Thanks, Fenrir, for the feedback.
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Alty and Gilgy's Badump Badump First Date
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It was a temptation.
I knew that from the very start. It was a tingling desire, an opportunity that was far too good to pass up. I could only scarcely imagine it, a world entirely free of that burdening annoyance that blighted me at least once a day. My mind was filled with an uplifting relief at the mere thought, so how could I possibly pass it up?
But it was a temptation, and I knew very well that there were dangers hidden within those. I might have considered it merely a suffering for the greater good, but the offer itself was just too good to be true, regardless of his price.
Three dates. All it would take was three dates, three small outings and I could be free of Gilgamesh's advances forever.
"Oh!" I smothered a smile as another pleasant tingle went up my spine from the thought.
It wasn't that I particularly hated Gilgamesh; he had just become an eyesore is all. His boredom had apparently reached an all time high, and instead of drinking himself into a stupor, or trying to destroy the world, he'd tried to alleviate the dullness of everyday life by wooing me. Since then, I'd had to suffer through his personality at least once every day.
EVERY. DAY.
I'd been fine the first week, but after the second, I'd started getting irritable. After the fourth, I would have been willing to give up my first born to make him stop. And then he, against everything I knew about him, offered me a chance for just that.
For just three dates.
He had even offered a way to shorten it to a single date, which I had quickly agreed to: He'd make just a single pass at me during the entire outing, and if I rejected him as usual—in other words, immediately—the whole matter would be over in a single night.
So what if he decided that destroying the world might be a better use of his time after he'd given up on me? As an opponent, Gilgamesh was dangerous, but as a suitor, he was absolutely unbearable. I would take a fight to the death over his daily advances with relish.
With that in mind, I glanced at the clock and nodded to myself. It was nearly time for me to leave if I wanted to catch the bus and make it on time. I didn't bother to murmur a farewell as I left the Emiya residence—it was already empty since Shirou, Rin, Sakura, and even were all elsewhere. I believed Shirou was working, but I had been on a high nearly the whole day and hadn't quite been paying as much attention as I should have.
With a few quick motions, I stood with my shoes on and departed without a word.
---
From the very moment I stepped off the bus and spotted Gilgamesh, I was taken off guard. All blissful musings of my Gilgamesh-less future flew out of my mind as that subtle unease that had prodding me all day finally issued a clear warning.
It couldn't be that easy—Gilgamesh had something up his sleeve. Just what he was planning, of course, was the question.
The fact that he was now a little boy only made me more uneasy.
"G-Gilgamesh?" I stumbled over my words briefly as I approached the waving young boy.
Well, young boy might not have been quite fair. As I stood next to him I realized he was only a few centimeters shorter than me. His features were youthful, but not quite to the point of being preteen as I had seen him once upon a time. He was, however, decidedly younger than what he had been for the past few weeks.
"Hello, Saber," Gilgamesh smiled brightly as his arm flopped down. Even with his enthusiastic waving at an end, I could still see his body almost bouncing with excitement. "I'm glad you could make it! I've been looking forward to this all day!"
"I... I have too," I agreed dully, 'Although probably not for the same reason as you.'
"Why..." I licked my lips as I tried to settle the bludgeoning unease attacking my instincts. "Why are you a child?"
"Hm?" Gilgamesh quirked his head to the side at my question, his smile not diminishing at all. "Oh, I'm not a child, am I? I mean, I should be just a bit younger than you!"
"As for why... well, hm." Gilgamesh's smile shifted into a curious expression. "Well, let's just say it's a secret!"
"A secret..." I sighed. I couldn't complain, really. Even if this was part of some scheme, the payoff was just too good to ignore. So thinking, I decided to put my unease to the side and just grin and bear it.
"Well, I suppose that's fair." I nodded, my mood shifting into a neutral feeling. "Did you have something planned for today?"
"Oh yeah!" Gilgamesh nodded vigorously, his excitement almost glowing from his red eyes. "Let's just wander about a bit though; I think there were a few shops you might like before we move on from here."
"Very well," I agreed, beginning to get back into my own pace.
---
It reminded me of a simple shopping trip, although less in the way of groceries and more browsing. The variety of stores in Fuyuki had long since stopped surprising me, but the fact that I could find something of at least mild interest was intriguing.
The first stop was a clothing store, and Gilgamesh immediately steered them right into the women's section to my dismay. A floral dress, and a frilly top and skirt, among others, were stacked onto each other to my increasing dread. He couldn’t possibly expect me to wear them for him, did he?
“Anything catch your eye, Saber?†Gilgamesh’s eyes seemed to twinkle as he picked up his small stack of clothes.
“I...†I stumbled for a moment. Should I suffer through it? If I just grit my teeth and bear it, I could never have to deal with him again, right? Wait, was this the pass!? "N-no... nothing caught my eye."
"I see, too bad." Gilgamesh nodded turned towards the changing room. "Wait a bit, 'kay? I'm gonna try these on!"
"Wh-what?" My brain grinded to a halt as Gilgamesh did exactly that, popping out of the small booth a few moments later clad in the frilly combo he'd picked up.
"What do you think?" Gilgamesh gave an experimental spin, twirling the skirt as he gave me a view of it on him. His enthusiasm wasn't dampened in the slightest as I gaped wordlessly, trying to grasp at anything to exclaim. It did, in fact, look good on him. His younger, less masculine features and light complexion matched the sunny colors.
"I... what?" I tried to articulate something—anything—but eventually just stumbled to an awkward splutter. I felt my face burning from embarrassment, not necessarily because he was cross-dressing—that would have been nothing but hypocrisy—but little more than feeling utterly off guard. I had expected many things, none of them good, on the date, but my current situation had never even crossed the very fringes of my mind.
"Speechless?" Gilgamesh glanced over himself with a quirked expression. "I didn't expect it to look THAT good."
