Iron Fic 5-2: Riotous Uprising

biigoh

Well-Known Member
#26
I'm sorry, but the Haiku IS an entry, it's the actual entry that focuses on what Freeza would consider a "riot" by monkeys from planet Vegeta. I can understand that it might be too subtle and such, but there it is.

The movie entry is me being bored and doing another flash fic.
 

Ninsaneja

Well-Known Member
#27
If you insist:
Biigoh – DBZ – Monkey Riot
Writing Proficiency: 15/20
True Judgement's Horror:
You didn't even make it
a real haiku, dude

Theme (Riot): 20/20

Source (Dragon Ball Z): 10/20
Only moderately related to the so-called subject matter

Story: 1/20
There is no story.

Other: 20/20
Meh. I would dock you points here, too, but I don't need to.

Total: 66/100


Schema – (Can't talk about it) – Muse on Spring
Writing Proficiency: 18/20
Can't tell if poem or speech.

Theme (Riot): 18/20
Revolution got 20 points before. It's only predicting it, but hey.

Source: 20/20
Generosity of having not seen the movie.

Story: 12/20
This could have been in the film for all I know. It's just putting an agenda (that he probably had) in the mouth of a character. I don't think that's engaging.
Very short.

Other: 14(20)/20
The Late Late Club President (-6)
Overly political (not penalized, it's from the source material as far as I know.)


Total: 82/100
 

Latewave

Well-Known Member
#28
As I look down at the rioting masses that are before me and I'll say. "I'm the best judge."

Bii's Haiku 200
All of the points. All of them. You can have Nja's points. It's not like he needs them.

Soldier of the S-Class by violinmana
WRITING PROFICIENCY: 19/20
No real errors.

THEME: 17/20
It's kind of nebulous? I'm not to sure on it.

SOURCE: 18/20
I have no clue on this at all. I don't know if it follows the source or not. It's not like I have access to it.

Congrats on being the first person to write fanfiction of the book.
You get a medal.

Wata can make it.

STORY: 18/20
I don't really know what to say about it?

OTHER: 15/20
I don't like reading fanfiction about stuff I don't know. I blame Wata for the Score.

87/100

After the end... by Biigoh
WRITING PROFICIENCY: 18/20
Nothing really spotted.
Wave wasn't chosen for his skills at words.

THEME: 20/20

SOURCE: 20/20

STORY: 17/20

OTHER: 17/20

92/100

The Heroic Riot by frostdragonZ
WRITING PROFICIENCY: 14/20
Okay. Lots of horrible writing. Reminds me of proof reading my sisters work.

THEME: 14/20
It's. I don't have words. I have numbers however.

SOURCE: 13/20
It's a crackfic. It's not one to hold to the source. You may want to think about it later.

STORY: 16/20

OTHER: 15/20
I didn't have much enjoyment of it. Practice more.

72/100

All The World's a Stage by Seitora
WRITING PROFICIENCY: 20/20
No obvious flaws.

THEME: 20/20
Loved it.

SOURCE: 20/20
I could see Light pulling this. If he actually thought about it.

STORY: 20/20
Is this going to be a shutout perfect score?

OTHER: 20/20

I'm not sorry about this score.

Enjoyed it.

You earned it.

100/100

Rome in Summer by Glimmervoid
WRITING PROFICIENCY: 18/20
Nothing really wrong

THEME: 16/20
While it contains a riot. It doesn't really matter to the plot? It's sorta just there on the side. Ya know?

SOURCE: 18/20
Points deducted for not really having anyone I actually recognized in it.

STORY: 18/20

OTHER: 16/20
Don't care for your story at all. I suspect the OC.

86/100

The Perfect Impersonation by Hardcore Heathen
WRITING PROFICIENCY: 17/20
I saw somethings that well were wrong to me. And I'm not good at this part.

THEME: 16/20
Riot What Riot? That thing at the end?
Meh.

SOURCE: 17/20
Unlike Nja I won't let you get away with it because it's Harry potter. Sorry.

STORY: 18/20

OTHER: 17(9)/20
Shrug

85/100

Libero by byakuryuu
WRITING PROFICIENCY: 19/20
Good on ya.

THEME: 20/20

SOURCE: 20/20
MEGAMAN FUCK YEA.
Sorry. Wave is massive Megaman fan.

STORY: 19/20

OTHER: 18/20
only points off for tardy


96/100



Muse on Spring by Schema
Writing Proficiency: 17/20
words.

