One Hell Of A School

[SotF]

Note: This has been a weird universe to create, and there is a lot of backstory that might help people appreciate some of what went into writing it.

This started back in Highschool when there were several weather days so we ended up having regular classes on a few saturdays, well, my english teacher didn't enjoy having to give up his weekend, so decided to do something fun instead.

The original project involved getting a list of all the classes offered by the school and letting us form groups, what we had to do was take historical figures that would make for an interesting teacher for each of those classes. We could exchange like for like, such as Spanish for another language or other things of the same type.

My group took the interesting part and decided to go with a school full of people that you wouldn't really want o have anywhere near a school lest they contaminate the kids. We had Hitler teaching Art, German, and Speech as well as Jack Kevorkian as the school Nurse...

Then after the class, a few friends tweaked it a bit, deciding that fictional characters would be more fun, cue the Nightmare Academy, or the school from hell.

During college, I'd found the old project and notes before writing a few bits and abandoned it again for various reasons at the time and the morbid humor wasn't interesting me.

Now, Big Human on Campus inspired me to start work on it again, and while there are references to previous iterations, they aren't entirely specified and I'd added in a few other incidents to explain the replacement teachers.

I'm planning on keeping the first post here as an out of story one, both a chapter index and a character listing for people.

The teachers are from all over the place, students are basically OC fodder to get murdered, maimed, and fed to monsters.

 

[SotF]

New Teacher Orientation
Alex Mercer forced himself to remain calm.

The issue wasn't that he was trapped, after all for one such as he, a helicopter crash wasn't going to kill him, nor would the ensuing firefight.

It was the questions that made him nervous.

The novelty of someone showing up with hyper-advanced technology and not trying to kill him, well, at least not try very hard at it anyway, was just the first. Dropping a five foot eight robot into one of his "skirmishes" with Blackwatch had ended up with thirty-two city blocks in ruins and the machine no worse for the ware.

Metal, that was the term used for the machine, one that moved at hypersonic speeds and tore through buildings, thermobaric tanks, attack choppers, and a couple dozen hunters as easily as he could.

Even with his memories from, well, before, there was nothing on humanoid robots, or any sort of AI on the level of what he was currently dealing with.

Hence, Zeus actually listening to the machine rather than going to ground.

And what was offered ended up being even more messed up than most.

They wanted him to be a teacher, a high school teacher.

And apparently this piece of hell on earth had lost their last biology teacher after he'd been eaten while "upgrading" their alligator filled moat into one filled with clones of particular nile crocodile...apparently Gustave was now a crocodile subspecies.

That wasn't something he'd actually believed until the chopper passed the cordons, and electrified fences, moats, and minefield...

The place was more fortified than Manhattan during the outbreak.

He'd been informed that with their new gym teacher, student survival had risen to five percent, which meant exactly that, one in twenty students admitted survived their year at this school of the damned.

A personal letter from one Doctor Ivo Robotnik, current teacher of Robotics and acting head of the science department, had included a note on his personal suspicions about the facility amongst five hundred pages of scribbles and rants about a hedgehog of all things.

The students were expendable, the school was meant to keep the lunatics from destroying society by providing everything they could want and keep them in one, relatively, safe location. The worlds only stockpile of people of mass destruction...and now he'd been added to it...

 

[SotF]

Just Another Lunch
Kristin O'Malley paused for a moment to take another bite of the sandwich as the sharp scent of ozone filled the lunch room just as the lights flickered.

When the lighting returned to normal, all the students resumed their meals, the lack of mad laughter or anyone dying a horrible death probably meant that it didn't involve any of them anyway. Probably Palpatine's latest apprentice dying after being sent to kill the janitor again.

What the hell was a Jedi, or why the old man thought the janitor was one, no one really knew. The current belief was that the reason was more from the old man wanting his old job back rather than teach "ethics" since he'd been yanked out of a freefall in what seemed to have been service shafts somewhere.

