Summary: This is a short and shitty AU fic about ninjas giving telephone support to other ninjas on how to be ninjas. And it is also about Naruto's hard work to get a pretty decent salary and his various attempts to build a successful career in the Ninja service department of Fire Nation.
Ninja Support
Chapter one
Evaluation
-----------------
"It's a pleasure to meet you!"
The silver-haired thin masked man was greeted by the new guy who had a huge smile plastered on his face. Kakashi glanced at the name tag. Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze.
"Likewise. Great to have a man of your caliber aboard. Welcome to the Ninja service department of Fire Nation. I'm Kakashi and I've been in charge of the Elite ninja department for the past two years. By the way, I'm a big fan of your father."
Kakashi gestured that Naruto should follow him and soon they were walking through the boring corridors of the office.
"I'm expecting many things from you. Minato-sama is the chief executive officer of this company and I am sure that you have the same awesome talent that he have. And this letter of recommendation from Shikaku-dono from the Human resources department."
He showed a closed letter that he had been holding for the past twenty minutes.
"That man is usually so strict but he stamped the letter with the awesome stamp. And let me tell you this: no one, not even the legendary S-class ninjas, have gotten that stamp."
The duo stopped outside a door that said Elite ninja department.
"Now then, any questions before you meet your new colleagues? I assume that you've informed of what your new work tasks consists of?"
"Yeah, I got a few question but one is quite important since it showed up a lot on the tests I took earlier."
Kakashi chuckled. Guess even prodigies can feel insecure of themselves.
"Alright. Ask them and I'll do my best to answer them."
"Cool. So what is this 'Chakra'-thingy?"
"..."
"..?"
"And you're really the son of Minato Namikaze?"
"...Yes..?"
"Follow me. We're gonna do my own personal evaluation of your skills and knowledge. Ever heard of an exercise that is called 'Get a bell without dying'?"
"No, I can't say that I have."
"Good. Then this will be fun. Now, let's go to the training center."
------------------
Previously in the HR department:
"Hey Shikaku! Are you still not done with the whole 'new recruits' thing?"
"Meh. I've looked at these papers and letters for the last two hours but I still can't find any fucks that I can give about them."
The pineapple head inhale some poison from his cigarette.
"I can't stand this anymore. Chõza, get me the random stamps from the storage. I need to be done with this today and I can't be bothered to do this the normal way, so lady luck will decide the fates of these new recruits."
Shikaku soon got the stamps and started stamping the letters at random. And one letter in particular, which was marked with the name Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze was lucky enough to get the ultra-rare awesome stamp.
-------------------
"Cool room."
"Yeah, the training center is pretty cool. It's amazing what one can do with a little ninjutsu."
The duo had descended a few floors and were now standing in a huge circular room with a dome shaped ceiling.
"We'll start the exercise in a few moments. Let me get started with the preparations." Kakashi took out a scroll from one of his pockets and then bit his right thumb until he drew blood.
And then he did four strange hand gestures while holding the scroll, which caused it to be painted with the red liquid and then he slammed the scroll into the stone floor as he shouted with a loud and dramatic voice the name of the technique:
"Summoning: Earth release: Dog Golems!"
Eight squiggly lines of some strange writing poured out from the scrolls and flowed until they all had created a radius of five meters. Then figures began to rise from the very edges of these lines.
"Now behold Naruto, as you gaze upon my private army!"
"..."
"...Why do these stone statues have real dog heads?"
It was a natural reaction. After all, it looked really creepy and gross.
"Kakashi you bastard! We told you to stop using this technique!"
" Yeah! It's embarrassing!"
"And we fight better without these damn slow and uncomfortable things!"
The dog heads were barking and complaining to their summoner.
"... And why do they talk..?"
Kakashi sighed at the lack of awe that he had been expecting. But he formed a single hand seal which sent a tiny current of spit at the muzzle of the dog golem in front of him, which made them all whimper.
"You lot; be quiet. Naruto; these are ninja dogs. There are two primary reason why they can talk: Chakra and selective breeding. The 'statues' are golems and they are similar to power armor. And I like to give power armor to my ninja dogs since power armors make every single fight much more awesome."
He turned to the right, which was an empty wall.
"Alright you guys, release the bell!"
The wall groaned as a hidden hatch was opened and from that small rectangular hole a... brown cat with a red ribbon walked out like it owned the world.
