Akamatsuverse Invitation to Darkness, Teaser

GenocideHeart

Well-Known Member
#1
This is an excerpt from my LH dark'ish vampirefic which I'm writing. The basic premise is hat while checking out the annex of the Hinatasou, Keitaro falls through rotten floorboards and ends up discovering a skeleton, which turns out to be an ancient vampiress who is awakened by a combination of his landing destroying the wards, and a bit of hs blood landing on the bones.

Following that, well... let's just say it could either be a comedy or a darkfic.

So, take a look at this teaser.

----

"I would speak to you, human. May I enter the premises?" the strange, beautiful woman asked, her unsettling red eyes fixated on him. Keitaro shivered involuntarily. Something about the woman made him nervous. Never mind that normal women did not show up on the edge of a guy's window late at night - and how did she get up there from the ground? It was two floors high!

"Uh... what do you want to talk about?" he replied nervously. The woman shook her head and made a generic gesture with her hand.

"Please, invite me in. I cannot enter your home uninvited."

"...can't...? Uh... I suppose you can enter..." the young manager nodded hesitantly. A nagging voice in the back of his mind was screaming that the exact wording hat woman used was suspicious, but while she did make him nervous, she didn't feel life-threatening... at least, not at the moment.

"Thank you," the woman nodded as she stepped in his room from the window. Keitaro felt a sudden chill fill the room as the woman slowly walked around it, looking at the decorum. He realized the chilly draft came from the woman, and took his time to examine her closely now that she was fully illuminated by his room's lamp.

The woman was very tall, towering over him by at least five inches, and her long, snow-white hair offered a shocking contrast to her ebony skin. She wore a form-fittin dark purple evening dress, with a split along the left side that let her exquisitely shaped leg show. Her figure was full and inviting, and he could name a dozen men off the top of his head that would seriously consider killing simply to receive this beautiful creature's attention.

However, there was also something very off about her. Her eyes were red, and he could have sworn they were glowing slightly. Also, her delicate hands' nails were unusually long and sharp-looking, and when he examined her full, dark red lips more closely, he got the distinct impression that she had long, pointy canines.

He was brought out of his reverie by the sound of the woman coughing slightly and realized he'd been staring in a very rude fashion. He cast an apologetic smile at her, scratching the back of his head.

"Sorry about that... It's just that you're so beautiful, I couldn't help but stare," he explained sheepishly. "So, um... what did you want?" he asked hesitantly, fiddling uncomfortably. The woman took one last look at his room, then her head swiveled, and her red eyes - which Keitaro was now sure were glowing - fell on him again. The woman regarded him for a few long seconds, then crossed her arms and cocked her head to one side.

----

For the record, the vampiress in this scene is loosely based on the Queen of the Damned, Akasha, but since Anne Rice material is not allowed on FF.Net, I made my own OC in her stead.
 

SimmyC

Well-Known Member
#2
Hmm. Interesting. Would definately like to see more. ^_^
 

Moshulel

Well-Known Member
#3
I'm putting myself on the waiting list.
Question: Is Keitaro inmortality factor going to influence something in this story?
 

GenocideHeart

Well-Known Member
#4
Moshulel said:
I'm putting myself on the waiting list.
Question: Is Keitaro inmortality factor going to influence something in this story?
Not really. Shiver (that's the name the vampiress prefers to be addressed with) does remark with curiosity about it, but ther than his usual imperviousness to attacks, nothing really comes of it... at first, at least. Not sure about later on...
 

AbyssalDaemon

Well-Known Member
#5
Very interesting, although I am somewhat surprised that Motoko's doesn't sense anything.

As for making it into a comedy or darkfic, why not do a mixture of them both.
 

GenocideHeart

Well-Known Member
#6
AbyssalDaemon said:
Very interesting, although I am somewhat surprised that Motoko's doesn't sense anything.

As for making it into a comedy or darkfic, why not do a mixture of them both.
Oh, she senses her, allright. And about the same time when Naru wakes up and finds Shiver, she barges in Keitaro's room.

And I think you know how it ends. Hot woman in Keitaro's room = misunderstanding and overreacting. :lol:
 

SimmyC

Well-Known Member
#7
lol. :lol: Of course, what will happen to Naru and Tsuruko... :unsure:
 

Hawk

Well-Known Member
#8
Not really. Shiver (that's the name the vampiress prefers to be addressed with) does remark with curiosity about it, but ther than his usual imperviousness to attacks, nothing really comes of it... at first, at least. Not sure about later on...
Well, one of the things that will be revealed in the next ( or possibly the one after that, depending on how much unexpected shit turns up when my fingers hit the keyboard... ) chapter of Tears of Blood is that Keitaro's believed immortality and ability to recover quickly also includes his production of blood.

