Akamatsuverse Fallen Blade Chapter 3

[SimmyC]

What you're seeing is not a mirage. This is the start of Fallen Blade Chapter 3. Work in progress so expect mistakes.

In case you've forgotten what fic this is.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2894154/1/Fallen_Blade

I wanted to address a few things about characterization before I continued with this chapter that a reviewer brought up on MediaMiner. I didn't feel like repeating it here, so I'll just give you a rundown.

I didn't want say, Motoko or Keitaro running away since, IMO, that would lead to a more tragic ending. I'm not saying I went an OOC route, just another route that they could have taken while keeping IC. Not to mention, where exactly will they go? Though a recent chapter has gotten me an idea of where she 'could' have gone too, and might have if a certain event didn't take place... in this chapter. ^_^

Kitsune drinking? Yeah, logically speaking, Kitsune shouldn't be drinking since this was what caused all this in the first place. But, I was thinking, she wasn't thinking logically. And wanting to escape from this new reality, she turned to the one thing she knew.

Haruka? Well, on one hand, I didn't want to give her too much emotion that she seemed to almost never show in the manga/anime. But at the same time, I didn't think her joking like "So Keitaro finally got lucky. Did he at least use condoms?" was the route I wanted to go. So I acknowledge her reasoning in the previous chapter. And, believe it or not, despite it's length, in hindsight, wished I expanded it. :unsure:

And finally, Su, Shinobu, and Sarah wanting to help Keitaro. I agree. Problem here? They are still in the dark on the matter. And even if they are mature enough to understand what happened, none of the people in the know would allow them to hear it.

Hinata Sou

ôWaaaaaa!ö Shinobu whined in frustration. ôWhy canÆt I say anything to Sempai!ö

Breakfast was over, the dishes have all been cleaned and put away, mainly by Keitaro, and everyone went back to their respected rooms. At least, the ones that were there. Notably absent at breakfast were Motoko and the new guest. Something that had been going on for quite a while now.

And even Shinobu believed, for far too long.

ôWhy canÆt I talk to Sempai? HeÆs in so much pain.ö Shinobu cried out as a tear threatened to fall from her eye. ôWhat happened that night? Why wonÆt anyone tell me?ö

The only thing she knew and presumed about that night was that something horrible happened that night. Yet that was all she knew about that night. Every time she confronted Kitsune about it, she usually waved it off and went back into doing whatever she was doing. Mainly, hiding in her room and drinking. Haruka refused to tell her anything either. When Shinobu asked her what had happened, she dodged the question and simply said ôDonÆt worry. Everything will be all be right in the end.ö She did not even bother asking Motoko or Keitaro about it. Motoko, who seemed to be shutting herself off from the rest of the world. Something Shinobu did not want to see either. However, while she knew Motoko was suffering, it did not appear to be at the same extent as Keitaro. Most of the time when Keitaro caught Shinobu looking at him, it was not hard for her to see right through it. KeitaroÆs smile hid something. Something very deep and painful. No matter how much work he does, or how much he tried to reassure everyone that he was fine, no one could be blind to the deep wound that he had been inflicted with.

And so far, no one seemed to have the courage to help him heal it. She herself did not have the courage, and she knew it.

æNaru is still in Kyoto.Æ Shinobu thought as noted the currently missing resident. A resident Shinobu was certain was still blissfully unaware of what had transpired while she was away. ôI bet if she was here, everything will be alright. She can help fix this situation!ö

However, just as soon as Shinobu said those words, for some reason, they seemed very hollow to her. She was not sure that even Naru could help Keitaro at this junction.

The only other person Shinobu could think of that might help lift the thick mood of the place was, ironically, probably the same person that as far as she knew, caused all this. Tsuruko or something. She knew she was Motoko sister. But not much else. Heck, she was still unsure how she played in all of this.

ôBut I have to do something.ö Shinobu whispered to herself. ôI mean, if no one else was willing to do something, than Ià Ià Ià I should do it!ö

ôLittle girl?ö

ôEEK!ö Shinobu, forced out of her musing, spun around and confronted the source of the voice. She gazed up at the much taller and older kimono wearing woman in front of her. ôAà Aà Aà Aoyama-sama?ö

ôIæm sorry, did I disturb you.ö Tsuruko said in a low almost quiet tone.

ôNà nà not at all! Aoyama-sama.ö Shinobu quickly let out. ôI was just, justà um, doing a little cleaning! ThatÆs all!ö

ôI see.ö Tsuruko nodded. ôAndà please, you donÆt have to be so formal. Ià I donÆt think I deserve it.ö

ôNo! I anooàö Shinobu looked left and then right to see if anyone else was with her. She was extremely uncomfortable being next to the older woman. While she did hold any grudge against her, or even hated her like some of the other residents, she also did not expect her to be addressed by her in any circumstance. ôUm, anoà umà is there something I can do?ö Shinobu finally asked after much consternation.

