Ilya's trolling and gamer status was glorious. Her casual info dropping is interesting, though, since it very clearly marks her as a beta player. If and when community attitudes towards beta players change, that would make her an obvious target. But, well, beyond being Ilya and that alone making anyone messing with her in deep trouble, anyone trying anything would also have to deal with Shirou...and that will be hilarious.
[Name tag]...Ilya, what on earth are you up to? That doesn't even fit on maid uniforms, are you starting with the waitress outfit and working your way up? XD
Also:
a caveat was introduced with the [Thaumatergy Patch]
The meteor symbolism was something from the light novels; that "better to be a meteor burning up in the atmosphere" was something Asuna said, so I was trying to import that... also, that "narration that's out of place", was also supposed to be Asuna's thoughts, that's generally what was going through her head. Basically what happened was, I just jammed Ilya into when she thought about what she was doing two weeks into the death game.
Whelp, I'll try and clean it up though, since if it was akward, that's a problem in its own right.
Instead of huddling in a small dark room fearing for the future, it's better to go outside. Use all her ability to learn, train, and fight. If she ended up dying after using all her strength, at least she would be untroubled by matters of the past and the regrets of a lost future.
Run. Charge forward. Then disappear. Like a meteor burning up upon entering the atmosphere.
For the most part this was a good chapter. Ilya's personality seems to be about right. I'm surprised that she's separated from Shirou, but then again seeing how they're in a "Safe Zone" I guess you're right that the two of them can help more people by splitting up.
To be honest though there were a couple more things I noticed that were off in addition to what's already been said above.
1) I do believe Kayaba's name is Kayaba AkihiKO not AkihiTO.
2) I know that Ilya wanted to skip past a lot of introduction stuff, but I do find that her actions have one very big side-effect... Asuna doesn't get whatever spiel the old man planned to give on how taking the path of a magus is to walk with Death before she made her decision. Sure she heard him say one sentence, but it was out of context and it prevented her from hearing the serious details that he may have gone over. It's stated in canon that a magus's experiments can kill them. And I sorta feel that by skipping the old man's lecture Asuna and consequently anyone else Ilya "helps" skip past the "boring stuff" on this quest will go into this without realizing just how dangerous magecraft truly is.
Still, apart from those two bits, I feel that you've done a pretty solid job here. I'm VERY glad you didn't give the players the easy way out and make it so that circuit activation was painless. Sure that would have made things easier for them in SAO, but that would have meant when they eventually return to the real world they'd be in TERRIBLE danger because they wouldn't be used to the pain in their activation. It wouldn't have been the "realistic" simulation that Kayaba wanted to create.
Anyways, good job so far. Seeing how this is part 1 of the chapter I assume there's more to come. Personally I'm curious about the specifics of what actions Shirou's taken during this time and what that's done to his reputation. After all, acting like a hero could earn him both great respect... and great hatred... I can't wait to see what level of each the Faker will receive here in his second game of death. You've already given us hints, but I'd like to see that in a little more of a personal setting sometime.
Also, if you need a beta or just want someone to bounce ideas off of for either fandom go ahead and send me a message. I'm pretty familiar with both of them, and though I can't guarantee 100% accuracy in regards to either I might be able to catch a few things. Or just give a different perspective on things Regardless, good work so far. I look forward to seeing more.
1) Really? I thought it was a "-hito" ending (as evidenced by spelling it that way all along).
...Well, after checking on BT, I see that it really is a "Akihiko", so I guess I'm gonna have to change that, not just in the story, but in my mind.
2) Casually & thoughtlessly exposing strangers to risk just for her own convenience, that's also in Ilya's character. Well, I haven't really given much thought to "Ilya's Character Development", so that's something that bears thinking about.
3) I tend to do a lot of my "thinking out loud" in the Idea thread, so as a rule, rather than PMs or anything else, post in that thread. (Deathwings already changed the plot so substantially I might rewrite the prologue speech.)
I definitely welcome even unsolicited ideas there.
In the time since Kayaba Akihiko had announced they were all participating in a mandatory [Death Game] with no other way to escape, that time had already been two weeks. And, the number of lives that had been claimed by the Game's [Death] parameter had just crossed 300 people earlier that day.
Certainly, it would be possible to just wait in the starting city until computer scientists from the outside, supported by the national security agencies, were able to hack into the servers and log everyone out.
But that might take weeks, months, or years. To simply wait, holed up in a dark room in the Starting City for as long as that took, spending that span of life without gaining anything, that was just too miserable for her. And besides, there was an important psychological component as well: if people did not participate in the [Death Game], then that guy might simply change the rules so they were forced to play.
And so, after two weeks of simply hiding in the darkness like a mole, the player designated [ASUNA] stepped out into the virtual sunlight, determined that if she was going to die pointlessly in the game, then at the very last moment, at least she could be content that she had done everything in her power first. Burning up like a meteor fighting against the atmosphere was better than being a comet orbiting the sun forever without accomplishing anything.
With thoughts like that, which sat halfway between courageous resolve and suicidal despair, she had bought this item called [Heavy Wool Cloak] and then spent the remainder of her money on as many copies of the [Bronze Rapier] as she could. From now, the limit of how many times she could use the [One-Handed Light Sword Skill: Linear] was measured only by the cumulative durability of her stack of sword items.
Turning half a step away from the vendor, she swung her hand and opened the menu, navigating through and equipping the cloak and the first sword. With a dramatic swirl, it appeared above her shoulders and fell across them with an effect similar to a curtain falling over the stage.
Like that, while she was hardening her heart, she heard a scream.
In the time since Kayaba Akihiko had announced they were all participating in a mandatory [Death Game] with no other way to escape, that time had already been two weeks. And, the number of lives that had been claimed by the Game's [Death] parameter had just crossed 300 people earlier that day.
Certainly, it would be possible to just wait in the [Starting City] until computer programmers in the real world were able to hack into the servers and log everyone out. That was probably the safest and most reliable plan, to hunker down like a child lost in the woods and wait for rescue. Considering her father's position, it wasn't even arrogant to think that they would be coming to save her personally.
But that might take weeks, months, or years. To simply wait, holed up in a dark room in the Starting City for as long as that took, spending that span of life without gaining anything, that was just too miserable for her. And besides, there was an important psychological component as well: if people did not participate in the [Death Game], then that guy might simply change the rules so they were forced to play.
