Iron Fic 5-3: Keeping Secrets

Watashiwa

Administrator
Staff member
#1
Iron Fic 5-3: Keeping Secrets

Everyone keeps secrets. True thoughts, unspoken feelings, mistakes, small thing like that. Sometimes the secrets are bigger: murder, insider trading, adultery, betrayal, broken oaths, war crimes... So long as they remain secret you can go on with your life normally. But secrets have a way of getting out.

Suddenly that secret is threatened, and you have to act to keep it safe. Do you destroy the evidence and blackmail, bribe, or silence witnesses? Run and hide? Or do something more elaborate to secure the secrecy you wish to protect? What is this secret you need to hide so desperately? It could be a hilarious misunderstanding on your part... but can you take that risk?



Note: Scores and totals for 5-2 will go up shortly, this week has been busy as hell AND I made basic adding errors before I gave up last night. Thanks for your patience.
 

violinmana

(Hardcore) Gamer
#2
First.

Code Geass - Zero is a dick - http://thefanfictionforum.net/showthread.php?tid=19866
 

Glimmervoid

Well-Known Member
#4
My entry. Truth be told, wasn't really feeling it tonight.

They Know - set the Laundry Files Universe by Charles Stross.
 

Cosgrove

Well-Known Member
#5
Well, didn't have much time, but my mind by my mind seemed to shoot towards .hack and Ovan so I went with it.

The Truth - .hack//GU

Not entirely happy with it, but eh, I wanted to get something in for once.
 

biigoh

Well-Known Member
#6
http://thefanfictionforum.net/showthread.php?tid=19870

Patience - A Harry Potter thing.
 

biigoh

Well-Known Member
#8
Given that I wasn't feeling at my best... can it be that this secret is something dreadful?
 

Ninsaneja

Well-Known Member
#9
What does that even mean
I don't know what you're saying.

Judging Notes
Iron Fic 5-3

Violinmana – Code Geass – Zero is a Dick
Writing Proficiency: 18/20
Misspelling

Theme (Keeping Secrets): 15/20
The theme is “keeping secrets.” It's different from simply having secrets. I believe Wata did in fact spell out that there must be some sort of conflict or attempt at finding it out.

Source (Code Geass): 16/20
Normally I would be more generous. Except, I'm fairly sure the flippancy with which the subject matter is here treated is not correct to the source.

Story: 1/20
This does not fulfill basic requirements of a narrative.
Basically, if it were an actual story, this level of lack of detail, action, or description would kill it entirely.
I see no reason to give more leeway to a different mode of writing.
I would be more generous, but when I asked Wata what to do, he said to give no points and may god have mercy on your soul.


Other: 15/20
Haiku presents no interesting or new information. It does not have any significance to the subject matter that I am aware of.

Total: 65/100


Meinos Kaen – Naruto? - Secrets We Keep
Writing Proficiency: 17/20
Several problems with sentence structure.

Theme (Keeping Secrets): 18/20
Not entirely at the theme, considering absolutely zero effort appears to be going into actually keeping the secrets. It's more like people are just blurting out embarrassing things.

Source (Multi): 17/20
Silly takes on characters at best.

Story: 16/20
Story feels like it ends in the middle.

Other: 18/20

Total: 86/100


Glimmervoid – The Laundry Files – They Know
Writing Proficiency: 14/20
Missing “in” in “imagine.”
Missing commas, which, when present, would have made some sentences much easier to interpret.
Extra words which do not appear to be part of the sentence.
General difficulty in reading that cannot be attributed wholly to stylistic choices.

Theme (Keeping Secrets): 20/20
Excellent mental breakdown as he realizes all his precautions are foiled.

Source (Laundry Files): 20/20
Can't determine errors in source.

Story: 18/20
There are times when the listing gets boring.

Other: 20/20
Made me laugh.

Total: 92/100
Your use of obscure source has paid off.


Cosgrove - .hack//GU – The Truth
Writing Proficiency: 20/20
Small errors that required a thorough reading to find. Bravo.
Mainly misuse of “to/too” and a complete overuse of ...

Theme (Keeping Secrets): 16/20
Not protecting the secret, but revealing it outright.

Source (.Hack): 20/20

Story: 18/20
Short, yet manages to be a little slow-paced.

