Digimon DevilÆs Advocate: Devil in the Details

Ryuugi

Well-Known Member
#26
Summary: DevilÆs Advocate Side Stories. How does the world look through anotherÆs eyes? A story of how TakatoÆs actions look from Multiple Perspectives.

DevilÆs Advocate: Devil in the Details
Glimpses of the Future
Flowers in the Dark


The Right Hand of the Devil devours all.

Those who enter the Obsidian DukeÆs dominion first learn that he eats light, for the sun grows dim at his borders. Then they learn that he eats color, for his kingdom is a realm of gray.

Those who advance further into his dark wastes realize that parts of it bare the contorted markings of other life; a rock may have the shelled form of CrabmonÆs limbs or a grey tree trunk may reveal the frozen face of a forgotten fool who once braved the Darkness. For he also devours independence and identity, assimilating lesser creatures into his world.

There are places within the Dark that bear the marks of his rapacity upon the fabric of space; where a single step may cover many miles of distance or where every path leads in a single direction because every other course has been devoured. And an hour's passage in other places is as days elsewhere, because there he has gnawed at the bones of Time.

And then there are the places where, in his hunger, the Beast has chewed holes in the World. Gray sands begin to slowly fade into the roughness of concrete and asphalt, or the lushness of fresh grass, or the heat of desert sand and the cold of arctic ice. ItÆs said that creatures and men from strange worlds wander there at times and lose themselves in the darkness, for even the great beasts of the Digital World find it difficult to wrest free from these traps.

The Duke himself is not the only one there who hungers. Many of his abyssal servants share his appetites, and they feed on enemies and on unwary travelers with equal glee. Some are swifter than serpents and stronger than tigers. Others are as stealthy as shadows despite their impossibly brilliant plumage. They rarely deem fit to devour merely their victims' lives, preferring to steal their victims' strengths for themselves.

Few see fit to enter the DukeÆs Kingdom who do not also call it home. Even those who revel in darkness and silence seldom join them. For they seek those things for the solace and comfort they bring.

There is no solace or comfort in that Dismal World.

He has devoured that too.


XxXXxX

ôWe shouldnÆt be here.ö Gekomon said.

Gotsumon continued moving regardless.

ôThis is where they said Matsuda Takato vanished to.ö

ôB-but Gotsumon, this is the DukeÆs Territory!ö Gekomon whispered fearfully, as if the mere title would summon its owner.

ôàThe Duke is fighting Lucemon.ö Gotsumon said after a moment. ôAnd he opposes Yggdrasil as well. There are stories about him-ö

ôReally horrifying stories! You heard them too; if he did a tenth of what they say-ö

ôIf heÆd done what those tales say he did, heÆd be Matsuda Takato.ö Gotsumon stated.

ôàYou donÆt thinkà?ö

ôMaybe.ö The rocklike Digimon said. ôAfter allàDukemonàö

ôThen why are we here! What are you thinking; if you suspect he could be the DevilÆs Right Hand, than why the hell do you want to go!?ö

Gotsumon was silent for a moment. Honestly, he wasnÆt sure himself. He didnÆt have any proof that the Duke was Matsuda Takato, but it seemed like a pretty big coincidence for them both to share that name.

Added to the fact that there were rumors that the Right Hand lived in this place.

Gotsumon had heard of Matsuda Takato, of course. He had even seen him once and heard him speak. Back in the days of the Kaiser, everyone had thought him a hero.

And then the Kaiser had fallen and something even worse had taken his place. The things Matsuda Takato and his allies had doneàhis name still brought rage and fear to LucemonÆs enemies. And LucemonÆs alliesà

Well, there was a reason they called him the Right Hand of the Devil. He was worshiped almost as a God would be. HeÆd been called LucemonÆs Son, LucemonÆs General, and LucemonÆs Greatest Triumph. It was said that they were a Trinity; an dark reflection of the Three Angels. Lucemon, Takato, and that unholy beast of Megiddo that had rampaged across the Digital Worldà

Butàif the Duke was Matsuda Takato like he suspectedà

Why?

