Chibi Hina!

EagleCeres

Well-Known Member
#26
Good start, tho feels a bit rushed in certain scenes.

For some reason I can't help but picture Sue from Genshiken whenever I read about chibi-Sarah.

As for the Chibi personalities, I'd think they would complement if not exaggerate their full size doubles, but without dealing the damage on Keitaro (or KeiKei).

Remember to show more than tell, have fun with describing the chibis doing stuff and the "normals" trying to find out how and/or why they do things.

Keep up the good work
 

HotelKatz

Well-Known Member
#27
I made the spelling corrections.

I haven't ever heard of Genshiken before you mentioned it, but from what I found about Sue, I'm starting to like the idea of having Chibi-Sarah speak only in quotes.

So should I expand on Harurun's time in the teashop and also start off a drinking contest between Kitsune and Kon-chan? Or the latter situation, should I have them discuss a little bit about the possibility that Kitsune drinks diluted drinks that makes her appear drunk to any tests that involve breathalyzers or sniffing her breath, but she's actually more sober than she appears to be?

At the moment, Chibi-Sarah seems to be the first one with a special ability, creating Mini-idols out of the air. I'm tempted to give Mu-chan the ability to greatly increase Tama's strength while she is on Tama.
 

AJ_Katon

Well-Known Member
#28
So far so good. I do think you should take your time when writing interactions so that they don't seem like a quick text crawl.

And on Chibi sarah, how about the name Sasha?
 

HotelKatz

Well-Known Member
#29
I'll have to think about it, but I'll probably use that name, AJ_Katon. When I feel the chapter is completed, I'll thank everyone for helping with the chapter, as well as who named the chibis and which one.

I updated the ending of the chapter by expanding the Haruka and Harurun part. I decided against the Kitsune and Kon-chan part, but will use it in the next chapter.

I also found an old picture of a chibi-ized Motoko


As cute as that is, I think I'm still going to use this pic from the Puchimasu manga for the image on FFN. The panel that this was from was what gave me the idea to write this fic, after all.



Edit - if it isn't too much of a problem for you guys, could you point out where it seems the most rushed, so I can fix it?

Edit on June 15, 2014 - AJ_Katon, I've accepted your suggestion. I've credited you and EagleCeres for nameing the Chibis that you've named. Also should some of the Chibis have fingers or not?
 
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