This is something the Ero_Sennin and I wrote up in IM, hence why it's in this format. It's not substantial enough for a real story, but it's not really an idea either. However, for a lack of a better place to put it, here it is.
The concept's pretty simple: Like the old time Goofy shorts such as <a href='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kQ83_4RdkA' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>"How to Play Baseball"</a> and <a href='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jqe3cQ83JYQ&feature=related' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>"How to Be a Sailor"</a>, this is a "short" about NERV's operations and the Evangelion pilots.
Enjoy.
The concept's pretty simple: Like the old time Goofy shorts such as <a href='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kQ83_4RdkA' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>"How to Play Baseball"</a> and <a href='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jqe3cQ83JYQ&feature=related' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>"How to Be a Sailor"</a>, this is a "short" about NERV's operations and the Evangelion pilots.
Enjoy.
Narrator: Here we find our stalwart defenders of humanity, the Evangelion pilot. Expertly trained from youth for this most vital of assignments, he or she holds in his hands the fate of humanity!
Shinji: Something bad's going to happen to us, isn't it?
Asuka: *Shrugs*
Rei: *looking blank*
Narrator: To start, all Evangelion pilots are trained rigorously to be physically fit and mentally alert.
Asuka: Sure am!
Shinji: Um...I exercise, I guess...
Rei: I train as I am directed to.
Narrator: Using scientifically proven methods of exercise. To start with is proper breath control, the basis of all physical activity! Breathe in... Breathe out. Breathe in... Breathe out.
Asuka: *Breathes*
Shinji: *In and out, in and out*
Rei: *Breathes*
Narrator: Breathe in... Now, due to the requirements of their profession, the Evangelion pilots breathe oxygenated liquid while inside their Evangelions, in order to maximize their link to their machine and to provide additional protection against the intense forces they face in combat against alien threats...
Rei: *Still holding her breath*
Shinji: Rei, breathe.
Asuka: *Rolls her eyes*
Narrator: Breathe out!
Rei: *exhales, restoring color to her face* Haa...
Asuka: Dumkopf.
Narrator: Now, medical and psychological testing. Each pilot is rigerously examined and tested on a daily basis to maintain their ability to effectively fight.
Shinji: No we're not!
Ritsuko: Turn your head and cough, Shinji-kun~...
Shinji: Oh God, what!?
Narrator: Ahem... Each pilot is examined according to their particular needs...
Asuka: Pfft...may as well, closest you'll ever get.
Ritsuko: Mmhm... Looks like this will have to be another nude exam. Shinji, strip down.
Shinji: *Sputtering in embarrassment*
Asuka: I knew it. Super pervert.
Narrator: In the case of male pilots, their examinations can go on for up to three or four times the length for female pilots. Why is still being worked out by science.
Ritsuko: *grins* Mmm... I'm going to need a certain sample again, Shinji...
Narrator: Of course, ALL medical personnel in NERV are totally professional and held to the highest ethical standards...
Ritsuko: Oh, of course. Maya-chan, are you in the outfit yet?
Shinji: Oh wow...
Maya: Sempaiii, this is embarrassing! *Sexy nurse outfit*
Narrator: Ahem... All efforts are made to maintain the morale of the pilots, as they are the heart of the Evangelion weapons system. IN FULL GOOD TASTE.
Ritsuko: But of course. Shinji, how's your morale? *Pushes his face into Maya's exposed cleavage* Good?
Shinji: G-Good!
Ritsuko: See? Science. *beams* Now, how about when her top's off?
Narrator: THE HIGHEST STANDARD OF ETHICS!
Ritsuko: Oh fine, fine...*removes Shinji's pants* Rei, Asuka, how's your morale?
Asuka: Low.
Rei: *blush*
Shinji: HEY!
Narrator: AHEM. Moving on... We come to the attire of the Evangelion pilot. The plugsuit. Note the way it hugs the pilot's skin tightly, the advanced construction allowing the pilot full movement while aiding in the pilot's interface with their machine.
Asuka: Yeah, get a good look. See how it just clings to my body? Mmmà
Narrator: Modesty is an unfortunate casualty of war, but the pilots are professional enough to accept the sacrifice.
Rei: Ikari, do my buttocks look big in this?
Shinji: Ooh...
Rei: *squeezes her boobs together*
Narrator: Nothing can get in the way of the interface, and no secrets are kept between the pilots.
Shinji: ...I love this job.