The Duke fought Lucemon and his armies at every turn. Why would he do that to his master?

There was so much he didnÆt know and nobody who knew would tell him.

Well, he wouldnÆt have the balls to actually ask them in the first place.

But was that all? Was curiosity the only thing motivating him? Was that the reason he came here?

àWhat would he even do if he was right? If the Duke was Matsuda Takato, would he kill him for knowing?

Actually, they really might kill him, just for being here, if those rumors were true.

Why then? Whyàwhy did he come here if it was so likely that he would die?

But then, he supposed that was the draw of Matsuda Takato, wasnÆt it?

A sudden buzzing interrupted his thoughts, but he didnÆt have more than a moment to think about it when a Kuwagamon crashed into the Earth.

ôSup, bitches!ö A boisterous voice suddenly cried. ôWhat the hell are you little pucks doing here!?ö

Gotsumon stared in stunned confusion, for a moment thinking the voice had come from the Kuwagamon.

ôA-ara, Sister, thatÆsàö Another voice began, quickly destroying that theory.

ôWell, its true, isnÆt it!?ö The first voice replied. ôI mean, a Gekomon and a Gotsumon walking into the Boss manÆs territory? TheyÆre either really ballsy or really stupid! Oi!ö

Gotsumon, feeling that the voice was now talking to him, hesitantly replied.

ôY-yes?ö

ôI hope you guys are grateful that we were passing through! If youÆd stumbled upon someone else, yaÆ might have got eaten! Now stand back; IÆm coming down!ö

However, they werenÆt even given a moment to step back before something leapt down from the KuwagamonÆs back and crashed into the ground before. A dust cloud was kicked up by the impact, hiding the new arrival from sight, but that didnÆt keep them from identifying her.

She wasnÆt very subtle.

ôThe great Rosemon has arrived!ö She announced. Even before the dust had faded, a rose garden was growing across the ground.

Gotsumon froze and Gekomon swore behind him.

They knew that name. They knew that Digimon, too, if only by reputation.

Rosemon.

General of the Jungle Troopers.
 
#28
Teasing us with scenes from the future, this is so awesome. Well now I really want to see how Devil's Advocate is going to get to this point, well done. So, is the Gotsumon in this chapter supposed to be the same one from chapter 6?

Some edits I found.

And an hour's passage in other places is as days elsewhere, because he has gnawed there at the bones of Time.
It might just be me but I think the wording feels a bit off here. Maybe something like:

And an hour's passage in other places is as days elsewhere, because there he has gnawed at the bones of Time.

Actually, they really might kill him, just for being her, if those rumors were true.
Actually, they really might kill him, just for being here, if those rumors were true.

If youÆd stumbled upon someone else, yaÆ might have got eaten! Now stand back; IÆm coming down!ö
If youÆd stumbled upon someone else, yaÆ might have gotten eaten! Now stand back; IÆm coming down!ö

I'm not sure if this was supposed to be a verbal tic of Rosemon's or not so just pointing it out.
 

Ryuugi

Well-Known Member
#29
Fixed.

Teasing us with scenes from the future, this is so awesome. Well now I really want to see how Devil's Advocate is going to get to this point, well done. So, is the Gotsumon in this chapter supposed to be the same one from chapter 6?
It's one of them, yeah; there were three. One of them is in Takato's army.

I'm not sure if this was supposed to be a verbal tic of Rosemon's or not so just pointing it out.
It is, but thanks for pointing it out, anyway.
 

Ryuugi

Well-Known Member
#30
ôR-Rosemon-sama!ö The two Digimon were quick to fall to one knee, well aware that this Ultimate could crush them in a second if she wanted too.

She seemed pleased at their form of address.

