Full House
Summary: No, this is not a Naruto/Full House crossover, promise! No, it's just Naruto having to adapt to living with three new roomies.
"AAAAAH!" Naruto cried out, dropping his crutches and stumbling backwards in the doorway at the sight that greeted him when he opened the door. He cursed, as the unexpected move caused his broken ankle to remind him just why he was supposed to stay off it. "You guys!" he exclaimed, tumbling backwards onto his ass, staring up at the trio from the Sand. "What are you doing here?!" he demanded to know, trying desperately to gloss over the fact that seeing Gaara had scared the shit out of him.
"We will be staying here for now." Gaara informed him, strolling inside and glancing around the cluttered appartment.
"What?!" Naruto demanded, awkwardly getting back onto his feet and snatching up the crutches, supressing the pained faces he would have made if he hadn't had company at the moment.
"Got any food around here? I'm starving." Kankurou grunted, snorting dismissively at Naruto's home. "Fuck, moron. Don't you ever clean?" he inquired, gesturing at the messy surroundings.
"What did you say, fatso?!" Naruto demanded, his eyes flashing with just barely restrained rage. "You're the moron, moron! What the hell are you three doing here?!"
"Gaara turned down an offer from the Hokage to stay at her place as we were planning to get a place of our own. But..." Temari started, then sighed and clenched her hands. "Nobody wanted to rent or sell anything to us 'sand bastards'!" she spat out.
"So why the hell are you here instead of with Old Lady Tsunade?" Naruto yelled, causing both Temari and Kankurou to glance over at Gaara for a split second. "Go to her. She offered!"
"We will be staying here." Gaara stated with a note of finality in his emotionless voice.
"And that's how it is." Temari muttered under her breath. While Gaara had gotten somewhat better recently, she still wouldn't even dare to think about going against his decisions. When she had suggested going back to Tsunade and telling her that they had changed their mind, Gaara had glared at her for a few moments, then halted a passerby and demanded to know where Naruto lived.
What had caused him to look up the blonde brat was completely beyond her, but there was nothing else to do but go along with him. She hadn't even known that he intended for them to stay here, until he had informed Naruto about it.
"But... You can't just..." Naruto blabbed.
"We will be staying here." Gaara repeated, looking coldly at Naruto who stared right back at him for nearly a minute, before caving in.
"Fine!" he shouted, shaking his head, before looking around the small appartment. Where the hell were they supposed to stay? He had a kitchen, his bedroom, a water closet with a shower cabin and a small living room. How were four people supposed to live here? "I guess, you can sleep here." he said, gesturing at the living room. "The bathroom is over there." he added, pointing to the door to the room in question.
"In case you haven't noticed, I'm a girl." Temari interjected with a strained smile and a pointed glare. "What's that?" she asked, pointing at the last door.
"That's my bedroom." Naruto responded hesitantly.
"Not anymore." Termari decided. "You guys sleep out here, I'll take that room."
"What?! No way! That's my room. This is my appartment! I'm sleeping in *MY* room!" Naruto protested.
"The only way you'll be sleeping in that room, is if you share a futon with me and I don't see that happening anytime soon, brat!" Temari snorted. "Unless you're richer then you seem and hung like a horse to boot." she ammended. "Not to mention willing to sleep with me, with my brothers in the next room over." she finished, with a toothy smirk. Kankurou glared angrily at Naruto, while Gaara merely stared impassively at Naruto, who instantly realized that even if he actually had been willing to go through with it, it would be a seriously bad idea.
"WHAT?!" Naruto hollered, blushing furiously. "No way am I going to sleep with you!" he protested.
"Then it's decided. I sleep in your room, you sleep out here with my brothers." Temari announced.
"No way! I'm sleeping in my room." Naruto insisted.
"So you do want to sleep with me?" Temari asked, faking a blush and holding her hands to her face.
"No! They're your brothers, you sleep with them out here!" Naruto snapped.
"Kyaaaa! Pervert!" Temari exclaimed, supressing a satisfied smirk. "They're my brothers!" she protested.
"What? No, I didn't mean it that way!" Naruto responded, blushing even harder now.
"Well, I'm sleeping in there." Temari announced, pointing at his bedroom. "That's just the way things are." she added, before Naruto had time to protest. "Where you sleep, is up to you. But if you try to join me in there..." she finished and held up a clenched fist, hefting it suggestively.
"But... This is *my* appartment!" Naruto wailed.
"Oh, suck it up, cry-baby! It's just until we've found a place of our own. How hard can that be?" Kankurou snapped.
