Beautiful Destroyer Sailor Moon

The Ero-Sennin

The Eyes of Heaven
Staff member
#1
DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN-

STOP! IT'S THE MUTHAFUCKIN'

WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

WRITE!



Hey guys.

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Disclaimer: Sailor Moon, now? This author’s tastes are so 90s.


Beautiful Destroyer Sailor Moon
A Soldier is drafted

The first paragraph is best read as though narrated by the Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future.

[1.]


Thousands of years ago, before the Egyptians constructed their pyramids through sensible building techniques that our arrogant modern society could not imagine possible, there was the Silver Moon Kingdom ruled by the benevolent Queen Serenity. This Kingdom, perfect in nearly every way, existed to help the people of Earth advance into a fine, long-lived society like their own where they would know no war, no strife, and join the larger universe that waited for them, and all was well… until Queen Metalia erupted from the sun and spurred the Earth to bite off the hand that fed them. Everyone died, and the sole survivor, Queen Serenity, used the last of her strength to ensure that all that was lost would be reborn again in the future, including her daughter, whom with her last breaths she entrusted with finishing what her kingdom had set out to do…

Ten Thousand years later, fourteen year old Usagi Tsukino sat in front of the television, watching her favorite television series ever. Trapped in a burning ruin, her hero Kamen Raider was in a pinch. However, having seen it a hundred times, she knew exactly what he was going to say and do next.

“If you give up, then all is lost,” she said with the mask and scarf wearing hero, “Look hard enough and you’ll find a way to succeed!”

The heroic theme began to play, as Usagi giddily watched her hero smash his way out of the burning ruins along with his partner, right in time to take on the monster of the week. Usagi threw her fist into the air and jumped to her feet. “Go get him, Raider! Bring upon him the might of justice!”

She began throwing punches and kicks, perfectly mirroring the motions of the henshin hero on television as he delivered a Level 3 Old School Beatdown on the monster. “Ha! Hi-yah! Take that, you bastard!”

In her enthusiasm, she kicked her Father in the face, and dropped him on his back like a raging wolf. “Oh… oh crap, sorry Dad!”

“Usagi-chan… why can’t you watch normal television shows for a girl your age?” Her exasperated Father asked. It was a reasonable question, teenage girls did not normally watch thirty year old live action shows aimed at ten year old boys.

“A better question is why are you watching your old tapes when you should be going to school?” Her mother demanded, causing Usagi to jump.

“I needed to get psyched up, Mom! We have tests today!” Usagi pleaded as she quickly paused and ejected the tape. “I can’t go into that without the support of Kamen Raider!”

“And what would Kamen Raider say of you being late for school?” Her mother noted.

In a split second, Usagi was out the door and running down the street, leaving a trail of dust behind her and flipping up the skirt of her next door neighbor and best friend Naru Osaka as she raced by. Naru sighed; there she went, in a blind hurry when she seemed on time for once.

“I won’t be late I won’t be late I won’t be late I won’t be late!” she kept chanting as she rounded the corner from her street and prepared to make the final charge uphill for her school. Just as she was about to let the VTEC kick in, a desperate and loud meow stopped her in her tracks. She immediately turned around, and saw in front of the local gas station a group of kids tormenting a cat. She frowned at this, and began walking over.


From the second she awakened, Luna knew her mission and its absolute importance: Finding Sailor Moon, the other Senshi, and the Silver Crystal, and defeating the lurking evil of the Dark Kingdom before Metalia reemerged and swallowed the Earth. With that in mind, she searched Japan high and low for her first and foremost objective: the girl who would become Sailor Moon. Being a cat, though, it was only a matter of time before she ran into trouble, and that was in the form of a trio of delinquents who seemed to have nothing better to do than torment a poor animal.

“What a stupid cat, why does it have a Band-Aid on its face?” One of the kids laughed as he poked Luna with a stick, his well-learned yet psychotic accomplice immediately corrected him.

“It’s an adhesive bandage,” he noted.

The third youth looked over as he tugged on Luna’s tail. “A what?”

“Band-Aid is the name of the brand, not the device itself. The actual name is adhesive bandage. Now gimme that rock, I wanna crack its head open and post the pictures on 4chan to make those mouth-breathing Americans rage,” the future serial killer and troll said, grossly unaware of what thunder he threatened to call down on himself. He’d never know, because Usagi kicked him in the back of the head, driving his face into the other boy’s. “OW!”

“Leave it alone, you future serial something or others!” she yelled as she whacked the third boy with her bag, knocking out one of his baby teeth. All three immediately scrambled away from Usagi.

“Oh no, it’s that creepy Aryan girl!” one of the boys yelled. Taking offense to that, Usagi picked up a rock and threw it at him.

She smiled when the rock hit its mark and the boy began bawling. “That’s right; make way for the Homo Superior!”

As the children fled, Usagi reached down and gingerly picked up the cat. She examined her and hummed. “An adhesive bandage, huh? Who would put that on a cat’s head, it seems cruel.”

Very carefully, she removed the bandage from Luna’s forehead and examined it. “A yellow crescent mark on an otherwise darkly colored cat, how unusual.”

Staring Usagi came to a conclusion that Luna did not expect. “You’re a magical cat, aren’t you?”

Luna stiffened and stared at the girl wide-eyed.

“Yes! That must be it! And our meeting must be destiny, and I'm really supposed to be a real magical girl, with the power to save everyone's smiles!”

Baffled at Usagi getting it in one, Luna continued to stare before she noticed the passer-bys who’d begun gawking at Usagi talking loudly to a cat. Usagi seemed to notice this as well, as she put on a big smile. “Or I'm just a crazy teenager talking to a cat in public.”

She looked at the staring pedestrians, before her expression darkened. “Hey! Do I stare at you when you’re acting like a lunatic?”

The crowd was consumed by an awkward silence, before Usagi pointed off to the side, her eyes shut and her shoulders hiked. “Get out of here…”

As she pointed, Luna sprung from her grip and stared at her before running away and just past Naru’s feet as she walked over. “Hey Usagi, is um… everything alright?”

“The nerve of some people…” Usagi grumbled before she noticed Naru. “Good Morning, Naru!”

“You were talking to a cat; did you take anything out of your parents’ medical cabinet again?” Naru asked.

With an entirely straight face, Usagi shook her head. “No, my Dad’s Vicodin prescription ran out two days ago.” At Naru’s perfectly aghast look, she gave her a flat look. “I was joking, Naru-chan.”

Naru went from aghast to skeptical. “I can’t tell with you, Usagi…”

That seemed to offend Usagi down to the core. “I do not pop vics!” She crossed her arms indignantly and looked away. “I prefer Loritab.”

Naru gave Usagi a scrutinizing look as they began walking. “You’re still joking, right?”

Usagi stared back. “Of course, now come on.”

As the two departed, Luna peered from around a corner and watched the girls go. In her Mau heart of hearts, she desperately hoped that strange, frightening girl was not who she sensed it was.


Usagi Tsukino’s madness was a well known subject at the school. She was a teenaged girl who watched tokusatsu, picked fights with boys twice her size (and won them), and regularly went off on tangents that could be described as incomprehensible at best. Being Usagi’s best (if not only) friend and caring for her deeply, Naru had only her best interests in mind when she tried to rein in or cover for her behavior. Naturally this had no effect whatsoever.

“Did you hear that Tsukino beat up some grade school kids and ranted about magical girls to a cat today?”

“Not surprising, she does do drugs from her parents’ medicine cabinet.”

Overhearing the gossip machine revving up for the day, Naru quickly turned to the girls who were already going over the morning scandal. “That’s not what happened! Those kids were trying to kill that poor thing and Usagi just made a joke about magical animals!”

One of the gossipers shook her head. “No way, that sounds entirely too reasonable for Dango-head.”

“She probably tried to eat the cat after.” Another girl said. “She’s unhinged like that.”

Naru tried to argue otherwise, but Usagi–seated at her desk with her head down on it–stopped her with a tug on her skirt. “Oi, you shouldn't try to cover for me, everyone knows I'm dangerously unstable.”

Turning to face her, Naru pouted. “But Usagi, they just talk about you all the time!”

“Meh, let them… it’s not like the opinion of whores ever mattered to me,” Usagi said loud enough for the gossip folks to hear it, and turn piercing glares that bounced off her thick armor of “I don’t give a shit”.

Naru sighed. “I’m your friend, I want to defend you.”

Usagi smiled. “And for that I’m grateful, but don’t stick your neck out too far for me okay? I’m a big girl, I can handle myself.”

