Amusing fanfiction quotes

Fatuous One

Well-Known Member
There's a similar thread in the anifics Anime forum, so... why not? If you see a line, or even an entire paragraph (or many of them!) from a fanfic that amuses you, and you think might amuse everyone else, post it! Also, if you do, be so kind as to include a link to said fanfic, it's just all in good taste.

My addition for the day is from chapter seven of Uzumaki Harry [Harry Potter/Naruto] (by Shadow Crystal Mage).

Hermione let her robes fall, and Ron backed away in surprise.

HermioneÆs face was covered in sleek black fur. Pointed ears stuck out of her hair as she looked at them with yellow eyes.

ôIt was a c-cat hair!ö she howled. ôMillicent Bulstrode m-must have a cat! And the P-Potion isnÆt supposed to work for animal transformations!ö

ôUh oh,ö Ron said, pretty much summing the matter up. ôLook, why donÆt we take you to the hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey never asks question. What do you say, Harry?ö

When there was no response, Ron turned at his fellow male. Frowning slightly. ôHarry?ö

Wordlessly, Harry reached over and began playing with HermioneÆs ears. Hermione blinked in confusion as Myrtle and Ron stared, equally befuddled.

ôHarry?ö Hermione asked, hesitant and wondering whether her dark-haired friend had spontaneously lost his marbles. She shifted a little as Harry switched from fondling her ears to circling around her and looking at her intently. Finally, he stood front of Hermione and looked her up and down.

ôI am seriously turned on right now,ö Harry said.

There was a tick.

ôHARRY!ö Hermione screeched as Ron choked back his laughter and Myrtle pouted cutelyà
There's a fanfiction site known as IcyBrian's that deals in videogame RPG fanfiction only (like Chrono Trigger and Final Fantasy) that a long, long time ago used to have this massive archive of quotes from the fanfiction on their site. I'd saved the whole archive years ago, but my computer crashed and I lost the whole damn thing, and found out later that they'd removed the archive for some strange reason. Meh.

"He merely switched to a newer model of the same brand. I fail to see the problem." - Rei discussing Gendo Ikari's relationship with Dr. Akaghi and her mother in Playing Games by Hawk
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Welcome back, yadda-yadda-yadda star-of-my-eye yadda-yadda noble line yadda-yadda supremely pleased yadda-yadda. Come on, the grub is waiting for us. And all you buggers can just sod off! Show's over!" - King Su in Su Kaolla with a License to Thrill by Hawk
ôWaità Who are you?ö
- Keitaro and ancient priest in Blood Hina by Teriyaki Chicken


Well-Known Member
Heh-heh, checked through some of my stories-in-the-works and found a few amusing little quotes to tease ya'll with. :)


"Kasumi! Why have you been running around acting like a raging pervert all day long?" Akane hissed, once she finally got an opportunity to talk with her sister without anyone listening in on their conversation. "You groped Shampoo, Ukyo is behaving like Kodachi ever since you reached in underneath her shirt and unwrapped her bindings to fondle her, poor Ryoga *still* hasn't been able to move ever since you kicked him between his legs for no reason and half the girls in the school are howling for blood after you snuck into the girls locker room four times! Sayuri said you *stole* her panties and *peeped* on Tomoe while she took a shower!"
- Akane in Body Swap


"Nabiki!" Akane wailed, spinning around on the spot and closing her eyes, as a furious blush rather hastily overtook her. "When I knock on your door and ask if you're decent, don't reply 'yes' when you're naked and masturbating!"
- Akane in Surrounded by perverts


"Perverts..." Akane groused and stalked downstairs, stopping dead in her tracks as she saw and heard what was on the TV. "Daaaaaad! Please tell me that you're not jerking off to 'Wild bitches in heat 4' again?!"

"Uhm... I'm not jerking off to 'Wild bitches in heat 4'." Soun hesitantly replied, though his extatic-sounding tone of voice and the faint fwapping noises comming from his direction betrayed him.

"Well, stop it! And for Kami's sake, use the air freshener and wash your hands when you're finished this time! Kasumi and Nabiki will be down shortly." she admonished him. "I'm surrounded by perverts!" she screamed and stalked outside, taking deep calming breaths as she tried to block out the activities she just knew was going on indoors.
- Akane and Soun in Surrounded by perverts


"A fiancee? Is he hot? Is he young, well hung and in possession of great stamina?" Kasumi asked as their father revealed the reason for the family meeting he'd called them all to.

