Akamatsuverse Love Hina - A private engagement

[HotelKatz]

Thanks! I'll look into it, Antimatter.

Here is something I whipped up. Two omakes! Though the latter one probably can be changed into a chapter of its own. Aoyama sisters vs Kitsune, anyone?
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EEhh3R7fWcdcV-BQXCyI8tKz6JXg9XMJYIubAQ3vmlQ/edit?usp=sharing

and I posted the third chapter up on FFN. Tempted to start posting chapters on Archive of our own, but I'm uncertain if I should.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11238736/3/Love-Hina-A-Private-Engagement

 

[HotelKatz]

Alright, while Antimatter is either planning the next chapter or dealing with stuff in Real Life, I'm gonna write some noncanon chapters that'll probably be posted in a sidestory. The only reason they'll be noncanon is that they'll be of a different genre than the rest of the fic.

Humor and beginner attempts at being ecchi.

To be honest, I can try to make them canon, but due to them not being planned out by Antimatter, it wouldn't feel right.

Alright, now to talk about what plots I'll try to write.


First one is Motoko and Keitaro vs the rest of the Tenants and Tsuruko, who are under control of some panties possessed by ghostly maids. Or some entities that want to be maids.

As for why I'll write that short plot. Mostly to write this line.

Spoiler

"Keitaro... I can't believe I am saying this, but... my sister and the other tenants are under control of perverse evil spirits that are possessing their undergarments. I need your 'talent' to trip, fall, and wind up pulling down a woman's panties to save them!" Motoko said, with her blushing more and more as she spoke. She then facepalmed as she muttered, "Oh gods, those words sounded even dumber when spoken aloud..."

==

Second potential plot is Seta visiting Haruka and him freaking out a little about Keitaro not dating Naru. Probably will have Seta claiming that his plan to woo Haruka depends on Keitaro and Naru getting together and Haruka throwing him out. Maybe she'll pity him. Maybe not.

--

Third plot is Tsuruko sneaking into Motoko's room and looking through the cosplay outfits the latter has. Tsuruko decides to try them on. As she tries them on, Either Keitaro or Motoko enter.

If Motoko enters, she is shocked and Tsuruko has to smooth things out.

If it's Keitaro, he thinks it is Motoko and sneaks up behind Tsuruko and begins to make out with her, to her surprise. While Tsuruko is too shocked to respond and Keitaro is in the middle of feeling her up, Motoko then enters.

 

[Lyther]

Each plot idea sounds like an amazing idea, I especially am rooting for the third plot. I bet you could have a lot of routes for that one. lol

 

[Antimatter]

Third plot sounds ripe for a lemon. Though, Keitaro would probably notice that his girlfriend is suddenly much more..mature, and much taller.

Ive been busy, yeah. House hunting and starting to look for a newer job. I'm still spitballing ideas for the next chapter, which should be a big one iirc. I do have an idea for an omake though, rather a scene, that I think could be pretty cute.

 

[HotelKatz]

Yeah, but Keitaro is kind of an idiot at times. Especially when the plot calls for it and his glasses are removed.

And feel free to tell me the Omake, either here or in a private message, Antimatter. And remember, Real Life is more important than Fanfic stuff.

As for the noncanon plots, the possessed clothing plot seems like it'll be 3500 words long, but the whole thing will seem like it feels shorter.

I haven't started on the other two, but it seems like the second plot will verse on being a short bashfic towards Seta.

Not quite sure how the third plot will end, though.

Easiest ending is ending when Motoko walks in.

second easiest ending is Tsuruko being privately jealous of Motoko for having Keitaro, while Motoko is yelling at Keitaro for not being able to tell the two apart.

third easiest ending is going towards a lame attempt at a harem ending, where Tsuruko asks the arguing couple about how open they are.

Crack ending is having the rest of the Inn's tenants continue to confuse Tsuruko for Motoko, all because Tsuruko is wearing one of Motoko's cosplay costumes that she never wore around the Inn in this fic. (probably the maid uniform!) Motoko yells at everyone for it.

