Naruto Making Uzumaki (rewrite) Chapter 5

[Psyckosama]

Now this was what being a ninja was about, Naruto thought to himself. When Haku had said she was going to Zabuza's hidden base next, to look for supplies and equipment, he'd felt a bit excited. It wasn't every day you got to a chance to find a secret base ninja base and rifle through the drawers. Now, while he knew that all he was really doing we helping Haku gather stuff, that by all rights, was her property considering Zabuza had pretty much said she got everything, in all honesty he instead preferred to pretend at least to himself that he was on some super secret ninja mission. It was more fun that way.

Not that he'd say that to Haku. He didn't want to make it look like he was belittling her loss or anything, but as a child he'd been forced to learn methods to throw a happy face on even the most depressing circumstances. It was a hard earned skill that had all but saved his sanity. The hatred of the villagers became simply another challenge, a test on the path to becoming Hokage. The scorn of his classmates he explained to himself as them being jealous because he was so damned cool. The teachers not bothering to give him any time? That was okay, its not like those idiots had much to show him anyways. Even Sakura's loud, constant, and violent rejection was due to... well... those dirty novels said girls played hard to get, right?

It was to the point that this wasn't even self-justification anymore, it had become an automatic defense mechanism to which he was only vaguely aware of and it was something that he really didn't like to think about. After all, what was the point of tricking yourself into smiling through adversity if you just turned around and told yourself that it was all bullshit?

It was just better to not think at all. After all thinking leads introspection. Introspect leads to truth. Truth makes you face reality. And facing reality meant endangering the delicate house of cards that had basically been propping up his sense of self-worth for most of his youth. Given the choice of seeing this as an intensely personal moment of loss, recollection, and introspect where they gathered the worldly belongings of her dead father, and an awesome mission to a missing nin's former hideout to help Haku out, he'd take the delusions thank you very much much. It kept him from having to think.

So it was with that mindset that he passed through the final grove of trees and found himself looking at what was possibly the most awesome building he’d ever seen.

It was large, very large, far larger than what anyone would ever consider to be possible in the dense, forest swamps that made up a good chunk of Nami’s coastlines. It looked like if nothing else, a giant conus sea shell, the kind that had a large cone up top, and a smaller cone on the bottom. Instead, of being build into foundations like a normal building it seemed to be supported by the trees that surrounded it with only the bottom tip of the small cone touching the ground. Thick suspension cables anchored it to the ancient trees, serving to both keep the building stable and to serve as a series of bridges that extended off into the woods.

This was a truly unique structure that was obviously created by ninja for ninja. It was, again, the most awesome building that Naruto had ever seen.

“Awesome!” he exclaimed, stopping in the trees to look at Haku. “How did you guys get such a cool hideout?”

Haku smiled. “We found it. It’s an old hidden village outpost that was left abandoned decades ago.”

Naruto’s already manic grin grew even more. An abandoned secret base! Who knew what awesome stuff could still be hidden in there!

Glancing back, probably to see what was holding Naruto up, Haku looked at him and said, “Lets go.”

Naruto nodded. “Alright, Haku-chan!”

Haku deftly leapt onto the massive trunk of one of the trees, landing just below one of the bridges. She slid to a stop against the bare trunk, using her hands and chakra to bond to stick to it before planting her feet and walking up the side as if it were simply a path.

Naruto momentarily thanked the kami that he’d had a chance to learn tree climbing before this. The bridge was at least a hundred feet off the ground, there were absolutely no low branches, and the trunk was smooth enough that there were virtually no finger holds. Chakra seemed to be the only way to climb. It would have been humiliating if he’d had to ask Haku to carry him, or even worse, muck around in the slimy swamp below and look to see if there was a back door.

Naruto followed her onto one of the suspension bridges, almost jumping in place, muttering to himself about how cool this was when Haku’s arm suddenly shot out in front of him.

“Naruto,” she all but hissed. “Be quite.”

“Huh?” Naruto blinked. He knew Haku was nice so he wouldn’t take it the wrong way, but he had to know, “What’s up Haku-chan?”

She frowned. “Something isn’t right here. The door was left open...”

Naruto’s eyes narrowed. Yeah, he had been too busy focusing on how cool the place was that he’d missed obvious signs. The door was sitting slightly open and that was kind of odd.