***
"'How hard can that be', he said. What a total moron." Naruto groused as he hobbled over to the stove to get started on the evenings meal, gazing longingly at his supply of cup ramen, before he let out a tired sigh and started chopping up vegetables. After two days of nothing but ramen for breakfast, lunch and dinner, Temari had slugged him, throwing him right across the room. After he got up and asked what the hell her problem was, Kankurou had proceeded to dump the four cups of ramen over Naruto. Gaara had remained silent, but Naruto couldn't help but think that there had been a certain amount of... ... Relief? ... In his eyes, as Kankurou ruined the ramen.
Temari had then proceeded to explain to him, how she was going to strip him naked, strap him down and then pluck out every single hair on his entire body, one by one, if he served ramen more then once every third day.
As a result, Naruto had reluctantly made use of a previously unused cook book he'd received as a present from Sakura-chan for his last birthday, after she had heard what he usually ate and decided that he needed to eat healthier food.
He had scoffed and protested, claiming that there was no better food then ramen, but had kept the book none the less. Cherished it, even. After all, it was the first birthday gift he had ever received from anyone other then the old geezer and Iruka.
He chuckled as he made hasty work of a couple of carrots. He'd even gotten a presents from Kakashi and... Sasuke. His chuckles abruptly stopped, as he was reminded of that Uchiha bastard Sasuke. He clutched his shoulder, cursing the ghost pains that suddenly made themselves known again. According to the doctors, there was nothing wrong with it, but it still hurt like hell from time to time.
He had a scar there as well, he'd never had any scars before. Well, other then the whisker marks on his face and he wasn't all that sure that those were actual scars.
All his injuries usually healed very quickly, leaving no traces left behind. This one, did. He had several others as well now. He didn't know why. Something to do with the cursed seal on Sasuke, perhaps? Or something to do with the Chidori? He wasn't sure and didn't really care. At least now he had something to show for these injuries, something that made him a bit less of a freak. The fact that he never got scars, hadn't really struck him as odd, until he found out that others did.
The fact that it was Sasuke who had managed to give him these, was somewhat of a sore point, however.
"Damn you, Sasuke. Bastard." he grunted, cutting up a handful of pork, before tossing it into the wok.
"We're home." a tired female call came from the door, as his annoying 'houseguests' returned.
"Any luck?" Naruto inquired instantly instead of using a more normal greeting, thought he didn't hold much hope for that. After all, the siblings hadn't managed to find a single house or appartment to rent or buy for the two weeks they had been staying in Konoha. He didn't expect today to be any different, though he did hope.
"Eager to get rid of us, sucker?" Kankurou inquired.
"Of course, you overweight asshole." Naruto instantly replied as he spun around, wok and wooden ladle in his hands. "You think I like having an idiot like you around?"
"Shut up, you freak." Kankurou snapped, glancing aside at Temari, before he directed his glare back at Naruto. "And stop staring at my sister, you pervert!"
"Who are you calling a pervert, doll-lover?" Naruto retorted, moving his roaming eyes from Temari in a new dress he hadn't seen before. "What with those magasines and tissues you hid in your over-sized dolly, you're hardly one to talk." he snorted.
"You like?" Temari inquired, spinning around and showing off her new outfit. While the siblings had a fair amount of money as a result of their family, there hadn't really been any opportunities to spend much of it back in the Sand. Konoha, with all the stores, peddlers and craftsmen, was a paradise to Temari who spent at least an hour every day exploring the market district.
"Stop drooling over my sister, you blonde-haired leecher!" Kankurou snarled.
"Feh, like I'd be interested in that fla-a-a-a-a..." Naruto started to protest, only to trail off as he realized that what he had just been about to call Temari would probably lead to instant pain. /Violent chick.../ he mentally groused. "I'm not drooling." he muttered, spinning around and putting the wok back on the stove.
"So, you do like it?" Temari inquired, choosing to ignore the fact that Naruto had no doubt been about to call her a flat-chested... Something... For now, at least. She'd get him for it later. She looked down at herself, nodding with silent approval. The slitted dress fitted her to a T, showed off her shapely legs, clung decoratively and was snug in all the right places. Kankurou had been dead set against her buying it and snarled several times on the way back to Naruto's appartment whenever a set of rowing eyes lingered a little too long on her.
"It's great!" Naruto hastily responded, well conditioned after these two weeks to instantly give a similar response whenever Temari inquired something about an outfit or something about her own personal appearance. After the beating he'd received after responding with 'I guess... Perhaps...' when she had asked him if a particular dress had made her ass look fat, he'd hastily discarded honesty, chosing to instead pay close attention to his survival instincts.
