Evangelion Amusing Evangelion quotes

perfect_solider

Well-Known Member
#1
Shinji bent the angel over one of the buildings and then activated the loudspeakers.

ôYou gotta real purdy mouth,ö Shinji's voice echoed through the empty streets, ôI bet you could squeal reall good now.ö

ôUh . . .ö Misato said over the radio. ôWhat are you doing Shinji?ö

ôSqueal for me.ö Shinji ignored the woman. ôSay 'WEEEE,' come on now squeal laike a stuk pig.ö

ôUh . . . Shinji . . .ö

ôI am the alpha male,ö Shinji called out while doing pelvic thrusts, ôI am the alpha male.ö

Having been humiliated more then any reasonable being could ever be expected to endure, the angel promptly self destructed.
Dr.Strangeglove
 

dan27

Well-Known Member
#3
blackkyuubi said:
I really didn't need to read that.
I read it and it was amusing when you read the whole thing through
 

Nikas_Zekeval

Well-Known Member
#4
Another section from Dr. Strangelove
Kensuke Aida was having the worst day of his life.

The teacher was droning, the girls were wearing long skirts, after the rumor had gotten out that Shinji liked long skirts the female population had quickly changed styles, and it had been the most disappointing Eva battle ever.

'I mean, what kind of clowns did they have driving those things? It would have been a hundred times better, and more destructive, if Shinji had been piloting,' he thought to himself.

Little did he know, that he was about to see the coolest thing ever.

The military mad otaku glanced out the window and his eyes became glued to the scene outside.

ôHey class rep,ö the boy said calmly.

ôWhat is it, Aida.ö

ôAre you seeing what I'm seeing?ö

"I don't know," the girl replied, "did you just see Ikari jump out of a moving helicopter in mid barrel roll, narrowly avoid the rotors, and deploy a parachute?"

ôYeah,ö the boy agreed, ôI was afraid that the pills I found on Ikari's desk were making me see things again.ö

ôWhy in the hell would you ingest anything you found on Ikari's desk?ö Hikari demanded. ôAre you nuts?ö

ôI was hoping it would make me as manly as he is,ö Kensuke replied, ôbut all it did was turn everybody into lizard people that wanted to eat my scrotum.ö

ôOh.ö Which neatly explained why the boy had been cowering under his desk and urinating on himself the day before. ôKensuke, there's nothing you can do to make yourself even a fraction as manly as Ikari is,ö she explained gently. Someone had to tell him, and as the class rep it was her duty to crush the dreams of her classmates.

They watched as Shinji crashed through the window and released his chute. In the background, the pilotless helicopter completed another barrel roll before crashing into a building, causing untold millions in damage.

ôI guess not,ö the boy agreed mournfully.
 

PCHeintz72

The Sentient Fanfic Search Engine mk II
#5
Sounds a bit like a scene from Debutante Detective Corps... I wish that series had been continued... Oh well.
 

Mercsenary

Well-Known Member
#7
ôThis subroutine,ö she says, pointing at a red lock with English written along it, underlined with Mandarin, ôIt says this has to be kept on as a condition for China allowing it to be active.ö

ôAnd?ö

ôAnd itÆs the main thing keeping us from engaging the AI core,ö Kyoko sighs, ôDisengaging it.ö

The red lock breaks and separates, and standing, Kyoko allows herself a thin smile as she steps aside and allows Maya to take her station.

ôThere,ö she says, ôNow we can proceed. Ibuki?ö

The eye lights up on Unit 05Æs brow. The entire Evangelion shudders, the locks around its jaw breaking as it growls.

ôAI Core Locks disengaged,ö a voice booms through the shoulder mounted speakers, ôCommunism detected! Combat Systems, engaged!ö

The cradle the Eva is encased in shudders, the rails engaging and launching the Evangelion to the surface. The Box goes silent. Misato taps her fingers, looking from side to side before Kyoko turns and runs out.

Maya taps her fingers together and turns her chair around.

ôWell, fuck.ö
No... It cant be...

Panels open in the perimeter of Tokyo-3, plates four times its height rising into the air, surrounding the city like a giant metal fish bowl. Unit 05 pauses, the yellow visor glowing and scanning lasers playing over the steel surface. Its four ball jointed knees bend and its wheeled feet jam into the street before the fingers bend back.

ôObstruction detected,ö it booms, ôComposition: Molecularly compressed Titanium Alloy enhanced with pulsed quantum resonance.ö

The palm of claw opens up, a focusing crystal jutting out and beginning to glow.

ôChance of mission hindrance:ö

A circle of light spins around the crystal and 05 points the arm at the wall.

ôZero Percent!ö

The plasma blasts out, superheating the metal and blasting it outward into a hole bigger than the Evangelion. The legs rise again, and Unit 05 continues it trek westward.

Dear god.... It's Liberty Prime!

From the latest above.
 

Elvarein

Well-Known Member
#8
Two hours earlier.

Hands tented in front of his face, amber lenses reflecting the dim light behind him, the Supreme Commander of NERV stares at his tactical ops commander and waits. Misato shifts from heel to heel. Clearing her throat, hands folded behind her, she decides to get it out of the way.

"What do you need, Lieutenant Colonel?"