Narrator: A sense of camaraderie is fostered between the pilots, all to improve teamwork and the chances of success. Endless training is undertaken to improve the synchronization between the pilots, their machines and their fellow pilots.
Asuka: Hey Shinji, make me a sandwich.
Shinji: No, fuck off.
Asuka: Fuck off!? FUCK YOU! *Fight!*
Rei: ... Major Katsuragi, I have a question. Is it normal for pilots to molest each other in the shower?
Misato: No, why?
Rei: Ah. Pilot Soryu has been acting abnormally towards me then.
Misato: Oh, if it's Asuka then it's normal.
Asuka: WHAT!?
Narrator: All complaints and conflicts are efficiently and expertly handled by the capable Major.
Misato: She's just into girls like that, don't let it bug you.
Rei: It was not bothering me. I enjoyed it. Can you do it to males as well?
Misato: Sure you can. Why don't you experiment with Shinji.
Rei: *Eye glint*
Narrator: Yes, relationships between pilots are kept smooth, efficient and er, mostly professional.
Rei: Ikari, we seem to be out of water. May I share your shower?
Narrator: AHEM. And HONEST.
Misato: Seems pretty honest to me.
Rei: ... There is no water shortage.
Narrator: Now at last we come to the Evangelions. The most advanced and power weapons system yet devised by man. Such sophistication, such power, such technology!
Misato: ASUKA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?
Asuka: Hey, Thruway Authority needed some heavy lifting equipment.
Narrator: Wielding the most advanced weapons ever built with total professionalism, totally devoted to the defense and survival of humanity.
Shinji: *Spearfishing for whales*
Narrator: AHEM. I said, TOTAL PROFESSIONALISM!
Rei: Ah, sorry. *Puts away her fishing pole*
Narrator: Among the various weapons wielded by the Evangelions: The ever dependable pallet rifle. Similar to existing firearms but scaled up significantly, a withering fire can be laid down by the wielder of such a weapon against any target he or she can see.
Shinji: Shame they're ultimately junk.
Asuka: Yeah, don't you know why they even call them Pallet Rifles?
Rei: Very poor weapons.
Shinji: The scaling didn't translate well, after one magazine, the firing mechanism is usually destroyed...
Asuka: So they buy them by the Pallet.
Narrator: Built to proper specifications, and properly utilized, the Pallet Rifle serves as an effective weapon.
Rei: They are a result of Dr. Akagi's fetish for guns.
Shinji: I've yet to see a Pallet Rifle work.
Ritsuko: They are not!And you're just using them wrong!
Narrator: The newer and more powerful Positron Rifle, a marvel of modern technology, is swiftly replacing the Pallet Rifle as the preferred anti-Angel weapon.
Shinji: My bare hands or a Prog Knife work just fine.
Narrator: Which greater range and power, this weapon is powered by the most efficient fuel in the universe, Anti-Matter!
Asuka: ...Shinji. You just made me a little wet.
Narrator: AHEM. But when guns fail, it is up to the trusty Progressive Knife to win the day for humanity!
Shinji: Again, it's better if they just sent me out with a knife and told me to do whatever I want.
Asuka: Oh God, keep talking like thatà
Narrator: However, science marches on with the Type F Mastema Progressive Sword. A combined weapons system of incredible power, but only effective if used properly.
Shinji: ...Bigger knife. I'll take it!
Asuka: Fuck it, take me now! *Pounce*
Rei: I believe the proper term is "Bitch, please". *Shove*
Narrator: Friendly rivalries in weapons proficiency improve the skills of all the pilots.
Asuka: Fuck you, blue furred cunt!
Rei: Die redheaded slut! *Violence!*
Narrator: Such rivalries never become truly hate filled-After all, we're all friends here.
Asuka: Get money, bitch! *Throws some blows*
Rei: You should be punished for your antics. *SPANKINGS*
Shinji: Awesome.
Narrator: Ah, but what would NERV be without its faithful, efficient command and support staff?
Gendo: *Glare*
Narrator: The commander, stalwart and brave. Never afraid to make the tough decisions but always there for his pilots.
Gendo: *Glare*
Narrator: Mindful of his duties and an example to the men and women under his command.
Gendo: *Glare*
Narrator: Erà Ahem... But let us now move on to the Bridge Staff! They rapidly assess and digest all the information their sophisticated computers and sensors tell them in order to paint a picture of the tactical situation for the Tactical Operations Director, who is ultimately in charge of executing the war to save humanity.
Hyuuga: *Painted a portrait of Misato as a goddess of war* How's this?
Narrator: The TACTICAL SITUATION.