And so, after two weeks of simply hiding from everything, the player designated [ASUNA] stepped out into the virtual sunlight, determined that if she was going to die pointlessly in the game, then at the very last moment, at least she could be content that she had done everything in her power first. Burning up like a meteor was better than simply floating in darkness like a comet.
With thoughts like that, which sat halfway between courageous resolve and suicidal despair, she had bought this item called [Heavy Wool Cloak] and then spent the remainder of her money on as many copies of the [Bronze Rapier] as she could. From now, the limit of how many times she could use the [One-Handed Light Sword Skill: Linear] was measured only by the cumulative durability of her stack of sword items.
Turning half a step away from the vendor, she swung her hand and opened the menu, navigating through and equipping the cloak and the first sword. With a dramatic swirl, it appeared above her shoulders and fell across them with an effect similar to a curtain falling over the stage.
Like that, while she was hardening her heart, she heard a scream.
In the time since the game began, he had leveled up six times. Including the first level he had started with, that meant his level was seven. In the three weeks since the beginning of the game, he had leveled up six times; compared to the category of people who played conservatively near the [Starting City] and the exploring players who played aggressively, he was in the middle. Many in the aggressive category were already around the informal [Level Cap] of 10. Because the level of the monsters on the first floor peaked around eight or nine with special monsters only reaching ten, the exponential nature of the XP curve made climbing past level 10 extremely difficult. Not only did it require a relatively huge number of fights to gather sufficient XP, but the limited spawn rate meant that the finite number of monsters of a high enough level had to be split among all the aggressive-style players.
Because he was unconcerned with personal gain, he didn't particularly try to defeat monsters. So, despite playing with no margin of safety, despite spending more time in the field than anyone, despite participating in a huge number of battles, his level was not too great. His objective wasn't leveling up. It was saving as many people as possible.
At every level up, a total of five [stat points] were awarded to the player. They could be distributed between either of only two stats: [STR], for strength or muscle power, and [AGI], for dexterity or agility. Therefore, for the six levels he had acquired, he had a total of 30 [stat points] to distribute between the two scores.
He had put them all in [AGI].
The reason was simple. The speed at which a player could move in the field was more dependent on [AGI] than it was on [STR]. Combined with the [Run] skill, it meant that he had the maximum possible mobility for his level. Since this game didn't have an endurance mechanic, he could grind the [Run] skill simply by dashing everywhere at top speed. The higher his mobility was, the faster he could move towards a problem, and the faster he could move on to the next one. Practically speaking, running speed was the upper limit on how many people he could save.
Since there was an incremental movement penalty for inventory weight, he minimized what he was carrying as much as possible. The penalty was not trivial for someone with a [STR] parameter as low as his. Even armor was removed. The only things he had equipped were the light-weight [White Jumpsuit] item and the [Iron Curved Sword].
And a [Red Scarf]. Ilya had absolutely insisted, and although it was kind of foolish, it was not something he had resisted with any actual effort.
Yes, the only thing that mattered was getting there as quickly as possible.
He ran, sprinting through the grassy field on the edge of dark woods. Four players were fighting, intermingled with a pack of [Lesser Dark Wolves]. They were jet-black, shaped like timber wolves, with glowing red eyes. There were five wolves, although even as he watched, the massed damage of the group reduced the number to four.
Of those four players, there was a staff-using tall and thin guy of around 20 years, a fat adult straight sword user, and a spear user who couldn't have been out of middle school. The last player, who was dealing the most damage, could be described as the same time as an older version of Shirou: a red-haired one-handed curved sword user. The straight sword user and the spear user were unremarkable in skill. The curved sword player was talented. He was dealing as much damage as the other two combined.
However, that meant that as a product of the [Hate] or [Aggro] mechanic that Ilya had explained, the remaining wolves would focus their attacks on him. Since none of these players had figured out the similarly-explained [Tank] role, the wolves continued to mass their attacks on the curved-sword player. He couldn't avoid all the attacks, so he was taking damage.
That wasn't a problem, because the staff-using player was someone that had chosen to play a [Mage], and had a healing spell. Healing magic was easy, but expensive. Or rather, it was simply pouring prana into someone and restoring their body to the natural state of being unharmed. The foundation of injury healing magecraft was creating replacement flesh and inserting it into the wound. Accelerating the natural healing rate, or even reversing effects to undo injuries, both were possible; but those methods were generally inferior. It bothered Shirou. Because it was just a game, healing was as simple as just changing the number labeled [HP]. There was no wound system to simulate getting ripped open. There was no pain, there was no trauma; even something that reduced your health to 1% wouldn't impede your motions. Simply put, getting your guts blown out and your legs smashed couldn't happen.
But that was the problem. Because people thought healing magic was easy, they used it easily. The gain from being better at healing magic was higher effectiveness, so the numerical benefit to [HP] would go up, but the real benefit was improving the efficiency. The better someone was at healing magic, the less flesh they had to replace because the amount was more precise, with less overlap. The less effort they put into creating it. The less prana evaporated while casting it. All of those things improved the efficiency.
Even if this was a player with natural talent at healing, even with these simplified virtual bodies reducing the challenge, they were still a novice. Repeated healing was simply beyond their limits. And magecraft beyond your limits carried a penalty. That, at least, was something Kayaba Akihiko had considered.
So Shirou charged forward, and when the Staff-using player closed his eyes to prepare one more healing spell, he interfered. He jumped, smashed to a landing right in front of him, and grabbed his staff. Startled, the player opened his eyes, breath caught, his aria interrupted. His spell wasn't interrupted, it was instead prevented from even starting up.
Shirou had made it in time. He was relieved. "Stop casting." He ordered.
"Hey!" Shouted the curved-sword user. "What's the big idea?" He pointed, accusing Shirou.
In response, Shirou dashed towards him, accelerating to his top speed. His sword was drawn. He imagined the [System Trigger] and pulled it. Without breaking stride, he launched the [Reaver] from a running start.
The other red-head had only a moment to step back in confusion before Shirou was past him, digging the last third of the sword in his hand into the shoulder of the [Lesser Dark Wolf] and cleanly pulling it through before striking the mandatory pose at the end of the [Sword Skill].
