Lessons Anime has taught you.

Contrabardus

Well-Known Member
#1
Post important life lessons and facts Anime has taught you.

For example:

In Japan, joining a sport or game related club or team means there is a 95% chance that you're gay.

People die when they are killed.

Your level of strength is directly related to how much food you can eat in one sitting.

Flat is justice.

Being cold and/or wet apparently makes cold viruses spontaneously appear to infect you.

Drinking from the same container as someone else has is the same as making out with them, you pervert.

Panties have magical energy storage capacity, but only men and lesbians can make any use of this energy.

In Japan, teenage boys never hit the ground when they stumble and trip. There are always breasts in the way.

If there is an average looking idiot loser in your class with no skills and the social density of Osmium sitting in the back corner by the window, he is the most important person in the room and all the prettiest girls in the class are either already trying to date him or will be within a month.

This also applies to any cute transfer students that the class happens to pick up during the year. Just give up on bothering and ask a reasonably cute girl with brown or black hair that isn't uniquely styled instead.

Be cautious when dealing with anyone with glasses or a princess cut. It's in your best interest to not upset them.

In Japan, at least 85% of the students attending an all girl's school are lesbians.
 

PCHeintz72

The Sentient Fanfic Search Engine mk II
#2
People die when they are killed.
I've actually seen plenty of evidence this is not really always the case in anime.




As for a few of my own... Hmmm... How about:

- Any plan that basically boils to 'get them/him/her/it' is doomed to failure.

- Violence against men by a woman is generally well accepted humor, but men against women is abuse.

- A large percentage of Japanese men seem to have explosions of blood, upon seeing a female in the flesh.

- Multiple match-ups, aka harems, are common

- Aliens are mostly hot females, and a surprisingly large percentage seem to be after something on planet.

- Most female main characters fall into two categories... violent tomboys, or demure and are obtuse.

- Unlike reality... the real world 52% female 48% male ratio does not seem to apply.

- Women are generally more powerful than men, but tend to fall for the weaker examples anyway.

- One merely need will to rise in power.

- The gods love to manipulate human lives.

- Your girlfriend or boyfriend could be a unknown relative.

- Powerful organizations are almost always bent on world domination or seek out ultimate power.

- Clothes tend to get shredded in fights. Even if the clothes in question are not actually touched.

- Historical and known figures may not be the gender you are expecting them to be.

- Any time there is a onsen scene/episode, expect either innuendo, a faux pas, or a deliberate joke.

- Fanservice abounds...
 

Contrabardus

Well-Known Member
#3
In Japan, no one ever says anything nice or encouraging to attractive girls, and as a result doing so will make them imprint on you like a newly hatched baby bird and want to marry you no matter how much of a loser you are.
 

Contrabardus

Well-Known Member
#4
PCHeintz72 said:
People die when they are killed.
I've actually seen plenty of evidence this is not really always the case in anime.
You are correct, but you are not right.

I wouldn't die even if you killed me.

A real man never dies, even when he's killed!

I would have given up after dying, because I'd be dead.

Even if it is shriveled, I won't blame you. Same goes for my abilities.

Damn! Men have different genitals than women!

The right to violate the rights of the people belongs to the people.

Friends don't rub each other's nipples.

Even if it's futile, at least it's nice to look at women in bathing suits.
 

Hoki

Well-Known Member
#5
Contrabardus said:
Post important life lessons and facts Anime has taught you.

For example:

In Japan, joining a sport or game related club or team means there is a 95% chance that you're gay.
The remaining 5% is making others gay for you.

Flat is justice.
I beg to disagree, breast size is mostly an indicator of how powerful a female character is.

In Japan, teenage boys never hit the ground when they stumble and trip. There are always breasts in the way.
...or sometimes the occasional butt or crotch. teenage boys' hands or face are automatically drawn to female body parts.