Meaning that when he loses blood, his body quickly produces more of it. Meaning that he's a vampires favourite thing, a walking meal that'll never run out of juice.

Or previous favourite thing at any rate, since he's no longer living and thus produces no blood of his own...

So that's a possible side-effect from his immortality, as well as a reason for Shiver to stick around. With a walking quick-restocking meal close at hand, she wouldn't have to go out looking for food.
 

GenocideHeart

Well-Known Member
#9
Hawk said:
Not really. Shiver (that's the name the vampiress prefers to be addressed with) does remark with curiosity about it, but ther than his usual imperviousness to attacks, nothing really comes of it... at first, at least. Not sure about later on...
Well, one of the things that will be revealed in the next ( or possibly the one after that, depending on how much unexpected shit turns up when my fingers hit the keyboard... ) chapter of Tears of Blood is that Keitaro's believed immortality and ability to recover quickly also includes his production of blood.

Meaning that when he loses blood, his body quickly produces more of it. Meaning that he's a vampires favourite thing, a walking meal that'll never run out of juice.

Or previous favourite thing at any rate, since he's no longer living and thus produces no blood of his own...

So that's a possible side-effect from his immortality, as well as a reason for Shiver to stick around. With a walking quick-restocking meal close at hand, she wouldn't have to go out looking for food.
Heh, nice idea.
 

GenocideHeart

Well-Known Member
#10
Hmm.

I finished my characterization of Shiver.

Here's what I came up with.

-She likes being alone, bu detests actual solitude. It's one reason why she hangs around Hinatasou.

-She hasn't killed anyone in over 3500 years, and fully intends to keep it that way.

-At first, she speaks like Yoda, due to her modern Japanese from Keitaro's blood being fragmented. Later on, she speaks more normally.

-She's actually very mellow for a vampire. She'll hunt only if no other choice is present, preferrng to instead ask for blood. This causes Haruka to comment 'I've never seen a vampire before, but I somehow doubt they are all polite like her...". :snigger:

-She has a liking of Shinobu, and seems to get along well with Kaolla. She's unconcerned by Naru and Motoko's hostility, and respects Haruka for not being unnerved by her presence.

-Shinobu is afraid of her at first, but gradually relaxes. Kitsune isn't sure whether to be afraid of her or be her best buddy. Naru is hostile at her, and Motoko is both wary and scared of her. Haruka is mostly calm once hse gets record of her activity. Su is... Su. And Sarah is totally terrified of her.

-Shiver occasionally asks for blood from Keitaro, as he's teh one who can stand the repeated drainings the most. At first, he's afraid, but as things proceed, he relaxes and even finds it pleasant. And Naru isn't happy. :rofl:

EDIT:

-Seta is interested in her. He comments that it's not everyday ou see a real live vampire. Shiver retorts that a 'live vampire makes no sense. The sad part? She wasn't cracking a joke.

-Shiver has the humor of a stone. She will often say humorous things, but does npot MEAN to be funny. She cannot understand figures of speech at all.
 
#11
So, when's this thing coming out?
 

GenocideHeart

Well-Known Member
#12
Working on it, Gafgar.

Some more info/events I made up.

-Shinobu will later be turned in a vampire by Shiver. As a vampire, all her abilities besides Charm are weaker than Shiver's, and she's more sensible to sunlight and garlic's smell (the latter makes her nauseous). Charm, however, is more powerful - Shinobu will be able to get damn near anyone to do what she asks them to.

-Shiver can go one week with only a few mouthfuls of blood, which usually Keitaro provides, as he figures he's the one who'll recover from it the easiest. However, Shinobu requires more. Two or three feedings a week are the norm for her.

-At one point or another, ALL residents will get bitten, and cause awkward situations for Shinobu, as vampire bites cause dependence, much like in Tears of Blood, and this causes the girls to cheat in hopes of getting a nibble. Needless to say, this creeps Shinobu out, as she's basically stalked by the residents at times. :snigger:

-Shiver's reluctance to kill comes from an unfortunate accident were a girl she had befriended, who resembled Shinobu a bit, was caught in crossfire between her and some of her enemies. As a result, the girl was killed, and after eliminating the enemies in question with extreme violence, she felt that it was her fault for using excessive force, and vowed to never use lethal power again. She's kept her word ever since, eliminating enemies in roundabout ways - usually setting them against each other.

That's it for now. Prologue should come tomorrow. I hope.
 

GenocideHeart

Well-Known Member
#13
OK, here's the first part of the prologue. I had some trouble writing it, as the words didn't quite come out the way I wanted them to.

If you can fix eventual bad sections, do so. :lol:

----

"Man, this place is really dusty," Keitaro commented as he looked around himself. The silent, shadowed halls of the Hinatasou annex were not a very welcoming sight; years of abandonment having taken a heavy toll on the ancient building.