“I see,” he whispered slipping into what, at least for him, passed as serious. “We gonna check it out?”

She nodded and formed a pair of ice senbon. “I’ll take the lead, Naruto-kun.”

He nodded and followed. Slowly, and silently they walked down the bridge to the entrance taking great care not to make a sound. She was really good, Naruto observed as he followed. He’d always been pretty good at the stealthy stuff and felt he had the right to judge. After all, how else could he get away with half the pranks that he’d managed to pull off over the years.

Still though, he had to keep his mind on task. Who knew what kind of bad guy ninja could be right through that door, waiting and...

His eyes narrowed.

Naruto’s arm rocked out and grabbed Haku’s wrist moments before she started to push on the open door.

She froze and glanced at him. She looked intense, and maybe a bit annoyed, but where Sakura would have probably hit him, she simply asked him, “What?”

Naruto gently pulled her back and lifted his hand to signal that she needed to wait.

Haku nodded and did as he bid her without complaint, looking a bit puzzled by allowing him to do his thing.

He glanced at the door frame for a moment and scowled. Slowly he pulled away a kunai and very gently brushed a leaf away from the bottom of the jam. There, wedged carefully in the bottom of the hinge, almost invisible to the untrained eye was a small trigger.

It was a simple but elegant one that he’d used many a time himself that almost never failed to work. Especially when part of a... he smiled and looked up. Just as he thought. Almost never failed to work when part of a double fake out.

Somebody here knew how to prank....

“What is it?” Haku asked.

“Double fake out substitution trap,” Naruto replied. “There’s a trigger line hidden in the door jam and something balanced on the top of the door frame.”

Haku blinked almost dumbfounded. “How did you...”

Naruto gently shushed her. “I need to concentrate.”

She nodded obediently.

He paused and muttered, “Kage Bunshin no Jutsu.”

Two more Naruto’s appeared in place and looked at each other with a nod.

“Right boss,” the first said as they stepped up to the door.

The first knelt down and started pressing into the side of the trigger with a Kunai to hold it in place, while the second looked over to naruto and said, “Hey, you might want to get Haku-chan away from here, just in case.”

Naruto nodded and grabbed Haku’s hand. “We need to step away.”

She blinked still a little dumbfounded, if only for a moment, before slipping back into fine control. “Why?”

“The problem with other people’s pranks is you can’t ever be sure of what you haven’t seen. Might want to leave it to the experts.”

Clone one saluted before making a shooing motion.

Haku nodded and jumped into the trees, allowing Naruto to follow.

Once they were in some cover the first clone reached up into the door jam and slowly pushed the door forward. Meanwhile the second changed his grip from holding the trigger with the side of his Kunai to pinning it to the jam with the tip.

And happily, nothing happened.

Number one glanced in, scowled and stepped around the door. A moment later he emerged and gave number two a nod, after which the clone vanished in a burst of Chakra smoke.

Naruto dropped down and glanced at the clone. “So, what are we looking at?”

“Sure as hell wasn’t itching powder,” The clone muttered, holding out two small stacks of explosive tags.

Naruto frowned, almost insulted at the idea of the glorious art of pranking being perverted into something that caused harm in place of humor. “Bastards.”

He glanced at the tags. While he was no expert in seals, to put it gently. For some reason nobody trusted him with them, he had a feeling that there was something strange with the seals on them. Carefully ficking deeper into stack he noticed the top ones were different than all the others.

Something in his gut said that they were probably something like impact sensitive flash seals designed to set off the others.

“By the way,” the clone added, “It was a triple. The trigger line was hooked up to a trip line just incase.”

Naruto frowned. Ambitious, but overly ambitious. Sloppy. It made the trap harder and more dangerous to set up. Would have been better just to use another trap. Somebody was good, but not as good as he thought he was.

“Alright, take those two and dump them into the swamp,” he commanded to the clone who vanished with a quick nod.

Glancing back to his pretty companion he grinned. “Haku-chan, we should be in the clear for now.”

“Naruto,” she asked calmly, “What the hell was that?”

He laughed, “Hey, you’re talkin’ to the prankster king of Konohagakure, dattebayo! I’ve used this one more times than I can count. It’s pretty decent, but if you know what to look for...”

She blinked. “Why didn’t you tell me you were a traps expert?”

