Harry Potter Magical Time Loops
- Thread starter Innortal
- Start date
You just had to call him Mr. Hat... The Hat is not Mr. Hat, ever.
The start of the loop had been quiet, too quiet. Harry cursed himself as he mentally tempted fate. Everything was going to script. Well, everything except for him. Any bathroom that had a sign reading, “Danger Tentalcum Vitis†pretty much kept everybody but the first years away. They didn’t know the unlocking charm either. A bit of transfiguration and he had his own private compartment.
He slipped into line near the back McGonnogal was giving her speech. He promptly tuned her out. Harry had given and received that speech too many times to count. The back of Harry’s neck tingled as he looked around in growing paranoia. His name was eyes widened in horror as he realized just what was sitting on the chair.
In a panicked frenzy Harry drew his wand and shouted, “What the fuck is that doing here!â€
“Language Mr. Potter!†Minerva scolded and promptly cast a censoring charm on the young man.
“I don’t give a [Bleeping] [Oh Yea!].†Harry’s rubbed his voice shifted to that of Marvin Gaye for a moment. “Where did you find that!â€
“I assure you Mr. Potter Mr. Hat has sorted children for centuries.†She ushered him forward. “Now sit on the stool and let Mr. Hat preform the sorting.â€
Harry looked around the room. First years littered the various tables and nothing seemed right at all. From his stuff space he drew an Elder Wand. Looking directly at the hand puppet he said, “You just stay the [radio edit] over there and you and I aren’t going to have any problems.â€
Mr. Hat remained silent and inanimate. Harry pointed the elder wand at the puppet on the stool and started backing away. The transfiguration teacher huffed, “Letting Mr. Hat use the sorting rod on you is a time honored tradition. Now get up on that stool and take it like a man.â€
Harry drew his holly wand and pointed it at his teacher. His stepped back to keep both the hat and Minerva in front of him. He looked at her in horror. “Oh no he’s gotten to you.â€
“I have no idea what you mean.†Harry looked at Mr. Hats purple sorting rod as Minerva advanced. Harry didn’t give her a chance to respond with a downward slash of his wand. He cried out, “Raimeiken!â€
The attack forced Minerva backwards unharmed. The evil purifing attack didn't drive out Mr. Hat's perverted influence. He brought the elder wand around he took aim at the evil hat and shouted out, “Zanmaken!â€
Harry was quietly thanking Peorth that Motoko Aoyama loved training as much as she loved sex. Harry tried to leverage the happy thought of Peorth, Motoko and himself sharing a hot spring, but Mr. Hat’s evil aura promptly quashed any enjoyable thoughts. He had to abandon his attempt at the Ero-Protroni as his darker, impure, yaoi thoughts invaded his mind. The dark side whispered to the looper and it was so very tempting to give into to that man-boy love. Harry shouted back at the puppet with the purple rod, “Oh, you won’t get me that easily.â€
Mr. Hat was not moved. Harry could feel the evil puppet's perversion rising. A ring of fire surrounded the two and separated them from the rest of the room. Harry knew he had to step up his game or he would definitely succumb to the dark side. Who knew how many loops it would take for someone to save him from the unthinkable. Harry dropped the Holly wand back into his pocket and drew forth one of the most potent weapons he owned. “I am the Master of Death. Your twisted mockery of the Little Death shall not go unpunished. You will not bring me to the Adventure Club so easily! In the name of Short Skirts and Curvy Bottoms I will punish you.â€
The silence glaive cut at the hand puppet. The purple rod fell off of the stool. The rubber toy hit the wall of fire and let out a terrible shrike. As a corner of the hand puppet’s red hat fell to the floor Harry clutched his scar. Even a shot from the infamous world destroyer had only angered the puppet. Harry cried out in pain as black ooze dripped across his face. Harry struggled to not take a step forward towards that long purple rod as it rolled way from the fire. He tried to force himself backwards but his leg kept moving forward. He glared defiantly at the sock puppet as its will invaded his thoughts and actions. “No, I will not [Mercy Me] Ron while [Aw Shucks] and Hermione [I feel like a woman!]â€
Mr. Hat was not amused. He forced to kneel and pick up the melting purple rod. Harry defiantly looked up. He stood up and took one step and another. With one last effort Harry wretch his hand open and the silence glaive fell. “See you next loop you [Just Jesus Baby!]â€
~~~~
Else-When Aboard the Eiken Express
Harry lunged at Hermione. Despite her normally modest measurements she had enough cleavage for him to motorboat.
“Harry James Potter.†Hermione growled out as Harry hugged her tighter. “What did you do?â€
“Oh god Hermione, it was so bad… Adventure Club, they and he had, I mean… It was Mr. Hat!†Harry promptly returned to his happy place in Hermione’s lap.
Hermione bit her tongue back she supposed she could endure a loop as Hermione G-Cups Granger. The things that sock puppet could do were unspeakable and clearly Harry needed the comfort. Damn it though Ron would so owe her for this.
The start of the loop had been quiet, too quiet. Harry cursed himself as he mentally tempted fate. Everything was going to script. Well, everything except for him. Any bathroom that had a sign reading, “Danger Tentalcum Vitis†pretty much kept everybody but the first years away. They didn’t know the unlocking charm either. A bit of transfiguration and he had his own private compartment.
