First Crush

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

I recently started reading the new Batgirl comics. While I was leery of them given that I hate what they did to Cassandra Cain, I have to admit they're pretty damn good. There's a very Batman Beyond crossed with Buffy the Vampire Slayer feel to it, it's well written and Stepahnie. Kicks. Ass. I liked her a lot and it's good to see her back as a hero in her own right.

And in addition to this, I've enjoyed her interactions with Damian. Damian in general has been turning around as a character for me and him plus Stephanie has been a lot of fun. Mainly in how Damian mocks her and makes fun of her and Steph gives him as good as he gives. So, in the grand tradition of Robins and Batgirls since time began, Damian gets a crush on Stephanie. Hey, he was 10 in his first appearance in 2006 and it's been four years, puberty can hit him even with the weird floating timeline of the DC universe.

So there are a few ways to go about it. Mostly humorous or cracktastic are my choices. Hell, Damian couldn't be WORSE than Stephanie's other love interests, right?

Here's a cracktastic rough draft I RP'd out with The_EroSennin:

*Stephanie Brown, Batgirl and all around ass kicker, was considering her options for dating. Sure, she liked being independent but finding a nice guy to spend time with would be nice too. However, this is Gotham City and dating has always beenà Problematic here*

Stephanie: So, I have a choice between Dick Grayson, who is far too old for me and has WAY too many exes, a crazed lunatic murderer back from the dead, my exe who is probably gay and is carrying on with several women at once, and an adorable little demon child who is too young for me. *sigh* Christ... This is why I miss Cass. It's like every damn man in Gotham is a lunatic or an asshole... Or both.

Dick: Have you considered Metropolis? Jump City?

Tim: I am NOT GAY! Seriously, we have sexual tension still!

Stephanie: You're kidding right? After the crap you pulled? Besides, youÆre engaged, remember?

Tim: Not for real!

Jason: I don't have time for love, I'm still axe crazy. Can I clean my bloody weapons off here?

Dick: Jason, when did you get out of jail?

Jason: When I did YOUR MOM.

Dick: My mom is dead.

Jason: I KNOW.

Damian: I am NOT a demon child! I-IÆd be way better at dating than anyone else here!

Tim: Shut it twerp!

Stephanie: Sad to say, heÆs probably right.

Tim: HEY!

Alfred: If I may suggest, Miss Brown? Rather than actively dating, perhaps you could show young Damian how to date?

Stephanie: ... Wait, what?

Alfred: He is getting to be that age, and there are few other women I would ask to help him relate to women.

Damian: I am in total agreement.

Alfred: And I don't think you want him to learn from his mother or grandfather...

Stephanie: Eugh.

Damian: Dick isnÆt all that great of a role model, either.

Dick: Hey! I almost got married! ... A few times!

Damian: ....

Alfred: Master Tim is also a poor role model in romance.

Tim: I am SO not! Come on Stephanie, letÆs get back together! IÆll do you against a chimney like old times!

Stephanie: Go to hell, Tim.

Damian: Try it and die, Drake.

Alfred: And Master Jasonà

Jason: *obsessively compulsively cleaning his guns* à What?

Alfred: Feet off the table, Master Jason.

Jason: You canÆt tell me what toà Toà R-Right.

Alfred: Excellent.

Stephanie: Look, given my own experiences in dating, what makes you think I could teach Damian how to do any better?

Damian: Well, there's nothing that you can't teach me that the rest of these maniacs haven't.

Alfred: Miss Brown, you are a woman. And a reasonable one at that.

Damian: Yeah! You're the only person other than Oracle and Alfred who is remotely reasonable.

Stephanie: I did try to start a gang war to impress Batman and nearly got myself killed.

Damian: Currently remotely reasonable.

Alfred: Have you learned your lesson, Miss Brown?

Stephanie: Oh yeah...

Alfred: And Miss Barbara has far too much going on right now to teach Master Damian. Really, you are among the only sane people among our family at the moment.

Stephanie: *sigh* Fine, fine...

Tim: Won't be that hard, Stephanie. Think of him as your own kid... Only you didn't give him up.

