Amusing fanfiction quotes

Brock, is Steelix recovered enough for us to ride on him?

"Ahà I think so. We're headed for Cameran?"

"Yes, I have business there. Now, any problems with that?"

"Not at all." Brock's eyes began to glow. "Especially withà Queen Ileneà oh, my sweet-"

BAM!

Misty picked up Brock from where she'd smacked him into the floorà with her Goldeen. "Don't start this again, Brock, or we will make a special trip to Sinnoh to find your Croagunk. He could keep you in line."

"My devotionà is only overshadowedà by my painà"
From the fanfic <a href='http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7262793/1/Ashes_of_the_Past' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>Ashes of the Past.</a>
 

chronodekar

Obsessively signs his posts
Staff member
zeebee1 said:
And once again there is no link. We don't even know who the author is.
And here I was finally glad that we got that annoying habit out of his system. Somehow my hopes have been crushed ... AGAIN!

-chronodekar
 
chronodekar said:
zeebee1 said:
And once again there is no link. We don't even know who the author is.
And here I was finally glad that we got that annoying habit out of his system. Somehow my hopes have been crushed ... AGAIN!

-chronodekar
*Rolls eyes*

Like I'm the only one who's done it. Somehow I got singled out. Whatever.
 

Lord Raa

Exporter of Juice Tins
ragnarok1337 said:
chronodekar said:
zeebee1 said:
And once again there is no link. We don't even know who the author is.
And here I was finally glad that we got that annoying habit out of his system. Somehow my hopes have been crushed ... AGAIN!

-chronodekar
*Rolls eyes*

Like I'm the only one who's done it. Somehow I got singled out. Whatever.
And that is the nature of injustice.
 

WizardOne

Well-Known Member
There are other people, but they don't post quotes as often as you, therefore you're singled out.
 
WizardOne said:
There are other people, but they don't post quotes as often as you, therefore you're singled out.
...I joined TFF when this was on the 48th page or something.
 

PCHeintz72

The Sentient Fanfic Search Engine mk II
There are *plenty* of people whom do not give any or full link info and never get called on it in this forum, it has come up several times over the last several years... every now and then... someone gets singled out for either giving too many links, links in wrong format, or no links...

I would more wish the same standards were leveled against everyone. I for example hate raw links with no info, links with nothing to go by than 'this is great' or , or links that list stories, but not series...

I'm still put out over my own recurring issues with this forum over that... and one of the reasons I post links or quotes not nearly as often as I used to. And one of the reasons this forum and one other are forums I do not post to during the month of May...
 
WizardOne said:
and you have 2037 posts. Your point?
Wow, really?

*checks post count*

Shit, I had no idea.

WizardOne said:
Any number of those could be in this thread.
It's obvious that you're bullshitting from this sentence alone. You have no idea, and just jumped on the bandwagon like a good little sheep. A unthinking, stupid sheep. To the slaughter.
 

WizardOne

Well-Known Member
Its obvious you're mad.

Its not jumping on the bandwagon when I've seen you do it several times.

Its making an informed opinion with evidence.

The fact that you actually try to defend it is quite sad.

You clearly don't know the difference between 'repeat offender' and 'Oh I did it once or twice why are they abusing me boo hoo'
 

Ashaman

Well-Known Member
ragnarok1337 said:
Brock, is Steelix recovered enough for us to ride on him?

"Ahà I think so. We're headed for Cameran?"

"Yes, I have business there. Now, any problems with that?"

"Not at all." Brock's eyes began to glow. "Especially withà Queen Ileneà oh, my sweet-"

BAM!

Misty picked up Brock from where she'd smacked him into the floorà with her Goldeen. "Don't start this again, Brock, or we will make a special trip to Sinnoh to find your Croagunk. He could keep you in line."

"My devotionà is only overshadowedà by my painà"
From the fanfic <a href='http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7262793/1/Ashes_of_the_Past' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>Ashes of the Past.</a>
After reading this story, (which is rediculous in both good and bad ways) I'm surprised that this is the quote you gave us.

I thought these were better.

We are lost. In a forest. Full of Bug Type PokÚmon. I am quite proud that I have not freaked out already."