He held the pose. It wasn't to look cool. Simply, the internal algorithms of the monster characters weren't allowed to assess the skills of a player, so the only way they were allowed to determine when the cool-down period was over was when the player moved. By freezing in place, he could fool the game engine into thinking he was still vulnerable.
It wasn't true of all monsters, but evil-type monsters like [Lesser Dark Wolves] gave a bonus for the cool-down when dynamically calculating that [Hate] value. This was the best way to draw their attacks.
Of the four enemies, the one he had slashed was behind him. Its attack on the curved-sword user was interrupted and it couldn't turn around quickly enough. If he was lucky, that guy would recover his composure enough to finish it off.
The second wolf was on the far side of the spear-user. It wasn't a problem.
Three and four were. They were flanking him from approximately the nine and one o'clock directions. Since he was standing with his right side forward with his right arm extended in a wide stance, they were both in his visual field. The enemy at nine was three meters away, and at one was only two meters away. They would both use the [Short-Range Lunge]. The one at three would aim at his exposed throat, and at one would aim at his armpit, seeking to rip open the artery there. Their attack patterns were programmed like real wolves: their general approach was to cripple and then kill prey, rather than fighting.
They both lunged.
There wasn't an appropriate [Sword Skill]. It wasn't a problem.
When the closer one in front of him lunged, he stepped forward into a wider stance with his front foot, dropping down closer to the ground, and swung his sword out to his side and down, before whipping it back across in front of him upwards.
Because it was a clean and deep attack across the throat, it was assessed as a [Critical Hit], and the enemy was forced all the way into the red zone from max HP. Of course, it was still moving forward, so Shirou also continued to move forward, bringing his rear left foot closer and stepping out with his right foot forcing himself upright. At the same time his left arm reached out, grabbing at the wolf. Just like a player could accelerate their own [Sword Art] by reinforcing it, he accelerated the [Lesser Dark Wolf] along its own direction. It was impossible to actually [grab] it, but simply by trying to occupy the same space as it, the [Clash Detection] system was activated and the two parties were pushed apart by the physics engine. Also a [Harassment Warning] popped up, but that wasn't important.
The result was that wolf at nine slammed into the one he'd attacked and then pushed, even as he was pushed back away from them both. It didn't deal any damage to the other wolf, but its attack was cancelled, and he was no longer flanked.
Shirou glanced around, assessing the situation.
The young spear-user and the fat one-handed sword user were just staring, but the curved-sword user had finished off the first wolf. Good.
"What the hell are you doing?" He demanded. But, even though he was shouting, he still fired off another sword skill, killing the wolf that Shirou had cut across the throat.
Shirou didn't answer him, but instead, pointed at the staff-user. "Check your HP." He side-stepped to avoid another lunge.
Confused, the staff-user did. His pinched face paled as he blanched, doing a double take as he looked at the bar in the corner of his vision. "W-what?" Rather than a question, it was more like an expression of denial. "Red?" His voice was strangled.
"Magecraft beyond your limits has a price." Shirou explained. "If you reach beyond your limits, you can accomplish the spell, but you'll pay with your body."
It was an easy mistake to make. If you didn't take any attacks, you wouldn't think you were taking damage. The pain of your body getting ripped up would be a clue, but compared to the pain of circulating prana through your circuits, it would be "more of the same". Since magecraft was the only source of pain in the game system, it was hard to distinguish between the [normal pain] of performing magecraft and the [exceptional pain] of exceeding your limits. And someone focused on casting, on ignoring that pain, tended to forget to check their HP bar.
Yes, it was true that there was no wound system, there was no trauma, there was no way to get your guts ripped open. But, since those things didn't exist, a player lacked the natural warning systems of the human body that allowed a magus to determine their limits. Frankly speaking, that was a bug in the game.
Shirou had already seen three people die that way in front of him. The first time, he hadn't understood what was happening. The second time, he diagnosed it too late. The third time, he hadn't responded quickly enough to prevent it. But this time he was fast enough. It wasn't just that this virtual body was faster. More importantly, the speed and precision of his judgement had also improved. This time, he saved someone.
He smiled.
"Bastard!" The curved-sword guy said, splitting his attention between the two remaining wolves and this white interloper. "What the hell are you smiling at?"
"I'm glad you didn't die." Shirou honestly replied, looking at the staff-user.
With a swallow, the staff-user stepped back. What little color he had regained immediately fled his face, making him look even more like a skeleton. "Me too." He said.
"Can we focus!?" Shouted the spear-user, who was looking frazzled and worried as he fought one of the two remaining wolves. They were locked in stalemate; the player wasn't willing to commit enough to use a powerful enough [Sword Skill] to accomplish anything because of the fear of the opening at the end. By comparison, he was skilled enough to read the obvious signs of the attacks and dodge when the wolf [Lunged]. But, if you compared the mental endurance of a human to the mental endurance of a computer, the long-term outcome of such a stalemate was obvious.
"Cuvie!" The curved sword user said. He didn't look, choosing instead to keep his glower shifting between the wolf and Shirou. "Help him!"
"Right!" The fat straight-sword user launched his own skill at the back of the wolf in front of the spear-user, who was apparently named Cuvie. When it turned, snarling at him, Cuvie the spear-user took that chance to also [Back Attack] the wolf, finishing it.
"From now on, be sure to watch your HP bar." Shirou scolded the novice magus one more time, and scanned the horizon. It was getting late. Soon the [Night Bears] would start to spawn.
Without waiting for acknowledgement or thanks, Shirou simply turned and ran off.
"Wait!" The curved-sword user shouted. "I still have questions for you!"
2.2 end
I I I
1) I decided to go with Shadow Zeranon's suggestion for "Shirou's Saving People Thing (Chapter 2 edition)". I'd still prefer he save people that would otherwise die on-screen. But that basically means (1) the Black Cats, and Death is their destiny, for the sake of giving Kirito emotional issues, or (2) turning one-scene red-shirts who exist only to die into Real Characters, or straight-up OCs, and I want to control cast inflation.
2) Was the Kamen Rider thing too much? I want to hit a pace where Ilya is obviously just screwing around, and dragging Shirou into it, without someone turning to the camera and saying, exasperated, "I wish Ilya would stop screwing around."