As with most of the teachers, the students weren't always sure where they came from, but all information was something that got traded rapidly. It was only fair to share anything that might keep a few potential diversionary meat shields alive a bit longer anyway.

Or, as most there wanted, some hopeful blackmail material on the principal that would get you out of this hellhole, but as of yet even the beings name was unknown, even to the staff or his own secretary, who was probably getting boozed off his ass again after the new teachers showed up.

A sharp noise brought her attention to the window overlooking the track, well, what this school called a track anyway.

It was a two hundred meter straight line path lined with twenty-five foot tall, barbed wire topped fences where the coach was convincing a group of students to the starting blocks inside...with a cattle prod...

Well, that explained the electrical distortions, no real surprise there.

And then the gates were shut with only the ones on the other side of the path unlocked.

And with the sound of the starting gun, a hatch opened to release a trio of hungry and probably rabid wolves into the track...

Well, at least there weren't more wolves than runners now as there probably would be later in the year, so most of those forced into that mess made it out with out being eaten alive.

Anyone with more than a years experience at the nightmare academy rarely had much of a reaction to some of the horrors, needing something extremely special to actually shock them anymore, a challenge several of the professors tended to relish in their own grotesque way.

Doctor Lector had a running feud after some of the new gym teachers best ended up in his class, finals that year being to kill and prepare another student for the teacher...

She sat the remains of the sandwich aside, not really sure if continuing it after that thought would be a good thing or not...

 

[SotF]

Is This Hell?
One glowing eye opened revealing a realm of dancing electricity from tesla coils and odd machinery far more primitive than he'd expected.

The voice was still in his head, but barely a whisper. The Sovereign was all but gone from his mind.

"Good!" came an odd voice, a human one at that, with an accent he couldn't quite place, "Good!"

He managed to turn his head, pain prevented him from doing much more, but it was enough to reveal the classroom he was in full of, oddly detached students, again human, and a somewhat short, bespectacled man with wild hair jutting in all directions with odd flashes of static electricity dancing between strands.

"What?" he managed to ask, mouth dry and mandibles twitching, making even that difficult.

"The subject is..." came the comment that triggered something in his memory, what wasn't something that exactly came to him though, but the almost insane tone was definitely reminding him of something, "ALIVE!"

The mad laughter that followed was relatively unusual, even for his standards, but it was just more proof that the man was certifiably insane. A tonal shift followed the madman noticing that he was awake, that he had been strapped to a lab table wasn't commented on, but the oversized, archaic goggles were pulled up to reveal bloodshot eyes.

"So the subject has awoken," came the stammering tone and pace that he felt would have fit a salarian rather than human, "My genius has given a six month dead alien corpse given to me by the benefactor from whatever universe he came from and I gave it life once more."

Saren figured that this must be the place humans identified as hell, at least after what felt like bolts had been attached to his neck.

"And I, Victor Frankenstein the Seventh have proven that I am just as capable as my ancestors in proving dominion even over death!"

Yep, hell it was...

 

[SotF]

Not Quite Track And Field
Julian Trine remembered what it was like to have something to smile about, family had been one, but he was now having trouble even remembering their faces beyond the photograph that had been in his wallet when he'd ended up in the Nightmare Academy. He was one of the few that remembered the why portion of this place, his world was ending, and the offer of a chance to survive was as good as any. Graduate and he'd be home free on a safe Earth with all the credentials to make a life there.

Only a couple others had the conscious memory of making a choice, or even much of their original worlds. He assumed that all of them would have died then when the principal or one of his minions took them, but he wasn't entirely sure the principal was the one nabbing kids to feed to the maniacs of this place. Some may have not been in a position to make the choice, or perhaps he was just lucky and whatever method utilized to wipe memories didn't quite take on him.

Survival was the end goal, and one of two ways was needed.

The first was simple, make it through highschool alive. Benefits were that it just required that, no real need for planning beyond remembering how to deal with each of the madmen masquerading as teachers here. The downside was four years of dealing with those same maniacs.