"Yeah, I get the point." Ash sighed again, feeling thoroughly weary despite the early hour. "I'm sorry that we're lost. I'm sorry we've been in here for a week. I'm sorry that Sammy from Pallet with the Charmander passed us four days ago. I'm also sorry that you feel a little freaked out whenever Pikachu and I practice."

"Well, can you blame me? You're teaching a Pikachu the skills of a fighting type, and you're trying to learn how to infuse yourself with electricity. Even for you, this is not normal."

"Well, I am also working with him to help his electric attacksà"

"Ash, you're trying to invent an electric version of Hyper Beam! Forgive me if I, a Water type Gym Leader, don't feel too happy about the prospect."
"Oh, yeah, her. The rabid feminist." Ash rubbed his chin. "Now, how to handle herà"

Misty grinned cheekily. "Your first step, Ashley-"

"NO!" Ash shouted, cheeks flaming. "It was bad enough the first time, worse the second, and not quite as bad as the third, which is what really worries me!"

Kricketune chirped in the grass, somewhat unusually as they weren't native to the region.

Misty coughed. "Something you want to talk about, Ash?"

"NO!"
James jogged into the next clearing. "Phewà I need a quick rest after that. Meowth?"

The scratch cat materialized next to him. "Dey're about three minutes behind yas, da ambush by Cubone slowed them down a lot."

"Right." James considered. "We ready to use Growlie yet?"

"Ehà probably. We got Arbok an' Weezing in reserve, and dey're more useful in blocking positions."

"I'll give him a go then. Let Jessie know I'll be along in a minute."

Meowth nodded and vanished again.

For a moment, a manic grin flickered across James' face. "I love being competent!"
 

da_fox2279

California Crackpot
"Lacereus!" an angry voice hissed as he stepped inside.

He had been expecting something like this, and batted the Slashing Curse away with his wand before returning with a Disarming Spell. Snatching Daphne's wand out of the air and tucking it into his belt, he waggled a finger at her playfully.

"Now, now," he admonished. "Is that any way to treat someone who rescued you from a fate worse than death?"

Smouldering dark eyes regarded him as her lips curled into a snarl. "Can't I just spread my legs for you and be done with it?" she asked waspishly.

Harry frowned and thought about it for a moment, then shook his head. "Maybe on the second date. I don't want people thinking you're a scarlet woman or anything."

She looked at him as if he had grown a second head. "You are so... odd," she said distastefully. "How did you ever end up in Gryffindor, anyway?"

He flashed her another somewhat maniacal grin. "The Hat only put me there because Dumbledore took away it's supply of German scat porn and it was being vindictive."
- from <a href='http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4147009/1/The_Wet_T_Shirt_Contest' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>The Wet T Shirt Contest</a> by Big D on a Diet
 

pacifist

Well-Known Member
The Spark a Tangled lemon by Fabulist


Camille nodded sagely, offering a wise smile Rapunzel supposed was intended to be comforting. "Of course! If you keep flinging yourself at him, he'll never want you like you want him. You need to make him fling himself at you."

Rapunzel couldn't imagine Eugene flinging himself anywhere, at anyone. He was the strong one, he was the steady one who caught her, as she was known to do quite a bit of flinging. And even if he did pick up flinging, could she catch him? What then?

"Sweetheart I see the wheels turning in your head. I'm speaking metaphorically here. He does not need to throw himself at you bodily. Justà make things a little more novel for him. Make him want you."

Rapunzel wanted Eugene to want her almost as much as she wanted him to love her, and that was a lot. She squared her shoulders. "What do I have to do?"

Camille tossed her hand as if it were the simplest thing in the world. "Let him make the first move, for starters. See how that goes. Then try dressing up! The smallest change can go a long way in the bedroom."

Rapunzel cocked her head. "Dressing up? Like for a ball?"

"No, Darling. Like something forbidden. Someone forbidden. Be something he can't have every day. If you have something every day you're bound to get tired of it. Be someone against the rules."

Rapunzel bit her lip, the sick feeling spreading into her heart. Eugene was tired of her? He wanted someone different? She had to be this someone?

Camille patted her hand. "Sex between committed couples can become a chore. But, be creative!" she said. "If one thing doesn't work, try another! The possibilities are endless. Which is a good thing, too, because marriage is forever."