"Well, Commander, several of the female staff of NERV and myself, including Dr. Ikari, are going to be going out tonight. Normally I would ask Agent Kaji for this, but he is currently busy feeding the JSSDF what we're letting them know about the Cherubim, and Sub Director Sohryu is out of the country andàwell, Sub Commander Fuyutsukiàwasn't receptiveà"

"I seeà"

"And I really wouldn't trust Lieutenants Makato or Aoba with this sort of responsibility, Commander," Misato continues, clearing her throat, "Soàwe need you toà"

"Babysit."

"Thank you, Commander," Misato says with a nod, "Iàreally don't think I could have said that, myself."

The phone rings. Pressing the speaker button, Gendo resumes his typical position.

"Yes?"

"You're doing this, Gendo."

"Yes, Yui."

He clicks the button to turn it off, then turns back to the financial reports.

"Well, okay," Misato sighs, "Since Agent Kaji is busy, this also includes Captain Kirishima. So, you'll be in charge of all of them, sir. You'll pick them up from school this afternoon andàDr. Ikari just wants me to pass on to you that this should be as normal as possible."

He turns to her, leveling his gaze.

"I can doànormal."
The Children are sooo screwed... :evil2:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5579457/30/NGE_Nobody_Dies
 

Whiteagle

Well-Known Member
#9
Elvarein said:
Two hours earlier.

Hands tented in front of his face, amber lenses reflecting the dim light behind him, the Supreme Commander of NERV stares at his tactical ops commander and waits. Misato shifts from heel to heel. Clearing her throat, hands folded behind her, she decides to get it out of the way.

"What do you need, Lieutenant Colonel?"

"Well, Commander, several of the female staff of NERV and myself, including Dr. Ikari, are going to be going out tonight. Normally I would ask Agent Kaji for this, but he is currently busy feeding the JSSDF what we're letting them know about the Cherubim, and Sub Director Sohryu is out of the country andàwell, Sub Commander Fuyutsukiàwasn't receptiveà"

"I seeà"

"And I really wouldn't trust Lieutenants Makato or Aoba with this sort of responsibility, Commander," Misato continues, clearing her throat, "Soàwe need you toà"

"Babysit."

"Thank you, Commander," Misato says with a nod, "Iàreally don't think I could have said that, myself."

The phone rings. Pressing the speaker button, Gendo resumes his typical position.

"Yes?"

"You're doing this, Gendo."

"Yes, Yui."

He clicks the button to turn it off, then turns back to the financial reports.

"Well, okay," Misato sighs, "Since Agent Kaji is busy, this also includes Captain Kirishima. So, you'll be in charge of all of them, sir. You'll pick them up from school this afternoon andàDr. Ikari just wants me to pass on to you that this should be as normal as possible."

He turns to her, leveling his gaze.

"I can doànormal."
The Children are sooo screwed... :evil2:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5579457/30/NGE_Nobody_Dies
I like the part with the Role-playing game...

...probably because I suggested it...

...AND HE DIDN'T WAIT LONG ENOUGH FOR THE CHARACTER WRITE-UPS!!!
 

rdde

Well-Known Member
#10
"Can we just get going already?" complained Asuka as Unit 02 settled into the elevator. Some muttering in German followed that.

"Ah, the tsundere rushes to face the tentacle monster," said Rei softly from her position in Unit 00. "A classic situation. Will she get what she needs in the end?"

"Would you get OFF that damn website?" asked Asuka. "Or I'll give you a boot in your end!"

"You do realize that was a classic tsundere response, right?" asked Shigeru's voice over the line.

More muttering in German followed.
Switching Places Evangelion chapter 21 by Greylle.
 

WhiteKnightLeo

Well-Known Member
#11
Mercsenary said:
�This subroutine,� she says, pointing at a red lock with English written along it, underlined with Mandarin, �It says this has to be kept on as a condition for China allowing it to be active.�

�And?�

�And it�s the main thing keeping us from engaging the AI core,� Kyoko sighs, �Disengaging it.�

The red lock breaks and separates, and standing, Kyoko allows herself a thin smile as she steps aside and allows Maya to take her station.

�There,� she says, �Now we can proceed. Ibuki?�

The eye lights up on Unit 05�s brow. The entire Evangelion shudders, the locks around its jaw breaking as it growls.

�AI Core Locks disengaged,� a voice booms through the shoulder mounted speakers, �Communism detected! Combat Systems, engaged!�

The cradle the Eva is encased in shudders, the rails engaging and launching the Evangelion to the surface. The Box goes silent. Misato taps her fingers, looking from side to side before Kyoko turns and runs out.

Maya taps her fingers together and turns her chair around.

�Well, fuck.�
No... It cant be...

Panels open in the perimeter of Tokyo-3, plates four times its height rising into the air, surrounding the city like a giant metal fish bowl. Unit 05 pauses, the yellow visor glowing and scanning lasers playing over the steel surface. Its four ball jointed knees bend and its wheeled feet jam into the street before the fingers bend back.

�Obstruction detected,� it booms, �Composition: Molecularly compressed Titanium Alloy enhanced with pulsed quantum resonance.�

The palm of claw opens up, a focusing crystal jutting out and beginning to glow.

�Chance of mission hindrance:�

A circle of light spins around the crystal and 05 points the arm at the wall.

�Zero Percent!�

The plasma blasts out, superheating the metal and blasting it outward into a hole bigger than the Evangelion. The legs rise again, and Unit 05 continues it trek westward.

Dear god.... It's Liberty Prime!

From the latest above.

I guess that Angel in orbit will be the only one that can take down Liberty Prime.
 
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