Naruto blinked. “Traps? I’m no expert. I’m pretty good at pulling pranks, that’s all.”

“You saw through this one like it was nothing,” she stated.

Naruto blushed. He didn’t get what the big deal was. “It really wasn’t much... I don’t use super cool ninja traps or anything, I just prank people when they’re being jerks.”

Haku shook her head. “Naruto... I...” she sighed, “We don’t have time for this right now. Lets go.” she replied before adding, “I want you to keep an eye out for any more... ‘pranks’.”

Naruto blinked for a moment, confused. He still didn’t get it. As much as he’d like to think otherwise, throwing paint on the enemy wouldn’t be useful in a ninja fight. Still, he’d do ask she asked.

5

Somebody was going to suffer. Haku seethed to herself as she burst from her master’s hidden HQ with the force and fury of a bat out of hell.

The entire place had been ransacked. Weapons, equipment, cash, even some of their clothing. Everything of value that wasn’t nailed down was missing, hell, several of the more impressive fixtures that were nailed down we’re missing.

She had some suspicions as to who did this. The explosive tags might be a giveaway, but no, she refused to let herself consider it. Maybe Zabuza was right, maybe she trusted a little too easily. On the same note, she could be completely wrong. It was a bit of a gamble, but considering the sheer amount that had been stolen, she couldn’t afford to second guess.

Besides, did it really matter? She was going to hunt down those the bastards who stole from her and throttle the stupid out of them.

“Haku,” Naruto exclaimed, “What’s the...”

She shot him a dark look. “I need a kunai.”

“Huh?”

“Please, Naruto-kun.”

Naruto paused for a moment then nodded holding one out. “Alright here, but are you going to explain what...”

“No time!” she snapped, scanning the trees. A slight disruption in the branch cover, heading towards the sea told her all she needed to know. They were kind enough to have left a rather obvious path. To her at least, but there again she was a trained tracking nin so she knew what to look for. Of course so were most of her enemies, so if she could find your trail, they could find your trail, and in that case, not good enough.

If Zabuza would have beaten anyone who left a that sloppy senseless on general principle.

She grinned viciously as she jumped into the woods. She’d just have to do so in her sensei’s memory!

There was something to be said about anger how it affected your Chakra levels. It let you draw deeper than you normally could have was and source of power that most people didn’t consider. There was a reason for that, too. Running on rage burnt you out like nothing else, but right now she was pretty close to spent already. She was sure she’d feel this in about an hour, but she didn’t have time to make questions. She needed to move.

If only they hadn’t found the soldier pills that she kept in her underwear drawer.

Her thoughts froze for a moment before her anger doubled up. They went through her underwear drawer.

Thats it! Heads would roll for this!

5 5

Haku was scarier than Sakura when she was mad. Of this Uzumaki Naruto had no doubts.

For the past 5 minutes they’d been charging head long into the swamps at her best speed, darting this way and that as she tracked whatever had looted her home with the clear intent of laying some some serious punishment.

He didn’t know what was up really. From the looks of things it was ninja but if it was those hunter nin she was worried about it would probably have been better just to wait for her to show up, not rob the place and run. Did Gato have other ninja on his payroll or something?

Naruto hoped not because with Haku in her current condition he doubted she’d be much good in a fight and if there was one thing that the last couple days had made clear to him, while he was good he wasn’t as good as he thought he was. Without Kakashi-sensei, this could be a really hard fight!

His eyes narrowed when in the distance he saw an approaching clearing. Right. He grinned. Time to get wild!

The two bust from the swamp onto a soggy shoreline. The seas were clear, the sky was bright, and in the distance one could see the hazy silhouette of the distant coastline of Hi no Kuni. If it wasn’t for the fact they were standing in front of a muddy stinking swamp it would have been a really nice view.

“Damn it,” Haku cursed.

“I think they got away,” Naruto replied. “I mean I don’t see any ninja around here I...”

Haku glanced over and looked down at the shoreline. “Hold on a moment, Naruto-kun.”

Naruto blinked. “Huh?”

She glanced at him. “Time for a quick lesson.”

That got his immediate attention.

“Do you see this?” she asked, pointing down at a shallow, water logged rut in the sand, with some shallow foot prints at the very water’s edge.

Naruto nodded. “Yeah. What does it mean?”

She looked at him. “What do you think it means?”

