Naruto Fangirls

balthanon

Well-Known Member
#1
Not entirely sure about the title, but this is a one shot that I ended up writing up today instead of working on Anything Goes Laundry Service like I was planning.  I was running through my file of ideas and this one jumped out at me for some reason.  Wrote up a very rough draft on my tablet while lying in bed and then got up and finished it off after breakfast.  I like how it turned out for the most part, but I'm always open to feedback on how my stories can be improved.


No plans to continue this one-- I'm planning on leaving it as a one shot, though if anyone wants to play around in the resulting mess that it leaves in place, feel free. :)  I suspect the idea has been done before (or something like it), but I haven't run across it, so...

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Fangirls
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Sasuke trailed a finger through Sakura's hair and down her neck, following it with gentle kisses in a pattern that felt right to him.  Daring more than he had previously, his hand slipped down the side of his team mate's dress, fingers made dexterous through countless hours of seal practice making short work of the tiny buttons that lined the side of the garment.

As the fabric slid down the pink haired woman's lithe form with only a quick tug, he briefly activated his sharingan to record the sight.  There were very few kunoichi that had bad bodies, but Sakura's was soft curves and shadows in the dim light that inflamed him in ways he hadn't let himself think about in years.

She gave him a coy smile and he returned it, moving forward to capture her mouth in his own, though she quickly pushed him lower.  As he began to explore her body, he heard her... well, cry wasn't quite the right word.  Say?  That didn't quite seem right for how long she had pined after him, but she was definitely at least saying his name. "Oh, Sasuke.  Oh, Sasuke.  Oh!"

He smiled as the last was said with some real passion, that was more how he had imagined this--

"Hey, did you ever learn Naruto's sexy jutsu?"

Blinking, he paused and looked up at Sakura.  "What?"  That, however, was not something he had ever expected to hear in this situation.  "We're in the middle of--  I mean, I did, accidentally, but--"

"Could I see?"  Her voice took on a sultry tone and he tried to reconcile the disconnect that was occurring in his brain.  He had no idea what had prompted this conversation, particularly in the middle of... well, sex.  His first time, in point of fact.  Her voice was doing things to his libido that was reminding him he had basically locked it in a cage for half a decade while his brain was trying to reconcile a random conversation about his rival and his weird original jutsu he created almost as long ago.

The two ideas kind of looped around in his thoughts feeding on each other for a few moments.  Finally, though, it just kind of fritzed out and he stared at her and said, "Now!?"

Blinking, it seemed like she had finally realized what she was asking and she gave him an apologetic, if still sexy, smile.  "Oh!  Right, yes.  Not now, just... give me a second though."

Her eyes closed for a moment and he felt the briefest flicker of chakra, then she opened them partially and turned a half-lidded gaze on him.  "Where were we?"  Her smile was positively predatory and Sasuke's eyes widened as she just about pounced on him.

ooOoo

Nearly ten minutes later, Sasuke collapsed onto his back and stared at the ceiling, breath moderately quickened from the more than pleasant exercise.  He took a moment to castigate himself for putting this off as long as he had and enjoyed the sense of... accomplishment? Fulfillment maybe?

Vengeance quests were all well and good, but the "completion" of each of them had simply left him feeling hollow.  This... this was something altogether more satisfying and he felt a smirk cross his lips.  He was so relieved that he had finally made a decision, chosen from the dozens of fangirls that had resumed throwing themselves at him after he came back to Konoha.

Turning on his side, he let the confidence he was feeling remain and started to ask Sakura if it had been as good for her only to pause.

Sakura was currently upside down, her head and shoulders on the bed while her long, enticing legs were resting upon the wall.  Her hands were currently settled just below her stomach, glowing with the green chakra used in medical jutsu and his eyes abruptly widened in realization.

"Oh, good idea.  I didn't even think of that."  Sasuke breathed out a sigh of relief.  "I want to refound my clan, but we really should marry before--"

"Hmm...?" Sakura interrupted, not actually facing him and continuing to pay careful attention to the procedure she was performing with her chakra.  He couldn't quite make it out without his sharingan active, but he was feeling too lazy to bother with that now.  Though the elegant curve of Sakura's body was beginning to make him stir again.

She finally continued when he didn't say anything else and said, "Oh, no, that's not what I'm doing.  Quite the opposite actually."

Sasuke blinked, his interest in her naked body distracting him enough that he wondered if he had heard that correctly.

"What?"

"Oh, don't be like that."  Sakura gave him a quick exasperated glance, breaking her concentration for a moment.  She quickly turned back to what she was doing.  "It's not like you're usi-- Ahhh, there we go!  Congratulations, Sasuke, you're going to be a father!"

"What?"  Sasuke felt his mouth dry and he couldn't quite get out another word.  Her attention on him completely now, Sakura seemed to realize just how much this was throwing him. He saw her mouthing some of his own words and her eyes widened abruptly on marriage.  He got out one more "What?" and then she turned up a mega-watt smile and poked him in the head, not unlike Itachi used to.

"Got you.  Just kidding on the whole, uh... right."  Her smile flickered briefly as his brain was rebooting, then she bounced to her feet.  He felt his interest start to wax again at the smooth movement by a beautiful naked kunoichi, then she said, "There is, umm, something else I need to do though-- I'll see you later, Sasuke."

She waved and abruptly vanished, presumably a shunshin, though he had heard she was supposedly studying the Hiraishin.  Something he still hadn't picked up unfortunately, despite having seen it dozens of times during that last battle.