If there is an average looking idiot loser in your class with no skills and the social density of Osmium sitting in the back corner by the window, he is the most important person in the room and all the prettiest girls in the class are either already trying to date him or will be within a month.
If this idiot loser happens to join a sports club/team, he/she will always display a natural talent or a rare skill for the sport/activity. Coincidentally, the group/team this person is joining is considered the suckiest team in Japan, and this person's membership will trigger a gathering of misfits that the team conveniently needs to become contenders. Chances of being gay for each other are as pointed above.

Be cautious when dealing with anyone with glasses or a princess cut. It's in your best interest to not upset them.
...or that shy quiet girl, or that girl who is unnaturally cheery all the time, or the loner girl. In fact, it is advisable to not upset women in general.

PCHeintz72 said:
- Any plan that basically boils to 'get them/him/her/it' is doomed to failure.
Unless you're the bad guy, in which you'll be successful once because it is a universal rule that the first half of your plan will not fail under any circumstance.

- Aliens are mostly hot females, and a surprisingly large percentage seem to be after something on planet.
If aliens are not hot females, they are most likely malevolent monsters hell bent on wiping out humanity/conquering the Earth.

- Your girlfriend or boyfriend could be a unknown relative.
Alternatively, your younger sibling of the opposite sex may have the hots for you.

- Powerful organizations are almost always bent on world domination or seek out ultimate power.
Related, a specific small organization is usually the only group who can stop these powerful organizations. One or several of the members of said small benevolent organization were formerly a high ranking member of said evil organization.
[hr]

And now for a bit of what I learned:

= Anime stories take place within one or more of these default settings: Schools, small towns, isolated and self-sufficient islands, a dystopia, or a ruined city after the apocalypse/a great disaster.

= If you are a person who likes to make plans/strategies, you are either an evil manipulative bastard who has an end goal in mind, most likely taking over the world, or a geeky dork who has resigned to the fact that your physical capabilities/superpowers suck so bad so you had no other choice but to outwit your opponents/rivals.

= Related to the above, all bad guys' plans always get to 90-95% completion, but are always stopped by the heroes during the exact moment when the plan fully succeeds. Also, heroes do not make plans. If they have a plan, its "hit enemy until they die." Heroes, however, tend to improvise more.

= There are 4 kinds of team/clubs in sports anime that the protagonist team has to face over the course of the story:
A) The arrogant low-tier team that would serve as the fodder for the protagonist team to crush to show off their new members/the results of their training.
B) The reasonable mid-tier team that is the first to give the protagonist team trouble. This kind of team becomes friendly rivals with the protagonists
C) The mid-tier team that is related to one of the members of the protagonist team.
D) The high-tier team that is composed mostly of jerk jocks (with one reasonably good guy), who serves as the villains of the story, and the protagonist team has to beat.

= Teenagers are always more competent than adults. Anybody that is past twenty is a washed up old fogie that needs to entrust the future of the world to a teenager. Related to this is the fact that Senior Citizens are also more competent than people who are within the 20-50 year age bracket. Not only are these old people experienced, but are more often than not, more physically capable than both teenagers and adults.

= The louder you shout, the more powerful your attack becomes.

= Katanas and revolvers are always better, always

= The importance of a character is wholly dependent on whether or not this character has parents. If parents exist, they are either loving and supportive of their children, or evil and abusive. Orphans are usually the most important characters in a story.
 

PCHeintz72

The Sentient Fanfic Search Engine mk II
#6
I beg to disagree, breast size is mostly an indicator of how powerful a female character is.
I can think of a good number of characters with issues with this. Sailor Moon, Sailor Saturn, Saber, Rin Tohsaka, Kotetsu. Many others.
 

MnemoD

Well-Known Member
#7
-Fantasy is just that, fantasy. But damn it I WANT TO HAVE A HAREM TOO!

-The suffering of others isn't something that can be ignored, but at the same time you also can't wallow in it. Living too selflessly is just as bad as living too selfishly.

-Moderation is key.

-SLUTS! SLUUUUUTS! INDECENCY!

