Amusing fanfiction quotes
- Thread starter Fatuous One
- Start date
Here are some quote from Catch 22, by The Sh33p ===>Catch 22
Sometime it is philosophique, most of the time plain funny ans at most 100% out of cannon, so don't take what is writen seriously.
Still, when I have read it, that have me think about what would have been the outcome if Kishimito was giving his characters more than paper-thin personality.
I made some characters apear differently...and make me whish they like that in cannon too... :sweat:
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When it comes to Bloodline Clans, Konoha is the only Hidden Village in the entire world to truly embrace its mutant freaks. This stems from the fact that its Shodaime cut a deal with both the Hyuuga and Uchiha clans during Konoha's founding: The Uchiha were recognized as being truly independent and the Hyuuga were allowed to commence the barbaric practice of Curse Sealings. The first Hokage was the originator of the Cage Seal, and every year, when most of the Village celebrates his birthday, the entire Branch Family wears solid black funeral clothing, fast from dawn to dusk and spend the vast majority of the day glaring daggers at his face on the Hokage mountain.
It's the one ritual that the Main Family has never been able to break
Chapter 1, article 4
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The Uchiha Clan was born when the second son of the Hyuuga Clan's Head became stone drunk and, in one night, impregnated seven women; a military policewoman, two civilians and four smitten Jounin who were particularly weak to a certain kind of Genjutsu that only he knew. When the Head learned of this, two of the four Jounin were forced to abort and the remaining women sought protection from the Hokage. Needless to say, he granted it.
A few decades later, the women's children started having children of their own. The policewoman's sons--triplets named Uchiha since they were bastards and that was their mother's family name--joined the military police. The Jounins' children became run-of-the-mill ninjas and the civilians' children became civilians. A few generations ticked by and the families intermarried and the Uchiha descendents used their Byakugan for purposes other than what it was meant for. Toss on a few more generations and the Byakugan finally mutated into the red pinwheel that is the Sharingan of today.
At first, the Hyuuga responded by murdering the father of the seven bastards. Then as time went by, they began to ritually castrate or sterilize any second children, until the practice began to shrink their numbers and threaten their continued survival. When the Shodaime Hokage offered them the Cage Seal as an alternative, they took it without shame and they've been unflenchingly loyal ever since.
Chapter 1, article 5
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A little known fact is that the Yondaime Hokage was what's now referred to as a Metrosexual. He not only knew how to sew and stitch, he was alarmingly good at it. He redesigned the ANBU uniform twice in six months, permanently solidifying the design and leaving it unchanged to this day. He also crafted the uniquely stylish trenchvest he wore upon becoming Hokage and spent most of his free time teaching others how to sew or repairing children's toys.
In spite of this fact, he was still one of the single most heterosexual men of his generation. One need only ask his eventual wife; they met during a sewing class.
Chapter 1, article 10
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The tradition of tying people to logs during Genin Tests dates back to the first generation of Konoha Shinobi. A Jounin named Namimaru began it by deliberately singling out a Genin named Sarutobi and pummeling him into the dirt during a test to snatch two bells. While none of his students actually succeeded, Sarutobi was the only one tied to the log. The experience humbled him beyond measure, and the speech Namimaru gave him afterward would eventually lead him to shed tears over the needless sacrifice of a pair of nameless Genin from the Sound, used as fodder in a Kinjutsu.
To date, Sarutobi is the only genius of a team to be tied to a log during a Bell Test. Of his own Genin, a loud-mouthed runt named Jiraiya ended up hitched to the log after almost--almost--succeeding at snatching the bells on his own. Of Jiraiya's Genin team, an even louder runt with yellow hair ended up tongue-tied to a log by a thirty foot tall bullfrog after miserably failing at snatching the bells on his own. Of the Yondaime's Genin Team, a more polite, yet still loud-as-hell, runt ended up tied to the log after trying to help his teammates get the bells at his own expense.
The Fourth thought it would teach the other two to have a conscience and value their teammate as more than cannon fodder. He was wrong, but he still tried.
Hatake Kakashi's Genin are the most recent examples of the Bell Test, and they went little different from the ones before them. This time, the single loudest little prick in Konoha's history ended up tied to the log and left there for two days before busting himself out.
It was only when Kakashi woke up at midnight to find all of his Icha Icha books burned, and Sasuke woke up the next morning to find his clothes bleached and dyed pink, that any of them regretted it. Naruto gained two black eyes and Sakura walked away from the whole mess unscathed.
Chapter 1, article 12
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Had Uchiha Obito survived, the world would be very different than it is today.
The Yondaime would still be dead. Naruto would still be hated by most of the village, but Hatake Kakashi would be the Godaime. Rin would have taught Shizune and Kabuto both the arts of medical ninjutsu, rather than Tsunade and the man that Kabuto lied to as his father for two decades. Umino Iruka would've had a co-conspirator throughout his childhood, and rather than stop at Chuunin, he would've hit Special Jounin by the age of twenty.
Mizuki would've died short of ever revealing to Naruto the truth about his demonic captive. He would've initially failed the Genin Test, but a roaring arguement between former friends and a subsequent fistfight that would've levelled a building would get him through anyway.
Obito would have taken in the newly formed Team Seven, and Sakura would have ended up tied to the log. Naruto would give her his food and the team would pass in the blink of an eye. Sasuke would not be the only Uchiha left in Konoha, and Itachi would genuinely hesitate about returning to capture the Kyuubi. Orochimaru would never manage to lock in the Cursed Seal on Sasuke's neck, the Chidori would die with Kakashi in battle against an equally doomed Orochimaru and Rin, not Tsunade, would become Rokudaime.