Though the other option was far quicker, it was not necessarily better. If you could get past the traps, walls, and other fortifications, you would get the same reward as making it through the four years.

Every few weeks some idiot or a group of them would get the bright idea to try running the gauntlet, other than the few friends, there really wasn't anyone to try stopping them from making the attempt. Not even the teachers would do more than watch the spectacle.

The last biology teacher had seen a kid get past the moat when he'd gotten his bright idea for upgrading it, something that got him killed. A lot of them didn't like to think that mere students should have that option anyway, but the principal had given kids the choice.

But monitors all over campus would switch to follow anyone making their break for it, and bets would normally pass hands if you weren't in class or the dorms on just how far they'd get. One of the few things that gave any real entertainment, and one of the last things that Julian remembered having a smile about.

Not even a real smile there, but a more mocking smirk at the expense of a new student after taking him for all he had over a bet on just how far a runner would get.

Odd that he remembered the girl more than the kid he'd made the bet with, nice looking, athletic, almost fast enough to make it past the auto turrets...

 

[SotF]

Not What Was Wanted
Tom Riddle sat there, almost seething as he went through the papers on his desk.

The staff were primarily muggles, same with the students, but he'd gotten something similar to the job he'd once wanted.

Teaching.

And despite being allowed to pretty much do as they pleased with the students, you still had to do the merlin be damned job they wanted you to do, and grading papers was something that drove him up the wall. Not that it helped that with the chaos of the last years civil war between the teachers.

Invidia be damned for that, the bitch certainly managed to make a right mess of things.

Although, he had to admit Ivo definitely had some nasty ideas, and he really wasn't sure how to classify the cyberneticly augmented mad scientist who had a far larger obsession with the termination of a single..

The professor in questions latest rant on that subject echoed through the school as if in response to that train of thought.

"I hate...Hate...HAte...HATe...HATE that HEDGEHOG!"

The last bit had been loud enough to prompt his ink well to spill across the papers he had been writing comments on, and notes about some of the things he really should look up at some point.

'Lady Invidia Aquitaine had managed to impress him early on in his time at the school, and now she, well, technically still lived as an eternal battery and core for one of Ivo's robotic assistants. It hadn't helped much when one of his soon to be victims had brought up the Borg, and, that, combined with some of the bits and pieces he'd found out about the school scared him.

If he ever made his way back to his point of origin, Voldemort contemplated taking over the world from the muggle side of things, his fellow teachers proved that even if half of them made Bellatrix seem the peak of sanity.

Not to mention that after observing the replacement biology teacher devour a cow, and the visiting assistant to the librarian who claimed to have gotten his doctorate at Miskatonic, well, he really needed to research a few things, and reread Lovecraft in the hopes of making sure that there weren't even worse unspeakable horrors loose in this asylum.

It was bad enough when he'd been paired up with Palpatine to deal with whatever the hell that thing in the now sealed off girls toilets was.

Just because it has tentacles and a physiology mankind was not meant to observe did not mean that wizards knew what it was or how to get rid of it.

At least that encounter meant that he wasn't going to need to deal with the Sith Lord moping about his latest apprentice dying to the "jedi" because the Janitor had nothing to do with that mess, or at least he hoped that man had nothing to do with it or there would be words...well, words and spells sent to express his displeasure about that event.

 

[SotF]

Three Kings
The old man stood there, well, technically he didn't look anywhere near as old as he really was, nor did he ever really feel it either, but still he got some amusement out of situations that cropped up from time to time. Invidia had been the source of much of it the previous year, but that, like most things, came to an end when the manipulative bitch overreached and got caught.

He'd never had to resort to any such measures to get entertainment, enough of his fellow teachers had their own personality clashes that they'd inevitably clash.

Glancing down at the glowing gem in his gloved hand and suppressed a smirk for a moment before returning it to his pocket, it wasn't viable to use here, but the presence of the stone was still something that gave him hope for plans to continue at some point in the future.