Stephanie: *PUNCH* Jackass!

Tim: OWWW!

Jason: Aren't you lucky, Hellspawn? She's a MILF to boot.

Stephanie: YOU SHUT UP TOO! *PUNCH*

Jason: OWWW!

Stephanie: Do you have any jokes?!

Dick: Nope.

Stephanie: Good!

Alfred: Very well. You have reservations at d'annuzioÆs at six. I prepared a dress for Miss Brown, and a suit for Master Damian. You have just enough time to get ready before the limo arrives.

Stephanie: What? Hang on a second, you-!

Alfred: Off with you both!

Dick: He planned this from the start.

Tim: Of COURSE he did, he's Alfred.

Damian: Wait, what's a MILF?

Jason: Mother I'd Like to Fu-

Alfred: Master Jason!

Jason: What?

Alfred: You will refrain from such language in this house.

Jason: You can't tell me what to do! I-I have guns! And skills! And-And I'm violent and crazy!

Alfred: Master Jason, when has any of that impressed me?

Jason: ... Good point.

Alfred: And don't slouch.

Jason: Yes Alfred...

Dick and Tim: *snickering*

Damian: Well, off on a date with the only sane woman in Bat Family. Later chumps!

Stephanie: à Why me?

Dick: ... Was this really for his benefit, Alfred, or just to get him out of our hair for a while?

Alfred: Master Dick, really. Do you not think I could do both?

Dick: TouchÚ.

So, thoughts? Snippets? Ideas? Discussion? Bring it forth.

 

[DhampyrX2]

Alfred is God. All that's missing is Bruce showing up and shaking his head in disgust at how far his sons have fallen in the ways of getting women.

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

Alfred is God. All that's missing is Bruce showing up and shaking his head in disgust at how far his sons have fallen in the ways of getting women.

Well right now he's time traveling, and an amnesiac, which inspired a kind of side-story to this idea.

- - - - - - -

Harley Quinn was walking down the street, enjoying herself immensely after her latest shopping spree. However, something was missing in her life. She sighed and looked up at the stars.

"Great... Pammy's off in Costa Rica, Cats is off in Paris, again... I'm so bored! What's a girl gotta do to get some companionship around here that ain't crazy?"

She grumpily kicked a can. "It's always girls or Mistah J or some guy who just wants to make a bicycle outta me! I need a real companion! A real man! Somebody to have fun with who ain't gonna use me for target practice!"

Not that that wasn't fun every now and again but a girl liked variation.

Harley sighed again and looked up hopefully at the starless sky. "I don't suppose you could do me a solid, Big guy, and send me someone who isn't a total creep?"

"Hey girlie, you want to pass by here, you have to pay!"

A gang of thugs surrounds her. Harley sighs.

"Not what I had in mind..."

Somewhere, God snickers.

"I see, having fun with Harley again, eh? Well, I'll just have to have some fun of my own!" Harley pulled out her trusty mallet and grinned. "Come on boys, bring it on!"

"Even if you are the Joker's broad, we're not gonna let you go!" The leader grinned. "Make it easy on yourself and I'll-!"

"Gentlemen. There's no need for that."

They all stopped and turned to look at the source of the voice. The thugs gaped. Harley's eyes went wide, her cheeks colored, and she began to drool shamelessly.

"Hubba hubba..."

"You... What the hell are you doin' man, walking around here NAKED?!" The leader demanded, as the tall naked man with black hair and intense eyes walked up to them.

"Well, I was hoping to ask someone that, but I need a change of clothes." He points at the leader of the gang, and smirked slightly. "You look about right."

"HA! You're kidding me, I'm gonna-!" The leader went down to a single punch. The rest of the thugs stared, and then charged him in rage. They too were all quickly dispatched by the man, and Harley enjoyed watching every moment.

"Awwww," Harley sighed, as the man pulled on the clothing of the leader. "Ah well... All good things and all that jazz." She glomped onto him. "Thanks a bunch! What's your name? Single? Maybe Studly?"