Naruto would still meet Jiraiya on a fluke. Jiraiya would still take him in, and ultimately, Naruto would gain his trademarks all the same. Sasuke would learn to rely on his own power, and it would take him further than any mere shortcut ever could. Sakura would still lag behind, but an under-the-table deal with Jiraiya would still leave her under Tsunade's guidance.
Mitarashi Anko would be half-normal, Yuuhi Kurenai would occasionally get giddy in Obito's presence and Hyuuga Hinata would be given so many peptalks by so many people that she would literally drag Naruto kicking and screaming to their first date.
Perhaps most differently of all though, there would one day be a boy with blond hair and milky white eyes--the son of a Hokage--demanding to have his 'bastard uncle' tell him about how the legendary Obito changed the world.
Not only would Sasuke tell him the whole story, he'd do it with wrinkles on his face. Every single one would come from smiling.
Chapter 1, article 19
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One day, in a Chuunin Exam, Hyuuga Hanabi and Sarutobi Konohamaru are going to square off in the finals. Hanabi will nearly cripple him with half-variations of all the techniques she knows; like performing Kaiten with only one side of her body, or using thirty-two hands a really freakin' mean kick. Then Konohamaru will shock the entire Village--and his opponent--by calmly, methodically doing six things.
First, he will ask her out on a date. The shock will stop her dead in her tracks.
Then, he will take out a ceramic bottle of sake when she irately turns him down. He'll get her to lay off long enough so that he can get a good sip of his grandfather's brew; dull the senses since he doesn't want the humiliation of actually surrendering.
Then, when she runs in to finish him off, he'll use a one-handed Seal and what little chakra he has left to hurl an alcohol-fuelled fireball at her. Hanabi will block it with a full Kaiten, then Konohamaru will throw the half-empty bottle at her. She'll block it with a Jyuuken punch, shattering the entire thing and spraying herself with sake.
Then, Konohamaru will smile prickishly and point out that she's wearing a thin, white shirt.
Then, the Blast Note he hid in the bottle will explode and leave Hanabi faceplanted into someone's empty seat up in the stands.
A few minutes after Shikamaru raises Konohamaru's hands in victory, Hanabi will stagger back down into the ring, topless, storm up to him and kick him between the legs so hard that bells will ring.
Then, she will calmly grab his collar, yank him up to eyelevel and viciously order him to wear something nice for their date.
Somewhere up in the stands, Naruto will laugh. Hinata will gawk. Neji will just look at his uncle and expectantly wait to be paid for winning a bet.
And Hiashi?
Hiashi's just going to cry like a grown man shouldn't. No-one will blame him.
Chapter 1, article 22
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(Note : I love this one... ^_^ )
After two and a half years away, Uzumaki Naruto returns to the Hidden Leaf to find that he has, inexplicably, become popular with the ladies. The four kunoichi of the Rookie Nine and Gai's team--Hinata, Sakura, Ino and TenTen--adopt him into their group. Over the next few months, between battles for his life, Naruto becomes privy to anything and everything.
When they hold sleepovers, he is the only male present. When they go shopping, he gets dragged along to provide advice on what looks attractive. When they need advice about boys, they go to him, because he is a boy, and he does like girls, but he isn't a pig, so that somehow makes him one of them. Along the way, he becomes their spy in the male community, but more than that: He learns things. He sees every single one of them nude and in lingerie, sleeps in the same bed as three out of four of them and somehow manages to avoid being beaten over the head for any of it.
He is a source of pure honesty. He gives his advice without criticism, but he gives his criticism without spite. He gives them all tips on how to look better, what men look for and what they really want. He helps them bond, and in doing so, he becomes something far more than a friend and far different from a lover.
At first, the other male ninja are in awe. Then they are curious. Then, finally, there is jealousy. One day, Kiba storms up to him with several others at his back. Naruto is at the Ichiraku, left flank more or less swamped with four kunoichi. Kiba grabs him, yanks him out of his seat and demands to know: "How in the HELL do you do that?" All the while, he has a finger pointed at the girls.
Naruto greets his question with a blank look. For a few seconds, he stays quiet, completely unphased in a situation where most guys would tremble like frightened animals. The eyes of four women trained in killing are locked to him, as are the eyes of at least as many men with the same murderous talents. He remains calm though, and eventually, gives his answer: "My favorite meat is pork, I've seen cherry-blossoms bloom and I've felt the sun's warmth. It's true what they say: A little heaven can be found here and there."
To a chorus of blank, questioning expressions, Naruto pries Kiba's fingers off and sits back down to continue eating his ramen.
The guys don't get it, and they rather dislike him for it. The girls do get it, and they love him all the more for it.
Naruto though?
Naruto gets that what he just said is actually perverted as all Hell. On the inside, he's smiling because of it.
Chapter 2, article 7
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(Note I take this one only because of the part abour Naruto, it perflectly picture him I think...)
Of all of Konoha's former Genin Teams tracing the lineage from Namimaru to Kakashi, there are certain constants that no-one has ever really noticed. It can only be seen in battle, and while the rules say that all ninja must see underneath the underneath, no-one says anything about looking next to it. It's one of those minor details that no-one notices unless they're watching from the sidelines, and even then, it's a realization that's quickly, quietly forgotten, just like the Shinobi themselves.
The constants are solid, and no matter how much each team unwittingly tries to avoid them, they are inescapable.
The genius battles with his mind, whether he is truly brilliant or just possessed of uncommonly common sense. The kunoichi battles with her soul, whether she is merciful, vengeful or just doing her job. The hard worker battles with his heart, whether it is tainted black or as pure as the falling snow.
Uchiha Sasuke likes to think that he thrives in battle, but he doesn't. Although no-one seems to realize it, he spends too much time thinking. This is why he knew to fear Orochimaru, why he telegraphed the Chidori to Itachi and why he eventually went mad enough to abandon his comrades in search of power. Even in a fight, where life and death are determined by split seconds, he thinks through his every step.