Hyuuga: Oh, right, heheh... I knew that.
Aoba: So, I did a show downtown.
Maya: How was the turn out?
Aoba: This chick kept flashing her tits at me, that was so awesome.
Aoba: Towards the end, she had her phone number written on her chest in magic marker and a name. Hikari or something.
Narrator: In a very real way, they are just as professional and dedicated and indispensible as the pilots.
Asuka: *Walks by andá nearly stumbles when she hears that*
Ritsuko: Morale boosting time! Maya!
Maya: *sighs, opens her top* Yes sempai. *Hugs Shinji* How's this?
Shinji: Oh I love it.
Misato: HEY! GET OFF MY SHOTA, SKANK!
Maya: H-Hey, I-!
Ritsuko: Oh really? I don't see your name on him, Misato. *Glomps Shinji to her chest*
Misato: I don't need it, my scent is all over him! *Hugs Shinji to her voluptuous figure, snarling at Ritsuko and Maya* Rrrr....
Shinji: I am not unhappy with my position.
Narrator: The Tactical Operations Director, and Head of Project E work together. The Head of Project E is the expert on the Evangelions and their weapons, and the Tactical Ops Director is a military genius of the highest caliber. Between the two and the so-called Bridge Bunnies, the pilots are given the needed information to needed to fight and to win.
Ritsuko: A slut like you would mark him in such a base manner! *GLOMP* Mine! He loves my exams more than your drunken "slip ups".
Misato: At least my breath doesn't smell like coffee and cigarettes and a certain protein supplement.
Gendo: *Smirk*
Ritsuko: *snorts* The only supplement he'd smell would be his, given that old source ran dry a long time ago.
Misato: So you go straight to a new tap, you...you...DOUBLE MINMAY!
Ritsuko: Why go with the Minuteman of the family when you can have the Navy Seal?
Maya: *Takes Shinji back* I think they're getting a little too violent, don't you agree Shinji?
Shinji: Mmhmm...
Maya: *sighs* Older women are so shameless...
Narrator: The smooth operation of the entire affair is maintained by the Sub-Commander. A man of dignity, poise and intelligence, he serves as the go-between from the Commander to the men and women. A kindly ambassador between the levels of command. He can be counted on to make order out of chaos.
Fuyutsuki: Ladies, could you please settle this in the usual fashion.
Misato: Right. *To Ritsuko* I'll see you in the Jell-O pit.
Ritsuko: I'll see you lose, as usual.
Fuyutsuki: Lieutenant Hyuga, get the camera ready.
Narrator: Professional and able to the last...
Narrator: At last we come to the enemy themselves-The Angels.
Kaworu: Hello.
Narrator: Strange alien entities bent on the destruction of mankind, they are engines of destruction.
Kaworu: *Playing violin*
Narrator: Monstrous creatures, are they intelligent? Do they have culture? What is the motivation behind their genocidal war?
Kaworu: *Feeding homeless at a soup kitchen*
Narrator: What cool, cold, calculating intelligence directs their murderous rampage? Whatever their motivation, they must be stopped.
Kaworu: *Cuddling with Shinji as they watch movies, while Asuka quietly begs for them to satisfy her inner yaoi fan*
Shinji: Strangely, I'm not uncomfortable with this.
Asuka: *Pumps a fist in victory*
Rei: *deathglare* I am.
Asuka: *Whispers to Rei*
Rei: I can kill you with my brain.
Kaworu: So can I.
Shinji: Shut up, I'm watching the movie.
Shinji: Got damn harems, always gotta fight each other.
Narrator: At the end of the day, the pilots join together in triumph, having preserved humanity and guaranteed a future for us all for another day.
Shinji: *Sitting with Asuka, Rei, and Kaworu on the couch with him* ...You're all my bitches.
Asuka: Yep.
Rei: Yes.
Kaworu: Uh-huh.
Maya: Hey hey! What about us?!
Ritsuko: Yeah!
Shinji: One of you better make me a sandwich.
Ritsuko: Only if you fuck me like a bitch afterwards.
Shinji: *Sighs* First one to make me a sandwich gets to be my bottom bitch for a week.
*STAMPEDE*
Shinji: Bitches and Whores.
Narrator: In the war for humanity's survival, science is an integral part, and man's salvation. Science marches on!
*The reel ends*
Ritsuko: So... What do you think?
Misato: *Palming her face* What...the Hell...was that?
Shinji: I'm not like that!
Rei: ... I feel somewhat offended.