ôYou hear that, sis!?ö She suddenly shouted, turning around. ôMy reputation precedes me!ö

A tired sigh came from above.

ôI think, sister, that you probably just live in infamy.ö It said.

Rosemon pulled a face and turned back to the intruders.

ôSoàwhy are you here? You should probably keep in mind that I might kill you, depending on your answer.ö

Gekomon squeaked, but Gotsumon didnÆt retreat.

ôIÆm looking for Matsuda Takato.ö He said.

He couldnÆt see her eyes, so he couldnÆt be sure, butà

Rosemon seemed surprised.

A moment later, however, she was laughing hard.

ôWell, that explains that.ö She said after calming somewhat, though her voice was still full of mirth. ôIÆd wondered if you were brave or stupid, butàwithout a doubt, youÆre an idiot.ö

All amusement faded from her in an instant.

ôIf youÆd told the Duke that name, he might have killed you.ö She stated, matter-of-factly. ôAnd just to get to him, you would have needed to tell whichever General is on guard duty which, today, is Mr. Unknown. He would have killed you for sure. IÆd say you were lucky to meet me instead, butàIÆm considering killing you myself.ö

Gotsumon swallowed, but Rosemon didnÆt seem to be paying attention to him. He was well aware why; she was an Ultimate and he was a Child.

He couldnÆt run.

He sure as hell couldnÆt fight.

If she wanted him to die, heÆd die.

ôButàö Rosemon continued. ôThe reason they react so violently is because so many people have tried doing something stupid to the Boss. And even those idiots were smart enough to know that a Child and a pathetic Adult wouldnÆt be able to do anything to himàAre you just that stupid, or are you here for something else?ö

ôIàö Gotsumon wasnÆt sure what to say and he kicked himself for that; in this moment, what he said and didnÆt say could decide whether he lived or died.

But even he didnÆt know why he was here.

ôIàwas rescued onceàby Matsuda Takato. Back in the days of the Kaiser.ö He tried.

ôA new recruit?ö Rosemon wondered. ôIs that it? You want to join our side?ö

ôNo.ö He denied immediately. ôYou should know, right? The story of Matsuda Takatoàö

Rosemon fell silent at that.

ôI donÆt know why IÆm here.ö Gotsumon admitted after a moment of silence. ôI heard rumors of Matsuda Takato being hereàand I came in after him. What would I do if I found himà?ö

He was asking himself, rather than Rosemon.

ôHe probably wouldnÆt remember me.ö He continued. ôAndàIÆm not sure if I want him to. I couldnÆt defeat Matsuda Takato when his partner was a Child; I canÆt beat him now. ButàI donÆt want to defeat him, either. Whyàdid I come here?ö

Rosemon was silent for a moment before she let out a quiet chuckle.

ôWho knows?ö She said, sounding as if she were reminiscing. ôMaybe itÆs just becauseàhe is Matsuda Takato.ö

If he could have seen her eyes, he was sure they would have been closed.

ôàLeave.ö She said. ôBoth of you should go. I wonÆt chase you, but others might. This isnÆt a place for you.ö

Gotsumon hesitated, but Rosemon frowned at him.

He nodded and bowed.

ôThank you, Rosemon-sama.ö Gekomon said, already stepping back.

Another new voice cut off their retreat almost instantly.

ôOi, Rosemonàwhat the hell do you think youÆre doing?ö

RosemonÆs face twisted in distaste even as they looked for the source.
 

Aarik

Well-Known Member
#31
Ryuugi said:
ôR-Rosemon-sama!üEThe two Digimon were quick to fall to one knee, well aware that this Ultimate could crush them in a second if she wanted too.

She seemed pleased at their form of address.

ôYou hear that, sis!?üEShe suddenly shouted, turning around. ôMy reputation precedes me!üE
A tired sigh came from above.

ôI think, sister, that you probably just live in infamy.üEIt said.