“Yeah, lard-ass doesn’t need her little lapdog bitch to try to cover for her,” One of the aforementioned whores noted.

Usagi sat up and pointed at the whore. “Whore, you will meet me behind the equipment shed so I can educate you proper.”

The whore snorted. “Bring it, bitch. My boyfriend is a serious gangster in Roppongi, you macho dyke!”

Usagi let out a dismissive snort. “I’ll beat him over the head with you.”

Naru stared. “I thought their opinions didn’t matter.”

“Their opinions of me don’t matter, but once they mess with my friends then they’re dog food.” Usagi stared at the offender. “Now if you don’t mind, I have to go beat up a whore, beat up her boyfriend, and take over his gang.”

“Like hell you will!” the whore snapped.

While touched that Usagi would stand up for her like that, things were escalating. “Usagi, don’t do it, you already have enough trouble keeping up on your schoolwork, you can’t just go run a gang. Besides, that’d make you a criminal.”

At that moment, Umino Gurio reared his nerdy head and produced the random useless fact of the day. “But you can’t argue that Yakuza related activities are extremely profitable, and there seems to be an uptrend in successful organized crime operations run by women, with one notorious example being Russia’s Hotel…”

“Don’t encourage her, Umino!” Naru exclaimed.

“It’s what the data says, and schoolgirl gangs are up and coming in Japan…” Umino kept going despite the clear and present threat to his well-being.

“Umino gets me.” Usagi said. “Thanks Umino, for understanding what I’m trying to go for here by taking over this whore’s boyfriend’s gang.”

The whore sputtered in disbelief at Usagi’s candidness. “You yanki bitch…”

“Usagi, Umino is a greasy, perverse deviant.” Naru said, every word driving a stake into Umino’s pure and honest heart beyond the notice of everyone else.

Bored of the thought of violence, Usagi latched onto the new subject exactly as Naru planned. “Well yes, but that’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Umino didn’t know if he felt insulted or not. Naru quickly reminded him. “Yes it is!”

Usagi’s rebuttal was classic deranged Usagi. “The only thing that makes it seem shameful is this illusion that we Japanese have moral standards that need to be upheld, when it’s clear we’re just a bunch of perverts waiting for the gun to sound to commence the orgy.” Everyone stared at her, and she narrowed her eyes. “And you all know it's true.”

It was, but they all had their pride. Naru cleared her throat. “Excuse her; she hasn’t had her Vicodin today.”

“Loritab!” Usagi corrected, before she captured a bottle of said pills tossed by another student. “Thanks, and thank you for proving my point.”

Naru sagged. “Why do I defend you?”

“Because you’re my friend and you love me.” Usagi said. “Don’t worry Naru-chan, I’m not using drugs, I sell them.” Naru buried her face in her palm as Usagi smiled and winked to the studio audience and cameras in her mind. “Usagi-chan says: ‘Drugs are bad, unless you can make a profit’!”

Umino followed her line of sight, and then looked back to Usagi. “Who are you talking to?”

“Shut up,” Usagi replied, still smiling.


Tests taken and a whore beaten behind the school’s gym equipment shed, Usagi and Naru walked towards the direction of home, the former sighing deeply as she wiped the blood from her hands. Usagi looked over to Naru and let out a wistful sigh. “Naru-chan, why do you suppose I act out like I do in school?”

Naru stared at her, and a solid thirty seconds passed before Usagi gave in. “Fine, why do you suppose I act out in general?”

“I couldn’t tell you maybe you really are insane?”

“Maybe… maybe…” Usagi said before she looked down at her blood-stained hands. “I know the Martial Arts classes aren’t helping.”

“No they’re not.” That poor whore would have to tell her parents she fell down some stairs; mouth first… about a dozen times. “Who knows, maybe you’re so insane that none of this is real, and that I’m just another figment of your delusions.”

Usagi smiled. “Nonsense, if I were, then I couldn’t do this!” She flipped up Naru’s skirt, revealing bunny-print panties for the world behind her to see. “Huh, you got kind of a Freudian thing going on there, Naru-chan.”

Naru forced down her skirt. “Usagi!”

“Relax, no one saw except for me and the pervert stalking us.” She looked back at the greasy, filthy otaku armed with a cell phone camera. “You get a good shot there, Dracula-san?”

The pervert gave a thumb’s up, and Usagi promptly broke it with a kick before descending upon the rest of his person with an unholy beating that cannot be described for the sensibilities of the readers. With blood all over her right leg up to mid-thigh, Usagi wiped the sole of her shoe off on the man’s tattered and stained Rei Ayanami T-shirt. “That Naru-chan is how you break your foot off in a motherfucker’s ass.”

“Thanks I guess,” the ever sympathetic Naru said as she offered Usagi a handkerchief. “You know, maybe you act out so much because you’re restless.”

Usagi hummed. “Restless?”

“Yeah, you have all of this energy, and you want to put it towards something, but when you do it’s not enough. You want to be something bigger than you are now… but you don’t know what it is.” Naru noted.

That actually made a lot of sense to Usagi, and that said a lot about a girl who thought in the most abstract ways imaginable simply to entertain herself. “That makes sense, and it kind of depresses me at the same time. What if I never find what that thing is?”

“Aw, I didn’t want to make you feel bad. I’m sure that one day you’ll find that calling.” Naru takes Usagi by the arm. “Come on! I know what’ll cheer you up, let’s go to my jewelry store and ogle the wares.”

Usagi brightened at that. “Sure, just let me get some cash first.”

Looking around, Usagi walked over to the beaten otaku and began to rifle through his pockets, scoring a few hundred thousand yen, his credit cards, and his expensive cell phone. The pervert stared up at her. “You’re a monster-”

“-Said the man taking up-skirt pictures of teenage girls.” She smiled sadistically. Once she acquired her funds, she stomped on the man’s genitals and dropped the bottle of pills she got in school into his hand. “Thank you very much, shit head!”

She walked over to Naru, who is not as horrified as one would expect the sensible best friend to be, and took her arm. “I hate perverts. I always wear shorts under my skirt just to avoid them.” She looked to the audience in her head again. “Usagi-chan says: ‘The worst perverts will sexualize anything and attempt to slake their disgusting lusts on the innocent. Beat them and rob them, it's what God demands’.”

“You know,” Naru said as they kept walking, “I don’t know why you do that.”

Neither noticed the completely horrified cat watching them.


The crowds at Osa-P Jewelers set off a flag in Usagi’s head as they reached the store, as did the signs denoting prices from fifty percent to ninety percent off all jewelry in store. She was no economist, but she knew that generally when sales like this were going on, a store was either opening or going out of business. Braving the crowd, Usagi and Naru entered the store. There were women everywhere, happily trying on the jewelry and showing off to their friends and total strangers who repaid the gesture in kind.

“Oh wow!” Naru said as she pulled Usagi over to the front counter. “Look at the display she’s got today, isn’t it wonderful Usagi?”

Usagi shrugged her shoulders. “Material possessions are merely filler for the empty soul.”

Naru stared at her. “You say this. You, who owns every incarnation of Kamen Raider except for Shin Kamen, says this?”

“Kamen Raider transcends materialism!” Usagi vehemently retorted, before Naru’s mother came over. “Hello Osaka-san.”

“Hello Usagi-chan, Naru-chan!” Naru’s mother cheerfully called. “Enjoying the sale?”

“Yes!” Naru replied excitedly. “You said there was going to be a sale but I had no idea that it was going to be this big, it’s just crazy!”

Usagi looked at a price tag for a reasonably valuable diamond ring. Crazy was kind of an understatement. “Osaka-san, are you really only offering twenty thousand yen for this diamond ring?”

Naru went wide-eyed and looked. “It’s only twenty thousand yen?!”

All Hell broke loose when the other patrons heard Naru’s exclamation. Before she or Naru could react, a very large woman knocked them over, setting off the entirety of the LA Riots inside Osa-P as dozens of bling-batty women tried to grab the cheap but shiny. Watching the melee go on in front of her, Naru’s Mom smiled darkly as the rampant energy expended by the crowd left them through the cursed jewelry samples they wore and fed into the gorgeous necklace she wore around her neck.

An unspecified distance away, in a dark cavern, a blonde pretty boy in a military uniform held out his hand and smiled as the energy drawing to Naru’s Mom began to collect in an orb above the palm of his hand. The pretty boy, a General of the Dark Kingdom by the name of Jadeite, watched through the swirling vapors the riot going on in the store.

“Very good Morga, continue to gather energy at this pace and the Dark Kingdom’s revival will come much sooner than expected,” he said via a telepathic link to his youma.