Kaworu: And why was I in all of those shots referring to Angels?
Asuka: *Had fainted from rage*
Maya: No clue. And I do not shove Shinji's face into my-my chest all the time.
*Shove*
Maya: That was an accident!
Misato: Good Lord...
Ritsuko: He doesn't seem to mind.
Rei: Hmm. *She tries it* Oh dear. How unfortunate.
Shinji: This is the happiest accident ever.
THE END
Shinji: Something bad's going to happen to us, isn't it?
Asuka: *Shrugs*
Rei: *looking blank*
Narrator: To start, all Evangelion pilots are trained rigorously to be physically fit and mentally alert.
Asuka: Sure am!
Shinji: Um...I exercise, I guess...
Rei: I train as I am directed to.
Narrator: Using scientifically proven methods of exercise. To start with is proper breath control, the basis of all physical activity! Breathe in... Breathe out. Breathe in... Breathe out.
Asuka: *Breathes*
Shinji: *In and out, in and out*
Rei: *Breathes*
Narrator: Breathe in... Now, due to the requirements of their profession, the Evangelion pilots breathe oxygenated liquid while inside their Evangelions, in order to maximize their link to their machine and to provide additional protection against the intense forces they face in combat against alien threats...
Rei: *Still holding her breath*
Shinji: Rei, breathe.
Asuka: *Rolls her eyes*
Narrator: Breathe out!
Rei: *exhales, restoring color to her face* Haa...
Asuka: Dumkopf.
Narrator: Now, medical and psychological testing. Each pilot is rigerously examined and tested on a daily basis to maintain their ability to effectively fight.
Shinji: No we're not!
Ritsuko: Turn your head and cough, Shinji-kun~...
Shinji: Oh God, what!?
Narrator: Ahem... Each pilot is examined according to their particular needs...
Asuka: Pfft...may as well, closest you'll ever get.
Ritsuko: Mmhm... Looks like this will have to be another nude exam. Shinji, strip down.
Shinji: *Sputtering in embarrassment*
Asuka: I knew it. Super pervert.
Narrator: In the case of male pilots, their examinations can go on for up to three or four times the length for female pilots. Why is still being worked out by science.
Ritsuko: *grins* Mmm... I'm going to need a certain sample again, Shinji...
Narrator: Of course, ALL medical personnel in NERV are totally professional and held to the highest ethical standards...
Ritsuko: Oh, of course. Maya-chan, are you in the outfit yet?
Shinji: Oh wow...
Maya: Sempaiii, this is embarrassing! *Sexy nurse outfit*
Narrator: Ahem... All efforts are made to maintain the morale of the pilots, as they are the heart of the Evangelion weapons system. IN FULL GOOD TASTE.
Ritsuko: But of course. Shinji, how's your morale? *Pushes his face into Maya's exposed cleavage* Good?
Shinji: G-Good!
Ritsuko: See? Science. *beams* Now, how about when her top's off?
Narrator: THE HIGHEST STANDARD OF ETHICS!
Ritsuko: Oh fine, fine...*removes Shinji's pants* Rei, Asuka, how's your morale?
Asuka: Low.
Rei: *blush*
Shinji: HEY!
Narrator: AHEM. Moving on... We come to the attire of the Evangelion pilot. The plugsuit. Note the way it hugs the pilot's skin tightly, the advanced construction allowing the pilot full movement while aiding in the pilot's interface with their machine.
Asuka: Yeah, get a good look. See how it just clings to my body? Mmmà
Narrator: Modesty is an unfortunate casualty of war, but the pilots are professional enough to accept the sacrifice.
Rei: Ikari, do my buttocks look big in this?
Shinji: Ooh...
Rei: *squeezes her boobs together*
Narrator: Nothing can get in the way of the interface, and no secrets are kept between the pilots.
Shinji: ...I love this job.
Narrator: A sense of camaraderie is fostered between the pilots, all to improve teamwork and the chances of success. Endless training is undertaken to improve the synchronization between the pilots, their machines and their fellow pilots.
Asuka: Hey Shinji, make me a sandwich.
Shinji: No, fuck off.
Asuka: Fuck off!? FUCK YOU! *Fight!*
Rei: ... Major Katsuragi, I have a question. Is it normal for pilots to molest each other in the shower?
Misato: No, why?
Rei: Ah. Pilot Soryu has been acting abnormally towards me then.
Misato: Oh, if it's Asuka then it's normal.
Asuka: WHAT!?
Narrator: All complaints and conflicts are efficiently and expertly handled by the capable Major.