A certain body part finished coming to attention and he groaned as he stared at the empty space where Sakura had stood.  Damnit.  Apparently grousing about techniques that couldn't be copied with the sharingan wasn't enough to distract him from the images he had seared into his brain periodically through the encounter.

He felt a need to say "What?" one more time, so he did.  He added a "the hell" to it though, because it deserved a bit more emphasis.

ooOoo

Sighing in relief, Sasuke popped his neck and resettled the case on his back as Konoha came into sight.  Finally home again, not that he had considered this home for a long time, but after almost five straight months of running long term missions he was ready to settle down for a little while and take a break.

When he took a few more steps and Naruto suddenly popped into existence in front of him, he couldn't help but feel a sense of foreboding though.  There was no reason for the Hokage elect to come outside of the gates to meet him-- he wasn't Kakashi, he showed up promptly at the Hokage's tower after his missions.

"Sasuke!"  Naruto waved happily and walked forward to give him a hug, which he evaded deftly.

Eyes narrowing, the last Uchiha said, "What are you doing here, Naruto?"

"Doing?  Uhh... just coming to say, 'Welcome back', you know?"  Naruto's face grew guiltier by the moment and Sasuke took a swipe at him, which he dodged easily.

"Don't give me that, what are you really doing here?"

Naruto's smile grew strained and he said, "Ahh, I might have a missi--"

"No!"  Sasuke interrupted before he could get the word out, glaring.  "For the love of-- why have you been sending me out on non-stop back to back missions?"  He paused for a moment to emphasize his next words.  "Pointless missions, no less."

"Uhh, the missions?  I don't know what you're talking about.  They're urgent and you're the only--"

Sasuke growled and Naruto cut himself off.  "The last one was picking up a new Tora for the Daimyo's wife."

"Uhh, right, crucial, see?  Tora is essential to our ninja brats' development, right?"

"A blind monkey could have done that mission!" Sasuke yelled, throwing up his arms and provoking a hiss from the banded metal container on his back.  The stupid cat had been doing that the entire way back and he was fairly certain the hell beast would maim at least a few genin before it settled into the typical capture and escape program.

Naruto looked hurt.  Or perhaps constipated.  "Hey, it had 'A' rank pay, right?  We can't just hand out solo missions to just anyone!" he protested.

"Whatever.  I'm done," Sasuke muttered.  He pulled the metal box off of his back and threw it at Naruto, the jinchuriki catching it wrong and ending up with a few more scratches on his cheek as the rabid thing inside took a swipe at his face through the only opening.

Naruto carefully turned the cage around and chased after him as he stalked deliberately towards the gates of Konoha.  "No, wait!"

Doing just that, Sasuke waited until his rival was right on his back and then turned quickly.  "Tsukiyomi!"

Naruto slumped to the ground and the dark haired man let a smirk cross his lips before he turned back to Konoha.  The boy was still way too dependent on his bijuu to break real genjutsu and forgot that the sharingan was powerful enough to put both him and the fox inside his gut into the dream.

Walking in the gates with nary a glance at the two chuunin on watch, he made his way down the streets, frowning to himself as he tried to place what was off about the place.  There was something missing, but he couldn't quite place it.

Stopping in a square, he spun for a few moments and then his eyes widened.  The fangirls-- they were gone.  He had been in the village for at least ten minutes now and he had yet to have a single girl jump out at him and try to convince him to go on a date.

"Well, that's not unwelcome, I guess," he muttered to himself.  A little unexpected, but maybe Sakura had scared them off now that they were a couple.  Even if he hadn't had a chance to talk to her since that night.  He had wished for something like that for years now.  Nodding to himself, he resumed walking.

As he was passing Interrogation, the "T" in "T&I" having been outlawed by Naruto shortly after he started taking on responsibilities from Tsunade, he caught sight of a head of pink hair near the door and almost smiled.  Breaking into a jog, he called out, "Sakura!"

His movement came to an abrupt halt as she turned though and he barely noticed the wide eyes and panicked expression on her face as his eyes came to rest on the swell of her stomach.  She was very clearly pregnant and his reaction was not unlike the last one she had provoked from him.

"What the hell!"

"Sasuke!?"  One of Sakura's hands came up to clap over her mouth briefly before dropping again to rest on her belly and he noticed a picnic basket in her other hand just as a voice called out from inside the building they were standing before.

"Sakura!  You came to take me to lunch?  That's so sweet!"  Another girl that he was more than familiar with bounced out of the door to the interrogation building and his mouth gaped as Ino jumped on Sakura, her hands going behind the pink haired girl's and pulling her in for a remarkably thorough kiss.

The two girls who absolutely hated one another when he had first left Konoha making out in the middle of the street would have been enough to floor him, but he thought he could have controlled his expression at least.  No, what was jaw dropping was the fact that Ino was also visibly pregnant and the two were clearly more than familiar with how to maneuver around that limitation.

As the blonde let Sakura go, almost needing to hold up the other girl, his team mate said, "Uhh, Ino, Baby..."  She trailed off weakly, then just pointed to Sasuke.

"Oops."  Ino looked guilty for a few moments, but then finally shrugged and said, "Well, it wasn't like we could have really hidden it forever.  Let's get some lunch and we can explain.  I am dying for some pickled herring."

Sasuke almost gagged a little.  Pickled herring?  Really?  He didn't think they even sold the nasty stuff in Konoha, he had only encountered it in Water Country.  