Rosemon pulled a face and turned back to the intruders.

ôSoüEhy are you here? You should probably keep in mind that I might kill you, depending on your answer.üE
Gekomon squeaked, but Gotsumon didnÆt retreat.

ôIÆm looking for Matsuda Takato.üEHe said.

He couldnÆt see her eyes, so he couldnÆt be sure, butüE
Rosemon seemed surprised.

A moment later, however, she was laughing hard.

ôWell, that explains that.üEShe said after calming somewhat, though her voice was still full of mirth. ôIÆd wondered if you were brave or stupid, butüEithout a doubt, youÆre an idiot.üE
All amusement faded from her in an instant.

ôIf youÆd told the Duke that name, he might have killed you.üEShe stated, matter-of-factly. ôAnd just to get to him, you would have needed to tell whichever General is on guard duty which, today, is Mr. Unknown. He would have killed you for sure. IÆd say you were lucky to meet me instead, butüEÆm considering killing you myself.üE
Gotsumon swallowed, but Rosemon didnÆt seem to be paying attention to him. He was well aware why; she was an Ultimate and he was a Child.

He couldnÆt run.

He sure as hell couldnÆt fight.

If she wanted him to die, heÆd die.

ôButüE Rosemon continued. ôThe reason they react so violently is because so many people have tried doing something stupid to the Boss. And even those idiots were smart enough to know that a Child and a pathetic Adult wouldnÆt be able to do anything to himüEre you just that stupid, or are you here for something else?üE
ôIüE Gotsumon wasnÆt sure what to say and he kicked himself for that; in this moment, what he said and didnÆt say could decide whether he lived or died.

But even he didnÆt know why he was here.

ôIüEas rescued onceüEy Matsuda Takato. Back in the days of the Kaiser.üEHe tried.

ôA new recruit?üERosemon wondered. ôIs that it? You want to join our side?üE
ôNo.üEHe denied immediately. ôYou should know, right? The story of Matsuda TakatoüE

Rosemon fell silent at that.

ôI donÆt know why IÆm here.üEGotsumon admitted after a moment of silence. ôI heard rumors of Matsuda Takato being hereüEnd I came in after him. What would I do if I found himüEüE
He was asking himself, rather than Rosemon.

ôHe probably wouldnÆt remember me.üEHe continued. ôAndüEÆm not sure if I want him to. I couldnÆt defeat Matsuda Takato when his partner was a Child; I canÆt beat him now. ButüE donÆt want to defeat him, either. WhyüEid I come here?üE
Rosemon was silent for a moment before she let out a quiet chuckle.

ôWho knows?üEShe said, sounding as if she were reminiscing. ôMaybe itÆs just becauseüEe is Matsuda Takato.üE
If he could have seen her eyes, he was sure they would have been closed.

ôàLeave.üEShe said. ôBoth of you should go. I wonÆt chase you, but others might. This isnÆt a place for you.üE
Gotsumon hesitated, but Rosemon frowned at him.

He nodded and bowed.

ôThank you, Rosemon-sama.üEGekomon said, already stepping back.

Another new voice cut off their retreat almost instantly.

ôOi, RosemonüEhat the hell do you think youÆre doing?üE
RosemonÆs face twisted in distaste even as they looked for the source.
...

My computer has become a faggot.

Fuck Internet Explorer.

I miss Firefox.
 

Ryuugi

Well-Known Member
#33
I spent a lot of time mulling it over. I didn't want to spoil too much in this one snapshot, which is why I debated whether or not I should reveal any of the speakers, but I eventually decided against it. The same went for another scene I had planned at the end, about Rosemon and the speaker having a conversation with Takato.

So, here it is; the second chapter. There's a small addition at the end, but it's otherwise as you've seen.

_____________________________________________________________

Summary: DevilÆs Advocate Side Stories. How does the world look through anotherÆs eyes? A story of how TakatoÆs actions look from Multiple Perspectives.