I felt a pang of annoyance as Gilgamesh—intentionally, perhaps—mistook my fumbling as a compliment. In a way, I decided, he wasn't exactly wrong. Perhaps because of that, his assumption was mildly galling to my sensibilities. Yet, at the same time, that pang of annoyance was accompanied by a feeling of shame. I disliked Gilgamesh, certainly, and he was presumption to take my speechlessness as a message of approval. However, when I had assumed much myself, what right did I have to feel annoyance?
"Yes, it looks good on you." I let the words slip out airily as I came to a decision. If I was going to survive our date, I needed to take every situation as its own encounter. Gilgamesh's behavior was wholly changed from its usual sorts. Assuming anything would only leave me feeling annoyed with myself. Besides, it would leave me with some pleasant memories for the future.
"Really?" Gilgamesh grinned. "Nice!"
As Gilgamesh tried on several more changes of clothes, I answered honestly to his desire for input. At the same time, I imagined the reaction his older self might have had being garbed as such. The thought caused a tiny smile to be present throughout the display of outfits. While not exactly the height of wit, I knew that even if the whole thing fell through and Gilgamesh went back to his annoying wooing the next day, I would have plenty of ammunition to taunt him with.
In the end, Gilgamesh actually bought several of the outfits I felt fit well, along with a floral hairclip he steered me towards at the end. I thought of refusing, but after my imagination put me in a good mood, I decided to not be boorish. I could easily discard it later if necessary, and really, even if my usual hair style didn't lend towards the use of a hairclip, it did look nice.
As we moved on with the shopping I almost let myself slip. There were a great number of shops in the Verde, and many, many temptations. Internally I was thankful that our next stop after that clothing store was the Fancy Shop. It quickly shook me out of my pleasant buzz as I remembered just who I was with. In fact, as I gazed on the endless rows of beautiful renditions of adorable wildlife, it was not at all an exaggeration to say that a younger, less arrogant Gilgamesh was far more dangerous than his older self.
"How about this one, Saber?" Gilgamesh held up a lion over half his size in front of me. "I bet it'd look great in your room."
"N-no," I fumbled momentarily as a wave of nostalgia hit me. "The, uh, colors would not match."
"Hmm, too bad... Would you mind holding it while look at this other plushy? It reminds me of something." The lion was lighter than it looked. That was my first thought after my mumbled protest was bypass and the stuffed animal was placed in my hands. Honestly, I was only dimly aware of Gilgamesh humming over a several other toys. While the structure of the face was only a caricature of a real lion, it still managed to retain an almost... regal sense of adorability.
A shiver went up my back, and I quickly glanced to the side; encircling the stuffed animal in my left arm and away from my direct gaze. I felt a glare filter onto my face momentarily as I saw Gilgamesh pick up another large toy, this one of a bull with abundantly large horns. His polite enthusiasm belayed a quiet, sly nature. His attempt to pressuring me into accepting such a lavish gift was clearly just a ploy for some other aim. I nodded firmly, resolving to refuse any attempts at leaving me off guard enough to not defend against his promised advance.
"I do hope you're not planning on carrying these around throughout the day." I kept my tone neutral as I attempted to brush away the pang of emotion the lion had stirred up from my memories. In a way, I could admire his approach at distracting me. He only had one shot, so he had to make it count.
"Oh, no, no." Gilgamesh shook his head, and strangely enough also shook the bull's head in synch. "I'll just have them deliver it like I did with those clothes. Stores like these really are convenient!
"Still, I think these two should be enough for me." Gilgamesh glanced at the lion I was carefully averting my gaze from, and back to the bull in front of him. "Unless anything's caught your eye, I guess we can move on."
"No, moving on is fine with me." I murmured my agreement, and strolled away with him to the register.
We continued on from shop to shop. I continued to hold my guard up firmly against anything that could be accepted as a romantic gesture, and silently cursed my weaker will earlier in the day. The clip in my pocket felt like a poison, slowly eating away at me—it wasn't the pass, was it!?
Surely not.
Between my attempts to smooth away my uneasy thoughts and the temptations I had to endure from Gilgamesh's cunning, I was totally unprepared for an embarrassment of my own making as we passed by a vendor serving ice cream. It was the sound of a savage, unruly beast that I often took great delights in soothing.
Or to put more simply, my stomach made the most unearthly growl in its desire to sate its hunger. Perhaps it should not have been surprising, truly, even with the luxurious lunch which had been prepared for me. It had been an early lunch, after all, and it had been quite some time since then. The light of the sun had dimmed as its descent in the sky became more pronounced.
"Oh!" Gilgamesh looked shocked, and I couldn't hold back the blush that burned its way up to my face. Of all the people to hear it...! "I am so sorry, Saber!"
"I completely forgot about dinner!" He did, in fact, sound and look genuinely abashed. His eyes widened just so, with a tinged of red flushing his cheeks. "Let me make it up to you, I'll pay for whatever you want to eat, as much as you want!"
"I..." There it was—that sly nature of his. A romantic dinner, was it? Or had he genuinely forgot to plan for food? It was actually difficult for me to tell. "I'm not sure..."
"Oh, please! I feel bad about it, really. It's arguably the most important part of our date!" Gilgamesh lifted his finger to point down a street we'd just come down. "I think I saw a restaurant the way we came. I know I've been teasing you this whole time by trying to buy things for you, but really, could you just think of it as a favor for me this time?"
"I..." His insistence felt like a trap. At the same time, he was also making it clear that it was a safe acceptance with it. But then, what wasn't a trap within this date? "Very well, a favor then."
I attempted to beat down another blush as my stomach grunted an agreement as well.
---
The dinner was extensive. And delicious. Appetizers, a full meal, second courses, and then an extravagant desert, all in a somewhat private corner of a well lit room with dark decor and a quiet atmosphere.
I knew that whatever Gilgamesh had planned would be attempted here, but I also couldn't help the feeling of utter satisfaction that came from a wonderful meal. It was a weakness of mine, really, to feel so mellow in such a dangerous situation.