Sakura put her hands on her hips and gave Ino a mock frown.  "My picnic basket isn't good enough for you, hmm?  You are such a little oinker."  This elicited a fond smile from Ino, rather than the typical burst of incendiary rage at Sakura's insult and she leaned forward, resting her forehead against Sakura's as she wrapped her arms around the other girl's waist.

"Forgive me?  I'll eat it all up later, I promise... plus a little something extra."  Her smile widened and Sakura's breathing quickened.  Sasuke shifted uncomfortably as the innuendo and almost visible arousal in the two started quickening his own hormones.  Damn Naruto for sending him on those missions right after...  he coughed loudly, deliberately interrupting the two, and they broke apart with Sakura's cheeks almost as pink as her hair.

Ino on the other hand just gave him a saucy grin and gestured for him to follow as she led the way.

They finally ended up seated in a small restaurant that Sasuke supposed some might call cozy.  It served food from Water primarily, so mostly fish.  He ordered two meals, still hungry from his trip, and then stared as Sakura and Ino both got an additional plate of food on top of that.

He wondered absently whether he had fallen into some alternate dimension or was prey to some supremely powerful genjutsu.  He flicked on his sharingan just in case and even tried a "Kai!", but neither did anything other than cause Sakura and Ino to snicker at him.

"We're both eating for more than one, remember," Sakura said, her smile pleased as she stared down at her belly and then exchanged a look with her partner.

Shaking his head, Sasuke said dryly, "I get that, but what I want to know is... why?  Or how, or...  Please just tell me what is going on."

Sakura began looking guilty again, so Ino started and said, "Well, I suppose we may... have kind of been using you a little."

"Using me..."  Sasuke trailed off, then glanced between the two of them with a frown not unreminiscent of his younger days when he had been considerably more expressive.  Even if what he had been expressing was usually anger.  "You mean when Sakura and I...  so her baby is mine?  And you two were together all the way back then?"

"Umm..."  Sakura looked up sheepishly.  "Actually, both of us are pregnant with your babies."

Sasuke blinked, then looked over at Ino, eyes wide.  "Why don't I remember this?"

"Oh, you didn't sleep with her.  I'm a bit too jealous for that."  Sakura gave Ino a possessive look and laced her fingers into the other woman's before giving her a quick peck on the cheek.  "She, however, is more willing to share and let me go briefly to get this accomplished."

The casual gestures of affection, something he had last really seen in his parents, dictated his next question.  He was curious about how, but he had a bigger question burning at the back of his mind.  "How long?"  He gestured at the two of them and their hands.  "I mean, you've been chasing me forever.  I couldn't escape you."

"Ahh... well, to be honest.  We've been together since before you left the village."  Ino answered the question matter of factly.  Her tone said that they had told this story more than once and he waited for her to continue.  "Truthfully, even while we were in the Academy...  I mean, to be fair, you were really pretty as a little boy.  Long eyelashes, your complexion was perfect, the long bangs... it made us a little confused as we started really growing into puberty.

"And, well, tragic brooding figure is only really interesting for so long, and then you find yourself looking elsewhere.  However, everyone else is still interested so you keep up the illusion... even though it turns out most of the other girls are doing exactly the same thing with friends and rivals.  And by the time it all came out, well, our graduating class was surprisingly monogamous.  When you came back, we were all starting to think long term, how children would work, and well… it was easier to start back up on the chance you would be interested in a quick one night stand."

Sasuke buried his head in his hands and looked up at Sakura who gave him a playful little smile.  "Really?  You're making this up.  Please, please tell me you're making this up."  There was no way he looked that much like a girl when he was younger.  And if he had single-handledly turned a generation of women in the village away from men... well, it was probably just as well he was the strongest ninja in the world.  Possibly excluding Naruto.

Ino shrugged and gave him a rueful smile.  "Nope.  Between one thing and another, a good sixty percent of the girls in our graduating class and a couple before and after found they preferred the company of the gentler sex after crushing on you."

Gentler sex-- a clear euphemism for "someone more likely to stab you while your back is turned so you don't have to deal with the pain of knowing you're going to die" when talking about ninja.  Though Ino seemed to have no problems with stabbing him in the face with her words.

Sixty percent?  Really?

He decided to change the subject.  "So I am going to have two children?"

Ino and Sakura exchanged glances, the furtive, guilty expressions returning and Sakura said, "Well... umm, I am technically pregnant with twins.  Ino wasn't willing to risk her figure that much though and we decided three were enough."

"Three then?"  Sasuke suspected he wasn't going to have a lot of say in how they were raised given that he had never met two more strongly opinionated women, but he would eventually have his own children.  He had always known that repopulating the clan probably wouldn't be something he could do solely with his wife, despite what he had said to Sakura.  "That's... okay, I guess.  I mean, I won't pretend I was expecting this, but... I can deal with three, particularly with my team mate.  I can even forgive--"

"Well..."  The guilty expressions had not faded particularly as he spoke and they actually interrupted his attempt to acknowledge the issues.  He had done a lot worse and been forgiven, he could at least do the same, so why...

As Sakura and Ino tried to screw up the courage to talk, the bell rang on the restaurant door and Sasuke glanced over to see two women he recognized from their graduating class walk in.  Holding hands and laughing.  Both pregnant.

They met his eyes and the laughter faded, then they blanched and promptly turned around to scurry out the door.

"...maybe a few more."  Sakura looked embarrassed and glanced at Ino, but this time her partner was apparently throwing her under the bus.