Other: 12/20
Did not like.
Story is an introspective yet I did not gain any understanding of the character by reading it. In other words, I feel it needs more feeling.

Total: 86/100


Biigoh – Harry Potter does have its own section, you know – Patience
Writing Proficiency: 19/20
Overuse of …
Seriously, a lot of them should have been . or ,
It doesn't read well.
As a nod to the fact that it is stylistic, only a single point will be taken. At all. Ever.

Theme (Keeping Secrets): 20/20
Absolutely spot on.

Source (Harry Potter and Other): 20/20
I would complain at the violation of the Harry Potter source, but for the quite interesting combination with the faerie part that I can only assume is Dresden Files or a similar work.

Story: 20/20
When I have to read to the end of the end of it, just to find out what's there, it's a 20.

Other: 20/20
I especially like the inclusion of the Haiku in the middle.

Total: 99/100



QE1 – Grimderp 40k – Secret in the Vaults
Writing Proficiency: 19/20
Incorrect punctuation at times.

Theme (Keeping Secrets): 20/20
Murder to keep a secret.

Source (WARHAMMER BOOYA): 20/20
It's as grimderpy as it gets.

Story: 16/20
“X years later” is a pretty jarring drop out of suspension of disbelief.

Other: 16/20
Decently entertaining and on-target. However, it's strange that the rest of the squad knows what to do when it was presented in the beginning as a secret that only the captain would have known about.

Total: 91/100.
 

Glimmervoid

Well-Known Member
#10
Ninsaneja said:
Glimmervoid – The Laundry Files – They Know
Writing Proficiency: 14/20
Missing “in” in “imagine.”
Missing commas, which, when present, would have made some sentences much easier to interpret.
Extra words which do not appear to be part of the sentence.
General difficulty in reading that cannot be attributed wholly to stylistic choices.
... I am a complete idiot. I put up the unproof read version, not the proof read version. Oh well, I'll edit in the proof read version when the marking is done. No one but my self to blame. Thanks for the mark you did give me.
 

QE1

Well-Known Member
#11
Thanks for the quick judging Ninja.

It was a lot of fun to attempt this even if it was more difficult than I expected. I kept a timeline of my writing progress because I struggle with the speed of my writing, it actually was pretty informative.

Timeline

1:59pm Realize it is time for Iron Fic, while in the middle of a round of multiplayer mount and blade. Hurry up and die.
2:00pm Log onto forums and read IF prompt.
2:05pm The prompt works well with several beloved universes. Finally select Warhammer 40k as topic.
2:09pm Rough outline complete, actual writing begins.
2:16pm Frantic search for old Space Marine Codex, successful.
2:45pm Numerous interruptions and rewrites have stalled progress. Literally one sentence is done. Decide to press on.
3:47pm First scene done. Finally. The planned middle scene, the battle scene, will have to be cut due to time restraints. Not happy, but have to plow on.
4:51pm First crash of open office. Lose only a little bit, but it is discouraging.
5:09pm The plot is not working out right, and only 51 minutes to figure out a fix.
5:55pm Done writing, hurry to edit.
5:59pm Posted.
 

Glimmervoid

Well-Known Member
#12
QE1 said:
Thanks for the quick judging Ninja.

It was a lot of fun to attempt this even if it was more difficult than I expected. I kept a timeline of my writing progress because I struggle with the speed of my writing, it actually was pretty informative.

Timeline

1:59pm Realize it is time for Iron Fic, while in the middle of a round of multiplayer mount and blade. Hurry up and die.
2:00pm Log onto forums and read IF prompt.
2:05pm The prompt works well with several beloved universes. Finally select Warhammer 40k as topic.
2:09pm Rough outline complete, actual writing begins.
2:16pm Frantic search for old Space Marine Codex, successful.
2:45pm Numerous interruptions and rewrites have stalled progress. Literally one sentence is done. Decide to press on.
3:47pm First scene done. Finally. The planned middle scene, the battle scene, will have to be cut due to time restraints. Not happy, but have to plow on.
4:51pm First crash of open office. Lose only a little bit, but it is discouraging.
5:09pm The plot is not working out right, and only 51 minutes to figure out a fix.
5:55pm Done writing, hurry to edit.
5:59pm Posted.
Quite interesting. My own process involved sitting around completely stumped for an hour before managing to write something.
 

