goldenarms said:
It's interesting to think of these things while reading manga now. Before, I felt like a lot of MCs were kind of dumb for not going after girls that are much more bubbly and fun, preferring to stick it out with the crazy tsunderes. Now, it sort of makes sense.
Also it makes me ask interesting questions like "Is Sakura the seme and Sasuke the uke in their relationship?"
EDIT: Holy crap, does Supacat have some things to share! Some of it is just wild...
Supacat's Experiences With Sex and Flirting in Japan
This is accurate, but also from a female perspective.
Ladies in Japan are a bit more flexible and less rigid about active roles. They also tend to be more sexually free than the guys, and I don't mean that in the manner of 'slutty'. Guys are completely messed up and neurotic in regard to sex, with heavy cultural pressure to behave a certain way.
Women are too, but are encouraged more to go along with the guy and be more fluid sexually. Guys are kind of expected to be particular about sex and have fetishes and the women are expected to go along with it.
Without fail, a Japanese woman will just sort of lie there the first time, but are easily prodded into doing more over time.
Having a wingman in Japan is a must, things get awkward fast without one.
The article may be accurate if you're a woman trying to get laid in Japan, I wouldn't really know how that is. However, if you're a guy, this makes things sound worse than they really are. Men tend to lead the way and women are expected to be submissive to them in sexual situations.
Also, you've got to be careful in Japan. Women will often 'resist' sexual advances. They'll squirm and say "no" to touching and push their partner away. This is expected and you are not raping them by continuing and are expected to remain gentle but persistent.
I know this might freak some feminists out, but I'm being serious here. This is actually foreplay in Japan and you're not supposed to stop. If you do stop you'll end up with a woman who is pretty frustrated with you the next day. It's a bit like feeding a fussy baby in a weird way. If a girl is actually refusing advances they'll be more forceful. It's weird and can seem a bit strange at first, and it can leave a westerner feeling like a bit of an asshole, but you really can tell the difference between a girl being 'kawaii' by way of being coy and a woman that actually wants you to stop. It's not really a subtle difference, but can make westerners nervous and feel a bit weird the first time they deal with it. This is perfectly normal and will probably happen the first few times you sleep with any woman from Japan no matter how experienced she is.
After you've been with a woman for a bit and things are more casual and comfortable, it might stop. It depends on the girl, sometimes they'll do it on and off, and sometimes they'll just drop the act altogether. Again, this is not rape, it's a role that women are expected to play in the bedroom. The tune quickly changes once things get started and it's not something that can easily be mistaken for actual resistance.
There are occasions where the woman will not play coy, but that's very rare and generally only happens with people they are very familiar with and have known for a very long time.
Girl on top sex is not normally a first time thing. It's also generally more subdued than it would be between westerners and the guy is still mostly more in control than the woman is. It's actually somewhat like getting a massage for the guy. There is also a bigger focus on oral stimulation. A Japanese woman will use her mouth a lot once she gets more comfortable in bed with someone, and I don't just mean oral sex.
It's somewhat taboo, but not super unusual for a woman to be more sexually aggressive in bed. Often it's associated with S&M or bondage sex and is considered 'humiliating' for the guy.
Once you're dating, it's okay to look at her in private, but don't expect her to make more than a moment's eye contact. She'll probably look a lot when you're not looking directly at her and will look away when you notice. It's a kind of game where you both try catch the other doing things like that without revealing that you notice, but not really. You're both actually expected to notice and just not say anything to keep it going because it's romantic.
Overall, things are a lot easier for a guy trying to get laid with a Japanese woman than the other way around. Don't get me wrong, the guys are usually more willing than the ladies, but the courtship phase is harder for a Japanese guy to get through due to the cultural differences. Western women are often weirded out by the norms of Japanese dating. The male roles are more pronounced and less flexible. Flirting isn't actually as bad as this article makes things sound. You do need to pay a lot of attention to a Japanese woman and can't expect her to tell you things that you'd expect a western woman to. For example, sharing a meal is indeed a thing, and she's really going to expect you to know what she likes without her saying anything. The same goes for gifts.
You're kind of expected to behave in a manner that would be considered incredibly creepy to a western girl. She's going to expect you to watch her constantly, poke through her stuff, and learn her habits. However, you're also expected to kind of do it on the sly and not openly. You do kind of want her to catch you doing it sometimes, but not admit what you're doing. It's cconsidered 'sweet' when this happens. This works both ways, so if you're dating a Japanese girl and catch her going through your stuff, she's probably not robbing you. She's trying to figure you out so she can be the sort of intuitive this article talks about.
This is one reason why western guys with Japanese girls are more common than the other way around. Partially because of the stalker like behavior that is culturally expected, and partially because of the 'roles' expected in the bedroom. Western women have a much harder time dealing with what is 'expected' of them than western men are. Things are less likely to work out between a Japanese man and a western woman because of it.