Yet all Gilgamesh did was engage in small talk. Unlike the excited chatter that had permeated our somewhat stilted conversations throughout the day, this was... dare I say, somewhat casual. I learned more of the new keeper of the Fuyuki church than I cared to, and hoped never to have to visit her, or be visited by her. I also let myself speak of idle things as well, of a smattering of conversation I'd had over another meal some nights ago, of a different day of amusement together with Rin, or Shirou, or whomever. As time went on I couldn't help a snort of laughter after Gilgamesh flashed a smirk upon finishing a retelling of a rather woeful experience of his "roommate" of sorts.
I froze. It came to me suddenly—unexpectedly. I was actually enjoying myself. I had been enjoying myself, really, the entire day. Despite keeping up my guard, all the little things kept piling up into a sort of general swirl of amusement.
"What is your food server up to right now, anyway?" Gilgamesh licked off a bit of chocolate clinging to his lips as he asked, his eyes lit up with humor.
"...Shirou?" I blinked. I did remember Shirou mentioning he would be out for the evening over breakfast, but my mind during the day had been in a happy bubble. "I'm not quite sure."
Now that he was brought to mind, however, I felt a sickly feeling wrapping around my stomach. I wet my lips nervously, and my back itched. A question popped up in my mind that hadn't quite occurred to me. As much as I had ignored it as a necessary evil to rid myself of a blight on my life, it was still a date, wasn't it? The fact that I had been genuinely enjoying myself only made the question all more burning.
What exactly would Shirou think about this?
Were we lovers after all. More than that, Shirou and I were partners. Was this, then, not a betrayal? It felt absurd in some ways, given how close Shirou was to many other women around him. Yet, those same women were ones I counted as dear friends.
Gilgamesh was... not. He was arguably our greatest enemy.
And I was on a date with him.
"Hmm... Well, changing the subject a bit, what do you think about Rin and Sakura?" Gilgamesh abruptly brought me out of my daze.
"Rin? Um." I fumbled briefly. "They're both very admirable women, I suppose?"
I felt mildly embarrassed by my stumbling words. There were many things I could say about those two, some of it certainly not something I would wish to tell Gilgamesh yes, but it felt very inadequate to leave my thoughts at that.
"No, no," Gilgamesh shook his head, brushing away any attempt at continuing on that trail. "I mean, what do you think about those two as... mm, how to put it, fellow companions?"
I blinked. The insinuation took several seconds to filter into my mind. On one hand, I felt like I should be offended, but on the other, this gave me time to put my thoughts and emotions back in order from the shake up my epiphany caused.
"I'm happy for them." I demurred. "The fact that they also found happiness like I did is a blessing."
It was true, and now that it came to mind, it did bring another layer upon my question. Why did I feel as if this date, which I had little romantic inclination to anyway, was a betrayal? Shirou's relationship with Rin and Sakura was as deep as my own, both as partners and lovers. Our relationships were different, of course, but no less intimate. As opposed to my relationship with Gilgamesh which I could easily describe as shallow.
Yet, on another view, those relationships were ones I had watched bud. I could have waylaid the intimacy of Rin and Sakura's relationship in some manner, but I had chosen not to. In fact, I had encouraged them in small ways here and there, although not consciously at the time. They were women I was comfortable sharing Shirou's love life with.
Would Shirou feel the same way if he knew what I was doing? It would be hypocrisy for him to feel betrayed even were I, against all sanity, actively pursuing Gilgamesh, but...
The feeling was still present. Putting aside what Shirou felt, no matter how I rationalized, I felt like I was betraying him.
"So, really, you wouldn't feel any problem with us being in a relationship, right?" I jolted as Gilgamesh spoke, his words felt as if they were piercing into my mind.
"N..." I stumbled, swallowing. "Not in theory, but that would be under the consideration that I desired such a relationship with you, which I do not."
My words all spilled out in one breath, and I realized I was panicking. A painful adrenaline that surged through my body without any outlet—it took all of my will to clamp down on my trembling.
"Really? Why not?" Gilgamesh's tone and expression held no malice, only honest curiosity.
"You..." I swallowed again, cursing my nervousness. "Your behavior is... unbearable."
"I told you I was sorry, I didn't mean to lose track of the time, or tease you all that mu—" I held up my hand, feeling my face twist into a glare.
"No, I meant in general. You were tolerable today, but you are not normally like this." As much as it pained me to admit, it was true. I had enjoyed myself, and Gilgamesh had behaved himself admirable. I would have likely fully enjoyed myself had I not been on alert throughout the time we spent together.
However, this younger Gilgamesh was not the true one in my mind. The older King of Heroes, who enjoyed watching me suffer, and brutish desire to own me as one of his countless possessions. That was the true Gilgamesh to me.
"You asked me a while back just why I drank my potion of youth and became younger, didn’t you, Saber?" Gilgamesh's expression held none of the humor of our previous conversation. His enthusiasm had given way to an earnest solemnity.
"Well, the truth is... I realized I wouldn’t be able to interest you as I was. My older self is just way too rigid." Gilgamesh paused momentarily, pursing his lips thoughtfully. "Not that I really think I’m wrong about a lot of stuff, but, you know, I can change. Not as an adult, weirdly enough, but I can just turn back the clock and try to change that way instead."
"Why...?" I stare at him, baffled. It was almost inconceivable. It flew against everything I thought I knew about Gilgamesh, the true Gilgamesh, that he would put his pride to the wayside.
"Why? Well..." A curious look filtered into Gilgamesh's eyes. A visage of maturity... of wisdom, perhaps, that belayed his youthful features. "I wanted to give it an honest attempt. A real relationship between us, I mean. I have a lot of fun trying to make you my possession, and I do enjoy your anguish, but I also love other things about you too. Or at least, I think that’s the reasoning I had. It gets sort of muddled in the process."
I felt a stab of emotion in my chest. I felt like I was transparent. I felt a great number of things, but I swallowed it all. I couldn't deal with it.
"I don't." I felt sick. "I'm not interested in a relationship with you, Gilgamesh, even changed as you are."
"Why not?" Gilgamesh blinked in surprise. "I mean, I can understand some reluctance, but you don't even really know me."
