Heaven's Lost Ed


Random phantom.
I think the title says anything.

ATTENTION EVERYONE: Don't bring up anything happening after chapter 50. Yes, I know the series has been going on for longer than that. Guess what? I'm not reading it online. So although I have some knowledge of things, I'd like not to be mad at anyone for writing things they were told not to.

Disclaimer: Gravy!


It was another boring summer day in Peach Creek. Birds were singing, pants were dead, and the local Cul-de-Sac kids were having fun together, as they were always wont to do. Right now, they were playing a fun game of tag football near the playground, although it was mostly a game between local tough guy Kevin, foreigner farmhand Rolf, and local weird kid Jonny, with Nazz, Sarah and Jimmy watching from the sidelines.

Normally, the peace and quiet would have been ruined by our favorite trio of scammers and friends, the mismatched boys collectively known as the Eds, but today the kids at the cul-de-sac had nothing to worry about, being too busy with their own games. The truth was that they were currently hanging out at their 'Central Command', the name they had given to the awesome van they had found during one of their earlier misadventures that year. While Ed made loud vehicle noises, Eddy focused on working the steering wheel, using a pair of platform shoes to slam on the pedals.

"Alright boys, let's get ready!" he declared, with a grin. "We're approaching Fort Knox! It's time to use the Eddymobile's weapons to invade and conquer!"

Edd barely held back his own chuckles, as he saw how much the others had gotten into it. His imagination was working just as well, so he could picture the group on the road to an even bigger version of a giant money strongbox, but he also pictured all forms of guards and defenses ahead of them. "Eddy, there's still time to turn back!" he said, pretending he was concerned. "We don't need to do this!"

"Oh please!" was the response, maybe a bit more bitter than expected. "It's the chance of a lifetime! This is our only chance to do what no other criminal masterminds have ever done before!"

"And it means fighting English supervillains, Double D!" Ed added, between loud noises. "Like the Smug Man and the Smog Man and the Rain Man!"

"I don't think that last one was a British supervillain, Ed-" the sock-headed boy let out, just before Eddy slammed on the brake; to simulate the effect, Ed pushed their seats as far as they could, throwing them against the van front. "-OOF!"

"Grr… way to go, Lumpy!" Eddy complained, the short boy taking one look at the window. "Activate all weapons!"

With that, Ed suddenly started yelling out a whole lot of sounds, between WHOOSHes and KABOOMs and RA-TA-TA-TA-TAs. That in itself was pretty surprising, but the most impressive part was how the big yellow boy was managing to cry out in stereo. Even Edd and Eddy were staring at him with eyes wide, like the time when Edd had revealed himself to be a prodigy at the steel pedal guitar.

After doing that for a minute straight, Ed suddenly stopped. He tried doing some motions with his hands, but his mouth only let out the sound of a gun clicking uselessly. "Out of ammo!" he let out, after that.

Eddy took a couple of seconds to react. "H-huh? Oh! Right!" he let out, turning back to the window. "It seems like we've got most of the guards, but the building is still stand-"

A loud noise broke their attention again, although it wasn't just a noise; Central Command was rocked like crazy, sending the boys against the walls of the van and rolling like crazy, the water bed shaking like it was made of gelatin or something. Once everything stopped spinning, the Eds took a couple of seconds to recover, eyes still closed.

"Ugh, what just happened?" Eddy groaned, shaking his head only to find it made him even dizzier. "Was that an earthquake or something?"

"Eddy, Peach Creek isn't even close to the edges of the North American seismic plates," Edd explained, hoping he could keep his breakfast in his stomach even now. "It was also too brief to be a proper earth tremor, at any rate."

"Maybe it's an alien probe sent by the planet Zoltar!" Ed suggested, currently upside-down and with his head having bent the van's flooring somehow.

After getting out of the van, they saw that the big mountain of garbage piled up right besides their van had just disappeared somehow. "…what was that?" Eddy asked the others, as they stared at the crater that had formed right there.

