Don't Mind If I Do!

Lord Raa

Exporter of Juice Tins
#1
Something. I don't have the energy to even pretend that this isn't complete shit.

I do however, still have the energy to pretend that it isn't complete and utter shit.
 

Lord Raa

Exporter of Juice Tins
#2
          
 

Prince Charon

Well-Known Member
#3
Interesting start, de gozaru.

I look forward to seeing moar of it.
 

jaredstar

Well-Known Member
#4
as do i Motoko is one of my favorite hina girls
i would hardly call what i read crap. Its not Shakespeare but then what these days is.
 

EagleCeres

Well-Known Member
#5
I'm enjoying this very much, and as a fervent KeixMotoko shipper,
I officially submit my request for MOAR!

As I started reading, I thought that this was an alternative to the Burning Blades arc (not a bad thing, good segue piece for Motoko development); but as I continued reading and picking up on subtle and not so subtle nuances, I noticed you tossed all that "established canon/fanon" out the window and made it your own. Kudos on that.

I like your take on Tsuruko for this story, more understanding, more open minded, more visibly caring toward Motoko, but still a bit of a hardass when she has to be. While she does have moments of your (now) classic Pervert!Tsuruko, she's not just doing it for the lulz (this time).

Motoko seems to be experiencing some growth, or at least understanding the graveness of the actions that got her (and Kei) into this situation. Keitaro's words that evening may have pushed her into seeing him in a different (more attractive?) light. The question here is... since she's already engaged, will she work on getting the engagement undone or will she accept it and find her place beside Keitaro (even going officially/publicly vs the other Hina girls)?.

Keitaro, not the complete klutz most writers peg him for. Sure he still has his head in the clouds for Toudai and the Promise Girl. His reading up on marriage/engagement law shows that he is trying to get out of the situation, but his subconscious might be starting to consider the Motoko route. With Motoko seeming to be a bit interested in him (and not because of the seppuku clause in their engagement), and even Kitsune checking in and telling him something along the lines of "he ain't half bad", he might gain the confidence he needs to try out the engagement, resolve things with Naru/Mutsumi... or at least generate lulz trying while trying to set things straight.


How do you do those seamless mood shifts Raa?
One moment I was completely focused on the burgeoning drama and then the well timed one liner had me almost laughing out my liquid screwdriver (Vodka+OJ) though my nose... yes I found those moments THAT hillarious. :snigger:
 

T.L

Well-Known Member
#6
Interesting beginning,
I like the way Hakura sums up the promise girl situation.
Short to the point and dismissive.(Time to move on sport)
I will reiterate, I seem to enjoy your Tsuruko characterization no matter what the situation is.
Swingers :rofl: :wub: :wub: :wub:
 

Lord Raa

Exporter of Juice Tins
#7
          
 

EagleCeres

Well-Known Member
#8
Interesting temporary insertion of another FiancÚ for Motoko... definetly a good spin on what we've seen before (coming from a certain kendoka? :p )

And Haruka's Mama Bear tendencies was a pleasant shock to see. I never really pegged her to be that protective of her cousin/nephew.

Looks like a solid segue into incoming nervous couple type shenanigans, and with both Haruka and Tsuruko supporting the pairing, lulz will be had once the rest of the Hinata residents find out about the engagement. :snigger:

More whenever you can Sir!
 

T.L

Well-Known Member
#9
And with that the crowd starts baying for More.
A Tatewaki Kuno wanabe could give you plenty to work with without the normal Kuno issues.
Would be nice to see the Aoyama elders keep pushing their preferred candidate and the sisters pushing for Keitaro.
Haruka :D
Nice work
T.L
 

Antimatter

Well-Known Member
#10
Why do I think this was just her sister trolling her? After all, what are the odds she suddenly finds out about the engagement, and he just happens to show up the next day, during a team when she knew though would try something to get out of this?
 

DhampyrX2

Well-Known Member
#11
Antimatter said:
Why do I think this was just her sister trolling her? After all, what are the odds she suddenly finds out about the engagement, and he just happens to show up the next day, during a team when she knew though would try something to get out of this?
I could really see Tsuruko pulling that one for her own amusement. Maybe the Kuno knockoff works as an apprentice devil-hunter with her husband or something and is doing his master a solid. Either way this is all in the scope of Tsuruko's scenario.
 

marthf1

Well-Known Member
#12
Lord Raa's Tsuruko never stops being hilarious. Her running thoughts in this story are just so amusing.
 

T.L

Well-Known Member
#14
:wub:
Molest me do time ?
Can't wait for Naru's reaction.
 

