Preface:
Biigoh, the reason a Haiku will have a hard time winning is that you can't have much of a meaningful story in one, at least in my opinion. It's a valid submission, though.
I graded it but I'm not posting the grade unless Wata twists my arm - I'm considering your much better second submission as your real submission. Your first submission got a 66/100.
I appreciate that you decided to participate with full seriousness after all.
Also, aside from Bii's sarcastic haiku, I enjoyed everyone's stories for the most part.
Violinmana – Children of the New Era – Soldier of the S-Class
Writing Proficiency: 19/20
I noticed some things wrong, but then you used the word upheaved.
Bonus points.
Even microsoft word thinks it's wrong.
I'm also attributing some of the errors to first person stylistic speech. However, you used the wrong conjugation of a word once or twice, which I can't ignore.
Theme (Riot): 19/20
Source (Children of the New Era): 20/20
I haven't read it, but you made it sound interesting enough.
Story: 17/20
More tell than show.
Other: 17/20
Repeated the idea that S-Class are too strong too many times.
Total: 92/100
Biigoh (Submission 2) – In the Mouth of Madness – After the End
Writing Proficiency: 20/20
Theme (Riot): 20/20
Edit: Moved point loss at wave's request.
Source (In the Mouth of Madness): 20/20
Story: 15/20
It's 100% metaphors. (-2)
I don't think anything happened. (-2)
I don't know why I should care about any of this description. (-2)
On the other hand, it's clearly meaningful in terms of the setting and the events which give it context.(+1)
Other: 16/20
And I wasn't a big fan of lovecraft, so zany metaphors about madness do not entertain me. (-3)
Fic did not have direct reference to the theme, resulting in confusion for me over whether it had it or was just using it as a buzzword to qualify (-1)
Total: 91/100
Frostdragonz – Type-Moon – The Heroic Riot
Writing Proficiency: 12/20
Odd (inconsistent) sentence structure
Extra period
Missing comma
Missing question marks
Your/You're mixup
Theme (Riot): 18/20
It's more of a protest
Source (Type-Moon): 16/20
Goofy and crackish interpretation of the characters
Story: 15/20
I understand the idea of the fic as a crackfic, but it doesn't manage to make me laugh. Sorry. I will exercise my funny bone in the future.
Other: 18/20
Multiple instances of scene cut “Time Passes...â€
Total: 79/100
To be honest, I graded you a little harder than my initial impulse because your story is not as good as last week's “81's.†By a little bit at least. That's only a few points though. Work on your technical aspects of writing and you'll do much better!
Seitora – Death Note – All the World's a Stage
Writing Proficiency: 17/20
Odd Space before comma
Missing pluralization
Theme (Riot): 18/20
It's revolution! That's good enough for me.
Source (Death Note): 20/20
I don't even like Death Note, but you kept it interesting enough. And from what little I understand, this fic managed to capture the reason for Kira's transformation from murderer to engineer of war.
Story: 19/20
Drags at points. Otherwise, delicious.
Other: 20/20
Total: 94/100
Seitora did not offer me five dollars for top score. Actually, it's because the one place where I could possibly deduct any more points (source) is out of my knowledge for the most part.
I'm being generous to fandoms that I don't like or understand in that section.
Glimmervoid – Dresden Files – Rome in Summer
Writing Proficiency: 17/20
Missing commas. When making an aside, like so, there is a comma both before and after.
More missing commas. Attributing most of them to style.
Incorrect conjugation
Theme (Riot): 18/20
A very literal riot. However, it's kind of peripheral to the story.
Source (Dresden Files): 20/20
Story: 18/20
At least mildly engaging, with a nice twist/joke ending.
Other: 18/20
I don't like your main character's attitude.
Total: 91/100
Hardcore Heathen – Harry Potter – The Perfect Impersonation
Writing Proficiency: 20/20
I chalked a few questionable flaws up to style.
Theme (Riot): 14/20
Implied by the ending, but the focus of the story is on a drinking contest and it doesn't feel like a riot at all.
Source (Harry Potter): 20/20
I'll let you get away with a lot of shit.
Story: 18/20
Story feels like it does not know which direction it wants to go off and vomit in.
Other: 17(19)/20
Sorry HH. It's late. By a nose. (-2)
Total: 89/100
I think that with the time you had, this style of fic was a decent way to go. However, you might have wanted to game the system and work on in for another 15 minutes or so
.
Byakuryuu – Megaman X – Libero
Writing Proficiency: 15/20
While I like a good ; as much as the next guy, you definitely went beyond the scope of the mark.
Oh god they're everywhere.
Everywhere
I see ; when I close my eyes.
Redundant contraction (the enemy'd had hit)
I did not individually penalize all the semi-colons. They're not fully incorrect, it's just terrible style to use them when a less complicated punctuation mark is equally proper. Basically, try to use them only when you can't replace them with another punctuation mark without losing any meaning.
Theme (Riot): 19/20
Source (Megaman X): 20/20
I was going to lower your points when I thought it was X in first person.
Once I knew it was Vile, I mourned the fact that I have only twenty points to give you in this section.
Story: 19/20
Needs better hook/opening.
Other: 18(20)/20
Late (-2)
Total: 91/100
I love your story here. If you hadn't been late and had used a few less semi-colons, this could easily have been a 97. Please contribute again next week.