3) Shirou is the Biggest Toad in the Well, but he knows it; I want to hit a pace where he's stronger than everyone, but downplays it. Maybe he looks arrogant from other character's perspectives, but I want it to be clear from narration that he's still measuring himself with the yardstick labeled "goddam Servants".
4) Next is 2.3: The Deal.
EDIT: Fixed typographical stuff.
Mod Edit: Text encoding cleanups due to forum migration -chronodekar
Repetitive, and not in a stylistic way like your leveling up. Also ungrammatical. Heh.
Anyways, that was the only major one that jumped out at me that I felt like should be fixed. (There are minor word choices here and there that, had this been a professional work, I might be inclined to point out, but since it's not they don't really matter.)
On the issue of saving people thing, I had a thought because of how you wrote this chapter. It read like Shirou just saved Klein's group. Regardless, that got me thinking.
There are certain characters who's important to the plot of SAO and who survive past the initial stages in SAO. Having Shirou save them might be taking away from the SAO side.
However, given the nature of how Shirou is doing it, quickly, nonchalantly, and perhaps so easily that even the saved don't realize they were saved, you could have Shirou act as the means with which to ensure that those certain characters do manage to survive until the appropriate time.
This allows you to establish some recognizable characters, allows you have the changes you introduce to have meaning and effects, and at the same time introduces, in-story, an explanation for why some things stay the same, but not necessarily everything. That and you can also start connecting characters together.
*blinks* You can get a harassment warning from enemy mobs? Weird. Also it should be possible to grab a mob. Martial Arts/ Hand to hand combat does exist in canon SAO. Of course... if you don't have the skill yet, it might very well be that you can't physically touch an enemy monster yet. :hmm:
It's very likely that hand to hand would deal extremely small amounts of damage if you have no skill in it. That's how it's treated in FFXI at least for classes with skill in it. Can't say anything about SAO canon.
*blinks* You can get a harassment warning from enemy mobs? Weird. Also it should be possible to grab a mob. Martial Arts/ Hand to hand combat does exist in canon SAO. Of course... if you don't have the skill yet, it might very well be that you can't physically touch an enemy monster yet. :hmm:
Yes, agreed, that's quite a bit weird. Grappling is A Thing, let alone Kayaba needing to simulate hand to hand (runework) enhanced combat styles like Bazett.
It's more likely that there's no system assist for it without an appropriate skill, so you better be legitimately good. Skills in general in SAO worked just to produce damage bonuses for using the appropriate weapon (along with Sword Arts and prerequisites and so on).
Man, forget verbs! Stupid past participle clogging up my dependent clauses in strange ways.
Anyway!
The "harrassment warning" thing is like a joke, it's Shirou exploiting a bug. Canonically [Unarmed Combat Skills] had to be acquired from quests, which began on the second floor. So KUNG FU is not available yet, for a short-duration value of "yet".
EDIT: Despite proclaiming my hatred of verbs, I fixed it:
now said:
However, that meant that as a product of the [Hate] or [Aggro] mechanic that Ilya had explained, the remaining wolves would focus their attacks on him.
I was trying to diagram it in my mind to make sure it works, but it's got dependent phrases like a goddam matroyshka doll, so I did it on paper, and that took, like, twenty minutes. Now I'm pretty sure it's grammatical, but I used "that" three times, as a different part of speech each time; also I started a sentence with "However" meaning "Nonetheless" which apparently is discouraged by no less an authority than S&W, but whatever.
“Good afternoon, Sempai.†Even though she knew he wouldn’t respond, she still greeted him when she returned home every afternoon.
Matou Sakura smiled at the boy laying peacefully in the futon. He was dressed in simple pajamas and his head rested on a pillow. His hands were folded over his chest like he was greatly content. How many times had she leaned over his restful form like this? It was like he was a sleeping prince, unconcerned by the world as he dreamed.
Of course, her fantasy of everyday normalcy was challenged by the smooth plastic helmet that engulfed his head. Even if she kissed her prince, he would not awake from this sleep. No, even if it was an enchanted sleep, she would have been able to devour the curse. She would have been happy to use what had been forced upon her if it would have helped him. But, it wasn’t an enchantment. It was something else, something rooted in a different mystery, of high technology.
If an outsider were to look at her, they would say she was choosing to smile instead of crying.
And even this would be taken from her.
Fuji-nee meant well, and in one of those rare moments of understanding, she had even apologized to Sakura. But, she had put her foot down, acting like a proper adult when it mattered. Shirou and Ilya needed constant observation and care, of the kind all comatose patients required. She wouldn’t allow one of her students to sacrifice her school life to be their nurse. So, even if it was cruel in the short term, she had chosen the kinder path of sending them out of Sakura’s sight where she wouldn’t be tempted every day to throw away her own education and nurse them.
Soon, these two would be transferred to a city hospital in far-away Tokyo. Just like everyone else that had been trapped in the game. Soon, Sempai would be taken away from her.
The door slid open.
“Sakura.â€
“Tohsaka-sempai.†She murmured back.
There was a pause, a moment of frozen hesitation, and then the other girl stepped into the room. She had a bag in her hands. The same bag she had already used several times.
However, rather than kneeling beside Sempai, instead the other girl walked across the room and slid the partition the rest of the way open to kneel beside Ilya.
“Tohsaka-sempai?â€
The other girl grunted in a very unfeminine way. “That big lug doesn’t even notice, and we’re running out of time. So even if it’s annoying, I’m going to try contacting Ilya instead.â€
So saying, the other girl opened the bag.
Five gems, each corresponding to a different of the five elements. They were placed in a pentagon around the girl. Five candles were placed on each gem, and lit. A pentagram of copper wire was laid around the gems. Activated by the flame, the gems would leak their colored prana, which would be picked up by the wire and propagated like a circuit.
A basic bounded field, designed to isolate the inside from the outside by creating interference that would sweep up prana. Because it could be easily circumvented or overwhelmed, in addition to being easy to detect, it was something that was designed as a ritual rather than a protection. Since it sweeped up the inside as well as the outside, it had an added bonus of not only isolating the inside of the circle, but also continuously cleaning it so that a lingering spell wouldn’t unexpectedly interact with a new spell. The spell would last until the reserve of prana in the gems was spent, and then collapse.