"Pervert..." Kankurou growled, causing Naruto to sigh again. The dolly-lovin' pig in black took swift offence to anyone who dared to even look side-ways at Temari and had for some reason appointed Naruto as enemy number one, never missing an opportunity to verbally abuse their reluctant host.
Naruto was well used to such things, however, and didn't really let it bother him. After all, he had been public enemy number one for as long he could remember. Besides, his relationship with Kankurou reminded him of how things had been with Sasuke, before that rat bastard tried to run away from Konoha. Having Kankurou around was oddly comforting, in a weird sort of way.
His relationship with Temari was just about the same, though he feared her more then he ever had Sasuke. She was scary! She could get upset for the most trivial of reasons, shrug off things Naruto himself would have found incredibly offensive, went through wildly varied moods at the drop of a kunai and generally kept him on his toes at all times. Girls were just so... So... So... Troublesome! /Shikamaru is right, they're all trouble./
Much to his surprise, Gaara was the least troublesome member of the sand trio. While his emotionless glares could be extremly unsettling, he had yet to insult or physically abuse Naruto. He was quiet, only rarely saying something and most of those few times, were due to being asked a question. He had also handed Naruto a substantial amount of money after the first week, muttering something about 'rent', before stalking out of the appartment, not returning until late in the evening.
Naruto had been positively giddy at the unexpected increase of his personal funds. He'd never been well off, to say the least, having lived off wellfare until he became a Genin. But the sick pay he was currently collecting, was just barely enough for him to scrape by with. The addition of three roomies had started to seriously eat into his savings, when Gaara handed him the money.
More then enough to pay for the food they ate over the week. In fact, it had been about four months worth of rent, electricity, water, garbage and food for Naruto himself. The amount had astounded Naruto at first, but he'd slowly come to realize that it was but a minor sum to the three siblings. After all, Temari went shopping every day and didn't seem to worry overly much about how much money she spent.
Being the Kage's kids had some advantages, Naruto guessed. Though being spawned by the sort of man who'd bind a monster to his son at birth wasn't something he'd wish for himself even if he got money out of it. /What sort of freak could possibly to that to their own kid?/ he wondered while his thoughts moved on to silent ponderings about what his own parents might have been like, as they so often did when family was brought up.
He'd never known his parents, hadn't even been told their names.
Was that better or worse then knowing that your father was an inhumane freak?
Summary: No, this is not a Naruto/Full House crossover, promise! No, it's just Naruto having to adapt to living with three new roomies.
"AAAAAH!" Naruto cried out, dropping his crutches and stumbling backwards in the doorway at the sight that greeted him when he opened the door. He cursed, as the unexpected move caused his broken ankle to remind him just why he was supposed to stay off it. "You guys!" he exclaimed, tumbling backwards onto his ass, staring up at the trio from the Sand. "What are you doing here?!" he demanded to know, trying desperately to gloss over the fact that seeing Gaara had scared the shit out of him.
"We will be staying here for now." Gaara informed him, strolling inside and glancing around the cluttered appartment.
"What?!" Naruto demanded, awkwardly getting back onto his feet and snatching up the crutches, supressing the pained faces he would have made if he hadn't had company at the moment.
"Got any food around here? I'm starving." Kankurou grunted, snorting dismissively at Naruto's home. "Fuck, moron. Don't you ever clean?" he inquired, gesturing at the messy surroundings.
"What did you say, fatso?!" Naruto demanded, his eyes flashing with just barely restrained rage. "You're the moron, moron! What the hell are you three doing here?!"
"Gaara turned down an offer from the Hokage to stay at her place as we were planning to get a place of our own. But..." Temari started, then sighed and clenched her hands. "Nobody wanted to rent or sell anything to us 'sand bastards'!" she spat out.
"So why the hell are you here instead of with Old Lady Tsunade?" Naruto yelled, causing both Temari and Kankurou to glance over at Gaara for a split second. "Go to her. She offered!"
"We will be staying here." Gaara stated with a note of finality in his emotionless voice.
"And that's how it is." Temari muttered under her breath. While Gaara had gotten somewhat better recently, she still wouldn't even dare to think about going against his decisions. When she had suggested going back to Tsunade and telling her that they had changed their mind, Gaara had glared at her for a few moments, then halted a passerby and demanded to know where Naruto lived.
What had caused him to look up the blonde brat was completely beyond her, but there was nothing else to do but go along with him. She hadn't even known that he intended for them to stay here, until he had informed Naruto about it.
"But... You can't just..." Naruto blabbed.
"We will be staying here." Gaara repeated, looking coldly at Naruto who stared right back at him for nearly a minute, before caving in.