The dark smile Osaka’s Mom wore became downright sinister at that. Just before the fattest chick in the store went up and over the counter, kicked by Usagi. “I SAID GET OFF ME YOU FAT BITCH!”

Osaka’s Mom watched as the woman went spilling to the ground behind the counter, unconscious and with a sizeable bruise on the side of her head. Panting, Usagi rubbed her neck. “She was… standing on my neck…”

Naru got up. “I think it’s kind of too hectic, maybe we should go Usagi?”

Usagi nodded as she shoved another bleating, money-waving sheep away. “Yeah, I need to get home anyway and show Mom my test scores.”

It was a good idea, and Naru had homework to do herself. “Okay, I’ll walk home with you then Usagi-chan. Let’s get out of here!”

With Usagi leading, the two girls quickly broke out of the melee and escaped the store. Osaka’s Mom looked again at the unconscious fat woman, and then back out after the girls. Through his youma’s eyes, Jadeite was intrigued. “What an unusual girl, and what a kick.”

It was a shame he couldn’t get Morga to place some of the cursed jewelry on her, that girl had a lot of raw energy going through her. Nevertheless, he’d reach his quota by nightfall, and then it was on to the next scheme.


Outside and on the walk home, Naru decided to bring up the test. “How did you do on the tests anyway?”

Usagi reached into her bag and pulled out a series of papers. “Let’s see, for science I got a twenty seven, for Japanese Language I got a seventy-four, for English I got a hundred, for math I got a seventeen and for art I got a fifty.”

Naru did the math in her head. “So on average you got a fifty-four, just a point short of what your Mom required of you.”

“It’s not my fault math blows!” Usagi replied as she began to crumple up the math test. “Besides, what she won’t know won’t hurt her.”

Naru shook her head. “You’re only delaying the inevitable.”

“I’m delaying until Friday for the makeup test–which I will most assuredly pass with help from Umino,” Usagi replied. She’d have to wear something cute for when she went to ask him to give her his notes.

As they passed a garbage can next to a hobby shop’s front door, Usagi tossed the balled up test haphazardly over her shoulder, believing she’d hit the mark. She would have, too, if not for the tall and imposing man who stepped out and inadvertently blocked the shot with his sunglasses–which fell off his face and to the ground. Mamoru Chiba looked down at the paper as it began to uncurl from its crumpled state, and picked it up.

“Wow, I don’t think even idiots could fail this badly at math.”

Usagi stopped dead in her tracks and turned around to face Mamoru. Naru immediately turned red in the face, more struck by the man’s looks than anything else.

Usagi was not afflicted at all. “Excuse me, douche bag?”

“I guess you didn’t understand me. I’m calling you a dumbass, dumbass,” Mamoru replied, causing Usagi to recoil.

“Whoa, wait, what the Hell? You’re calling some random teenaged girl on the street a dumbass?” Usagi asked.

Mamoru flipped the paper around to show her. “The stats don’t lie, do they?”

Naru blinked in disbelief at the man’s glib retort. Usagi was immediately in his face, or rather at his chest level, man he was tall. “Who the Hell do you think you are in your designer clothes, your fifty-thousand yen Ray-bands that I just,” she stomped on the already damaged glasses, “Smashed to pieces, and your bag of Gunpla?”

Wait, Gunpla? She looked down at his bag and her eyes went wide. “Wait, that’s not even Gunpla! Resin statues, of Nanoha and Fate! From A’s no less!”

Mamoru pulled the bag from her, she’d already destroyed his sunglasses, which were actually just a thousand yen and from a convenience store. “Hey, don’t touch the merchandise; I spent a lot of money on these.”

Usagi laughed derisively at him. “You watch Nanoha, you filthy otaku!” She stopped. “Wait, what’s wrong with that? Nanoha is badass.”

She folded her arms. “Very well, I’ll forgive you for your transgressions if you give me the Fate statue.”

“No, get a job and buy your own, Dango-head,” Mamoru retorted with a cool and unfettered smirk before turning around and walking away. For some reason, that insult coming from him did more to stoke Usagi’s anger than it did coming from anyone else.

“Fuck you, asshole! Lose all your hair and die cold and alone with only your statues and shit to console you!” She yelled after him. Naru stared at Usagi, and her flustered expression, she then brought a hand to her lips and giggled. Usagi looked over. “What?”

“Nothing…” Naru replied as she giggled again.


“Stupid tall, handsome, rich otaku… think they’re better than me because they’re all hot and I’m all underage. Fuck him. Yeah, fuck him hard… for days…”

Usagi’s mother, Ikuko Tsukino, overheard the most unexpected things from her daughter nowadays. “Usagi-chan, how were your tests today?”

“Oh, I aced them all.”

“Really, because Haruna-chan said you failed your math test with a seventeen.”

“Damn it.”

“No computer for a week.”

“Damn it!”

“Plus another week for trying to lie.”

“DAMN IT!”

Were Ikuko a less liberal parent, she would’ve added another week for swearing. “Pass the retest and your punishment is revoked.”

Usagi raised her hand in salute. “Jawohl, mein Führer; I’m going to lie down, let me know when dinner’s done.”

“Yes, Usagi-chan.”

Trudging up the stairs, Usagi walked into her bedroom and flopped onto the bed, her book bag discarded in a quickly forgotten corner of her room. Facing the window, she rolled away from it and let out an irritated sigh. “He was an ass, but man…he had an ass.”

She stopped let out a lamenting groan. “Beat a whore, fail a test, get grounded, and worst of all… get shown up by some spoiled trust-fund suckling jackass.”

Sighing, Usagi rolled onto her back. “What I wouldn’t give to kick his ass…” She licked her lips. “Or give him a nice hard spanking… mm…”

“By Queen Serenity’s ghost, you’re deranged.”

Usagi froze, and then slowly rolled over to face the person who spoke. She did not see a strange woman who broke into her bedroom to state the obvious, only a little black (dark purple?) cat sitting on her bed, a very familiar little black (dark purple?) cat.

She stared at it. “Kitty did you just speak?”

Luna stared back. “Hello Usagi, my name is Luna.”

Usagi slowly sat up in the lotus position, smoothed out her skirt, and then cleared her throat. “Holy fucking shit, this fucking cat is talking to me.”

Luna nodded. “Well, you’re taking this well.”

“Yes, I’m taking it as well as Sasha Grey takes the dick,” Usagi retorted. “Really though, I’m actually freaking the fuck out because there’s a fucking talking cat fucking talking to me.”

Luna’s ears folded back. “Do you mind watching the language just a bit?”

“Talking cat. Right in front of me. You should be happy I’ve just turned off the limiter on my profanity… fuck.”

“You seemed fine with the concept earlier today.” Ah, so it was the same cat from before, though the crescent shaped mark already confirmed that.

“I was just joking then, you know, being whimsical?” Usagi said. “This shit is so real Martin Lawrence had to point it out.”

Luna sighed. “You’re Japanese, why are you even referencing that?”

“Because I can appreciate the finer points of Michael Bay films,” Usagi replied.

This girl was truly a rare one, the Mau decided then.

“Okay, the initial shock has passed. Lay it on me talking animal friend. What is my mission?”

Ah, Luna could finally cut to the chase. “All right, I'll give it to you plainly. You are the reincarnation of a protector from an ancient magical kingdom that fell thousands of years ago to the forces of darkness. And now darkness is resurfacing in this world again. You must call upon that ancient power and transform into the Sailor Soldier, Sailor Moon the Defender of Justice!”

Usagi was now standing besides her bed, performing strange poses.

Luna put on as much of a grimace as her feline visage would allow. “Are… are you having a seizure?”

“No, I’m trying to transform, how do I do it?” She went through a variety of Kamen Raider-esque poses. When those didn’t work, she tried for Ginyu Force. “Transform! No. Transform! No. Transform! No, let me try it in English… Henshin! No…”

Luna shook her head. “Look, you cannot transform without the means to access your power, here.” Before Usagi’s eyes, Luna jumped and flipped; leaving a trail of light that swirled and exploded to form a brooch. “Here, use this to transform. First you need to say…”

Usagi snapped it up and once again posed. “Henshin!” Nothing happened. “Oh, come on! How does it work?”

“Listen Usagi, you have to say the right command. It’s ‘Moon Prism Power, Make Up’, do you understand?” Luna instructed. Usagi stared at her.

“What? But ‘Transform’ is a classic!” She argued.

Luna immediately deadpanned. “Hey, this power is thousands of years old; rethink the term ‘classic’. Now raise your hand into the air and call it out.”

Usagi let out a petulant snort, and then shot her hand to the ceiling. “Moon Prism Power, Make Up!”