Haruno Sakura likes to think that she doesn't belong in battle, but she does and she knows it. That's why, when she strikes the ground and forces Kakashi out of hiding, she's biting back a smile that would put the fear of God into an athiest. Her spirit, seemingly unbreakable, is the greatest source of strength she has. Chiyo learned this firsthand, and because of it, she died with a smile all her own, hoping that one day, Sakura's spirit wouldn't have to be sacrificed to bring another victim of ignorant ruthlessness back to life.
Uzumaki Naruto lives in battle. Every single day is a new fight for him; be it a fight for life, pride, sanity, right or wrong. Where Sasuke mistakenly believes he belongs in battle and Sakura is in an odd state of partial denial, Naruto lives, breathes, eats and sleeps combat. It is the only place where he can truly lift the fox mask and show his face to those he confronts; he transforms from the prankster idiot to a magnificent warrior before the eyes of anyone watching. Few would admit it, but when he is stained in blood, surrounded by enemy Shinobi and smiling like the very demon locked away in his stomach, Naruto is more beautiful than any weapon should be.
Everyone who has seen him fight knows this. Even so, only a select few of them have ever taken the knowledge to heart. Of them, Iruka was first, Sasuke the least willing, Sakura the loudest, Hinata the most sincere and Neji the most frightened.
Chapter 2, article 8
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(The only one about Sai, I don't like Sai but I like the quote, so I take it...)
Among the ANBU's illegal Root organization, there exists a boy.
In the present day, he refers to himself as Sai. To date, he is the only individual ever born into the ANBU, and although he doesn't really care, he has always had a lifelong S-ranked mission.
If the Kyuubi's Jinchuuriki ever loses control, Sai is the one who is supposed to kill him. He is like a swordbreaker; a weapon designed to break other weapons into pieces. It is by this logic that he lives, and it is by this logic that he has turned his art into a means for killing his enemies.
However, Naruto is not a weapon. He can't be, simply because he looks more artistic than anything Sai has ever drawn in his life. A swordbreaker is of little use for trying to destroy artwork.
When Sai finally realizes this, he doesn't know why, but he thinks of tearing out Danzou's remaining eye and jamming a paint brush through the socket.
Chapter 2, article 15
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One day, Jiraiya 'rents' Naruto out to a less-than-well-off village in the middle of nowhere under the auspices of making some money by doing charity work.
The truth is that Jiraiya is a bored, bored, bored sadist and he's having writer's block so he wants someone else to share in his suffering.
The villagers, however, have faith in the Shinobi. So they ask Naruto to do something--anything--in order to make their village into a tourist town that can compete with any other in the world. Naruto, being Naruto, accepts this challenge, swearing to them that he'll come up with the greatest attraction any of them will ever see in their lives.
That night, he's left alone in the desert, about a mile from the village. Left to his own devices, his doubts and his resolve, he begins to experiment. First he tries to create one of Jiraiya's underworld swamps, but gives up halfway when he realizes that a smelly deathpit isn't going to draw anyone. Then he decides to create Kage Bunshin.
He talks to them for a while, mulls things over and, when nothing seems to come, Naruto decides to experiment for real. He heads away from his Kage Bunshin, then guides them into circling around one individual. He has them start molding chakra onto this individual, even as that particular Kage Bunshin is shunting it out at every possible angle. After a while, it begins to look like he's completely encased in a body-wide Rasengan, glowing as hot and yellow as the sun itself. Naruto is, eerily, reminded of Kaiten.
Then the clones lose control.
The resulting explosion gouges out a three mile wide, two mile deep crater that's shaped like a steep bowl. So similar to a bowl, in fact, that the bottom is completely covered with what looks like molten glass.
Naruto knows that the villagers will arrive soon, wondering what in the Hell just happened. Jiraiya will be with them, and Naruto does not want to have to deal with an angry pornographer who can kill people with his hair.
So he improvises. He summons Gama Bunta and gets him to fill the crater with water, cooling the molten glass and leaving cracks in it that lead straight to the sand below. Along the way, Bunta's cannonballs split open the way to an actual underwater river running in from the ocean.
By the time the villagers and Jiraiya finally arrive, Gama Bunta is gone and Naruto is floating around in the newly formed lake. The next day, the village leaders announce plans to become a resort town; an oasis in the desert. In his honor, they name it the Great Naruto Lake.
Around the world, ninja take notice. There's a new Hokage coming, and he's already leaving his mark everywhere he goes.
Chapter 2, article 22
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I'm stoping here or I'm going to quote the entire fanfiction.
By the, it's actually a 5 chapters fanfique and it's really great, so go read it !!! :yay:
Sometime it is philosophique, most of the time plain funny ans at most 100% out of cannon, so don't take what is writen seriously.
Still, when I have read it, that have me think about what would have been the outcome if Kishimito was giving his characters more than paper-thin personality.
I made some characters apear differently...and make me whish they like that in cannon too... :sweat:
-------------------------------------------------
When it comes to Bloodline Clans, Konoha is the only Hidden Village in the entire world to truly embrace its mutant freaks. This stems from the fact that its Shodaime cut a deal with both the Hyuuga and Uchiha clans during Konoha's founding: The Uchiha were recognized as being truly independent and the Hyuuga were allowed to commence the barbaric practice of Curse Sealings. The first Hokage was the originator of the Cage Seal, and every year, when most of the Village celebrates his birthday, the entire Branch Family wears solid black funeral clothing, fast from dawn to dusk and spend the vast majority of the day glaring daggers at his face on the Hokage mountain.