The goal of the spell was simple: Tohsaka Rin was going to establish telepathic contact with someone right next to her. Since telepathic contact was less reliable and harder to understand than spoken conversation, using it on someone right beside you was normally pointless. But this was a special circumstance, where even though they were right beside her, they could never hear her words nor respond to them. So even if it mental transmission was inferior to spoken conversation as a rule, this was the exceptional circumstance where normal speech was impossible.
Rin was someone that measured her chances of success and if they were too low, then she wouldn’t even try. So something like computer-hacking into the clouds were the tubes of data transmitted into the helmet was completely discarded. In the first place she didn’t even know where the cloud was; only that it definitely wasn’t in the sky. She had re-affirmed her grudge with Issei after that conversation.
As a result, this ritual method was preferred. The only downside was that Shirou was a bonehead who didn’t even notice that she was trying to reach him. Everyone was worried and he was so ungrateful he didn’t even notice… it made her angry.
She had been muttering. With a slight blush, she cleared her throat and cleared her mind. The last ritual tools were removed from the bag. First was the rubber constriction band. Second was the syringe.
Ilya’s arm was removed from the futon and the sleeve was rolled up. The band was tied around her arm above the elbow.
A syringe, filled with a pale yellow fluid. In the past it had been Rin’s blood, but refinement and processing had removed the cells and platelets; now it was just plasma. It was the ritual medium to form a temporary contract so that she could pass her od into Ilya. Compared to other rituals the amount of od that could be transferred in this way was trivial, but only a tiny amount was needed.
Rin opened her circuits and gathered mana. “Form the frame. Shape the Gate. Open the Pass.†Rin spoke softly, but with clear annunciation. The words of the aria were used by the magus to convince themselves what they were doing was possible. As she spoke, the prana inside her was carefully transmitted into the syringe and saturated into her plasma.
Carefully Rin placed the syringe over the exposed vein, and depressed the stopper. Her blood plasma, her prana, was injected into Ilya’s body.
“Ich Falle Durch.†Rin focused her mind, and fell into the syringe, through the needle, and entered Ilya.
It was just a tiny drop of prana. It dissipated, it circulated, it passed in. Inside the medium, it wouldn’t evaporate, but one, two, three heartbeats, it passed into the heart, it circulated to the lungs and was exposed as the atmosphere was drawn across it. Four, five, six. The heart beat again, again, again. The prana circulated, it became a thin film spread across the inside of Ilya.
Rin breathed out, and on the seventh heart beat, she flicked her Circuits back on.
It was an illusion space.
Rin’s body was a translucent mass threaded through with spooled wires. Inside her arm was a mass of discolored wires inlaid, her Crest. As her heart beat, the translucency faded. Her body became less and less clear, more solid, until after seven beats she stood whole. It was the thought of a moment, and she was clad in her classic appearance, stockings, skirt and shirt. Remaining naked was unnecessary, and she had no desire to expose herself to Ilya’s mocking.
There was a glass wall before her. It wasn’t transparent, but it wasn’t perfectly dark. Light filtered through like it was glazed, a hazy crystal. But it was perfectly smooth, a shell shaped like a raindrop that tapered into infinite thinness that extended off into the distance. It was like an alchemist’s flask.
There were numbers on the shell. In the shell. Through the shell. It was a work of magecraft of numbers. It was a materialization of mystery described only with mathematical operations. It was something she couldn’t comprehend. It wasn’t equations, it was the solutions that resulted from solving the equations, the special case that applied only to Ilya.
It melted.
Glass was a solidified liquid. That wasn’t a contradiction. That was a description of the physical state. It was amorphous, it was non-crystalline, it was composition without organization or form, just wad of molecules.
But this shell that looked like glass was not glass. It was magecraft.
So something that could melt it into formlessness was simply throwing power around until it lost its form. It was inefficient. It was inelegant. But that brutal straight-forwardness was how the Einzbern accomplished their mysteries.
Even though she was also an illusion, even though she had also condensed a form around her circuits, even though she also imagined clothing, the sheer volume of prana that Ilya circulated illuminated her from within.
“Rin!†Ilya greeted.
“Ilya.†Rin coolly replied.
“So I guess you finally stopped procrastinating and decided to do something, huh?†Ilya cheerfully asked.
“Hey!†Rin protested. “I don’t want to hear that from someone that didn’t even try in the first place?â€
“But you don’t deny procrastinating... that actually surprises me.†Ilya said, frowning as she tapped her lip with one finger. “And disappoints me a little, to be honest.â€
Rin frowned, and then smiled. It would have been something you could have called a sweet smile, if it wasn’t something that made you nervous just looking at it. “It’s just a matter of priorities. Since we couldn’t reach the boy, in the end we compromised and just reached for the unfavorite girl.â€
“Guh.†Ilya frowned, unwilling to admit that had cut. However, she was the kind to always try and return the insult. “That’s just your ego. From his perspective the only voice worth hearing is mine.â€
Compared to the watery blood plasma that touched it, what spilled out of that shell was definitely oil. The result of mixing water and oil is a common expression: they don’t.
Even if it was an illusion, Rin gritted her teeth, clenched her fist, and snarled. But, rather than saying anything, she sighed, unclenched her fist, and relaxed her jaw. “Ilya-chan,†she asked, “Shirou and you are both fine, right?â€
Ilya mumbled agreement, and nodded. “Yeah, but Shirou is boring. All he does is run around saving people from death.â€
Rin opened her mouth, and then closed it again, before finally she spoke. “Ilya... it’s a video game. People don’t die for real.â€
Ilya raised an eyebrow. “There’s a limit to showing off your ignorance, Rin-chan. Didn’t you see the announcement? If we die in the game, he kills us in real life.†Ilya shook her head and went, 'tsk tsk tsk’ before she spoke again. “Even if following the internet news is impossible for you, you should at least be able to watch TV over Tiger’s shoulder. More than three hundred people have died that way, you know?â€
Once more, Rin paused.