He slipped into line near the back McGonnogal was giving her speech. He promptly tuned her out. Harry had given and received that speech too many times to count. The back of Harry’s neck tingled as he looked around in growing paranoia. His name was eyes widened in horror as he realized just what was sitting on the chair.
In a panicked frenzy Harry drew his wand and shouted, “What the fuck is that doing here!â€
“Language Mr. Potter!†Minerva scolded and promptly cast a censoring charm on the young man.
“I don’t give a [Bleeping] [Oh Yea!].†Harry’s rubbed his voice shifted to that of Marvin Gaye for a moment. “Where did you find that!â€
“I assure you Mr. Potter Mr. Hat has sorted children for centuries.†She ushered him forward. “Now sit on the stool and let Mr. Hat preform the sorting.â€
Harry looked around the room. First years littered the various tables and nothing seemed right at all. From his stuff space he drew an Elder Wand. Looking directly at the hand puppet he said, “You just stay the [radio edit] over there and you and I aren’t going to have any problems.â€
Mr. Hat remained silent and inanimate. Harry pointed the elder wand at the puppet on the stool and started backing away. The transfiguration teacher huffed, “Letting Mr. Hat use the sorting rod on you is a time honored tradition. Now get up on that stool and take it like a man.â€
Harry drew his holly wand and pointed it at his teacher. His stepped back to keep both the hat and Minerva in front of him. He looked at her in horror. “Oh no he’s gotten to you.â€
“I have no idea what you mean.†Harry looked at Mr. Hats purple sorting rod as Minerva advanced. Harry didn’t give her a chance to respond with a downward slash of his wand. He cried out, “Raimeiken!â€
The attack forced Minerva backwards unharmed. The evil purifing attack didn't drive out Mr. Hat's perverted influence. He brought the elder wand around he took aim at the evil hat and shouted out, “Zanmaken!â€
Harry was quietly thanking Peorth that Motoko Aoyama loved training as much as she loved sex. Harry tried to leverage the happy thought of Peorth, Motoko and himself sharing a hot spring, but Mr. Hat’s evil aura promptly quashed any enjoyable thoughts. He had to abandon his attempt at the Ero-Protroni as his darker, impure, yaoi thoughts invaded his mind. The dark side whispered to the looper and it was so very tempting to give into to that man-boy love. Harry shouted back at the puppet with the purple rod, “Oh, you won’t get me that easily.â€
Mr. Hat was not moved. Harry could feel the evil puppet's perversion rising. A ring of fire surrounded the two and separated them from the rest of the room. Harry knew he had to step up his game or he would definitely succumb to the dark side. Who knew how many loops it would take for someone to save him from the unthinkable. Harry dropped the Holly wand back into his pocket and drew forth one of the most potent weapons he owned. “I am the Master of Death. Your twisted mockery of the Little Death shall not go unpunished. You will not bring me to the Adventure Club so easily! In the name of Short Skirts and Curvy Bottoms I will punish you.â€
The silence glaive cut at the hand puppet. The purple rod fell off of the stool. The rubber toy hit the wall of fire and let out a terrible shrike. As a corner of the hand puppet’s red hat fell to the floor Harry clutched his scar. Even a shot from the infamous world destroyer had only angered the puppet. Harry cried out in pain as black ooze dripped across his face. Harry struggled to not take a step forward towards that long purple rod as it rolled way from the fire. He tried to force himself backwards but his leg kept moving forward. He glared defiantly at the sock puppet as its will invaded his thoughts and actions. “No, I will not [Mercy Me] Ron while [Aw Shucks] and Hermione [I feel like a woman!]â€
Mr. Hat was not amused. He forced to kneel and pick up the melting purple rod. Harry defiantly looked up. He stood up and took one step and another. With one last effort Harry wretch his hand open and the silence glaive fell. “See you next loop you [Just Jesus Baby!]â€
~~~~
Else-When Aboard the Eiken Express
Harry lunged at Hermione. Despite her normally modest measurements she had enough cleavage for him to motorboat.
“Harry James Potter.†Hermione growled out as Harry hugged her tighter. “What did you do?â€
“Oh god Hermione, it was so bad… Adventure Club, they and he had, I mean… It was Mr. Hat!†Harry promptly returned to his happy place in Hermione’s lap.
Hermione bit her tongue back she supposed she could endure a loop as Hermione G-Cups Granger. The things that sock puppet could do were unspeakable and clearly Harry needed the comfort. Damn it though Ron would so owe her for this.
"You have to trust us, Harry," Dumbledore said. "Isn't that right, Mr. Hat?"
"That's right, Mr. Dumbledore," Dumbledore spoke with minimal mouth movement. "Otherwise, we'll have to spank his taught, bare bottom."
"Oh, Mr. Hat, you're being naughty," Dumbledore chuckled. "Well, time to go.
"Come along, Mr. Snape."
"Jesus Christ, these dunderheads," Snape replied with a light lisp, as Dumbledore tugged his leash.
"That's right, Mr. Dumbledore," Dumbledore spoke with minimal mouth movement. "Otherwise, we'll have to spank his taught, bare bottom."
"Oh, Mr. Hat, you're being naughty," Dumbledore chuckled. "Well, time to go.
"Come along, Mr. Snape."
"Jesus Christ, these dunderheads," Snape replied with a light lisp, as Dumbledore tugged his leash.
