Naruto New Intros

WarGiver

Well-Known Member
(Dead pool is hard to get right, I probably messed up but meh)

Naruto awoke earlier than usual; it was the morning of the day where the teams would be announced. While odd it had happened before. He as per usual performed the looper ping and got hits on the entire Rookie Nine, and Team Gai, along with several other people.

Confused at one of the results Naruto shook his head, "I do not recognize who that is." He set it aside, as it must have been a fused loop. And a resulting ping meant they were experienced in the loops and understood the normal reply.

As Naruto got ready for the 'Big Day' he noted that even if it was someone new they would still appear on his check, he was familiar with the loop, and was technically a chakra detector, not to mention that anyone who was a looper would return a result just by being a large target unless they were new.

He left his apartment and meet with Sakura and Sasuke at their normal meeting place, it was less of a tradition to show solidarity then a way for both Sasuke and Naruto to keep Sakura in line. Not that it helped all that much.

"So who's the new guy?" Sasuke asked.

"I can't wait to break him in."

Both boys shuddered. They each carefully avoided even thinking the forbidden phrases.

They eventually got to the classroom with Sakura skipping along and both of the boys dislodging Kunai from various points on their bodies. "She almost got away this time."

Sakura spun on her heal and looked at Sasuke who had spoken, "Well I was going easy on you today. I am in a good mood." The entire class shuddered. Oddly they noticed Lee, Tenten, and Neji in the room as well who looked confused.

Naruto checked his memories and realized he had gotten an info dump, but it only had the fact that the three were in the same class and not graduated a year earlier. He noticed several people frowning. This was bad tidings.

Iruka walked into the class and promptly stated, "You are all on the same team." Then turned to leave.

"Wait sensei!?"

The teacher stopped and looked back to the class, "Unusual I know, but based on the new sensei who we have yet to find a way to remove from the loop." This caused a few side glances, "It was decided that if we put you all on the same team then he will be distracted and out of the village as we are sending you all on a long string of S-Class missions. Maybe three of you will make it to the Exams, I hope, perhaps..."

Suddenly a window was blasted in as a body covered in red and blue cloth from head to toe except for a few black spots on the head over the eyes landed in the room. As the unknown got up he looked around and although his entire face was covered there was no doubt that he was smiling, "Well that was fun, maybe the Green Beast will do that again. Next time I hope he aims for the land of hot babes."

He seemed to look around as Iruka snuck off, "So this is the group of kiddies that there is a Pool on who is DEAD first. Well just in case you or our readers might not have figured out, I am your new Sensei Deadpool. I just know this will be fun... For me and the readers I think anyway."

One of the students nodded, Shikamaru then used his shadow technique to swiftly break his own neck before anyone could react. Just to be sure he also with his last bit of control he did as much damage to his body as possible to ensure he could not recover.

The entire class looked on in horror and fear that the 'smartest' person in their group opted this method out of the loop. They turned as a group towards their new sensei, oddly it was Sakura that spoke next, "I have a bad feeling about this... It's like a thousand crimes against humanity being prepared and laughing at the same time."

Out in the hall the Hokage handed money to Iruka, "I had thought he would have lasted the day or been more subtle."

The teacher shrugged, Shikamaru was lazy, and smart, it was obvious even to him that team seven was the only ones likely to last three months. The smart one decided to take the easy way out.

Suddenly a cry of, "No you don't." came from all the kunoichi as they kept the shadow user from dying and healed his self inflicted escape attempt.

Iruka sighed as he handed the money back to the Hokage. He was the Hokage for a reason. He knew his ninja.

"Now I hear that there is an organization of S-class nin out in rain country, our first test will be running there. Without Chakra, weapons, oh and shoes. We will take a roundabout path and visit every demon host and see if I can catch them all. Doesn't that sound great?"

Edit: Due to forum update corrupting some of it. (Also the Dead Pool joke is actually is part of his Marvel universe backstory)
 

MnemoD

Well-Known Member
WarGiver said:
(Dead pool is hard to get right, I probably messed up but meh)

Naruto awoke earlier than usual; it was the morning of the day where the teams would be announced. While odd it had happened before. He as per usual performed the looper ping and got hits on the entire Rookie Nine, and Team Gai, along with several other people.