"Your plan, honey.  I just wanted our own, so this one is all on you."

Sasuke interrupted Sakura's protests.  "How many?"

"Umm... look at it this way, Sasuke, you're well on your way to--"

"How many, Sakura?"

She coughed and he thought he caught a number in there, but it didn't quite sound correct.  So he stared at her.  He had a good stare and she eventually muttered a more audible, "Fourteen."

"What!  Why?  How!?  I mean..."  He trailed off, looking at Sakura in complete disbelief.

She was flustered, but finally took refuge in indignation.  "Well, I mean Uchiha genes are kind of hard to beat, right?  And with your looks and talents, we can be pretty sure that our daughters will not only be beautiful but also have the potential for a rather useful bloodline.  And..."  She coughed again and he only just barely caught the remainder of the sentence as she sped through it.  "...Hinata wouldn't let us have Naruto's, umm, seed."

He narrowed his eyes at her, a dangerous light coming into them, and she hurried on.  "As for how, well, even Tsunade can't beat my chakra control.  It wasn't too difficult to preserve your, umm..."  This time a cough from from Ino caused Sakura to trail off on what she was about to say.

"Too much information, honey."

He finally spoke up, his simmering anger boiling up.  "You know what, I don't even... why the hell would you even try to hide this?  Did you really think I wouldn't notice 14 kids running around with sharingans?"

Sakura blushed.  "Well, the original plan was blaming Itachi, but that was a long time ago and then you reconciled..."  He just stared at her.  They had been planning something like this for over two years.  This was insane.  "...anyway, after you came back to the village, we figured you wouldn't mind that much since you were still talking about repopulating your clan so we just went ahead.  But then you started talking about marriage when we had sex and... Well, this seemed a lot easier. 

"Also possibly safer, given how prone you are to declaring vengeance and trying to wipe out entire populations. We figured we could always blame it on yet another hidden, supposed to be dead Uchiha."

That was fair admittedly. Though... not going behind his back in the first place seemed an even safer option...

For nearly a minute, Sasuke raged against this turn of events in his head.  He had had it all planned out when he selected Sakura.  He had feelings for her, she would make an excellent mother, and her Strength of a Hundred meant that she shouldn't have any problems having a large brood of children.  They were going to have a better marriage than even his parents had had in his dim memories of them and the stability and peace was going to enable a better Uchiha clan going forward.

And now it had all gone to hell.  He finally slumped though, the rage draining away as he stared at Sakura.  He couldn't really get a good head of hate going against her of all people.  Annoyance, frustration, anger maybe, but...

"Screw this."  He stood abruptly.  "I'm going to beat the hell out of Naruto."

Jumping to her feet, Sakura's eyes widened.  "What?  Why?"

"Well, he was at least an accomplice and it's not like I can beat up the mother of my own children."  He clenched a fist, a chidori springing into being around it.  "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a blonde that is going to be dyed a proper Uzumaki red by the time I'm done with him."

ooOoo

Sakura looked over at Ino, then glanced outside when a massive explosion rumbled through the village.  Slumping back down into the booth helplessly, she opened her mouth to say something, then let it close as Ino took her hand.

She smiled wanly at the girl she had loved for nearly five years now.  Their graduating class had turned out to have a surprisingly monogamous and dedicated bent for ninja and it had been rather tough hiding that from parents and peers.  It had come as quite a surprise when they found out they weren't alone in hiding their relationship.

"Well, that went better than I was expecting really."  A smile playing along her lips, Ino laughed and picked up a piece of fish.

Sakura nodded, then scooched over towards the blonde on the bench and snatched the bit of pickled herring from her lips.  She popped it into her own and chewed contentedly.  Snuggling up against her lover as the girl mock growled at her, she said, "It really did, didn't it?"

"How much longer are you running D ranks as punishment by Naruto by the way?"

Sakura sighed, the other women involved had finished out theirs only a couple weeks ago. "Let's just say that our children may well have memories of Mommy carrying Tora around."

"Told you compounding the problem was a bad idea." Ino grinned at the pink haired woman and Sakura scowled at her. She wasn't wrong though. Still, it had made a lot of their close friends and compatriots happy, ultimately helped Sasuke with his goals, and... she was making excuses again. Tsunade's rant about Orochimaru and slippery slopes afterwards had made an impression.

Another explosion rocked the village and a deeper rumbling echoed across Konoha.

"God damnit, Sasuke!  Again?  Why the hell can't you just leave the damn mountain alone!?"  Naruto's voice, though faint, was audible even from within the restaurant and Sakura exchanged another wry glance with Ino.

"Maybe it's just as well Hinata put her foot down on other women having Naruto's babies.  Could you imagine the racket from 14 of them crying at night?"

Her wife laughed, kissed her, and they settled down to complain to each other about Mitsuhiki's running out of peanut butter for the herring again.


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Author's Notes
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So this one pretty much started with the premise that Sasuke can't possibly be that attractive to girls with the whole angsty loner thing going on-- at least not long term.  If that was the case, there had to be something else that was attracting them and keeping them chasing after him.  So my thought was pretty much that with the whole "lone Uchiha" thing, Sasuke is pretty much left with some of the best genes in the entire village.  And no longer has a clan to protect those genes.   For the pragmatic sort of lesbian who wants their children to have the best of everything (and possibly for random women in relationships with less distinguished men), that seems like painting a clear target on your back.  :) 

Sasuke turning half of his generation away from men probably makes this a bit crackish, but I liked the idea nonetheless.