He frowned and furrowed his brow. He wasn’t sure. He narrowed his eyes and thought about it. Looks like something heavy and narrow on the bottom was being drug into the water. Like a boat or something...

They were pulling a boat! And he knew it was more than one because there were foot prints on both sides. In fact one side seemed to have more foot prints than the others and...

He smiled. “Three sets of foot prints and a boat.”

She smiled. “Very good. Now look out on the water. Do you see any boats with three people on them?”

He looked out and narrowed his eyes. “I see some boats but I can’t tell the number of people. They’re too far away...”

She continued to smile. “Very good, Naruto. Now you just have to go out there and find which one.”

Naruto frowned. Was she serious? “Um, Haku-chan, you sure that’s a good idea... I really don’t want to see your stuff get stolen, but I can’t swim all that!”

“So you don’t want me to teach you Funryuu no Jutsu?”

Naruto’s eyes narrowed even as his face twisted into a grin. Awesome new jutsu detected. Bribe accepted. Learning immediately required.

“Okay, but...” he looked out to the water, “But that’s a lot of boats.”

She smiled. “Oh, this is a simple Jutsu and one I think you’re very well suited.”

He blinked. “Huh? Really?”

She smiled and nodded. “I wanted to teach you water walking first, but I guess this is as good a time as any. The Water Jet Technique is a method of faster underwater movement. As you’ve already figured out the Kirigakure no Jutsu and have been trained in tree climbing you should already know the core basics. Because of its massive Chakra consumption most ninja do not learn it before becoming Chunin, but as your problem seems to be too much power, you’re probably not going to have any problems with it.”

Naruto blinked. Okay, that wasn’t that awesome a technique. It was cool and all to be faster underwater but he’d kinda been hoping for something that exploded. He paused in thought. Did they have a block of elemental sodium in water no jutsu? Because if so he had to learn it.

“You simply form a single U seal to help mold your chakra into water and then propel it out of your feet. Instead of trying to stick like you did to the tree you try and push it away from your feet like a steam. It’ll propel you underwater at high speeds without having to swim.”

“Hey,” he asked, pulling his mind away from his momentary tangent, “That sounds real easy! Why were you going to wait to teach me?”

“Because its dangerous. If you use it poorly you could drowned. I wanted to wait until you were safe around water or at least I had enough chakra to pull you out if I had to.”

He frowned. That made sense but it made him wonder. “Then why tell me now? I mean I can’t exactly learn this safe just like that.”

“No,” she admitted, “And I don’t want to see you playing with it before you’re ready, but your Shadow Clones on the other hand...”

Naruto blinked. Yeah. Good point. He smiled. Nobody cared if some stupid clones drowned or something.

“So I use that move and go looking at all the boats to find the one with three ninja on it?”

“Not quite,” she replied. “You see that boat?” She pointed to one of the many.

Naruto blinked and looked at it. To him it looked just like, well, a boat. Not that he’d seen many boats before.

“That is a smaller boat than the others.”

He narrowed his eyes for a moment and frowned. “I don’t see it. It looks about the same size as the others...”

“Look carefully,” she replied, “Unlike most of the others it doesn’t have a mast and you can make out the vague silhouette of human figures. It’s an optical illusion. The others are probably several times the size but much more distant.”

“Ah,” Naruto replied. “That makes sense. So I check to see if there are three ninja on it?”

“Yes, though they’ll probably be under Henge. If there are three people on it, its probably the right boat. If they’re arguing like three morons, then it is most definitely the right boat.”

“Oh” He blinked. “So what do I do with it when I get there?”

She smirked. “Sink it. They can swim.”
[hr]
Now with 100% original content!

 

[KurokamiDG]

“Naruto,” she all but hissed. “Be quite.”

Bit of a spelling error here.

After all, how else could he get away with half the pranks that he’d managed to pull off over the years.

I think there should be a question mark here if this is a rhetorical question.

If Zabuza would have beaten anyone who left a that sloppy senseless on general principle.

It took a while to figure out what you were saying in this, but I think it would make more sense if it was changed to this:

Zabuza would've beaten anyone who left a trail that sloppy senseless on general principle.

It let you draw deeper than you normally could have was and source of power that most people didn’t consider.

'and was another source of power' would make more sense.