Confused at one of the results Naruto shook his head, “I do not recognize who that is.” He set it aside, as it must have been a fused loop. And a resulting ping meant they were experienced in the loops and understood the normal reply.

As Naruto got ready for the ‘Big Day’ he noted that even if it was someone new they would still appear on his check, he was familiar with the loop, and was technically a chakra detector, not to mention that anyone who was a looper would return a result just by being a large target unless they were new.

He left his apartment and meet with Sakura and Sasuke at their normal meeting place, it was less of a tradition to show solidarity then a way for both Sasuke and Naruto to keep Sakura in line. Not that it helped all that much.

“So who’s the new guy?” Sasuke asked.

“I can’t wait to break him in.”

Both boys shuddered. They each carefully avoided even thinking the forbidden phrases.

They eventually got to the classroom with Sakura skipping along and both of the boys dislodging Kunai from various points on their bodies. “She almost got away this time.”

Sakura spun on her heal and looked at Sasuke who had spoken, “Well I was going easy on you today. I am in a good mood.” The entire class shuddered. Oddly they noticed Lee, Tenten, and Neji in the room as well who looked confused.

Naruto checked his memories and realized he had gotten an info dump, but it only had the fact that the three were in the same class and not graduated a year earlier. He noticed several people frowning. This was bad tidings.

Iruka walked into the class and promptly stated, “You are all on the same team.” Then turned to leave.

“Wait sensei!?”

The teacher stopped and looked back to the class, “Unusual I know, but based on the new sensei who we have yet to find a way to remove from the loop.” This caused a few side glances, “It was decided that if we put you all on the same team then he will be distracted and out of the village as we are sending you all on a long string of S-Class missions. Maybe three of you will make it to the Exams, I hope, perhaps...”

Suddenly a window was blasted in as a body covered in red and blue cloth from head to toe except for a few black spots on the head over the eyes landed in the room. As the unknown got up he looked around and although his entire face was covered there was no doubt that he was smiling, “Well that was fun, maybe the Green Beast will do that again. Next time I hope he aims for the land of hot babes.”

He seemed to look around as Iruka snuck off, “So this is the group of kiddies that there is a Pool on who is DEAD first. Well just in case you or our readers might not have figured out, I am your new Sensei Deadpool. I just know this will be fun... For me and the readers I think anyway.”

One of the students nodded, Shikamaru then used his shadow technique to swiftly break his own neck before anyone could react. Just to be sure he also with his last control did as much damage to his body as possible to ensure he could not recover.

The entire class looked on in horror and fear that the ‘smartest’ person in their group opted this method out of the loop. They turned as a group towards their new sensei, oddly it was Sakura that spoke next, “I have a bad feeling about this... It’s like a thousand crimes against humanity being prepared and laughing at the same time.”

Out in the hall the Hokage handed money to Iruka, “I had thought he would have lasted the day or been more subtle.”

The teacher shrugged, Shikamaru was lazy, and smart, it was obvious even to him that team seven was the only ones likely to last three months. The smart one decided to take the easy way out.

Suddenly a cry of, “No you don’t.” came from all the kunoichi as they kept the shadow user from dying and healed his self inflicted escape attempt.”

Iruka sighed as he handed the money back to the Hokage. He was the Hokage for a reason. He knew his ninja.

“Now I hear that there is an organization of S-class nin out in rain country, our first test will be running there. Without Chakra, weapons, oh and shoes. We will take a roundabout path and visit every demon host and see if I can catch them all. Doesn’t that sound great?”
Nowhere near enough fourth wall breaking, smack talk, bad jokes, and the opening "Dead pool" joke was just plain awful.
 

zeebee1

Well-Known Member
There was also no joke about all the OCs. At that point there would be an extra eighteen characters to weed out.
 

WarGiver

Well-Known Member
If anyone can do a better job of it I would love to read it, seriously I have not seen nearly enough of him. I usually read spiderman more then anything else and for some reason marvel seems to go out of its way to keep the two at least a mile apart... afaik they met only three times, twice in deadpool comics and once in a spiderman comic (Which I have yet to find... even now...)
 