It's the one ritual that the Main Family has never been able to break
Chapter 1, article 4
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The Uchiha Clan was born when the second son of the Hyuuga Clan's Head became stone drunk and, in one night, impregnated seven women; a military policewoman, two civilians and four smitten Jounin who were particularly weak to a certain kind of Genjutsu that only he knew. When the Head learned of this, two of the four Jounin were forced to abort and the remaining women sought protection from the Hokage. Needless to say, he granted it.
A few decades later, the women's children started having children of their own. The policewoman's sons--triplets named Uchiha since they were bastards and that was their mother's family name--joined the military police. The Jounins' children became run-of-the-mill ninjas and the civilians' children became civilians. A few generations ticked by and the families intermarried and the Uchiha descendents used their Byakugan for purposes other than what it was meant for. Toss on a few more generations and the Byakugan finally mutated into the red pinwheel that is the Sharingan of today.
At first, the Hyuuga responded by murdering the father of the seven bastards. Then as time went by, they began to ritually castrate or sterilize any second children, until the practice began to shrink their numbers and threaten their continued survival. When the Shodaime Hokage offered them the Cage Seal as an alternative, they took it without shame and they've been unflenchingly loyal ever since.
Chapter 1, article 5
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A little known fact is that the Yondaime Hokage was what's now referred to as a Metrosexual. He not only knew how to sew and stitch, he was alarmingly good at it. He redesigned the ANBU uniform twice in six months, permanently solidifying the design and leaving it unchanged to this day. He also crafted the uniquely stylish trenchvest he wore upon becoming Hokage and spent most of his free time teaching others how to sew or repairing children's toys.
In spite of this fact, he was still one of the single most heterosexual men of his generation. One need only ask his eventual wife; they met during a sewing class.
Chapter 1, article 10
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The tradition of tying people to logs during Genin Tests dates back to the first generation of Konoha Shinobi. A Jounin named Namimaru began it by deliberately singling out a Genin named Sarutobi and pummeling him into the dirt during a test to snatch two bells. While none of his students actually succeeded, Sarutobi was the only one tied to the log. The experience humbled him beyond measure, and the speech Namimaru gave him afterward would eventually lead him to shed tears over the needless sacrifice of a pair of nameless Genin from the Sound, used as fodder in a Kinjutsu.
To date, Sarutobi is the only genius of a team to be tied to a log during a Bell Test. Of his own Genin, a loud-mouthed runt named Jiraiya ended up hitched to the log after almost--almost--succeeding at snatching the bells on his own. Of Jiraiya's Genin team, an even louder runt with yellow hair ended up tongue-tied to a log by a thirty foot tall bullfrog after miserably failing at snatching the bells on his own. Of the Yondaime's Genin Team, a more polite, yet still loud-as-hell, runt ended up tied to the log after trying to help his teammates get the bells at his own expense.
The Fourth thought it would teach the other two to have a conscience and value their teammate as more than cannon fodder. He was wrong, but he still tried.
Hatake Kakashi's Genin are the most recent examples of the Bell Test, and they went little different from the ones before them. This time, the single loudest little prick in Konoha's history ended up tied to the log and left there for two days before busting himself out.
It was only when Kakashi woke up at midnight to find all of his Icha Icha books burned, and Sasuke woke up the next morning to find his clothes bleached and dyed pink, that any of them regretted it. Naruto gained two black eyes and Sakura walked away from the whole mess unscathed.
Chapter 1, article 12
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Had Uchiha Obito survived, the world would be very different than it is today.
The Yondaime would still be dead. Naruto would still be hated by most of the village, but Hatake Kakashi would be the Godaime. Rin would have taught Shizune and Kabuto both the arts of medical ninjutsu, rather than Tsunade and the man that Kabuto lied to as his father for two decades. Umino Iruka would've had a co-conspirator throughout his childhood, and rather than stop at Chuunin, he would've hit Special Jounin by the age of twenty.
Mizuki would've died short of ever revealing to Naruto the truth about his demonic captive. He would've initially failed the Genin Test, but a roaring arguement between former friends and a subsequent fistfight that would've levelled a building would get him through anyway.
Obito would have taken in the newly formed Team Seven, and Sakura would have ended up tied to the log. Naruto would give her his food and the team would pass in the blink of an eye. Sasuke would not be the only Uchiha left in Konoha, and Itachi would genuinely hesitate about returning to capture the Kyuubi. Orochimaru would never manage to lock in the Cursed Seal on Sasuke's neck, the Chidori would die with Kakashi in battle against an equally doomed Orochimaru and Rin, not Tsunade, would become Rokudaime.
Naruto would still meet Jiraiya on a fluke. Jiraiya would still take him in, and ultimately, Naruto would gain his trademarks all the same. Sasuke would learn to rely on his own power, and it would take him further than any mere shortcut ever could. Sakura would still lag behind, but an under-the-table deal with Jiraiya would still leave her under Tsunade's guidance.
Mitarashi Anko would be half-normal, Yuuhi Kurenai would occasionally get giddy in Obito's presence and Hyuuga Hinata would be given so many peptalks by so many people that she would literally drag Naruto kicking and screaming to their first date.
Perhaps most differently of all though, there would one day be a boy with blond hair and milky white eyes--the son of a Hokage--demanding to have his 'bastard uncle' tell him about how the legendary Obito changed the world.
Not only would Sasuke tell him the whole story, he'd do it with wrinkles on his face. Every single one would come from smiling.
Chapter 1, article 19
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One day, in a Chuunin Exam, Hyuuga Hanabi and Sarutobi Konohamaru are going to square off in the finals. Hanabi will nearly cripple him with half-variations of all the techniques she knows; like performing Kaiten with only one side of her body, or using thirty-two hands a really freakin' mean kick. Then Konohamaru will shock the entire Village--and his opponent--by calmly, methodically doing six things.
First, he will ask her out on a date. The shock will stop her dead in her tracks.