A small bell were attached to its luxurious collar.
"Let me do the introductions. Everyone, this is Tora. Tora, these are your opponents." The cat did not listen, as it did not give a fuck as it continued its stroll along the circular wall.
The dogs on the other side, listened. They had adopted a feral look in their eyes at the sight of their natural prey.
And Naruto continued to look confused.
"The 'Get a bell without dying' exercise is a simple exercise. All you have to do is direct the dog golems by giving them instructions and/or advice so they can steal the bell from the cat. But while you do that, I will target both you and the dog golems with chakra techniques that are called 'Ninjutsu' from the center of this room. By the way, you'll need this."
Kakashi unfolded something from one of his pockets and threw it to Naruto who caught it.
It was a device of some kind.
"This is a device that is known as the headset. It is a tool for communication that allows you to speak with the customer who is calling in, which in this case are the dog golems. The headset will be your primary tool while working here with us, so I suggest that you quickly figure out how to use it."
Kakashi walked into the center of the room.
"Let me repeat the main points of this exercise:
1) Use the headset to direct and guide the dog golems so that they can steal the bell from Tora. You must speak into the headset or else the power armors won't obey your directions.
2) Ensure that neither you nor the dog golems are killed by my techniques. I will use one technique every fifteen second.
Any questions?"
"Yeah, I got one! What the hell does this have to do with being a ninja!?" Naruto tsukkomi'ed.
"Hehehe. This exercise have two points. One is to show you what chakra is and how to use it. And the other is to give you an idea of what we do here on Ninja service department of Fire Nation. As for what it has to do with being a ninja..."
Kakashi removed headband that covered his left eye, revealing a strange and unnatural red eye beneath, in which three tomoes spun slowly.
"...It has everything to do with it... Now, let's start the exercise!"
And then he quickly began forming hand seals.
"Wind Release: Galeforce!"
Kakashi exhaled a blast of air that sent Naruto flying into the wall behind him as he tried to figure out how to put the headset on his head.
"... I should probably stick with B-rank and lower techniques for now..." Kakashi thought as he prepared himself for the next technique while he watched the struggle of the young man.
---------------------------
"..." Kakashi stared.
"..." Naruto looked ashamed.
"..." Kakashi continued to stare, with a slight flavor of disappointment included.
"... Sorry for not being able to save the doggies."
"Don't worry about that. The armor protected them. But I am seriously disappointed."
"You still didn't have to go that far with your magic."
"It's called ninjutsu and the word 'dying' in the exercise implies that I aim to kill. But that is not the main issue. It took you two minutes to figure out how to put on the headset. The customer was unable to speak with you despite the fact that the call was during office hours which is both shameful for us and lethal for them, as they now were charred to a crisp by my attack."
"Can't the customer dodge attacks like that on their own?"
"Never assume what a human can and cannot do. What may seem as obvious to us could be something the customer have never heard or experienced before, meaning they don't know how to act."
Kakashi went back to the center and summoned the dog golems once more.
"Let us try this exercise again, and now with the support agent available through the headset. Naruto, please press the green button on the headset and get ready on my signal."
Naruto pressed the tiny green button and then felt something. Something powerful yet calming. He could somehow feel himself and he could sense the presence of eight other figures.
"Now you have a minor understanding of how this business works. The headset synchronizes us with the customer with the help of chakra, allowing us to be able to see their situation with our minds. That is what makes us able to guide them, help them or control them in a few rare situations. There are other devices and abilities that allows us to strengthen the bond between us and the customer but we'll go over the basics of the headset for now.
And that strange thing that you are feeling is raw chakra. A combination of spiritual and physical energy that all living things has."
Kakashi did a complicated hand signal towards Naruto and then shouted the exciting words:
"Let's begin once more!"
And then he started to form hand seals, a little slower this time...
Naruto acted fast and ran in the left direction in order to avoid the incoming attack while he screamed in the headset "Hey dudes! Dodge whatever Kakashi-san shoots at you! And try to get that bell from the cat while you're at it!"
"BARK! BARK! BARK! Serves you right! Yelling into our precious mind-ears! Geez, the service level has really declined nowadays when compared to when we started as your customers!"
"What kind of ninja whines about that when- Holy shit! Dodge that fireball! Dodge iiiiit!"
The dog golems dodged the Fire technique: Great Fireball with the grace one could expect from 300 kg golems, which was essentially jumping out of the way as it collided into the wall.
