A Given Set of Infinity
By Andrew J. Talon
- - - - - - -
"All systems operationalà Atomic clock is setà" Bill Johnson reviewed his instruments with a trained eye, the control panel responding with the efficiency that only comes from rigorous testing and refinement.
"Network link is terminated. All instruments ready," Eric Roberts spoke aloud, checking over his own controls and readouts. A smile came to his face, and he looked over at his co-pilot. The other man nodded, expressing similar intent. However, for the sake of protocol and the recorders going, they would speak aloud everything they were doing.
"We're good to go," Johnson concluded.
"Okay," Roberts took a deep breath, and activated the countdown timer. "Preparing to jump in threeà Twoà Oneà Zero!"
Outside the ovoid hull of the dimensional transit ship, the walls of the laboratory facility seemed to blur for just a second. As though the universe itself blinked around them, they were out of sight and out of memory for so brief an instant it was almost too small to calculate. However, the cameras they were carrying were rigged to be fast enough to catch events in as short a time as a picosecond, and slow it down just enough for the human mind to comprehend. If anything, indeed, had happened.
It was these cameras, followed by his instruments that Johnson checked. Roberts did the same thing. Both men looked at each other, a hint of doubt on their faces.
"à I'm not seeing any difference," Johnson said. Roberts shrugged.
"Check the lab video?"
Johnson did so. The two men saw themselves, saw the ship as the timer counted down to zero. Upon reaching zero, the ship vanished and then reappeared. Roberts nodded, a satisfied smile on his face.
"Yesà looks like we did it. We are in a different universe. The timer is set for return in five minutes. My friend, we just made history," Roberts said.
"Yeah, butà"
Roberts looked over at Johnson, who wore a scowl.
"Butà?" Roberts prompted.
"à Wellà Nothing changed. Nothing'sà different. All the instruments read the same." He sighed. "As far as we can tell, there's no real difference."
"Yes, but we're still in our lab," Roberts pointed out. "We can check the lab records?"
"Rightà"
A few minutes of scanning the records later, Johnson's scowl had deepened.
"Wellà This is just great," he said. "There's no change in my records."
"No change in mineà What's wrong with that?" Roberts asked.
"Well, it's aà It'sà Look. We did all this work, right?"
"Right."
"We did all the research, the experimentation, we got the grant, we built the 'ship', even though technically it doesn't move-"
"What's your point?"
"Wellà so farà nothing's different! It's like we didn't leave at all!" Johnson said in exasperation. Roberts sighed.
"Bill, seriously. Within a quantum multi-verse, until you get into a certain order of infinity, the only difference between one universe from another might be the spin of a single particle or something equally infinitesimally small. Also, given that the events required for another universe to form from something happening on the macro level could be as small as the outcome of a coin toss-"
"I know, I know, I justà I thought we might get lucky. I ran the calculations myselfà"
"Well even then, the chances of us rejecting ourselves-"
"Wait, rejecting?"
Roberts shrugged, looking a little defensive.
"Well, we're not actually moving, per say, so much asà Not existing in one universe and then existing in another. Hence, weà Rejected ourselves."
Johnson stared. Roberts scowled, as though daring his colleague to question his word choice.
"à Point taken, but still! Is it so wrong for me to, you know, wish things were different? Look at the lab video."
"Yes?"
"I don't even have a goatee!" Johnson said, very nearly whining.
"Oh please, tell me you are not bringing that show up now."
"Someone had to, and you sure as hell weren't," Johnson replied.
"Ah, right. How horrible it is that I have self-respect," Roberts snorted.
"Funny."
Roberts sighed heavily. Johnson looked glumly out at the lab space.
"à So, what were you hoping for?" Roberts asked.
"Hm? Wellà I typed it in this notepad file I left on the lab network... The other me, I mean, but since we typed the same thing..."
"And?" Roberts prompted.
"Andà It'sà That I wish I had gotten to second base with Erin Parker."
Silence.
"à Second base with Erin Parker?"
"What?"
"Please. That's not wishful thinking, that's just straight self-delusion," Roberts scolded.
"What do you mean, self-delusion?!"
"I already went over why! The chances of this universe being alternate from ours due to something like that areà areà so small you can barely compute it," Roberts said, at a loss for words.