ôI was just wondering ifàö Tsuruko hesitated before she continued. ôIf youÆve seen Motoko recently.ö

ôMoà toà ko?ö Shinobu blinked. ôIsnÆt sheà in her room?ö

ôI just checked from there.ö Tsuruko said as she eyed the staircase. ôShe wasnÆt there.ö

ôAnooàö Shinobu shifted her focus from doorway, window, and to another doorway before she answered. ôMaybe she is on the room training?ö

Tsuruko shook her head again. ôIà I checked there as well. It was empty when I got there. Besides Ià donÆt think she would be training anytime soon.ö

ôàö Shinobu contemplated on where the resident kendo girl would be. ôAnoà maybeà sheÆs umàö

Tsuruko shook her head before Shinobu finished. ôI was just there. Door was unlocked and no one was in there.ö

That pretty much exhausted all the areas she could be Shinobu surmised. Suddenly, a light bulb turned on in her head as she recalled another area the kendo girl would go. Some place isolated and alone. ôMaybe, sheÆs at the cabin?ö

ôCabin?ö One of TsurukoÆs eyebrow raised at that statement. ôWhere is that?ö

ôAnoàö Shinobu looked out the back window of the Hinata Sou. ôItÆs past the river, towards the mountain by the waterfall.ö Shinobu relayed as best as her memories were of the location of the cabin. ôThere is a small field in the forest. Once you get there, keep going and umàö

ôI got it.ö Tsuruko said as she eyed the doorway next to her. ôThanks for the info. I guess I should be on my way.ö

ôUm, anoàö Shinobu spoke up before the older woman left her presence. This caused said woman to glance back at the younger girl. ôUmà why do you want to find Motoko? Um, anooà why now?ö

ôI just, I just have something to discuss with her.ö Tsuruko quietly answered as her eyes seemed to be concentrating on something in the distance. ôThat is all.ö

ôOh.ö Shinobu shyly answered. ôOkay. Um, ano, um, could you also tell her that, the rest of the residents miss her? When youà see her?ö

ôI will.ö Tsuruko gave a single nod to Shionbu.

ôUmà thank? you.ö Shinobu waved as Tsuruko disappeared through the doorway. Shinobu sighed as she felt that finally, something was going to change. æMaybe things will be better now. Too bad there isnÆt someone for Sempaià exceptà me.Æ Though the last word she thought was small and almost insignificant. She certainly had a hard time trying to convince herself she was the one to do it. æAgain, I wish Naru was here.Æ

Well, I did start it. Didn't say I'd finish it.

Comments are always welcome.

 

[knight_of_ni]

Honestly, Simmy, I wouldn't be too worried about it being OOC; what happens in this fic is vastly outside the realms of what happened in LH canon, so things are expected to stretch quite a bit.

I am looking forward to seeing just what you have planned....

I, also, don't see anything that needs fixing from a plot perspective, everything looks good.

While she did hold any grudge against her,

that should be "did not" or "didn't," you may also want to change that from "any" to "a"

ôMaybe she is on the room training?ö

That should be "roof" not "room"

Besides Ià donÆt think she would be training anytime soon.ö

That should probably be "will" not "would," that or you could try "didn't" instead of "don't"

Those are all that I could catch, granted my grammar sucks.

 

[PCHeintz72]

I was going to hold off on commenting until another snippet, but figured why wait.

One thing that you should make clear is that this is either a flashback, or how much time prior to ending events in the prior chapter, as it is a bit jarring, I was expecting it to have started on an interruption to the killing, not this.

I'm assuming a further snippet would have cleared it up, but figured I'd mention it as a concern.

Still nice to see it continued.

 

[EagleCeres]

Great to read more from you Simmy!

The serious tone fits quite nicely, all this drama seems to be building up in and expectations are rising. While I may have a few thoughts on where you are taking this, I'll wait to see how it unfolds.

"Waaaaaa!ö Shinobu whined in frustration.

Shouldn't that be her trademark "Auuuuuuu!" ?

Hope to read more soon~!

 

[knight_of_ni]

I was going to hold off on commenting until another snippet, but figured why wait.

One thing that you should make clear is that this is either a flashback, or how much time prior to ending events in the prior chapter, as it is a bit jarring, I was expecting it to have started on an interruption to the killing, not this.

I'm assuming a further snippet would have cleared it up, but figured I'd mention it as a concern.

Still nice to see it continued.

I assumed that Tsuruko is going to get Motoko to be her second....I think that's the word for it.

The person who cuts off their head while they stab themselves during the suicide.

 

[Prince Charon]

I was going to hold off on commenting until another snippet, but figured why wait.

One thing that you should make clear is that this is either a flashback, or how much time prior to ending events in the prior chapter, as it is a bit jarring, I was expecting it to have started on an interruption to the killing, not this.

I'm assuming a further snippet would have cleared it up, but figured I'd mention it as a concern.

Still nice to see it continued.

I assumed that Tsuruko is going to get Motoko to be her second....I think that's the word for it.

The person who cuts off their head while they stab themselves during the suicide.

I think the word you're looking for is 'kaishoku'.

 

[SimmyC]

I was going to hold off on commenting until another snippet, but figured why wait.

One thing that you should make clear is that this is either a flashback, or how much time prior to ending events in the prior chapter, as it is a bit jarring, I was expecting it to have started on an interruption to the killing, not this.