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Rapunzel fretted about the castle all the following day. She paid polite attention at the Circle of Philanthropic Countesses brunch, and she read the closing meditation at the retirement of an accomplished warhorse, but otherwise her thoughts were consumed by Eugene and her utter failure the night before. Clearly, she had not been forbidden enough. She had to be more forbidden.

It couldn't just be any old act. It must be something truly out of his reach, something so new he'd be amazed and consumed by intrigue.

Which was why, when Eugene got home from another long day of meetings, Rapunzel was ready. She'd made a kind of shroud out of extra sheets and rubbed brown and grey makeup here and there. It wasn't perfect, but she thought it conveyed the idea.

Eugene eyed her warily, taking a seat on the edge of the bed and studying her. "Goldieà" he said, "What are you wearing?" His tone was carefully neutral. He was trying to be diplomatic. No need.

"I'm not Goldie," she whispered darkly. "I'm a leper."

Eugene blinked, frowned, then reached out a hand to feel her forehead.

"You're not allowed to touch lepers," she said, trying to sound ominous. "Leprosy is dreadfully contagious."

"That's true," he said, pinching a splotchy spot on her arm. "So it's a good thing this is eye shadow and not decayed flesh. What am I missing? Why are we dressed as lepers?"

Rapunzel huffed. "We are not. I am dressing as a leper." She pulled the shroud aside a little to reveal one long, slender, blue and brown leg. "So that you can have somethingà forbidden." She arched an eyebrow and dropped her voice an octave, hoping it conveyed her meaning.

Eugene leaned in, and she thought he would kiss her, but he only studied her pupils. Finally, he pulled back. "Soà you want me to have sex with you while you're dressed as a leper?"

Finally! She nodded enthusiastic ally. "Yes! I will actlike a leper, too!"

Eyebrows knit, Eugene took the tea from her bedside table and sniffed it, then poked the half pastry she'd left uneaten. "And what does that entail?"

Eugene's obvious skepticism starting to discourage her, Rapunzel shrugged. "I'll moan and groan a lot. I won't use the limbs that I've designated as rotted away. You can pretend you snuck into a leper colony and-"
"Why would I sneak into a leper colony for sex?"

"I don't know, maybe you wanted an adventure, maybe-"

"Do I come across as a guy who gets off on lepers?" He looked legitimately concerned for his reputation, so Rapunzel quickly shook her head.

"No, no! I just thoughtà I don't know, I thought you might want to try something different. You know, have something you can't have every day."

Eyes softening, Eugene bent down to push the shroud away from her shoulder and press a kiss there that tingled all the way down her spine. "Don't be silly," he murmured. "I married you because I want to have you," he punctuated his words with hot, open-mouthed kisses across her collar bone. "Every. Single. Day."

She moaned softly, arching up into his lips, and when his hand moved to rest on her exposed thigh, she jumped on her cue. "OH GOD!" She wailed, "NOT THAT LEG. IT BURNS!"

Eugene snatched his hand away and sat up instantly. "What's wrong?"

Rapunzel brought her hands together as if in prayer. "Dear Lord," She cried. "Why do you afflict me with this disease? Why must I be isolated from my fellow man? Must I never know the pleasure of flesh on flesh?"

Eugene stared blankly at her for a long time. Finally, he shook his head. "I'm going to take a bath."
 

da_fox2279

California Crackpot
pacifist said:
The Spark a Tangled lemon by Fabulist


Camille nodded sagely, offering a wise smile Rapunzel supposed was intended to be comforting. "Of course! If you keep flinging yourself at him, he'll never want you like you want him. You need to make him fling himself at you."

Rapunzel couldn't imagine Eugene flinging himself anywhere, at anyone. He was the strong one, he was the steady one who caught her, as she was known to do quite a bit of flinging. And even if he did pick up flinging, could she catch him? What then?

"Sweetheart I see the wheels turning in your head. I'm speaking metaphorically here. He does not need to throw himself at you bodily. Justà make things a little more novel for him. Make him want you."

Rapunzel wanted Eugene to want her almost as much as she wanted him to love her, and that was a lot. She squared her shoulders. "What do I have to do?"