But as it was, one of the newer faculty members had managed to tick off Shuuji...

It was always fun to see some trumped up fool get trounced by the "Undefeated of the East."

But the newcomers abilities were impressive enough.

"Kneel Before Zo..." was all the new teacher managed to get out before he had a piece of cloth wrapped around his neck and was being repeatedly slammed into things all around the gym.

He'd never seen the sense in picking fights with the others, there was no need, you can't stop the messiah anyway...

 

[SotF]

Dorm Of The Morning
Jason Dolner grimaced at the morning sun after an attempt to smash his alarm clock from beneath the covers.

Of course, when the alarm ended, the other wake up call began. Not from anyone in the relatively quiet scorpion dorm he resided in, but from the neighboring snake dorm.

Or at least the "Student Adviser" from it, in his daily attempts to conquer the lunch room.

"COBRA ATTACK!"

It was one of the reasons that, despite the other dorms easier treatment from Riddle, their Adviser was an out right lunatic.

"EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!"

And their nearly daily decimation by the "lunch ladies" that looked almost like salt or pepper shakers who still had to wear hairnets despite not having any.

Before arriving here, he'd remembered an old show with a "Soup Nazi" by this school took it to insane levels.

"COBRA RETREAT! RETREAT!"

The loud shrill of the end of the morning firefight was enough to prompt him to finally trudge out of bed and go get something to eat, something far easier when the workers at the cafeteria were trying to hunt down a fellow staff member than when they were present...

 

[SotF]

Hopefully Not Overdue
Janet Wrynne clutched the book to her chest as she crouched outside the library.

The gunfire and taunts had ended, the librarian was insane, possibly more so than most of the faculty not actively trying to apocalypse the school.

"That's to bad, I am all out of deadly neurotoxin," came the voice, once again making Janet exceedingly glad she'd managed to get out of the library before the AI caught up with her, "Please come back, there is more science to do and I have cake."

The student was not about to believe the machine, and even if she had been telling the truth, going back in was so not worth it.

A flash of blue light struck the wall in front of her, materializing what reminder her of the old cartoons where painting a tunnel on a wall makes one. But this one showed one of those odd ovoid things the librarian left all over the labyrinthine library, possibly cute but far more dangerous than it sounded when it started speaking.

"I see you."

 

[SotF]

Blackwatch Couldn't Stop Metal
The air rippled as a figure appeared in the sky above campus, one familiar to any student who had taken any of the science courses.

Metal descended over his masters lab.

"You're back," came Robotniks comment, a mere statement of fact as was the next thing said, "Your mission."

"Successful," was all the machine responded with to that, "Following Doctor Mercer's recruitment due to the Principal, I completed a clean sweep of those hunting him due to his portion of the contract."

A moments pause, "No damage in response, all of those immediately linked to the group known as Blackwatch terminated, actions took just over forty hours, systems have recharged during and post conflict and I am at 99.9% capacity following cleaning protocols, unfortunately, my design makes it impossible for maximum readiness without assistance."

"What do you require?" his creator asked, pondering what unforeseen issue had cropped up with his masterpiece and already starting to contemplate upgrades.

"Positioning of a tooth fragment is poorly positioned in one of my joints, position simply makes it impossible to remove on my own and the rattling within the gap during flight is..."

The machine paused for a moment as if to process the correct word.

"...aggravating."

"Good, I will assist you once you've finished cleaning off the remnants of your targets."

Metal bowed as a response, "I believe that there is still room for improvement in my systems, sire."

"As always is, maintaining perfection is not easy, but perhaps I could recruit the Librarian for further facilitation of discovering the weakness in your design."

"Understood."

The machine turned and left, missing Robotniks momentary sickened look at the bloody footprints and entrail bits left on the floor of his lab.

While Metal's form was based around the abomination that must be eradicated, the man had poured much of himself into the machine. The relentless drive to improve, to analyze, and adapt were things that left him with mixed feelings towards his creation. Somewhere between loyal subject and possible heir, Metal was many things and managed to amaze him even more with each tweak and upgrade he made along the way.