"Now, it's dodged! What do you want us to do, and what is your name?!"
"Try to capture the cat so you can steal the bell! And it is rude to ask for someone's name without introducing yourself!"
"Geez, what a crass customer support. But our names are:
-Pakkun!
-Bull!
-Urushi!
-Shiba!
-Bisuke!
-Akino!
-Ūhei!
-Guruko!"
"Nice to meet you dudes! I'm Naruto! Now get that cat!"
"But we haven't told you why we called you yet!"
"I know that alrea-"
Kakashi interrupted the loud conversation with a cheerful exclamation and a lot of bubbles: "Water release: Wild Bubble Wave!"
"-Dodge the bubbles! Dodge theeeem!"
"Which way should we dodge towards?!"
"Dodge in a direction without bubbles!"
Kakashi chuckled as he listened to the shouting between the support agent and the dogs. It was not the right way of giving support but it was hilarious to listen to, both for outsiders and fellow support agents within hearing distance.
"Have you found the cat yet by the way?!"
"We haven't told you about why we've called you yet! Stick to the script!"
"Alright fine, why did you make this phone call?"
"We are on a mission to steal a bell from the necklace of a cat that is also to be horribly maimed and a pervert that likes to play dress up is trying to stop us with the aid of his ninjutsu! Now help us with completing our mission please!"
"...Was the maiming and the pervert part really necessary to add?"
"Woof! I am a dog! I will never speak a lie! My raw intentions of pureness will always be broadcasted so that no one can try to talk back to me!"
"Look man, I won't judge you but I will hang up if you don't stop with your offensive attitude."
"Offensive! Why the nerve! I have never been so insulted by a homo stupidiu-"
*CLICK*
Everyone froze when they heard that sound and then turned slowly to Naruto, who removed his headset and then shock his hair in slow motion so that sparkles few. And then he spoke, in a voice that would have fit well in a choir of angels as his cerulean eyes sparkled:
"Man, I never knew that a dog could be such a dick."
Kakashi slapped his face with his palm. This would be a long day...
--------------------------------------
"So, do you now understand everything?"
"Yes! I understand!"
"Really..?"
"Dude, you've lectured me for twenty minutes after you stuck me in this hole! I can't feel my legs and I really have to pee!"
Kakashi observed the head which was planted very tenderly into the solid concrete as it begged for mercy and release.
"Alright, last time we try this exercise, then I have to go on lunch. Let me get you out of there."
Kakashi grabbed the head and pulle-
"Ow!" the blond cried out at the minor hair loss.
-d very tenderly from the floor and then went back to the middle, leaving the young man wheezing on the floor as he kept repeating "wiggle your big toe" over and over again.
"Let's begin!"
Naruto staggered back on his feet and started running as he said in a very loud and rapid voice the standard introduction phrase of the Ninja service department of Fire Nation:
"Welcome-to-the-Ninja-support-my-name-is-Naruto-how-can-I-be-of-service-for-you-today-please-dodge-everything-that-looks-like-it-might-be-harmful-during-this-call!"
"Hello! We're trying to steal a bell from a cat and an enemy is attacking us every now and then with ninjutsu!"
"That's lovely! Please catch the cat and dodge all enemy attacks!"
"Why are you shouting?!"
"'Cause I am running around in a circle in the same room as you guys in order to not get killed so I am having some trouble with speaking in a soft tone during this phone call!"
"Alright, I'll report this to your manager later but we'll ignore it for the moment. How do we catch the cat? We're slow and the cat is quick and nimble!"
"Got any catnip?"
"Nope!"
"No rats or mice either?"
"Of course not!"
"Have you tried with pulling the lease on its necklace and see if it slows down?"
"Well, then we would have caught it by now, wouldn't we?!"
"Alright, I think I got it! There's eight of you, right?"
"Ehm, I think so?"
"Good! I want six of you to try to corner the cat! Surround it and once you've cornered it, gang pile it!"
"It would die from the weight!"
"Nonsense! Cats are the ants of mammals! They can carry weights that are many times heavier than their own weight!"
"No, they cannot! And we would still be too heavy! And what about the remaining two dogs?"
"They would serve as a distraction to the enemy, taunting him and all that, so he stops interrupting your work and aim strictly at these two who are trying to tank him!"
"Alright fine! Bull and Guruko! You heard the support agent! Taunt the enemy!"