Then, he will take out a ceramic bottle of sake when she irately turns him down. He'll get her to lay off long enough so that he can get a good sip of his grandfather's brew; dull the senses since he doesn't want the humiliation of actually surrendering.
Then, when she runs in to finish him off, he'll use a one-handed Seal and what little chakra he has left to hurl an alcohol-fuelled fireball at her. Hanabi will block it with a full Kaiten, then Konohamaru will throw the half-empty bottle at her. She'll block it with a Jyuuken punch, shattering the entire thing and spraying herself with sake.
Then, Konohamaru will smile prickishly and point out that she's wearing a thin, white shirt.
Then, the Blast Note he hid in the bottle will explode and leave Hanabi faceplanted into someone's empty seat up in the stands.
A few minutes after Shikamaru raises Konohamaru's hands in victory, Hanabi will stagger back down into the ring, topless, storm up to him and kick him between the legs so hard that bells will ring.
Then, she will calmly grab his collar, yank him up to eyelevel and viciously order him to wear something nice for their date.
Somewhere up in the stands, Naruto will laugh. Hinata will gawk. Neji will just look at his uncle and expectantly wait to be paid for winning a bet.
And Hiashi?
Hiashi's just going to cry like a grown man shouldn't. No-one will blame him.
Chapter 1, article 22
---------------------------------------------
(Note : I love this one... ^_^ )
After two and a half years away, Uzumaki Naruto returns to the Hidden Leaf to find that he has, inexplicably, become popular with the ladies. The four kunoichi of the Rookie Nine and Gai's team--Hinata, Sakura, Ino and TenTen--adopt him into their group. Over the next few months, between battles for his life, Naruto becomes privy to anything and everything.
When they hold sleepovers, he is the only male present. When they go shopping, he gets dragged along to provide advice on what looks attractive. When they need advice about boys, they go to him, because he is a boy, and he does like girls, but he isn't a pig, so that somehow makes him one of them. Along the way, he becomes their spy in the male community, but more than that: He learns things. He sees every single one of them nude and in lingerie, sleeps in the same bed as three out of four of them and somehow manages to avoid being beaten over the head for any of it.
He is a source of pure honesty. He gives his advice without criticism, but he gives his criticism without spite. He gives them all tips on how to look better, what men look for and what they really want. He helps them bond, and in doing so, he becomes something far more than a friend and far different from a lover.
At first, the other male ninja are in awe. Then they are curious. Then, finally, there is jealousy. One day, Kiba storms up to him with several others at his back. Naruto is at the Ichiraku, left flank more or less swamped with four kunoichi. Kiba grabs him, yanks him out of his seat and demands to know: "How in the HELL do you do that?" All the while, he has a finger pointed at the girls.
Naruto greets his question with a blank look. For a few seconds, he stays quiet, completely unphased in a situation where most guys would tremble like frightened animals. The eyes of four women trained in killing are locked to him, as are the eyes of at least as many men with the same murderous talents. He remains calm though, and eventually, gives his answer: "My favorite meat is pork, I've seen cherry-blossoms bloom and I've felt the sun's warmth. It's true what they say: A little heaven can be found here and there."
To a chorus of blank, questioning expressions, Naruto pries Kiba's fingers off and sits back down to continue eating his ramen.
The guys don't get it, and they rather dislike him for it. The girls do get it, and they love him all the more for it.
Naruto though?
Naruto gets that what he just said is actually perverted as all Hell. On the inside, he's smiling because of it.
Chapter 2, article 7
------------------------------------------------
(Note I take this one only because of the part abour Naruto, it perflectly picture him I think...)
Of all of Konoha's former Genin Teams tracing the lineage from Namimaru to Kakashi, there are certain constants that no-one has ever really noticed. It can only be seen in battle, and while the rules say that all ninja must see underneath the underneath, no-one says anything about looking next to it. It's one of those minor details that no-one notices unless they're watching from the sidelines, and even then, it's a realization that's quickly, quietly forgotten, just like the Shinobi themselves.
The constants are solid, and no matter how much each team unwittingly tries to avoid them, they are inescapable.
The genius battles with his mind, whether he is truly brilliant or just possessed of uncommonly common sense. The kunoichi battles with her soul, whether she is merciful, vengeful or just doing her job. The hard worker battles with his heart, whether it is tainted black or as pure as the falling snow.
Uchiha Sasuke likes to think that he thrives in battle, but he doesn't. Although no-one seems to realize it, he spends too much time thinking. This is why he knew to fear Orochimaru, why he telegraphed the Chidori to Itachi and why he eventually went mad enough to abandon his comrades in search of power. Even in a fight, where life and death are determined by split seconds, he thinks through his every step.
Haruno Sakura likes to think that she doesn't belong in battle, but she does and she knows it. That's why, when she strikes the ground and forces Kakashi out of hiding, she's biting back a smile that would put the fear of God into an athiest. Her spirit, seemingly unbreakable, is the greatest source of strength she has. Chiyo learned this firsthand, and because of it, she died with a smile all her own, hoping that one day, Sakura's spirit wouldn't have to be sacrificed to bring another victim of ignorant ruthlessness back to life.
Uzumaki Naruto lives in battle. Every single day is a new fight for him; be it a fight for life, pride, sanity, right or wrong. Where Sasuke mistakenly believes he belongs in battle and Sakura is in an odd state of partial denial, Naruto lives, breathes, eats and sleeps combat. It is the only place where he can truly lift the fox mask and show his face to those he confronts; he transforms from the prankster idiot to a magnificent warrior before the eyes of anyone watching. Few would admit it, but when he is stained in blood, surrounded by enemy Shinobi and smiling like the very demon locked away in his stomach, Naruto is more beautiful than any weapon should be.
Everyone who has seen him fight knows this. Even so, only a select few of them have ever taken the knowledge to heart. Of them, Iruka was first, Sasuke the least willing, Sakura the loudest, Hinata the most sincere and Neji the most frightened.