Then she spoke. “Ilya, that’s not true.†She squarely met Ilya’s confused glance. “Since the beginning, only the two hundred people that had the helmet pulled off their head died. No one has died in weeks.â€
“Eh?†Ilya’s response was more like a placeholder to buy her time while she thought. “From the inside, if your HP goes to zero, you’re never seen again.†She mused. “Since you’re isolated, it could just look like you’re dead to everyone around you.â€
Rin sighed. “Well, there was a huge uproar when the incident started, but Argus has promised to get everyone out safely, and the government promises to find and punish the ones the ones that did it every time the Diet has a press conference.â€
Ilya considered that. Rather than responding, when she did speak, it was more like she was talking to herself. “I think that I hadn’t realized until now how thoroughly he isolated us.â€
“Eh?†Rin said. “You mean you know who did it?â€
Ilya blinked, opening her mouth, before she closed it again. She glanced down and to the left, before moving her hand, flicking at the air, like she was pushing around a paper that Rin couldn’t see. “Rin,†she said, “I think I’m going to have to call you back.â€
Ilya flicked her Circuit off, ignoring Rin’s confused question. She closed her eyes and breathed in. Even if it was virtual, even if it was a habit that had nothing to do with actually operating her lungs, it was still a helpful ritual. Then she breathed out and opened her eyes.
The message notification was still there.
[Private Message]
[From: Kayaba Akihiko]
But when she was back in the virtual world of Aincrad, she didn’t open it.
Original ending replaced. You can still read it here
She wasn’t sitting on her favorite bench in the southwest corner of the [Starting City].
No, she was floating in the sky. There was no ground beneath her, like she stood on a solidified block of air or a perfectly transparent plate of glass floating unsupported. Far below, the grasses on the field to the east of town fluttered on the wind like waves on the ocean.
And standing across from her, standing upright with his hands casually in the pockets of his white lab coat, was the god of this world, Kayaba Akihiko.
“Ilyasevel von Einzbern.†He said. His voice was flat, expressing neither concern nor anger. It wasn’t a demand that she respond, or a greeting. Compared to that, he was mechanically going through the motions of beginning a conversation.
“Kayaba Akihiko.†She responded. She kept her gaze flat on him, without backing down, without glancing aside, and without apologizing. Her eyes were defiant. Her mouth was pouting a little.
Kayaba was the one who glanced aside and down, putting his hand to his lips in a habitual gesture, and then pausing in something like surprise when he realized there wasn’t a cigarette there.
Kiritsugu had gestured like that sometimes.
Kayaba sighed, putting his hand back in his coat pocket. “Since I didn’t explicitly make it a rule that you aren’t allowed to contact the outside world before now, it wouldn’t be fair to punish you. Well, you didn’t give away anything major, so it’s not a problem.†He paused, moving his head sideways slightly. “However, from this time forward, I am requiring that the isolation of this world remain perfect. Please don’t do anything that will require retaliation.â€
Ilya cocked her head sideways. “Oh? And why should I comply with the demands of trash who would throw away the laws? There’s no reason to obey someone that’s destined to receive a Sealing Designation and be cursed as a Philosopher.†Ilya sniffed, throwing her hair to her side. “What’s stopping me from simply smashing through your Bounded Field and escaping?â€
Kayaba smiled. Similarly to his greeting, it was more like someone moving their face in the appropriate manner rather than someone expressing emotion. “The Contract used to bind you in the World of Aincrad is magecraft at the same level as a Command Seal. A disciple of Makiri Zolgen tells you this.â€
Ilya’s said only “oh,†but it packed a depth of disgust and scorn into that soft syllable, as if she was sneering at someone who proudly called themselves a bug. Although he wasn’t so insecure that his pride would be stung, Kayaba elaborated, primarily to allay her suspicions.
“I was merely a disciple who was taught magecraft. I lacked the necessary traits and alignments, so fortunately I could not become an apprentice that inherited his mysteries. From his perspective I was merely a tool to diagnose the flaws in his Line. I was only taught what was necessary for that reason.â€
Kayaba paused to let her digest that. “The direction of my research was mandated at correcting the flaws in his Line. From that perspective, I was freed from my duties when you destroyed my primary research subject.†Kayaba smiled, a soft and ironic expression. “So from another perspective, I feel a certain appreciation because you removed an annoying task that burdened my own research.â€
After letting Ilya digest that for a few seconds, he spoke again. “This conversation is not proceeding the way I intended. In the first place, I would prefer not to start a fight that would compromise my experiment, let alone one I might not win. Putting my spellwork up against the magecraft of the Einzbern definitely counts as both.â€
“Oh?†Ilya said, with a devilish smile. “So, what are you offering to prevent such a fight, hmm?â€
Kayaba smiled. This time the expression was slightly more authentic. “You are astute. So what I am offering is equivalent exchange. In exchange for sincerely playing my game and cooperating with the rules, I will sincerely cooperate with you.†Kayaba blinked slowly, before meeting Ilya’s gaze. “Let us begin negotiations.â€
Ilya cocked her head to the side. “Release me and Shirou and we won’t report you.â€
Kayaba seriously considered it. “Unfortunately, the media attention you would receive in that scenario is too dangerous to me.†He paused significantly. “Assuming we could even create a mutually acceptable Contract to appropriately bind us, and we were willing to trust the other party to not circumvent it.†He shrugged.
Ilya tapped her lips. “Well, since I already know you aren’t killing people inside the game, why shouldn’t I tell everyone?â€
Kayaba’s voice was once again dead, without emotion. “The integrity of the [Fear of Death] is an absolute requirement. Please don’t mistake my thrift with specimens as mercy.†The coldness lessened as he spoke again. “However, since you already understand what it means to [Walk with Death] then I will exchange a guarantee that your experience in the holding tank would be pleasant, as long as you agree not to tell other players.â€
Ilya paused, considering, before finally she asked. “Why are you doing this?â€
It was a ghost of a real smile that crossed Kayaba’s face. “As I said during the [Launch], please consider that the main plot of the game [Sword Art Online]. It’s bad form for the game designer to spoil the plot.â€
“Tch.†Ilya responded. “You’re no fun at all.†She placed her hand on her hip. “So far I haven’t heard anything that convinces me that I should cooperate with you.â€
Kayaba pulled his hand out of his pocket, and swiped at the air, exactly as if he were a player activating their menu. He navigated deep into a menu that Ilya couldn’t see, moving quickly and confidently. With a final decisive peck of his pointer finger, data materialized around them.