"I..." I gaped. "I don't...?"
"What is a relationship anyway, Saber?" Gilgamesh shrugged. "In this era, aren't dates supposed to be about exploring another person's personality? Getting a feel for them? You said you didn't mind my behavior, and you don't think a relationship would be impossible for us even considering Shirou, so why not?"
"You aren't...?" I could barely think, I could barely breathe. Was there something in the food? What was wrong with me? Was he using some sort of Noble Phantasm to read my mind? Why now? How could I even...?
"What's so different, really? Between me and Shirou?" Gilgamesh paused. "Well, besides that he cooks for you, I mean. I guess I'd like to know what would be the main difference if Shirou had taken you on a date like this. What would be so different that you wouldn't reject him?"
I opened my mouth to answer, but no words came out. I felt like a dunce, literally speechless. Yet, Gilgamesh had nothing to add now. He waited, looking at me, letting me pull myself together.
It was impossible.
I glanced away. So many different arguments, excuses, filtered through my mind. Most of them were only barely coherent. I couldn't even sort my own emotions out, let alone the reasons behind them.
I drew a deep breath. The swell of emotions didn't abate, but I no longer felt constricted. Gilgamesh wasn't moving, he wasn't pressuring, and I felt like he might very well have accepted my silence as an answer. However, more than answering him, I felt a need to answer myself.
What was different? Besides the obvious, of course, Gilgamesh was not Shirou, different behavior or not. Shirou wouldn't have teased me with gifts he knew I didn't want to accept, Shirou wouldn't have cross-dressed... at least I don't think he would have. Yet, it wasn't exactly like I disliked either of those things. The teasing was playful, and I had come to appreciate the banter between friends, which it was not far off from. The cross-dressing... well, it was shocking, but I felt more amusement than anything, and I believe that was much the point: to amuse me.
What was a relationship?
Growing closer to someone? I felt bewildered by this strange Gilgamesh, not like his child self nor his adult self either. Did I enjoy being with him? Honestly, there was nothing I disliked, but...
I didn't really know him, did I? I didn't really know anything about any Gilgamesh; I had always avoided knowing him due to the ugliness he showed in public.
Something about Gilgamesh's question tickled at my mind. I felt it itching at the corners of it, just beyond my conscious thought. It felt important, but also unrelated. The difference between Shirou and Gilgamesh...
In the dimly lit room, I closed my eyes as I concentrated, trying to grasp at it. I thought back to my last date with Shirou. It was...
Where we...?
A blank.
I sat back, now feeling mildly disturbed. When, exactly, had I last gone on a date with Shirou? I did remember some. I remember our rather awkward first date, and also our first real fight. Ironic, considering it was also a rather painful defeat when I fought Gilgamesh.
But it certainly wasn't the only one. I remembered spatters of others, but nothing concrete. Nothing... fulfilling. It was distressing to draw a blank on it. When was the last time I had some quality time with Shirou at all? We were together a lot, certainly, but often in groups. The only consistent time was our training before lunch. Was that the only time we spent alone together? When was the last time we made love? I wasn't able to grasp at any answers, and felt an empty feeling settle in my stomach.
I swallowed as I opened my eyes to see the dark table cloth. I almost didn't recognize it. My escape into my memories knocked away my sense of time and place. I wasn't surprised when I looked up to see Gilgamesh, still patiently, silently waiting as if a Buddha. Even at my gaze, at whatever expression I was making, he was silent, motionless.
"It's..." I paused, licking my lips. "The difference is... nothing important. I'm sorry, Gilgamesh. I've been lying to you."
I stumbled. There should have been so much I should say, but I couldn't articulate any of it.
"Saber," Gilgamesh interrupted me, finally. "I'm going to kiss you."
"Wh-wh..." I froze. I realized I was leaning over the table, almost partway towards him. I didn't even remember when I had slumped during my apology.
Was it because of my confusion? No. My immediate reaction was to pull back in panic, but I didn't move. Was it because I was ashamed of lying? No, not exactly. I stood still as he leaned his face to mine because I wanted him to kiss me.
After all, I lied about wanting to be in a relationship with him. Perhaps not a romantic relationship, but I did like our date. I wanted to get to know this other side of Gilgamesh; I wanted to know what he liked about me that he felt he wanted to change himself for.
My lips burned as he kissed them. I tasted a tang of chocolate. I heard a moan. I felt a daze.
When Gilgamesh pulled back, I licked my lips, tasting his saliva. I swallowed and closed my eyes.
I lost.
---
I was quiet when I returned home. Gilgamesh had escorted me partway there, but neither of us had spoken a word. Not of idle chatter, banter, or farewells. He probably saw my struggle, and kept silent. It was, really, quite kind. If he had made another advance, I wouldn't have rejected it either, or another, or another.
My body was blazing. I had consumed no alcohol, yet I felt on fire. It continued to burn even as I stepped into the still empty house, and sat down in my room. I couldn't control it. That should have been frightening to me, but if anything, I felt an excitement. It had built within me since my kiss with Gilgamesh, and had been continually stoked through our silent walk.
My body was aroused. I needed to burn it off, one way or another. My first idea was to wait for Shirou to return, an opposition to that plan quickly struck me. The part of my mind that had been paying attention during the morning finally saw fit to remind me that Shirou was working overtime at Copenhagen. It explained why he wasn't home, and why he would not be home until much later. Likewise, Rin, Sakura, and Rider were otherwise occupied.
I thought of burning off my excitement by training, but without a sparring partner, I knew it would only lead to more frustration. That left only one other choice, a choice I readily surrendered to, and stripped off my clothes.
Afterward, I felt a pang of shame. It was not from the act, but from another thought and emotion that bubbled up in the afterglow. In a daze, I thought not of Shirou, and addressing the problems I'd encountered with our current relationship, or of anything else to do the others living at the Emiya residence.
I wondered when Gilgamesh would ask for the second date, and felt excitement at the thought of what we might do on it. Whatever it might be, I was looking forward to it.