And that’s when everything went awesome. Her clothes immediately seemed to burn away, as the broach found itself at the center of her chest, before unleashing a torrent of cloth that wrapped around her torso, forming the white sailor fuku and its accompanying blue skirt and red ribbons at her chest and the small of her back. The cloth snaked down her legs and ensnared her feet to her knees, becoming a pair of surprisingly sturdy but at the same time comfortable boots. The cloth reached her arms, wrapping around her arms to the elbows and forming a pair of gloves that felt and weighed more like armored gauntlets. Finally, atop her hair and forehead, red covers appeared on her odango-styled hair and the tiara appeared, before being joined by a pair of cute earrings.

She looked down at her new duds, and then looked over her shoulder. “Holy shit, I’m not dreaming, aren’t I? This is really happening, isn’t it?”

“It is, and from this day forward your life is going to suck,” Luna warned.

The transformed teen turned to look at Luna. “Like shit it is! I am a Superhero now… there is only one thing to do with this power!” She clenched her hand into a fist. “Those who have power must use it to defend those who cannot defend themselves! This is what Kamen Raider has taught me!”

Luna gaped at the girl. “Huh?”

She stared back. “What, you think I think this is a game? I got a world to save; I can’t be fucking around with this.”

Perhaps this wasn’t going to be as bad as she feared. The cat nodded assent before turning to the window. “Very well then, we have to hurry quickly. There is an enemy out there, and they might be using…”

“… The Osa-P jewelry store?”

Luna stopped and looked back at Usagi, clearly surprised. “You… you have good instincts,” she admitted, before turning to the window. “Let’s go.”


At that very jewelry story, Naru Osaka was in a pinch. After her mother hadn’t come home well past the normal closing time for the store, she had gone back and found a horrid scene: all of the women shopping before were unconscious! When she confronted her mother about this terrible turn, she found herself attacked and pinned to the wall, the youma that took the form of her mother strangling the life out of her.

“M-mom… what’s gotten into you? What are you doing?” To her horror, the youma shed her disguise, becoming the jaundiced and corpse-like Morga before her eyes.

“Your mother is not here, little girl. Now, give me your energy!” Morga snarled, as she tightened her grip on the girl’s throat. Desperately, as she felt her airway begin to close off, Naru began to fight back, weakly kicking and clawing at the youma’s arm in a panic that was only hastening her demise. “Yes, yes! Struggle, give up the last desperate gasps of your life to the Dark…!”

“WAIT!”

Morga turned her head one-hundred eighty degrees to face the voice that called out. Standing in the doorway, her body cast in silhouette with her arms folded, a mysterious newcomer made her entrance. Her grip relaxed on Naru’s throat, allowing the girl to breathe and see the unexpected arrival. “W-what the…?”

“Diamonds are many things, unbreakable, a girl’s best friend, forever… but they are above all else beautiful. Such beauty, like that of innocent maidens, must never be tarnished, not by conflict, not by greed, and definitely not by darkness! So then, youma, in the name of the Moon, I have come to punish you for your crime!”

Morga released Naru, and turned to face her, a snarl escaping her lips. “Who on Earth are you?”

The mood of the lighting seemed to change at that, the darkness encasing the girl lifting to reveal her form as the Guardian of Mankind, Sailor Moon, who leveled a hostile glare as she made her retort plain and to the point.

“You don’t deserve to know my name!”


[To Be Continued…]


= = =


Haha, BDSM updated to my current specs. Salivate over it, my bitches.
 

violetshadows

Well-Known Member
#2
The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

Epic, but you fucked up right here:

"Morga turned her head three hundred-sixty degrees to face the voice that called out"

Should be 180 degrees.
 

sworded

Well-Known Member
#3
The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

The lol's are strong with this. ^_^
 

nick012000

Well-Known Member
#4
The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

Firefox is throwing little square symbols with question marks in them all over your thing; you might want to copy-paste into Notepad or something, since odds are the problem's with the MS Word smartquotes.
 

Anonguy

Well-Known Member
#5
The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

Outside of the bizarre inclusion of Serena out of nowhere, this was pretty fun. The name change works too, even if I did name the old thread idea.
 

The Ero-Sennin

The Eyes of Heaven
Staff member
#6
The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

Well, after some discussion, it was felt that the story could use its own title, so that it's more than just "An Interview spin-off". It's still in the same universe, but now has a name to call its own...and like certain other stories now has fun with acronyms! Also, it is now available for viewing on FF.Nazi.
 

Anonguy

Well-Known Member
#7
The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

Rejoice! Everybody line up and do the dance of joy!
 

DrTempo

Well-Known Member
#8
The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

Thank you! I feel like a million bucks! This is the first time an idea I thought up ever got used!
And, I LOVED this chapter, Ero-Sennin! Write chapter 2 soon!

EDIT: Sometime in chapter 2, a mention of events in Nerima should be made..This way, I can start writing the Hakushi bit which reports Sailor Moon's debut.
 

Bunga

Well-Known Member
#9
The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

nick012000 said:
Firefox is throwing little square symbols with question marks in them all over your thing; you might want to copy-paste into Notepad or something, since odds are the problem's with the MS Word smartquotes.
More likely it is due to your coding. Change it to Unicode for better results.
 

Anonguy

Well-Known Member
#10
The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

DrTempo said:
Thank you! I feel like a million bucks! This is the first time an idea I thought up ever got used!
And, I LOVED this chapter, Ero-Sennin! Write chapter 2 soon!

EDIT: Sometime in chapter 2, a mention of events in Nerima should be made..This way, I can start writing the Hakushi bit which reports Sailor Moon's debut.
You do know they're on the opposite sides of Tokyo right?
 

DrTempo

Well-Known Member
#11
The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

Of course...This serves to allow us to know what's going on in "Interview" while the events of "BDSM" are occuring.

EDIT: That's a lot of pop culture references..But that's expected from this universe. Also, anyone think we should add a section on the "Interview" tropes page for this fic?
 

Ezit Meti

Well-Known Member
#12
The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

Take care, Ero-Sennin... lest you be lured into posting a similar story for each series with its own subforum... I'd only really have a problem with that because it would mean you'd spend less time writing either of these two. Oh. And you'd probably go insane. Insaner. Or loop round and become sane again.

So don't do that, no matter how awesome it would be! Awesome like this story right here!
 

The Ero-Sennin

The Eyes of Heaven
Staff member
#13
The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

I think I've looped twice by now.
 

Ezit Meti

Well-Known Member
#14
The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

I can see that.

But still, and this is coming from someone that only even entered this subforum because I caught sight of the title, excellent work so far.
 

DrTempo

Well-Known Member
#15
The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

Anyway, Ero-Sennin, how's chapter 2 of this coming along? I'm not a fan of cliffhangers.
 

The Ero-Sennin

The Eyes of Heaven
Staff member
#16
The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

It'll be out anytime between midnight tonight and January 1st 2023.
 

DrTempo

Well-Known Member
#17
The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

The Ero-Sennin said:
It'll be out anytime between midnight tonight and January 1st 2023.
Oh, ha, ha, ha... It's the former, isn't it? I hate gags like that.

EDIT: Here's a scene I wrote up that takes place during Makoto's intro story:
(Usagi and Makoheir school's roof, both enjoying some ice cream.)
Usagi: Come on, Makoto! You'd make a great Senshi! What's wrong?
Makoto: Parole.
Usagi: Huh?
Makoto: A couple of years ago, I decided to try and be a vigilante...However, my "talent"..(Usagi looks at Makoto's chest) got me in trouble with the Yakuza....By the way, it was what you're looking at and my height that got me.. I got sent to juvie, and one of my parole conditions is that I don't engage in heroism.
Usagi: Ever think..I don't know..your parole officer might be under the Yakuza payroll?
(Makoto slaps her head.)
Makoto: Explains some of his actions towards me.
Usagi: Besides, the outfits have some kind of magic that keeps people from figuring out who we are.
Makoto: I'm not sure.
Usagi: Come on! It took you only twenty seconds to beat me back when we were in the same dojo!
Makoto: You were better than the others. You actually lasted longer than any of them...
Usagi: Wow...I didn't know I was that good.
Makoto: You have a natural.."talent."
Usagi: Not NEARLY as much as you!(Both laugh. Suddenly, a ring is heard; Usagi grabs her Senshi communicator.) Gotta go..(Makoto grabs Usagi's shoulder.)
Makoto: Not without me.
Usagi: Thank you, Makoto!
Makoto: Don't mention it..Now, we have work to do!
 