AJ_Katon

Well-Known Member
Here's a small attempt.

Today was looking to be a real boring loop. While Naruto had done many a thing that would spread chaos to population of Konoha and sometimes to the other countries, he felt that his ideas were getting stale.

He needed something new. Something no one would see coming. Something simply...well chaotic. Not the best description but that was pretty much it. Now just what could he d-

"Naruto-san! Please teach me the ways of wooing women!" Came a loud voice from his right.

Turning to the voice, his eyebrows went up when he realized it was, "Lee?"

"Yes, my friend. I am in desperate need of your instruction of talking to Kunoichi and women at large! I fear that if I remain celibate too long, I will go insane." Lee got on his knees and bowed to the slightly younger Shinobi. "Please, please help me!"

Naruto was quiet for a few seconds before it happened. He felt it. The spark. The spark of chaos known only to those of the prankster nature. Or to those poor saps that the universe seems to have it out for.

And it had given him an idea. A new project and if the time needed, a perfect meat shield.

"Lee old buddy." Naruto said with a cheerful smile that somehow hide his darker intentions. "I believe I can help you out."

Well stuff would happen but that's the basic idea. Not really that funny but a maybe a setup.
 

WarGiver

Well-Known Member
Hmm I was to busy to notice this topic was going a bit stale. Nice snipit btw.

How about this one (I have no idea where the idea came from btw):

Gai was known for many things, his well... to most it was obvious. However Gai was far smarter then he let on, and only kakashi knew this. This was the single real reason he actually agreed to the stupid contests of theirs. After all anyone who failed to look underneath Gai's personality and appearance and remember that he was Jonin on pure Taijutsu alone, not to forget he was still skilled on other arts, he just didn't use them mostly for Lee's sake.

That said he did have quirks. This was a loop where he was awake, and he arrived on time to 'save' Sasuke. well there was only one thing to do really.

--

Kisame unlike anyone else in the loops was not awake. As usual he was threatening Naruto, “Can I just shave off his legs Itachi, it would be easier to keep him from running away.”

Before Itachi could respond their was a breaking of glass as Gai entered the room kicking Kisame into the ground, “Dynamic Entry!” He then lept off of Kisame and out the window with great force causing Kisame to once more be pushed into the ground. “Dynamic Exit!”

Nobody spoke for a moment before Naruto managed to quip first, “Well that was random.”

Kisame growled from the ground, “I don't know who that was, but brat I will take it out on you.”

“Dynamic Entry...Dynamic Exit” Jiraya across the street was watching with interest, and taking notes. This was the best prank in loops as far as he was concerned... well the non perverted ones.

Itachi raised one eyebrow at his grounded teammate. “That was twice.”

“Shut up Itachi.”

Kisame held his sword at an angle that his attacker would have to hit it first, Then the door behind him smashed open, “Dynamic Entry....Dynamic Exit”

Itachi quickly snapped a picture, he had grown a taste for blackmail recently.

Kisame growled and charged at the 'genin.'

this time it came through the ceiling.

Next was the floor, with that he smashed into the ceiling then down two floors.

Then as he was jumping on to the floor again another door burst.

After that he shushined out... Not out of fear, no, just to plan another attack, when the foot sniper was elsewhere.
 

MnemoD

Well-Known Member
SNIPPETU NO JUTSU!

---------------------------------------------------

"Alright, pinky. You go first."

"Sensei, why don't you show us how it's done?" Sakura asked of their (seemingly) cycloptic jounin-sensei. After a half-assed introduction, the pinkette was feeling vindictive about her sensei not being "Awake."

"My name is Sakura Haruno, I like ninja techniques, Sasuke, Kunoichi-kaa-san, and beating up Naruto. I dislike horses, bows and arrows, and snakes." Kakashi had merely nodded his head until the bit about beating up Naruto, eye widening before Sasuke picked up after being pointed to, giving his usual spiel. Naruto, however, seemed to get what Sakura was aiming at.

"MY NAME IS NARUTO UZUMAKI! And I will be the strongest man in all the land, even stronger than Lu Bu-tou-san! I like fighting, Sakura-chan, Lu Bu-tou-san, and weapon-based combat! I dislike weaklings, people without ambition, and power hungry assholes!"