 

[HotelKatz]

Alright, here is the first noncanon chapter. My own thoughts are in the spoiler box.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1kYO9hH5se15Rdv718ovA6-BdHQZDyPC7Qff-YZ5DhkM/edit?usp=sharing

Spoiler

Wasn't sure how to make it more ecchi. I wrote the whole thing in one day and after not writing anything Love hina related in a month or so.

maybe in the scene where they enter the Hinata, Kitsune follows them. Then she and Naru rub their boobs against Keitaro. When Motoko intervenes, they then rub their boobs against her , as well as fondle her body?

I feel like more scenes could be expanded, but wasn't sure how. Let me know which ones and how, if you guys can or want to.

 

[shioran toushin]

actually second one coud be like Dumbledore suddenly findning that no, Harryis not an Horcrux just before dieing, or that the Locket they found wasn't the real Locket.
in other words is less 'how dare you deviate from my carefully planed scheme' and mroe like ' if this sin't happening, wtf i'm going to do now?'
cue Seta trying to improv until finally Haruka hears the poor bastard byaccident and takes pity on him

 

[gemmaethanwhitaker]

You know that one about the cursed panties could lead to Mokoto developing and Clothing Cutting Slice to go with the Evil Cutting Slice

 

[Antimatter]

Which what, results in a lot of girls suddenly going commando?

You know...this is a workable idea for a fic, period. Even funnier: the sword attack only works when keitaro does it.

 

[gemmaethanwhitaker]

The interesting thing is having an attack that removes clothes would likely impress Tsuruko as it requires real skill to remove someones clothes without scathing the skin underneath

 

[HotelKatz]

Thanks, everyone.

So Motoko'd go and impress Tsuruko by not only developing the Zanmash? Ni-no-Tachi/ Evil-Cutting Palm, Second Strike into a sword technique, but also by teaching Keitaro it? Then again, I realized that I probably meant to use Zanmaken Ni-no-Tachi /Evil-Cutting Sword, Second Strike in the chapter. I apologize for that. I'll make the correction when I get back from work later.

EDIT :The cloth cutting slice technique and having Keitaro only be able to use it would probably have a time skip that'll allow for shenanigans. Should I do it? Also, I made the edit from the palm to sword.

With quite a few re-writes here and there, it can be done. I just need to be told where.

Now that I think about, I probably should have Motoko think, 'Wait. Why is ane-ue so focused on getting me to wear those panties? She wears Fundoshi!' for either a bit of comedy value and to reference a little bit of trivia from the Mugendai.

I kinda feel bad for having Kitsune being so useless, but what could she really do? Another regret is the others not having a scene to show they're not themselves and to draw out the mystery, but I can fix that, assuming I don't over do it. . 

Like having Shinobu have a scene or two, where there is an obvious feel she's not herself. Maybe she's flirty with Keitaro, to the point where he'd really uncomfortable? 

Dunno with Sarah and Su, though. At the moment, Su's seems like it'd be like the aforementioned scene with Shinobu, but calling him big brother. Maybe Keitaro would have a flashback to something with Kanako. I'd have to do it to not imply that Kanako is either possessed by something similar or was the one to send the possessed panties, no matter how amusing that would be.

I could also have a  scene where Naru is practically throwing herself at both Keitaro and Motoko. 

My biggest worry is that if I were to add those scenes, I'd be overdoing it. However, I also realize that I'm pessimistic about my writing and tend to play it safe, to the point where I suspect my stories suffer from it. So I'm glad I have you guys to give me that little nudge to know where to play it safe and when to take risks. 


...Come to think of it, I'm not sure how the possessed panties came into the Hinata. There's only a small hint that Naru might have been the first one or at at least the one that got the other possessed. Mutsumi might've been the first one possessed, for all I know.

 

[HotelKatz]

I'll be adding this to chapter 7.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1izp0OgzSs_ojxjZ9RN-rsb4beawcFmifrFw0RfVDmLo/edit?usp=sharing

 

[Antimatter]

I actually got around to reading the FFN reviews for this one.

Nice to see some praise.

Granted, now that we are at real time, we can finally stop with any flashbacks and move into the fun stuff.