"I'm afraid I don't really know," the man admitted. Harley huffed, then grinned.

"Ah well! What's in a name? Come on, I'll take you home! This is gonna be great! Hey... You look kind of familiar?"

"Do I?" The man asked. "I guess I just have that kind of face..."

- - - - - - -

Inspired by this:

What can I say, I think an amnesiac Bruce Wayne shacking up with Harley Quinn could be very, very amusing. Especially given how Hush is posing as Bruce Wayne and got involved in one of Harley's usual days. Hijinks ensue!

 

[DhampyrX2]

I'd rather see a fic with the Bat-harem's reaction to his return. Harley is just too Joker-whipped to be as much fun there. Now someone like Selina getting hold of him, and then say Diana and Zatanna finding out, that has potential.

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

I'd rather see a fic with the Bat-harem's reaction to his return.? Harley is just too Joker-whipped to be as much fun there.? Now someone like Selina getting hold of him, and then say Diana and Zatanna finding out, that has potential.

Fair enough. Back on the subject of Damian and Stephanie: What are some ways this can go down?

For humor purposes Damian could go around asking different people how to "woo" Stephanie properly. And he tries those different approaches.

 

[Anonguy]

This has.... potential.

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

And now, a slightly more serious start.

- - - - - -

"Do you stuff your uniform?" Damian sniped. "Fatgirl?"

Tim scowled deeply. Damian was grating, especially when he was insulting Stephanie. Sure, they weren't together but it was... It was the principle of the thing! Their bickering was getting on his nerves too, but he waited for Stephanie's inevitable return salvo.

But it never came. Stephanie just smiled. Rising from her chair, she walked across the Batcave floor to Damian. She reached up, and slowly, teasingly lowered the zipper on the front of her uniform, revealing the swell of her breasts. The scorn vanished from Damian's face and he stared, cheeks turning bright red.

"Do these look stuffed to you, brat?" She asked in a breathy, sexy voice, pushing her boobs up with her arms. Damian, normally unruffled by genocidal clowns or large numbers of heavily armed thugs, actually stuttered at this sight.

"I-I-I-"

Stephanie chuckled, and bent over to kiss his forehead. "So you are just a kid after all," she said with a smirk. She turned and headed for the costume vault. Damian stared after her, bewildered and blushing bright red.

Dick and Barbara managed to restrain their laughter. For about five seconds. Tim laughed too, but mainly to cover up that niggling bit of jealousy. It was ridiculous, really.

What chance did Damian have with Stephanie? And they weren't even dating. It was silly. He had Tamara, and bigger things to worry about. He wasn't a teenager anymore, he was an adult. He could deal with this.

... He was still blushing and staring after her. What was his deal?!

- - - - - - -

"Mother?"

Talia looked up and smiled at the screen from her compound in Uzbekistan. "Damian. It's nice of you to call me. How are you?"

"Protecting the city goes well," Damian said with his usual confidence. "Grayson is a better teacher than I gave him credit for. Drake is pathetic and should be cast aside like a used dishrag. Pennyworth is... Admirable," Damian managed. "And Stephanie-"

"Stephanie?" Talia asked, arching an elegant eyebrow. Damian flustered.

"I meant to say, 'Brown.' Stephanie Brown. The Batgirl."

"You haven't mentioned her before," Talia mused. "I thought she was dead."

"She wasn't. She isn't. She's the new Batgirl. At first I thought she was weak and useless-Her stance is weak, her breathing is inadequate, she makes as much noise as a drunken elephant..." Damian went into a lengthy diatribe about Stephanie, over the course of which Talia's smile grew.

"... And she-She actually teased me with her... Her..."

"Breasts, Damian?" Talia asked. Damian flushed.

"Yes. Those."

"She sounds like an... Interesting young woman," Talia mused.

"She... Is... Sort of... Somewhat," Damian said.

"Well, why don't you take her to dinner?" Talia suggested. "Get to know her? I'm sure Alfred can help you with all the arrangements."

"Dinner?" Damian asked.

"Yes. Also known as a date. Ask her on a date, my son," Talia encouraged.