---
First Date—End
---
---
Alty and Gilgy's Badump Badump First Date
---
It was a temptation.
I knew that from the very start. It was a tingling desire, an opportunity that was far too good to pass up. I could only scarcely imagine it, a world entirely free of that burdening annoyance that blighted me at least once a day. My mind was filled with an uplifting relief at the mere thought, so how could I possibly pass it up?
But it was a temptation, and I knew very well that there were dangers hidden within those. I might have considered it merely a suffering for the greater good, but the offer itself was just too good to be true, regardless of his price.
Three dates. All it would take was three dates, three small outings and I could be free of Gilgamesh's advances forever.
"Oh!" I smothered a smile as another pleasant tingle went up my spine from the thought.
It wasn't that I particularly hated Gilgamesh; he had just become an eyesore is all. His boredom had apparently reached an all time high, and instead of drinking himself into a stupor, or trying to destroy the world, he'd tried to alleviate the dullness of everyday life by wooing me. Since then, I'd had to suffer through his personality at least once every day.
EVERY. DAY.
I'd been fine the first week, but after the second, I'd started getting irritable. After the fourth, I would have been willing to give up my first born to make him stop. And then he, against everything I knew about him, offered me a chance for just that.
For just three dates.
He had even offered a way to shorten it to a single date, which I had quickly agreed to: He'd make just a single pass at me during the entire outing, and if I rejected him as usual—in other words, immediately—the whole matter would be over in a single night.
So what if he decided that destroying the world might be a better use of his time after he'd given up on me? As an opponent, Gilgamesh was dangerous, but as a suitor, he was absolutely unbearable. I would take a fight to the death over his daily advances with relish.
With that in mind, I glanced at the clock and nodded to myself. It was nearly time for me to leave if I wanted to catch the bus and make it on time. I didn't bother to murmur a farewell as I left the Emiya residence—it was already empty since Shirou, Rin, Sakura, and even were all elsewhere. I believed Shirou was working, but I had been on a high nearly the whole day and hadn't quite been paying as much attention as I should have.
With a few quick motions, I stood with my shoes on and departed without a word.
---
From the very moment I stepped off the bus and spotted Gilgamesh, I was taken off guard. All blissful musings of my Gilgamesh-less future flew out of my mind as that subtle unease that had prodding me all day finally issued a clear warning.
It couldn't be that easy—Gilgamesh had something up his sleeve. Just what he was planning, of course, was the question.
The fact that he was now a little boy only made me more uneasy.
"G-Gilgamesh?" I stumbled over my words briefly as I approached the waving young boy.
Well, young boy might not have been quite fair. As I stood next to him I realized he was only a few centimeters shorter than me. His features were youthful, but not quite to the point of being preteen as I had seen him once upon a time. He was, however, decidedly younger than what he had been for the past few weeks.
"Hello, Saber," Gilgamesh smiled brightly as his arm flopped down. Even with his enthusiastic waving at an end, I could still see his body almost bouncing with excitement. "I'm glad you could make it! I've been looking forward to this all day!"
"I... I have too," I agreed dully, 'Although probably not for the same reason as you.'
"Why..." I licked my lips as I tried to settle the bludgeoning unease attacking my instincts. "Why are you a child?"
"Hm?" Gilgamesh quirked his head to the side at my question, his smile not diminishing at all. "Oh, I'm not a child, am I? I mean, I should be just a bit younger than you!"
"As for why... well, hm." Gilgamesh's smile shifted into a curious expression. "Well, let's just say it's a secret!"
"A secret..." I sighed. I couldn't complain, really. Even if this was part of some scheme, the payoff was just too good to ignore. So thinking, I decided to put my unease to the side and just grin and bear it.
"Well, I suppose that's fair." I nodded, my mood shifting into a neutral feeling. "Did you have something planned for today?"
"Oh yeah!" Gilgamesh nodded vigorously, his excitement almost glowing from his red eyes. "Let's just wander about a bit though; I think there were a few shops you might like before we move on from here."
"Very well," I agreed, beginning to get back into my own pace.
---
It reminded me of a simple shopping trip, although less in the way of groceries and more browsing. The variety of stores in Fuyuki had long since stopped surprising me, but the fact that I could find something of at least mild interest was intriguing.
The first stop was a clothing store, and Gilgamesh immediately steered them right into the women's section to my dismay. A floral dress, and a frilly top and skirt, among others, were stacked onto each other to my increasing dread. He couldn’t possibly expect me to wear them for him, did he?
“Anything catch your eye, Saber?†Gilgamesh’s eyes seemed to twinkle as he picked up his small stack of clothes.
“I...†I stumbled for a moment. Should I suffer through it? If I just grit my teeth and bear it, I could never have to deal with him again, right? Wait, was this the pass!? "N-no... nothing caught my eye."
"I see, too bad." Gilgamesh nodded turned towards the changing room. "Wait a bit, 'kay? I'm gonna try these on!"
"Wh-what?" My brain grinded to a halt as Gilgamesh did exactly that, popping out of the small booth a few moments later clad in the frilly combo he'd picked up.
"What do you think?" Gilgamesh gave an experimental spin, twirling the skirt as he gave me a view of it on him. His enthusiasm wasn't dampened in the slightest as I gaped wordlessly, trying to grasp at anything to exclaim. It did, in fact, look good on him. His younger, less masculine features and light complexion matched the sunny colors.
"I... what?" I tried to articulate something—anything—but eventually just stumbled to an awkward splutter. I felt my face burning from embarrassment, not necessarily because he was cross-dressing—that would have been nothing but hypocrisy—but little more than feeling utterly off guard. I had expected many things, none of them good, on the date, but my current situation had never even crossed the very fringes of my mind.
"Speechless?" Gilgamesh glanced over himself with a quirked expression. "I didn't expect it to look THAT good."