"Fine!" he shouted, shaking his head, before looking around the small appartment. Where the hell were they supposed to stay? He had a kitchen, his bedroom, a water closet with a shower cabin and a small living room. How were four people supposed to live here? "I guess, you can sleep here." he said, gesturing at the living room. "The bathroom is over there." he added, pointing to the door to the room in question.
"In case you haven't noticed, I'm a girl." Temari interjected with a strained smile and a pointed glare. "What's that?" she asked, pointing at the last door.
"That's my bedroom." Naruto responded hesitantly.
"Not anymore." Termari decided. "You guys sleep out here, I'll take that room."
"What?! No way! That's my room. This is my appartment! I'm sleeping in *MY* room!" Naruto protested.
"The only way you'll be sleeping in that room, is if you share a futon with me and I don't see that happening anytime soon, brat!" Temari snorted. "Unless you're richer then you seem and hung like a horse to boot." she ammended. "Not to mention willing to sleep with me, with my brothers in the next room over." she finished, with a toothy smirk. Kankurou glared angrily at Naruto, while Gaara merely stared impassively at Naruto, who instantly realized that even if he actually had been willing to go through with it, it would be a seriously bad idea.
"WHAT?!" Naruto hollered, blushing furiously. "No way am I going to sleep with you!" he protested.
"Then it's decided. I sleep in your room, you sleep out here with my brothers." Temari announced.
"No way! I'm sleeping in my room." Naruto insisted.
"So you do want to sleep with me?" Temari asked, faking a blush and holding her hands to her face.
"No! They're your brothers, you sleep with them out here!" Naruto snapped.
"Kyaaaa! Pervert!" Temari exclaimed, supressing a satisfied smirk. "They're my brothers!" she protested.
"What? No, I didn't mean it that way!" Naruto responded, blushing even harder now.
"Well, I'm sleeping in there." Temari announced, pointing at his bedroom. "That's just the way things are." she added, before Naruto had time to protest. "Where you sleep, is up to you. But if you try to join me in there..." she finished and held up a clenched fist, hefting it suggestively.
"But... This is *my* appartment!" Naruto wailed.
"Oh, suck it up, cry-baby! It's just until we've found a place of our own. How hard can that be?" Kankurou snapped.
***
"'How hard can that be', he said. What a total moron." Naruto groused as he hobbled over to the stove to get started on the evenings meal, gazing longingly at his supply of cup ramen, before he let out a tired sigh and started chopping up vegetables. After two days of nothing but ramen for breakfast, lunch and dinner, Temari had slugged him, throwing him right across the room. After he got up and asked what the hell her problem was, Kankurou had proceeded to dump the four cups of ramen over Naruto. Gaara had remained silent, but Naruto couldn't help but think that there had been a certain amount of... ... Relief? ... In his eyes, as Kankurou ruined the ramen.
Temari had then proceeded to explain to him, how she was going to strip him naked, strap him down and then pluck out every single hair on his entire body, one by one, if he served ramen more then once every third day.
As a result, Naruto had reluctantly made use of a previously unused cook book he'd received as a present from Sakura-chan for his last birthday, after she had heard what he usually ate and decided that he needed to eat healthier food.
He had scoffed and protested, claiming that there was no better food then ramen, but had kept the book none the less. Cherished it, even. After all, it was the first birthday gift he had ever received from anyone other then the old geezer and Iruka.
He chuckled as he made hasty work of a couple of carrots. He'd even gotten a presents from Kakashi and... Sasuke. His chuckles abruptly stopped, as he was reminded of that Uchiha bastard Sasuke. He clutched his shoulder, cursing the ghost pains that suddenly made themselves known again. According to the doctors, there was nothing wrong with it, but it still hurt like hell from time to time.
He had a scar there as well, he'd never had any scars before. Well, other then the whisker marks on his face and he wasn't all that sure that those were actual scars.
All his injuries usually healed very quickly, leaving no traces left behind. This one, did. He had several others as well now. He didn't know why. Something to do with the cursed seal on Sasuke, perhaps? Or something to do with the Chidori? He wasn't sure and didn't really care. At least now he had something to show for these injuries, something that made him a bit less of a freak. The fact that he never got scars, hadn't really struck him as odd, until he found out that others did.
The fact that it was Sasuke who had managed to give him these, was somewhat of a sore point, however.
"Damn you, Sasuke. Bastard." he grunted, cutting up a handful of pork, before tossing it into the wok.
"We're home." a tired female call came from the door, as his annoying 'houseguests' returned.