Chapter 2, article 8
----------------------------------------------------
(The only one about Sai, I don't like Sai but I like the quote, so I take it...)
Among the ANBU's illegal Root organization, there exists a boy.
In the present day, he refers to himself as Sai. To date, he is the only individual ever born into the ANBU, and although he doesn't really care, he has always had a lifelong S-ranked mission.
If the Kyuubi's Jinchuuriki ever loses control, Sai is the one who is supposed to kill him. He is like a swordbreaker; a weapon designed to break other weapons into pieces. It is by this logic that he lives, and it is by this logic that he has turned his art into a means for killing his enemies.
However, Naruto is not a weapon. He can't be, simply because he looks more artistic than anything Sai has ever drawn in his life. A swordbreaker is of little use for trying to destroy artwork.
When Sai finally realizes this, he doesn't know why, but he thinks of tearing out Danzou's remaining eye and jamming a paint brush through the socket.
Chapter 2, article 15
-------------------------------------------------------
One day, Jiraiya 'rents' Naruto out to a less-than-well-off village in the middle of nowhere under the auspices of making some money by doing charity work.
The truth is that Jiraiya is a bored, bored, bored sadist and he's having writer's block so he wants someone else to share in his suffering.
The villagers, however, have faith in the Shinobi. So they ask Naruto to do something--anything--in order to make their village into a tourist town that can compete with any other in the world. Naruto, being Naruto, accepts this challenge, swearing to them that he'll come up with the greatest attraction any of them will ever see in their lives.
That night, he's left alone in the desert, about a mile from the village. Left to his own devices, his doubts and his resolve, he begins to experiment. First he tries to create one of Jiraiya's underworld swamps, but gives up halfway when he realizes that a smelly deathpit isn't going to draw anyone. Then he decides to create Kage Bunshin.
He talks to them for a while, mulls things over and, when nothing seems to come, Naruto decides to experiment for real. He heads away from his Kage Bunshin, then guides them into circling around one individual. He has them start molding chakra onto this individual, even as that particular Kage Bunshin is shunting it out at every possible angle. After a while, it begins to look like he's completely encased in a body-wide Rasengan, glowing as hot and yellow as the sun itself. Naruto is, eerily, reminded of Kaiten.
Then the clones lose control.
The resulting explosion gouges out a three mile wide, two mile deep crater that's shaped like a steep bowl. So similar to a bowl, in fact, that the bottom is completely covered with what looks like molten glass.
Naruto knows that the villagers will arrive soon, wondering what in the Hell just happened. Jiraiya will be with them, and Naruto does not want to have to deal with an angry pornographer who can kill people with his hair.
So he improvises. He summons Gama Bunta and gets him to fill the crater with water, cooling the molten glass and leaving cracks in it that lead straight to the sand below. Along the way, Bunta's cannonballs split open the way to an actual underwater river running in from the ocean.
By the time the villagers and Jiraiya finally arrive, Gama Bunta is gone and Naruto is floating around in the newly formed lake. The next day, the village leaders announce plans to become a resort town; an oasis in the desert. In his honor, they name it the Great Naruto Lake.
Around the world, ninja take notice. There's a new Hokage coming, and he's already leaving his mark everywhere he goes.
Chapter 2, article 22
---------------------------------------------
I'm stoping here or I'm going to quote the entire fanfiction.
By the, it's actually a 5 chapters fanfique and it's really great, so go read it !!! :yay:
Heh, among the Rookie nine I would say...hmm, I can't really decide, unsure. But among everyone, in terms of just overall compatibility I would have to sya Tsunade, despite the age difference, looking at it personality wise, they would work really well together, I site the same reason for this as why Shinji and Misato would work well together.
Oooh, that's a good one .To pull it off , I see two ways .
1]Naruto is taken out of Konoha , maybe by Jiraiya or hell, even Orochimaru. While on the road , they meet little Tayuya , and she catch the eye of the sannin.
-If it's the pervert , they save her from her current troubles , and on the road they go.
-If it's the snake freak , it can be a little more twisted :snigger: . Orochimaru murders her whole family , and either use a memory jutsu to deflect tayuya hate to someone else , like a sharingan or byakugan user ( freaky eyes are hard to forget), or simpply keep her under his thumb the hard way , until she get her curse seal.
Then after a time , they get back to Konoha.
- If their master was Jiraiya , They can be back for the gennin exam .
-If it's Oro, you need to have them get in much younger , and hide a la Kabuto . And we'd get a Naruto like the one in "Foxh identity" .
2]Another way to do it would be to take the destruction of konoha as the begining of the fic .The sound attack , the leaf lose , and Narutio runaway with a unconscious girl he saved from the Sound Nins . The girl is of course Tayuya who was freed from her curse seal , and condemned as a traitor by Orochimaru.So they tag , looking for other escaped leaf nins, and trying to survive each other .
1]Naruto is taken out of Konoha , maybe by Jiraiya or hell, even Orochimaru. While on the road , they meet little Tayuya , and she catch the eye of the sannin.
-If it's the pervert , they save her from her current troubles , and on the road they go.
-If it's the snake freak , it can be a little more twisted :snigger: . Orochimaru murders her whole family , and either use a memory jutsu to deflect tayuya hate to someone else , like a sharingan or byakugan user ( freaky eyes are hard to forget), or simpply keep her under his thumb the hard way , until she get her curse seal.
Then after a time , they get back to Konoha.
- If their master was Jiraiya , They can be back for the gennin exam .
-If it's Oro, you need to have them get in much younger , and hide a la Kabuto . And we'd get a Naruto like the one in "Foxh identity" .