To say Harry was twitchy was a bit of an understatement. His last set of loops were hell, pure and simple. He knew this one would be too. The last six had him power locked, and proved Dumbledore was far from the worst Headmaster. He struggled in recalling the prior loops, mostly since he had all of them blocked from his memory. It always went wrong as soon as he entered the sorting room.
His first loop in this series all started with the headmaster, then again all of them started with said position. "You all know why you have been summoned here today. My name is Gendo Ikari, you will obey your orders or face consequences."
He shuddered at the next loop. It was wrong on so many levels, fortunately it was worse for Hermione. The memory only allowed him to recall one thing; "My name is Happosai..."
He shuddered at that memory and tried extra hard to purge that one.
The next was not all that bad compared to the prior one. However seeing the school population drop like that was not encouraging.
“Allow me to introduce myself. I am Evangeline Athanasia Katherine McDowell. I am the headmaster at this school. I do not tolerate stupidity, especially blatant stupidity. Act approipately and all will be well. Should you act otherwise..." She looked at the Griffendor table, "Actions will be taken." The table was half empty.
Harry ensured a slytherin sorting that time. Ronald lasted a week, which surprised Harry since he had not been awake. Interestingly most of the fall of that house was due to both drop outs from the school and transfers to other houses.
After that loop he had one where he walked into the great hall expecting the worst, Gendo was bad, but only a little more then Dumbledore. He who shall also not be named got into a major shadow war with Hermione. He suspected both were awake during that mess. But he was not sure. The Vampire was at least reasonable most of the time. But she tended to act out a touch when pranks went off.
Now he faced the next challenger. His powers were locked yet again, so he feared the worst. Upon seeing the head master he internally nodded, Ravenclaw it was. This time it was Orochimaru. When he winked at Harry he felt his stomach drop. He was awake.
Next was another horror, one in which the entire loop was blocked from his mined, the only thing he remembered was the introduction of the Headmaster, "Greetings cannon fodder. I am your Headmaster Deadpool, and that is not because I am running a pool on who dies and when. I do hope the readers enjoy this disaster I am planning. Ohh and Harry. Gryffindor for you, no escaping to another house."
Harry did have the last laugh on that one, he transferred to Japan. Until Deadpool dragged him back.
The sixth and final one so far in the series had him use the killing curse on himself as soon as he saw HER. It was Haruhi Suzumiya. There was simply no way would he play Kyon. Especially when he saw the other heads of house were the others from the S.O.S. Brigade. Snape was still head of his house which was what clued him into his role in that mess.
And now he entered the great hall and awaited what would possibly top all that. When he saw the Headmaster he was confused. Before him stood a man he did not recognize, at all. Maybe there was hope for this loop after all he wondered.
"Welcome to Hogwarts school for witchcraft and wizardry. I am your headmaster, David Xanatos."
His first loop in this series all started with the headmaster, then again all of them started with said position. "You all know why you have been summoned here today. My name is Gendo Ikari, you will obey your orders or face consequences."
He shuddered at the next loop. It was wrong on so many levels, fortunately it was worse for Hermione. The memory only allowed him to recall one thing; "My name is Happosai..."
He shuddered at that memory and tried extra hard to purge that one.
The next was not all that bad compared to the prior one. However seeing the school population drop like that was not encouraging.
“Allow me to introduce myself. I am Evangeline Athanasia Katherine McDowell. I am the headmaster at this school. I do not tolerate stupidity, especially blatant stupidity. Act approipately and all will be well. Should you act otherwise..." She looked at the Griffendor table, "Actions will be taken." The table was half empty.
Harry ensured a slytherin sorting that time. Ronald lasted a week, which surprised Harry since he had not been awake. Interestingly most of the fall of that house was due to both drop outs from the school and transfers to other houses.
After that loop he had one where he walked into the great hall expecting the worst, Gendo was bad, but only a little more then Dumbledore. He who shall also not be named got into a major shadow war with Hermione. He suspected both were awake during that mess. But he was not sure. The Vampire was at least reasonable most of the time. But she tended to act out a touch when pranks went off.
Now he faced the next challenger. His powers were locked yet again, so he feared the worst. Upon seeing the head master he internally nodded, Ravenclaw it was. This time it was Orochimaru. When he winked at Harry he felt his stomach drop. He was awake.
Next was another horror, one in which the entire loop was blocked from his mined, the only thing he remembered was the introduction of the Headmaster, "Greetings cannon fodder. I am your Headmaster Deadpool, and that is not because I am running a pool on who dies and when. I do hope the readers enjoy this disaster I am planning. Ohh and Harry. Gryffindor for you, no escaping to another house."
Harry did have the last laugh on that one, he transferred to Japan. Until Deadpool dragged him back.
The sixth and final one so far in the series had him use the killing curse on himself as soon as he saw HER. It was Haruhi Suzumiya. There was simply no way would he play Kyon. Especially when he saw the other heads of house were the others from the S.O.S. Brigade. Snape was still head of his house which was what clued him into his role in that mess.
And now he entered the great hall and awaited what would possibly top all that. When he saw the Headmaster he was confused. Before him stood a man he did not recognize, at all. Maybe there was hope for this loop after all he wondered.
"Welcome to Hogwarts school for witchcraft and wizardry. I am your headmaster, David Xanatos."