"Yeah, dad. Is he as well hung as the name implies?" Nabiki added.

"Dad! Don't you dare pull that nasty thing out in my presence!" Akane screamed as she saw Soun put a hand down his trousers. "Fondle yourself through your pants, if you absolutely have to." she instructed him.
- The Tendo sisters in Surrounded by perverts


"Huh. We'll be working with a freelancer on this one." Natalia commented as she hastily skimmed through the folder. "Frank Castle."

"The Punisher?!" Peter exclaimed, leaping up from his chair with a shocked expression plastered all over his face. "Oh, shit!"

"He's not so bad." Natalia commented. "I've worked with him before. Professional. Calm under fire. Very skilled."

"And a homicidal serial-murdering weaponfetichist who probably gets off on blowing people's brains out!" Peter added in a near-frantic tone of voice.

"There is that." Natalia agreed with a wry smile.
- Natalia and Peter in The SHIELDtacular Spiderman


"Sword of Lilith, please." Shinji pleaded, to no avail.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she laughed, slamming on of her fists on the surface of her desk, scattering papers all around her. "Tatewaki was bitten where?!" she managed to get out between cheerfull gales of laughter.

"His left butt-cheek." Shinji repeated, crossing his arms and pouting.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she started laughing again.

"Yeah. Ha, ha. Laugh it up. You weren't the one who had to suck the poison out." Shinji groused, a statement which only caused his superior to laugh even harder. "Sword of Lilith, PLEASE!" Shinji pleaded again.
- Shinji and Misato in currently untitled NGE Fantasy-AU-thingie


"Jan-Ken-Pon." Shinji called, then brandished his scissors at Rei's outstretched arm, palm held completely vertical against him. "Heh, scissors beat paper."

"This is not paper." Rei informed him.

"Oh?" he exclaimed, then looked again. It certainly didn't look like either rock or scissors. "It looks like paper to me."

"No. It's an AT-field. Nothing beats an AT-field." Rei responded.
- Shinji and Rei in Messing with Rei


Been checking up on my old Hawkverse stories lately and found some cool quotes there too. :)


+bang+ +bang+ +bang+

"Uh... Niklas? What are you doing?" Ororo inquired with a concerned look over the sight of an X-Man banging his head against the wall.

"People are having sex... And I'm not one of them." Niklas informed her. "Why me?" he wailed.
- Hawk and Storm


"Blablablablablablablablabla... Blablabla... Bla... Niklas? I said, are you listening?" Jean suddenly demanded.

"Oh, I'm sorry. What? I was trying to have an out of body experience." Niklas responed with a yawn.
- Marvel Girl and Hawk


"Outta my way, cretins. There's too much blood in my caffeine system." Niklas growled, shuffling through the x-mansion in his worn tiger-paw slippers, Garfield robe and the butt of a burned out cigarette hanging from one corner of his mouth.
- Hawk


"Shoot a warning shot through his head." Hawk ordered.

"Uh, captain? Don't you mean over his head?" Savan inquired.

"Naw. That moron wouldn't understand the nature of the warning unless it actually hit him."
- Hawk and Savan


"At which point should I have shut up?" Scott inquired with his head tilted back, staring at the ceiling.

"Right after 'I do' at your wedding." Niklas suggested and quickly bolted before anything harmful could happen to him.
- Cyclops and Hawk


"Yo, ho! Hohoho... Want ol' Pimp Daddy to go down your chimney and *really* stuff your sockings?"


"Ouch." Niklas commented, then turned around and walked back to the table, rubbing his cheek with a wry grin on his face. "Girls are weird. Can't imagine what got her all riled up like that."
- Hawk


*/Feel like giving me a hand here?/*


*/Dunno, something flashy and impressive that'll scare the crap out of them./*


*/Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha./*
- Hawk and Thevatenu

Lord Raa

Exporter of Juice Tins
I will probably come across as big headed, but I'm rather fond of my disclaimers.

And there is this line from my entry to a certain lemon contest ;)

ôEither you will penetrate Dr. Akagi as and when I tell you, or I will use the pair of you as the worldÆs largest Punch and Judy show,ö the normally reserved girl warned in an even tone. ôWhile I have little doubt that the ægood doctorÆ could accommodate my fist in one of her orifices, I am assuming that you would find my fist in your rectal cavity to be most uncomfortable.ö

-- Rei in "Unfamiliar Position" (the Pervert Rei fic)


Well-Known Member
I just couldn't resist putting this one up.