Edd scratched the back of his head, unsure. "I don't know, Eddy… I admit I wasn't looking over there when the garbage tower exploded like that, but there isn't much that could have done this."

"Ooh! Ooh! It's an alien probe sent by the planet Zoltar!" Ed repeated, grinning. That only led to another groan from the other boys.

"Ed, I'm sure that it would be nothing of the sort," Edd said, even as Eddy started to approach the crater. "Of course, it could have been a meteorite or even one of the satellites that have been falling back on Earth these last few months, but-"

"Well that's got to be the weirdest satellite I ever saw!" the short boy interrupted him, drawing their attention. He looked awfully sweaty and nervous now, his face having turned redder than it usually was. "Check that out!"

As they looked past the crater's limits, Ed and Edd's eyes widened in a way that only happened when they were truly scared or shocked, and sweat started to pour down their faces. Lying on the ground was a big girl, at least as tall as Edd (hat included), with red hair and pale skin. She was dressed in what seemed like a white dress, although whoever had designed it had no sense of when to stop cutting; there was nothing on the neckline aside from a big black collar, and her dress started on her chest, while her cleavage line went as low as her bellybutton.

Not that any of the Eds had noticed that yet, because their eyes were practically glued to her large breasts, which were almost completely exposed thanks to the cut-off nature of the dress. Then there was her skirt, small enough to barely cover her bottoms, and designed to not give much modesty to her as well; Eddy was the first one to notice that, as well as the way her boots and stockings were designed.

But it was with a strange, ruffling noise that the three finally noticed the most surprising feature of that girl. Behind her, spread onto the ground, was a pair of pink-ish wings, quite large and spreading through much of the crater's bottom.

Edd was the first one to speak. "What… what is that?" he let out, looking at the wings with plenty of curiosity. Eddy was busy gauging the attractiveness of the girl to the fact that an entire mountain of junk and garbage had been destroyed and their van was nearly sent flying away.

Being unused to such attractiveness, it won by far against his better judgement, so much so that he hadn't even noticed that yet.

However, the short boy didn't have a chance to act on that either; Ed suddenly smiled in that dopey way of his. "Look, guys! It's a harpea!" the yellow-skinned boy cried out, climbing past the crater limits and starting to go downhill.

"What do you think you're doing, burrhead?!" Eddy let out, as both he and Edd grabbed onto his jacket and started pulling back; just because he wasn't really scared of the girl didn't mean he thought it was a good idea to let Ed trample his way forward like that.

"But Eddy! It's a cool harpea!" Ed answered, not losing his initial momentum. Edd forced his feet down to the ground the best he could, feeling it grind and push up dirt, but he refused to let go even as his friend dragged them along.

"Ed, listen! You can't just go around looking at things just because you think they're 'cool', or else you're going to…" Neither Ed nor Eddy were really paying attention at this point, as the sock-headed boy started yet another one of his rants, and the former started resorting to stomping his way forward to the unconscious girl. With one last big step, he swung both arms forward, finally loosening them from his friends.

Of course, neither of them expecte the loud WHUMP that came when Double-D was unlucky enough to meet his namesake facefirst, the large and soft breasts quivering and wobbling. Despite their softness, they were solid enough that his head was stuck, as he discovered when trying to pull it out of there.

Eddy would have yelled at Ed for being a moron, but the sight of his other best friend stuck on a girl's breasts was too unfair and hilarious for him to ignore. "Come on, Lumpy, we've gotta get Sockhead out of there!" he said, and Ed saluted with one finger on his nose.

"Okey dokey!" he declared, grabbing onto Edd's body and starting to pull. Much to his surprise, however, his mighty strength was not enough to rescue Edd from the bountiful prison he was trapped in, and it took a few more pulls before he managed to - the last pull being so hard that Ed fell back against the crater wall, Sockhead in his arms.

For a few seconds, Edd could say nothing. To begin with, he was still out of air, and the struggle to get out of that trap was enough to exhaust him significantly. More importantly, however, Eddy had his hands on the girl's shoulders, having pulled her as well to try and get him out. And yet, he was glaring at him, quite frankly.