 

[gemmaethanwhitaker]

Was just re-reading this stuff, and realized something, the evil panties sounds like a Ranma story, Happiosai has a vast collection after all, so it could include such items a the Panties of PMS Prevention, Wet Nurses Wonderbra and the Slip of Seductive Stripper, getting that last one off Akane isn't that hard, but it's going to hurt.

 

[HotelKatz]

..Those are from the BE archive and the Anime Addventure, aren't they? I do admit there are some good storylines and ideas on both... before Anime Addventure vanished into the internet.

The Slip of Seductive Stripper sounds do-able for my writing skill level, but I have my doubts.

I have no idea how to use the Panties of PMS Prevention.

Wet Nurses Wonderbra... Well, Monster Musume skirted this line a few times. Sounds like it might be fun, but I'd probably have to have to put in a higher rating than I normally put on stories.

When I re-read the noncanon chapter, I'm tempted to modify it to remove the machine part of the story, put in Maid-Motoko, and have it be a chapter in the story. I'd probably have her be supercharged by her love/lust for Keitaro.

Example of what I might do with the re-write : Tsuruko's body ached from the attack Motoko hit her with. She was unable to leave the tsuruko-shaped impact in the wall. All she could do was yell, "Urashima! Run or risk death by sex!"

I'd still leave the original story unaltered, for those that prefer it.

 

[chronodekar]

Example of what I might do with the re-write : Tsuruko's body ached from the attack Motoko hit her with. She was unable to leave the tsuruko-shaped impact in the wall. All she could do was yell, "Urashima! Run or risk death by sex!"

My perverted mind is imagining all kinds of ways this could be interpreted ... descriptions which if mentioned here, would get me in trouble.

-chronodekar

 

[shioran toushin]

She was unable to leave the tsuruko-shaped impact in the wall. All she could do was yell, "Urashima! Run or risk death by sex!"

to What Keitaro replied: "Well i had to die one day from something, Right?"

not seriously? i doubt that Kei would do that to Motoko because it's not wholly her that wants to boink her, for him it would be taking advantage of her because she is not in her right mind.

 

[chronodekar]

She was unable to leave the tsuruko-shaped impact in the wall. All she could do was yell, "Urashima! Run or risk death by sex!"

to What Keitaro replied: "Well i had to die one day from something, Right?"

not seriously? i doubt that Kei would do that to Motoko because it's not wholly her that wants to boink her, for him it would be taking advantage of her because she is not in her right mind.

An attractive girl offers, what is possibly the time of your life. You won't need to stick around for any troublesome consequences. Sounds like a mighty tempting situation to me. You'd need to be some kind of saint to hold back from that and much as I like Keitaro, he's no saint.

-chronodekar

 

[shioran toushin]

no, but he has to face the consequences when said posession is... wait a minute this is not canon Keitaro, this is A Private Engagement Keitaro, most likely they would do the deed and neither would be aware of the magic fading (because they ripped the piece of cloth in question off or something) or that there was magic involved at all.
OTOH Canon Kai is not a Saint, but he lives in a world where most of the females he knows can and will gladly try to murder him for little things blown out of proportion, if Naru punched him for stupid shit like sticking his head into a hole in the ceiling and coincidentally see her getting changed or falling on top of her (or anyone female) and Motoko has actually drawn her Sword and used her family 'Demon Slaying' techniques on him for looking her wrong or defending his friends for daring to flirt with her clubmates, i think he would be terrified of doing something to them while they are not in their right mind and that is just the two who overreact most violently, we also have Shinibu who makes everything worse because shyness, crying and blundering, Su who likes to make everything more 'interesting', Kitsune who is a feaking Teasing Bitch, Ms I'm Obsessed with my not-blood-related Brother and the rest.
just remember what they did to him in the very first chapter when it was Naru who fucked up, they all ganget up on him.

 

[HotelKatz]

It be honest, the final decision of if I should make a modified version of the noncanon chapter into the story is up to Antimatter. They're the planner of the fic.

On one hand, it'd be an odd way for Keitaro to impress Tsuruko by freeing Motoko from the possessed/cursed panties by creating the Clothing Cutting Slice. Kind of like what gemmaethanwhitaker suggested, but having Keitaro create the technique instead of Motoko.