ôGodfather?ö Harry barked in laughter. ôWhere the fuck have you been then? Where were you when I was getting beaten across the face by my fat ass uncle with a cricket bat? Where were you when my dear old aunt forced bleach down my throat? Oh, I forgot, you were in jail for being a stupid monkey shit! Leave me the fuck alone, you donÆt even know me G-daddy!ö
The 'G-Daddy' line was too good to leave alone, hahaha.

Oh, and by the way, this line is from 'Darkness Within The Light' by TakatoRikku.

Fatuous One

Well-Known Member
A few more quotes I found amusing.

From Right Moments [Ranma] -

ôI journeyed to Ryuugenzawa and tried to seduce Shinnosoke as instructed. The moron kept running away and forgetting we were supposed to have sex, though he did remember being in love with me. I cornered him on the second day, and failed.ö

Akane gathered herself to tell the rest of the story, realizing she was crying.

ôI crushed his testicles! His screams were horrible. If the Water of Life wasnÆt there, I donÆt think I could live with myself. The next day I tried again, and we didnÆt even have our clothes off before I knocked him out with a headbut and dislocated his pelvis. I kept at it the rest of the week, and guess what? ShinnosokeÆs now scared of me! Like a mistreated puppy his first reaction to my presence is to soil himself. Do you know how socially awkward that is?ö
From Dire Fates [Ah! My Goddess/Hellblazer] -

The cat seemed to be looking at John expectantly, waiting for
something to happen.

"What?? Scat!? Shoo!? Bloody cat."? John gave the cat a swift and
sure boot, sending it flying a few feet, over a fence and out of

That's when John noticed the odd stick-like object on the ground.

"What the frig is this?"? He picked up the object, and
immediately felt the immense magic in it.? "What the..."

Suddenly, a few blocks away, a loud explosion shook the ground,
sending a cloud of flames and debris flying.? When the dust
settled, a demon stood.


John blinked.? "Well, frig me."

Suddenly, the pen in his hand glowed brilliantly, blinding all.
He was levitated into the air and felt something moving around
his body.? Before he could yell in surprise, the moment was over.

"What the fuck was... er..."

His voice seemed a little higher in pitch.

"Oh shite!? I grew tits!"

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? -----------------

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? John Constantine:
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? SAILOR HELLBLAZER

? ? ? You have Mike Loader to blame, mostly, for this.

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? -----------------

John ahemed, and posed, pointing the Rod at the demon.

"Right.? In the name of the Moon, fuck off."

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? -*-

"And what," asked the titanic demon, "are you going to do to stop

"See this here Star Crystal Moon Rod thingie?"? John waved his...
er... her magic rod about to accentuate the point.

"Yeah."? It seemed unimpressed.? "You gonna blast me with it?
Turn me into a toad with it?"

"No.? Gonna shove it up yer..."

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? -*-

John frowned.? He was back home, finally, with the stupid rod.
And Chas was laughing his ass off.

"Sod it, Chas, I look bloody stupid in this fuku."

"That ya do, Johnny.? But yer arse looks great."

"Back off, ya bloody pervert!"

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? -*-

Rich's reaction wasn't much better.

"Quick, Johnny, use yer magic dildo!"?

"Oh, VERY funny, Rich.? Har-bloody-hah."
From Final Approach Ranma [Ranma/Futaba-kun Change] -

"We are the government. We know what we are doing."
BTW, Lord Raa, I agree that your disclaim-you-do-s are amusing. Hell, I thought the entire "Disclaim-me-do" was funny in itself the when I first saw it.

And uh, Hawk, any chance of "Surrounded by perverts" being released sometime soon? I find the humor of that situation to be a killer.


Well-Known Member
'pends on your definition of soon. :) According to mine, yeah. Then again, I'm the guy who only starts to ponder if it's time to make an extra effort to churn out a new chapter if a story has gone without an update for more then a year. :D


Well-Known Member
Little sooner then that, I believe. Then again, who knows where the muses will take me.