Nugar

Well-Known Member
#18
The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

Huh, this is pretty good. And funny. Almost too over the top for my tastes, but shit, can't always be grimdark.
 

DrTempo

Well-Known Member
#19
The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

True, true.
 

The Ero-Sennin

The Eyes of Heaven
Staff member
#20
The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

Saikyo no Fanfic!


= = =


Disclaimer: Make no mistake, this story is going into the gutter


Beautiful Destroyer Sailor Moon
The First Battle: Sailor Moon Arrives!

Usagi Tsukino is a very dangerous young woman

[2.]


Usagi awoke in her bed, feeling like she’d been trampled by a mob of brainwashed women and slapped around by a walking corpse. Letting out a grunt and a groan, Usagi rolled over and pushed herself up into a sitting position before stretching her hands high above her head. The weariness was fleeting, and she let out a yawn. No, she hadn’t been trampled or slapped around, she just had a really, really good night’s sleep after what had happened.

“Oh man… I never slept that good before.” She admitted as she swung her legs out of bed. She stopped midway when she saw Luna curled up in the corner of her bed, still fast asleep.

Leaning over, she reached over and poked the top of her head, and got no reaction, before she began to lightly pet the Mau. After a few strokes, she smiled when she heard the unmistakable sound of a purr. “Ha, she’s still a cat.”

Luna’s eyes cracked open, and she looked up at Usagi, and really wanted to bite her for that remark but hey, being pet felt really, really good. “I am awake you know.”

“Good morning then, Luna. Do you like dry or canned food?”

“I prefer dry for practicality, as it keeps my teeth in shape. If I want something with a little meat I can always hunt, I am a Mau after all.”

“So Mau are like, what, alien cats?” Usagi asked.

“The result of convergent evolution combined with the law infinite probability, a sentient species not-unlike the common house cat.” Luna said as she rose and arched her back to stretch. “We Mau and your Domestic and Feral Cats aren’t too different, actually. Were circumstances a little different in their history, they’d be exactly like us.”

“Wow, that’s kind of heavy.” Usagi got up out of bed. As she got on her feet and began to stretch, she stopped when she noticed yet another addition to her room, the single rose sitting in a glass vase on her desk. She smiled warmly at it, before going to her closet to get her uniform.

Luna looked at the rose, and then turned back to Usagi. “About that, do you think it is a good idea to let that man just run about? He already knew who you were.”

“He was kind of hot,” Usagi replied as she set her uniform on the bed. “Plus, he helped me out, so I’m not going to hold it against him.”

“Yes, he did help you, but he’s still an unpredictable variable. He could be trying to ingratiate himself to you so he can stab you in the back.” Luna’s eyes narrowed. “It’s what I’d do.”

“You read The Prince?”

“You read The Prince?”

Usagi shrugged her shoulders. “My pastimes are as unpredictable as I am.” She grabbed a towel. “I’m taking a shower; I’ll be out in a minute and then it’s off to breakfast and school.”

Ten minutes later, Usagi surprised her entire family by appearing at the breakfast table on time for once. Well, everyone but Ikuko, who learned to set her watch to Usagi’s general unpredictability rather than her predictability a long time ago. “Good morning Usagi-chan, I made you extra toast.”

“Wow, thanks Mom! It’s just what I was hankering for,” Usagi said cheerfully as she picked up the toast and buttered it.

Her dad, Kenji Tsukino, looked to her Mom in disbelief, he still hadn’t quite grasped the concept of predicting Usagi’s unpredictability, but then again he’d cut his losses with her and invested in Shingo, who at least appeared mentally stable. Boy was he going to be disappointed in a couple of years.

Shingo, whose attention was diverted between his breakfast and the morning news on his expensive and fancy touch-screen phone, looked over at Usagi. “Hey Dango-nee, Naru’s store got trashed last night.”

Usagi slowed down the chewing on her toast. “Huh? What happened?” She asked, despite knowing damn well what happened.

“Armed robbers tried to hit it, and ended up holding a ton of people hostage until some crazy vigilante showed up and defeated them before the police could get there. Half the store got destroyed but no one was hurt,” Shingo said in summary.

Usagi couldn’t help a smile. “A vigilante saved the day, huh? Did they get a description?”

Shingo nodded. “Witnesses say it was a man in a tuxedo, top hat, and mask.”

Bullshit, fucking bullshit. Usagi sagged a bit, and then shrugged her shoulders. “Eh, well no one was hurt I guess, so cool.”

Inwardly, she was throwing a fit. After all that, he got the credit? All he did was throw a fucking rose! God, if he wasn’t so hot and mysterious and knew how to play Latin Guitar–the ONE instrument that got her motor running–she’d be hunting him down and kicking his perfect ass for stealing her thunder. But he was all of those things, so she’d let it go.

“I’ve heard of that guy, he’s been running around for a while now, leaves a rose as a calling card. We in the business call him Tuxedo Kamen,” her Father noted.

“Huh, his name’s Tuxedo Kamen, huh?” Interesting, she at least had an ID on him now. Finishing her toast and grabbing up the extra slice, she headed for the door. “Well, I’m off to school! I’m not going to be late for once!”

“Have good day, Usagi-chan, and don’t forget you have practice at the dojo today,” her mother called after her.

Usagi nodded and poked her head back in the dining room to wave. “Thanks Mom, bye!”

Turning around and heading for the door, she slipped on her shoes and dashed out, only to smash right into Naru as she was approaching to knock. “Oof! Good morning Naru! Surprised I came out on time?”

Wearing what appeared to be a turtleneck t-shirt under her uniform to hide the bruising around her neck, Naru smiled to Usagi. “Hey Usagi-chan, I guess I kind of am.” She then grew a little serious. “Hey, can we go somewhere and talk really quick, somewhere alone?”

Blinking, Usagi stared at Naru. Wait, she hadn’t figured it out, had she? “Um, okay we can go talk… come on…”


It turned out that Naru had figured it out, given the first words out of her mouth after she led her down the street, into an alleyway, and made sure they were absolutely alone with no chance of anyone listening in.

“What the fuck Usagi? When were you going to tell me that you were a fucking superhero? You fucking came into the store, fucking quoted Rom fucking Stol out of the blue, beat up all those fucking women and fucking manhandled and killed a monster what the fuck?”

Naru dropping F-Bombs all in this bitch, and it both shocked Usagi and turned her on a little. “Whoa, Naru… I didn’t manhandle it; I mean…Tuxedo Kamen helped a little…”

“You. Kicked. It. Through. A. Building. You. Are. A. Fucking. Superhero.” Naru had to carefully emphasize those words as she gripped Usagi’s shoulders. “When were you going to fucking tell me?”

Usagi squirmed free. “Look, this is kind of new to me! That cat I rescued yesterday? A magical alien cat from outer space! She said I’m apparently some reborn guardian of the Moon and I have to do this or we’re all doomed, okay?”

Naru stared at her. “You know, it’s really sad that even if I hadn’t been throttled half to death by a monster yesterday, I’d believe every word out of your mouth because it’s too insane to be made up… even for you.”

Leaning against the wall, Usagi sighed. “But yeah, there you go. I am a Superhero, just… you know, keep it a secret?”

Calming down, considerably, Naru took several deep breaths and nodded. “Okay, okay… I’m sorry for blowing up on you, but you did kind of wreck our store, you know.”

Usagi let out a laugh. “That was me not knowing my own strength, sorry.”

“Yeah, you were really strong…” Naru smiled. “Hey, you know maybe I could be like your sidekick, like in Kamen Raider?”

“I don’t know, all of Kamen Raider’s female sidekicks mostly died. Horribly.”

“Well, I could be the civilian sidekick who protects your identity, acts as a shocked witness to your amazing power, and helps move the plot along when you or the author is in a pinch.”

Now that actually sounded like a good idea. “Wow, you would do that for me? Thanks!”

Naru laughed. “Oh, what are friends for, Usagi?”

“A free lunch!” Usagi replied happily.

At that, Naru developed a wise smirk. “Oh yeah, speaking of things friends are for. You’re going to help clean up the store, or I’m gonna take the damage you did out of your ass.”

Usagi laughed. “You know, you’re absolutely adorable when you curse.”

“I’m being serious, Usagi!” Naru said in a tone that was entirely not.


Arms over each other’s shoulders, the two girls left the alley with smiles on their faces. Stealthy as the cat she resembled, Luna watched the two from a rooftop and let out a sigh. Who Usagi revealed her identity to was really her business, but Luna preferred if she kept a low profile about it. Hopefully, she took enough from her silly television shows to know the importance of maintaining her secrecy.

