Right, here's an old fic by BeyondTheBounds that I personally found quite an interesting read. It's got mechas by the truckloads so I don't really need any other reason to like it. One of my current holidays projects is to get some work done on BTB's old fics. I thought it would be best if I focus on one or two fics at a time. What do you think? Is this one worth continuing?
Off course I've got Soul Requiem, Second Chance, and Gundam Hina Eternity to consider too. I guess Forevermore is a given, don't you think? Should I post the other fics here too just to compare? I kinda need help deciding. Thanks.
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Love Hina Alternate Universe
By BeyondTheBounds
In a world where the sex wars are no longer a metaphoràin a world where sexual segregation has reached the point of all out warfareàa world where space has become the stage for the final showdown in the eternal fight between man and womenàOne Man ventures where no other man has gone beforeàinto a womanÆs heart.
Disclaimer: I donÆt own Love Hina, Negima or VanDread. Thank you.
Chapter 1: For Grandpa and Gender!
æFemalesàthe most vile creatures in the universeàthey used to enslave menàtoyed with themàtorture themà.eat their livers fresh. Nothing delighted this deranged race more than the screams of agony of a dying man. Their disproportionate bodyàtheir twisted facesàtheir wicked claws of steelànothing is more terrible than a womanÆs wrath. Womenàare the scourge of the universe.
æThis is why the inhabitants of the planet Otoko, the last sanctuary of free men, have vowed to combat the female menace and once and for all rid the universe of their vile race. Swear to Grandpa! The father of all men! Swear to him, the one who had delivered us from the evil Grandma, that thou shall continue his holy crusade against those monstrosities of nature.
æTodayàwith the launching of our ship, the TA-Sou, we vow to carry the fight to the women and finally liberate all men from the threat of the female menace. This ship, the old colony ship that Grandpa had utilized in his daring escape from the vile females, has been reborn with a new quest. To once again liberate us from the femalesà.this time, forever. That is why, children of Grandpa, sons of Otoko, rise! Fight for glory, honour, and pride! You, everyone of the second generation, I bid you the best of luck. May Grandpa smile upon you all!Æ
The crowds cheered as the colonel of the Otoko Armed Forces (OAF) finished his speech. Everyone stood up to attention and saluted as the Otoko national anthem played. Some wept with pride. Some shook with emotions. Someàsuch as third-generation-slash-good-for-nothing-trash Keitaro Urashimaàmerely swore at the television screen and got on with whatever they were doing. In Keitaro the janitor/repairman/parts-engineerÆs case, this involved cleaning out the trashà.doing so inconspicuously while trying to complete a bet he had made with his other third-generation mates earlier at lunchàto steal an OAF Vanguard. (This is what the Otoko MenÆs digest magazine had to say about the Vanguards-tired of flying last yearÆs SUPER-COOL-HYPER-INTERCEPTOR? Tired of losing to the female Dreads? Tired of being inferior to your neighbour who just happened to buy the newest version of the Otoko Mega-car? Then make a big splash by stomping the said Mega-car with your very own Vanguard û the all new standard issue military mechanized humanoid battle suit. At over 15 metres high, itÆs guaranteed to fit in any domestic garage. Order yours today, and get the chance to get yourself one of the limited edition super special polka-dot Vanguards with optional x-ray vision - perfect for those long lonely nights. Call 123-MY-VANGUARD for more details)
Unfortunately, to steal a vanguard, particularly the vanguard with the specific ID number they had agreed on, he would have to sneak onboard the TA-Sou and somehow break into the secure hangar. He had gotten as far as the cargo depot where they were loading the tons of weaponry that were specifically designed to destroy females (No details from the Otoko MenÆs digest magazine here. The weekly Gun-NutÆs Choice magazine does have an article on it though. But in order not to breach the local UN human rights statute on sexual equality, no further elaboration will be done). Now all he had to do was sneak into the ship itself. Piece of cake!
Or so he thoughtà.
The only way in was through the TA-SouÆs cargo bay. And obviously, the only thing that goes in there is cargo. With guards everywhere, there was no other way. Keitaro had to squeeze in with a crateful of live ammunition. Oh joyà
Meanwhile, on the other side of the ship, someone else had decided to take advantage of the shipÆs presence as betting material as well. A particularly hopeful third generation 10-year old was desperately crawling through the shipÆs convenient maze-like ventilation system(which, strangely, are existent and unsecured in every single interstellar battleship and are always conveniently placed for enterprising intruders). He had had a hard time squeezing in through shipÆs waste disposal system and had run in with a few automated sentries as he navigated the shipÆs waste dumps.