Naruto grinned wide at Kakashi, ironically Sasuke seemed less unnerved than the jounin did. But the trip to ANBU HQ would be worth it. So Sakura liked playing Warriors Orochi with him? That was cool with him. Besides, Lu Bu was the best!
 

seitora

Well-Known Member
Does anyone know where that snippet with Naruto summoning Sayuri as his zanpakuto was?
 

WarGiver

Well-Known Member
Cannot say I have seen that happen, though there was one where he met her in his seal instead of Kurama

--

Naruto was giggling. He really was. This time nobody was awake for the first time in a long time. But now was the point where a prank that he was contemplating for many many loops to put into action. The pure humor and confusion would be purely worth it.

In the second exam he had actually managed to use his shadow clones to steal every, that was right, every single scroll in the forest. His team had them all. Although they thought they only had the two. Thus only Team Seven passed the second test. What confussed him though was this was heard of before, once in Iwa.

Now here he was in the “Third test” using the first round pass he had and watching as Sasuke beat Sakura into the dirt. Maybe it was petty but given how much the girl tormented him over the loops sometimes one needs to take solstice in even proxy victories.

'Wham'

“Victory by knock out, Sakrua Haruno”

... Or not...
 
Huh. Sakura pretending she's not looping, or just a nonstandard unawake Sakura in this loop?
 
Also, methinks you want Solace instead of Solstice, though the significance of the longest day/night of the year may have other ramifications I am not aware of?
 

WarGiver

Well-Known Member
meer typo on that.

And Sakura just woke up. Sasuke got it easy, he never saw it comming, Naruto now has.
 

seitora

Well-Known Member
Thanks. I thought that snippet had been in this topic but search wasn't finding anything
 

WarGiver

Well-Known Member
I wanted to flesh this out and make it flow better, but at three AM with no assurance that this will be remembered here it is. GLHF.

This was all Ranma's fault. He knew it was. No matter the fact that the loops were innately random, no matter what the goddesses said. No matter how much Ranma would deny it. Naruto knew without a doubt that this was Ranma's fault. It just felt good blaming someone for this mess, someone that could take a beating.

Naruto knew he was obsessing and that the 'person' next to him had it far far FAR worse then he had ever had it, actually they had to have had the worst Jusenkyo curse ever. Glancing to her, as she did still fall into the same 'girly' pool of water that Ranma somehow always landed in, even when he knew to avoid the curse.

Naruto's parrent growled and grunted loudly enough to attract a lot of attention. Granted most of it wasn't at their eye level, after all Tsunade did attract attention to a body part lower then her eye's.

Tsunade continued growling about the unfairness of the situation, “Come on brat, lets get there. The sooner we arrive the sooner we get in out of the rain.” She looked up, her face was a mixture of emotions, annoyance, acceptance, and frustration.

Soon they arrived at the Hyuuga dojo. Naruto blinked at this sign, “An ill wind blows.”

“Cut the theatrics, we are here already.”

--

“So your curse isn't so bad after all.”

Naruto was unsure what to think here, on the one hand this looked like Hinata's father, on the other hand he was acting like Soun Tendo.

A wet Jiraya was sulking to the side. He was growling about how unfair it was that he could not see Tsunade's... assets until the end of the loop.

“My eldest daughter Neji age nineteen,” Neji's eyes both twitched, “My middle child Hinata age seventeen,” Hinata was looking calm for some reason, which scared him greatly, “and my youngest Hanabi age sixteen.”

Hanabi was doing a victory dance over the fact she was starting a loop in mid to late teens and was otherwise ignored by everyone.

As Naruto looked at Neji the elder boy turned girl responded, “Ranma taught me the weakness moxibustion, I will ensure you suffer worse then you could imagine. Fate has decreed you will look else where for respite and fail.'

Everyone was looking at Neji for such a speech, but when they looked back at Naruto they saw Hinata with her tongue giving a close inspection of Naruto's tonsils.

“Then its settled, the ceremony can begin tomorrow.”

“Mercy”

Hinata grinned at his pleas.

--

Konohamaru looked to the still cloudy sky, “My Hanabi warning sense tells me to turn around and run.”