"Any luck?" Naruto inquired instantly instead of using a more normal greeting, thought he didn't hold much hope for that. After all, the siblings hadn't managed to find a single house or appartment to rent or buy for the two weeks they had been staying in Konoha. He didn't expect today to be any different, though he did hope.
"Eager to get rid of us, sucker?" Kankurou inquired.
"Of course, you overweight asshole." Naruto instantly replied as he spun around, wok and wooden ladle in his hands. "You think I like having an idiot like you around?"
"Shut up, you freak." Kankurou snapped, glancing aside at Temari, before he directed his glare back at Naruto. "And stop staring at my sister, you pervert!"
"Who are you calling a pervert, doll-lover?" Naruto retorted, moving his roaming eyes from Temari in a new dress he hadn't seen before. "What with those magasines and tissues you hid in your over-sized dolly, you're hardly one to talk." he snorted.
"You like?" Temari inquired, spinning around and showing off her new outfit. While the siblings had a fair amount of money as a result of their family, there hadn't really been any opportunities to spend much of it back in the Sand. Konoha, with all the stores, peddlers and craftsmen, was a paradise to Temari who spent at least an hour every day exploring the market district.
"Stop drooling over my sister, you blonde-haired leecher!" Kankurou snarled.
"Feh, like I'd be interested in that fla-a-a-a-a..." Naruto started to protest, only to trail off as he realized that what he had just been about to call Temari would probably lead to instant pain. /Violent chick.../ he mentally groused. "I'm not drooling." he muttered, spinning around and putting the wok back on the stove.
"So, you do like it?" Temari inquired, choosing to ignore the fact that Naruto had no doubt been about to call her a flat-chested... Something... For now, at least. She'd get him for it later. She looked down at herself, nodding with silent approval. The slitted dress fitted her to a T, showed off her shapely legs, clung decoratively and was snug in all the right places. Kankurou had been dead set against her buying it and snarled several times on the way back to Naruto's appartment whenever a set of rowing eyes lingered a little too long on her.
"It's great!" Naruto hastily responded, well conditioned after these two weeks to instantly give a similar response whenever Temari inquired something about an outfit or something about her own personal appearance. After the beating he'd received after responding with 'I guess... Perhaps...' when she had asked him if a particular dress had made her ass look fat, he'd hastily discarded honesty, chosing to instead pay close attention to his survival instincts.
"Pervert..." Kankurou growled, causing Naruto to sigh again. The dolly-lovin' pig in black took swift offence to anyone who dared to even look side-ways at Temari and had for some reason appointed Naruto as enemy number one, never missing an opportunity to verbally abuse their reluctant host.
Naruto was well used to such things, however, and didn't really let it bother him. After all, he had been public enemy number one for as long he could remember. Besides, his relationship with Kankurou reminded him of how things had been with Sasuke, before that rat bastard tried to run away from Konoha. Having Kankurou around was oddly comforting, in a weird sort of way.
His relationship with Temari was just about the same, though he feared her more then he ever had Sasuke. She was scary! She could get upset for the most trivial of reasons, shrug off things Naruto himself would have found incredibly offensive, went through wildly varied moods at the drop of a kunai and generally kept him on his toes at all times. Girls were just so... So... So... Troublesome! /Shikamaru is right, they're all trouble./
Much to his surprise, Gaara was the least troublesome member of the sand trio. While his emotionless glares could be extremly unsettling, he had yet to insult or physically abuse Naruto. He was quiet, only rarely saying something and most of those few times, were due to being asked a question. He had also handed Naruto a substantial amount of money after the first week, muttering something about 'rent', before stalking out of the appartment, not returning until late in the evening.
Naruto had been positively giddy at the unexpected increase of his personal funds. He'd never been well off, to say the least, having lived off wellfare until he became a Genin. But the sick pay he was currently collecting, was just barely enough for him to scrape by with. The addition of three roomies had started to seriously eat into his savings, when Gaara handed him the money.
More then enough to pay for the food they ate over the week. In fact, it had been about four months worth of rent, electricity, water, garbage and food for Naruto himself. The amount had astounded Naruto at first, but he'd slowly come to realize that it was but a minor sum to the three siblings. After all, Temari went shopping every day and didn't seem to worry overly much about how much money she spent.
Being the Kage's kids had some advantages, Naruto guessed. Though being spawned by the sort of man who'd bind a monster to his son at birth wasn't something he'd wish for himself even if he got money out of it. /What sort of freak could possibly to that to their own kid?/ he wondered while his thoughts moved on to silent ponderings about what his own parents might have been like, as they so often did when family was brought up.
He'd never known his parents, hadn't even been told their names.
Was that better or worse then knowing that your father was an inhumane freak?