He too had taken up the æsteal-a-vanguardÆ bet. Unbeknownst to both him and Keitaro, their friends were also betting on whoÆd return first with the vanguard. In fact, both had been set to steal the same vanguard. ThatÆs friendship for youà
Negi Springfield had just finally made it to the ventilation duct overlooking the hangar bay when the ship suddenly shook violently. The deafening roar of the shipÆs plasma engines threatened to tear apart his eardrums as he tried to read his watch. æThis canÆt be rightàtheyÆre launching two hours ahead of schedule.Æ
Keitaro Urashima, meanwhile, was trying his best to bypass a biometric lock on the hangar door. He had tried the fake fingerprint trick with plastic gloves and oil spray, only to find that the biometric lock was a lot smarter than he had expected. With 10 seconds left until the alarms sounded, he had no choice but to try and bypass the system.
ôPlease submit an authorized hand print in10 secondsàö The computer cordially said to him.
ôDamn itàö Keitaro swore under his breath as he spliced a pair of wires. Suddenly, the ship chose to shudder violently at that exact time, throwing Keitaro off his feet and into the wall.
ô6 secondsàö The computer announced.
ôNànoàö Keitaro reached out as far as he could. He only had to connect the wiresà
ô3 secondsàö He strained every muscle in his bodyà
ô1 secàö The computer went blank as the doors slid open. He shielded his ears as the engineÆs roar shook the ship. He sighed a breath of relief as he looked about the hangar. Just a bit more, he thought.
As to why the ship launched 2 hours ahead of schedule, the colonel was getting so impatient to prove his worth to the females that he had ordered the launch as soon as the speech was finished. ôWhy wait? Time is of the essence. Every second counts in our struggle against the females!ö he shouted at the bridge.
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Meanwhile, in the shipÆs function room, a party was going onà
ôHey, when we get back to Otoko, do you wanna go with me to the baby factory and clone a baby together?ö one of the smartly dressed officers said to another.
ôSure thing. Hey, Shirai! Haitani! Kentaro! What on earth are you doing? Come here and enjoy the food!ö The other officer shouted.
ôFirst lieutenant Shirai, reporting, sir!ö Shirai immediately sprung up to the officer and saluted.
ôCalm down, Shirai. ItÆs not as if weÆre about to go to battle just yet.ö Haitani said, shaking his head, sighing.
ôYeah. I heard weÆre only going to test out the shipÆs systems first before actually going to war.ö Kentaro said, striding up to the group. ôHave you checked out the new vanguards, by the way?ö
ôAhàyes. The Colonel was just about to make another speech on that.ö One of the officers said. ôSpeak of the devilàö
Just then, the colonel walked up to a raised platform at one end of the function room. All the men in the room promptly stood to attention and saluted.
ôAt ease, men.ö He beamed at them. His men. HIS men. They were all ready to fight to the death. Mostly to earn him a promotion. Yep. ôWelcome onboard the TA-Sou. As you know, you were chosen from among the best the second generation has to offer. Be proud. Off course, we will not be sending you off to battle empty-handed. After all, we wouldnÆt want to give those females a feast, do we not?ö The room was filled with polite laughter. It probably didnÆt dawn on the colonel that his jokes were lame. It didnÆt matter anyway. Subordinates were there to laugh obediently at any of his jokes.
ôWhich is why Grandpa has given you the best that Otoko ingenuity has to offer.ö He boomed, as a large screen lowered behind him. The lights promptly dimmed. Someone in the room tripped and swore. The screen lit up. Everyone gasped in pretend awe.
ôTired of flying last yearÆs SUPER-COOL-HYPER-INTERCEPTOR? Tired of losing to the female Dreads? Tired of being inferior to your neighbour who just happened to buy the newest version of the Otoko Mega-car? Then make a big splash by stomping the said Mega-car with your very own Vanguard û the all new standard issue military mechanized humanoid battle suit. At over 15 metres high, itÆs guaranteed to fit in any domestic garageàö The screen showed a number of vanguards primping and flexing its mechanical muscles as thousands of what looked like fiendish monsters threw blazing fireballs at it to no avail.