-The guy who gets the girls will never appreciate this gift. Never.
 

chronodekar

Obsessively signs his posts
Staff member
#8
If you wish (dream and plan) for long enough, there is a reasonable chance that you'll get re-incarnated into a world of magic with your memories intact.

If the Goddess you meet has a holier-than-thou attitude, there's usually some path or sequence of events, that when followed, will get you into a romantic relationship with her.

Bonus points if you can phrase your 'last wish' in a manner that forces said Goddess to accompany you.

Minus points if it turns out that the Goddess is ranked lower than a Dodo on the intellect scale ... (you poor individual!)

-chronodekar
 

PCHeintz72

The Sentient Fanfic Search Engine mk II
#9
chronodekar said:
If you wish (dream and plan) for long enough, there is a reasonable chance that you'll get re-incarnated into a world of magic with your memories intact.

If the Goddess you meet has a holier-than-thou attitude, there's usually some path or sequence of events, that when followed, will get you into a romantic relationship with her.

Bonus points if you can phrase your 'last wish' in a manner that forces said Goddess to accompany you.

Minus points if it turns out that the Goddess is ranked lower than a Dodo on the intellect scale ... (you poor individual!)

-chronodekar
I would be more likely to believe that I would get pulled in front of some evaluation like in I think it is called Konosuba... and be laughed at, than to likely get a harem.


Was watching some anime earlier...


Misunderstandings are rarely in your favor, especially if a guy.

systems in place to pigeonhole people really will foresadow things to come... go in thinking to become a priest, and you will be labeled a demon lord... once done, it will be assured people will think of you as such no matter what is done.

Even if labeled the worst human on the planet, you can *still* manage to aquire a harem because of it.

Sometimes, parents lie to the kids on just what sort of job they have, and leads to all kinds of interesint things occuring.

arranged marriages are almost never between those whom would ever willingly want to get together, yet still have legions of fans 'shipping' them.
 

Hoki

Well-Known Member
#10
= Any game can be something that can shape and define society. Things like card games, board games, or roller blades can be something that the entire world will patronize. Being good or bad in these games can define your life. People have died, families have been broken, and societies have fallen because of these games.

= Coming from a family that practices a certain sport/game would make you hate the sport/game with a passion. Usually because your parents are too passionate about the sport/game to the point of making you do nothing but that sport and punishing you if you do not perform as they expect, though this has the side effect of making you very good at said sport/game. Trying to escape from playing this sport is futile because you'll only land in a place where the people desperately need your awesome skills. However, you'll rekindle your love for the sport/game because of this.

= Weird people are often more competent than normal people.

= Everyone is secretly evil.

= It is usually more polite to explain what you are doing in the middle of a fight. Also, you can talk about your backstory/motivation in the middle of a fight. Related to this, fighters make very good therapists, as they can make you see the error of your ways through both words and beating you up.
 

Kenko

Well-Known Member
#11
That one guy in class who seems perfectly ordinary is actually an unstoppable force of nature. He just doesn't know it yet. Bonus points if he's something of a social loser.
 
#12
The following is basically a manifesto for a whole generation of Italians learning from anime.

I'm not going to translate it because:
  1. You all should just learn Italian because it's much better than your pathetic neanderthal languages.
  2. It would take more Translator's Notes than text.
  3. I'm feeling Aries today.








 

Ordo

Well-Known Member
#13
ankokudaishogun said:
The following is basically a manifesto for a whole generation of Italians learning from anime.

I'm not going to translate it because:
  1. You all should just learn Italian because it's much better than your pathetic neanderthal languages.
Map of the Italian speaking world:

I'm good, thanks. :p
 

chronodekar

Obsessively signs his posts
Staff member
#14
Ordo said:
ankokudaishogun said:
The following is basically a manifesto for a whole generation of Italians learning from anime.

