Iron Fic 3.6 - Look at your clock, ye youma...

biigoh

Well-Known Member
#1
The one thing about time travelers and time manipulators is that, really, so very few people expect them to KNOW about what would happen. But that was more because they were not used to thinking non-linearly.

It's common-sense after all, step one, led to step two, and from there three. "Common" sense and logic dictated that time flowed in a single direction.

Seconds flowed into minutes, and minutes into hours, hours into days, and days into years. Never to return. Always rushing and gushing forth.

Ramua was respected in the Dark Kingdom. Respected as a seer, a minor oracle, with some control over minor magics and illusions aspected to time. Not feared like certain other youma, for she bore no truly offense magic.

A support type, some might say. And a saying that she didn't mind, for it was what she desired. A reputation that she cultivated with care. With precision.

Hold back too much and no one would show respect to you.

Show too much and other people would certainly fear you and thus observe you and prepare plans.

But conceal just the right amount of power, and people would consider you not strong enough to require dealing with... and never ever show your trump cards.

Until they were absolutely needed.

"Moon Tiara Magic!" The fierce light, once a tiara, burned at her body.

The sailor fuku clad girls had some magic. Yes.

Sufficient to inconvenience her, certainly. More worryingly, however, was that she had recognized the blue haired one's magic, her outfit and toys.

A relic from that war. A war she had once fought in.

A war where she had seen her fall. A mighty warrior, steeped in magic, knowledge and wisdom.

The little chit that she was now was but a pale echo of who she was, who she could be. She hadn't recognized Mercury's companion. For the Moon, in those days, had no senshi.

And so, she let them "win", let her body shatter, and ignite into dust. Letting her mind glide down backwards into the past.

Down time.

It is said that those who learn from their history, do not repeat them in the future. It just happened that Ramua's past and history were her future. Were could have beens, might have beens and never will bes.

That if something happened to her displeasure, why she just needed to repeat. Over and over for as long as it took for her to make it not happen, and for a better path to open forth for her.

Time for her, was no narrow river bubbling down a single path. Nor a straight path of cause to effect, that one traveled to from a gate, guarded by a fierce dog.

No, time for her was as magic to be teased and manipulated. A big ball of wibbly wobbly timey wimey thing that was half environment and half toy that she could and did play with.

Adjust to her liking.

Guide and shape. So that the history that lay behind her was of a pleasing shape to her eyes and mind.

And once more, Ramua smiled as she watched the countless hosts of youma march forth from Earth. Marched upon the Moon Kingdom.

Watched the senshi fall, one by one.

Looked down at wide empty eyes, blue, black, and brown. Multi-colored hair coated in the liquid crimson that lay in humans.

Looked down, let her lips curve upwards in joy and pleasure known before marching on past what no longer mattered.

She and Bunbo had merely been two of the number of seers, who had been in the strategic and tactical planning department.

But unlike her, Bunbo was.... limited.

Able to only see and remember what was. Unable to conceive of being more. Unlike to think of what lay outside the box that his memories showed.

That what he remembered, had to be true. Was true. Never to be altered.

She changed things. Adjusted it, always shaping it to optimum perfection.

She remembered the first time the Moon had been invaded, so many many eternities ago. The desperate rout as Witch Queen Serenity and her senshi bitches shattered them with unspeakable might.

Each and every senshi more than a match against the entire host of the Dark Kingdom.

And they still were.

But plans and artifacts designed to deal with their puissant might were employed. The raw power of each attack, more than capable of devastating entire cities in a single strike, were diverted... elsewhere.

Plans and artifacts honed from repeated use, and knowledge of what would work and what wouldn't.

Now, now the senshi fell like animals at the slaughterhouse. Helpless before the Dark Kingdom.

And time flowed forwards.

And looped back on itself once more.

Twisted sideways.

Tangled upon itself.

Over and over.

But with each iteration, Ramua learned more and more of her opponents.

And with each iteration, their strengths, their weaknesses, their secrets were laid bare to her.

And more importantly, so were their identities. Who they were. And who they used to be in the Moon Kingdom. And who they could still yet become.

If she allowed them. They were but two in the here and now.

Young in their power. With allies unseen to them.

But she had espied them. Had their measure.

And so, she planned.

She wove plots and stratagems to deal with the younger Serenity's reincarnation and the little slip of a chit's companions long while the seals laid by her mother in her dying breaths were yet young.

Plans and maps of what could be, would be laid out in panels of floating light in the "back rooms" of her little shop that she ran in the Dark Kingdom.

Was not its name "Clock Look" amusing? Look at the clock, as it spins back and forth. That was her power.

And yet.

And yet.

None ever saw past her cultivated reputation. A 'seer', one who had once been part of the Moon Kingdom Invasion strategists. A 'seer' who held little power beyond "cheap" illusions.

And so, she plotted

And eventually slipped out on to Earth, when ancient seals once young and all encompassing were weak enough to be pierced. A goal clear in mind, with mental flowcharts of events, even as others sent out scouts and explorers.

An "accidental" stumble and she ran into a male. One Chiba Mamoru.

"Oh... I'm sorry." Blush, and look up at him with limpid eyes. Give him an eyeful of her cleavage.

To deal with Serenity, one had to ensure that her allies were not there to help.

Killing them caused even more problems.

A fine touch was needed.

And so... Ramua played at being a seductress. For now.

And tested the planned path of events as they flowed down linearly, guided from event to event much like a game.

The one thing about time travelers and time manipulators is that, really, so very few people expect them to KNOW about what would happen. But that was more because they were not used to thinking non-linearly.