ôThis, my comrades, is what the females are up against. Show them what they have to fear from you, for you are the second generation! GrandpaÆs finest!ö The colonel shouted, hitting a button on his podium. The wall behind him slid open slowly, revealing the hangar full of vanguards.
Everyone gasped in , again, pretend awe.
Then everyone stared.
Two people seemed to be desperately clawing one of the vanguards while trying to push the other away.
ôItÆs mine!ö the taller one shouted.
ôNo! I was here first! Be fair!ö The smaller 10 year old one shouted.
ôàWhat in the name of GrandpaÆs *BEEEEEEP* are you doing there?!ö The colonel shouted. ôGUARDS! SEIZE THEM!ö He screamed in fury. He didnÆt care what those kids were there for. He didnÆt even care about the vanguards. He was only worried about whether or not it made him look bad and whether or not it ruined his chances for a promotion.
ôSHUT UP!ö The two people clinging onto the vanguard shouted, annoyed at the interruption. Then it dawned on them that the entire shipÆs crew was watching them.
ôOoppsàI didnÆt know there was a door thereàö Keitaro whispered.
ôMe neitheràlast minute changes to the schematics, maybe?ö Negi whispered back.
A horde of guards where charging at them. They looked at one another. ôRUN!ö they both screamed, leaping off the vanguard. What ensued was a lunatic game of cat and mouse as the entire function room turned into a chaotic frenzy of hands and feet, all scrabbling in what seemed to be a mutual direction.
A minute later saw Keitaro and Negi thrown into the brig-slash-storeroom, handcuffed, angry, and sentenced to a painful public execution. Meanwhile, back on planet Otoko, their really nice and caring friends who had bet on which one of them would get back fastest were forking over their bets to the third group who were the even nicer friends who bet that neither of them were coming back anyway.
------------------------------------
ôVery well. Begin the target trials. Prepare the exterior guns.ö The colonel shouted as he swept regally into the bridge. ôAnd please, please, no more jokes. Nothing like æthe pirates are coming!Æ . I donÆt think I can handle any more frustration right now.ö
ôTHE PIRATES ARE COMING!ö One of the radar officers shouted.
ôAre you desperate for a pounding, soldier?! I saidàö the colonel burst out.
ôSIR! I MEAN IT! FEMALE PIRATES! STARBOARD!ö
Everyone simultaneously looked to the left. Obviously, they saw nothing.
ôSTARBOARD MEANS RIGHT!ö The officer added in panic, realizing that his chances of surviving the female onslaught with a navy-illiterate crew was next to nothing.
Everyone turned to the right in unison. Then they saw it. A large turtle-like affair that was indiscriminately shooting down the other OAF ships, loomed up in front of them. It was an Archangel class Battlecruiser, more than capable of keeping itÆs own against a few destroyers.
ôITÆS THE FEMALES! RALLY NOW, MEN! FOR NOW IS YOUR CHANCE TO PROVE YOUR WORTH!ö The colonel screamed hysterically. ôSCRAMBLE THE VANGUARD PILOTS!ö
ôBut sir, scrambling them?ö One of the officers asked uncertainly.
ôItÆs a military term for sending them out on a sortie, you bum. Now get to it.ö The colonel said, looking his dim officer in the eye. ôCOME NOW, FEMALES! THIS MANÆS BLOOD BOILS FOR ACTION!ö He screamed up at the turtle-like vessel.
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Thousands of inexperienced and utterly idiotic vanguard pilots boarded the vanguards in the function room and immediately fired up their boosters before realizing there was no way out of the function room. In the process, they burned the red velvet carpet that lined the function room floor. The unfortunate trio, Shirai, Haitani, and Kentaro, had taken to taking cover under a large bronze statue of the great Grandpa, now missing its head, courtesy of one of the aforementioned idiotic vanguard pilots.
Meanwhile, outside, dozens of female Dreads were making quick work of the OAF battleshipsÆ defense systems. (This is what the Otoko MenÆs digest have to say about female Dreads û they are the utterly vicious looking minions of the females which the females ride as they trample unfortunate men under their hooves. TheseàerràÆcoolÆ looking-for the lack of a better description- interceptors are the mainstay of the female hordes and though, off course, they are inferior to the male vanguards, they are quite formidable. In fact, to be honest, the only way you could win against a female dread with a vanguard is by outnumbering them 6 to 1. They are, truly and honestly, cool. û shortly after this article was published, the editor was put in prison for anti-government propaganda).
