Iron Fic 5-1: Moving Time

Watashiwa

Administrator
Staff member
#1
Moving. Leaving the nest. Transferring. Changing venue. No matter what you call it, a move is a big deal. It means leaving behind the known to enter the unknown, trading familiarity for opportunity, and saying farewell with the knowledge that you'll be greeting new people before long.

Your challenge this week is to write a story about moving. Your story doesn't need to be about moving house; you might choose to write about a military squad's transfer, animal migration, a friend's move to a foreign country or perhaps moving internet forums. Hey, stranger things have happened.

Judges for this contest will be: lightwave, Vog, Ninsaneja and Zephyrus. The four of them will grade your entries and the person with the highest total score wins.

 

biigoh

Well-Known Member
#5
http://thefanfictionforum.net/showthread.php?tid=19797&pid=1171019#pid1171019

Doctor Who : Coats.
 

Ninsaneja

Well-Known Member
#6
Judging Notes
Iron Fic 5-1

Full score breakdown will be provided after late submissions are closed.


Harry Potter – The Next Great Adventure – Glimmervoid

Total: 81/100



Pokemon – Spread Your Wings and Fly – Seitora

Total: 92/100


Dresden Files – Living Through Changes – Hardcore Heathen

Total: 86/100



Doctor Who – Coats – Biigoh

Total: 81/100
 

zerohour

Well-Known Member
#7
You really need to stop having this when I've got work. Either make it a 24 hour challenge or find a way to send the prompt to participants at a flexible time.
 

Ninsaneja

Well-Known Member
#8
ZH, you can still submit at a very small penalty (-6)
 

Schema

Well-Known Member
#9
zerohour said:
You really need to stop having this when I've got work. Either make it a 24 hour challenge or find a way to send the prompt to participants at a flexible time.
This.

Edit:

Ok, gonna go into a bit more detail. If Iron Fic is going to become an official part of TFF it makes sense to rework the structure of the challenges.

I would like the following addendum added:

*) Authors are free to submit pieces up to a week after the challenge is issued to be graded by at least 2 judges. They do not count as 'official' Iron Fic submissions, but will be critiqued with the same rigor as other submissions. The judges may or may not be official judges.
 

violinmana

(Hardcore) Gamer
#10
Oh wow, right after I got back from work, I took a 6 hour nap. And then it's too late now.
 

zerohour

Well-Known Member
#11
Ninsaneja said:
ZH, you can still submit at a very small penalty (-6)
Still working, so I don't have time to hammer something out. I'll be able to start in about an hour, which is a minimum of a -16 penalty, probably a -20 at a minimum assuming I want it to have somethign resembling quality.

Hooray for second shift!
 

Vog

Well-Known Member
#12
Ok, I'm still at work but I've read everything so far. In depth comments will be done at some time later today. Everyone did a hell of a job though. You should all be proud.


Harry Potter – The Next Great Adventure – Glimmervoid

95/100

Pokemon – Spread Your Wings and Fly – Seitora
98/100

Dresden Files – Living Through Changes – Hardcore Heathen Total:
80/100


Doctor Who – Coats – Biigoh
85/100
 

Ninsaneja

Well-Known Member
#13
Schema said:
zerohour said:
You really need to stop having this when I've got work. Either make it a 24 hour challenge or find a way to send the prompt to participants at a flexible time.
This.

Edit:

Ok, gonna go into a bit more detail. If Iron Fic is going to become an official part of TFF it makes sense to rework the structure of the challenges.

I would like the following addendum added:

*) Authors are free to submit pieces up to a week after the challenge is issued to be graded by at least 2 judges. They do not count as 'official' Iron Fic submissions, but will be critiqued with the same rigor as other submissions. The judges may or may not be official judges.
Buddy, I would do this, schedule permitting, at any time.*
It doesn't have to be Iron Fic to get some feedback.
Normally, however, people find the idea of a number grade to be demeaning.
*Bearing in mind that I'm currently in the process of starting a small business and I won't always have time set aside to respond promptly.
 