A few days earlier, Keitaro had talked to his aunt Haruka about possibly salvaging the old annex and expanding the dormitory - something that would not only have brought more income thanks to eventual new tenants, but would also have provided temporary shelter for the current residents, should more structural damage be inflicted on the main building. An eventuality that was all too real, bewteen Mecha-Tamas, atomic punches and highly powerful sword techniques.

Haruka had looked dubious about the prospect. The building was very old, and had been in a state of disrepair for well over 50 years now. She claimed that even only walking on its wooden floor was dangerous, as the floorboards were so old and brittle that stepping on them too hard could have caused the entire surface to collapse without warning.

On top of that, there was an infamous legend surrounding the building, which claimed that any couple that entered it together would be bound forever. Keitaro dismissed it as mere folk tales, but Haruka replied that it was a popular belief in the zone, and would have made it more difficult to rent rooms.

Nevertheless, Keitaro had decided to take a look himself, to see in person what could be saved of the annex. This had brought him to his current situation: standing in the entrance of the ancient building, looking around himself in an attempt to gauge how much damage time had wrought upon it and how much it would cost to fix it.

As Keitaro shuffled around and stepped deeper in the building, he started coughing due to the large amounts of dust. He rubbed his burning eyes and briefly considered going into town to buy a pair of working glasses and a mask or two, but shrugged and figured it would not take that long. After all, he was just trying to see what condition the place was in, not clean it or anything...

A sharp cracking sound caused him to snap out of his thoughts, and he looked down only to see, to his horror, that the pavement had begun to give under his weight. Moving very carefully, he turned around, wincing as the sounds grew progressively louder and more frequent. He then jumped away from the falling floor and on a patch of wooden boards that looked solid.

Unfortunately, the floor was not quite as solid as it looked. As Keitaro landed on it, his blood froze when a horrific crunch echoed across the empty halls. Less than a moment later, he felt himself fall as the whole floor gave way under his weight. For what felt like an eternity, he fell in the darkness below. Then there was a violent impact, a sharp jolt of pain from his right arm, and he blacked out.

----

Keitaro returned to consciousness in almost complete darkness with only a dim light coming from above him. He felt disoriented at first, feeling around for a futon that wasn't there, then the events came rushing back to him, and he bolted upright in fright. A sharp pain coming from his right arm caused him to stop his abrupt movement and hiss in discomfort. He squinted his eyes, but could not make out what was hurting so much.

He did, however, make out something faintly white next to him. Blinking, he hesitantly extended his arm towards the white object - or rather, objects, as he noticed there was more than one of them. Feeling around revealed a roundish surface with a few holes in it, and what looked like sharp spikes near two of those holes. Squeezing his eyes shut, he took a few deep breaths, then slowly reopened them, trying to adjust to the reduced lighting. He then took a look at the objects again.

A moment later, he sprang to his feet with a shout of fear and alarm as he fnally made out enough of the white objects to realize what he had been touching.

A skull.

Keitaro scrambled backwards in panic andtripped on somehing, falling down again. Feeling around, he could make out scattered pieces of ceramic and paper, but at the moment, what he wanted was a way out. As he crawled around the floor, he made out what felt like stone steps - something unexpected in a building mostly made of wood. Scrambling up the steps led him to a wooden door, but as he felt around for a knob, his hands met a chain instead.

Moaning in frustration, Keitaro resorted to physically throwing himself against the door. Surprisingly, the door broke under his weight. Apparently, time had taken its toll on it as well. Behind the door, a wall made of rocks stuck together with clay blocked his way. However, large cracks showed on it, letting a weak light from the outside area in, and several stones fallen from it littered the floor, showing that it had sustained severe damage sometime in the past, probably due to earthquakes or something similar.

It took Keitaro less than five minutes to break down enough of the old wall to slip out of a hole. During this whole time, he never once looked back.

Had he done so, he would have seen the old bones he had fallen onto glowing in an eerie red light, the rich crimson hue of fresh blood staining them...

----

More to come laterer, as Lord Raa would say. :snigger:
 
#14
You mean more to come NOW. *pulls gun*
 

Mighty Bob

Well-Known Member
#15
Interesting start to things to be sure. My brain's mush right now (not due to alcohol sadly) and I don't remember if you mentioned it; but do you have some plot and/or an endpoint in mind? Or just the basic ideas you listed before the snippet and the desire to see where it runs? I could wait and find out as you write, but I'm impatient, curious and happen to like spoilers :yay:

I can picture it now though: Shiver, freshly turned Shinibu and her (their) beloved immortal foodbag...er Keitaro. Be a helluva triangle right there
 

GenocideHeart

Well-Known Member
#16
Mighty Bob said:
Interesting start to things to be sure. My brain's mush right now (not due to alcohol sadly) and I don't remember if you mentioned it; but do you have some plot and/or an endpoint in mind? Or just the basic ideas you listed before the snippet and the desire to see where it runs? I could wait and find out as you write, but I'm impatient, curious and happen to like spoilers :yay:

I can picture it now though: Shiver, freshly turned Shinibu and her (their) beloved immortal foodbag...er Keitaro. Be a helluva triangle right there
I do have plans. Whether they'll last to the end is to be seen. :lol:
 

GenocideHeart

Well-Known Member
#17
Okay, I've been working a little more on this. Here's all the info on Shiver.