There were time-dependent graphs that were continuously updating. There were bar charts that were comparing multiple values. There were functional diagrams or flow charts with akward shapes like they’d been generated automatically.
They came into existence too fast for Ilya to understand them, but there were labels like [Circuit Capacity] on one of the bar charts, a Radar Chart labeled with [Elements], and a declining stacked line chart labeled [Od Quality]. All of data displays had [Illyasviel Von Einzbern] in their titles.
“My most developed skills as a magus lie in assessing the magical traits of others,†Kayaba explained. “Things like determining the number and quality of Circuits is straightforward. I’ve even managed to develop numerical methods that can be implemented with high confidence using just the data from the NerveGear. Likewise, Elements and Sorcery Traits can be categorized, although I still require more empirical data before I can move those into a fully numerical regime.â€
Kayaba continued. “My magecraft allows me to quantify you. Your Circuits have been changed into the Lesser Grail. They’ve been forcibly cracked open to allow you to circulate the phantasmal entities called [Heroic Spirits] inside them in addition to simply sucking up [Mana]. But in exchange for housing those foreign souls inside your own soul, your own identify becomes flawed. And as those errors accumulate, your functionality as a human breaks down.â€
Kayaba paused for dramatic impact. “In short, I can tell your own Traits are obviously killing you.â€
Ilya did not move before she finally spoke. “So what.†She said. “I already knew that. If anything, it just increases the urgency that I stop wasting time in your game.â€
“So what, huh.†Kayaba said, musing to himself. Finally, he swiped at the menu that Ilya couldn’t see, dismissing the holographic displays so they were once again standing alone. “Imagine if a soul was a computer program. When the Origin condenses and the soul is formed, that is analogous to the program compiling during fetal development. In that case, during compilation, many subroutines that define the individual human are constructed and then called. Physical things like the shape and functionality of the organs, the physical dimensions of height and length, and other genetic factors would be one type of subroutine that are called upon to define a human’s form during their genesis.â€
“In that case, magecraft traits are another subroutine. The number of Circuits, the Elements they can express, even the natural quality are all automatically constructed during the condensation of the Origin. However, in the vast majority of humans, the subroutine is not called and the magical traits are not formed. So the values are defined, but because they aren’t instantiated by the program, when you watch the code execute it’s the same as if they didn’t exist.â€
Kayaba nodded. “But in the case of a magus, then the routine is called and the Traits exist.â€
Ilya, who had already met magi who liked to brag about their research, was already losing patience. In her opinion, there were very few things even more boring them people who liked to talk about their work. “That’s all very cute, but you still haven’t actually said even one convincing thing.â€
“I am a computer programmer and a Numerologist.†Kayaba announced. “Writing and debugging code is what I am best at. If your subroutine is flawed, then I can correct it. I can simply remove the self-destructive Trait from your soul.â€
“What you are offering is direct manipulation of the soul.†Ilya’s question was uncertain, not because she didn’t understand, but because the magnitude of his claim amazed her. Certainly it was important that he could offer her something like salvation, but as a magus of the Einzbern, he was also offering Ilya something much more incredible. “With something like that, could you achieve materialization as well?†She frowned, mind whirling, before speaking again without giving him the change to say anything. “Or rather, it might be feasible to directly reverse dispersion, so the effect could be achieved differently.â€
Kayaba drew in a breath to speak, and then paused, frowning, as he considered her words, stopping himself from saying something to hasty without thinking about it properly. “I don’t know.†He honestly replied, rubbing his chin.
“We can work out the necessary details later. If transference becomes a necessary step, I will provide a flask and a workshop for you to coin a replacement vessel.†Kayaba stuck his hand back in his pocket. “Since research would be required, I must caution that I can’t guarantee a perfect outcome, but I promise my claims are true in principle.â€
Ilya did not respond.
Kayaba summed up his offer. “Sincerely play my [Death Game], and in exchange, I will provide you a full lifespan.†For the first time, his smile was sincere. “More than that. If we cooperate, it might even be possible to recover the Third Magic.â€
Ilya opened her mouth, then closed it. Her expression was soft, distant, and vulnerable.
Kayaba Akihiko studied her for a moment. “As long as you do not disrupt the status quo, you can take as long as you like to consider my offer.†He reached out from his coat again, and operated the menu in front of him.
A notification popped up in front of Ilya. It was a one-sided trade from the [GM] containing a [Teleport Crystal] that was pre-targeted to return her to the [Starting City].
“You have my contact information.†Kayaba said, putting his hand back in his pocket. “Please feel free to [PM] me at any time.†He turned, and walked four steps before stopping, with his back still towards Ilya. “Although I possess appropriate ruthlessness for a magus, I’m not someone who derives pleasure from cruelty. My offer is serious.†With that, he operated the menu one more time, and the teleportation effect started up around him as he disappeared.
For a long time, Ilya stood. She stared at the sky, with the artificial clouds racing across it, even though above the clouds the next floor was visible. She looked at the ground. Somewhere down there Shirou was running around like an idiot.
Ilya reached up, finally, and then she took the [Teleport Crystal] and used it.
2.3 end
I I I
1) On my computer, this is saved in a file called "The Deal v4" because the first three attempts were false starts. For example, starting from Ilya's perspective was too boring, starting from Kayaba's perspective was an infodump. Well, instead of giving Rin a bunch of dialogue explaining what everybody was up to, I just made all that context-implicit in the beginning.
2) I feel like I cranked a dial labeled "melodrama" up to a value of "medium high" or even "high" in this bit of text. If you think it was just too much, let me know. Well, since Sakura is a Woobie, even as Dark Sakura, I was really more concerned with turning the Snow Fairy into the Sad Girl (in Snow) (The snow exists only symbolically). I felt like all the vinegar drained out of her halfway through talking with Kayaba. Well, more like, she didn't oscillate between "vulnerable" and "scary" quite enough here? I think I've already said I find her hard to write.
3) Kayaba... is also hard to write, because he didn't actually say very much in canon, and I completely replaced the most story-important part of him (His Villain Plot Motive) as the Thing That's Different to Explain the Crossover. I guess just let me know if he's out of character? No, he's definitely out of character compared to canon, but let me know if he sounds out of character. There's some elemental Kayaba-ness I want to preserve.