Actually... learning from Xanatos, while dangerous and painful, actually could be an education. It depends on whether this is before or after he "reforms" (and I use the term loosely). Remember that before that fight with Oberron and reconciling with his father, this is the guy who turned people into mutants so he can have a superhuman cadre of warriors loyal to him (one of his weaker plans at that. What happens when they find out you were the one that screwed them?)
If they come for you specifically it gives you a public excuse to beef up your own security.
If they go to the authorities and you cleaned up the evidence you can call them out as irrationally blaming him for something he had no control over.
If they become a public menace it gives him a reason to provide his own task force to help 'protect' the public.
If they do nothing and you know they won't, well no reason to worry.
If they do nothing and you know they either will or might it will be a chance to test that new secert defence system. As they would be quietly defeated they can once again return to test subject status.
If they go to the authorities and you cleaned up the evidence you can call them out as irrationally blaming him for something he had no control over.
If they become a public menace it gives him a reason to provide his own task force to help 'protect' the public.
If they do nothing and you know they won't, well no reason to worry.
If they do nothing and you know they either will or might it will be a chance to test that new secert defence system. As they would be quietly defeated they can once again return to test subject status.
Not a day went by that Fudge didn't curse legal loopholes.
"And I want free unlimited candy every day every meal at Hogwarts, including candy apples, and oh yes, fudge too!"
And cheeky little bastards that made fun of his name. "Yes, Minister," He said, his tone of voice quite clear on how much he didn't want to actually pass that law.
"And another thing, fetch me Arthur Appleby, I mean Weatherby, er, Weasley? I think it'd totally be cool if we could get giant pinatas made up like in the shape of a dragon that we break open for the candy, that would be awesome! I'm sure he could find some Muggle corporation that can make those pinatas~!"
"Yes, Minister," Fudge sighed, looking at the eleven-year-old Harry Potter. How the brat had collected enough blackmail to force all other contestants for the Minister of Magic to step down, including himself, he wouldn't know, but the Brat-Who-Lived seemed to thrive on tormenting him by sending him on such errands.
What made it even worse that nobody in legal had ever thought that an eleven-year-old would ever run for Minister, therefore there was no minimum age provision for running for Minister. And presto, just like that, Harry Potter was now the youngest ever Minister of Magic, only a few months after entering Hogwarts.
The Wizengamot could have attempted to veto his laws, but it appeared he had had blackmail on them too.
"Wheeee!"
And where had the little bugger got the office chair from? Although he would not say it aloud, Fudge had to admit swinging around in it looked fun.
And just like that, Wizarding Britain was slowly being bankrupted as the new Minister's idea of corruption included giving free candy to every witch and wizard under the age of 17. It turned out the little buggers really liked sugar, who knew?
"And I want free unlimited candy every day every meal at Hogwarts, including candy apples, and oh yes, fudge too!"
And cheeky little bastards that made fun of his name. "Yes, Minister," He said, his tone of voice quite clear on how much he didn't want to actually pass that law.
"And another thing, fetch me Arthur Appleby, I mean Weatherby, er, Weasley? I think it'd totally be cool if we could get giant pinatas made up like in the shape of a dragon that we break open for the candy, that would be awesome! I'm sure he could find some Muggle corporation that can make those pinatas~!"
"Yes, Minister," Fudge sighed, looking at the eleven-year-old Harry Potter. How the brat had collected enough blackmail to force all other contestants for the Minister of Magic to step down, including himself, he wouldn't know, but the Brat-Who-Lived seemed to thrive on tormenting him by sending him on such errands.
What made it even worse that nobody in legal had ever thought that an eleven-year-old would ever run for Minister, therefore there was no minimum age provision for running for Minister. And presto, just like that, Harry Potter was now the youngest ever Minister of Magic, only a few months after entering Hogwarts.
The Wizengamot could have attempted to veto his laws, but it appeared he had had blackmail on them too.
"Wheeee!"
And where had the little bugger got the office chair from? Although he would not say it aloud, Fudge had to admit swinging around in it looked fun.
And just like that, Wizarding Britain was slowly being bankrupted as the new Minister's idea of corruption included giving free candy to every witch and wizard under the age of 17. It turned out the little buggers really liked sugar, who knew?
Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore let his eyes twinkle as he continued speaking to the Great Hall full of not one but three schools. How he loved making a speech sometimes. “Of course, to prevent anybody under the age of seventeen from entering the Triwizard Tournament, I will be drawing an age line that-â€
“Excuse me, Headmaster,†A voice came out from the four great tables, interrupting him “But I believe you owe me a favour.â€
Dumbledore just groaned. “Can somebody please just take this fucking kid back with you at the end of the year?†He softly pleaded with the headmistress and headmaster of Beuxbatons and Durmstrang beside him.
Both Karkaroff and Madame Maxime startled at his unrefined language, and looked at the person who had just spoken, who was now walking up to the Head Table, bedecked in his bronze and blue house colours. Given Harry Potter’s fame as the Boy Who Lived, the only known survivor of a full-blown Killing Curse, even these two foreigners recognised him at first sight. “Headmaster, you have just stated that the Goblet of Fire determines the best champion for each school, filtering out the less qualified. I would like to reverse that and make it so that if you can merely get your name into the Cup, you are already well-qualified.â€
Dumbledore struggled to keep his body from shaking, he would not show fear in front of Harry Potter, and kept a straight face. “I apologise, Mr. Potter, but while I am sure you would do a good job, that is not what was agreed upon by myself, Headmaster Karkaroff and Headmistress Maxime-â€
“That’s alright,†Harry said, smoothly interjecting, “They owe me favours as well.â€
The elder wizard sighed, and finally let his trembling knees give in as he sat back down into this throne. “Does he really?†He asked his counterparts sitting to either side of him. It took a great deal of effort to repress a groan as the two nodded. Their silence told him he didn’t want to know what those favours were, either.
