Die Hard (Comics Adaptation!)

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I'm a huge fan of the Die Hard franchise (Bruce Willis) and wanted to offer up this post-retirement comics adaptation, a pre-original (1988) year-one story finding John McClane dealing with an early case of terrorism back in Manhattan...before the Nakatomi incident in LA that began the high-octane series we've come to love, so I hope you like this one. Happy New Year's!



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John McClane, respected young NYPD officer, was assigned to a special case in Manhattan involving a possible heist of a very expensive diamond from Cartier's belonging to a very wealthy Saudi prince living in New York since the 1980s. Officer McClane suspected foul-play, especially since there were rumors of underground ties between the Saudi prince and nefarious druglords and terrorist allies living in North America. However, no one in his right mind would want to steal the diamond belonging to this Saudi prince, because such a heist would surely make national headlines and at least Times headlines. That's just what the Saudi diamond heist did, and McClane wondered if there was a larger conspiracy that had hatched.

JOHN: I'm going to interrogate aristocrats in Manhattan.
POLICE CHIEF: Why, John?
JOHN: I think there's some high-class rings tied to some other larger group.
POLICE CHIEF: Go for it!

John interrogated numerous aristocrats living in Manhattan and discovered that the diamond belonging to the Saudi prince was, in fact, somehow linked to a very precocious if secret-society pursuit of very rare gems from South Africa and Antwerp. Immediately, John wondered if the movement of such valuable and rare gems was somehow tied to the financing of underground initiatives such as terrorist initiatives. Well, in America, the best terrorism group tied to well-known socialites or politicians or aristocrats was, of course, the Irish Republican Army (IRA). That's because the IRA had sparse but certain sympathizers in North America and the USA, since America harbored many empathetic Irish-Catholic citizens reading about and getting involved with politics regarding the timeless troubles between Protestants and Catholics living in Northern Ireland.

John decided to stakeout the Cartier's diamond center and museum area after the heist and see who was visiting. After two weeks, he noticed that a small number of people, sharply-dressed men, were constantly visiting the store and museum. He decided to pull aside one of these suited men the next time he saw one of them, by the alley next to the store and museum building. When he did, the man pulled out a knife hidden in his shoe-sole and tried to stab John in the eyes. John reacted with lightning reflex and grabbed the knife and shoved it into the man's ribs, demanding he give up information regarding his shocking fury at a simply interrogation demand by a respected NYPD officer. The suited man kept bleeding, so John decided to stick the knife gently but surely into his ribs deeper, and then the man gave up the info John McClane wanted.

MCCLANE: The diamond was stolen by Irish terrorists, chief.
POLICE CHIEF: Why?
MCCLANE: Apparently, they're hijacking underground financing.
POLICE CHIEF: Why the Saudi prince?
MCCLANE: The Irish terrorists want attention drawn away from Israel-Palestine.

John decided to use the arrested suited man from the alley engagement to identify and track the other IRA members involved with the Saudi diamond heist from Cartier's in Manhattan. He tracked them to their temporary Manhattan loft and broke in and hid in their closet. When two others arrived, they began talking about using the Saudi diamond heist to create press in the UK about corrupt Middle Eastern investments bringing too much attention to Israel-Palestine and not enough to the troubles with Protestants-Catholics in Belfast. John leaped out of the closet with his miniature self-assembling machine-gun and sprayed one of the two men in the loft with bullets, right at his head. He then tied up the other one for further interrogation. This was high-stakes NYPD work for the young McClane, but this was the job, as ugly as it really was!

MCCLANE: What the hell are you doing in America?
IRA: You must've heard us, American cop!
MCCLANE: I don't care what I heard.
IRA: We're destabilizing Israel-Palestine finances.
MCCLANE: Why?
IRA: Israel-Palestine has become too capital.
MCCLANE: What?
IRA: We need more Western eyes on the United Kingom, cop.
MCCLANE: So why harass Manhattanites, scumbag?
IRA: If no one does anything about this black money, it'll be dark!
MCCLANE: Dark?
IRA: No one cares about Protestant-Catholic troubles, cop.
MCCLANE: So, you'll make them care with diamond theft and American terror?
IRA: It's better than pure neglect by the United Nations, no?
MCCLANE: No, terrorism isn't addressed by more crime, especially in America.
IRA: Spoken like a good tin cop, cop.
MCCLANE: Haha, very funny, but not as funny as your time in jail in America!
IRA: Well, we Irish brothers and sisters'd rather languish in jail than on the street.
MCCLANE: I bet.
IRA: You're Irish by descent too, though, no?
MCCLANE: Yeah, maybe, guessed from my name, right, so what?
IRA: Well, don't you think Protestant-Catholic rifts are as heavy as Israel-Palestine?
MCCLANE: Well, if I did, I wouldn't steal gems from Saudi royals to make trouble.
IRA: This isn't trouble cop...it's Irish retribution for bad media and press for generations!
MCCLANE: Tell it to your lawyer, scumbag.
IRA: Thanks for your vote of American confidence, McClane.
MCCLANE: Yeah, maybe I'll visit you in Derry or Liverpool!
IRA: Don't underestimate the burden of capitalism in America.
MCCLANE: Right.

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)


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