2]Another way to do it would be to take the destruction of konoha as the begining of the fic .The sound attack , the leaf lose , and Narutio runaway with a unconscious girl he saved from the Sound Nins . The girl is of course Tayuya who was freed from her curse seal , and condemned as a traitor by Orochimaru.So they tag , looking for other escaped leaf nins, and trying to survive each other .
Yes, it is the main problem with a Naruto/Tayuya, before making anything happen berween them, you need to find a way for them to don't kill each other first.
By the way, I give away one of my pet crack pairing but don't respond to my own question.
So, among the Rookie-9 I choose Ino.
If we stay in the same generation but outside of the Rookies, Temari or Tenten...and if it's a NaruTemTen it's even better...
~
And without any restrain, then it's Anko, Anko and Anko only because she is the best. ^_^
By the way, I give away one of my pet crack pairing but don't respond to my own question.
So, among the Rookie-9 I choose Ino.
If we stay in the same generation but outside of the Rookies, Temari or Tenten...and if it's a NaruTemTen it's even better...
~ And without any restrain, then it's Anko, Anko and Anko only because she is the best. ^_^
Oh well...
From a fic where the main pairing is Naruto/Kin
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2842610/1/
Read his rants and comments regarding "famous" lines in the anime... :rofl:
From a fic where the main pairing is Naruto/Kin
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2842610/1/
Read his rants and comments regarding "famous" lines in the anime... :rofl:
From "In Vain Doth Valour Bleed"
(They are discussing an elite Zeon unit's operations in Europe in 0087)
"All right, folks," spoke Colonel Lucas Edgrove with more confidence than he actually possessed at this juncture, "what are our options?"
The staff room in the Central European HQ in Bonn was full for the first time since Operation Stardust in 0083. The horseshoe-shaped table was packed tight with staff officers and adjutants from every branch of the Federation Armed Forces available. A few stragglers were still coming in, but Reinhardt von Seydlitz's face was still on the main monitor that took up the majority of the far wall, trapped in a still frame that had not budged in ten minutes. Those stuck in traffic or waiting for 'thopter transport to pick them up were on speakerphones strewn across the room, each manned by lower-ranked staffers as a stopgap for communication. The only conspicuous absence was Titans Captain Garrett Sajer, whom Edgrove knew was undoubtedly on the phone shrieking at Titans Major Tizard in Lyons before coming in here to give his own inevitable opinion.
"Options?" snorted one of his staff. "I guess we could spread our cheeks with both hands and beg the big pirate not to hurt us too badly."
(They are discussing an elite Zeon unit's operations in Europe in 0087)
"All right, folks," spoke Colonel Lucas Edgrove with more confidence than he actually possessed at this juncture, "what are our options?"
The staff room in the Central European HQ in Bonn was full for the first time since Operation Stardust in 0083. The horseshoe-shaped table was packed tight with staff officers and adjutants from every branch of the Federation Armed Forces available. A few stragglers were still coming in, but Reinhardt von Seydlitz's face was still on the main monitor that took up the majority of the far wall, trapped in a still frame that had not budged in ten minutes. Those stuck in traffic or waiting for 'thopter transport to pick them up were on speakerphones strewn across the room, each manned by lower-ranked staffers as a stopgap for communication. The only conspicuous absence was Titans Captain Garrett Sajer, whom Edgrove knew was undoubtedly on the phone shrieking at Titans Major Tizard in Lyons before coming in here to give his own inevitable opinion.
"Options?" snorted one of his staff. "I guess we could spread our cheeks with both hands and beg the big pirate not to hurt us too badly."
From Judah's "Right Moments" -
It's an extremely extended joke, to be sure. But I think it rather appropriate, what with the recent "generic rant" thread.
It's an extremely extended joke, to be sure. But I think it rather appropriate, what with the recent "generic rant" thread.
Still revising old Hawkverse stories and found a few chuckles in there.
***
"Shoot first, shoot second, stomp it into the ground, set it on fire and then you can start asking yourself just what the fuck that was!"
- Hawk
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Hawk's All You Can Eat Marathon. Todays special is, Knuckle Sandwhich."
- Hawk
"You sick fuck! I'm going to pull your heart out, yank your asshole off, shove one into the other and feed them to you!"
- Hawk
"All-rightie-oh, you fucking little pests! I am not here to do bloody trap maintenance or to sodding voulenteer my sorry arse for being skewered on some sharp object! So! Stop! Fucking! Touching! Everything!" Niklas bellowed at the fairies as he crawled out of a pit filled with sharpened stakes.
- Hawk
"Get your stinking paws off me, you complete waste of egg'n sperm."
- Jubilee
"You... 'Wipe' your asses by... Putting the larvae on your backside and allow it to... Eat... The crap right off you?" Niklas intoned and as he received several confused nods as a reply, shuddered in revulsion. "Yergh! Yeeesh, man! That just 'aint right!"
- Hawk
"Look here, mister. If it isn't nailed, glued and tied down, as well as surrounded by advanced defence systems, it's mine. If it can be reached and absconded with despite just mentioned precautions, it's still mine." Jubilee announced, giving the group in the room her opinion on the finer points of ownership.
- Jubilee
"Ah, that's Dwarf cooking for you. I'm afraid the dwarf philosphy regarding ingredients can be summed up by the phrase 'Whatever didn't run, crawl, swim or fly away fast enough'."
- Hawk
***
"Oh, come on. You know all the best places, you know most of the store owners on a first-name basis, you have all the inside intel on what's hot, what has been hot, what's going to be hot and you've got taste. You're practically a woman!" Ororo exclaimed.
"Gee. Thanks." Niklas responded, the sarcasm dripping off every word.
"Come on. It's just for a little while." she continued.
"Girs *never* go shopping just for a 'little' while." he snorted.
"I'll buy lingerie..." Ororo enticed him.