If you use it poorly you could drowned.

spelling error here.

Anyway, I'm really liking the new content in this one.

 

[Psyckosama]

*poke*poke*

This is my first all new content and I could really use some thoughts on it...

 

[Fellgrave]

I've never been good with comments... so... I liked it. Other than the few errors KkDG pointed out, I don't think there was anything that caught my eye.

Hmm... actually, going back over it, I quite liked how Naruto's prank talents came into play. I can't wait to see what Haku does with them later on.

 

[lord geryon]

The only real thing I have to comment on was in the last chapter. It's obvious that you've changed the Uzumaki from a legal technicality to them being a full, recognized clan, judging from the way people responded to his name and Tsunami asking after it. I'm curious to see where you're going with it.

 

[FinalMax]

I think the major change was in the incorporation of canon lore. Mainly that the Uzumaki used to have a country around where Wave is. So by using that, we can change mere hero worship to something far more reverent. The prodigal son returning home, or something akin to King Arthur returning from Avalon.

 

[KurokamiDG]

I can say that Naruto's reasoning for acting the way he does is much more plausible than THE MASKâ„¢. It actually fits better with his canon counterpart pre-Shippuden too in my opinion,

 

[Psyckosama]

I've never been good with comments... so... I liked it. Other than the few errors KkDG pointed out, I don't think there was anything that caught my eye.

Hmm... actually, going back over it, I quite liked how Naruto's prank talents came into play. I can't wait to see what Haku does with them later on.

Ironically Haku's isn't going to be able to do much with it. Naruto's skill with traps is far superior to her own. Honestly, her plan is going to be to keep her head down and avoid the reign of terror.

After all, he's been letting his talents go to seed the last month or so. He might be losing his edge with what is now known to be his most badass set of super awesome ninja skills. That is unacceptable. He needs to practice... :evil:

The only real thing I have to comment on was in the last chapter. It's obvious that you've changed the Uzumaki from a legal technicality to them being a full, recognized clan, judging from the way people responded to his name and Tsunami asking after it. I'm curious to see where you're going with it.

Final max pretty much has it

I think the major change was in the incorporation of canon lore. Mainly that the Uzumaki used to have a country around where Wave is. So by using that, we can change mere hero worship to something far more reverent. The prodigal son returning home, or something akin to King Arthur returning from Avalon.

Exactly. I'm loathe to explain what, spoilers and all, but on that last one there's something coming up that will seem very ironic that I think you'll enjoy.

I can say that Naruto's reasoning for acting the way he does is much more plausible than THE MASKâ„¢. It actually fits better with his canon counterpart pre-Shippuden too in my opinion,

I never bought the mask. I mean its one thing to pretend to be happy, but he's not just wearing a mask he's become the mask.

Frankly, Naruto's always struck me as being fantastically intelligent, the kind of rare ninja genius who given the right support could have come out of the academy with a skill level more comparable to a rookie jonin than a rookie genin. When he's willing to learn, he learns with extreme speed and a dedication that would move Gai to tears.

The problem is that also means that his social isolation was even worse. For him the hell of loneliness was literally a hell because his mind picked up on every detail and was screaming for the kind stimulation that was denied to him.

To keep from going mad, he literally had to turn off his brain and avoid anything that would make him think. The loud buffoon act was because it attractive the attention he craved so badly, even though it was negative and his self-delusions were basically his way of telling himself "I didn't need all those jerks anyway!".

IMHO the training mission was actually the worst thing that could have happened. Jiraiya while a genius instructor wasn't what he needed. He needed a wider base of social contact to help get him going. While he wasn't as bad in Part 2 he was never given a real chance to entirely shake the habit because he never really got the acknowledgment and support that he would have needed.

So in general I think the mask is the foundation but it goes deeper. To keep up the mask he had to turn off his mind. Once he turned off his mind, he became the mask. Once he became the mask his potential was reduced by his new-found raging stupidity.

I'm going to have his stealth and traps ability be absolutely terrifying, mainly because it was one of the few things he actually let himself THINK about and focus on without drowning it out with the endless mind numbing mantra of... "I'M GONNA BE HOKAGE! I'M GONNA BE HOKAGE! I'M GONNA BE HOKAGE!"