He still doubted they would be more embarrassing than a trade for a controlling stake in a sherbet lemon manufacturer.
“Very well, Mr. Potter,†and Dumbledore promised himself to relive this moment in his Pensieve so he could growl at this boy instead and not affect the reality of things, “Do what you want.â€
“It’ll be my pleasure, Headmaster,†Harry promised, and by the mischievous look in his eyes, Dumbledore instantly knew it wasn’t going to be pleasant. Judging by the terrified expressions that had appeared on several of the Hogwarts students’ faces, they had realised this as well, and one second-year Hufflepuff had even let out a scream of terror before she collapsed in a dead faint.
---
Harry Potter seemed to have a talent for runecraft, but Dumbledore dazedly thought he had an even greater talent for disorder. If it weren’t for the headache he had from having hit the floor hard, he might have disciplined the thoughts in his head. As it was, he chuckled at the greatly-stretched pun he could find in speculating ‘the power he knows not’ as being Disorder versus the Death Eaters.
With a slight groan, he got up and looked at that damnable thing that had just thrown him to the floor, and this time he really did growl. The erstwhile Ravenclaw had constructed a line around the Goblet that was simply genius, with layers and layers of intricacies, and that was where it became a problem. The recursive anchor ward was written in a mixture of old Sumerian and Voynich, with the lines of each character overlapping with the next, forming the centre of a hub-and-spoke that held a straight line of runes extending out another few feet from the centre ward every thirty degrees around the centre.
It had taken Dumbledore hours to study it, and he hadn’t made the slightest bit of headway (never mind the fact that where the hell had Potter even learned Sumerian and Voynich from?!). In a pique of foolishness, he had decided to attempt to cross the ward, only to get thrown back.
Well, at least he wasn’t the only one. Not only had every student except for a single person specialising in her NEWT year, a Greek student studying at Durmstrang. It had taken her twelve hours to make it past.
It might even have been funny except that now he needed to find another Defense professor. He winced. Not only had the ward line knocked out Barty Crouch Jr. while he attempted to cross in the middle of the night, while at the same time instantly dispelling his polyjuice, it had somehow caused his real leg and eye to meld around Mad-Eye Moody’s false eye and prosthetic, causing the presumed Death Eater to come back to the waking world with a shriek that had set off the paintings and ghosts, bringing the teachers to the Hall quickly enough. After that, Dumbledore had finally decided to take a look at the rune line to make sure nothing in it was fatal or permanently debilitating. He could only tolerate the young Potter’s eccentricities so far.
Ah, speaking of Harry, “Didn’t I say only students of the age of seventeen were allowed to enter?†Dumbledore reprimanded him as he saw the definitely-under-seventeen Ravenclaw walk through the ward line with a skip, dropping a piece of paper into the Goblet. He then attempted to swallow his own tongue to try thwarting his brain’s rebellious decision to suicide by saying such things aloud to somebody who personified the line between genius and insanity.
“Ah, but Headmaster, did you see the curves on that Durmstrang girl, Katalina?†Harry responded as he turned around, a dreamy look on his face. “Being in the tournament with her gives me a reason to talk with her, snog, engage in long, two-sided talks until three in the morning by the fireplace about the benefits of cuneiform versus carved tablets for runes, snog, practice runes some more by using them to fend off her angry parents, and snog!â€
Dumbledore groaned again as he saw the positively vibrant Harry, lovesick at the prospect of a fellow Runes fanatic. Why hadn’t he removed all the Runes books from the library the instant he saw how obsessed Harry was with them?! He made to pull at his beard, a nervous tic he thought he had conquered long ago, only to see his facial hair was black.
“Mr. Potter,†Dumbledore slowly began, fearful of what the answer would be, “Why is my beard now black?â€
Harry let out a brief ‘pfft’, then waved his hand around as his eyes narrowed. “Pah, amateurs. I encoded a gift for you, Headmaster, by deaging you forty years.â€
Say what? “Say what?â€
Harry just sighed in exasperation. “Really, Headmaster, it’s all very simple if you look at the third line in Cartesian’s Magical Vectors, reverse Charon’s symbols according to the Second Edict of Chronos, thus reversing the passage of time and death, which causes the hub ward to act as a proto-Zodiac Wheel, all while invoking Clothos’s true name at every third interval-â€
“Just shut up already, you insufferable brat!†The Headmaster finally let out, before he began to bawl for the first time in decades.
On second thought, if he could get Harry and Katalina to hook up, perhaps he could have an easier time convincing Karkaroff to take the boy back with him at the end of the tournament.
---
A Harry Potter who went as a savant Runes genius this Loop around. In the process, even Dumbledore gets sick of his brilliance and pure lunacy, and quite honestly is afraid of him. It took me a little bit to get that magibabble in the last few lines down, though.