"But-But-!"

"After all, she is... Interesting, is she not?" Talia said with an impish smile. Damian blushed, but managed to nod.

"Yes..."

"Well then, get to know her better. And then, if she proves interesting enough, make her your bride. It's very simple," Talia said.

Damian nodded. "Yes mother."

"Have a good night, Damian. I love you," Talia said.

Damian muttered he loved her too, and cut the transmission. Talia hummed and smiled thoughtfully.

Perhaps it was time to visit her Beloved's city again... And see about this young woman her son was interested in.

- - - - - - -

 

[cgobyd]

Alfred is God. All that's missing is Bruce showing up and shaking his head in disgust at how far his sons have fallen in the ways of getting women.

You do realize you are talking about the same Bruce Wayne that except for in one Elseworlds comic has never had a sustained normal relationship right?

I'm pretty sure all but Jason at this point are better in the Romance (as long as it doesn't involve needing to position himself for an ongoing case) department the Bruce Wayne is.

 

[ttestagr]

The Joker is better at relationships than Bruce is.

 

[The Ero-Sennin]

It's sad how true that is.

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

Well in fairness, I don't think he can really have what we call "normal" relationships. The woman he's closest to in the world, Selina, is an anti-heroine cat burglar who values her independence too much to be tied down to Bruce. There are other women who could be close to him but he is a rich kid with a LOT of issues.

 

[Preventer Squall]

Give him afew months of solid therapy, and he may actually get that harem everyone jokes about.

 

[DhampyrX2]

Alfred is God.? All that's missing is Bruce showing up and shaking his head in disgust at how far his sons have fallen in the ways of getting women.

You do realize you are talking about the same Bruce Wayne that except for in one Elseworlds comic has never had a sustained normal relationship right?

I'm pretty sure all but Jason at this point are better in the Romance (as long as it doesn't involve needing to position himself for an ongoing case) department the Bruce Wayne is.

It takes a different color when you factor in that he has to actively push them all away, with the exception of Selina who was literally designed to be his equal by the writers, to keep that distance. I never said he was good at keeping a girl around. Frankly he sucks at it. But he is also making the attempt to suck at it. Even women that KNOW about his issues, like Diana or Dinah, have sniffed around him at some point. That's King Pimp right there.

 

[A Curious Stranger]

Just about every guy in the Bat Family is shit with relationships.

Bruce? Acts like a playboy but the only person he admits he has a real chance with aka Catwoman still have issues. Othertimes it's stuff like the woman is trying to kill him or she gets killed and so forth.

Dick? Every Superpowered chick wants him but either he's busy mooning over Barbera or Starfire. At this point, he just seems to stay away to avoid destruction.

Jason? He's either out killing shit and moaning about how he was never good as Dick in Bruce's eyes or he's banging Talia or something.

Tim? Has almost as many girls after him as Dick only he's too busy brooding. I think it's been implied that Gotham City is actually sentient and wants Tim. But of course, Tim's too busy getting crapped on to even notice that stuff.

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

Hence, Damian is much better off learning how to date and treat women from Stephanie. Yeah, that's pretty sad too... But hell, at least she's not Bruce, Dick, Tim OR Jason.

 

[cgobyd]

Jason? He's either out killing shit and moaning about how he was never good as Dick in Bruce's eyes or he's banging Talia or something.

He banged Talia? Huh, how did I miss that?

And I never got why all the girls want Dick, he is just a whiny ass-hole IMO.

 

[A Curious Stranger]

Jason was implied to have banged Talia after his resurrection. It was in one of the Under the Red Hood issues.

And man, at this point, I think I just want Cassandra to show up to hang out in Tim's series. They go all over the world pissing off Ra's and recruiting his men right under him. Greatest battle couple I can think of right now. Cassandra has the skills, Tim has the brains.

Once Bruce comes back, I will fully expect Tim to not follow in that Batman Inc. shit. He's never wanted to be Batman, and now that the status quo's been filled, I'm thinking he'll just act as a mentor to the Batmen all over the world. A nice little role reversal for that Batman-Robin/Mentor-sidekick thing they have going on.