The vanguards (at least, the ones who made it out of their flagship) were desperately trying to hold off the female invasion by literally holding onto the female dreads. All they actually achieved was blocking the female pilotÆs view.
ôGrrràwhatÆs wrong with these malesàö One of the Dread pilots muttered under her breath as she tried to shake off a stubborn Vanguard that was clinging onto her windshield. ôCan they actually fight?ö
ôCalm down and concentrate, Asuna. WeÆve got more important things to concentrate on.ö A voice said through her COM. ôOur target is the enemy flagship. Grandma Hina wants it intact. Cover the insertion teams and take out the main defenses.ö
ôIÆd love to do that, Mitsune-sempai, but I canÆt get thisàahhàthereàthe wipers actually work.ö Asuna said with satisfaction as her laser windshield wipers blew off the unfortunate vanguard. ôMotoko-sempai! Some of those battleships seem to be going for the HI-Na. Should we pull our squadron out of the attack and go cover our flagship?ö
ôSetsunaÆs squadron will take care of that. You worry about the insertion teams.ö A voice replied over the COM. ôCOME ON GIRLS! LETÆS GIVEÆEM HELL!ö The voice shouted.
As one, the Dread squadrons swooped down and bombarded the OAF flagship, the TA-Sou. Trailing behind them were the pirate marine figates, the spearhead of the insertion.
ôReady, girls? Once we break in, the first objective is to secure the bridge and sub-bridge. Capture any man you encounter. If they resist, destroy them. If they start begging you not to eat their livers, ignore them.ö The leader of the insertion team onboard the marine frigate, Mana Tatsumiya, said. ôAll rightàdon your helmets! Pressurize your suits!ö She ordered. ôRemember, contact with anything male, even the air they breath, will instantly cause you to contract Male coodies. Is that understood? Otherwise youÆll have to spend an entire afternoon in Ako IzumiÆs decontamination room.ö All the girls nodded gravely. ôOh, and off course, have fun.ö Manna added. All the girls onboard the ship giggled.
ôFEMALES RULE!ö Mana shouted, throwing a fist into the air.
ôFOREVER!ö The entire crew shouted.
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Meanwhile, oblivious to the battle outside, two unfortunate males were trying to free themselves from their less than liberal position on the floor of the brig cell. An ermine-shaped sentry robot had come in earlier and shocked them a couple of times for calling it weird. The said robot was now smoking in a corner of the room, talking about its life in the Italian mob. Vowing to hammer its short-circuited brain when he got out, Keitaro continued to struggle to release himself from his handcuffs.
Somehow, he actually managed to get them off.
Little did he know, in a short while, he would again be in chains.
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ôMove the HI-na in to fire on the TA-Sou. WeÆve got to support our insertion teams by suppressing their defensive guns.ö An old, yet vibrant looking maternal figure of a woman ordered from her seat at the top of the HI-naÆs bridgeÆs command deck. ôAnd step on it.ö
ôUnderstood, Grandma Hina,ö The auburn-haired stern-yet-stunning-looking Executive Officer Narusegawa Naru replied. ôFourteen degrees starboard. Twenty degrees down angle, Shinobu-chan.ö She ordered.
ôAnouàRoger that. Fourteen degrees starboard. Twenty degrees down angle. Was that right?ö Dark-blue haired terminally-timid Helmsman/Head Navigator Shinobu Maehara asked uncertainly, adjusting the shipÆs heading.
ôSuu! GiveÆem HELL!ö Naru shouted up at her weapon systemÆs chief and resident gun nut, Kaolla Suu, as the HI-na
ôNyahahahahaha! Leave it to me!ö The blonde-haired insane-human-bomb Weapon Systems Chief Suu laughed maniacally from her own personal command deck. ôWeapons personnel, OPEN FIRE!ö She shouted.
ôRoger that, all weapon systems activated.ö Weapon systems operator Ayase Yue reported while sipping on yet another carton of tomato juice.
ôYay! Fireworks!ö Suu cheered as the HI-naÆs ion turrets and plasma cannons unleashed their fury upon the TA-Sou. Supernovas lit up on the TA-SouÆs hull as the shots connected and exploded.