I'm assuming a further snippet would have cleared it up, but figured I'd mention it as a concern.

Still nice to see it continued.

Huh? Killing? :unsure:

This was supposed to be set right after the last chapter when Tsuruko made her decision. After all, at the moment the story is linear.

Ni pretty much assumed correctly what Tsuruko wanted. She isn't simply going to 'off' herself alone. Tsuruko is a kendoist, I imagine that when she commits Seppuku, it would be the full ritual. Not an individual thing. I'll explain later in this chapter but yeah. The ritual, besides taking time to prepare for that event, involves the individual to give themselves a mortal (but not yet fatal) wound (slicing up their stomach), and then a second individual, the kaishakunin, to cut their head off as a way to end their suffering.

It was supposed to be revealed later but hey, if you google Seppuku, you'd find out about more details about the ritual too.

 

[Hedge2313]

I thought the second was only to decapitate the person committing suicide if they were to weak to move the blade into their ribcage and finish the job. Also seppuku is only for males, there is a different word for females.

 

[nuclear death frog]

Women aren't supposed to commit seppuku at all, technically. At least not traditionally speaking. Seppuku was men-only, and generally speaking, samurai-only.

There's a different suicide ceremony for women; it's called jigai and it's basically kneeling and then cutting your own jugular vein with a tanto.

 

[SimmyC]

True. Woman are not supposed to commit Seppuku period. Traditionally speaking, it was men only.

Of course, tradition does go partly by the wayside a bit when it concerns Love Hina. After all, women are NOT supposed to pick up the sword either. True, we see it in anime a lot. But anime is just that. Fiction. Doesn't mean there are not real life examples of female Samurai (there are AFAIK). But in general, real Japan is a male driven society. Was, and to a lesser extent, still is. And when people talk about Samurai, it's usually males.

Which goes back to Tsuruko and Motoko's thing. Jigai is primarily done by say, the housewife of a Samurai (might be done with lower class females too. But if that's the case, this is where my research fails). And why I don't think Motoko or Tsuruko would be doing it. Like the fact that we have females here that have picked up the sword in the first place, I'm sure they would wave off the more traditional 'feminine' suicide to the more 'masculine' one. If you look at suicide in those terms. :unsure:

 

[Fatuous One]

Tomoe Gozen : Onna bugeisha.

 

[SimmyC]

Thanks F1. So there are FEW examples of Female Samurai. And noted by wiki, VERY RARE examples at that.

Which brings the discussion back to Seppuku and Jigai and why I choose the earlier and not the latter. Even if you look at the Aoyama family has being an utra traditional family, the mere fact that they are women holding the sword changes things ever so slightly. In this case, what suicide method they'd use.

 

[PCHeintz72]

Thanks F1. So there are FEW examples of Female Samurai. And noted by wiki, VERY RARE examples at that.

Which brings the discussion back to Seppuku and Jigai and why I choose the earlier and not the latter. Even if you look at the Aoyama family has being an utra traditional family, the mere fact that they are women holding the sword changes things ever so slightly. In this case, what suicide method they'd use.

I remember reading somewhere the person portraid in Tsukikage Ran was supposedly based on a real life person, though I never bothered checking into it.

 

[ThreadWeaver]

Looks good. My only comment would be that "ano" is generally accepted to be the Japanese equivalent of "Um" or "er." Using them together repeatedly seems painfully redundant.

Usually Shinobu, when confronted with an uncomfortable situation, runs and hides. It might be better to portray her tension building until she blurts out the location of the cabin and runs for her safe zone, be it the kitchen, or some other task.

 

[SimmyC]

Hmm. I'll think about it.

I mean, in English, it isn't odd to say "Um... um... um... yeah." But I guess that would be different in Japanese.

As for Shinobu running away, that could work. Hmm.

It would also inadvertently add to Tsuruko's belief that she is unwelcome there. Even if that wasn't Shinobu's intention.

 

[marthf1]

I -just- finished reading everything so far; all that comes to mind is: wow, this is dark. It must be miserable knowing somethings just cannot return to the way they were. Although at times I thought it was dragging along on a single train of thought, it goes to show how unexperienced I am with the characters and these feelings. I wonder if anyone beyond Shinobu will contemplate leaving to escape the mood the Hina is encased in, as I think leaving such moods are the reason a few came. After all, it seems no one beyond Tsuruko seems to have recovered enough to be able to attempt rectifying the situation.

A weird thing that happened to me was after Tsuruko's bath, I lost the sense of time.

Erk, I wonder what is going through Motoko's mind... Somehow, I doubt it is like Keitaro's attempt to return to normalcy.

 

[SimmyC]

Necroed! By the author too! :lol:

So, where is the update? Not ready. h43r:

But for those that are concerned, I am writing more of it. Missed my 'one year' update deadline but... well, that would be a miracle if I made it. :lol:

Oh, and I noticed I misread someone's suggestion. Yeah I see what you meant using 'Ano' and 'um' together. I still felt that I over used Ano, but using 'ano' and 'um' together is a double no no.

 

[T.L]

Well some news is better than no news

At least you haven't completely dashed my hopes.