ThreadWeaver

Well-Known Member
#15
Without Remorse said:
:wub:
Molest me do time ?
Can't wait for Naru's reaction.
Indeed. Her reaction would certainly be explosive. Of course, having two sword-mistresses batting for Keitaro may deflate her reaction a bit.

Very amusing story so far. I'm looking forward to more.
 

Antimatter

Well-Known Member
#16
Without Remorse said:
:wub:
Molest me do time ?
Can't wait for Naru's reaction.
I'm actually hoping Motoko puts her foot down and tells her sister hands off her man.

Why? Because like hell she's gonna let him sleep around on her, even if they have only been engaged for a day. It seemed to give her some real problems when she found out her sister was a swinger. Can't see her being okay with her fiance doing it.
 

Lord Raa

Exporter of Juice Tins
#17
Antimatter said:
Without Remorse said:
:wub:
Molest me do time ?
Can't wait for Naru's reaction.
I'm actually hoping Motoko puts her foot down and tells her sister hands off her man.

Why? Because like hell she's gonna let him sleep around on her, even if they have only been engaged for a day. It seemed to give her some real problems when she found out her sister was a swinger. Can't see her being okay with her fiance doing it.
>> Implying that Keitaro will have much say on the matter.
 

ThreadWeaver

Well-Known Member
#18
Lord Raa said:
>> Implying that Keitaro will have much say on the matter.
Probably correct there...

Of course, I half expected Keitaro to think about the absurd dowry request, stand up like Kuno and say, "Then all of them! I must have the ladies at the Sou! That's my request!" Of course thinking that they would never agree, only to have all of them pile on board except Naru. A Keitaro in an unwanted harem might be new...

Of course we're back to the "it's not like he may have a whole lot of choice in the matter" thing. Hmmm... pretty much canon for Love Hina come to think about it.
 

Antimatter

Well-Known Member
#19
ThreadWeaver said:
Lord Raa said:
>> Implying that Keitaro will have much say on the matter.
Probably correct there...

Of course, I half expected Keitaro to think about the absurd dowry request, stand up like Kuno and say, "Then all of them! I must have the ladies at the Sou! That's my request!" Of course thinking that they would never agree, only to have all of them pile on board except Naru. A Keitaro in an unwanted harem might be new...

Of course we're back to the "it's not like he may have a whole lot of choice in the matter" thing. Hmmm... pretty much canon for Love Hina come to think about it.
Well, in terms of burn up blade maybe, but otherwise, none of the girls were ever forced to be with him. Hell, Naru spent most of the manga running away form that idea.
 

EagleCeres

Well-Known Member
#20
Speaking of the Hina Girls... I wonder what their reactions will be to the Kendoka and the Ronin getting engaged "out of the blue"? Since Motoko's been playing manhater, and Keitaro's been branded the local perv, one would think they get along like oil and water.

Also, what would Motoko do to officially/publically stake her claim Kei?
I mean besides the Meido outfit, trying to dress more feminine, encourage him to invite her out on dates... tell him he's only allowed to perv out on her (as per Tsuruko's instructions/tutoring :snigger: )

On the other side, what will Kei do to try to become "a more proper/fitting" fiancÚ for Motoko. With the (temporary, yet unwanted) appearance of a rival for her affection/attentions, he might want to step it up his game and get into her good graces (again, as per Tsuruko and maybe Haruka's tutoring? :evil: )
 

nick012000

Well-Known Member
#21
You know, my reaction to their whole "outrageous dowry" scheme was "why don't they just get married, and then immediately head over to the local Family Court for a divorce", but with the whole arranged-marriage/rival thing, you answered that one well enough.
 

DhampyrX2

Well-Known Member
#23
Because once she has a ring on her finger Motoko will want her Snuu Snuu.
 

Antimatter

Well-Known Member
#24
DhampyrX2 said:
Because once she has a ring on her finger Motoko will want her Snuu Snuu.
Atually, i'm wondering how they will try to get closer to each other over the short term. I can't see them immediately jumping into bed, but instead trying to take it a bit slower.
 

ThreadWeaver

Well-Known Member
#25
Antimatter said:
DhampyrX2 said:
Because once she has a ring on her finger Motoko will want her Snuu Snuu.
Atually, i'm wondering how they will try to get closer to each other over the short term. I can't see them immediately jumping into bed, but instead trying to take it a bit slower.
Depends on how "Forgiving" she will be of him "tripping up" around her. In this I mean will she beat the crap out of him for tripping and groping her or seeing her panties, or will she act "offended" in front of the others but secretly relish the contact? If she doesn't mind it so much, they could probably get closer relatively quickly. This is not to say she couldn't guide him towards less clumsy but more... beneficial... maneuvers over time.
 
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