Misato: She's just into girls like that, don't let it bug you.
Rei: It was not bothering me. I enjoyed it. Can you do it to males as well?
Misato: Sure you can. Why don't you experiment with Shinji.
Rei: *Eye glint*
Narrator: Yes, relationships between pilots are kept smooth, efficient and er, mostly professional.
Rei: Ikari, we seem to be out of water. May I share your shower?
Narrator: AHEM. And HONEST.
Misato: Seems pretty honest to me.
Rei: ... There is no water shortage.
Narrator: Now at last we come to the Evangelions. The most advanced and power weapons system yet devised by man. Such sophistication, such power, such technology!
Misato: ASUKA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?
Asuka: Hey, Thruway Authority needed some heavy lifting equipment.
Narrator: Wielding the most advanced weapons ever built with total professionalism, totally devoted to the defense and survival of humanity.
Shinji: *Spearfishing for whales*
Narrator: AHEM. I said, TOTAL PROFESSIONALISM!
Rei: Ah, sorry. *Puts away her fishing pole*
Narrator: Among the various weapons wielded by the Evangelions: The ever dependable pallet rifle. Similar to existing firearms but scaled up significantly, a withering fire can be laid down by the wielder of such a weapon against any target he or she can see.
Shinji: Shame they're ultimately junk.
Asuka: Yeah, don't you know why they even call them Pallet Rifles?
Rei: Very poor weapons.
Shinji: The scaling didn't translate well, after one magazine, the firing mechanism is usually destroyed...
Asuka: So they buy them by the Pallet.
Narrator: Built to proper specifications, and properly utilized, the Pallet Rifle serves as an effective weapon.
Rei: They are a result of Dr. Akagi's fetish for guns.
Shinji: I've yet to see a Pallet Rifle work.
Ritsuko: They are not!And you're just using them wrong!
Narrator: The newer and more powerful Positron Rifle, a marvel of modern technology, is swiftly replacing the Pallet Rifle as the preferred anti-Angel weapon.
Shinji: My bare hands or a Prog Knife work just fine.
Narrator: Which greater range and power, this weapon is powered by the most efficient fuel in the universe, Anti-Matter!
Asuka: ...Shinji. You just made me a little wet.
Narrator: AHEM. But when guns fail, it is up to the trusty Progressive Knife to win the day for humanity!
Shinji: Again, it's better if they just sent me out with a knife and told me to do whatever I want.
Asuka: Oh God, keep talking like thatà
Narrator: However, science marches on with the Type F Mastema Progressive Sword. A combined weapons system of incredible power, but only effective if used properly.
Shinji: ...Bigger knife. I'll take it!
Asuka: Fuck it, take me now! *Pounce*
Rei: I believe the proper term is "Bitch, please". *Shove*
Narrator: Friendly rivalries in weapons proficiency improve the skills of all the pilots.
Asuka: Fuck you, blue furred cunt!
Rei: Die redheaded slut! *Violence!*
Narrator: Such rivalries never become truly hate filled-After all, we're all friends here.
Asuka: Get money, bitch! *Throws some blows*
Rei: You should be punished for your antics. *SPANKINGS*
Shinji: Awesome.
Narrator: Ah, but what would NERV be without its faithful, efficient command and support staff?
Gendo: *Glare*
Narrator: The commander, stalwart and brave. Never afraid to make the tough decisions but always there for his pilots.
Gendo: *Glare*
Narrator: Mindful of his duties and an example to the men and women under his command.
Gendo: *Glare*
Narrator: Erà Ahem... But let us now move on to the Bridge Staff! They rapidly assess and digest all the information their sophisticated computers and sensors tell them in order to paint a picture of the tactical situation for the Tactical Operations Director, who is ultimately in charge of executing the war to save humanity.
Hyuuga: *Painted a portrait of Misato as a goddess of war* How's this?
Narrator: The TACTICAL SITUATION.
Hyuuga: Oh, right, heheh... I knew that.
Aoba: So, I did a show downtown.
Maya: How was the turn out?
Aoba: This chick kept flashing her tits at me, that was so awesome.
Aoba: Towards the end, she had her phone number written on her chest in magic marker and a name. Hikari or something.
Narrator: In a very real way, they are just as professional and dedicated and indispensible as the pilots.
Asuka: *Walks by andá nearly stumbles when she hears that*
Ritsuko: Morale boosting time! Maya!
Maya: *sighs, opens her top* Yes sempai. *Hugs Shinji* How's this?