Schema

Well-Known Member
#15
Ninsaneja said:
Schema said:
zerohour said:
You really need to stop having this when I've got work. Either make it a 24 hour challenge or find a way to send the prompt to participants at a flexible time.
This.

Edit:

Ok, gonna go into a bit more detail. If Iron Fic is going to become an official part of TFF it makes sense to rework the structure of the challenges.

I would like the following addendum added:

*) Authors are free to submit pieces up to a week after the challenge is issued to be graded by at least 2 judges. They do not count as 'official' Iron Fic submissions, but will be critiqued with the same rigor as other submissions. The judges may or may not be official judges.
Buddy, I would do this, schedule permitting, at any time.*
It doesn't have to be Iron Fic to get some feedback.
Normally, however, people find the idea of a number grade to be demeaning.
*Bearing in mind that I'm currently in the process of starting a small business and I won't always have time set aside to respond promptly.

I prefer number grades. I suck at writing. I know this, unequivocally. Just want to know how far down on the suck scale I am.
 

Latewave

Well-Known Member
#16
In place of content.

Have numbers.

Stupid forum eating posts.

I wrote a nice long one.

Wata your Forum sucks.

Appearing majestically from after hospital visits. And among the rebellious chats. I walk alone to grade late. Yeah. I'd have actual content here but sadly see above.

Harry Potter – The Next Great Adventure – Glimmervoid

80/100

Pokemon – Spread Your Wings and Fly – Seitora
90/100

Dresden Files – Living Through Changes – Hardcore Heathen Total:
80/100


Doctor Who – Coats – Biigoh
92/100

Graded for great Justice.

And Wata is lazy.

Because this is obvious.
 

Zephyrus

Searching for the six-fingered man.
#17
Just letting people know that I'm still alive. I've been very busy with work and family for the last 2-3 days. I WILL find the time to finish judging tomorrow...after work (as usual).

If that's too long, feel free to declare a winner based on the scores already given or find a replacement judge.

Sorry guys!
 

Watashiwa

Administrator
Staff member
#18
Hmm... thanks for the offer, but I think I'm just going to declare it.

This week we had four entries, from participants old and new. To them I would like to extend my deepest thanks and congratulations because all of their stories were fantastic. That said, there can be only one Iron Ficcer, and this week's is... Seitora! Good work!

Glimmervoid: Harry Potter - The Next Great Adventure. 81+95+80=256. Ave: 85.33

seitora: Pokemon - Spread Your Wings and Fly 92+98+90=280. Ave: 93.33

Hardcore Heathen: Dresden Files: Living Through Changes 86+80+80=246. Ave: 82

biigoh: Doctor Who - Coats 81+85+92=258. Ave: 86

Thank you all for participating, I hope to see you all again in next week's... IRON FIC!
 
#19
Expected seitora to win. Fic was way good. Gratz!

So are we ever going to see the actual score breakdown, or comments beyond the numbers? Would help to see what we did right and wrong.
 

Ninsaneja

Well-Known Member
#22
I already sent these to Wata, but I post them for publicly.


Harry Potter – The Next Great Adventure – Glimmervoid
Writing Proficiency: 15/20
Missing a few punctuation marks.
You're/Your mix-up

Theme (Moving): 18/20
Nothing to say here.

Source (Harry Potter): 18/20
I find it a bit odd that Dumbledore (whether memory or ghost) has changed so little in so much time. Other than that, can't say very much about it.

Story: 18/20
This story does not lend itself to being continued and isn't all that original; however, it's well-executed. The ending is a little too obvious as well.

Other: 12/20
The bacon thing was silly.
I personally am not a fan of this sort of story.
I feel like the amount of detail on Harry's family was subtly wrong, as if it needed either more or less to make sense.
Finally, the ghosts being seen by people thing was a bit of a strange way to add urgency – it's also unexplained how he's had a funeral without anyone seeing him so far.
(I feel like I put my gripes into this section when some of them belong in story... but I don't want to double-penalize so I'm being more generous there and less generous here.)