ôDear lord, Harry! I might have to morph to accommodate that!ö
- Tonks, Primal Magic by Sutenhotep


ôTonky! Off, now. I know IÆm good looking but unless you want certain reactions to occur due to your movements I suggest you detach yourself from my person.ö

ôTONKY? Who do you think you are? Huh! What? Do you think youÆre like THE Harry Potter or something!ö

ôIndeed I do Tonks, why I do believe that is the name my parents chose for me!ö
- Harry and Tonks, Smile by Kyrissean Angelis


"I have been getting used to living with three women, auror-level training and beyond for hours every day, getting used to having a girlfriend and getting to know her. ItÆs overwhelming at times and IÆve been so focused on it, that it didnÆt even occur to me how much time had passed until Dumbledore mentioned that IÆd been training for over a month. What day is it anyway?"
- Harry in HP and the breaking of bonds by BadVoodoo


ôPotter, what was it that you just did?!ö

ôI just used this to save our hides, Miss Black.ö.

ôBut, what is it? I have never seen such a device, especially when it shoots out fire and thunder!ö

ôThis is a shotgun, a type of device used by Muggles for shooting bullets or a variety of other stuff. Although, this one is peculiar to even me.ö

ôAà shotgun?ö

ôThink of it then as a boomstick, Bellatrix.ö.
- Narcissa, Blaise, Bellatrix and Harry in HP and the survivors of Isla Sorna

( Boomstick sounds kinda kinky, doesn't it? ;) )


Random phantom.
I don't have many... although if you had done us a favor and listed who was saying what in that last quote would be fine.

So... I'll just put up one right now.

'Cain slapped X on the back and picked up his stick. X frowned.

"Your habit of rough physical contact with my back is very annoying. I must ask you to stop doing that." Cain harrumphed.

"All right. I suppose IÆll have to think of another way to bug you then." An idea flashed in his head, and he swung his stick wildly in the air, bringing it crashing down hard upon XÆs helmet.

"OW!!!" X cried as he reached for his bruised head. Cain laughed.

"I like this better!" X grumbled, but didnÆt dignify the prank with a response. X supposed it was something he would have to get used to.'

- Erico's 'Mega Man X: An Uncertain Future' - Link


Well-Known Member
The girls ask the questions in the order their names are written, Harry provides the answers.


Well-Known Member
I always particularly loved this one bit.

"Exactly," said Bobbi, breaking into a relieved smile. "Remember, it's like John always says; 'Rome wasn't built in a day'. You need to relax a little, before you burn yourself out. Or worse, make a mistake."

This caught Harry's attention most effectively. The idea of making a mistake on a task such as this was something that truly terrified him. It could spell disaster on a scale beyond anything the world had ever seen. Licking his lips and trying to put that thought out of his mind, Harry turned the conversation back to Bobbi's earlier question, when she had first entered his room.

"It's my birthday?" he asked.

"Uh-huh," confirmed Bobbi with a grin. She leaned forward again and gave him another hug. "Sweet sixteen."

Harry smiled back at her for a moment before a horrible thought occurred to him. "My friends aren't here, are they? You haven't arranged a party or something without telling me?"

Bobbi smiled indulgently and informed him, "We did tell you about it. Two weeks ago."

"Bloody hell!" cried Harry, jumping up and almost knocking Bobbi over as he stumbled towards the door. "I have to get cleaned up! I need a shower! I need a shave! Dammit, where did all this bloody paper come from?"

Harry and Bobbi (his foster mother) in Evil Be Thou My Good by Ruskbyte
"So, let me get this straight.", Naru began. "I'm stuck sharing a cell with Hitler, Mussolini and Caesar are across from me, Manson has a cell on one side of mine, Hannibal a cell on the other side, the Backstreet Boys are down the hall - what the fuck - you're in the cell on the floor above mine, and the rest of this cell block is filled with every other despot and/or dictator in Earth's history?"
Genghis Khan grunted and nodded several times.
"Well, we have one absentee.", Tojo said.
Across the cafeteria, Hitler stood and shouted German obscenities in Naru and Tojo's direction before being knocked unconscious by a guard and dragged from the room.
"Stalin?!", Naru finally responded with a gasp. "But he killed even more people than Hitler did! Where is he?!"
"Not here.", Tojo said, sighing and shaking his head. "It's ironic, but... you see, he was nice to animals..."
- that 'Naru Goes to Hell' fic I never finished
I also looked through some stuff and found a disk that had that ginormous quotes list on it, plus some other quotes I'd found and added myself while browsing (a long, long time ago, sometime in 2003 or so, if not earlier).