"Sir, yes sir!"
"Gotcha covered!"
"And make sure you don't get hit by the ninjutsu magic!" Naruto warned in advance.
Kakashi chuckled at this sight of two dog golems making hilarious offensive gestures against hi-... that gesture... How dare he say about his daddy?!
Kakashi's eye flared red as his rage button was pressed and he made one hand seal and then lowered his arm as he channeled his chakra into a deadly ball of lightning, which then coated his arm in a gauntlet of lightning that thundered with a fury.
"Eat this! Lightning Cutter!"
And then he thrust the arm coated with blinding blue lightning at the dog golems who could only look at the incoming death with terror.
"Hey scarecrow! Eat this!" a voice shouted into his ear from the right, at a distance which was disturbingly close, so Kakashi moved with instinct and aimed his technique to the right, in order to counter the unknown voice with deadly force.
...There was nothing there. But he could swear that he heard-
"Hey Kakashi!"
A voice shouted from behind him and he whirled around, cancelling out his technique so he would not accidentally harm himself-
And was instantly greeted with the warm introduction of two soles and the feet and body that were attached to them which landed on his face with quite high velocity.
"I'm over here!" Naruto screamed as he sent his senior falling downwards due to the force of the kick or landing depending on how one viewed it.
"Oy, we managed to get the bell!"
"Sweet! Great job!" Naruto turned to the mob of dog golems that was harassing the cat.
"Did anyone get hurt?"
"No. The armor protected us. Thank you for your help!"
"You're welcome! Have a nice day!"
*CLICK*
Naruto removed the headset and then stretched his arms over his head.
"Aww yeah, it feels good to help people!"
"I'm glad that you feel like that, 'cause I'm gonna help you now..."
Naruto froze at the disturbingly calm voice of Kakashi who appeared behind him.
"I now have a basic evaluation of your skills and knowledge. You're not an elite ninja or even a chuunin or a genin. You belong in another department for now. Follow me and I'll take you to it.
Kakashi dismissed the dog golems and then led the confused young man away, first on a quick toilet break and then to his new work station, which was five minutes away from their previous location.
---------------
"Welcome to your new work station! I hope you'll like it here!"
Kakashi smiled and Naruto looked really disappointed.
After all, who would willing work in a department with the name Academy students and/or rejects department?
Ninja Support
Chapter one
Evaluation
-----------------
"It's a pleasure to meet you!"
The silver-haired thin masked man was greeted by the new guy who had a huge smile plastered on his face. Kakashi glanced at the name tag. Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze.
"Likewise. Great to have a man of your caliber aboard. Welcome to the Ninja service department of Fire Nation. I'm Kakashi and I've been in charge of the Elite ninja department for the past two years. By the way, I'm a big fan of your father."
Kakashi gestured that Naruto should follow him and soon they were walking through the boring corridors of the office.
"I'm expecting many things from you. Minato-sama is the chief executive officer of this company and I am sure that you have the same awesome talent that he have. And this letter of recommendation from Shikaku-dono from the Human resources department."
He showed a closed letter that he had been holding for the past twenty minutes.
"That man is usually so strict but he stamped the letter with the awesome stamp. And let me tell you this: no one, not even the legendary S-class ninjas, have gotten that stamp."
The duo stopped outside a door that said Elite ninja department.
"Now then, any questions before you meet your new colleagues? I assume that you've informed of what your new work tasks consists of?"
"Yeah, I got a few question but one is quite important since it showed up a lot on the tests I took earlier."
Kakashi chuckled. Guess even prodigies can feel insecure of themselves.
"Alright. Ask them and I'll do my best to answer them."
"Cool. So what is this 'Chakra'-thingy?"
"..."
"..?"
"And you're really the son of Minato Namikaze?"
"...Yes..?"
"Follow me. We're gonna do my own personal evaluation of your skills and knowledge. Ever heard of an exercise that is called 'Get a bell without dying'?"
"No, I can't say that I have."
"Good. Then this will be fun. Now, let's go to the training center."
------------------
Previously in the HR department:
"Hey Shikaku! Are you still not done with the whole 'new recruits' thing?"
"Meh. I've looked at these papers and letters for the last two hours but I still can't find any fucks that I can give about them."
The pineapple head inhale some poison from his cigarette.