DevilÆs Advocate: Devil in the Details
Glimpses of the Future
Flowers in the Dark


The Right Hand of the Devil devours all.

Those who enter the Obsidian DukeÆs dominion first learn that he eats light, for the sun grows dim at his borders. Then they learn that he eats color, for his kingdom is a realm of gray.

Those who advance further into his dark wastes realize that parts of it bare the contorted markings of other life; a rock may have the shelled form of CrabmonÆs limbs or a grey tree trunk may reveal the frozen face of a forgotten fool who once braved the Darkness. For he also devours independence and identity, assimilating lesser creatures into his world.

There are places within the Dark that bear the marks of his rapacity upon the fabric of space; where a single step may cover many miles of distance or where every path leads in a single direction because every other course has been devoured. And an hour's passage in other places is as days elsewhere, because there he has gnawed at the bones of Time.

And then there are the places where, in his hunger, the Beast has chewed holes in the World. Gray sands begin to slowly fade into the roughness of concrete and asphalt, or the lushness of fresh grass, or the heat of desert sand and the cold of arctic ice. ItÆs said that creatures and men from strange worlds wander there at times and lose themselves in the darkness, for even the great beasts of the Digital World find it difficult to wrest free from these traps.

The Duke himself is not the only one there who hungers. Many of his abyssal servants share his appetites, and they feed on enemies and on unwary travelers with equal glee. Some are swifter than serpents and stronger than tigers. Others are as stealthy as shadows despite their impossibly brilliant plumage. They rarely deem fit to devour merely their victims' lives, preferring to steal their victims' strengths for themselves.

Few see fit to enter the DukeÆs Kingdom who do not also call it home. Even those who revel in darkness and silence seldom join them. For they seek those things for the solace and comfort they bring.

There is no solace or comfort in that Dismal World.

He has devoured that too.

XxXXxX

ôWe shouldnÆt be here.ö Gekomon said.

Gotsumon continued moving regardless.

ôThis is where they said Matsuda Takato vanished to.ö

ôB-but Gotsumon, this is the DukeÆs Territory!ö Gekomon whispered fearfully, as if the mere title would summon its owner.

ôàThe Duke is fighting Lucemon.ö Gotsumon said after a moment. ôAnd he opposes Yggdrasil as well. There are stories about him-ö

ôReally horrifying stories! You heard them too; if he did a tenth of what they say-ö

ôIf heÆd done what those tales say he did, heÆd be Matsuda Takato.ö Gotsumon stated.

ôàYou donÆt thinkà?ö

ôMaybe.ö The rocklike Digimon said. ôAfter allàDukemonàö

ôThen why are we here! What are you thinking; if you suspect he could be the DevilÆs Right Hand, than why the hell do you want to go!?ö

Gotsumon was silent for a moment. Honestly, he wasnÆt sure himself. He didnÆt have any proof that the Duke was Matsuda Takato, but it seemed like a pretty big coincidence for them both to share that name.

Added to the fact that there were rumors that the Right Hand lived in this place.

Gotsumon had heard of Matsuda Takato, of course. He had even seen him once and heard him speak. Back in the days of the Kaiser, everyone had thought him a hero.

And then the Kaiser had fallen and something even worse had taken his place. The things Matsuda Takato and his allies had doneàhis name still brought rage and fear to LucemonÆs enemies. And LucemonÆs alliesà

Well, there was a reason they called him the Right Hand of the Devil. He was worshiped almost as a God would be. HeÆd been called LucemonÆs Son, LucemonÆs General, and LucemonÆs Greatest Triumph. It was said that they were a Trinity; an dark reflection of the Three Angels. Lucemon, Takato, and that unholy beast of Megiddo that had rampaged across the Digital Worldà

Butàif the Duke was Matsuda Takato like he suspectedà

Why?

The Duke fought Lucemon and his armies at every turn. Why would he do that to his master?