"Sorry, not interested." Niklas deadpanned.
"Several. Sets." Ororo continued unabashedly. "I'll let you pick them out." she offered, leaning in and stroking his neck.
"Interested. Not. Am. I." Niklas insisted, a few beads of sweat appearing on his forehead.
"Oh, we're going shopping?" Jean inquired, stopping next to the two of them. "Are we persuading him to come along? We're persuading him, aren't we?" she inquired, not bothering to wait for an answer before she struck a pose and batted her eyelashes at him. "I need to shop for some new lingerie, come to think of it." she purred.
"Ororo has already tried that. And you've got a husband! He's taken the wows for better'n worse and everything, he can go with you!" Niklas exclaimed, pleased with his marvelous idea.
"He's no fun to bring along for a shopping trip. While it is flattering to hear that 'I look beautiful no matter what I wear and by the way, what does that cost?', I none the less prefer your more honest responses." Jean insisted.
"Shoppin'? Count me in!" Rogue exclaimed, walking around a corner. "Ah need a new swimsuit." she drawled with a sultry look directed at Niklas, instantly understanding that she had walked right into a persuasion campaign in full swing.
"Come on, you can't refuse an offer like that, can you?" Ororo inquired. "Lingerie, lingerie and swimsuits, all in one trip?" she purred.
"I know you guys. It'll take hours!" Niklas protested, backing up against the wall where the three girls cornered him mercilessly. "You'll go to store after store after store after store. It'll take all day!"
"Lingerie..." Ororo purred.
"Lingerie..." Jean whispered.
"Swimsuits... Bikinis... One-piece... String..." Rogue drawled.
"I'll... I'll just go get the car, shall I?" Niklas inquired in a defeated tone of voice.
"You do that, hon." Ororo approved with a smile.
- Ororo, Hawk, Jean and Rogue
***
"Shoot first, shoot second, stomp it into the ground, set it on fire and then you can start asking yourself just what the fuck that was!"
- Hawk
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Hawk's All You Can Eat Marathon. Todays special is, Knuckle Sandwhich."
- Hawk
"You sick fuck! I'm going to pull your heart out, yank your asshole off, shove one into the other and feed them to you!"
- Hawk
"All-rightie-oh, you fucking little pests! I am not here to do bloody trap maintenance or to sodding voulenteer my sorry arse for being skewered on some sharp object! So! Stop! Fucking! Touching! Everything!" Niklas bellowed at the fairies as he crawled out of a pit filled with sharpened stakes.
- Hawk
"Get your stinking paws off me, you complete waste of egg'n sperm."
- Jubilee
"You... 'Wipe' your asses by... Putting the larvae on your backside and allow it to... Eat... The crap right off you?" Niklas intoned and as he received several confused nods as a reply, shuddered in revulsion. "Yergh! Yeeesh, man! That just 'aint right!"
- Hawk
"Look here, mister. If it isn't nailed, glued and tied down, as well as surrounded by advanced defence systems, it's mine. If it can be reached and absconded with despite just mentioned precautions, it's still mine." Jubilee announced, giving the group in the room her opinion on the finer points of ownership.
- Jubilee
"Ah, that's Dwarf cooking for you. I'm afraid the dwarf philosphy regarding ingredients can be summed up by the phrase 'Whatever didn't run, crawl, swim or fly away fast enough'."
- Hawk
***
"Oh, come on. You know all the best places, you know most of the store owners on a first-name basis, you have all the inside intel on what's hot, what has been hot, what's going to be hot and you've got taste. You're practically a woman!" Ororo exclaimed.
"Gee. Thanks." Niklas responded, the sarcasm dripping off every word.
"Come on. It's just for a little while." she continued.
"Girs *never* go shopping just for a 'little' while." he snorted.
"I'll buy lingerie..." Ororo enticed him.
"Sorry, not interested." Niklas deadpanned.
"Several. Sets." Ororo continued unabashedly. "I'll let you pick them out." she offered, leaning in and stroking his neck.
"Interested. Not. Am. I." Niklas insisted, a few beads of sweat appearing on his forehead.
"Oh, we're going shopping?" Jean inquired, stopping next to the two of them. "Are we persuading him to come along? We're persuading him, aren't we?" she inquired, not bothering to wait for an answer before she struck a pose and batted her eyelashes at him. "I need to shop for some new lingerie, come to think of it." she purred.
"Ororo has already tried that. And you've got a husband! He's taken the wows for better'n worse and everything, he can go with you!" Niklas exclaimed, pleased with his marvelous idea.
"He's no fun to bring along for a shopping trip. While it is flattering to hear that 'I look beautiful no matter what I wear and by the way, what does that cost?', I none the less prefer your more honest responses." Jean insisted.
"Shoppin'? Count me in!" Rogue exclaimed, walking around a corner. "Ah need a new swimsuit." she drawled with a sultry look directed at Niklas, instantly understanding that she had walked right into a persuasion campaign in full swing.
"Come on, you can't refuse an offer like that, can you?" Ororo inquired. "Lingerie, lingerie and swimsuits, all in one trip?" she purred.
"I know you guys. It'll take hours!" Niklas protested, backing up against the wall where the three girls cornered him mercilessly. "You'll go to store after store after store after store. It'll take all day!"
"Lingerie..." Ororo purred.
"Lingerie..." Jean whispered.
"Swimsuits... Bikinis... One-piece... String..." Rogue drawled.
"I'll... I'll just go get the car, shall I?" Niklas inquired in a defeated tone of voice.
"You do that, hon." Ororo approved with a smile.
- Ororo, Hawk, Jean and Rogue
- Under the gun by Fifth Horseman.
- Changing Seasons by JErosion. Not only is it a good NGE-fic, but it's Shinji/Hikari to boot!
Hehe, man-ass...
Hehe, man-ass...