An undisclosed distance away, Jadeite sat on the steps of an icy cavern, his face buried in his palm. Morga was dead, and all the energy she had gathered was gone. What the Hell had happened? The one moment he turned away from the situation, something or someone had killed her and dispersed the energy just as he reached his quota. Beryl was going to be pissed, and he had nothing to show for it.

“I heard you lost Morga.” The voice, soft like a gently flowing stream, belonged to only one person. He looked up at the somewhat sad woman with long blue hair standing over him. “That was a shame; she was one of your best.”

Jadeite raised his head. “Beryl’s going to notice that I didn’t meet quota, and she’s going to tear me a new one. I need to find out what happened.”

Thetis nodded. “If you like, I can convince one of Beryl’s youma to pick up the slack. If all she knows is that Morga was killed, as long as quota is met, she won’t care.”

Jadeite felt flattered. “Thetis, thank you.”

“It’s nothing.” Thetis replied before she turned into a swirling spout of water that evaporated away. Once she was gone, Jadeite lowered his head again and smiled. It was nice to have someone in his corner.

“Shit, I hope Nephrite gets back soon.” He murmured.


Walking onto the schoolyard, Usagi and Naru stopped when they noticed a commotion going on, and found a cheap black sedan parked quite illegally on the sidewalk leading to the steps and blocking them. The whore from yesterday was standing in front of it, along with some twenty-something gangster, complete with tattoos, painfully bleached and spiked hair, and a colorfully flamboyant jacket and shirt… like he was trying to be a Kakihara wannabe.

Anyone who can guess that reference will prove to be as big a loser as the author.

“There she is, baby, the bitch who did this to me!” The “this” Usagi did being the beating that resulted in her wearing a neck brace and a cast on her right arm. She also sported numerous bruises, two black eyes, and several missing teeth.

The whore’s boyfriend pushed himself off from the side of his car and spread his “Absolute Don’t Fuck with Me” Field that kept the other students of Juuban Junior High School at a safe distance. He looked Usagi over, and let out a huff. “This is the girl that kicked your ass?”

“She’s a butch dyke! All I did was call that ginger bitch with her a bitch and she flipped the fuck out on me!” the whore yelled, as she pointed between Usagi and Naru. “Teach her a lesson, baby!”

Naru recoiled. “Ginger?!”

Usagi stepped forward, and gave the man a look of slack-jawed apathetic detachment. “How old are you, like thirty or something?”

The thug snorted. “You calling me old, brat?”

“You’re calling me a brat, when you’re fucking a girl younger than me?”

It was true; Usagi was older than the whore by a month and a half.

“And now you’re coming into a rich neighborhood like you run it, to beat up a girl in broad daylight? Are you retarded?”

Usagi looked over to the whore. “He’s the big time gangster in Roppongi, huh? He’s probably not even qualified to scrub the toilets in a third rate Soapland.”

The gangsta boyfriend put on his best impression of a crazy smile. “You’ve got a mouth on you; don’t you know who I am? I control the streets of Roppongi; I’ve stood in the same room as my boss with thirty other badasses and was the only man to not shit his pants. Little girl I’ve made men disappear, and turned tougher bitches than you into working girls, if you know what I mean. You have the nerve to beat my girl, and insult me to my face?”

Usagi stared at him. “You’re a cheap Kakihara wannabe.”

That really set him off. “What did you call me? Oh you little… when I’m through teaching you a lesson, you and your little friend are coming with me! We’re going to a little place in Roppongi you might like.”

Usagi rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Naru-chan, this man is a moron.”

“Yes, yes he is,” Naru replied.

“I think I might kill him.”

“Yes, yes you might.”

Usagi sighed and then turned to the man. “Listen to what I am about to say carefully: You just threatened a dear friend of mine. When the police show up, they’re going to arrest me for what I did to you.”

Laughing aloud, the idiot made his nth mistake of the morning, and pulled out a knife. “Bitch, the only thing coming to get you is a hearse!”

Seeing the weapon, Usagi’s flat expression turned into a genuine lunatic’s grin. “It’s now self-defense.”


The night before, and Usagi as Sailor Moon was face to face with Morga, who had released Naru to let her fall to the floor before turning her body to completely face her. Well, this was unexpected, a human girl in a fetishized Sailor Fuku coming along claiming to be here to stop her? Oh well, just another bit of fodder for Jadeite. She looked to the unconscious women, and then grinned. “Kill her.”

Like zombies, the women rose to their feet, their lifeless eyes focused on Sailor Moon. She tensed up, and then backed away as the women advanced on her. “Well… this is going to be inconvenient…”

As the mob attacked Sailor Moon, Morga returned her attention to Naru, who had gotten up and was crawling for the alarm system of the jewelry store. She had almost reached it, blood dripping from the corner of her mouth from the injuries incurred by her near strangulation, when Morga grabbed her by her leg and dragged her back. She let out a hoarse cry, and quickly tried to kick free.

“Let go of me! Let go!” She pleaded.

Morga chuckled and began to dig her fiendishly sharp nails into her leg as she easily took the weak blows. “You’re going to have to kick a lot harder than that to hurt me, little girl!”

“Okay.”

Morga turned around, and saw Sailor Moon in the air above her head, with her right leg raised high. It came down, and when it hit Morga it drove her face through the floor and into the tiled floor up to her shoulders.

Freed, Naru crawled back, and stared in disbelief at the scene: all of the women were scattered about the store, slumped over displays or sprawled out, as though on the receiving end of a whirlwind of blows.

“Who… who are you?” Naru exclaimed as she stared directly at Sailor Moon.

Sailor Moon just smiled and then hopped back from Morga as she rose to her feet, furious. “You’re going to pay for that, you little tramp!”

Raising her hand, Sailor Moon beckoned for the youma to bring it. Morga did, extending one of her arms to grab the girl, only to whiff it as Sailor Moon ducked under the limb and running up to kick her hard into the wall, cracking it on impact. Naru, now safely clear, gasped in amazement at the force of the blow.

Morga was not down yet, pushing herself up, she lunged at Sailor Moon in an attempt to out-speed her and catch her on her flank. To her surprise, her target moved first, moving to her unguarded left before driving a roundhouse kick into her back and smashing her through a display case. She had not even hit the ground beyond it when Sailor Moon grabbed her face and smashed her into a wall.

“Come on!” Pulling her back by her hair, Sailor Moon smashed her into the wall again. “You want me to hit harder? I can hit harder!” She smashed her face into the wall yet again. “Don’t die on me! You can’t break now!”

Morga managed to shove Sailor Moon back. When she swung at her with an elastic appendage, the youma was missed. “You little…!”

She charged forth to rake her claws through Sailor Moon, and again missed pathetically. Landing with hands on Morga’s head, Sailor Moon twisted her head seven hundred and twenty degrees on her neck before springing off. Landing on another display, and barely even budging the glass, she waited.

Morga twisted her head around twice, and faced her opponent. “I’ll make you regret making light of me!”

She lunged again, and Sailor Moon again mocked her with a swift hop over her head to snap-kick her down into the case, shattering it. As she sprung off her, however, Morga’s arms extended and grabbed Sailor Moon before swinging her down and through another case. “GOT YOU!”

With her hands around Sailor Moon’s throat Morga got up, and prepared to reel the warrior in… when a rose, thrown like a dart, suddenly cut across her face. Hissing in pain, she dropped Sailor Moon to palm at the cut. “Ah! My face!”

Looking up Sailor Moon heard the gentle strum of a Spanish Guitar before she spotted him sitting in a windowsill, a man in a tuxedo and top hat, a white mask over his eyes, and a guitar in his hands. Staring, a single thought ran through Sailor Moon’s mind:

“He is so sexy.”

“Please excuse my intrusion Sailor Moon,” Tuxedo Kamen said as he played. “But don’t you think you’ve played with this one long enough?”

Sailor Moon looked back to Morga, and then smiled. “Stranger, you’re quite right.”

With a hard, fast rhythm, Tuxedo Kamen began to play as Sailor Moon began walking towards Morga. Snarling the youma attacked first, lunging with claws ready. She then extended her arms like rifle shots, and ended up hitting only the wall behind where Sailor Moon stood.

Her eyes wide, Morga didn’t even have time to turn around as Sailor Moon kicked off a wall behind her and then threw herself into a flying kick that smashed the youma through the wall in front of her, and through the walls of the businesses Osa-P shared the building with. By the time a wall finally stopped the youma, it was dying.

“…What … are… you…?” Morga weakly gurgled, before she turned into dust.