“Excuse me, Headmaster,†A voice came out from the four great tables, interrupting him “But I believe you owe me a favour.â€
Dumbledore just groaned. “Can somebody please just take this fucking kid back with you at the end of the year?†He softly pleaded with the headmistress and headmaster of Beuxbatons and Durmstrang beside him.
Both Karkaroff and Madame Maxime startled at his unrefined language, and looked at the person who had just spoken, who was now walking up to the Head Table, bedecked in his bronze and blue house colours. Given Harry Potter’s fame as the Boy Who Lived, the only known survivor of a full-blown Killing Curse, even these two foreigners recognised him at first sight. “Headmaster, you have just stated that the Goblet of Fire determines the best champion for each school, filtering out the less qualified. I would like to reverse that and make it so that if you can merely get your name into the Cup, you are already well-qualified.â€
Dumbledore struggled to keep his body from shaking, he would not show fear in front of Harry Potter, and kept a straight face. “I apologise, Mr. Potter, but while I am sure you would do a good job, that is not what was agreed upon by myself, Headmaster Karkaroff and Headmistress Maxime-â€
“That’s alright,†Harry said, smoothly interjecting, “They owe me favours as well.â€
The elder wizard sighed, and finally let his trembling knees give in as he sat back down into this throne. “Does he really?†He asked his counterparts sitting to either side of him. It took a great deal of effort to repress a groan as the two nodded. Their silence told him he didn’t want to know what those favours were, either.
He still doubted they would be more embarrassing than a trade for a controlling stake in a sherbet lemon manufacturer.
“Very well, Mr. Potter,†and Dumbledore promised himself to relive this moment in his Pensieve so he could growl at this boy instead and not affect the reality of things, “Do what you want.â€
“It’ll be my pleasure, Headmaster,†Harry promised, and by the mischievous look in his eyes, Dumbledore instantly knew it wasn’t going to be pleasant. Judging by the terrified expressions that had appeared on several of the Hogwarts students’ faces, they had realised this as well, and one second-year Hufflepuff had even let out a scream of terror before she collapsed in a dead faint.
---
Harry Potter seemed to have a talent for runecraft, but Dumbledore dazedly thought he had an even greater talent for disorder. If it weren’t for the headache he had from having hit the floor hard, he might have disciplined the thoughts in his head. As it was, he chuckled at the greatly-stretched pun he could find in speculating ‘the power he knows not’ as being Disorder versus the Death Eaters.
With a slight groan, he got up and looked at that damnable thing that had just thrown him to the floor, and this time he really did growl. The erstwhile Ravenclaw had constructed a line around the Goblet that was simply genius, with layers and layers of intricacies, and that was where it became a problem. The recursive anchor ward was written in a mixture of old Sumerian and Voynich, with the lines of each character overlapping with the next, forming the centre of a hub-and-spoke that held a straight line of runes extending out another few feet from the centre ward every thirty degrees around the centre.
It had taken Dumbledore hours to study it, and he hadn’t made the slightest bit of headway (never mind the fact that where the hell had Potter even learned Sumerian and Voynich from?!). In a pique of foolishness, he had decided to attempt to cross the ward, only to get thrown back.
Well, at least he wasn’t the only one. Not only had every student except for a single person specialising in her NEWT year, a Greek student studying at Durmstrang. It had taken her twelve hours to make it past.
It might even have been funny except that now he needed to find another Defense professor. He winced. Not only had the ward line knocked out Barty Crouch Jr. while he attempted to cross in the middle of the night, while at the same time instantly dispelling his polyjuice, it had somehow caused his real leg and eye to meld around Mad-Eye Moody’s false eye and prosthetic, causing the presumed Death Eater to come back to the waking world with a shriek that had set off the paintings and ghosts, bringing the teachers to the Hall quickly enough. After that, Dumbledore had finally decided to take a look at the rune line to make sure nothing in it was fatal or permanently debilitating. He could only tolerate the young Potter’s eccentricities so far.
Ah, speaking of Harry, “Didn’t I say only students of the age of seventeen were allowed to enter?†Dumbledore reprimanded him as he saw the definitely-under-seventeen Ravenclaw walk through the ward line with a skip, dropping a piece of paper into the Goblet. He then attempted to swallow his own tongue to try thwarting his brain’s rebellious decision to suicide by saying such things aloud to somebody who personified the line between genius and insanity.
“Ah, but Headmaster, did you see the curves on that Durmstrang girl, Katalina?†Harry responded as he turned around, a dreamy look on his face. “Being in the tournament with her gives me a reason to talk with her, snog, engage in long, two-sided talks until three in the morning by the fireplace about the benefits of cuneiform versus carved tablets for runes, snog, practice runes some more by using them to fend off her angry parents, and snog!â€
Dumbledore groaned again as he saw the positively vibrant Harry, lovesick at the prospect of a fellow Runes fanatic. Why hadn’t he removed all the Runes books from the library the instant he saw how obsessed Harry was with them?! He made to pull at his beard, a nervous tic he thought he had conquered long ago, only to see his facial hair was black.
“Mr. Potter,†Dumbledore slowly began, fearful of what the answer would be, “Why is my beard now black?â€
Harry let out a brief ‘pfft’, then waved his hand around as his eyes narrowed. “Pah, amateurs. I encoded a gift for you, Headmaster, by deaging you forty years.â€
Say what? “Say what?â€
Harry just sighed in exasperation. “Really, Headmaster, it’s all very simple if you look at the third line in Cartesian’s Magical Vectors, reverse Charon’s symbols according to the Second Edict of Chronos, thus reversing the passage of time and death, which causes the hub ward to act as a proto-Zodiac Wheel, all while invoking Clothos’s true name at every third interval-â€
“Just shut up already, you insufferable brat!†The Headmaster finally let out, before he began to bawl for the first time in decades.