There was so much he didnÆt know and nobody who knew would tell him.

Well, he wouldnÆt have the balls to actually ask them in the first place.

But was that all? Was curiosity the only thing motivating him? Was that the reason he came here?

àWhat would he even do if he was right? If the Duke was Matsuda Takato, would he kill him for knowing?

Actually, they really might kill him, just for being here, if those rumors were true.

Why then? Whyàwhy did he come here if it was so likely that he would die?

But then, he supposed that was the draw of Matsuda Takato, wasnÆt it?

A sudden buzzing interrupted his thoughts, but he didnÆt have more than a moment to think about it when a Kuwagamon crashed into the Earth.

ôSup, bitches!ö A boisterous voice suddenly cried. ôWhat the hell are you little pucks doing here!?ö

Gotsumon stared in stunned confusion, for a moment thinking the voice had come from the Kuwagamon.

ôA-ara, Sister, thatÆsàö Another voice began, quickly destroying that theory.

ôWell, its true, isnÆt it!?ö The first voice replied. ôI mean, a Gekomon and a Gotsumon walking into the Boss manÆs territory? TheyÆre either really ballsy or really stupid! Oi!ö

Gotsumon, feeling that the voice was now talking to him, hesitantly replied.

ôY-yes?ö

ôI hope you guys are grateful that we were passing through! If youÆd stumbled upon someone else, yaÆ might have got eaten! Now stand back; IÆm coming down!ö

However, they werenÆt even given a moment to step back before something leapt down from the KuwagamonÆs back and crashed into the ground before. A dust cloud was kicked up by the impact, hiding the new arrival from sight, but that didnÆt keep them from identifying her.

She wasnÆt very subtle.

ôThe great Rosemon has arrived!ö She announced. Even before the dust had faded, a rose garden was growing across the ground.

Gotsumon froze and Gekomon swore behind him.

They knew that name. They knew that Digimon, too, if only by reputation.

Rosemon.

General of the Jungle Troopers.

ôR-Rosemon-sama!ö The two Digimon were quick to fall to one knee, well aware that this Ultimate could crush them in a second if she wanted too.

She seemed pleased at their form of address.

ôYou hear that, sis!?ö She suddenly shouted, turning around. ôMy reputation precedes me!ö

A tired sigh came from above.

ôI think, sister, that you probably just live in infamy.ö It said.

Rosemon pulled a face and turned back to the intruders.

ôSoàwhy are you here? You should probably keep in mind that I might kill you, depending on your answer.ö

Gekomon squeaked, but Gotsumon didnÆt retreat.

ôIÆm looking for Matsuda Takato.ö He said.

He couldnÆt see her eyes, so he couldnÆt be sure, butà

Rosemon seemed surprised.

A moment later, however, she was laughing hard.

ôWell, that explains that.ö She said after calming somewhat, though her voice was still full of mirth. ôIÆd wondered if you were brave or stupid, butàwithout a doubt, youÆre an idiot.ö

All amusement faded from her in an instant.

ôIf youÆd told the Duke that name, he might have killed you.ö She stated, matter-of-factly. ôAnd just to get to him, you would have needed to tell whichever General is on guard duty which, today, is Mr. Unknown. He would have killed you for sure. IÆd say you were lucky to meet me instead, butàIÆm considering killing you myself.ö

Gotsumon swallowed, but Rosemon didnÆt seem to be paying attention to him. He was well aware why; she was an Ultimate and he was a Child.

He couldnÆt run.

He sure as hell couldnÆt fight.

If she wanted him to die, heÆd die.

ôButàö Rosemon continued. ôThe reason they react so violently is because so many people have tried doing something stupid to the Boss. And even those idiots were smart enough to know that a Child and a pathetic Adult wouldnÆt be able to do anything to himàAre you just that stupid, or are you here for something else?ö

ôIàö Gotsumon wasnÆt sure what to say and he kicked himself for that; in this moment, what he said and didnÆt say could decide whether he lived or died.