ôHI-na to insertion teams, your path is clear. I repeat, your path is clear.ö Naru announced. ôProceed with your missionàletÆs take down those male bastardsà.ö
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ôReady men? When those dreaded females blow through that door, be ready to show them some good old fashioned male-style hospitality.ö The commanding officer in charge of the defense teams shouted in an attempt to rally his troops. ôHere they come!ö
Off course I've got Soul Requiem, Second Chance, and Gundam Hina Eternity to consider too. I guess Forevermore is a given, don't you think? Should I post the other fics here too just to compare? I kinda need help deciding. Thanks.
----------------------------------
Love Hina Alternate Universe
By BeyondTheBounds
In a world where the sex wars are no longer a metaphoràin a world where sexual segregation has reached the point of all out warfareàa world where space has become the stage for the final showdown in the eternal fight between man and womenàOne Man ventures where no other man has gone beforeàinto a womanÆs heart.
Disclaimer: I donÆt own Love Hina, Negima or VanDread. Thank you.
Chapter 1: For Grandpa and Gender!
æFemalesàthe most vile creatures in the universeàthey used to enslave menàtoyed with themàtorture themà.eat their livers fresh. Nothing delighted this deranged race more than the screams of agony of a dying man. Their disproportionate bodyàtheir twisted facesàtheir wicked claws of steelànothing is more terrible than a womanÆs wrath. Womenàare the scourge of the universe.
æThis is why the inhabitants of the planet Otoko, the last sanctuary of free men, have vowed to combat the female menace and once and for all rid the universe of their vile race. Swear to Grandpa! The father of all men! Swear to him, the one who had delivered us from the evil Grandma, that thou shall continue his holy crusade against those monstrosities of nature.
æTodayàwith the launching of our ship, the TA-Sou, we vow to carry the fight to the women and finally liberate all men from the threat of the female menace. This ship, the old colony ship that Grandpa had utilized in his daring escape from the vile females, has been reborn with a new quest. To once again liberate us from the femalesà.this time, forever. That is why, children of Grandpa, sons of Otoko, rise! Fight for glory, honour, and pride! You, everyone of the second generation, I bid you the best of luck. May Grandpa smile upon you all!Æ
The crowds cheered as the colonel of the Otoko Armed Forces (OAF) finished his speech. Everyone stood up to attention and saluted as the Otoko national anthem played. Some wept with pride. Some shook with emotions. Someàsuch as third-generation-slash-good-for-nothing-trash Keitaro Urashimaàmerely swore at the television screen and got on with whatever they were doing. In Keitaro the janitor/repairman/parts-engineerÆs case, this involved cleaning out the trashà.doing so inconspicuously while trying to complete a bet he had made with his other third-generation mates earlier at lunchàto steal an OAF Vanguard. (This is what the Otoko MenÆs digest magazine had to say about the Vanguards-tired of flying last yearÆs SUPER-COOL-HYPER-INTERCEPTOR? Tired of losing to the female Dreads? Tired of being inferior to your neighbour who just happened to buy the newest version of the Otoko Mega-car? Then make a big splash by stomping the said Mega-car with your very own Vanguard û the all new standard issue military mechanized humanoid battle suit. At over 15 metres high, itÆs guaranteed to fit in any domestic garage. Order yours today, and get the chance to get yourself one of the limited edition super special polka-dot Vanguards with optional x-ray vision - perfect for those long lonely nights. Call 123-MY-VANGUARD for more details)
Unfortunately, to steal a vanguard, particularly the vanguard with the specific ID number they had agreed on, he would have to sneak onboard the TA-Sou and somehow break into the secure hangar. He had gotten as far as the cargo depot where they were loading the tons of weaponry that were specifically designed to destroy females (No details from the Otoko MenÆs digest magazine here. The weekly Gun-NutÆs Choice magazine does have an article on it though. But in order not to breach the local UN human rights statute on sexual equality, no further elaboration will be done). Now all he had to do was sneak into the ship itself. Piece of cake!
Or so he thoughtà.
The only way in was through the TA-SouÆs cargo bay. And obviously, the only thing that goes in there is cargo. With guards everywhere, there was no other way. Keitaro had to squeeze in with a crateful of live ammunition. Oh joyà
Meanwhile, on the other side of the ship, someone else had decided to take advantage of the shipÆs presence as betting material as well. A particularly hopeful third generation 10-year old was desperately crawling through the shipÆs convenient maze-like ventilation system(which, strangely, are existent and unsecured in every single interstellar battleship and are always conveniently placed for enterprising intruders). He had had a hard time squeezing in through shipÆs waste disposal system and had run in with a few automated sentries as he navigated the shipÆs waste dumps.