Theme: 18/20

Source: 20/20

Story: 14/20

Other: 14/20
-6
Total: 83/100
 
#29
Ninsaneja said:
Theme (Riot): 14/20
Implied by the ending, but the focus of the story is on a drinking contest and it doesn't feel like a riot at all.

...

Total: 89/100
I think that with the time you had, this style of fic was a decent way to go. However, you might have wanted to game the system and work on in for another 15 minutes or so :p.
I didn't finish reading the prompt. I got as far as:

Your job is to write about a riot. How did it come about?
Then I rushed off to Word and started hammering something out. It's also why the Disclaimer isn't specific to Harry Potter - I literally had not decided what to write on. The only thing that I wrote that got "changed" was that I went back and added in the title.

Thought I was on time, or I'd have spent more time on it. So close :p
 

Ninsaneja

Well-Known Member
#30
It was a good effort, HH.
 

biigoh

Well-Known Member
#31
Ninsaneja said:
If you insist:
Biigoh – DBZ – Monkey Riot
Writing Proficiency: 15/20
True Judgement's Horror:
You didn't even make it
a real haiku, dude
5/7/5, invokes nature. Not a real haiku? Dude, you want me to try and puzzle out how to do moon runes on a forum or some shit?!?
 

Ninsaneja

Well-Known Member
#32
"Monkeys want more"
This is your first line.
Monkeys is two syllables.
Want is one syllable.
More is one syllable.
 

biigoh

Well-Known Member
#33
Fair enough... the Biis weakness to counting has been discovered~
 

seitora

Well-Known Member
#34
Sooo...judges? Zeph? Vog? The guy with late in his name already posted.
 

Watashiwa

Administrator
Staff member
#35
Sorry, trying to do all the grading/commentary at once, but I had two largish projects given to me at work the day after the email server crashed.

Tonight hopefully, tomorrow for sure if not. Very sorry for the delay.
 

Watashiwa

Administrator
Staff member
#36
Working is awful. Here are my scores and the averages.
EDIT: The delay on this judging and scoring is entirely on me and I apologize. In the future I will NOT allow this to happen again, regardless of what I have to do to complete it or see it done.

[Children of the New Era] Soldier of the S-Class by violinmana: 83. Total: 92+87+83=268 (Ave. 89.33)

[In the Mouth of Madness] After the End by biigoh: 37. Total:91+92+37=220 (Ave. 73.33)

[Fate/Stay Night] The Heroic Riot by frostdragonz: 75 Total:71+72+75=218 (Ave. 72.67)

[Death Note] All the World's A Stage by Seitora: 90. Total:94+100+94=288 (Ave. 96)

[The Dresden Files] Rome in Summer by Glimmervoid: 85. Total:91+86+85=262 (Ave. 87.33)

[Harry Potter] Harry Potter and the Perfect Impersonation by Hardcore Heathen: 88. Total:89+85+88=262 (Ave. 87.33)

[Megaman X] Libero by byakuryuu: 78. Total:91+96+78=265 (Ave. 88.33)

[Fight Club] Muse on Spring by Schema: 81. Total: 82+83+81= 246 (Ave. 82)

And... wow, a clear winner for this week. Congrats Seitora, and thank you all for writing!
 

byakuryuu

Well-Known Member
#37
Watashiwa said:
Working is awful. Here are my scores and the averages.
EDIT: The delay on this judging and scoring is entirely on me and I apologize. In the future I will NOT allow this to happen again, regardless of what I have to do to complete it or see it done.

[Children of the New Era] Soldier of the S-Class by violinmana: 83. Total: 92+87+83=268 (Ave. 89.33)

[In the Mouth of Madness] After the End by biigoh: 37. Total:91+92+37=220 (Ave. 73.33)

[Fate/Stay Night] The Heroic Riot by frostdragonz: 75 Total:71+72+75=218 (Ave. 72.67)

[Death Note] All the World's A Stage by Seitora: 90. Total:94+100+94=288 (Ave. 96)

[The Dresden Files] Rome in Summer by Glimmervoid: 85. Total:91+86+85=262 (Ave. 87.33)

[Harry Potter] Harry Potter and the Perfect Impersonation by Hardcore Heathen: 88. Total:89+85+88=262 (Ave. 87.33)

[Megaman X] Libero by byakuryuu: 78. Total:91+96+78=265 (Ave. 88.33)

[Fight Club] Muse on Spring by Schema: 81. Total: 82+83+81= 246 (Ave. 82)

And... wow, a clear winner for this week. Congrats Seitora, and thank you all for writing!
Is it possible for me to get a feedback sheet for that 78 you gave me? The other judges have already typed what they think and I'd like your input as well, even if it is just PM.

Please and thank you.
 
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