"I can't stand this anymore. Chõza, get me the random stamps from the storage. I need to be done with this today and I can't be bothered to do this the normal way, so lady luck will decide the fates of these new recruits."
Shikaku soon got the stamps and started stamping the letters at random. And one letter in particular, which was marked with the name Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze was lucky enough to get the ultra-rare awesome stamp.
-------------------
"Cool room."
"Yeah, the training center is pretty cool. It's amazing what one can do with a little ninjutsu."
The duo had descended a few floors and were now standing in a huge circular room with a dome shaped ceiling.
"We'll start the exercise in a few moments. Let me get started with the preparations." Kakashi took out a scroll from one of his pockets and then bit his right thumb until he drew blood.
And then he did four strange hand gestures while holding the scroll, which caused it to be painted with the red liquid and then he slammed the scroll into the stone floor as he shouted with a loud and dramatic voice the name of the technique:
"Summoning: Earth release: Dog Golems!"
Eight squiggly lines of some strange writing poured out from the scrolls and flowed until they all had created a radius of five meters. Then figures began to rise from the very edges of these lines.
"Now behold Naruto, as you gaze upon my private army!"
"..."
"...Why do these stone statues have real dog heads?"
It was a natural reaction. After all, it looked really creepy and gross.
"Kakashi you bastard! We told you to stop using this technique!"
" Yeah! It's embarrassing!"
"And we fight better without these damn slow and uncomfortable things!"
The dog heads were barking and complaining to their summoner.
"... And why do they talk..?"
Kakashi sighed at the lack of awe that he had been expecting. But he formed a single hand seal which sent a tiny current of spit at the muzzle of the dog golem in front of him, which made them all whimper.
"You lot; be quiet. Naruto; these are ninja dogs. There are two primary reason why they can talk: Chakra and selective breeding. The 'statues' are golems and they are similar to power armor. And I like to give power armor to my ninja dogs since power armors make every single fight much more awesome."
He turned to the right, which was an empty wall.
"Alright you guys, release the bell!"
The wall groaned as a hidden hatch was opened and from that small rectangular hole a... brown cat with a red ribbon walked out like it owned the world.
A small bell were attached to its luxurious collar.
"Let me do the introductions. Everyone, this is Tora. Tora, these are your opponents." The cat did not listen, as it did not give a fuck as it continued its stroll along the circular wall.
The dogs on the other side, listened. They had adopted a feral look in their eyes at the sight of their natural prey.
And Naruto continued to look confused.
"The 'Get a bell without dying' exercise is a simple exercise. All you have to do is direct the dog golems by giving them instructions and/or advice so they can steal the bell from the cat. But while you do that, I will target both you and the dog golems with chakra techniques that are called 'Ninjutsu' from the center of this room. By the way, you'll need this."
Kakashi unfolded something from one of his pockets and threw it to Naruto who caught it.
It was a device of some kind.
"This is a device that is known as the headset. It is a tool for communication that allows you to speak with the customer who is calling in, which in this case are the dog golems. The headset will be your primary tool while working here with us, so I suggest that you quickly figure out how to use it."
Kakashi walked into the center of the room.
"Let me repeat the main points of this exercise:
1) Use the headset to direct and guide the dog golems so that they can steal the bell from Tora. You must speak into the headset or else the power armors won't obey your directions.
2) Ensure that neither you nor the dog golems are killed by my techniques. I will use one technique every fifteen second.
Any questions?"
"Yeah, I got one! What the hell does this have to do with being a ninja!?" Naruto tsukkomi'ed.
"Hehehe. This exercise have two points. One is to show you what chakra is and how to use it. And the other is to give you an idea of what we do here on Ninja service department of Fire Nation. As for what it has to do with being a ninja..."
Kakashi removed headband that covered his left eye, revealing a strange and unnatural red eye beneath, in which three tomoes spun slowly.
"...It has everything to do with it... Now, let's start the exercise!"
And then he quickly began forming hand seals.
"Wind Release: Galeforce!"
Kakashi exhaled a blast of air that sent Naruto flying into the wall behind him as he tried to figure out how to put the headset on his head.
"... I should probably stick with B-rank and lower techniques for now..." Kakashi thought as he prepared himself for the next technique while he watched the struggle of the young man.
---------------------------
"..." Kakashi stared.
"..." Naruto looked ashamed.
"..." Kakashi continued to stare, with a slight flavor of disappointment included.
"... Sorry for not being able to save the doggies."