Camille tossed her hand as if it were the simplest thing in the world. "Let him make the first move, for starters. See how that goes. Then try dressing up! The smallest change can go a long way in the bedroom."

Rapunzel cocked her head. "Dressing up? Like for a ball?"

"No, Darling. Like something forbidden. Someone forbidden. Be something he can't have every day. If you have something every day you're bound to get tired of it. Be someone against the rules."

Rapunzel bit her lip, the sick feeling spreading into her heart. Eugene was tired of her? He wanted someone different? She had to be this someone?

Camille patted her hand. "Sex between committed couples can become a chore. But, be creative!" she said. "If one thing doesn't work, try another! The possibilities are endless. Which is a good thing, too, because marriage is forever."


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Rapunzel fretted about the castle all the following day. She paid polite attention at the Circle of Philanthropic Countesses brunch, and she read the closing meditation at the retirement of an accomplished warhorse, but otherwise her thoughts were consumed by Eugene and her utter failure the night before. Clearly, she had not been forbidden enough. She had to be more forbidden.

It couldn't just be any old act. It must be something truly out of his reach, something so new he'd be amazed and consumed by intrigue.

Which was why, when Eugene got home from another long day of meetings, Rapunzel was ready. She'd made a kind of shroud out of extra sheets and rubbed brown and grey makeup here and there. It wasn't perfect, but she thought it conveyed the idea.

Eugene eyed her warily, taking a seat on the edge of the bed and studying her. "Goldieà" he said, "What are you wearing?" His tone was carefully neutral. He was trying to be diplomatic. No need.

"I'm not Goldie," she whispered darkly. "I'm a leper."

Eugene blinked, frowned, then reached out a hand to feel her forehead.

"You're not allowed to touch lepers," she said, trying to sound ominous. "Leprosy is dreadfully contagious."

"That's true," he said, pinching a splotchy spot on her arm. "So it's a good thing this is eye shadow and not decayed flesh. What am I missing? Why are we dressed as lepers?"

Rapunzel huffed. "We are not. I am dressing as a leper." She pulled the shroud aside a little to reveal one long, slender, blue and brown leg. "So that you can have somethingà forbidden." She arched an eyebrow and dropped her voice an octave, hoping it conveyed her meaning.

Eugene leaned in, and she thought he would kiss her, but he only studied her pupils. Finally, he pulled back. "Soà you want me to have sex with you while you're dressed as a leper?"

Finally! She nodded enthusiastic ally. "Yes! I will actlike a leper, too!"

Eyebrows knit, Eugene took the tea from her bedside table and sniffed it, then poked the half pastry she'd left uneaten. "And what does that entail?"

Eugene's obvious skepticism starting to discourage her, Rapunzel shrugged. "I'll moan and groan a lot. I won't use the limbs that I've designated as rotted away. You can pretend you snuck into a leper colony and-"
"Why would I sneak into a leper colony for sex?"

"I don't know, maybe you wanted an adventure, maybe-"

"Do I come across as a guy who gets off on lepers?" He looked legitimately concerned for his reputation, so Rapunzel quickly shook her head.

"No, no! I just thoughtà I don't know, I thought you might want to try something different. You know, have something you can't have every day."

Eyes softening, Eugene bent down to push the shroud away from her shoulder and press a kiss there that tingled all the way down her spine. "Don't be silly," he murmured. "I married you because I want to have you," he punctuated his words with hot, open-mouthed kisses across her collar bone. "Every. Single. Day."

She moaned softly, arching up into his lips, and when his hand moved to rest on her exposed thigh, she jumped on her cue. "OH GOD!" She wailed, "NOT THAT LEG. IT BURNS!"

Eugene snatched his hand away and sat up instantly. "What's wrong?"

Rapunzel brought her hands together as if in prayer. "Dear Lord," She cried. "Why do you afflict me with this disease? Why must I be isolated from my fellow man? Must I never know the pleasure of flesh on flesh?"

Eugene stared blankly at her for a long time. Finally, he shook his head. "I'm going to take a bath."
:lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol: Thank you. That made my night.
 
From the MvC fic <a href='http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6725240/1/Amorously_Minded' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>Amorously Minded</a>.

Tony nodded at Peter, expression curious. "Is that a Spider-Man hoodie?"