Latewave

Well-Known Member
#13
Violinmana Zero is a Dick
Writing Proficiency: 17/20

Theme: 15/20

Source: 14/20

Story: 1/20

Other: 5/20

Total: X/100

I'm not supposed to grade Haiku's apparently

Meinos Kaen Secrets We Keep.

Writing Proficiency: 19/20

Theme: 15/20

Source: 2/20
Source? What source. It's a chaotic mismatch of blerg.

Story: 7/20
What Story. there is no story.

Other: 9/20
Don't like it.

Total: 52/100

Glimmervoid Laundry Files
Writing Proficiency: 19/20

Theme: 19/20

Source: 14/20
I have no idea waht this is

Story: 18/20

Other: 20/20
Intriguing

Total: 90/100

Cosgrove The Truth
Writing Proficiency: 18/20

Theme: 16/20
I don't really see the theme?

Source: 14/20
I don't know the source at all.

Story: 20/20
It's coherent and I don't know the ./series

Other: 14/20

Total: 82/100

biigoh Patience

Writing Proficiency: 20/20

Theme: 17/20

Source: 16/20

Story: 19/20

Other: 18/20

Total: 90/100

QE1 Secrets in the Vaults
Writing Proficiency: 18/20

Theme: 17/20

Source: 13/20

Story: 16/20

Other: 14/20
I don't really know Spess Marines
What's with the feathers.
Total: 78/100
 

Ninsaneja

Well-Known Member
#14
I see we had different opinions on things.
 

seitora

Well-Known Member
#15
Glimmervoid said:
QE1 said:
Thanks for the quick judging Ninja.

It was a lot of fun to attempt this even if it was more difficult than I expected. I kept a timeline of my writing progress because I struggle with the speed of my writing, it actually was pretty informative.

Timeline

1:59pm Realize it is time for Iron Fic, while in the middle of a round of multiplayer mount and blade. Hurry up and die.
2:00pm Log onto forums and read IF prompt.
2:05pm The prompt works well with several beloved universes. Finally select Warhammer 40k as topic.
2:09pm Rough outline complete, actual writing begins.
2:16pm Frantic search for old Space Marine Codex, successful.
2:45pm Numerous interruptions and rewrites have stalled progress. Literally one sentence is done. Decide to press on.
3:47pm First scene done. Finally. The planned middle scene, the battle scene, will have to be cut due to time restraints. Not happy, but have to plow on.
4:51pm First crash of open office. Lose only a little bit, but it is discouraging.
5:09pm The plot is not working out right, and only 51 minutes to figure out a fix.
5:55pm Done writing, hurry to edit.
5:59pm Posted.
Quite interesting. My own process involved sitting around completely stumped for an hour before managing to write something.
When I was writing for Iron Fic 5.2, I timed it so I did a run beforehand, came in, took a look at the theme, then went and showered while brainstorming.

TMI lol
 

Watashiwa

Administrator
Staff member
#16
Not quite as many entries as last week, probably my fault. Need to keep that banner updated.

Anyway, scores and totals are as follows:

[Various anime] Secrets We Keep by Meinos Kaen: 58. 86+52+58=196 (Ave. 65.33)

[The Laundry Files] They Know by Glimmervoid: 95. 92+90+95=277 (Ave. 92.33)

[.hack] The Truth by Cosgrove: 72. 86+82+72=240 (Ave. 80)

[Harry Potter] Patience by biigoh: 74. 99+90+74=263 (Ave. 87.67)

[Warhammer 40K] Secret in the Vaults by QE1: 83. 91+78+83=252 (Ave. 84)

Hey look, scores are up! Congrats to Glimmervoid on your win!
 

QE1

Well-Known Member
#17
Thanks Wata. Can't do this next upcoming IF but hopefully I'll be good for the next one after that.

Also, good job Glimmervoid. You have caused me to add TLF to my list of series to be read.
 

Glimmervoid

Well-Known Member
#18
Thanks people! I just want to wish everyone who took park a good job. Also, QE1, good to hear you'll give the books a try.
 
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