And Ramua had lived long enough, that her thoughts flowed in ways those constrained by the four dimensions seldom could.

***

Iron Fic 3.6 Entry
Look at your clock, ye youma...

A Sailor Moon One Shot
Start Time : 11:45 AM
End Time : 12:45 PM
Edit/Post Time : 1:00 PM

***

And so, one day... she would see and make the path to her victory.
 

Seiya

Well-Known Member
#3
Great fic Biigoh. Nice insight to a rather minor youma and the minds of those who can manipulate time.
 

Latewave

Well-Known Member
#4
The darkness between time. The Light before life. Behold the greatest judge and despair.

Writing proficiency 19/20

My lack of grammar skills fail me. I can see no obvious errors.

Theme 20/20

The theme is followed

Depth 18/20

Depth is depth except when it's fake. Wata torments the shallow judge lightwave with depth.

Story 17/20

*lightwave?shrugs

Personal Opinion 17/20

Sailor Moon is eh for me.

91/100
 

biigoh

Well-Known Member
#5
Seiya said:
Great fic Biigoh. Nice insight to a rather minor youma and the minds of those who can manipulate time.
Thanks... ^_^

Poor monsters of the week, they need some attention and love too.
 

zeebee1

Well-Known Member
#6
Well, at least you know how to write Mary Sues.
 

Seiya

Well-Known Member
#7
zeebee1 said:
Well, at least you know how to write Mary Sues.
Can you say something constructive for once. That was just needlessly insulting and completely unhelpful.
 

zeebee1

Well-Known Member
#8
I just didn't like it. It's not about the quality. I came into this seeing a youma and expecting her to be taken down by Pluto, with the theme of there is always something better. Instead I see the youma that will one day take over the universe because she can think better than the other seers.

I do not like it when the bad guys win, especially when it's a lose/lose scenario.
 

Seiya

Well-Known Member
#9
zeebee1 said:
I just didn't like it. It's not about the quality. I came into this seeing a youma and expecting her to be taken down by Pluto, with the theme of there is always something better. Instead I see the youma that will one day take over the universe because she can think better than the other seers.

I do not like it when the bad guys win, especially when it's a lose/lose scenario.
That at least is much clearer. Your first post was completely unhelpful and offered Biigoh zero feedback excluding a pointless flame.
 

biigoh

Well-Known Member
#10
zeebee1 said:
I just didn't like it. It's not about the quality. I came into this seeing a youma and expecting her to be taken down by Pluto, with the theme of there is always something better. Instead I see the youma that will one day take over the universe because she can think better than the other seers.

I do not like it when the bad guys win, especially when it's a lose/lose scenario.
Ah, but the theme isn't there is always a bigger fish. Rather, that forewarned is forearmed, that KNOWLEDGE is power.

I'm postulating a youma that can force a reset to a 'save' point. And then use that knowledge she got from prior to that 'reset', which is mostly accurate barring butterfly effects.

She can still be surprised, still can fail, she just gets to retry til she gets it right. Or she gets killed horribly and fast enough to prevent 'reset/mulligan'.
 

fallacies

Well-Known Member
#11
Writing Proficiency: 18/20
There are some tense errors and so forth -- nothing too major.

Theme: 20/20
The theme is followed.

Depth: 18/20
The world setting you present is fairly interesting, but the elaborations upon the canon don't really go quite as deep as I would've wanted.

Story/Plot: 18/20
The protagonist's account of "what was" is nice, but it's a bit difficult to discern exactly where she's going. Though she could potentially do all sorts of things, it seems she's dutifully focused on achieving the basic goals of the Dark Kingdom? In that case, does she have any personal motives or ambitions beyond that?

Personal Opinion: 19/20
Overall, I feel that it was an enjoyable read.

Overall Score: 93/100
 

Watashiwa

Administrator
Staff member
#12
Iron Ficcer biigoh makes yet another appearance in the third season of Iron Fic, this time demonstrating what you can do with all the time in the world--in less than four hours. Is it enough to overcome his competition?

Writing proficiency: 10

biigoh made an unfortunate choice of garnishes, that is, mistakes. Having warned him during the competition, I was vastly disappointed to see that many errors remained to spoil an otherwise excellent dish.

Theme: 20

Countering his technical errors is a truly excellent use of the secret ingredient. Having grasped the possibilities, biigoh cooks a deep dished dish with a dark taste.

Depth: 17

One of the few entries to fully explore the possibilities of the theme in the history of this contest. biigoh managed something excellent here, sadly tarnished by basic phrasing errors.

Story/Plot: 20

Again, a truly glorious submission. biigoh takes the original and brings out flavours often missed by other chefs.

Personal Opinion: 17

Despite my distaste for the original material and numerous cooking mistakes, biigoh has managed to craft a masterpiece. If those basic mistakes had been fixed, this would have been the clear favorite to win.

TOTAL: 84
 

biigoh

Well-Known Member
#13
Watashiwa said:
Iron Ficcer biigoh makes yet another appearance in the third season of Iron Fic, this time demonstrating what you can do with all the time in the world--in less than four hours.? Is it enough to overcome his competition?

Writing proficiency: 10

biigoh made an unfortunate choice of garnishes, that is, mistakes.? Having warned him during the competition, I was vastly disappointed to see that many errors remained to spoil an otherwise excellent dish.
I honestly can't see what typos you're seeing there. No, seriously.

In short, point 'em out? I grant that the phasing could have been better.
 
Top