'This is not good.' Spike worded through gritted teeth, his claws still clenched around the magic compass, his nostrils letting out tiny wisps of smoke. His disbelief was still intact and the despair in his stomach had not lessened one bit as the image of their next target showed itself in place of the usual pointing arrow. 'Cadence, this thing has to be broken! There's just no way that - !'
He bit his lower lip, trying hard not to let those dreadful, dreadful words leave them.
'It's not improbable,' Cadence sighed as she rummaged through the closet that she had unveiled not moments ago, searching for something. 'Princess Celestia's over twelve hundred years old; it'd make much more sense for her to feel enough emotion for a runaway spirit to take advantage than her being immune.'
Spike saw that Cadence was diving deeper and deeper into her possessions, an action that he noted she was doing with a growing sense of aggravation. The young dragon sat on a nearby stool while assortments of items, including tennis racquets and crudely-patched stuffed animals flew past him to settle near to the kitchen entrance; he was briefly reminded of Twilight's habits when it came to her research sessions.
A rubber chicken flew past him, reminding Spike to clean the shelf when he reached home before Twilight found out he had neglected his chores. Cadence turned to face him soon after this thought shelved itself in his mind.
'She's still a girl, after all.'
Spike sighed as he closed his eyes, imagining Celestia acting as any normal mare would at her (relative) age. His thinking process briefly flew; seeing Celestia as a normal pony, albeit one with both wings and a magical horn wasn't that hard a sight, really. He could actually envision a tall, white unicorn-pegasus getting off from work and hanging out with Fluttershy and attending to the animals; he could almost see her and Pinkie Pie baking cakes and humming to themselves on a good weekend.
The young male leaned back, before remembering that he was on a stool and steadied himself. As he watched Cadence finally pull out a box with a label crossed several times over, he reasoned with himself that she did have a point. Perhaps underneath all that fancy jewellery and inclination to protocol beat the heart of a mare that wished to be free?
Perhaps; but things just seemed to muddy up whenever he thought of Celestia as anything but a sister-figure; or even a mother-figure. She'd known him since he was born; the thought of him even tolerating a passionate relationship with Celestia...
'She practically raised me!' Spike raised his claws, suddenly finding his hysterical side. 'She fed me my baby bottle, Cadence! MY BABY BOTTLE!'
Bad thoughts did not a dragon make.
'Now, now, no need to be hysterical.' Cadence said almost snootily, as if she was looking at an open book. The box in her hooves floated briefly, before landing softly on the wooden floor. 'It's not odd for boys to crush on older mares; it's practically a requirement when you reach that age.'
Cadence threw him a wink in the glow of her magic, lifting the lid of the box. He felt a brief warmth come over him when she did so; the dragon was reminded just who his partner was. A creep of embarrassment came over him for a myriad of reasons, mostly relating to the task placed before him.
He had to seduce Princess Celestia; Regent of the Day and Co-Ruler of Equestria. The magnitude of the idea almost scared him; not to mention what she or the spirit would do if she found out in the middle of it.
'I mean, you could do worse than crushing on a Princess. You know, with those shapely thighs; that delicate, deep voice...' Cadence's voice danced in his ears as he adamantly made his stance, refusing to even consider her ideas any longer with a stubbron turn of his head in the other direction.
Sometimes he wondered if she needed him at all.
'She's a dish; no harm in admitting that, you know.'
His rational side agreed; that there was absolutely nothing wrong with finding a degree of attraction towards Celestia, even if he did not exactly find it appealing to shout it out from the rooftops of Las Pegasus just yet. The sense of awkwardness relating to the idea was still there; Cadence would probably coach him through it, and even though he didn't want to admit it, he believed she could guide him through this one without getting either one of them sent to the dungeons for inappropriate liaisons, or so he hoped.
He turned to his partner.
'Yeah, I - what are you wearing?'
It was an apron. A very, very nice apron. Also, lens-less glasses.
'I'm giving you practice lessons!' she said much too cheerfully. 'You know, since we've got the Oedipal overtones there, why don't we train on sharpening them so we can get ready for our Princess?'
Spike felt he should have been a little more offended by the Oedipus joke than he did right then.
'Cadence...'
Spike felt his throat tighten as she pranced towards him, her teeth gleaming as though they belonged to a lioness.
'No, no, that won't do; I'm not Cadence now.'
Cadence's eyes briefly lit.
'I'm mother...'