I'm setting this around the time when their generation were about 18 or 19.  Planning out stuff like this might seem rather premature for 16 year olds (which is when it really started being conceptualized), but given the dangers inherent in the ninja profession I figure there's a good chance they think about those things early once they're finally in a relationship.
 

Stormfury

Well-Known Member
#2
cute oneshot, though I'm surprised at the lack of anger at how these women were effectively stealing children from him, with no intention of telling him the truth : /


Played for crack and left as a oneshot is much better then that sort of angst, though.
 

alucard964

Well-Known Member
#3
yeah it was kinda funny at the beginning and the end but the conversation with the three of them left a bad taste in my mouth that shit was just wrong.
 

balthanon

Well-Known Member
#4
Yeah, I apparently need to rework this-- I didn't really let it sit and wrote it in one sitting this morning. It has pretty much universally thrown people though and not in a positive way.
 

Shirotsume

Not The Goddamn @dmin
#5
Which means you have two options: rework it to be something Walter White would be proud of...

Or rework it to be something G.R.R. Martin would be proud of.
 

DIT_grue

Well-Known Member
#6
balthanon said:
Vengeance quests were all well and good, but the "completion" of each of them had simply left him feeling hallow.
hollow

It was obvious Sakura wasn't performing contraception, but the scope of her ambitions surprised me about half as much as it did Sasuke, so that much was well written. ;)
 

balthanon

Well-Known Member
#7
DIT_grue said:
balthanon said:
Vengeance quests were all well and good, but the "completion" of each of them had simply left him feeling hallow.
hollow

It was obvious Sakura wasn't performing contraception, but the scope of her ambitions surprised me about half as much as it did Sasuke, so that much was well written.  ;)
Thanks, the word error is fixed.

Glad that portion of it worked at least. :)

Shirotsume said:
Which means you have two options: rework it to be something Walter White would be proud of...

Or rework it to be something G.R.R. Martin would be proud of.
Tempting...

A few changes made to the story while I was fixing the hallow/hollow error. Not a lot, mainly just tweaks in several places for now. No G.R.R. Martin style revisions yet.
 

ankokudaishogun

Well-Known Member
#8
Stormfury said:
cute oneshot, though I'm surprised at the lack of anger at how these women were effectively stealing children from him, with no intention of telling him the truth : /
I keep expecting a epilogue where the last baby is born and then Sasuke murder all the women involved and get the fuck away with his children.
Sasuke is just too unlikely to take any form of betrayal well
 

balthanon

Well-Known Member
#9
ankokudaishogun said:
Stormfury said:
cute oneshot, though I'm surprised at the lack of anger at how these women were effectively stealing children from him, with no intention of telling him the truth : /
I keep expecting a epilogue  where the last baby is born and then Sasuke murder all the women involved and get the fuck away with his children.
Sasuke is just too unlikely to take any form of betrayal well
I'm trying for a Sasuke that has learned a little from his mistakes (referenced briefly in his thoughts on vengeance quests at the beginning), but I actually reference that in the revisions I made a bit.  Where the main reason they tried to hide it was that they were worried about Sasuke going off the deep end.  Probably still would have been better to at least not help all the other women or ask permission, but that is why Sakura is being punished by Tsunade and Naruto.  (Also revision.)

Sakura in general was working off the easier to beg forgiveness principle, which works in theory but is difficult when dealing with unstable super powerful ninjas.  I expect it is her go to method for Tsunade though, so she's used to dealing with the fall out and figured she could handle it. The other girls were really an 'in for a penny, in for a pound' thing since she had already assured her own pregnancy.

That said, could definitely be something that could have happened.  Even when they were trying to hide it, I don't think they were going to try and keep him out of the children's lives.  Just... reduce his level of crippling emotional attachment by making them distant relatives rather than immediate ones.  :)
 
#10
Yeah, still not seeing it. Can't see Naruto letting it happen behind Sasuke's back, either.

Just using Sasuke's sperm to impregnate Ino, it could work.
Everybody else? Too much of a base betrayal. There wasn't even some kind of high motivation.
The only way it could work is with some kind of accident, error or something leading to the multiple pregnancies.
And even that is stretching it a lot... the first time he trust again somebody, they spermjack him and impregnate a lot of unknown women behind his back?
Do you REALLY think this could end anything else than mass-murder?

Basically, this fic doesn't work. Not even as crack.
 

balthanon

Well-Known Member
#11
The motivation ultimately was that Sakura was seeing this as win/win for both the women who wanted children and Sasuke himself. If Sasuke wants a viable Uchiha clan, he ultimately needs to do something like this anyway. And her original intention was to talk it through with him after their encounter, but then marriage came up (and potential love, which has consequences with Uchiha, particularly when it's one sided from the beginning) and she panicked. (Though possibly not enough panic, since she went through with the rest of the plan anyway.)

This also strengthens the village considerably if they can keep Sasuke from blowing up. So in general the motivations aren't completely selfish.

At this point after the comments this has received I kind of want to see if I can make it work with the core ideas that caused it to fail for so many people (Sasuke not knowing, more than just Sakura and Ino) intact. Elements of it like the extra girls were thrown in initially to increase the shock value, but I'm interested in whether I can craft motivations and characters that can support that. Without it becoming too serious.

On the other side, I honestly can see this ending without mass murder largely because it does end up as a positive for Sasuke if he thinks it through. Naruto will give him that time and the women are ultimately open to him being involved in his children's lives. With his own family, he will have the core of the clan and in a few generations these families can start intermarrying again to keep the sharingan strong.