"E… Eddy?" he breathed out, at last. The short boy continued to glare at him for a few more seconds, before finally speaking.

"How was it?" he asked, his tone surprisingly restrained compared to the glare he seemed to be giving. After he didn't answer, Eddy pressed on. "Come on, what was it like?"

"What was it like to… what?" the hat-wearing boy repeated, not quite sure, and then the other boy rolled his eyes.

"Why am I not surprised?" Eddy finally smirked in that way that could be so annoying at times. "Hey Burrhead, check it out! Double-D just got to first base with that girl's chest and he doesn't even remember it!"

"Double-D found treasure?" Ed asked, the expression flying over his head faster than a cruiser at full speed. "Oh boy, Double-D! I never saw you take that girl's treasure chest and take it to your secret base! How did you do that?"

Edd was too busy going red at what Eddy had said to try and make sense of Ed's insane ramblings. He just tapped his fingers for a few seconds, his sweat building up by the bucketload now. "U-um, I, er…"

Eddy would have found the scene hilarious, but years of dealing with Ed meant he could tell when saying something would lead to incessant and needless questioning, and this was clearly one of those times. "Like I said, he doesn't even remember it, Lumpy," he said, hoping that would end Ed's interest in the subject for now. Then, he propped the girl back into a sitting position. "More importantly, what do we do with this girl?"

"Obviously we should take her to the hospital at once, Eddy!" Edd managed to say, after wiping his brow with a sterilized handkerchief he always kept at hand. "She must have injured herself when-"

"Injured herself? Are you kidding me?" the short boy cut him off, moving her arms and head awkwardly. "Just look at her! There isn't even a bruise or dirt on her! And not even a bit of junk underneath!" While he continued to fool around, making her breasts bounce with each action and driving the other two boys back into a sweaty, nervous state, he pulled on one of her wings. "And look! These things are stuck to her! She's like an angel or something!"

"D-don't be silly, Eddy…" Edd let out, nervous. "E-even if they existed, it's not like a-angels would h-have genders, and… well, I'm s-sure that n-none of them would look female…"

"Do angels fall like shooting stars?" Ed asked, both eyes aimed at the exact opposite direction from each other. "Ooh! Ooh! Let's find more angels!"

Edd struggled to sigh. "Ed, I already told you, there is no such thing as angels…" he said, looking away from her just enough to speak reasonably again. Eddy tugged on her wings.

"Well, either this is the most realistic mannequin I've ever seen or this is an angel, guys," he said, before lowering his arms with a huge grin. "Can you imagine how much the kids would pay to see a real angel?"

"Eddy, that's not an angel." Now the hat-wearing boy was starting to get unhappy, as he made his way to Eddy. "Angels are just the figments of an overactive imagination created by a strong belief in religious concepts which are, in and of themselves, not necessarily real. I'm sure there's a logical explanation behind this…"

Just as he had grabbed onto her arm, however, the girl's eyes opened, revealing a deep red color that seemed to lack in actual irises. "…h-huh?!" he let out, just as the other Eds realized something had changed, trying to get a better look at her.

"Beginning Imprinting…" she said, in a low and sweet voice, before the chain on her collar started to form. Edd's eyes widened as the chain materialized from nowhere, going down to where his hand had been, and following it all the way to his palm - where it suddenly wrapped around, tightening in the most realistic manner he had ever seen.

Their jaws fell as the girl loosened herself from Eddy's grip, kneeling before him. "Greetings, My Master. I am an Entertainment-Class Angeloid of the Alpha-Type, Ikaros," she said, her wings flapping a bit to adjust themselves. "I have been sent here to serve you."

There was a moment of silence in the junkyard, right after she said that.

And then there was the thud when Edd fainted and hit the ground, back first.


The part I'm willing to put up to vote: Ikaros imprinting on Edd or not? After all, different Masters means different reactions.


Well-Known Member
ah that was funny. everyones in character, including Ed.