Akamatsuverse Minifiction

random1377

Well-Known Member
#1
When it's just too short to be a whole story, it's a MINIFICTION!!!!!


Chick Magnet
By Random1377

Su was feeling proud of herself. All those long hours in her lab had paid off, and she finally had something she could prove her intellect while helping Keitaro with his girl problems all at the same time.

Sometimes she was so smart she even scared herself.

"Su, breakfast!"

Su grinned, tucking the device up under her sleeve and skittering up the stairs to the kitchen.

It was time for a test run.

"Morning, Su," Shinobu said brightly. "Yours is the bowl at the end of the table. I gave you extra."

"Oooo thanks!" Su exclaimed, sliding into her seat and gauging the distance between herself and Keitaro.

For 'The Remedy,' as she had dubbed it, the ideal effective range was ten feet, so having Keitaro at five should be even better, since it would increase the device's effectiveness.

She waited until everyone was seated, then slipped the device out of her sleeve and discretely pointed it at Keitaro.

ZAP!

"What the hell was that?" Naru demanded, half rising from her seat. "Did you hear that?"

Everyone looked around, but to Su's disappointment, no one looked at Keitaro.

'Strange,' she thought, glancing at the device, 'it's supposed to make him irresistable to girls.'

Turning a small dial on the unit, she hit the button a second time.

ZAP!!

"Ok," Naru got to her feet, "who's playing with fireworks in here?"

Su smiled innocently, tucking the device back under her sleeve as Naru stared right at her. "Ummm.... not me. But... but don't you think Keitaro looks really... appealing this morning?"

Naru pursed her lips. "Ummm, no?" she said flatly. "Still the same old dork. Now stop playing with firecrackers... or whatever you're doing..."

Crestfallen, Su looked around at the other women, finding to her disappointment that there was no reaction whatsoever.

'Oh well,' she thought, 'back to the drawing board.'

******

Six hours later, Su sat upside down on the sofa, thinking over her earlier failure. 'I know I added all the right components,' she mused, 'I wonder what I did wrong...'

"Hey Su."

"Hey Shinobu."

The dark-haired girl passed through the living room, carrying a vase full of flowers. As she passed through the front hall, however, Su heard a loud gasp, followed by a resounding crash.

"S-Su? SU??"

"What?" the girl wondered, rising to her feet and hurrying to Shinobu's side. "What is it, what's wrong?"

With a shaking hand, Shinobu pointed.

Su followed the other girl's finger... and her own jaw fell open at the sight she beheld.

Staggering up the stairs was a very bedraggled looking Keitaro. His clothes were torn in several places, and he looked as if he had been punched at least twice... though these things alone were not what caused the commotion.

What caused the commotion was the six girls stuck (quite literally) to him, all of whom were struggling and trying to pull away. Even as Su and Shinobu watched, one of the girls succeeded in freeing an arm from the tangle of limbs, only to have it fly back like a piece of iron held too close to a magnet, hitting Keitaro square in the cheek and knocking his glasses askew.

"Ow."

"...know this is your fault somehow," Naru was saying as she staggered along at Keitaro's side - half supporting him, half dragging him, "you're the only person this kind of thing happens to, did you know that? The ONLY person."

"I know," Keitaro groaned, "I know... it's always - excuse me miss, could you move your hand up a bit? thanks - it's always me..."

Shinobu took a step forward, then another. "Umm, Su?"

"Yeah?"

"I... I can't stop..."

Before she could say another word, Shinobu was yanked off of her feet and flew headlong into the squirming mass of Keitaro and his collected girls.

"Ow..."

"Hello Sempai..."

"...hi Shinobu."

"Dinner's almost ready."

"Ok."

Shinobu's words were muffled throughout this entire exchange - largely because her face was pressed against Keitaro's stomach.

Oddly, Su noticed, the dark haired girl did not seem to be trying to get free.

'I better fix this,' she thought, quickly pulling The Remedy out of her pocket and flipping the dial to it's Repel setting.

Before she could push the button, however, she felt a tug in her chest.

"Aww crap..."

THUNK

"Hi Keitaro..."

"Hello Su..."

Su struggled against the magnetic pull, trying to find the button for the device, but in all the jostling, it seemed to have been knocked out of her hand.

"Has anyoned seen a little box with a button and a dial?" she asked quickly. "It's the thing that caused all this, and if I can just push the button, this will all be-"

CRUNCH

There was a long, long moment of silence.

"Su?"

"Yes, Keitaro?"

"This device... was it about the size of a cell phone? Black plastic? Kind of thin?"

"Umm, yeah..."

"Shinobu?"

"Y-yeah?"

There was another long, long moment of silence.

"...do we have any glue?"

This time, the silence went on for a much, much longer time.

End.

:snigger:
 

runestar

Well-Known Member
#2
Heh heh...lite on plot, okay on the entertainment factor. :p Not bad...just a little on the bland side... :sisi:
 

Moshulel

Well-Known Member
#4
Heh Keitaro always was a woman magnet ... now he's just more fizical about it. LOL.

Nice one Random :)
 

Hawk

Well-Known Member
#5
and she finally had something she could prove her intellect while helping Keitaro with his girl problems all at the same time.
Hm, "use to prove her intellect", "prove her intellect with" or something such might be better. That line reads a bit oddly as it is.


"What?" the girl wondered, rising to her feet and hurrying to Shinobu's side. "What is it, what's wrong?"
Flipping down onto her feet, perhaps? She was upside down, wasn't she? So rising to her feet sounds a mite bit odd.


No other bumps in the road that I noticed while reading.


Though I certainly sense the potential for some omakes and/or alternate versions here. :) That scene break is perfect, there are just sooooo many possible variations on what happens after that break that one can come up with.
 

EagleCeres

Well-Known Member
#6
short and sweet ^_^
not to mention funny :D

at least Keitaro didnt get assaulted by a truck carrying little baby chicks to the local chicken farm :snigger:
 
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