"Still, isn't this what everyone dreams about when they think about alternate universes? How things were different? Even you must have had some kind ofà Thoughts about what this might be like. What might have been different?" Johnson pressed. Roberts' eyes glanced over at the bulkhead.
"Wellà" He said.
"Come on, I shared mine! Didn't you write something on the desktop too? What was it?" Johnson prodded.
"All right, I wrote, wellà"
"Yesà?"
Roberts pursed his lips in reluctance, before speaking.
"I wrote that I was kind of hoping that in the universe we visited, I was born female."
Johnson stared at Roberts. His colleague scowled back.
"What?! It's a perfectly validà Cellular mitosis at that level can have variations due to quantum events! It's far more plausible than yours!"
"No, it's not that."
"Then what is it?"
"I'm trying to imagine you as a woman."
"Yeah?" Roberts asked. Johnson was silent, eyes staring at some invisible point above the control panel. Roberts' scowl deepened, impatient. "And?"
"It's not a pretty picture," Johnson decided.
"How so?"
"It's very weird..."
"I could have made for a very attractive woman, I'll have you know," Roberts huffed. "My mother was very attractive."
"Eric-"
"Once she was a beauty queen-"
"Eric-"
"Sure, my dad's side of a family wasn't much to look at, but I'm sure something could have gotten to me. I got this nice Roman nose-"
"Okay! We just crossed from weird to disturbing," Johnson interjected at last. Roberts sniffed.
"Like I said, it's far more plausible than-"
"Why would you even think about something like that?"
"You've never thought about what you'd have been like as a woman?"
"Not to my knowledge, no. I mean, you as a woman? Jumping into another universe? What would you do?"
"It's merely scientific curiosity! I mean, what if you could meet a reverse-gender version of yourself? Think about how fascinating that would be! You could have a bond closer than... Than anything! The parallels, the differences."
"You can't even meet her anywayà"
"Yet."
"Eric, the calculations-"
"I'm just speculating here!" Roberts exclaimed, thoroughly exasperated. Johnson shook his head.
"Look, let's just agree not to discuss your weirdà" Johnson searched for something polite. Failing that, "Alternate-universe twin fetish thing."
"I do not have a-!"
"Oh like you weren't thinking about having sex-"
"I was not!"
"You were! You can't deny it, it came into your eyes!"
"What, are you psychic now?"
"No, I just happen to know what you look like when you're thinking about sex. Right now, your look says 'Weird Alternate-Universe Twin Fetish'. Every time, right from grad school, you were-"
"Is this really the sort of thing you want to end up on the official record of the first successful trans-universal rejection?"
"You started it."
"I did not! You did! Second base ring a bell?"
"It's better than cross-dimensional incest!" Johnson paused, and his brow creased in some serious thought. "Or would it just be advanced masturbation?"
"You-!" Roberts' retort was cut off by a warning beep from the control console, and he breathed out a sigh of relief. "Oh thank God, time's up. We're ready for rejection back into our home universe."
"Don't see how it will be any less awkward there," Johnson said.
Roberts ignored that, and began the final countdown.
"Threeà Twoà Oneà Zero!"
The outside world blurred, and once more returned to familiar surroundings. Roberts nodded, and linked back to the lab's video recorders. Johnson called up his own feed.
"Playing back the last five minutesà If nothing else, we'll get to see our alternate selves," Roberts consoled. Johnson gave a sarcastic thumbs up.
"Great. We get to see our conversation again, knowing that there are an infinite number of Roberts and Johnsons, all talking about how everything looks the same and alternate universe twin-"
"Do not start. Ah, here we go."
The footage from the cockpit camera of another transit "ship", and another Roberts and Johnson looking over their instruments played. Johnson put on the audio.
The other Roberts looked at the other Johnson.
"Soà Everything looks the same?"
"Yep."
"No differences?"
"Nope."
The Other Roberts looked thoughtful. The Other Johnson shrugged.
"à Want to grab a beer?"
"à Sure."
Roberts and Johnson stared in shock as both their counterparts got out of their "ship", walked to the lab refrigerator, procured two beers, walked back to their "ship", and drank them in silence until the timer ran out and they vanished. Their own vessel appeared a split second later. Both men looked at each other.
"Wellà I suppose there's always room for unpredictability in a given set of infinity," Roberts suggested. Johnson scowled.
"Bastardsà I was saving those!"
- - - - - -
Tell me what you think.