NAME: Unknown. She's gone under many names over time, Shiver being the one she gave Keitaro most recently. She claims to not remember her given name.

AGE: Unknown again. Her earliest least fragmented memories trace back to early Ancient Egypt, which is presumably where she was born, thus placing her birthdate around 3,500 BC, and her age around 5,500 years.

APPEARANCE: Long white hair, dark skin with a slight tendency towards dark grey, red eyes. She's about six feet tall, and has unusually sharp nails on both hands and feet. Her choice of clothing varies, she usually mimics whatever strikes her fancy. In this fic, she'll mostly use Western-style evening dresses, occasionally kimonos and ancient Egyptian garbs when she feels like it.

BIO: She became a vampire when she was cursed by a rather vengeful godling for eating the offerings that were left for him when she was starving. The curse was formulated as 'You shall forever hunger for your kind's warmth', and resulted in her essentially becoming a vampire. The god who cursed her, however, did not plan on her living so long, and eventually Shiver became the instrument of his downfall. However, Shiver's memories of this period are incredibly fragmented. It is hard to tell if she's forgotten or simply shut the memories away.

She has been all over the known world in her long un-life, even visiting the American landmass before Columbus discovered it.

She has lived so long that she's lost the ability to relate to most human emotions - she will still understand respect, gratitude and affection, and guilt to an extent, but tends to be incapable of feeling anything else besides this. Even anger seems precluded to her, though she can grow annoyed.

She hasn't directly killed a single human being in 1500 years, not even accidentally, since she involuntarily caused the death of a young girl she had grown attached to. While her view on death is normally rather different than that of mortals (she often claims that 'life is eternal, a lifetime is ephemeral'), her feelings for the girl in question were extremely strong, as she had raised her essentially from birth when her mother died delivering her. Thus, maternal instinct may have been a factor.

For the most part, Shiver regards other creatures of the night, as well as most humans, as inconsequential. She rarely lets herself get attached to a human, and once the human passes away, she moves on immediately. In her early years, solitude caused her to create a number of other vampires, but it has been two thousand years since she sired one, as she realized that most vampires were simply driven by their most basic instincts.

She does not have a particular aim in life: she's content with observing, convinced that one day she will find a meaning for her own existence.

POWERS: Life drain, Charm, Limited telepathy, Polymorph self (Bat cloud), Regeneration, Enhanced physical abilities, Ehanced senses, Night vision, does not need to breathe or eat solid food. She appears to be able to communicate with most wild animals and have command over insects.

WEAKNESSES: Cannot stand strong smells, Sunlight makes her eyes hurt, Cannot enter houses uninvited, Holy symbols wielded by one with true faith in it and a pure heart will force her at a distance.

TRIVIA: Shiver comments on how Shinobu looks strangely familiar and makes her feel nostalgic. This is due to Shinobu looking a lot like the unnamed girl whom Shiver raised centuries ago, and whose death she caused. She has an instinctive affection towards Shinobu as a result.

Shiver hates orchids. She clams they offend her aesthetic sense.
 

007

Well-Known Member
#18
GH here is an idea, have Shiver actually be Cleopatra (the way she died was made as an assumption). Also maybe you could have Shiver get her sence of humor back.
 
#19
Her being a real-life historical figure like Cleopatra sounds kind of stupid... also, why would an Egyptian Pharaoh be starving to the point of eating a diety's food sacrifices and thus incur that diety's wrath?
 

GenocideHeart

Well-Known Member
#20
Exactly. Besides, Cleopatra lived around 100AD, if I recall correctly - in Julius Caesar's time. Shiver predates her by well over three thousand years.
 
#21
You mean 100 BC - the AD calender starts with the birth of Christ, which was in Caesar Augustus' time, some time after Julius Caesar's assassination.
 

GenocideHeart

Well-Known Member
#22
Dark Knight Gafgar said:
You mean 100 BC - the AD calender starts with the birth of Christ, which was in Caesar Augustus' time, some time after Julius Caesar's assassination.
Yeah, sorry. My bad.
 

007

Well-Known Member
#23
Alright so I'm not good with timelines.
 
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