 

[lord geryon]

I'm going to have his stealth and traps ability be absolutely terrifying, mainly because it was one of the few things he actually let himself THINK about and focus on without drowning it out with the endless mind numbing mantra of... "I'M GONNA BE HOKAGE! I'M GONNA BE HOKAGE! I'M GONNA BE HOKAGE!"

Naruto is gonna be Creed.

 

[Fellgrave]

I'm going to have his stealth and traps ability be absolutely terrifying, mainly because it was one of the few things he actually let himself THINK about and focus on without drowning it out with the endless mind numbing mantra of... "I'M GONNA BE HOKAGE! I'M GONNA BE HOKAGE! I'M GONNA BE HOKAGE!"

Naruto is gonna be Creed.

YES.

 

[Psyckosama]

I'm going to have his stealth and traps ability be absolutely terrifying, mainly because it was one of the few things he actually let himself THINK about and focus on without drowning it out with the endless mind numbing mantra of... "I'M GONNA BE HOKAGE! I'M GONNA BE HOKAGE! I'M GONNA BE HOKAGE!"

Naruto is gonna be Creed.

Now I have to at least once have someone scream "UZUMAKIIIIIIIIII!!"

 

[Funkiller]

hmmm so no zabuza genins? I think that's good, I didn't like them because I felt like they started some stupid drama by just existing. their whole purpose of being funny but incompetent yet good in their own unconventional ways felt flat and really kinda forced.

 

[Psyckosama]

hmmm so no zabuza genins? I think that's good, I didn't like them because I felt like they started some stupid drama by just existing. their whole purpose of being funny but incompetent yet good in their own unconventional ways felt flat and really kinda forced.

*cough*

They're in Chapter 6...

Though I've changed them a great deal.

Ah, fuck it. I'll post it up now. Please tell me what you think of the changes.

 

[datakim]

Frankly, Naruto's always struck me as being fantastically intelligent, the kind of rare ninja genius who given the right support could have come out of the academy with a skill level more comparable to a rookie jonin than a rookie genin. When he's willing to learn, he learns with extreme speed and a dedication that would move Gai to tears.

This is something that I think we discussed in DLP before. There are annoying inconsistencies in the way Naruto learns.

He spends 3 years with Jiraiya, and does not even learn of his wind affinity.

Then he creates FRS in what, a week?

Jiraiya has spent decades trying to master Sage Mode and still turns into a half-toad.

Naruto again masters it in a week.

The rasengan is another example, where Naruto learns it incredibly quickly, even if he cheated a bit. Then there are all the things he basically invents on the fly with Kuramas chakra after he gets KCM/BM.

Learning TKB in an hour is something you already pointed out.


I can definitely buy your idea, that Naruto just "stopped thinking" to avoid pain, and that with a good teacher and support structure, he really should thrive.

But now that he has a truly close friend and emotional support in Haku, how will you deal with the risk of quickly creating a super!Naruto. How do you plan to deal with Haku teaching Naruto and supporting/helping him become competent, without turning Naruto into someone that can beat everyone? Especially since you had Kakashi state his plans of abusing Kage Bunshin training?

 

[Psyckosama]

This is something that I think we discussed in DLP before. There are annoying inconsistencies in the way Naruto learns.

Oh yeah.

He spends 3 years with Jiraiya, and does not even learn of his wind affinity.

While he loved Jiraiya, Jiraiya was a very hands off teacher and without someone around to basically hold his hand and make him feel good Naruto basically shrank back into his shell. Basically I believe that while well intentioned, the Training trip was almost but not quite the worst idea they could come up with.

Then he creates FRS in what, a week?

Yep.

Jiraiya has spent decades trying to master Sage Mode and still turns into a half-toad.

Naruto again masters it in a week.

Yep.

The rasengan is another example, where Naruto learns it incredibly quickly, even if he cheated a bit. Then there are all the things he basically invents on the fly with Kuramas chakra after he gets KCM/BM.

Again I agree.

Learning TKB in an hour is something you already pointed out.

It's only the prototypical example.

I can definitely buy your idea, that Naruto just "stopped thinking" to avoid pain, and that with a good teacher and support structure, he really should thrive.

But now that he has a truly close friend and emotional support in Haku, how will you deal with the risk of quickly creating a super!Naruto. How do you plan to deal with Haku teaching Naruto and supporting/helping him become competent, without turning Naruto into someone that can beat everyone? Especially since you had Kakashi state his plans of abusing Kage Bunshin training?