By Andrew J. Talon
- - - - - - -
"All systems operationalà Atomic clock is setà" Bill Johnson reviewed his instruments with a trained eye, the control panel responding with the efficiency that only comes from rigorous testing and refinement.
"Network link is terminated. All instruments ready," Eric Roberts spoke aloud, checking over his own controls and readouts. A smile came to his face, and he looked over at his co-pilot. The other man nodded, expressing similar intent. However, for the sake of protocol and the recorders going, they would speak aloud everything they were doing.
"We're good to go," Johnson concluded.
"Okay," Roberts took a deep breath, and activated the countdown timer. "Preparing to jump in threeà Twoà Oneà Zero!"
Outside the ovoid hull of the dimensional transit ship, the walls of the laboratory facility seemed to blur for just a second. As though the universe itself blinked around them, they were out of sight and out of memory for so brief an instant it was almost too small to calculate. However, the cameras they were carrying were rigged to be fast enough to catch events in as short a time as a picosecond, and slow it down just enough for the human mind to comprehend. If anything, indeed, had happened.
It was these cameras, followed by his instruments that Johnson checked. Roberts did the same thing. Both men looked at each other, a hint of doubt on their faces.
"à I'm not seeing any difference," Johnson said. Roberts shrugged.
"Check the lab video?"
Johnson did so. The two men saw themselves, saw the ship as the timer counted down to zero. Upon reaching zero, the ship vanished and then reappeared. Roberts nodded, a satisfied smile on his face.
"Yesà looks like we did it. We are in a different universe. The timer is set for return in five minutes. My friend, we just made history," Roberts said.
"Yeah, butà"
Roberts looked over at Johnson, who wore a scowl.
"Butà?" Roberts prompted.
"à Wellà Nothing changed. Nothing'sà different. All the instruments read the same." He sighed. "As far as we can tell, there's no real difference."
"Yes, but we're still in our lab," Roberts pointed out. "We can check the lab records?"
"Rightà"
A few minutes of scanning the records later, Johnson's scowl had deepened.
"Wellà This is just great," he said. "There's no change in my records."
"No change in mineà What's wrong with that?" Roberts asked.
"Well, it's aà It'sà Look. We did all this work, right?"
"Right."
"We did all the research, the experimentation, we got the grant, we built the 'ship', even though technically it doesn't move-"
"What's your point?"
"Wellà so farà nothing's different! It's like we didn't leave at all!" Johnson said in exasperation. Roberts sighed.
"Bill, seriously. Within a quantum multi-verse, until you get into a certain order of infinity, the only difference between one universe from another might be the spin of a single particle or something equally infinitesimally small. Also, given that the events required for another universe to form from something happening on the macro level could be as small as the outcome of a coin toss-"
"I know, I know, I justà I thought we might get lucky. I ran the calculations myselfà"
"Well even then, the chances of us rejecting ourselves-"
"Wait, rejecting?"
Roberts shrugged, looking a little defensive.
"Well, we're not actually moving, per say, so much asà Not existing in one universe and then existing in another. Hence, weà Rejected ourselves."
Johnson stared. Roberts scowled, as though daring his colleague to question his word choice.
"à Point taken, but still! Is it so wrong for me to, you know, wish things were different? Look at the lab video."
"Yes?"
"I don't even have a goatee!" Johnson said, very nearly whining.
"Oh please, tell me you are not bringing that show up now."
"Someone had to, and you sure as hell weren't," Johnson replied.
"Ah, right. How horrible it is that I have self-respect," Roberts snorted.
"Funny."
Roberts sighed heavily. Johnson looked glumly out at the lab space.
"à So, what were you hoping for?" Roberts asked.
"Hm? Wellà I typed it in this notepad file I left on the lab network... The other me, I mean, but since we typed the same thing..."
"And?" Roberts prompted.
"Andà It'sà That I wish I had gotten to second base with Erin Parker."
Silence.
"à Second base with Erin Parker?"
"What?"
"Please. That's not wishful thinking, that's just straight self-delusion," Roberts scolded.
"What do you mean, self-delusion?!"
"I already went over why! The chances of this universe being alternate from ours due to something like that areà areà so small you can barely compute it," Roberts said, at a loss for words.