"Chrono Trigger Dimensions Ch. 34" by Jerm -
Dalton: "Hey! Those were MY demons!"
Marshal: "If you want them back, we can always loft their bodies back up to you. Some assembly may be required however."
- Dalton and Marshal discussing the demise of Dalton's henchmen
"Chrono Trigger Dimensions Ch. 39" by Jerm -
Marshal: "How will it wear off?"
Magus: "If I die."
Marshal: ". . . . . .Oh. In that case, he'll be a frog for quite some time won't he? So if you leave unexpectedly again, and Glenn suddenly turns back into a human some odd hours later, we shouldn't be expecting you home for dinner?"
- The Marshal and Magus discussing Glenn's curse.
"Chrono Trigger Invasions Ch. 17" by Jerm -
"Yeah, it's occurred to me that we're fighting a two way war. That will make it twice as hard."
"Two 'impossibles' is still simply impossible, not twice as impossible."
- Crono and Magus
"Demon Gate Ch. 2" by Icy Brian -
"I'm a Turk. Something's bound to kill me sooner or later."
- Reno
"Demon Gate Ch. 2" by Icy Brian -
"You just killed an unarmed man!"
"He should have armed himself."
- Toma & Kovac
"Ghosts of the Past, Present, and Future Ch. 3" by Artificer Urza - :
"Ah, time travel: the ultimate grammatical paradox."
- Magus
"Musings From a God" by AlexWeitzman -
"I have come upon a major discovery. There is some sort of spiritual connection between heroism and hairspray."
- Sephiroth
"Old Friends, Old Enemies, New Past Ch. 1" by The Wizard Slayer -
"Hello, Glenn. Glad to see you're...Well, I would say it's good to see you're well, but 'Well' is not the first word that comes to mind."
- Magus speaking to an intoxicated Glenn
"PO Box A.L.E.N." by Middletails -
The Liberation Army is wielding those orange fiery things, sir...Is that bad?
- Grenseal to General Teo
"Tempo Trigger Ch. 2" by Nanaki -
"You're going to have to do a lot better than that." Schala grinned. "I could do this all day. How many times can you afford to die?"
- Schala, after getting her skull smashed open
"The 3rd Annual Meeting of the Local Imp's Union, Guardia Chapter" by Brian Caughell -
"But that's not an Imp's name! Imps are supposed to be named disgusting things! Not after a flipping peanut butter!"
- Scum, speaking to Skippy
"The Creation of Heaven and Earth Ch. 3" by NeoKefka -
"I'm going to leave here Ayin, and the only way to stop me is to kill me!"
"I aim to please."
- Huzo and Ayin Strifeild
"The Exiled Ch. 2" by Black -
"A vampire. You're a vampire in broad daylight."
"I am not a vampire!"
- Rophelle, upon meeting Magus for the first time
"The Great Sephiroth Ch. 5" by Mags -
"We aren't actually going in there? Are we?"
"Go inside? Oh no. Of course not! We just thought that you might like to see this door. It's very nice, don't you think? Of course, I thought that it would look better in a pastel blue, but iron gray was all they had. Pity, don't you think? OF COURSE WE'RE GOING INSIDE YOU STUPID... HUMAN!"
- Morrigan and Red XIII
"The New Returners Episode III" by Lady Marrah -
I'm in a very bad mood today, so I have a suggestion for you. If you like breathing, I suggest you quit saying such things.
- Magus
"The Origin/Aftermath of Mount Woe Ch. 16" by Nanaki -
Could you please go down to the tailor's and ask him to make up another green dress? That new Algetty/Trann style he came up with last year. There was a slight... accident. Mine was unfortunately torn. Oh! Could you also please send up a new set of bed sheets, the carpenter, and a fresh container of chocolate sauce?
- Queen Zeal talking to a guard
"The Origin/Aftermath of Mount Woe Ch. 38" by Nanaki -
"Now she's dead again too?"
"I swear, they must be the most tragic couple ever created."
- two unidentified spirits
"The Story of Magus Ch. 11" by ZealPropht -
"I hate it when Ozzie plays these games! I want to know what the meeting is about!"
"I seriously doubt it's naked dancing girls, Slash. You are so single minded! Can't you think of anything but...that?!"
"Well, I could, but life would be so dull then!"
- Slash and Magus
"The Story of Magus Ch. 15" by ZealPropht -
"What the hell's the matter with you?! You don't just throw people off the fort like that!"
"I do when they try to sneak up and strangle me!"
- Slash and Janus
"The Story of Magus Ch. 15" by ZealPropht -
"Charming story Flea. You have it correct down to every detail. But there seems to be something missing."
"And that would be?"
"Oh, let me think. Yes, I do belive you are missing a vital detail. How about...the truth?"
- Janus and Flea
"Sierra? What the hell are you doing here?"
"You should be happier to see me."
"That's the last time I trust Watari with an assassination."
- Nash and Sierra, Life is Fragile and Absurd
"Wait! We have to get Master Luc."
"Screw Luc."
"Do I have time?"
- Sarah and Caesar, Life is Fragile and Absurd