Posed three-point style with one hand on the ground, Sailor Moon rose and dusted her hands clean.

“Courtesy of Raider 1, youma.” She said, before looking up at the window. “Thanks for the fight song, stranger.”

“It was my pleasure, Sailor Moon.” With a final strum of his guitar, Tuxedo Kamen tossed another rose to Sailor Moon and quietly departed. After watching his flowing cape follow him out of view, she looked down at the rose and heaved a wistful sigh. Her first day as a superhero, and she was already in love with an ally.

“SAILOR MOON!” Luna roared, snapping her from her teenaged fancies. “What on Earth did you do!?”

Jumping, she turned and looked down at the frazzled Luna. “What did I do? I killed the youma! That’s what!”

“Yes, that’s all well and good but…!”

She was cut off by Naru, who had already assessed the damage. “… You destroyed my family’s store, you maniac!”

Sailor Moon looked over to Naru, and huffed. “Rebuild it, that’s all you can do.”

“Rebuild it?” A baffled Naru replied. “But the jewelry, the diamonds, they’re all ruined!”

Sailor Moon turned away from Naru, and looked towards the open doors of the store before walking towards them. “Material possessions are merely filler for the empty soul. Such things can be replaced, lives cannot.”

No way. Naru’s eyes practically popped out of her skull when she heard those words, and she slowly rose to her feet. “U-Usagi, is…is that you?”

Stopping at the door to allow Luna to jump onto her shoulder, Sailor Moon glanced back at Naru, before she departed into the night. Naru watched her go, completely baffled. She didn’t even notice the door to the basement finally burst open and her bound and gagged mother stumble in after her hours long struggle to get to the showroom floor.


The whore who brought a wannabe gangster from Roppongi to her Junior High School to beat up Usagi Tsukino was just one of the many stunned students staring at what had transpired. The man was now slumped against the side of his trashed car, its windows having been broken after repeated blows from his bruised, swollen face, while his clothes were torn and stained in his blood, which ran in rivulets down his arm and dripped off his fingertips.

Standing behind him, firmly gripping his hair in her hand, a still psychotically smiling Usagi slowly pulled his head back and then let go, causing him to fall onto his back. She had a single mark on her, a cut in her uniform top where he had tried to slice her with his knife, the only attack he had managed to get in. Lowering her blood-stained hand as the school bell chimed, she turned and walked over to Naru.

“Sometimes I don’t know if I should be flattered or terrified at what you’re willing to do for me.” It was the only thing Naru could say.

Usagi smiled “Naru-chan, I would burn down the entire world for you.”

It was one of the reasons Naru was Usagi’s friend. Beyond being loud, funny, and at times frighteningly nonsensical, she had moments where she was a different person, a frightening almost untouchable figure that was so many things at once. Some days, Naru saw a brilliant intellect, other days there was an indomitable strength, and on others still, like now, she saw a fearsome loyalty to those that cared she cared for.

“Like I said…” Naru stopped and shook her head. “Oh well least you let him attack first; I don’t think anything else will justify what you did.”

“Exactly, he cut me.” She lifted her shirt, showing off the thin line across her stomach. “I feared for my life, so I acted accordingly.”

Could that cheap thug have actually done anything? Who knew, but Usagi was not to leave anything to chance, especially when he threatened Naru. “Hey, Naru, help me wash the blood off my hands, okay?”

Naru smiled. “Sure thing,” she then added under her breath, “Sailor Moon.”

Usagi laughed and nudged Naru as they went into the bathroom. “Hey, hey…”


A few minutes later in class, Haruna Sakurada let out a depressed sigh as she spoke on the phone with her older sister, the successful Superintendent-General of the Tokyo Metropolitan Police that made her job as a teacher just another one of her regrets. “I know, I know, but she’s actually a good girl otherwise and she only does things like this when she feels people close to her are threatened.”

Her sister responded, and Haruna rubbed the bridge of her nose. “I’ve already talked with her family about her behavior and there’s nothing there that indicates some sort of abuse at home. Her father is a writer for a respectable magazine and her mother is really good at reining her in. She may be disturbed, but she’s definitely no delinquent.”

More talking and Haruna opened her drawer to reveal the flask of twelve year old whiskey singing her name like a siren’s song. “You can go talk to them yourself, but you’ll only get the same thing we were told: ‘Usagi-chan is an ally of justice, if she beat someone up then they deserved it’.”

This applied especially to the gangsta being loaded into the back of an ambulance in handcuffs–not even counting the criminal record and the slew of charges he racked up today alone. “Besides, it’s not like you have any witnesses, right? So what makes you think she even had something to do with it?”

Indeed, no one seemed to have noticed what happened during the assault with excessive force that happened outside despite half the student body being at the scene of the crime during it. Not even the gangsta’s girlfriend, whom after seeing someone else on the receiving end of an Usagi Tsukino-brand beating decided that maybe heterosexuality was overrated.

Finally, her sister relented and bid her a farewell before hanging up the phone. Looking down at her whiskey, she picked it up, popped the cap off the flask and took a swig from it. She immediately thought of a friend from her Teaching College. “I wonder if Tanizaki-sempai goes through days like this.”

She’d emptied half of the flask when Usagi walked in with Naru. Picking up her notebook, she walked over and promptly whacked her on the head with it. “Usagi! What did I tell you about fights at school?”

“To do them behind the gym equipment shed where no one can see?” Usagi asked.

“Exactly! My sister is starting to get nosy about this shit! Do you realize who she is and what she does?!”

Usagi took the flask from her and took a hit. “The Glenlivet, aged twelve years? You have expensive taste, Haruna.”

“It was a graduation gift from my seniors.” Haruna snatched it back and stuffed it in the drawer. “Just keep a low profile for a while okay? No beating up people or causing mayhem, if you can do that I’ll go easy on you with your homework.”

Naru smiled. “You’re way too lenient; you should at least let her stand out in the hall with buckets or something.”

Other students began to file in and Haruna let out a laugh. “And let this little barbarian get stronger than she is? Just be cool, Usagi.”

“Jawohl, Hauptmann!” Usagi replied as she went over to her desk, feeling quite proud of herself for her victory today. Combined with her newfound powers, she was feeling pretty invincible right now, no one could touch her!


Later that afternoon, at the “Running Dragon School of Indiscriminate Grappling”, a third rate dojo located a few blocks over from Osa-P and entirely unrelated to certain other schools of Indiscriminate Grappling, Usagi was performing her stretching routine when her sensei, a part-timer who also taught gym at an academically demanding school elsewhere in the Metropolitan area, walked in and waved.

“Good afternoon.” Sensei said cheerfully as she gestured to the door at her side that led to the dojo’s locker room. “A new student just joined the school, so let’s make her feel welcomed okay? Mako-chan, you can come out now.”

Usagi, now with one foot stretched above her head, stared as the girl introduced walked in. Good lord, she was a giantess, she was even taller than Sensei! She had to be at least what, a hundred seventy two centimeters tall? Jesus Christ kicking the shit out of a Child Molester!

As Usagi went through a mental tirade over Makoto Kino’s height, Makoto bowed to the group. “Hello, I’m Makoto Kino; I hope you will treat me well.”

Sensei continued. “She’s a second rank black belt and will soon be on her way to achieving a third. So even though she’s new, do treat her with some respect okay?”

She was a second rank black belt? Usagi was intrigued as she folded her arms and gave Makoto a scrutinizing look. “Black Belt rank doesn’t mean much, except for that you’re set in your ways.”

Makoto blinked. “Excuse me, but what did you just say?”

“I mean, so what if you’ve got a pretty black belt. It doesn’t mean that you’re any better than some of the no-ranks here,” Usagi replied. “If you want to be respected then show us something worth respecting.”

Sensei hesitated when Usagi made her declaration, and she nervously looked over to Makoto. “Mako-chan, you don’t have to do it. Usa-chan is a bit rowdy.”

Thankfully, Makoto was clearly above such baiting. “That’s alright; I don’t need to show off any to prove myself. It’s unbecoming of a martial artist.”

Usagi was not going to be having any of that. “Is that a fact, Miss Tokyo Tower?”

Right on the mark, dead amidships, where Usagi’s verbal Mk 48 ADCAP exploded underneath and broke the keel of Makoto’s temper. Her brows twitching, Makoto stared down at Usagi. “Excuse me but did you just-?”

“I said it.”

Makoto stepped right up to her, a scowl on her face. “It wouldn’t take me more than thirty seconds to destroy you.”

Usagi grinned up at Makoto, feeling invincible. “Oh yeah? Prove it, show me what you got.”

