Luck

maglevtrain

Well-Known Member
#1
An original piece for Lithium Chloride fic

'Lucky Charms'

People used all kinds of things to give them luck Rabbits Feet, Horseshoes, Etc. Other people used things that where stranger. Hell he knew a guy who would carry around a pair of socks that were supposedly "Lucky".
But what were Lucky Charms really. That is what he wanted to know. He knew they were little trinkets people believed in and he knew they were the cereal he ate for breakfast in the morning, but what were they beyond that.
Why did people believe in them and did they actually work? They were just objects. Weren't they?
Carrying them around all the time is obviously gonna make them seem lucky doesn't mean they're lucky. Does it?
He needed to figure this out, it was driving him crazy. So he experimented. He started carrying around a little trinket of his own, a small coin from a foreign country.
And just as believed nothing happened; so he stopped carrying it. He put it away and forgot about it.
Years later he had moved up in the world. No longer did he live in his parents basement nor did he work in that office with no windows. He was in a good paying job in New York and was finally ready to maybe get married and have kids.

Tonight was the night. An old childhood friend from Oklahoma had started working on another floor and they decided to get together for a dinner. He was planning to ask her out afterwords.
While fishing for his tie he felt something. Curious he pulled it from the draw and saw it was his 'Lucky Charm'.
It was then that he noticed the time. Putting the coin in his pocket he threw on his tie and grabbed his keys as he rushed out the door.
After the dinner he walked her home and asked her on a second date. To his relief she agreed. As he walked home he felt the coin in his pocket.

"Maybe there is something to 'lucky charms' bring luck."
 

twin blade

Well-Known Member
#2
Don't hate me for this, Maglev.

Readability: 2/20
Style: 4/20
Flow: 0/20
Research: 18/20
Opinion: 2/20
Total: 26/100

Um...Maglev...what did you do?

This snippet is a total culinary disaster. Basic cooking mistakes are repeated multiple times - missing pronouns, obvious mispellings, wrong punctuation marks.


You cooked on low the entire time, the heat of the story never exploded with passion or, in fact, rise.

You only did well in the grossly missnamed 'Research' category, but that didn't make me care about your character. It's a mistake ridden, poorly presented, barely edible piece of tripe.

I'm surprised you didn't hurt yourself while playing with these chemicals. They're bad on their own, and then you went and mixed them together.

Um...Try harder next time? You didn't seem to really care about your work.

Also: Fallacy, Souffle, Luthorne, Halibel? :huh.:
 

Halibel Lecter

Well-Known Member
#3
Flow- 15. Very short and choppy, though I can appreciate the chemist's attempt to replicate a human mind's sequence of reactions, here it just seems to go in fits and starts, with little "good" use of this technique.

Opinion- 17. A cute, nice fic with a decent (if predicatble) ending. Similar in its course to the KClO4 + H2SO4 + C12H24O12 reaction, it produces a nice, pretty result, though its commonality does detract from it a little.

Research- 19. This felt realistic, like a good combustion test, with ins and outs to the plot (what plot there was). The ending could have used work because of its predictability, and would this happen in real life? But my SoD remains fully intact. Althoguh... why did the friend have to be from Oklahoma? :ph43r:

Readability- 3. I'm sorry. I really am. But... my god. The pain.

Style- 12. The style isn't bad if compared to a human's mind at work, and because it spans a generous amount of time, there are certain concessions that can be made for the quick, blunt style of this piece.

Total: 67

Scoring Position:

F = M/A

FORRS = Mine / All

Final Position: Pending Calculation of A
 

Kayeich

Well-Known Member
#4
Readability: 6/20
Style: 17/20
Flow: 14/20
Research: 14/20
Opinion: 16/20
Total: 67/100

Wow, twin blade was -harsh-, man. But yeah, overall I'll agree with the sentiment that the were a lot of issues with the spelling/grammar.

I did like the style though, and the flow of the story works well, but I think it should have been more fleshed out and just been a fair bit longer to really give the ending impact.
 

twin blade

Well-Known Member
#5
Hey, I'm not harsh - I just have a sense of scale.

I mean, if I were to grade this even a 'ten' in a category, that would be 'half of perfection'. That's not what this story is.
 
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