Edit: Now I've got ideas of different scenes where Damian goes to ask every guy member of the Bat family for advice on relationships just to see him get disgusted about how worthless they all are.

Bruce tries to teach it like an infiltration mission complete with high tech computer backing, Dick tries to explain his natural charisma, Jason deals with inferiority complex yet again, while Tim tries to brush him off constantly while all the while dodging all his female attention.

 

[FanboyimusPrime]

So, thoughts? Snippets? Ideas? Discussion? Bring it forth.

One tiny thing. Steph won't be Damian's first crush.

His first crush was Katana of the Outsiders. That kind of says a lot about Damian doesn't it?

 

[cgobyd]

So, thoughts? Snippets? Ideas? Discussion? Bring it forth.

One tiny thing. Steph won't be Damian's first crush.

His first crush was Katana of the Outsiders. That kind of says a lot about Damian doesn't it?

No not really Katana is cool and Hot.

And when was that?

 

[FanboyimusPrime]

No not really Katana is cool and Hot.

And when was that?

The end of the first story arc of Streets of Gotham were Batman, Robin, the Justice League and the Outsiders put a leash on Hush's spending of Bruce's money. I believe it is #3.

 

[cgobyd]

No not really Katana is cool and Hot.

And when was that?

The end of the first story arc of Streets of Gotham were Batman, Robin, the Justice League and the Outsiders put a leash on Hush's spending of Bruce's money. I believe it is #3.

Ah, I never really followed that.

 

[Prince Charon]

Alfred is awesome, and you depict him well. As for the idea, I like Steph, but I don't like Damian, and am hoping canon Tim gets his head out of his arse, soon - I usually 'ship Steph with Tim, Cassie Cain, or both, but last I saw, Tim doesn't deserve either, right now.

That said, I'll read this, because you're that good.

 

[cgobyd]

Alfred is awesome, and you depict him well.? As for the idea, I like Steph, but I don't like Damian, and am hoping canon Tim gets his head out of his arse, soon - I usually 'ship Steph with Tim, Cassie Cain, or both, but last I saw, Tim doesn't deserve either, right now.

That said, I'll read this, because you're that good.

In other words...

 

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

So, thoughts? Snippets? Ideas? Discussion? Bring it forth.

One tiny thing. Steph won't be Damian's first crush.

His first crush was Katana of the Outsiders. That kind of says a lot about Damian doesn't it?

Yeah, but "Second Crush" isn't as good a title. Thanks for that though.

And thanks for the votes of confidence, guys.

 

[Thrilhouse]

Looks like you're sticking pretty strict to cannon, so I have to question you on Damian's age. I'm pretty confident he is only eleven.

...I'm also fairly certain Damian and Stephanie hate each other.

But I wouldn't pay much attention to anything other than my first remark. I despise Damian as a character so I'm just a bit biased.

t:

I'd like to get some opinions on the current run of Batman and Robin. In my opinion the writers seem to be going out of their way to improve upon Damian. It isn't a problem alone, but in my opinion they seem to detract any merit of intellect from Dick as a byproduct.

Everyone that knows anything about the Batman-verse knows Dick has insecurity issues. God knows DC never lets us forget this... even after a few decades of it being a plot device. But it goes beyond that, in some scenes he seems borderline incompetent.

The business scene where Damian had to step in for Dick to "look over some numbers" comes to mind instantly. Dick has shown to be intelligent and competent as numerous things. He owns an apartment building in Bludhaven, half owner of a circus, former museum curator... the list goes on. Yet he couldn't look over a few numbers.

I understand the need for development for Damian, but that seems like a terrible way of doing it.




Sorry for the long digression.
That's where a lot of my ire towards Damian comes from. If they wrote more to make him stand out in other ways, I could come to like him. The banter he has with Steph is entertaining, but it's not enough to ignore his irritating personality. Not for me, anyway.

In summary: I'm pretty confident Damian is eleven, and it'll probably take a serious amount of character work to make them begin tolerating each other.