"Don't worry about that. The armor protected them. But I am seriously disappointed."
"You still didn't have to go that far with your magic."
"It's called ninjutsu and the word 'dying' in the exercise implies that I aim to kill. But that is not the main issue. It took you two minutes to figure out how to put on the headset. The customer was unable to speak with you despite the fact that the call was during office hours which is both shameful for us and lethal for them, as they now were charred to a crisp by my attack."
"Can't the customer dodge attacks like that on their own?"
"Never assume what a human can and cannot do. What may seem as obvious to us could be something the customer have never heard or experienced before, meaning they don't know how to act."
Kakashi went back to the center and summoned the dog golems once more.
"Let us try this exercise again, and now with the support agent available through the headset. Naruto, please press the green button on the headset and get ready on my signal."
Naruto pressed the tiny green button and then felt something. Something powerful yet calming. He could somehow feel himself and he could sense the presence of eight other figures.
"Now you have a minor understanding of how this business works. The headset synchronizes us with the customer with the help of chakra, allowing us to be able to see their situation with our minds. That is what makes us able to guide them, help them or control them in a few rare situations. There are other devices and abilities that allows us to strengthen the bond between us and the customer but we'll go over the basics of the headset for now.
And that strange thing that you are feeling is raw chakra. A combination of spiritual and physical energy that all living things has."
Kakashi did a complicated hand signal towards Naruto and then shouted the exciting words:
"Let's begin once more!"
And then he started to form hand seals, a little slower this time...
Naruto acted fast and ran in the left direction in order to avoid the incoming attack while he screamed in the headset "Hey dudes! Dodge whatever Kakashi-san shoots at you! And try to get that bell from the cat while you're at it!"
"BARK! BARK! BARK! Serves you right! Yelling into our precious mind-ears! Geez, the service level has really declined nowadays when compared to when we started as your customers!"
"What kind of ninja whines about that when- Holy shit! Dodge that fireball! Dodge iiiiit!"
The dog golems dodged the Fire technique: Great Fireball with the grace one could expect from 300 kg golems, which was essentially jumping out of the way as it collided into the wall.
"Now, it's dodged! What do you want us to do, and what is your name?!"
"Try to capture the cat so you can steal the bell! And it is rude to ask for someone's name without introducing yourself!"
"Geez, what a crass customer support. But our names are:
-Pakkun!
-Bull!
-Urushi!
-Shiba!
-Bisuke!
-Akino!
-Ūhei!
-Guruko!"
"Nice to meet you dudes! I'm Naruto! Now get that cat!"
"But we haven't told you why we called you yet!"
"I know that alrea-"
Kakashi interrupted the loud conversation with a cheerful exclamation and a lot of bubbles: "Water release: Wild Bubble Wave!"
"-Dodge the bubbles! Dodge theeeem!"
"Which way should we dodge towards?!"
"Dodge in a direction without bubbles!"
Kakashi chuckled as he listened to the shouting between the support agent and the dogs. It was not the right way of giving support but it was hilarious to listen to, both for outsiders and fellow support agents within hearing distance.
"Have you found the cat yet by the way?!"
"We haven't told you about why we've called you yet! Stick to the script!"
"Alright fine, why did you make this phone call?"
"We are on a mission to steal a bell from the necklace of a cat that is also to be horribly maimed and a pervert that likes to play dress up is trying to stop us with the aid of his ninjutsu! Now help us with completing our mission please!"
"...Was the maiming and the pervert part really necessary to add?"
"Woof! I am a dog! I will never speak a lie! My raw intentions of pureness will always be broadcasted so that no one can try to talk back to me!"
"Look man, I won't judge you but I will hang up if you don't stop with your offensive attitude."
"Offensive! Why the nerve! I have never been so insulted by a homo stupidiu-"
*CLICK*
Everyone froze when they heard that sound and then turned slowly to Naruto, who removed his headset and then shock his hair in slow motion so that sparkles few. And then he spoke, in a voice that would have fit well in a choir of angels as his cerulean eyes sparkled:
"Man, I never knew that a dog could be such a dick."
Kakashi slapped his face with his palm. This would be a long day...
--------------------------------------
"So, do you now understand everything?"
"Yes! I understand!"
"Really..?"
"Dude, you've lectured me for twenty minutes after you stuck me in this hole! I can't feel my legs and I really have to pee!"