It's a dispassionate way of thinking about it, but end manga Sasuke strives for that level of detachment.

We'll see.
 
#12
(Though possibly not enough panic, since she went through with the rest of the plan anyway.)
This is the problem.
It's believable(for a crackfic) she could panic and impregnate Ino before talking to Sasuke about the plan.

But then impregnate more than a dozen of women? That doesn't fly.

It wouldn't be the mass pregnancy itself the problem. Hell, given Sasuke's character he could be perfectly fine with artificial insemination instead of banging a number of unknown women.

It's Sakura acting behind his back and telling him nothing FROM THE START. That's just too much out of character.
The only way this can be savaged is through MISUNDERSTANDING happening where only once the deed is done Naruto discovers Sasuke did, in fact, misunderstood Sakura and then sends him on non-stop missions until he thinks a way to tell Sasuke except too much time passes so he then tries to keep Sasuke away fro the length of the pregnancies.


And end-manga Sasuke striving for detachment? It's the reverse! He spent years trying to be as detached as possible(except his hate for Itachi), then he was angry.
End-manga Sasuke went on a REDEMPTION travel. You don't do redemption by being detached.
He was trying to get more emotions than simply HATRED.
 

Stormfury

Well-Known Member
#13
So, ways to rework this I can see:

Play it straight crack. That means instead of using Post Series ages... use post Graduation ages. After all, theres only one living Uchiha left that still lives in Konoha... Cliche-Danzo or someone funnier may have a plan to deal with that! Then you get paranoid Sasuke, who is hiding his precious sperm, until he's finally captured at some point, and ends up having a complete 180 in personality once he got laid. For less squick have an older girl catch him.


Play it angsty-drama. Sasuke, who has had such little to trust and love, finds out the girl he realizes he really does love has been using him as a beard, and just had sex with him solely to steal his kids from him. Even worse, he already KNOWS the path of revenge and hatred won't work well, no matter how much life wants to kick him in the balls again. How does he cope with it? Who was in on and the plan, and who can he still trust? I would think in this version Naruto wouldn't be in on it, and would have his back. This is a pretty shitty thing to do, and I think would end with Sasuke getting custody, because there are probably some pretty strict bloodline-esque rules built into Konoha laws. I say probably because that's not canon outside of the Hyuuga. Sasuke was wronged horribly by the girl he loved (and the girl she loved), but can he be a better man and not go on a murderous rampage over this?


Lastly dark. Dark. DARK. This is a murder spree waiting to happen. He lost his family once, and now someone is trying to steal it from him again? He knew he was a fool for trusting Naruto, and for thinking he loved Sakura. He might not be able to kill Naruto, and both Naruto and Sakura are consumate healers, but he could definitely kill Ino with ease. But that would endanger the kids. Perhaps kidnapping Ino (or both) before childbirth and then making off with the child(ren) and leaving the corpse(s) behind? It would probably end with Naruto killing Sasuke, but at least he'd get his revenge before he went. And really, the majority of his life was spent fixating on revenge, so he'd probably die satisfied at that point.
 

balthanon

Well-Known Member
#14
Angsty-drama definitely isn't my cup of tea. If it is spectacularly well written, I'll read angst, but I can't see myself writing it. Bieh Lao was probably about the closest I'll come to that and it lasted for all of half a chapter or so, if that.

Dark could be fun, but it really wouldn't be the same story at all.

Crack really seems to be where it's at, but going full on post graduation ages would probably get me stoned based on the reception I got on other boards. (The medieval variant, not the type that probably leads to a lot of crack being written in the first place.)

One thing I was playing around with from that angle is having Sakura's plan be to take Sasuke all the way through anger, madness, and hatred through to clarity on the other side. Basically she figures if the problem is small enough, he'll wrap his head around it and trigger a vengeance relapse. So obviously the answer is to pile on as much as she can to make his vengeance center just burn itself out entirely, then she can reveal that it's really not all that bad and this is all that has actually happened. I couldn't really wrap my head around something that bad though, particularly given that his baseline is every living relative being murdered by the person he trusts most in the world.

Basically the ninja version of shock therapy. Convince Naruto that it's the final test of Sasuke integrating himself back into the village successfully.
 
#15
"Shock Therapy" on SASUKE? Hoping it will result in a not-murderhappy Sasuke?
Sakura isn't _THAT_ stupid.

If anything, post-manga the reverse could work: small enough(Ino) and Sasuke could accept it, though it'd take him a lot of effort. Unlikely but possible(especially if Sakura keeps being shared between Sasuke and Ino, to show her feelings weren't fabricated)
Very big, especially very big by design? Not going to work. It's just going to convince Sasuke that everybody lied to him, even Naruto.
 

Stormfury

Well-Known Member
#16
Balthanon: I can't see that "Go so far to make him wrap back around" working, because the sheer dramatic tension from Sasuke's point of view would ruin it.

The reader would be sympathizing with him, not with Sakura. If we get this horrible insane story, and basically him being told to live with it and it isn't actually that bad, it'll just lead to a terrible tense story without any catharsis or relief.

Basically, it would be a Darth Marrs story. Do you really want to write a Darth Marrs story?


Crack is the best angle here i think. So if you don't want to have it with kids... have it be a long term plot that Naruto stumbles onto. Like, this has been going on for years. Sasuke used to have to knock out intruders in his house regularly, traps everywhere, that sort of thing. He had to deal with it in Sound as well, only making him more paranoid.