Shrugging her shoulders, Makoto stepped back. “Okay, you asked for it.”

“You really think that?” Usagi retorted confidently. “Let’s just see what a second rank black belt can-”

Thirty seconds later, Usagi was face down in a slowly spreading pool of blood.

“You were saying, Dango-head?” Makoto asked Usagi, who let out an indecipherable moan before she pushed herself up, the blood dribbling from her nose and mouth.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry… you’re really, really good… I regret insulting you and I will never be rude to you again…” Usagi could barely hear herself over her acute case of tinnitus.

Watching from the side, Sensei shook her head. “I think you gave her a concussion.”

“How can you tell?” Makoto asked as Usagi got to her feet and rubbed her head.

“I don’t have a concussion, and can someone make that ringing stop? I can’t hear what Colonel von Stauffenberg is saying and it sounds important.” Usagi replied.

Sensei shook her head. “To be honest I wouldn’t know. I am impressed though, that skill of yours is much better than that of a Second Rank Black Belt.”

Makoto smiled a bit as Usagi began saying “Yes Colonel” over and over. “I’ll admit I’m not the only one who’s more than she lets on.”

Usagi then collapsed to the floor, mumbling something incoherently about Operation Valkyrie. Sensei and Makoto looked from the now semiconscious wreck to the each other, before unanimously deciding to call her mother.


Once she recovered from her mild case of “Got knocked the fuck out” and got home with her mother, Usagi headed up to her room and flopped onto the bed. What a busy day it was. She beat up some thug, got her ass handed to her by a new girl she was certain was going to be her friend by the end of the week, and made it home without having to fight a youma or some shit like that. Speaking of that shit, Luna hopped up onto her bed and walked over to sniff at her face.

“You are very cat-like,” Usagi stated as she reached up and began to pet her.

“And deranged does not even begin to describe you.” Luna replied curtly before slipping from under her hand and evading another attempt at being petted. “Goodness, is this how your day goes every day?”

Usagi chuckled and sat up. “This is actually a slow day; I usually beat up way more people. They call me Minato’s Akane Tendo for a reason.”

“Who is that?” Luna asked.

“Don’t worry, just another one of my crazy references that goes over your head,” Usagi replied.

“Don’t you think your energy is better suited on more constructive pursuits?” Luna chided.

Usagi laid back. “Ugh, you’re not my Mom. You can’t tell me what to do.”

“I guess not, but my advice is helpful.”

Rolling over to put her back to Luna, Usagi picked up a remote and pointed it at the stereo on her bookshelf. “It really is, and if there’s anything you can teach me, I’ll gladly and graciously learn it. Now hush, my show’s starting soon.”

“Your show…?” Luna asked before some English rock song suddenly began blaring through the radio.

“… And welcome back to Depths of the Strange, we are your hosts Hakushi and Marik,” The latter of the duo announced in a snark-riddled deadpan over the music. “It’s Cool Music Wednesday, where we showcase a little bit of awesome to offset the crap we have to put up with. Today’s selection comes from Heroes of Gunstar, off their new album His Finest Hour. The track itself is called ‘The Ballad of Honest Ed’.”

“Well it’s the last five minutes of the show,” the former replied much more energetically. “We’ve already covered the strange, the weird, and bizarre around the world but now we’re going to bring it a little closer to home and leave you with the new weirdness that’s cropped up in the last few days.”

Marik replied, “This is going to be a good one too.”

“The Worldwide Road Roller is in the news again.” Hakushi announced.

“The strangest girl in Tokyo is living up to her name, huh?”

“During the weekend, she and her still yet to be named beau got into it with The Golden Pair of Martial Arts Figure Skating. The beating the Golden Pair received was so violent that the International Skating Union declared today that Martial Arts Figure Skating events worldwide would be banned.”

“We really ought to do an exposé on this stuff, I just found out today that there’s Martial Arts Watching Paint Dry over in Shibuya.”

Usagi went wide-eyed at the news. “Holy shit, no way. The Golden Pair were my faves.”

“Well, I guess there’s always roller derby for the Golden Pair, right?” Marik asked.

“Right, if they can ever hope to walk again,” Hakushi replied. “There’s a fresh one out of Minato too. If you folks remember, last night we did a breaking news update on the Osa-P jewelry store robbery that was foiled by Tuxedo Kamen. Well if you go to our webpage, and click on videos you’ll find that there’s a little more to the story than a simple robbery.”

“A lot more.”

“From what these exclusive security tapes from the store show, it wasn’t so much a robbery as it was a monster trying to kill everyone in the store. Even weirder still, it wasn’t Tuxedo Kamen who saved the day, but a hot little number in a cute little sailor fuku.”

“Hot little number? She looks young enough to be your daughter, Haku.”

“Anyway, we don’t have a name on this one, but you gotta watch the tapes. There’s just so much that we can’t convey to you on radio.”

“Yeah, like the part where she kicks the poor son of a bitch through six walls. Yikes.”

The outro music began to play for the two, as Hakushi laughed. “Anyway, the music means that our time is up and the Late Night Sex Line… err… Midnight Zero is about to start. Remember you can check out the video at HakuMari dot JP, just click on the videos button. And if you can at least give us a name or something on our fuku-wearing vigilante, you may get a prize.”

“And don’t forget we still have tickets for the Heroes of Gunstar Concert at Tokyo Big Sight, and that show is only right around the corner. Concert tickets will be given out during the day, remember to listen for the prompt and be caller number twenty and if you can demonstrate your Natalie Adams trivia prowess, you will get those seats,” Marik added.

Luna looked over to Usagi. “See what happens when you lack subtlety?”

“Well it can’t be helped, even if I didn’t go absolutely balls out crazy on that youma, I would’ve been caught on tape anyway,” Usagi argued.

“Well at the very least you could’ve gone back and gotten the security tapes.”

“Why didn’t you think of that, oh wise advisor?”

Luna indignantly swiped at Usagi’s face. “Shut up.”

“Ow!” Usagi picked up Luna and tossed her out the window. “You bitch!”

“Revenge will be mine!” Luna yelled as she went out the window.

Content, Usagi laid back and looked back over to the radio, as the DJ began speaking. “Hello, this is Midnight Zero and I am your new host, Jade Eyes…”

Usagi pulled a pillow under her to get comfy and smiled dreamily as she listened to the speaker speak. He had such a sexy voice. “… Tonight, we’re doing something a little different. The authors of the sexy letters that I’ve received are going to get a very special gift. I won’t tell what it is, because we value the anonymity of the writers of our lovely submissions.”

“Ooh, a special gift? Maybe I should send a letter in,” Usagi mused aloud as she settled in to listen to some steamy narration.

At the radio station the youma Flau licked her lips as she listened to DJ Jadeite speak. “God, he’s so sexy.”

Next to her in the control booth, Thetis was in complete agreement as she eyed one of the special gifts that would be going out tonight, a simple flower broach.

“Our first letter comes from a young woman who only wants to be known as ‘Spring Gardener’…”


[To Be Continued…]


Usagi: Apparently a reviewer complained about there being no “Sailor Moon Says” last chapter, so from now on, there’s going to be one!

Luna: Really now?

Usagi: Anyway, fighting is very bad. You should not do it unless you absolutely must and for the right reasons! Don’t fight to prove you’re strong, and don’t fight to harm others. Your strength should be used to protect the innocent and weak in the name of justice, and that’s all that matters. This is what Kamen Raider has taught me.

Luna: Wow… that’s, really actually a very good lesson.

Usagi: Sailor Moon Says! (Annoying Giggle)


= = =


I have nothing witty to put here.
 

DrTempo

Well-Known Member
#21
The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

Groan..Did you have to do the Sailor Moon Says bit? Otherwise, I LOVE this chapter.
 
#22
The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

Dunno, I like it, made it more obvious that this Usagi wasn't just a(n hilariously) hyperactive cheerfully psychotic maniac. :lol:

This is one of my few Sailor Moon faves now~
 

DrTempo

Well-Known Member
#23
The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

This needs a TVTropes page!
 
#24
The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

there is a reason why you use "Raider" instead of "Rider"?
Change 1-2-3 reference?(which, by the way, is a wrong translation, IIRC it should have been Redder)


that said, awesome chapter!
 

DrTempo

Well-Known Member
#25
The Ero-Sennin wrote a Sailor Moon Fanfic!

ankokudaishogun said:
there is a reason why you use "Raider" instead of "Rider"?
Change 1-2-3 reference?(which, by the way, is a wrong translation, IIRC it should have been Redder)


that said, awesome chapter!
Ya know, that is a good question, ankodaishogun.
 
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