I felt a pang of annoyance as Gilgamesh—intentionally, perhaps—mistook my fumbling as a compliment. In a way, I decided, he wasn't exactly wrong. Perhaps because of that, his assumption was mildly galling to my sensibilities. Yet, at the same time, that pang of annoyance was accompanied by a feeling of shame. I disliked Gilgamesh, certainly, and he was presumption to take my speechlessness as a message of approval. However, when I had assumed much myself, what right did I have to feel annoyance?
"Yes, it looks good on you." I let the words slip out airily as I came to a decision. If I was going to survive our date, I needed to take every situation as its own encounter. Gilgamesh's behavior was wholly changed from its usual sorts. Assuming anything would only leave me feeling annoyed with myself. Besides, it would leave me with some pleasant memories for the future.
"Really?" Gilgamesh grinned. "Nice!"
As Gilgamesh tried on several more changes of clothes, I answered honestly to his desire for input. At the same time, I imagined the reaction his older self might have had being garbed as such. The thought caused a tiny smile to be present throughout the display of outfits. While not exactly the height of wit, I knew that even if the whole thing fell through and Gilgamesh went back to his annoying wooing the next day, I would have plenty of ammunition to taunt him with.
In the end, Gilgamesh actually bought several of the outfits I felt fit well, along with a floral hairclip he steered me towards at the end. I thought of refusing, but after my imagination put me in a good mood, I decided to not be boorish. I could easily discard it later if necessary, and really, even if my usual hair style didn't lend towards the use of a hairclip, it did look nice.
As we moved on with the shopping I almost let myself slip. There were a great number of shops in the Verde, and many, many temptations. Internally I was thankful that our next stop after that clothing store was the Fancy Shop. It quickly shook me out of my pleasant buzz as I remembered just who I was with. In fact, as I gazed on the endless rows of beautiful renditions of adorable wildlife, it was not at all an exaggeration to say that a younger, less arrogant Gilgamesh was far more dangerous than his older self.
"How about this one, Saber?" Gilgamesh held up a lion over half his size in front of me. "I bet it'd look great in your room."
"N-no," I fumbled momentarily as a wave of nostalgia hit me. "The, uh, colors would not match."
"Hmm, too bad... Would you mind holding it while look at this other plushy? It reminds me of something." The lion was lighter than it looked. That was my first thought after my mumbled protest was bypass and the stuffed animal was placed in my hands. Honestly, I was only dimly aware of Gilgamesh humming over a several other toys. While the structure of the face was only a caricature of a real lion, it still managed to retain an almost... regal sense of adorability.
A shiver went up my back, and I quickly glanced to the side; encircling the stuffed animal in my left arm and away from my direct gaze. I felt a glare filter onto my face momentarily as I saw Gilgamesh pick up another large toy, this one of a bull with abundantly large horns. His polite enthusiasm belayed a quiet, sly nature. His attempt to pressuring me into accepting such a lavish gift was clearly just a ploy for some other aim. I nodded firmly, resolving to refuse any attempts at leaving me off guard enough to not defend against his promised advance.
"I do hope you're not planning on carrying these around throughout the day." I kept my tone neutral as I attempted to brush away the pang of emotion the lion had stirred up from my memories. In a way, I could admire his approach at distracting me. He only had one shot, so he had to make it count.
"Oh, no, no." Gilgamesh shook his head, and strangely enough also shook the bull's head in synch. "I'll just have them deliver it like I did with those clothes. Stores like these really are convenient!
"Still, I think these two should be enough for me." Gilgamesh glanced at the lion I was carefully averting my gaze from, and back to the bull in front of him. "Unless anything's caught your eye, I guess we can move on."
"No, moving on is fine with me." I murmured my agreement, and strolled away with him to the register.
We continued on from shop to shop. I continued to hold my guard up firmly against anything that could be accepted as a romantic gesture, and silently cursed my weaker will earlier in the day. The clip in my pocket felt like a poison, slowly eating away at me—it wasn't the pass, was it!?
Surely not.
Between my attempts to smooth away my uneasy thoughts and the temptations I had to endure from Gilgamesh's cunning, I was totally unprepared for an embarrassment of my own making as we passed by a vendor serving ice cream. It was the sound of a savage, unruly beast that I often took great delights in soothing.
Or to put more simply, my stomach made the most unearthly growl in its desire to sate its hunger. Perhaps it should not have been surprising, truly, even with the luxurious lunch which had been prepared for me. It had been an early lunch, after all, and it had been quite some time since then. The light of the sun had dimmed as its descent in the sky became more pronounced.
"Oh!" Gilgamesh looked shocked, and I couldn't hold back the blush that burned its way up to my face. Of all the people to hear it...! "I am so sorry, Saber!"
"I completely forgot about dinner!" He did, in fact, sound and look genuinely abashed. His eyes widened just so, with a tinged of red flushing his cheeks. "Let me make it up to you, I'll pay for whatever you want to eat, as much as you want!"
"I..." There it was—that sly nature of his. A romantic dinner, was it? Or had he genuinely forgot to plan for food? It was actually difficult for me to tell. "I'm not sure..."
"Oh, please! I feel bad about it, really. It's arguably the most important part of our date!" Gilgamesh lifted his finger to point down a street we'd just come down. "I think I saw a restaurant the way we came. I know I've been teasing you this whole time by trying to buy things for you, but really, could you just think of it as a favor for me this time?"
"I..." His insistence felt like a trap. At the same time, he was also making it clear that it was a safe acceptance with it. But then, what wasn't a trap within this date? "Very well, a favor then."
I attempted to beat down another blush as my stomach grunted an agreement as well.
---
The dinner was extensive. And delicious. Appetizers, a full meal, second courses, and then an extravagant desert, all in a somewhat private corner of a well lit room with dark decor and a quiet atmosphere.
I knew that whatever Gilgamesh had planned would be attempted here, but I also couldn't help the feeling of utter satisfaction that came from a wonderful meal. It was a weakness of mine, really, to feel so mellow in such a dangerous situation.