I'm not going to translate it because:
  1. You all should just learn Italian because it's much better than your pathetic neanderthal languages.
Map of the Italian speaking world:

I'm good, thanks. :p
Your own map, shows that they speak Italian in Japan. Which ... I'm not sure what that means... :wacko:

-chronodekar
 

Contrabardus

Well-Known Member
#15
chronodekar said:
Ordo said:
ankokudaishogun said:
The following is basically a manifesto for a whole generation of Italians learning from anime.

I'm not going to translate it because:
  1. You all should just learn Italian because it's much better than your pathetic neanderthal languages.
Map of the Italian speaking world:

I'm good, thanks. :p
Your own map, shows that they speak Italian in Japan. Which ... I'm not sure what that means...  :wacko:

-chronodekar
There are apparently a lot of Italian expats over there. Japan also likes Italian food a lot. Pasta and Pizza in particular. It's not that surprising that there is a large population of Italian speaking people over there.
 

MnemoD

Well-Known Member
#16
New things I have been taught by anime

-If you think it can't get worse. It does. Incestuous pedophile worse. Or crossdresser-fantasizing-pedophile-warlord worse.
-Also, a girl's cuteness level is directly proportionate to her level of ABSOLUTELY CRAZY.
 

Hoki

Well-Known Member
#17
= You can tell how evil a person is by the way he/she dresses. Conservative and reasonably dressed men and women are usually only slightly, or if not, secretly evil. while those who dress in the most improbable, revealing, and garish outfits are very, very evil.

= Despite what science might tell us, there are only less than ten elements. The most popular four are fire, water(in all of its forms), earth, and wind. Sometimes these four are added: lightning, wood, light/holy, and dark/shadow.

= Heroes of action-oriented anime are usually morons, perverts, loud, annoying, or any combination of each.

= Space is usually the setting of mecha-anime final battles.
 

PCHeintz72

The Sentient Fanfic Search Engine mk II
#18
A couple more

- anime girls whom are scientists... are generally crazy in one form or another, or are aliens.

- any time an anime deliberately will point out how 'ordinary' a character is, is a suure sign that something is very abnormal or will occur to end them being normal.
 

Ordo

Well-Known Member
#19
= You can tell how evil a person is by the way he/she dresses. Conservative and reasonably dressed men and women are usually only slightly, or if not, secretly evil. while those who dress in the most improbable, revealing, and garish outfits are very, very evil.
Oh come now.....you're obviously exaggerating...here are some fine examples of well dressed villains.




= Heroes of action-oriented anime are usually morons, perverts, loud, annoying, or any combination of each.
There are some notable exceptions

 

PCHeintz72

The Sentient Fanfic Search Engine mk II
#20
When I think well of dressed villans... I think Lord Gav from slayers, or if count anti-heros then Alucard from Hellsing
 

MnemoD

Well-Known Member
#21
Things I have learned from Anime (today):

Watching too much romance will completely disillusion you from real life romance. Because for every sincere "I love you" there will always be hundreds of failed attempts.

Also one shouldn't be watching sappy romance when their heart is already weak and on the verge of breaking.
 

AJ_Katon

Well-Known Member
#22
Things I learned from Anime:

Nothing is replaceable.
Believe in the Backside.
 

Hoki

Well-Known Member
#24
point09micron_process said:
Red is 200% faster than other colors.
Actually 300% 

=There are only two ranges of breast size for women: ironing-board flat, or porn-star huge.

=If a person wears clothes with primary colors, this person is heroic. Red, in particular, seems to be the favorite color of heroes.

= This is more of a theory, but with the amount of blood the average Japanese male can discharge, blood banks must be a booming business in Japan.
 

Contrabardus

Well-Known Member
#25
Hoki said:
point09micron_process said:
Red is 200% faster than other colors.
Actually 300% 

=There are only two ranges of breast size for women: ironing-board flat, or porn-star huge.

=If a person wears clothes with primary colors, this person is heroic. Red, in particular, seems to be the favorite color of heroes.

= This is more of a theory, but with the amount of blood the average Japanese male can discharge, blood banks must be a booming business in Japan.
The first one is incorrect. There is a third bust size in Japan: Background Character.
 
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