Kakashi observed the head which was planted very tenderly into the solid concrete as it begged for mercy and release.
"Alright, last time we try this exercise, then I have to go on lunch. Let me get you out of there."
Kakashi grabbed the head and pulle-
"Ow!" the blond cried out at the minor hair loss.
-d very tenderly from the floor and then went back to the middle, leaving the young man wheezing on the floor as he kept repeating "wiggle your big toe" over and over again.
"Let's begin!"
Naruto staggered back on his feet and started running as he said in a very loud and rapid voice the standard introduction phrase of the Ninja service department of Fire Nation:
"Welcome-to-the-Ninja-support-my-name-is-Naruto-how-can-I-be-of-service-for-you-today-please-dodge-everything-that-looks-like-it-might-be-harmful-during-this-call!"
"Hello! We're trying to steal a bell from a cat and an enemy is attacking us every now and then with ninjutsu!"
"That's lovely! Please catch the cat and dodge all enemy attacks!"
"Why are you shouting?!"
"'Cause I am running around in a circle in the same room as you guys in order to not get killed so I am having some trouble with speaking in a soft tone during this phone call!"
"Alright, I'll report this to your manager later but we'll ignore it for the moment. How do we catch the cat? We're slow and the cat is quick and nimble!"
"Got any catnip?"
"Nope!"
"No rats or mice either?"
"Of course not!"
"Have you tried with pulling the lease on its necklace and see if it slows down?"
"Well, then we would have caught it by now, wouldn't we?!"
"Alright, I think I got it! There's eight of you, right?"
"Ehm, I think so?"
"Good! I want six of you to try to corner the cat! Surround it and once you've cornered it, gang pile it!"
"It would die from the weight!"
"Nonsense! Cats are the ants of mammals! They can carry weights that are many times heavier than their own weight!"
"No, they cannot! And we would still be too heavy! And what about the remaining two dogs?"
"They would serve as a distraction to the enemy, taunting him and all that, so he stops interrupting your work and aim strictly at these two who are trying to tank him!"
"Alright fine! Bull and Guruko! You heard the support agent! Taunt the enemy!"
"Sir, yes sir!"
"Gotcha covered!"
"And make sure you don't get hit by the ninjutsu magic!" Naruto warned in advance.
Kakashi chuckled at this sight of two dog golems making hilarious offensive gestures against hi-... that gesture... How dare he say about his daddy?!
Kakashi's eye flared red as his rage button was pressed and he made one hand seal and then lowered his arm as he channeled his chakra into a deadly ball of lightning, which then coated his arm in a gauntlet of lightning that thundered with a fury.
"Eat this! Lightning Cutter!"
And then he thrust the arm coated with blinding blue lightning at the dog golems who could only look at the incoming death with terror.
"Hey scarecrow! Eat this!" a voice shouted into his ear from the right, at a distance which was disturbingly close, so Kakashi moved with instinct and aimed his technique to the right, in order to counter the unknown voice with deadly force.
...There was nothing there. But he could swear that he heard-
"Hey Kakashi!"
A voice shouted from behind him and he whirled around, cancelling out his technique so he would not accidentally harm himself-
And was instantly greeted with the warm introduction of two soles and the feet and body that were attached to them which landed on his face with quite high velocity.
"I'm over here!" Naruto screamed as he sent his senior falling downwards due to the force of the kick or landing depending on how one viewed it.
"Oy, we managed to get the bell!"
"Sweet! Great job!" Naruto turned to the mob of dog golems that was harassing the cat.
"Did anyone get hurt?"
"No. The armor protected us. Thank you for your help!"
"You're welcome! Have a nice day!"
*CLICK*
Naruto removed the headset and then stretched his arms over his head.
"Aww yeah, it feels good to help people!"
"I'm glad that you feel like that, 'cause I'm gonna help you now..."
Naruto froze at the disturbingly calm voice of Kakashi who appeared behind him.
"I now have a basic evaluation of your skills and knowledge. You're not an elite ninja or even a chuunin or a genin. You belong in another department for now. Follow me and I'll take you to it.
Kakashi dismissed the dog golems and then led the confused young man away, first on a quick toilet break and then to his new work station, which was five minutes away from their previous location.
---------------
"Welcome to your new work station! I hope you'll like it here!"
Kakashi smiled and Naruto looked really disappointed.
After all, who would willing work in a department with the name Academy students and/or rejects department?