Yet all Gilgamesh did was engage in small talk. Unlike the excited chatter that had permeated our somewhat stilted conversations throughout the day, this was... dare I say, somewhat casual. I learned more of the new keeper of the Fuyuki church than I cared to, and hoped never to have to visit her, or be visited by her. I also let myself speak of idle things as well, of a smattering of conversation I'd had over another meal some nights ago, of a different day of amusement together with Rin, or Shirou, or whomever. As time went on I couldn't help a snort of laughter after Gilgamesh flashed a smirk upon finishing a retelling of a rather woeful experience of his "roommate" of sorts.
I froze. It came to me suddenly—unexpectedly. I was actually enjoying myself. I had been enjoying myself, really, the entire day. Despite keeping up my guard, all the little things kept piling up into a sort of general swirl of amusement.
"What is your food server up to right now, anyway?" Gilgamesh licked off a bit of chocolate clinging to his lips as he asked, his eyes lit up with humor.
"...Shirou?" I blinked. I did remember Shirou mentioning he would be out for the evening over breakfast, but my mind during the day had been in a happy bubble. "I'm not quite sure."
Now that he was brought to mind, however, I felt a sickly feeling wrapping around my stomach. I wet my lips nervously, and my back itched. A question popped up in my mind that hadn't quite occurred to me. As much as I had ignored it as a necessary evil to rid myself of a blight on my life, it was still a date, wasn't it? The fact that I had been genuinely enjoying myself only made the question all more burning.
What exactly would Shirou think about this?
Were we lovers after all. More than that, Shirou and I were partners. Was this, then, not a betrayal? It felt absurd in some ways, given how close Shirou was to many other women around him. Yet, those same women were ones I counted as dear friends.
Gilgamesh was... not. He was arguably our greatest enemy.
And I was on a date with him.
"Hmm... Well, changing the subject a bit, what do you think about Rin and Sakura?" Gilgamesh abruptly brought me out of my daze.
"Rin? Um." I fumbled briefly. "They're both very admirable women, I suppose?"
I felt mildly embarrassed by my stumbling words. There were many things I could say about those two, some of it certainly not something I would wish to tell Gilgamesh yes, but it felt very inadequate to leave my thoughts at that.
"No, no," Gilgamesh shook his head, brushing away any attempt at continuing on that trail. "I mean, what do you think about those two as... mm, how to put it, fellow companions?"
I blinked. The insinuation took several seconds to filter into my mind. On one hand, I felt like I should be offended, but on the other, this gave me time to put my thoughts and emotions back in order from the shake up my epiphany caused.
"I'm happy for them." I demurred. "The fact that they also found happiness like I did is a blessing."
It was true, and now that it came to mind, it did bring another layer upon my question. Why did I feel as if this date, which I had little romantic inclination to anyway, was a betrayal? Shirou's relationship with Rin and Sakura was as deep as my own, both as partners and lovers. Our relationships were different, of course, but no less intimate. As opposed to my relationship with Gilgamesh which I could easily describe as shallow.
Yet, on another view, those relationships were ones I had watched bud. I could have waylaid the intimacy of Rin and Sakura's relationship in some manner, but I had chosen not to. In fact, I had encouraged them in small ways here and there, although not consciously at the time. They were women I was comfortable sharing Shirou's love life with.
Would Shirou feel the same way if he knew what I was doing? It would be hypocrisy for him to feel betrayed even were I, against all sanity, actively pursuing Gilgamesh, but...
The feeling was still present. Putting aside what Shirou felt, no matter how I rationalized, I felt like I was betraying him.
"So, really, you wouldn't feel any problem with us being in a relationship, right?" I jolted as Gilgamesh spoke, his words felt as if they were piercing into my mind.
"N..." I stumbled, swallowing. "Not in theory, but that would be under the consideration that I desired such a relationship with you, which I do not."
My words all spilled out in one breath, and I realized I was panicking. A painful adrenaline that surged through my body without any outlet—it took all of my will to clamp down on my trembling.
"Really? Why not?" Gilgamesh's tone and expression held no malice, only honest curiosity.
"You..." I swallowed again, cursing my nervousness. "Your behavior is... unbearable."
"I told you I was sorry, I didn't mean to lose track of the time, or tease you all that mu—" I held up my hand, feeling my face twist into a glare.
"No, I meant in general. You were tolerable today, but you are not normally like this." As much as it pained me to admit, it was true. I had enjoyed myself, and Gilgamesh had behaved himself admirable. I would have likely fully enjoyed myself had I not been on alert throughout the time we spent together.
However, this younger Gilgamesh was not the true one in my mind. The older King of Heroes, who enjoyed watching me suffer, and brutish desire to own me as one of his countless possessions. That was the true Gilgamesh to me.
"You asked me a while back just why I drank my potion of youth and became younger, didn’t you, Saber?" Gilgamesh's expression held none of the humor of our previous conversation. His enthusiasm had given way to an earnest solemnity.
"Well, the truth is... I realized I wouldn’t be able to interest you as I was. My older self is just way too rigid." Gilgamesh paused momentarily, pursing his lips thoughtfully. "Not that I really think I’m wrong about a lot of stuff, but, you know, I can change. Not as an adult, weirdly enough, but I can just turn back the clock and try to change that way instead."
"Why...?" I stare at him, baffled. It was almost inconceivable. It flew against everything I thought I knew about Gilgamesh, the true Gilgamesh, that he would put his pride to the wayside.
"Why? Well..." A curious look filtered into Gilgamesh's eyes. A visage of maturity... of wisdom, perhaps, that belayed his youthful features. "I wanted to give it an honest attempt. A real relationship between us, I mean. I have a lot of fun trying to make you my possession, and I do enjoy your anguish, but I also love other things about you too. Or at least, I think that’s the reasoning I had. It gets sort of muddled in the process."
I felt a stab of emotion in my chest. I felt like I was transparent. I felt a great number of things, but I swallowed it all. I couldn't deal with it.
"I don't." I felt sick. "I'm not interested in a relationship with you, Gilgamesh, even changed as you are."
"Why not?" Gilgamesh blinked in surprise. "I mean, I can understand some reluctance, but you don't even really know me."