Peter's grin widened and he paused to admire himself in the sweatshirt. "Yep. Picked it up in the city the other day, paid out the butt for it too. I'm incognito."

"You're incognito," the billionaire echoed dubiously, "as yourself?"

"That's the brilliance of it, nobody will ever expect Spider-Man to wear his own merchandize," Peter gave his best dastardly chuckle. "It's the perfect camouflage."
Peter, you have a simple brilliance at times.

Seemingly mollified, Peter looked ready to say something, when a sharp "thwip" sound cut through the room. Both men looked down, and saw Lilith's neck and chest covered in a thin coat of a grayish liquid-like substance which trailed from the girl back to Peter's covered wrists. Tony blinked at the mess, and realized that Lilith must have accidently found Peter's webshooters. Pete kept them on him just about all the time these days, calling the little devices better than a dozen Swiss army knives. Lilith poked at the synthetic web with large eyes, seemingly fascinated as thin wisps of the stuff stuck and hung from her finger. That of course, was drowned out by his mind loudly recalling one very important aspect of his friend's personality.

Peter Parker liked to talk; he liked to crack jokes at allies, enemies, even random people on the street, because that was how he dealt with the everyday stresses of being a super hero. More importantly, he tended to talk a whole hell of a lot more when he was nervous. Seeing as how nervous, or it's pal anxiety, were both likely contenders for Peter's overall emotional state at the present, it meant Peter was going to start talking soon and at great length. And a chatty Peter Parker equaled terrible jokes, puns, sarcasm, but most importantly, a severe tendency to put his foot in his mouth. Tony took another look at the mess that the webshooters had made, and he felt his heart sink at what he just knew was coming next.

"I swear, this never happens," Peter Parker, aka Spider-Man, assured the small half-succubus girl in an embarrassed sounding rush.

Tony put both hands on his face and shook his head. And this is just day one Tony. At this rate, I'll be crying in that shower by the end of the week.

"Oh wow, that was like," Lilith snapped her fingers, "and it happened. I barely touched you!" She sounded delighted.

A mishmash of denials, half-formed questions, and a distinctly panicky giggle tried to escape Peter's mouth all at once.

Tony decided that he'd been wrong. At this rate, he'd hit the gibbering wreck crying in his shower stage by the end of the day.
And then something like this happens.
 

chronodekar

Obsessively signs his posts
Staff member
That first little piece was GOOD logic. A super-hero wearing their own costume? There IS something there.

But the second snippet, ... well, crushed hopes. ;(

-chronodekar
 
From <a href='http://archiveofourown.org/works/234208/chapters/358565' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>The Accidental Sensei.</a>

Naruto snorted, and somehow managed to speak clearly through a mouthful of noodles. "Sakura isn't at peace with her inner pervert yet."

"Ah."

"OI! I'm not a pervert!" Sakura protested.

She looked around, suddenly noticing that Ichiraku Teuchi, his daughter Ayame, her sensei, her teammates, and several people passing on the street were looking at her.

Anko looked around as well.

"She hasn't accepted everyone in town is a pervert, yet," she explained, a note of pity in her voice.

There were nods and murmurs of understanding as folks went about their business.

Sakura blushed and gained a deep interest in her noodles.
Anko! Genin! My daughter-in-law Miku, my son Kouhei," Shouhei paused and sighed, then shouted, "my escape plan number 87!"

And Shouhei dropped a smoke pellet and cackled madly.

When it cleared, Saki was standing in that space alone with a chocolate bar in one hand and an iced milk tea in the other. Chihiro held darker chocolate and a sake bottle.

"I love how step five always involves bribery," the little girl noted, munching happily.

"Don't you just," Chihiro agreed, sipping from the small bottle.
Bribery is the best.
 

chronodekar

Obsessively signs his posts
Staff member
WizardOne said:
thanks for signing your post. I totally wouldn't have been able to tell who was posting without that.
Hmmm.... <_< Either this is an owl who can't look sideways or it's someone who's too lazy to look to the left side of a post. Or MAYBE, the sarcasm around here is ...

Still, I've been signing ALL my posts for quite a while now. It's surprising that you just noticed it. :huh: I just like it that way. It's a habit I picked up on another forum.

-chronodekar
 
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