On the other hand, it kind of seems like it awkwardly stands out from the rest of the fic. A brief shift in tone that probably won't get referenced again, save in humor.

While reading your guys' comments, I realized that I'd need someone to push me towards or away of making things more of a lemon or lime. Otherwise, we'd have me wuss out and write some halfway stuff like

===

As Motoko struggled and yelled to get her body under her control, Naru said, "Huh... never thought we'd see someone argue with their panties over sex."

"You'd think the panties would argue against the act, since they'd get torn off," Kitsune replied.

"I think while I was under the panties's control, I put possessed crotchless panties on her," Tsuruko said as she rubbed her chin in thought.

"Why aren't you doing anything to save your sister?!" Keitaro asked, backing away from the stumbling Motoko.

 

[Antimatter]

It would be neat as a non canon chapter, but honestly, it's a good enough idea for a separate fic altogether.

Edit:

The idea of 'cursed item making someone be all ettchi' has been done though.  I think there was a lemon about it for love hina (the amulet or something like that), and it's popped up in panty form in some web comics (the doom panties from Erie Cuties)

But depending on how we play it, it could still work.  I'd say it doesn't make her erotic, but rather, it removes her inhibitions and lets her inner ero come out.  After all, judging by her novel and writings/daydreams, the girl definitely has some in her.

 

[HotelKatz]

Here is chapter 10 for review, comments, and suggestions.


https://docs.google.com/document/d/1y0TKDTs8hgUr8mCx_oRsOZZBe0nIDQMCEBB_gu-Mpl0/edit?usp=sharing

 

[chronodekar]

Felt like jumping in to give a few comments (Confession: I've forgotten the earlier parts).

There seem to be a bit too many commas in the story - beyond that, feels fine.

Plot-wise: It's high time Naru left the Inn. Or at least moved out elsewhere. The mental fortitude to stay in close contact with someone who you might have loved, but pushed away to someone else and still maintain a level of composure is ridiculously HIGH. Might be possible for one of the ex-couple to have it, but both? Someone is bound to break-down and take the whole ship with them.

Alternative: Naru moves to another location nearby (NOT anything associated with Urashima/Aoyoma) and Kitsune (as necessary) visits. Or for that matter have the two of them leave and have the cast look for replacements - would provide comedy as 'to-reject' applicants show up. You might start a side-story of how Naru/Kitsune are getting along by themselves.

-chronodekar

 

[Antimatter]

In canon, I always assumed the reason Kitsune moved out was because she didn't like losing both Seta and then Keitaro. Everyone else seemed to stay around though, despite their heartbreak.

And well, despite her crush on him, he never really was that into her in this au, as Motoko confessed long before he would have confessed to Naru in canon. So she's hurting, but I don't think shes so hurt she will exit the inn just yet. She's bound to be a bit distant though, as she is a very flighty sort of character. Once she fully comes to terms though, I think she will be fine..

At least until Seta leaves the scene, that's going to hurt just like it probably hurt Kitsune. Then again, With Keitaro and Motoko to wed, there is no guarantee they will stick around themselves, at least once school is done with. Final decisions on how exactly housing will work are still up in the air. Even the couple themselves are still debating it. Does she move into his room, or wait till they formally tie the knot? Do they move back to Kyoto to manage the school once college is over, or settle in Hinata somewhere, or even revamp the annex as a private residence? The couples privacy is going to end up a concern, as a dorm room isn't the place for banging (unlike actual college dorms...).

 

[HotelKatz]

Well, Naru and Kitsune leaving the Inn but not their friends, would be a nice change of pace from other fics. I haven't seen it done much, but I haven't searched hard for it.

Moving could be seen as a sign they're maturing.

But it'd be kinda funny if just as Naru and Kitsune make the final plans to move out, the happy couple announce they'll be repairing and moving into the annex, Making whatever trials and tribulations that Kitsune and Naru went through to find a good place to live after Hinata completely pointless.

But it's up to Antimatter. They're in charge of the plot.

Chronodekar, if we did do the 'Naru and Kitsune moves out and a scene of applicants', which would be better? Characters from other series or O.C.s?