Total: 81/100



Pokemon – Spread Your Wings and Fly – Seitora
Writing Proficiency: 17/20
Run on sentences
Some odd phrasing (not penalized)
I'm assuming this instance of “Sparrow” should be “Spearow.”

Theme (Moving): 20/20
Moving, indeed.

Source (Pokemon): 19/20


Story: 19/20

Other: 17/20
Talking about red talking when he doesn't talk bothered me.

Total: 92/100



Dresden Files – Living Through Changes – Hardcore Heathen
Writing Proficiency: 20/20
I can't find anything that makes me upset about your English.

Theme (Moving): 17/20
Less about moving and more about changes in his life, I guess. They don't really feel all that connected to the theme.
Then I thought about it and gave you more points.

Source (Dresden Files): 20/20
Looks good from here.

Story: 15/20
Short,
Feels like it relies too much on being an ending to the story, rather than a complete story in its own right. Bending over to make sure that people know what the character is reacting to is half of your word count, which means that in context its actually very repetitive.
The ending is jarring and to people who don't know the setting, it doesn't make sense at all.
Basically, this story relies far too much on the actual novel without standing on its own.


Other: 14/20


Total: 86/100




Doctor Who – Coats – Biigoh
Writing Proficiency: 15/20
Missing some words every once in a while.
Some bad commas.

Theme (Moving): 14/20
Even more than the Harry Potter example, this doesn't fit the theme.
I have given you points for trying.

Source (Doctor Who): 19/20


Story: 18/20


Other: 15(17)/20
-2 for being between 1 and 60 minutes late
The different kinds of repetitiveness was odd.
You repeated yourself in a variety of ways and I thought it was strange.

Total: 81/100

EDIT: I tried to stay consistent... and failed.
Sorry.
I basically used the other sections as a combination "odd penalty" and "personal enjoyment" score.
I can only explain that large penalty on HH's as that I didn't like his fic as much. (Due to the style, not the content)
Sorry HH.
 

biigoh

Well-Known Member
#23
I would like you to say WHY my fic isn't in theme, Ninsaneja. Seriously.

Because if this is going to be you going "theme doesn't fit" because I don't like fandom or shit. I'm not going to bother writing further for Iron Fic as it becomes pointless.
 

Ninsaneja

Well-Known Member
#24
It's not about the fandom.
To repeat myself from IRC, your fic is simply the least "in-theme" to me.
However, I honestly should have given you about 2 more points on theme. I did not remember to compare between fics afterwards to make sure I had given more similar scores to similar things.
I feel my major error here was being a bit inconsistent.
That's something I will definitely remember if I judge again.

In the end, though, a 14 does mean that I thought you were mostly on theme.
Expect a zero if I think you simply weren't on theme.

EDIT: As for "WHY?"
It did not feel like the focus was exactly on moving, or more specifically, relocating.
It's still a transition, which is why it qualifies for points. But it's not physical at all, where the other fics all managed to capture the feeling of going to a new place. Yours is, unlike the others, 100% metaphorical "moving."
Again, it still fits, but not as well as the other entries, which is why I gave you the least points in that category.
Also note that in "other," I included your late penalty. I like the story just fine. The only problem that I had with it in terms of enjoyment is what I wrote - You had some strange repetitions that I found to be strange. This might be in character for the Doctor, but I didn't like reading (that tiny part of it.)

Also, to HH: I didn't really like your story and I can't really explain why.
That bugs me.
But I cut a few points for that reason.
Sometimes you have to go with your gut.
 

biigoh

Well-Known Member
#25
So... a philosophical use of theme is out of theme. Metaphorical usage of theme is not good. Because I didn't go with a literal usage I'm being penalized. Thanks a lot.

And indeed, you do have to go with your guts. It's been a fun few years, I guess I'll be moving on.
 
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