Well-Known Member
Boomsrick...Heh...too many Bruce Campell and "Evil Dead" references that can be made.

Clatu verata nicto, anyone?


Well-Known Member
Boomsrick...Heh...too many Bruce Campell and "Evil Dead" references that can be made.

Clatu verata nicto, anyone?
Wow I'm surprised anyone on here besides me knows that old quote, and just because you asked so nicely, I won't destroy the world. ;) *powers down*


Well-Known Member
Go to the cemetery, pick up the book and say the line. Why the hell didn't he say there were three books!?

Army of Darkness, I know thee too well.


Random phantom.
'"Keep it up, guys. SigmaÆs gotta be having a gallstone by now." Hazil blinked, then smirked. "I forgot. Reploids donÆt get gallstones; they get servofluid buildup."'

-Erico's 'Mega Man X: An Uncertain Future'


Well-Known Member
A quote from The Kingpin Of Japan:

Ranma smiled genially. "Well, I'm glad to have you on here, Miss Jenny. I'm glad to have all of your here. Gentlemenà and lady, we are going to turn this petty ant business into the number one fast-food restaurant in all of South Town! How, you ask? How are we going to do this?"

? ? ? ? Dr. Jay: "Lower prices?"

? ? ? ? Cookie: "Better food?"

? ? ? ? Creme: "Advertising?"

? ? ? ? Jenny: "Kill all our competition?"

? ? ? ? Ranma: "Jenny, you're a woman after my own heart."

? ? ? ? "à" said Cookie, Creme, and Dr. Jay.


Well-Known Member
"Nobody Move," Vernon cried out. "And Give Us All Your Money."

"Yeah," Dudley agreed. "And Don't Try Anything Funny, I'm Crazy, I'll Kill All Of You And Then I'll Do Things To Your Corpses."

"Do things?" The bank manager asked nervously.

"Yes," Vernon nodded. "Do Things."
- Harry and Sirius masquerading as Vernon and Dudley in "Let's do the time warp again" by Rorschach's Blot

