Naruto Faulty Segmentation

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The Kyuubi was supposedly split in two equal parts. One part Yin. One part Yang.

In one reality the laws of the universe would allow 9 to be divided in two equal parts quite easily. In another universe the Kyuubi wasn't quite balanced.

In fact all of the odd number tailed bijuu weren't quite balanced.

1 tail for yin and 1 tail for yang. A clean cut separation that by laws of nature required for those of nature chakra, but not those of corrupted chakra.

The ninjen quite happily and easily overbalanced themselves to Yin or Yang, only the greats walking the tight rope, but all doomed to eventually fail.

The Hokage, Madara Uchiha, all perfectly balanced. Just like the two tail and the eight tail.

No wonder Kumo was considered the strongest.

Meanwhile the jinchuuriki of the odd tails tended to be well, quite odd.

The one tailed being a murderous beast, the three tails refusing to acknowledge reality as reality, the five tails worshiping the five elements, the seven tails being obsessed with the seven deadly sins... and well... the less being said about the nine tails the better.

In one reality the gut reaction of the forth would separate the Kyuubi quite cleanly.

In this reality however, it wasn't that simple. In this reality Kurama somehow had four and a half tails. Not Four. Not Five. Not all of yin, or all of yang.

And so when several years later when on a bridge Naruto would first access the foxes chakra it wasn't to a blind rage that the naive ninja fell to. It was well.. so much worse than that.

It was..

It was..

Youth!

A rainbow arched spectacularly a few moments later for Sasuke's to Haku's, and in a moment of Youth there eyes popped open, both with the Sharingan. And unknown to them the ability to tame Fire just as easily as Ice. And so began their song.

 

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Sakura meanwhile had no idea what was going on. One of her teammates had suddenly been wrapped in a green jumpsuit while his orange jacket turned into leg warmers, and her other teammate started to make out with the enemy who for some reason was now an Uchiha. Everything stopped making sense. Everything was outside of her paramaters! How is an AI supposed to function in optimal settings when reality went outside of paramaters?

Still, after a quick reboot after retraining her model she came back online. No, at this time being a support Fan Girl for target Uchiha no longer would aid in Danzo-Sama's best interest. Taking all of what she could observe through her sensors into consideration she made the only logical move left.

Tenzo was the first to release his Wood Android had gone to ground.

Years later no one would understand why a Sakura tree existed in the middle of the bridge, or how it could even exist except for a select few.

Despite everything, Danzo was quite pleased at Sakura's choice. The information she fed him was invaluable. Especially when several months later Kisame and Itachi made there way to Konoha.

Kakashi rejoiced as he somehow gained a brain. The Sakura tree dutifully reported the information to Danzo. Naruto, Sasuke and Haku were sealed inside of the scarecrow for safety, and Zabuza died in a horrible cloud of poisonous gas.

Scarecrows don't breath so of course he would be unaffected. Or was that his mask?

Tenten and Neji had no clue why they were fleeing. After being a ninja for a little more than a year and being in countless life and death situations they learned to listen to their instincts.

And so they were fleeing back to Konoha as fast as they could while keeping an eye out for their teammates.

It wasn't until Might Gai and Lee failed to return a day later that an idea of a feeling trickled into the Hokage's mind.

Had the Youthful corrupter awakened?

In Wave Team Kakashi was soon joined by Gai and Lee. It should have been a reunion of comrades, but something was off with the dynamic duo.

It isn't considered normal to hump a tree right?

While Lee was raping a tree, Gai started the final challenge with his eternal Rival Kakashi.

Winner Take All. Winner Take Naruto.

The challenge?

Pin the tail on the Donky.

It was the one game Kakashi had been holding in reserve. After all, in the game of Pin the tail on the Donky, the one eyed man is King.

It was around this point that Lee opened up the eight gates, and by the power invested in him impregnated the Sakura Tree.

Almost instantly it grew a fruit the size of a grape fruit. In a minute it was the size of a Man.

No, A Woman.

And then the fruit fell to the ground and was submerged half way in it.

The fruit grew into an egg. And the Egg didn't grow anymore since it was a freaking egg.

But the egg did hatch Seven minutes and Seven seconds after being conceived.

And from the egg rose a teenager with three pearly white eyes.

She was hugged by her father and her mother's roots, which took hold of her.

Slowly but surely she tranquilly sunk under the soil.

Hundreds of years in the past a teenage Kaguya clawed here way out of the muck.