His Uncle swatted him upside the head. Odds are that Tsunade-sama is here as well. So we go, no complaints.”

“Just saying.”

--

Hmm... Tenten turned in a mirror. This was new to her, she granted, being a boy for a loop was not something she had much experience with, not that she looped much anyway. Still she had read the manga that Naruto had for Ranma 1/2 and knew she was playing a certain Kuno. However this Kuno was going after Neji... He grinned, before frowning and glancing at his sword. “Over compensating? Well Neji-chan... Lets see if it is shall we?”

Tenten was disturbed, in more ways then one, by the arrival of his sister Lee... the horror of the sight scarred her in ways that Sakura would be envious. If it were not for said girl.. guy... well Principal being where they were. After the insane laughing comming from the other side of the house the black leotard over green spandex girl chased after Tenten as they fled the compound. If they were in the room as Sakura they would see her in near Gendo pose grinning like a mad woman. She now had a new loop with enough chaos for some real fun.


(to keep track, Naruto has Ranma's curse, Jiraya has the Tsunade curse (They flip body and personality not memory though), Neji, tenten, and Lee are gender flipped, and Tenten is planning to play Kuno and chase Neji. Lee is well Lee as a girl... And Sakura is having a relapse... The real question is what she did with Sasuke... who replaced Sasuke...)
 

Fellgrave

Well-Known Member
Sasuke. As in, Sasuke is Sasuke. You know what I mean?
 

KurokamiDG

Well-Known Member
WarGiver said:
ya Sasuke the ninja is replacing Sasuke the ninja...
It all makes sense now! :snigger:
 

slickrcbd

Well-Known Member
"My name is Naturo Uzumaki and I like ramen and fire jutsu. I hate Icha Icha novels. My dream is to become a good enough ninja to assassinate the author and burn all the existing copies of that smut."

"My name is Sakura Haruno. I medicine and book learning. I also hate pornographic smut and my dream is to castrate the author of Icha Icha and also burn all such smut."

"My name is Sasuke Uchiha. I like fire jutsu and also hate Icha Icha. My family told me it would poison my mind, and right before the massacre I caught my brother reading those books. My dream is to avenge my family by killing both my brother and the man responsible for writing the books that turned him against the clan. "

After this, Naruto pipes up "Seems we all hate Icha Icha. Perhaps we can work together to make our dream of annihilating the abomination of Icha Icha come true? This could be the start of a beautiful friendship"

Sakura chimed in "I know I'm too weak in combat skill to do it on my own, but I'm good at research and putting facts and intelligence together. I'd welcome the help. I too believe we could base our friendship and teamwork on this."

Sasuke added "As long as I get to be the one who actually lands the killing blow on Itachi, I wouldn't mind help with the destruction of Icha Icha".

Naruto declared "So it's agreed, we're teammates, we'll put aside our own desires for the glory in the name of the common goal of accomplishing the mission and agree to joint credit. To the team!" while raising a fist in the air.
Sakura and Sasuke raised their own fists "To the Team!"

* * *
Now how does Kakashi respond to this? On the one hand they seem to be accepting the idea of teamwork and being his ideal team save for one thing: their agreeing to a common goal of destroying his beloved Icha Icha.

Just a crazy idea. Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura might be awake and pranking Kakashi, but Kakashi is not.
 

seitora

Well-Known Member
I lurv it and wish you had come up with Kakashi's response as well
 

slickrcbd

Well-Known Member
Well, after I posted it I got these images of him giving them the bell test as in canon, with the three of them taking it at face value (or pretending to) and things going much like canon until Kakashi pulls out his book. Then suddenly the three start coordinating and working in unison like a perfect unit...to burn the book.
Then I got the idea that while they are screaming about burning the book and throwing fire jutsu (maybe only Naruto and Sasuke with the fire jutsu, but Sakura is just as enthusiastic about burning it), Kakashi doesn't notice that one of them manages to steal the bells off of him as he's too busy protecting his precious Icha Icha Paradise that they are coming WAY too close to succeeding in destroying for fresh academy students.

Then I drew a blank on how to end it, I just got the vision of the three of them trying to destroy the book instead of getting the bell, and that was about it. Hence why I ended it where I did.
 
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