Iron Fic 2-2

Watashiwa

Administrator
Staff member
#1
Sometimes the weight of the world is just too much.? Your responsibilities crush you, people's expectations suffocate you, or your pride holds you back.? What can you do?? You can soldier on; an admirable trait, or you can give in.? Bow to outside pressure and take the easy path, give into temptation, join the dark side, and screw the rules.

Please note: giving in does not mean giving up.? It can be taken in a thousand different different ways: accepting an unwanted compromise taking advantage of an offer, and so on. Be creative!

The challenge is made, so go!
Hell with it; I've got a panel. You guys get ten extra minutes.
 

locke69

Well-Known Member
#2
Tempted, I really am. But too busying DMing to spare the hour(s) needed to write something.
 

Megaolix

Well-Known Member
#4
Hmmm... I come up with nothing. Guess I'll have to pass this time.

Seriously Wata, I at least expected an answer about the time in the main IF thread.
 

Megaolix

Well-Known Member
#6
Watashiwa said:
I... What?? I said yesterday that it started at 11.
So you didn't even read my post in the first place?

Go check. It wasn't about when it started at all. Here
 

violinmana

(Hardcore) Gamer
#7
I'll judge, since I just woke up, and have a raid in an hour.
 

Watashiwa

Administrator
Staff member
#8
Megaolix said:
Watashiwa said:
I... What?á I said yesterday that it started at 11.
So you didn't even read my post in the first place?

Go check. It wasn't about when it started at all. Here
Oh that. Yeah no. Four hour Iron Fic is a lot of fun for me; twenty four hour was vm's deal.
 

Halibel Lecter

Well-Known Member
#9
So how long do we.... frak it, I have no time.

Payment offered if anyone would care to judge a late entry.... <_<
 

twin blade

Well-Known Member
#10
Halibel, they always judge late entries.

And if Wata and Violinmana don't, I'll judge - I need a better writer than me for something, and I don't wanna use up a favor just yet.
 

Shaderic

Well-Known Member
#13
twin blade said:
Wills

With plenty of time to spare. Nowhere near four minutes late.
And on-time judging this time!
So, lets take a look...
And, we're looking at what appears to be another original piece. No obvious errors. We're looking at a story told mostly in dialogue, with some thought-skips thrown in.

I'm liking some of the talking that gets tossed around in here. But, at the end... it feels like he gave in too easily. I know that the theme is giving in, but... Well, it felt like he gave in too easily.

Another thing, if you've been forced to spend six months with someone, don't you generally learn something about them? Anything? If you hadn't specified a time, I wouldn't have been so picky about this, but you did. And I'm sort of wondering what happened to the character development.

The last, and final thing, is more a personal nitpick. We know he can't get rid of the succubus, but what I want is DETAILS. For the love of god, it's the little things, the small touches, that really make up a story.

FINAL SCORE

85/100
 

Cornuthaum

Well-Known Member
#14

Latewave

Well-Known Member
#18
*lightwave?kicks Wata in the Head. Go post your turn, or be skipped.
 

Latewave

Well-Known Member
#20
Watashiwa said:
Post my turn?

Oh Hell, Dorf Fort. I'm busy until Tuesday; skip me. ><

And oh wow. Six entries for the second IF? Very nice! Shaderic, you're on the ball; Left Shoe, mind helping out?
*lightwave?booted you to the end of the list.
 
#21
Quick question, when does the next one start considering that I was late to this one and the last.
 

Kayeich

Well-Known Member
#22
They're at 11am PST (that's -8 GMT if you're not in the US) on saturday and go for four hours, Cynic.
 

Left Shoe

Well-Known Member
#23
Watashiwa said:
And oh wow.á Six entries for the second IF?á Very nice!á Shaderic, you're on the ball; Left Shoe, mind helping out?
Starting tomorrow morning. Still dealing with spyware/adware crap from Wednesday, mostly under control but now my virus-scan program is acting weird.

Copy-pasted all 6 entries to my desktop. Expect scores within 24 hours, barring massive security failure.
 

Shaderic

Well-Known Member
#24
Resuming judging again...
NGE is NOT my strongsuit. I want to make this clear. That, and I'm really, really confused.

Solid, emotional writing though. No visible errors. Fits the theme, too... I think.

94/100. Points off for the fact that I'm not really understanding what's going on. I think I get it, though... Makes the Ikari Shinji Raising Project that I've been reading feel a whole lot creepier, all of sudden...
 

Shaderic

Well-Known Member
#25
Cornuthaum said:
Vita Detestabilis

Yeah, WoW. It's grunt's fault.
JUDGEMENT!
Niiiice. I'm only barely familiar with WoW, but I like this piece. No grammar errors, good flow, and it's pretty fun to read.

The only problem I can really spot here, is a lack of theme. Solid work, though. Iron hard, even.

90/100.
 
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