He too had taken up the æsteal-a-vanguardÆ bet. Unbeknownst to both him and Keitaro, their friends were also betting on whoÆd return first with the vanguard. In fact, both had been set to steal the same vanguard. ThatÆs friendship for youà
Negi Springfield had just finally made it to the ventilation duct overlooking the hangar bay when the ship suddenly shook violently. The deafening roar of the shipÆs plasma engines threatened to tear apart his eardrums as he tried to read his watch. æThis canÆt be rightàtheyÆre launching two hours ahead of schedule.Æ
Keitaro Urashima, meanwhile, was trying his best to bypass a biometric lock on the hangar door. He had tried the fake fingerprint trick with plastic gloves and oil spray, only to find that the biometric lock was a lot smarter than he had expected. With 10 seconds left until the alarms sounded, he had no choice but to try and bypass the system.
ôPlease submit an authorized hand print in10 secondsàö The computer cordially said to him.
ôDamn itàö Keitaro swore under his breath as he spliced a pair of wires. Suddenly, the ship chose to shudder violently at that exact time, throwing Keitaro off his feet and into the wall.
ô6 secondsàö The computer announced.
ôNànoàö Keitaro reached out as far as he could. He only had to connect the wiresà
ô3 secondsàö He strained every muscle in his bodyà
ô1 secàö The computer went blank as the doors slid open. He shielded his ears as the engineÆs roar shook the ship. He sighed a breath of relief as he looked about the hangar. Just a bit more, he thought.
As to why the ship launched 2 hours ahead of schedule, the colonel was getting so impatient to prove his worth to the females that he had ordered the launch as soon as the speech was finished. ôWhy wait? Time is of the essence. Every second counts in our struggle against the females!ö he shouted at the bridge.
---------------------------------------
Meanwhile, in the shipÆs function room, a party was going onà
ôHey, when we get back to Otoko, do you wanna go with me to the baby factory and clone a baby together?ö one of the smartly dressed officers said to another.
ôSure thing. Hey, Shirai! Haitani! Kentaro! What on earth are you doing? Come here and enjoy the food!ö The other officer shouted.
ôFirst lieutenant Shirai, reporting, sir!ö Shirai immediately sprung up to the officer and saluted.
ôCalm down, Shirai. ItÆs not as if weÆre about to go to battle just yet.ö Haitani said, shaking his head, sighing.
ôYeah. I heard weÆre only going to test out the shipÆs systems first before actually going to war.ö Kentaro said, striding up to the group. ôHave you checked out the new vanguards, by the way?ö
ôAhàyes. The Colonel was just about to make another speech on that.ö One of the officers said. ôSpeak of the devilàö
Just then, the colonel walked up to a raised platform at one end of the function room. All the men in the room promptly stood to attention and saluted.
ôAt ease, men.ö He beamed at them. His men. HIS men. They were all ready to fight to the death. Mostly to earn him a promotion. Yep. ôWelcome onboard the TA-Sou. As you know, you were chosen from among the best the second generation has to offer. Be proud. Off course, we will not be sending you off to battle empty-handed. After all, we wouldnÆt want to give those females a feast, do we not?ö The room was filled with polite laughter. It probably didnÆt dawn on the colonel that his jokes were lame. It didnÆt matter anyway. Subordinates were there to laugh obediently at any of his jokes.
ôWhich is why Grandpa has given you the best that Otoko ingenuity has to offer.ö He boomed, as a large screen lowered behind him. The lights promptly dimmed. Someone in the room tripped and swore. The screen lit up. Everyone gasped in pretend awe.
ôTired of flying last yearÆs SUPER-COOL-HYPER-INTERCEPTOR? Tired of losing to the female Dreads? Tired of being inferior to your neighbour who just happened to buy the newest version of the Otoko Mega-car? Then make a big splash by stomping the said Mega-car with your very own Vanguard û the all new standard issue military mechanized humanoid battle suit. At over 15 metres high, itÆs guaranteed to fit in any domestic garageàö The screen showed a number of vanguards primping and flexing its mechanical muscles as thousands of what looked like fiendish monsters threw blazing fireballs at it to no avail.
ôThis, my comrades, is what the females are up against. Show them what they have to fear from you, for you are the second generation! GrandpaÆs finest!ö The colonel shouted, hitting a button on his podium. The wall behind him slid open slowly, revealing the hangar full of vanguards.