"Still, isn't this what everyone dreams about when they think about alternate universes? How things were different? Even you must have had some kind ofà Thoughts about what this might be like. What might have been different?" Johnson pressed. Roberts' eyes glanced over at the bulkhead.
"Wellà" He said.
"Come on, I shared mine! Didn't you write something on the desktop too? What was it?" Johnson prodded.
"All right, I wrote, wellà"
"Yesà?"
Roberts pursed his lips in reluctance, before speaking.
"I wrote that I was kind of hoping that in the universe we visited, I was born female."
Johnson stared at Roberts. His colleague scowled back.
"What?! It's a perfectly validà Cellular mitosis at that level can have variations due to quantum events! It's far more plausible than yours!"
"No, it's not that."
"Then what is it?"
"I'm trying to imagine you as a woman."
"Yeah?" Roberts asked. Johnson was silent, eyes staring at some invisible point above the control panel. Roberts' scowl deepened, impatient. "And?"
"It's not a pretty picture," Johnson decided.
"How so?"
"It's very weird..."
"I could have made for a very attractive woman, I'll have you know," Roberts huffed. "My mother was very attractive."
"Eric-"
"Once she was a beauty queen-"
"Eric-"
"Sure, my dad's side of a family wasn't much to look at, but I'm sure something could have gotten to me. I got this nice Roman nose-"
"Okay! We just crossed from weird to disturbing," Johnson interjected at last. Roberts sniffed.
"Like I said, it's far more plausible than-"
"Why would you even think about something like that?"
"You've never thought about what you'd have been like as a woman?"
"Not to my knowledge, no. I mean, you as a woman? Jumping into another universe? What would you do?"
"It's merely scientific curiosity! I mean, what if you could meet a reverse-gender version of yourself? Think about how fascinating that would be! You could have a bond closer than... Than anything! The parallels, the differences."
"You can't even meet her anywayà"
"Yet."
"Eric, the calculations-"
"I'm just speculating here!" Roberts exclaimed, thoroughly exasperated. Johnson shook his head.
"Look, let's just agree not to discuss your weirdà" Johnson searched for something polite. Failing that, "Alternate-universe twin fetish thing."
"I do not have a-!"
"Oh like you weren't thinking about having sex-"
"I was not!"
"You were! You can't deny it, it came into your eyes!"
"What, are you psychic now?"
"No, I just happen to know what you look like when you're thinking about sex. Right now, your look says 'Weird Alternate-Universe Twin Fetish'. Every time, right from grad school, you were-"
"Is this really the sort of thing you want to end up on the official record of the first successful trans-universal rejection?"
"You started it."
"I did not! You did! Second base ring a bell?"
"It's better than cross-dimensional incest!" Johnson paused, and his brow creased in some serious thought. "Or would it just be advanced masturbation?"
"You-!" Roberts' retort was cut off by a warning beep from the control console, and he breathed out a sigh of relief. "Oh thank God, time's up. We're ready for rejection back into our home universe."
"Don't see how it will be any less awkward there," Johnson said.
Roberts ignored that, and began the final countdown.
"Threeà Twoà Oneà Zero!"
The outside world blurred, and once more returned to familiar surroundings. Roberts nodded, and linked back to the lab's video recorders. Johnson called up his own feed.
"Playing back the last five minutesà If nothing else, we'll get to see our alternate selves," Roberts consoled. Johnson gave a sarcastic thumbs up.
"Great. We get to see our conversation again, knowing that there are an infinite number of Roberts and Johnsons, all talking about how everything looks the same and alternate universe twin-"
"Do not start. Ah, here we go."
The footage from the cockpit camera of another transit "ship", and another Roberts and Johnson looking over their instruments played. Johnson put on the audio.
The other Roberts looked at the other Johnson.
"Soà Everything looks the same?"
"Yep."
"No differences?"
"Nope."
The Other Roberts looked thoughtful. The Other Johnson shrugged.
"à Want to grab a beer?"
"à Sure."
Roberts and Johnson stared in shock as both their counterparts got out of their "ship", walked to the lab refrigerator, procured two beers, walked back to their "ship", and drank them in silence until the timer ran out and they vanished. Their own vessel appeared a split second later. Both men looked at each other.
"Wellà I suppose there's always room for unpredictability in a given set of infinity," Roberts suggested. Johnson scowled.
"Bastardsà I was saving those!"
- - - - - -
Tell me what you think.