Shinji: Oh I love it.
Misato: HEY! GET OFF MY SHOTA, SKANK!
Maya: H-Hey, I-!
Ritsuko: Oh really? I don't see your name on him, Misato. *Glomps Shinji to her chest*
Misato: I don't need it, my scent is all over him! *Hugs Shinji to her voluptuous figure, snarling at Ritsuko and Maya* Rrrr....
Shinji: I am not unhappy with my position.
Narrator: The Tactical Operations Director, and Head of Project E work together. The Head of Project E is the expert on the Evangelions and their weapons, and the Tactical Ops Director is a military genius of the highest caliber. Between the two and the so-called Bridge Bunnies, the pilots are given the needed information to needed to fight and to win.
Ritsuko: A slut like you would mark him in such a base manner! *GLOMP* Mine! He loves my exams more than your drunken "slip ups".
Misato: At least my breath doesn't smell like coffee and cigarettes and a certain protein supplement.
Gendo: *Smirk*
Ritsuko: *snorts* The only supplement he'd smell would be his, given that old source ran dry a long time ago.
Misato: So you go straight to a new tap, you...you...DOUBLE MINMAY!
Ritsuko: Why go with the Minuteman of the family when you can have the Navy Seal?
Maya: *Takes Shinji back* I think they're getting a little too violent, don't you agree Shinji?
Shinji: Mmhmm...
Maya: *sighs* Older women are so shameless...
Narrator: The smooth operation of the entire affair is maintained by the Sub-Commander. A man of dignity, poise and intelligence, he serves as the go-between from the Commander to the men and women. A kindly ambassador between the levels of command. He can be counted on to make order out of chaos.
Fuyutsuki: Ladies, could you please settle this in the usual fashion.
Misato: Right. *To Ritsuko* I'll see you in the Jell-O pit.
Ritsuko: I'll see you lose, as usual.
Fuyutsuki: Lieutenant Hyuga, get the camera ready.
Narrator: Professional and able to the last...
Narrator: At last we come to the enemy themselves-The Angels.
Kaworu: Hello.
Narrator: Strange alien entities bent on the destruction of mankind, they are engines of destruction.
Kaworu: *Playing violin*
Narrator: Monstrous creatures, are they intelligent? Do they have culture? What is the motivation behind their genocidal war?
Kaworu: *Feeding homeless at a soup kitchen*
Narrator: What cool, cold, calculating intelligence directs their murderous rampage? Whatever their motivation, they must be stopped.
Kaworu: *Cuddling with Shinji as they watch movies, while Asuka quietly begs for them to satisfy her inner yaoi fan*
Shinji: Strangely, I'm not uncomfortable with this.
Asuka: *Pumps a fist in victory*
Rei: *deathglare* I am.
Asuka: *Whispers to Rei*
Rei: I can kill you with my brain.
Kaworu: So can I.
Shinji: Shut up, I'm watching the movie.
Shinji: Got damn harems, always gotta fight each other.
Narrator: At the end of the day, the pilots join together in triumph, having preserved humanity and guaranteed a future for us all for another day.
Shinji: *Sitting with Asuka, Rei, and Kaworu on the couch with him* ...You're all my bitches.
Asuka: Yep.
Rei: Yes.
Kaworu: Uh-huh.
Maya: Hey hey! What about us?!
Ritsuko: Yeah!
Shinji: One of you better make me a sandwich.
Ritsuko: Only if you fuck me like a bitch afterwards.
Shinji: *Sighs* First one to make me a sandwich gets to be my bottom bitch for a week.
*STAMPEDE*
Shinji: Bitches and Whores.
Narrator: In the war for humanity's survival, science is an integral part, and man's salvation. Science marches on!
*The reel ends*
Ritsuko: So... What do you think?
Misato: *Palming her face* What...the Hell...was that?
Shinji: I'm not like that!
Rei: ... I feel somewhat offended.
Kaworu: And why was I in all of those shots referring to Angels?
Asuka: *Had fainted from rage*
Maya: No clue. And I do not shove Shinji's face into my-my chest all the time.
*Shove*
Maya: That was an accident!
Misato: Good Lord...
Ritsuko: He doesn't seem to mind.
Rei: Hmm. *She tries it* Oh dear. How unfortunate.
Shinji: This is the happiest accident ever.
THE END
t: you can safely have a thread about SCM's work here, without the mods getting paranoid about crazy people with lawyers suing the site to death (which is one of the reasons the mods on SB get pissy, the other reason being squick).