Fatuous One

Well-Known Member

Chapter Fourteen of Yagami 1/2 by BlackDragon6

So deep was Ranma in thought, that he didn't immediately attach the words to a person he knew, or even realize he was being attacked, until he felt the stinging pain in his arm from having blocked the bokken swing on reflex.
"The hell? Kuno?" Ranma mumbled, coming to his senses much more slowly than he really should have. "What're you doing here? It's not a school day... and we're not at school."
"You think yourself safe from my wrath when off-campus? HA!! My fury knows not such feeble boundaries!" Kuno backed up and then struck forward again, and Ranma once again deflected the blow, this time in such a way that he didn't hurt himself.
"Don't you have any HOBBIES or anything?" The pigtailed boy said tiredly. "You can't devote your whole life to beating me up, man. I mean, that's just sad. Don't you have anything better to do?" He blocked two more strikes, hopping backward as he did so. "What about Akane? Can't you go read poetry to Akane or something?"
"Silence!" Tatewaki bellowed, changing stances so that he could attack with overhead strikes. "As devoted as I am to Akane Tendo, how could I rest, knowing that lowly slime such as yourself would think yourself WORTHY to date with the glorious and... generously gifted Min Bogard!" he shouted accusedly, though the pause in his rant made Ranma wonder exactly what "gift" of Min's he was referring to.
Ranma sighed and rubbed his forehead as he kicked upward, snapping Kuno's bokken in two. "I don't suppose it matters that she asked me to take her out, does it?"
"LIES!! HATEFUL LIES AND TREACHERY AND... uh... TREACHEROUS LIES THAT HATE!!" the kendoist cried desperately, waving the broken bokken wildly at Ranma as if unaware that its length had been reduced by half.
"Look, Kuno, it's not that I don't hate your guts or nothin', because I do," Ranma said apologetically as he backed off, slipping his hands into his pockets, "but I'm afraid this little archrivalry thing we have going here, you know, where you attack me for some reason made up on the spot and I blast you with a comical level of indifference? It's just not working out anymore."
Kuno stopped ranting, and gave Ranma a curious look as he panted, out of breath. "It's... it's not?"
"No, it's not. I mean, it was fun at first, knowing that I could whoop the biggest bully in school with both hands in my pockets, and it feels great to fight somebody because chicks like me and think you're an ass. But, well..." Ranma scratched the back of his head as he searched for the right words. "It's just, you're not really what I'm looking for in a serious archrivalry, and it's time to move on. I think we should start fighting other people," he finally blurted, shrugging apologetically.
Kuno stepped back, his mouth agape. "Is... Is there someone else?"
The pigtailed boy nodded. "Yeah, actually there is. You see, I met this guy the other day, and, well... he turns into a monster, okay? We duked it out a bit, he beat me to within an inch of my life, and I managed to eke out a victory at the last moment with a brilliant diversion tactic. I mean, he's immune to my flame powers, he plays a key role in my dark and vaguely angst-ridden past, we have perfect chemistry together! Or, you know, against each other. Whatever."
"So, that's it then?" Kuno asked angrily, hot tears beginning to fall from his eyes. "You savagely beat me a few times, and that's it? It's over? Were you just using me all this time to sate your blasted ego?!"
"Hey, hey, don't be like that, man," Ranma said softly, patting the taller boy on the shoulder. "You'll find yourself a real archrival someday! I know it! You're going to make some poor loser a great enemy, mark my words! And besides, we can still loathe each other! We just won't fight anymore!"
"IT'S NOT THE SAME!!" Kuno sobbed, turning dramatically and sprinting away, dropping his shattered bokken in the process as he fled to a nearby walkway bench and collapsed onto it.
Ranma sighed and turned away, knowing that there was nothing he could do that could remedy the situation. "Man... that was way harder than just socking him in the jaw. I hope love isn't this complicated."
God, that's good stuff.


Well-Known Member
Hahaha, oh that was perfect!


Neville looked over at the pretty blond Ravenclaw and cocked his head to the side as he studied her. ôYou look really good when your serious. Did you know that?ö

She smiled brightly at him then grabbed his face with both hands and pressed her lips to his. ôHum, IÆve been wanting to do that for a while now. You taste like chocoberry bush. Quite refreshing.ö

Harry snickered while Fleur smirked. The rest of the group seemed torn between amazement and amusement at the events. ôWay to go mate!ö Harry interjected. ôSo are you going to shag now or shag later?ö

ôDefinitely now.ö Luna demanded and drug the boy off to their bedroom.

ôWell it was meant to be a joke.ö Harry scratched the back of his neck. ôNow itÆs just kinda awkward. Should weà well wait for them to come back?ö
- Neville, Luna and Harry, in Identity by Highbrass


Well-Known Member

His recent fight with Tousen has Zaraki thinking more and more that there's something to be said for a fight that challenges his wits along with his strength.

Between that and finally learning the name of his zanpakutou, he's starting to worry that he's turning into a great big pansy.

Yachiru is still upset that she didn't get to fight anyone during all the excitement that happened with the failed execution, Aizen's betrayal, and so on. She's also miffed that she wasn't allowed to go to the living world with Ikkaku and Yumichika.

Even so, the look of sheer horror on Ken-chan's face when she asked him if she could go was one of the funniest things she's seen in a long time. Yumichika didn't stop laughing for nearly twenty minutes.
- Counting clouds by Sophia Prester


Well-Known Member
"I could try to help... If you wanted..." Misato suggested somewhat apprehensively.

"Don't be rid..." Ritsuko started before she shut her mouth, took a deep breath and considered the offer seriously for nearly two minutes, before she spoke up again. "You'd do that for me? Truly?" she asked.

"I can't say that I would be comfortable with it without lying to you, Ritsu." Misato admitted. "But you're my friend, oldest and best friend, at least as far as I can remember. If I can help you, I will." she finished.