Once Naruto is in charge, he finds entire intricate schemes in the mission office involving getting Sasuke in certain places at certain times to spring traps. Naruto finds this hilarious. Maybe have it turn out to be the cliche "Danzo's Super Babies of Doom" plan, that once it got started, even after his death it still continues. Naruto figures that Sasuke probably just does need to get laid, and starts trying to land him deliberately in one of the traps.

Actually now that I think about it, I can't tie this anywhere into the whole "stealing sperm" plot without it turning dark immediately. Maybe have Sasuke somehow decide the best way to ensure the Uchiha are never wiped out again is by having kids everywhere, so he starts deliberately falling into all the traps. But either him marrying Sakura, or her stealing his seed... one of those would have to go.
 

Yorae Rasante

Well-Known Member
#17
what is darth marrs? is it from the star wars expanded universe?
 

nixofcyzerra

Well-Known Member
#18
Darth Marrs is an Author. His fics tend to be somewhat... controversial.
 

Stormfury

Well-Known Member
#19
Darth Marrs does not know the meaning of the word Catharsis.

He writes stories with horrible shit constantly happening. It gets worse, and worse, and worse. More shit piles up on the characters you're supposed to empathize with, and not just bad things from their enemies but from everyone.

It never gets better, not even at the end. The end tends to be as dark and loaded as the rest of the story.

Hell I remember one of his older crossovers (a Harry Potter/Star Wars one, that was part of a chain of stories with the same Harry), that looked like it might all work out, only for the end to
have Harry end up decided the real villain behind the villain, a character from the prequel story who ended up being screwed over and deciding that killing Harry would be the best idea, was right. He then basically erased his and her presence from the timeline, and had the timeline basically jerk itself back into star wars canon as if he was never there. It was so goddamn painful to read.

I'm pretty sure he's either been chronically abused his whole life, or is a some variation of socio/psychopath.
 

balthanon

Well-Known Member
#20
Stormfury said:
Balthanon: I can't see that "Go so far to make him wrap back around" working, because the sheer dramatic tension from Sasuke's point of view would ruin it.
Yeah, like I said, I couldn't work it out either. That was just me playing around with crackish ideas.

Stormfury said:
Basically, it would be a Darth Marrs story.  Do you really want to write a Darth Marrs story?
Had (apparently luckily) never read one of these either.

But the answer would certainly be a no based on your later description. ;)

Stormfury said:
Crack is the best angle here i think.  So if you don't want to have it with kids... have it be a long term plot that Naruto stumbles onto.  Like, this has been going on for years.  Sasuke used to have to knock out intruders in his house regularly, traps everywhere, that sort of thing.  He had to deal with it in Sound as well, only making him more paranoid.

Once Naruto is in charge, he finds entire intricate schemes in the mission office involving getting Sasuke in certain places at certain times to spring traps.  Naruto finds this hilarious.  Maybe have it turn out to be the cliche "Danzo's Super Babies of Doom" plan, that once it got started, even after his death it still continues.  Naruto figures that Sasuke probably just does need to get laid, and starts trying to land him deliberately in one of the traps.  
I like a few of these, though I don't necessarily want to go the it's been happening forever route-- I kind of actually like the idea of Naruto deciding that Sasuke needs to get laid. So he goes to Sakura and convinces her that it's a good idea, just one time, really, it's not going to hurt anyone (friends with benefits is a thing he's heard, possibly from Jiraiya, because who knows what kind of stuff that guy filled Naruto's head with on the three year trip)-- mainly because he doesn't know about Ino with the lot of them still hiding things from parents and friends. Or hell, maybe Naruto actually knows about Sakura and Ino and Jiraiya has actually corrupted his world view enough that he thinks any relationship with two women is just ripe for a guy to come in to it.

Maybe have her and Ino joking around about that old plan they had when they were teenagers and what a terrible idea it probably was, even though it would be good for the village and it would solve Sasuke's problems, plus... you know, their own problems and those of their friends. And are we sure it was really so horrible? Yes, it is a terrible idea-- probably. And then Naruto walks in right as they stop talking and starts going on about sleeping with Sasuke, so they think he overheard and he actually convinces Sakura that the plan isn't going to go drastically wrong.

The whole encounter thing happens and she panics, but convinces herself she was probably just blowing things out of proportion or misheard when Ino pretty much laughs at the idea of Sasuke proposing marriage after one date. So they go ahead with the group thing, then Sakura meets up with Sasuke for a training session and he mentions it again. Panic starts building and by the third time he mentions it and asks her out on another date she has to run again.

She charges in on Naruto and tells him that this is all his fault and he needs to help her fix it. So he actually comes up with the hide it from Sasuke plan until they come up with a better idea, which turns out to be way more difficult when he finds out what really happened other than Sasuke falling in love, which turns into... this has gone on too long, he's going to murder us all when he finds out, what if we blame it on some other random Uchiha, which comes round to the story we start in.

(Which also kind of leads back to point anko made awhile back about misunderstandings being involved. I just didn't have one that I liked at that point.)

Maybe do the whole thing in reverse order. So I start with some variant of this piece (either that or Sasuke and Naruto standing on the rubble that is all that is left of the Hokage mountain), then I jump back to the conversation with Ino and Sakura with Naruto butting in, and then jump back to Naruto just deciding that Sasuke needs to get laid, and maybe once more back to Jiraiya teaching Naruto about the facts of life. Then we jump to the epilogue, which is Sasuke as the head of the new Uchiha clan tying things together.