On second thought, if he could get Harry and Katalina to hook up, perhaps he could have an easier time convincing Karkaroff to take the boy back with him at the end of the tournament.
---
A Harry Potter who went as a savant Runes genius this Loop around. In the process, even Dumbledore gets sick of his brilliance and pure lunacy, and quite honestly is afraid of him. It took me a little bit to get that magibabble in the last few lines down, though.
"How many times has it been already, Tom?" The wild-eyed man asked, gripping his wand in his left hand, quickly taking in the overturned shrapnel that littered the streets. Behind him, the front wall of one of Diagon Alley's premier stores was gone, victim of an overpowered blasting curse that had sent one of the plaza's statues crashing through, wrecking its wares.
"Three times we fought in the beginning, before time sublime," His opponent said, caging his reference to their original timeline before the loops started in vague poetry. Even with the Alley evacuated as his own followers and the Order's had fought and retreated, he could sense a few observers cowering behind charmed windows, intending to watch what might be a fight to conclude the war, even if they did not realise it: people knew of the name of Lord Voldemort, but only a handful knew he was born Tom Marvolo Riddle, had aged very gracefully, sporting good looks even into his early fifties. "Since then...I have lost track, Alastor."
"As have I," Alastor Moody admitted, satisfied with the position he had staked out. "Well then, shall we provide our spectators with something to dethrone '45 as 'the greatest duel ever fought between wizards'?"
"I'm ready whenever you are, old friend," Voldemort spat out the last two words in an odd mix of sarcasm, irony and general kinsmanship.
The two gave each other a brief bow, before out came their wands, and two flashes of pale green light crossed the length of the Alley.
"Three times we fought in the beginning, before time sublime," His opponent said, caging his reference to their original timeline before the loops started in vague poetry. Even with the Alley evacuated as his own followers and the Order's had fought and retreated, he could sense a few observers cowering behind charmed windows, intending to watch what might be a fight to conclude the war, even if they did not realise it: people knew of the name of Lord Voldemort, but only a handful knew he was born Tom Marvolo Riddle, had aged very gracefully, sporting good looks even into his early fifties. "Since then...I have lost track, Alastor."
"As have I," Alastor Moody admitted, satisfied with the position he had staked out. "Well then, shall we provide our spectators with something to dethrone '45 as 'the greatest duel ever fought between wizards'?"
"I'm ready whenever you are, old friend," Voldemort spat out the last two words in an odd mix of sarcasm, irony and general kinsmanship.
The two gave each other a brief bow, before out came their wands, and two flashes of pale green light crossed the length of the Alley.
Okay its been a year, but this forum is getting low on non-pic threads being updated so since I have an idea I will toss it.
--
Harry was... Confused.
At the head table was a girl, maybe seventeen years old. He looked further and noted that the Slytheirn table was completely empty, as far as he could notice none of the death eaters that were his senior years were even in the room. Odder still was the fact that the people who should have been Slytheirn were at other tables.
He still looked around as everyone was gathering to be sorted and the Head... Mistress? be introduced. Quarrel was not where the DADA professor was.
Under his breath he muttered, "I wonder if this is because I tried teaching the Neko-ken to Fluffy?" The worst of it he did manage it.
He snapped to attention as the Headmistress went to speak, "Greetings everyone to Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry. I am the new Headmistress Mary Sue, and this is the new DADA professor, my brother, Gary Sue. I do hope that returning students do remember the rules. And I will remind everyone that problems only need to be solved once. McGonagall if you will start the sorting."
Harry knew full well what a Mary Sue was. This now meant two things, no disasters trying to kill him, and no disasters of his own making. "This is going to be a boring seven years."
Draco walked up beside him. "No doubt, and yes I am looping, and yes I agree that there will be no fun here."
Harry looked at him.
Draco sighed, "My father apparently suffered a feedback from the darkmark. Everyone who had it did. Even with it being my father nobody will tell me. The same is true for everyone. Anyone with one is somewhere getting medical attention. Though nobody knows where. Even Snape."
Harry glanced and realized that he was right. He had over looked that detail with Slytheirn gone.
Hermione also joined them tapping her book, "She was Ravenclaw."
Harry furrowed his eyebrows "Think she is a Dark Lord?"
Draco nodded, "I am going Puff this time."
The others agreed. Dark Lord Potter of Hufflepuff was a requirement this time. She who must not me named must be stopped.
--
Some may not get the reference but a Mary Sue character is someone (usually female) that solves most/every problem with little to no effort on contact. Gary Sue (sometimes Gary Stew or similar) is the male version.
And now, she is the perfect foil to Harry Potter the looper.
--
Harry was... Confused.
At the head table was a girl, maybe seventeen years old. He looked further and noted that the Slytheirn table was completely empty, as far as he could notice none of the death eaters that were his senior years were even in the room. Odder still was the fact that the people who should have been Slytheirn were at other tables.
He still looked around as everyone was gathering to be sorted and the Head... Mistress? be introduced. Quarrel was not where the DADA professor was.