Everyone gasped in , again, pretend awe.
Then everyone stared.
Two people seemed to be desperately clawing one of the vanguards while trying to push the other away.
ôItÆs mine!ö the taller one shouted.
ôNo! I was here first! Be fair!ö The smaller 10 year old one shouted.
ôàWhat in the name of GrandpaÆs *BEEEEEEP* are you doing there?!ö The colonel shouted. ôGUARDS! SEIZE THEM!ö He screamed in fury. He didnÆt care what those kids were there for. He didnÆt even care about the vanguards. He was only worried about whether or not it made him look bad and whether or not it ruined his chances for a promotion.
ôSHUT UP!ö The two people clinging onto the vanguard shouted, annoyed at the interruption. Then it dawned on them that the entire shipÆs crew was watching them.
ôOoppsàI didnÆt know there was a door thereàö Keitaro whispered.
ôMe neitheràlast minute changes to the schematics, maybe?ö Negi whispered back.
A horde of guards where charging at them. They looked at one another. ôRUN!ö they both screamed, leaping off the vanguard. What ensued was a lunatic game of cat and mouse as the entire function room turned into a chaotic frenzy of hands and feet, all scrabbling in what seemed to be a mutual direction.
A minute later saw Keitaro and Negi thrown into the brig-slash-storeroom, handcuffed, angry, and sentenced to a painful public execution. Meanwhile, back on planet Otoko, their really nice and caring friends who had bet on which one of them would get back fastest were forking over their bets to the third group who were the even nicer friends who bet that neither of them were coming back anyway.
------------------------------------
ôVery well. Begin the target trials. Prepare the exterior guns.ö The colonel shouted as he swept regally into the bridge. ôAnd please, please, no more jokes. Nothing like æthe pirates are coming!Æ . I donÆt think I can handle any more frustration right now.ö
ôTHE PIRATES ARE COMING!ö One of the radar officers shouted.
ôAre you desperate for a pounding, soldier?! I saidàö the colonel burst out.
ôSIR! I MEAN IT! FEMALE PIRATES! STARBOARD!ö
Everyone simultaneously looked to the left. Obviously, they saw nothing.
ôSTARBOARD MEANS RIGHT!ö The officer added in panic, realizing that his chances of surviving the female onslaught with a navy-illiterate crew was next to nothing.
Everyone turned to the right in unison. Then they saw it. A large turtle-like affair that was indiscriminately shooting down the other OAF ships, loomed up in front of them. It was an Archangel class Battlecruiser, more than capable of keeping itÆs own against a few destroyers.
ôITÆS THE FEMALES! RALLY NOW, MEN! FOR NOW IS YOUR CHANCE TO PROVE YOUR WORTH!ö The colonel screamed hysterically. ôSCRAMBLE THE VANGUARD PILOTS!ö
ôBut sir, scrambling them?ö One of the officers asked uncertainly.
ôItÆs a military term for sending them out on a sortie, you bum. Now get to it.ö The colonel said, looking his dim officer in the eye. ôCOME NOW, FEMALES! THIS MANÆS BLOOD BOILS FOR ACTION!ö He screamed up at the turtle-like vessel.
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Thousands of inexperienced and utterly idiotic vanguard pilots boarded the vanguards in the function room and immediately fired up their boosters before realizing there was no way out of the function room. In the process, they burned the red velvet carpet that lined the function room floor. The unfortunate trio, Shirai, Haitani, and Kentaro, had taken to taking cover under a large bronze statue of the great Grandpa, now missing its head, courtesy of one of the aforementioned idiotic vanguard pilots.
Meanwhile, outside, dozens of female Dreads were making quick work of the OAF battleshipsÆ defense systems. (This is what the Otoko MenÆs digest have to say about female Dreads û they are the utterly vicious looking minions of the females which the females ride as they trample unfortunate men under their hooves. TheseàerràÆcoolÆ looking-for the lack of a better description- interceptors are the mainstay of the female hordes and though, off course, they are inferior to the male vanguards, they are quite formidable. In fact, to be honest, the only way you could win against a female dread with a vanguard is by outnumbering them 6 to 1. They are, truly and honestly, cool. û shortly after this article was published, the editor was put in prison for anti-government propaganda).
The vanguards (at least, the ones who made it out of their flagship) were desperately trying to hold off the female invasion by literally holding onto the female dreads. All they actually achieved was blocking the female pilotÆs view.