But even he didnÆt know why he was here.

ôIàwas rescued onceàby Matsuda Takato. Back in the days of the Kaiser.ö He tried.

ôA new recruit?ö Rosemon wondered. ôIs that it? You want to join our side?ö

ôNo.ö He denied immediately. ôYou should know, right? The story of Matsuda Takatoàö

Rosemon fell silent at that.

ôI donÆt know why IÆm here.ö Gotsumon admitted after a moment of silence. ôI heard rumors of Matsuda Takato being hereàand I came in after him. What would I do if I found himà?ö

He was asking himself, rather than Rosemon.

ôHe probably wouldnÆt remember me.ö He continued. ôAndàIÆm not sure if I want him to. I couldnÆt defeat Matsuda Takato when his partner was a Child; I canÆt beat him now. ButàI donÆt want to defeat him, either. Whyàdid I come here?ö

Rosemon was silent for a moment before she let out a quiet chuckle.

ôWho knows?ö She said, sounding as if she were reminiscing. ôMaybe itÆs just becauseàhe is Matsuda Takato.ö

If he could have seen her eyes, he was sure they would have been closed.

ôàLeave.ö She said. ôBoth of you should go. I wonÆt chase you, but others might. This isnÆt a place for you.ö

Gotsumon hesitated, but Rosemon frowned at him.

He nodded and bowed.

ôThank you, Rosemon-sama.ö Gekomon said, already stepping back.

Another new voice cut off their retreat almost instantly.

ôOi, Rosemonàwhat the hell do you think youÆre doing?ö

RosemonÆs face twisted in distaste even as they looked for the source.

ôYou.ö She said, as if spitting something foul out of her mouth.

Minervamon had the impudence to smirk as she walked into the light.

ôHeÆs not gonna be happy with this~ö She sang.

That got RosemonÆs hackles up.

ôOi, donÆt presume to know him!ö She snarled. ôI was here long before you came along!ö

The OlympianÆs smile twisted into a scowl.

ôThen we can ask him, as soon as I kill both of them.ö She proposed, sword appearing in her hands.

RosemonÆs rapier flickered into existence with a flash of lightning.

ôI said I was going to let them go. Are you going to make me a liar?ö Rosemon asked with a sweet voice.

But the thorns on this rose were easy to see.

For a moment, Gekomon and Gotsumon were frozen in place by the flared power of the two Ultimate Level Digimon.

Battle seemed inevitable.

And then a voice cut in.

ôPlay nice, girls.ö Matsuda Takato said.
 

sytang

Well-Known Member
#34
She purposed, sword appearing in her hands.
I think "purposed" is supposed to be "proposed"

--
Hmm, another Ultimate appears, but isn't mentioned by name. All we know is that she's female and has a sword...

The only one I can think of is Minervamon.
 

LORD_ARM

Well-Known Member
#35
I like it what you have so far but the last part with Rosemon "ally" didn't really seem that right. I know you are trying to keep her I.D. unknown but instead it more feel like you just deleted her name from some sentences and replace it with "she". You have it being said too many times. The reader will get confuse on who is talking to who.
 
#37
ôOi, Rosemonàwhat the hell do you think youÆre doing

RosemonÆs face twisted in distaste even as they looked for the source.

ôYou.ö She said, as if spitting something foul out of her mouth.
And no has commented on this line why?
 

Coelacanth

Well-Known Member
#38
Master of Squirrel-Fu said:
ôOi, Rosemonàwhat the hell do you think youÆre doing

RosemonÆs face twisted in distaste even as they looked for the source.

ôYou.ö She said, as if spitting something foul out of her mouth.
And no has commented on this line why?
1) That's pretty funny. I can't believe I missed that.

2) Fuck you. Several days of no posts and here I thought we were getting a double update. :spank:
 
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