Under his breath he muttered, "I wonder if this is because I tried teaching the Neko-ken to Fluffy?" The worst of it he did manage it.
He snapped to attention as the Headmistress went to speak, "Greetings everyone to Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry. I am the new Headmistress Mary Sue, and this is the new DADA professor, my brother, Gary Sue. I do hope that returning students do remember the rules. And I will remind everyone that problems only need to be solved once. McGonagall if you will start the sorting."
Harry knew full well what a Mary Sue was. This now meant two things, no disasters trying to kill him, and no disasters of his own making. "This is going to be a boring seven years."
Draco walked up beside him. "No doubt, and yes I am looping, and yes I agree that there will be no fun here."
Harry looked at him.
Draco sighed, "My father apparently suffered a feedback from the darkmark. Everyone who had it did. Even with it being my father nobody will tell me. The same is true for everyone. Anyone with one is somewhere getting medical attention. Though nobody knows where. Even Snape."
Harry glanced and realized that he was right. He had over looked that detail with Slytheirn gone.
Hermione also joined them tapping her book, "She was Ravenclaw."
Harry furrowed his eyebrows "Think she is a Dark Lord?"
Draco nodded, "I am going Puff this time."
The others agreed. Dark Lord Potter of Hufflepuff was a requirement this time. She who must not me named must be stopped.
--
Some may not get the reference but a Mary Sue character is someone (usually female) that solves most/every problem with little to no effort on contact. Gary Sue (sometimes Gary Stew or similar) is the male version.
And now, she is the perfect foil to Harry Potter the looper.
Didn't seem to belong anywhere else, so why not put it here?
"Harry, I swear to whatever dark gods exist in this world that if you ever pull something that insane again, I will personally castrate you!" Hermionehissed at the green eyed wizard. She didn't care that people at the table were staring at them. He needed to know exactly his displeased she was at the moment.
"Go ahead Hermione." Harry said with a devil may care grin.
"Don't think that begging will- what?" Hermione trailed off, confused.
"Found a spell in the Black Library to have them grow back. Bigger and tougher than what came before them. Also keeps me from feeling the excurciating pain that would accompany it."
"I- I..." Hermione stuttered.
"Apparently there was an old Black legend centered around it. Apparently old Equus Black was forced by some other family to marry their shrew of a daughter. She quite enjoyed making threats in that direction, so to spite her, he created this spell to throw it back in her face and spent most of his life playing the Casanova of the wizarding world."
"Where did you think the phrase hung like a horse came from?" harry asked curiously, "From what I read, Equss needed custom made trousers with an extra leg in it before the first year was out. By the time he died, they had to dig a grave nearly three times as deep to make it work."
Hermione just stared at him.
"And just how did he enjoy his... assets when they reached that size?" Hermioen couldn't help but ask.
"Well some people say he started blowing it off himself when it got too cumbersome, when he had important meetings and didn't want to embarrass whoever was coming over, but it was also around that time that the first of the halfbreeds like half giants started appearing."
"So go ahead Hermione. Do what you got to do, just know that my legend will grow larger, more powerful, and more awe inspiring, just like my magical, throbbing c-"
"I get it! I get it!" Hermione said, covering his mouth as nearly every head in the Great hall was turned towards them. Harry might have stopped giving a damn, but Hermione still had some modicum of shame. Covering her face lest she die of it, Hermione plotted to find a way to make him suffer for this, even if it took a thousand loops to concoct.
She flushed a brighter red. Perhaps she should have chosen a different word.
"Harry, I swear to whatever dark gods exist in this world that if you ever pull something that insane again, I will personally castrate you!" Hermionehissed at the green eyed wizard. She didn't care that people at the table were staring at them. He needed to know exactly his displeased she was at the moment.
"Go ahead Hermione." Harry said with a devil may care grin.
"Don't think that begging will- what?" Hermione trailed off, confused.
"Found a spell in the Black Library to have them grow back. Bigger and tougher than what came before them. Also keeps me from feeling the excurciating pain that would accompany it."
"I- I..." Hermione stuttered.
"Apparently there was an old Black legend centered around it. Apparently old Equus Black was forced by some other family to marry their shrew of a daughter. She quite enjoyed making threats in that direction, so to spite her, he created this spell to throw it back in her face and spent most of his life playing the Casanova of the wizarding world."
"Where did you think the phrase hung like a horse came from?" harry asked curiously, "From what I read, Equss needed custom made trousers with an extra leg in it before the first year was out. By the time he died, they had to dig a grave nearly three times as deep to make it work."
Hermione just stared at him.
"And just how did he enjoy his... assets when they reached that size?" Hermioen couldn't help but ask.
"Well some people say he started blowing it off himself when it got too cumbersome, when he had important meetings and didn't want to embarrass whoever was coming over, but it was also around that time that the first of the halfbreeds like half giants started appearing."
"So go ahead Hermione. Do what you got to do, just know that my legend will grow larger, more powerful, and more awe inspiring, just like my magical, throbbing c-"
"I get it! I get it!" Hermione said, covering his mouth as nearly every head in the Great hall was turned towards them. Harry might have stopped giving a damn, but Hermione still had some modicum of shame. Covering her face lest she die of it, Hermione plotted to find a way to make him suffer for this, even if it took a thousand loops to concoct.
She flushed a brighter red. Perhaps she should have chosen a different word.