Honestly Naruto is going to become disgustingly strong very fast but he's eventually going to hit the point of diminishing returns... plus there is the fact that he's always going to have Chakra control problems and the fact that learning something and mastering it are two different things all together. Basically for a while he's going to if not plateau, then at least his growth is going to seem linear rather than exponential.

After all, learning a powerful Jutsu in a week isn't going to look so impressive when you already know 150 techniques. Learning Water Recomp isn't as impressive when you already know Wind (and its slower going because its not your natural type). And as for his Uzumaki heritage, Seals are something you master over time, not something you figure out in a weekend.

 

[Knyght]

Naruto thought to himself

Redundant.

It wasn't every day you got to a chance to find a secret base ninja base and rifle through the drawers.

It wasn't every day you got a chance to find a secret ninja base and rifle through the drawers.

Now he knew that all he was really doing was help Haku gather stuff that by all rights was her property considering Zabuza had pretty much said she got everything, but that was boring.

Now he knew that all he was really doing was helping Haku gather her and Zabuza's belongings, but that was boring.

In all honesty he preferred to pretend at least to himself that he was on some super secret ninja mission. It was more fun that way.

Pretending he was on a super secret mission was more fun.

It was a hard earned skill that had all but saved his sanity. The hatred of the villagers became simply another challenge, a test on the path to becoming Hokage. The scorn of his classmates he explained to himself as them being jealous because he was so damned cool. The teachers not bothering to give him any time? That was okay, its not like those idiots had much to show him anyways. Even Sakura's loud, constant, and violent rejection was due to... well... those dirty novels said girls played hard to get, right?

It had reached the point that it wasn't even self-justification anymore, it had become an automatic defense mechanism to which he was only vaguely aware of and it was something that he really didn't like to think about. After all, what was the point of tricking yourself into smiling through adversity if you just turned around and told yourself that it was all bullshit?

It was just better to not think at all. After all thinking leads introspection. Introspect leads to truth. Truth makes one face reality. And facing reality meant endangering the delicate house of cards that had basically been propping up his sense of self-worth for almost as long as he could remember. Given the choice of seeing this as an intensely personal moment of loss, recollection, and respect where they gathered the worldly belongings of her dead father figure, or an awesome mission to a missing nin's former hideout, he'd take the delusions thank you very much. It kept him from having to think.

All this feels like you go off on a tangent and start rambling. We know about about Naruto's past and you covered the "talking instead of thinking" thing last chapter. I'd cut all of this out so we can get to the point.

Instead, of being build into foundations like a normal building it as a giant tree house.

Instead of being built on a foundation like a normal building, it was more like a giant tree house.

It's an old hidden village outpost that was left abandoned decades ago.

I think "an old ninja outpost" or just "an old outpost" works better. The "hidden village" part doesn't seem right here. :hmm:

An abandoned secret base!

I'd italicize "abandoned" for emphasis.

He'd always been pretty good at the stealthy stuff and felt he had the right to judge. After all, how else could he get away with half the pranks that he'd managed to pull off over the years?

The reference to pranking bugs me. It's one of those things that gets blown out of proportion in fanfiction so, even though that's not what you've done, I'd probably prefer it if you only said that he had a knack for stealth.

Somebody here knew how to prank...

"The problem with other people's pranks is you can't ever be sure that you've spotted all of them. Might want to leave it to the experts."

I'm disturbed that whilst breaking into a ninja's base, he thinks "prank" instead of "trap".

Naruto frowned, almost insulted at the idea of the glorious art of pranking being perverted into something that caused harm in place of humor. "Bastards."

Y'know, I was impressed up until this point. He caught sight of a trap that Haku missed and handled it himself to avoid detection; it was probably the most interesting thing Naruto's done as a ninja since the story began. But I had a bad feeling when you mentioned pranking at the start, and it turns out it was justified when you completely undermine the scene by having him label it as a prank. Cut out that line and replace "prank" with "trap" in the earlier two instances and it'd be perfect.


...Reading on further, I see what you're doing and the talk with Haku just makes me sigh. And after skimming through the rest of the scenes, I think I've lost my motivation to continue. I hope my comments and criticisms have been helpful but this story just doesn't work for me. Good luck, anyway.