"I..." I gaped. "I don't...?"
"What is a relationship anyway, Saber?" Gilgamesh shrugged. "In this era, aren't dates supposed to be about exploring another person's personality? Getting a feel for them? You said you didn't mind my behavior, and you don't think a relationship would be impossible for us even considering Shirou, so why not?"
"You aren't...?" I could barely think, I could barely breathe. Was there something in the food? What was wrong with me? Was he using some sort of Noble Phantasm to read my mind? Why now? How could I even...?
"What's so different, really? Between me and Shirou?" Gilgamesh paused. "Well, besides that he cooks for you, I mean. I guess I'd like to know what would be the main difference if Shirou had taken you on a date like this. What would be so different that you wouldn't reject him?"
I opened my mouth to answer, but no words came out. I felt like a dunce, literally speechless. Yet, Gilgamesh had nothing to add now. He waited, looking at me, letting me pull myself together.
It was impossible.
I glanced away. So many different arguments, excuses, filtered through my mind. Most of them were only barely coherent. I couldn't even sort my own emotions out, let alone the reasons behind them.
I drew a deep breath. The swell of emotions didn't abate, but I no longer felt constricted. Gilgamesh wasn't moving, he wasn't pressuring, and I felt like he might very well have accepted my silence as an answer. However, more than answering him, I felt a need to answer myself.
What was different? Besides the obvious, of course, Gilgamesh was not Shirou, different behavior or not. Shirou wouldn't have teased me with gifts he knew I didn't want to accept, Shirou wouldn't have cross-dressed... at least I don't think he would have. Yet, it wasn't exactly like I disliked either of those things. The teasing was playful, and I had come to appreciate the banter between friends, which it was not far off from. The cross-dressing... well, it was shocking, but I felt more amusement than anything, and I believe that was much the point: to amuse me.
What was a relationship?
Growing closer to someone? I felt bewildered by this strange Gilgamesh, not like his child self nor his adult self either. Did I enjoy being with him? Honestly, there was nothing I disliked, but...
I didn't really know him, did I? I didn't really know anything about any Gilgamesh; I had always avoided knowing him due to the ugliness he showed in public.
Something about Gilgamesh's question tickled at my mind. I felt it itching at the corners of it, just beyond my conscious thought. It felt important, but also unrelated. The difference between Shirou and Gilgamesh...
In the dimly lit room, I closed my eyes as I concentrated, trying to grasp at it. I thought back to my last date with Shirou. It was...
Where we...?
A blank.
I sat back, now feeling mildly disturbed. When, exactly, had I last gone on a date with Shirou? I did remember some. I remember our rather awkward first date, and also our first real fight. Ironic, considering it was also a rather painful defeat when I fought Gilgamesh.
But it certainly wasn't the only one. I remembered spatters of others, but nothing concrete. Nothing... fulfilling. It was distressing to draw a blank on it. When was the last time I had some quality time with Shirou at all? We were together a lot, certainly, but often in groups. The only consistent time was our training before lunch. Was that the only time we spent alone together? When was the last time we made love? I wasn't able to grasp at any answers, and felt an empty feeling settle in my stomach.
I swallowed as I opened my eyes to see the dark table cloth. I almost didn't recognize it. My escape into my memories knocked away my sense of time and place. I wasn't surprised when I looked up to see Gilgamesh, still patiently, silently waiting as if a Buddha. Even at my gaze, at whatever expression I was making, he was silent, motionless.
"It's..." I paused, licking my lips. "The difference is... nothing important. I'm sorry, Gilgamesh. I've been lying to you."
I stumbled. There should have been so much I should say, but I couldn't articulate any of it.
"Saber," Gilgamesh interrupted me, finally. "I'm going to kiss you."
"Wh-wh..." I froze. I realized I was leaning over the table, almost partway towards him. I didn't even remember when I had slumped during my apology.
Was it because of my confusion? No. My immediate reaction was to pull back in panic, but I didn't move. Was it because I was ashamed of lying? No, not exactly. I stood still as he leaned his face to mine because I wanted him to kiss me.
After all, I lied about wanting to be in a relationship with him. Perhaps not a romantic relationship, but I did like our date. I wanted to get to know this other side of Gilgamesh; I wanted to know what he liked about me that he felt he wanted to change himself for.
My lips burned as he kissed them. I tasted a tang of chocolate. I heard a moan. I felt a daze.
When Gilgamesh pulled back, I licked my lips, tasting his saliva. I swallowed and closed my eyes.
I lost.
---
I was quiet when I returned home. Gilgamesh had escorted me partway there, but neither of us had spoken a word. Not of idle chatter, banter, or farewells. He probably saw my struggle, and kept silent. It was, really, quite kind. If he had made another advance, I wouldn't have rejected it either, or another, or another.
My body was blazing. I had consumed no alcohol, yet I felt on fire. It continued to burn even as I stepped into the still empty house, and sat down in my room. I couldn't control it. That should have been frightening to me, but if anything, I felt an excitement. It had built within me since my kiss with Gilgamesh, and had been continually stoked through our silent walk.
My body was aroused. I needed to burn it off, one way or another. My first idea was to wait for Shirou to return, an opposition to that plan quickly struck me. The part of my mind that had been paying attention during the morning finally saw fit to remind me that Shirou was working overtime at Copenhagen. It explained why he wasn't home, and why he would not be home until much later. Likewise, Rin, Sakura, and Rider were otherwise occupied.
I thought of burning off my excitement by training, but without a sparring partner, I knew it would only lead to more frustration. That left only one other choice, a choice I readily surrendered to, and stripped off my clothes.
Afterward, I felt a pang of shame. It was not from the act, but from another thought and emotion that bubbled up in the afterglow. In a daze, I thought not of Shirou, and addressing the problems I'd encountered with our current relationship, or of anything else to do the others living at the Emiya residence.
I wondered when Gilgamesh would ask for the second date, and felt excitement at the thought of what we might do on it. Whatever it might be, I was looking forward to it.
---
First Date—End
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