EDIT:
Thanks for the catches Avider!!
EDIT 2:
Fixed some character screwups from the forum software upgrade.
Also, I struck through the replaced stuff and added the replacement content, available in isolation here.
EDIT 3:
No, I didn't; I just cut it (now it's linked in the part that's a standalone rewrite). Also apparently I had copied the whole thing in twice like a super-cool guy, so I fixed that, as long as some screwups on some ellipses.
The time was limited by both the prana stored in the gems and the length of time the candles would burn; the stored prana would last less than a third the time of a candle, so measuring out the same amount of prana into each gem was the most important preparation.
Maybe it's a me problem, but I'm not understanding this sentence. The time was limited by both the prana stored and the length of time the candles would burn? What...are you trying to say?
...it had added bonus of not only isolating the inside, but continuously cleaning it so that a lingering spell wouldn’t unexpectedly interact with a new spell.
If the word had been could, then context would supply that non-telepathic means would be faster, however, since it used would, the reference should be about telepatic communication. But then, the sentence doesn't make sense.
A syringe, filled with a pale yellow fluid. In the past it had been Rin’s blood, but refinement and processing had removed the cells and platelets; now it was just plasma. It was the ritual medium to form a temporary contract so that she could pass her od into Ilya. Compared to other rituals the amount of od that could be transferred in this way was trivial, but only a tiny amount was needed.
“From the inside, if your HP goes to zero, you’re never seen again.†She mused. “Since we’re isolated, it could just look like you’re dead to everyone around you.â€
Kinda stylistic choice, but you switched between you and we. It might overall flow better if you chose one and stick with it.
Now, a thing I just realized, and I should have realized this earlier, is that Kayaba's spellcraft is remarkably similar to the Einzbern, at least in terms of the transferance of the soul. Kayaba's offer to transfer Ilya's soul from her current body to another is essentially what Ilya did to Shirou in HF True. Of course, a simple transfer is not strictly the Einzbern's domain, we have plenty of examples including Zouken, Roa, and of course Rin herself when moving Shirou's soul from the container that Ilya put him in to the doll's body. This is actually a pretty rich area to discuss what exactly is the Third and why what Ilya did to Shirou originally is different from what other people do and...
Er...I was going somewhere with this, but I kinda forgot.
Anyways, needless to say...it's a problem if you're having Ilya's problem be her body, since moving her soul from her current homunculus body to another is a relatively simple procedure and it's not like Kayaba's offering anything she can't do herself. Actually, that's the main problem. He's not offering anything she or Rin can't do themselves.
But, it's something that we can ignore...I guess. I dunno really, since from what I'm reading, he's basically offering to just hold her soul while the Einzbern make a better body for Ilya, when in the first place the Einzbern made Ilya that way especially. It comes back to him not really offering her anything.
When do Asuna and Shirou have a cooking competition? He loves to cook in RL and she ends up with level 1000 cooking skill in SAO. She first meets Kiriko when she sees him trying to sell some rare ingredients that she offers to cook instead.
The chart changed again, growing more complex as multiple states were superimposed. “Based on the tiny amount of data I have here, it is apparent to me that your body is shutting down.†Kayaba shrugged. “If you were in a hospital where I could examine your body directly I could be more precise, but I’m confident you will die within the next eight years.â€
Anyways, needless to say...it's a problem if you're having Ilya's problem be her body, since moving her soul from her current homunculus body to another is a relatively simple procedure and it's not like Kayaba's offering anything she can't do herself. Actually, that's the main problem. He's not offering anything she or Rin can't do themselves.
I wouldn't call it simple. Ilya would probably need the dress of heaven for a proper transfer. Zouken's soul jar has... problems to put it lightly and was it Rin that transferred Shirou over to the puppet body or Touko?
He's not offering anything she or Rin can't do themselves.
I wouldn't call it simple. Ilya would probably need the dress of heaven for a proper transfer. Zouken's soul jar has... problems to put it lightly and was it Rin that transferred Shirou over to the puppet body or Touko?
Kayaba gave a soft grunt as he acknowledged that. “For a normal human it’s impractical. Einzbern alchemy is famous for creating high-quality human vessels. With my spellcraft, the NerveGear can easily pump a soul into the holding tank called Aincrad before pumping it out into another vessel.â€
Ilya did not respond.
“I will prepare a workshop under the hospital and a flask. Please consider me your assistant and I will gather whatever materials you require.â€
No, that's disingenuous. More than anything else, Shirou being an amazing cook who really cares about cooking is something that's been exaggerated to death. I just don't think he's that into cooking, and I don't want to step into that whole mess of fanon. He might get all hipster about how cooking in SAO is too simple and boring or something, but more than anything else, I just don't think it's important enough to the story. I mean, even for Asuna, it was just a vehicle for her to have cute romantic moments with Kirito.
Ryune said:
daniel_gudman said:
Kayaba shrugged. “If you were in a hospital where I could examine your body directly I could be more precise, but I’m confident you will die within the next eight years.â€
It's supposed to be eight years; Kayaba's guess is conservative because he doesn't have accuracy. Well, if that confused anybody else, let me know and I'll change it, because it doesn't really matter so that would be pointless confusion that you might mistake for, like, foreshadowing.
Now stuff Avider brought up!
(Thanks for fixing the tedious stuff. I guess it's really apparent which parts I rewrote like three times, huh?? Well, I should have done a better job proofreading in the first place).
Avider said:
I'm not exactly sure why you decided to make this so. What's the purpose of using plasma instead of blood?
I would bet a dollar that you already know the answer to this. There's no guarantee they have the same blood type, so it's to eliminate the possibility that Ilya gets thrombosis.
I guess I could swing the approach that Ilya's problems are purely physical, but compared to that, I'm actually more excited to make it something closer to the Third and speculate more wildly about the Nasuverse.
Maybe change his estimate on Ilya's remaining lifespan to ten months to six years (or something similar). As it stands, you're likely to get lots of people thinking you misspoke. This way people will know you didn't mistype, and I believe people usually give a range on estimates anyways.
Regardless, good work so far. I look forward to seeing more.