"Oh, thanks..." Ritsuko mumbled in an embarressed tone of voice, unable to meet Misato's eyes.

"So... Uh... How do you want to do this?" Misato asked. "I'm not munching carpet, no matter how good a friend you are!" she hastily blurted out.

"Misato!" Ritsuko protested with an embarressed yelp, shaking her head in fervent denial. "I wouldn't have asked that of you!" she assured her and gulped down a a lungfull of air. "If you could, ah... If you'd... Perhaps if you..." she trailed off and breathed deeply again. "Do you think you could, pinch my nipples, grab my breasts and perhaps slap my face, while I masturbate?" Ritsuko asked in a neutral voice, really making an effort to seem normal despite her highly unusual request.

"... You're one sick puppy, Ritsu." Misato responded and shook her head. "Well, to each their own, I guess. Sure. Fine. Whatever."
- Misato and Ritsuko, from my entry to the lemon contest

Lord Raa

Exporter of Juice Tins
Nice quote, Hawk.

I think that some of you are ready for a taste of my entry to the lemon contest...


ôI hope sheÆs ok,ö Shinji said as he walked up the corridor looking for Rei. He looked up as he heard a door open. ôAyanami-san? Is everything ok?ö

ôWhy are you here, Ikari-kun?ö Rei asked as she looked at the male pilot.

ôI was looking for you,ö Shinji explained, ôI was worried that something was wrong.ö

ôI am well, thank you for your concern, Ikari-kun,ö Rei bowed slightly.

ôThatÆs good to hear,ö Shinji smiled. ôDid you want to get something to eat?ö

ôI would like that,ö Rei smiled ever so slightly, though Shinji saw it.

Shinji blushed lightly as he and Rei walked side by side down to the cafeteria.

æIkari-kun is not unattractive,Æ Rei noted carefully, æand I do not object to spending time in his company.Æ

The pilotÆs stroll to the NERV eating area was a quiet, pleasant one until a loud female voice shattered the silence.

ôWhere is that baka?ö

ôPilot Sohryu,ö Rei noted with her eyes narrowing a fraction of a millimetre.

ôWhy does she have to be so loud?ö Shinji asked in a barely audible whisper.

ôPerhaps it is because she truly is some kind of demonic entity like Suzuhara-kun believes,ö Rei said in a slightly louder voice than the one Shinji had used.

Shinji blushed furiously when he realised that his comment had been spoken aloud, albeit in a whisper to Rei.

ôThere you are!ö Asuka declared triumphantly. ôWhere have you been and why are you blushing so much, Third? Are you in the middle of asking Rei out or something?ö

ôI was worried about Ayanami-san,ö Shinji admitted. ôShe went off to see Dr. Akagi after the test.ö

Asuka looked sceptical, but said nothing more on that matter. ôWell, itÆs time for dinner, what are you cooking me?ö

ôIkari-kun was accompanying me to the cafeteria, Pilot Sohryu. You will have to find another source for sustenance this evening.ö

ôWhat?ö Asuka shrieked. ôHe has to cook my meals before he can go gallivanting around with his doll.ö

ôPlease do not call me a doll,ö Rei said in what passed for a threatening tone. ôAnd Ikari-kun is not _your_ servant, Pilot Sohryu.ö

ôPlease, Rei, itÆs my turn to cook today,ö Shinji tried to defuse the situation. ôWe can always eat at another time.ö

ôVery well, we shall eat our evening meal together tomorrow, Ikari-kun,ö ReiÆs voice almost instructed Shinji.

ôYes, Rei,ö Shinji said nervously, his face as red as AsukaÆs plugsuit.

ôWell, since thatÆs settled, you can go on your date with Wondergirl tomorrow. Now get going and start on my dinner!ö Asuka growled.

As the Second and Third Children walked away from her, ReiÆs hunger for food was replaced with a hunger for knowledge. æI should find out what happens on these ôdatesö,Æ she thought with a tiny grin.

With that, the blue haired pilot turned to find a computer with internet access.


Edit: Just realised that some of my text was cut off. :huh.:


Well-Known Member
Sailor Mercury, in Innortal's Wrong Place, Wrong Time:
Or so help me, I will go on a killing spree the likes of which will leave all who hear of it vomiting and attempting to slash their own wrists in the hopes that such memories will not follow them beyond the veil. Do I make myself clear? she screamed