Stormfury said:
Actually now that I think about it, I can't tie this anywhere into the whole "stealing sperm" plot without it turning dark immediately.  Maybe have Sasuke somehow decide the best way to ensure the Uchiha are never wiped out again is by having kids everywhere, so he starts deliberately falling into all the traps.  But either him marrying Sakura, or her stealing his seed... one of those would have to go.
That... certainly sounds like a problem with the story. Did I actually give the impression that Sasuke was married to Sakura? Or are you talking about the little bit about him having decided that Sakura was going to be his wife because he had finally chosen her? I kind of intended to have that sound like Sasuke deciding things for Sakura without getting her input because he was assuming everything was exactly the same as when they were kids.

That could certainly be dropped or modified if so-- I was kind of planning for that to come off as him sounding like a callous jerk who felt he could have anyone he wanted and valuing Sakura in large part for the fact that she could have lots of children. Plus the fact that she was pretty much the only girl he was actually close to other than maybe Karen.
 

Stormfury

Well-Known Member
#21
balthanon said:
Stormfury said:
Actually now that I think about it, I can't tie this anywhere into the whole "stealing sperm" plot without it turning dark immediately.  Maybe have Sasuke somehow decide the best way to ensure the Uchiha are never wiped out again is by having kids everywhere, so he starts deliberately falling into all the traps.  But either him marrying Sakura, or her stealing his seed... one of those would have to go.
That... certainly sounds like a problem with the story.  Did I actually give the impression that Sasuke was married to Sakura?  Or are you talking about the little bit about him having decided that Sakura was going to be his wife because he had finally chosen her?  I kind of intended to have that sound like Sasuke deciding things for Sakura without getting her input because he was assuming everything was exactly the same as when they were kids.

That could certainly be dropped or modified if so-- I was kind of planning for that to come off as him sounding like a callous jerk who felt he could have anyone he wanted and valuing Sakura in large part for the fact that she could have lots of children.  Plus the fact that she was pretty much the only girl he was actually close to other than maybe Karen.
Ah, what I meant here was the concept of Sasuke marrying Sakura would have to go if the sperm stealing thing happened (ie you go that route, it can never end in marriage), not that you were trying to do both in the scene.
 

balthanon

Well-Known Member
#22
Stormfury said:
Ah, what I meant here was the concept of Sasuke marrying Sakura would have to go if the sperm stealing thing happened (ie you go that route, it can never end in marriage), not that you were trying to do both in the scene.
Ahh, yeah.  There was never a chance of Sasuke marrying Sakura from the beginning.  She's firmly in love with Ino at this point.  The mention of it from his side later on was pretty much him upset over the fact that his fantasy perfect life he had scripted out was never happening.
 
#23
Sperm-jack=Sasuke on killing spree.

There is no way around this, except if Ino is the only one and she shares Sakura with Sasuke.
And what about the confession of Sakura at the end of the manga?

More in general, your story is based on Naruto and Sakura having no understanding whatsoever of Sasuke . It just cannot work that way.


It might instead work if _INO_ does the sperm distribution.
Like, Sakura gets Sasuke's sperm then goes with Sasuke on the mission where she gives birth to Salada, while convincing Sasuke sharing her with Ino(possibly with Sasuke misconstruing it as him getting both girls, instead of Sakura getting him and Ino for crack purposes).
Once back, they discover the mass-pregnancy caused by Ino because MISUNDERSTANDINGS.
 

Stormfury

Well-Known Member
#24
ankokudaishogun said:
Sperm-jack=Sasuke on killing spree.

There is no way around this, except if Ino is the only one and she shares Sakura with Sasuke.
And what about the confession of Sakura at the end of the manga?

More in general, your story is based on Naruto and Sakura having no understanding whatsoever of Sasuke . It just cannot work that way.


It might instead work if _INO_ does the sperm distribution.
Like, Sakura gets Sasuke's sperm then goes with Sasuke on the mission where she gives birth to Salada, while convincing Sasuke sharing her with Ino(possibly with Sasuke misconstruing it as him getting both girls, instead of Sakura getting him and Ino for crack purposes).
Once back, they discover the mass-pregnancy caused by Ino because MISUNDERSTANDINGS.
So kinda like how Shiro and Saber are in Rin's Harem, not Saber and Rin being Shiro's harem, eh?

I could kinda see Sasuke being ok with that.  Two new lines of Uchiha descent instead of just one.  Sakura would need to be open about it up front, but at the same time I could see that misunderstanding (Sasuke thinking he has to and then being later relieved that he doesn't have to care about Ino at all), but a mass pregnancy in this case would probably be overboard omake material.
 
#25
Pretty much.

The focal issue of the original idea is Sakura acting behind Sasuke's back, not telling him anything. That simply is not going to work.
Misunderstandings? Sure, that can be fine. Actively choosing to not tell him or flat out lying? Hell, no!


About the Sakura Harem idea, that has a lot of potential. Like, Sasuke not actually knowing about lesbians so when Sakura suggest him the whole thing with Ino he thinks it's another name for threesome or something. And therefore he tries to be as much as a boyfriend\fiancée\whatever toward Ino as much as toward Sakura but Ino isn't interested to he thinks he's completely awkward and inexperienced in everything regarding being romantic, trying even harder. At least until either Naruto or Kakashi explain him.
 
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