ôGrrràwhatÆs wrong with these malesàö One of the Dread pilots muttered under her breath as she tried to shake off a stubborn Vanguard that was clinging onto her windshield. ôCan they actually fight?ö
ôCalm down and concentrate, Asuna. WeÆve got more important things to concentrate on.ö A voice said through her COM. ôOur target is the enemy flagship. Grandma Hina wants it intact. Cover the insertion teams and take out the main defenses.ö
ôIÆd love to do that, Mitsune-sempai, but I canÆt get thisàahhàthereàthe wipers actually work.ö Asuna said with satisfaction as her laser windshield wipers blew off the unfortunate vanguard. ôMotoko-sempai! Some of those battleships seem to be going for the HI-Na. Should we pull our squadron out of the attack and go cover our flagship?ö
ôSetsunaÆs squadron will take care of that. You worry about the insertion teams.ö A voice replied over the COM. ôCOME ON GIRLS! LETÆS GIVEÆEM HELL!ö The voice shouted.
As one, the Dread squadrons swooped down and bombarded the OAF flagship, the TA-Sou. Trailing behind them were the pirate marine figates, the spearhead of the insertion.
ôReady, girls? Once we break in, the first objective is to secure the bridge and sub-bridge. Capture any man you encounter. If they resist, destroy them. If they start begging you not to eat their livers, ignore them.ö The leader of the insertion team onboard the marine frigate, Mana Tatsumiya, said. ôAll rightàdon your helmets! Pressurize your suits!ö She ordered. ôRemember, contact with anything male, even the air they breath, will instantly cause you to contract Male coodies. Is that understood? Otherwise youÆll have to spend an entire afternoon in Ako IzumiÆs decontamination room.ö All the girls nodded gravely. ôOh, and off course, have fun.ö Manna added. All the girls onboard the ship giggled.
ôFEMALES RULE!ö Mana shouted, throwing a fist into the air.
ôFOREVER!ö The entire crew shouted.
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Meanwhile, oblivious to the battle outside, two unfortunate males were trying to free themselves from their less than liberal position on the floor of the brig cell. An ermine-shaped sentry robot had come in earlier and shocked them a couple of times for calling it weird. The said robot was now smoking in a corner of the room, talking about its life in the Italian mob. Vowing to hammer its short-circuited brain when he got out, Keitaro continued to struggle to release himself from his handcuffs.
Somehow, he actually managed to get them off.
Little did he know, in a short while, he would again be in chains.
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ôMove the HI-na in to fire on the TA-Sou. WeÆve got to support our insertion teams by suppressing their defensive guns.ö An old, yet vibrant looking maternal figure of a woman ordered from her seat at the top of the HI-naÆs bridgeÆs command deck. ôAnd step on it.ö
ôUnderstood, Grandma Hina,ö The auburn-haired stern-yet-stunning-looking Executive Officer Narusegawa Naru replied. ôFourteen degrees starboard. Twenty degrees down angle, Shinobu-chan.ö She ordered.
ôAnouàRoger that. Fourteen degrees starboard. Twenty degrees down angle. Was that right?ö Dark-blue haired terminally-timid Helmsman/Head Navigator Shinobu Maehara asked uncertainly, adjusting the shipÆs heading.
ôSuu! GiveÆem HELL!ö Naru shouted up at her weapon systemÆs chief and resident gun nut, Kaolla Suu, as the HI-na
ôNyahahahahaha! Leave it to me!ö The blonde-haired insane-human-bomb Weapon Systems Chief Suu laughed maniacally from her own personal command deck. ôWeapons personnel, OPEN FIRE!ö She shouted.
ôRoger that, all weapon systems activated.ö Weapon systems operator Ayase Yue reported while sipping on yet another carton of tomato juice.
ôYay! Fireworks!ö Suu cheered as the HI-naÆs ion turrets and plasma cannons unleashed their fury upon the TA-Sou. Supernovas lit up on the TA-SouÆs hull as the shots connected and exploded.
ôHI-na to insertion teams, your path is clear. I repeat, your path is clear.ö Naru announced. ôProceed with your missionàletÆs take down those male bastardsà.ö
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ôReady men? When those dreaded females blow through that door, be ready to show them some good old fashioned male-style hospitality.ö The commanding officer in charge of the defense teams shouted in an attempt to rally his troops. ôHere they come!ö