He'd had a small chuckle shortly before Mercer's recruitment when an overheard conversation between students that hadn't noticed his presence, due to a prototype cloaking device he'd been working on, about how it seemed that Metal and GlaDos might be considered to be in a relationship or not...

After all, his creation was one of the few sapient entities, well, in this case sentient is more fitting, willing to go to the library without exceedingly dire consequences for not going. Her tests often did show some of the weaknesses that needed to be solved in Metal, but the machine went of his own free will in any time he had outside of orders.

His contemplation ended as a cleaning bot, powered by one of those same gossiping students, entered to clean up the mess.

 

[SotF]

Pest Control
Nathaniel Brown glanced about nervously.

For the time being, the lunch "ladies" had been reassigned from their usual duties after the school had the misfortune of contracting some deliveries from one Weyland-Yutani. Big mistake, and he was exceedingly glad that he hadn't been near the vending machines when the delivery man opened the crates.

The building housing the boiler as well as the steam tunnels underneath the school were now infested with nightmarish horrors that prompted Doctor Mercer to shift his lesson plans to the life cycles of various insects...

And apparently Mercer forgot that the students didn't have the ability to gain immunities to such things as acid blood when he decided that they'd dissect one of the creatures in class. Katie Gimbel would always have the appearance of a Barbie that had been held a bit to close to the barbeque thanks to that.

If she managed to survive the nurse's hospitality after all.

It wasn't any less unnerving after spending the entire period referring to the things as snack food, more specifically "Just like chocolate dipper ants" and "Crunchy."

Nathaniel shuddered in spite of himself after considering what had been hauled up out of the nest those things had before Robotniks search team got overrun by those devils. The things had some brains as well, none of them went anywhere near the library...

 

[SotF]

The Lab of Doctor Mu-AH-HA-HA-HA...
Alex Mercer was not a happy viral abomination, and to make matters somewhat worse, this time it was, at least partially, his own fault.

Barring the locked down lab near the moat that was still some sort of den for the crocodiles he mentally classified as at least Supreme Hunter equivalent, he'd been working through his predecessors various things and labs. The man was nuts, something he should have taken to heart concerning his cloning project and the fact that there wasn't actually a name on any of his things due to at least a page of what appeared to be some sort of attempt phonetically transcribing mad laughter.

He could definitely admit that comprehending people was not one of his strong suits, and he honestly wasn't sure which Alex Mercer was the cause of that particular problem.

But despite his current diet, he'd, at first, found the odd critters inside relatively cute, and pondered if they were some sort of less armageddon scenario creature and something that might be possible to have shipped as a gift for Dana.

Odd, purring balls of fluff that didn't look like they could really threaten anyone.

With a glance at the notes, he noted that the primary form came from something called a tribble.

Then then nutjob mixed in porcupine and piranha while manipulating it to make them able to process minerals and a lot of other things just as he'd deactivated one of the containment units to pick one of them up.

Five minutes later, he had managed to reseal the lab, only to realize the piranha tribbles were eating through the door to get at him, and the things composition made them indigestible to him. And if they hadn't been trying to eat him, they'd have been rather cute.

Almost made him consider the option that other teachers here would have and kicked in a few students and called it a day, but nope, the cute little nightmares had gotten loose and were now fighting a running war with the things in the sewer and whatever the hell the lunch ladies were...

 

[SotF]

Monitors Eye
Sally Brent gave the intrusion into the study hall a glance to ensure it wasn't a teacher showing up to get some replacement students.

However, a second glance quickly happened just to ensure that she wasn't hallucinating, something that occasionally happened due to various injuries or other things that teachers or other idiots managed to let loose on occasion, or both being involved.

"How do we contain those things," came Professor Magnus' roar from the hall, "They ate through an adamantine door..."

What they were talking about was probably the swarm of furballs with teeth that had breached the door until the monitor turned towards them, at least she hoped that the spines were fur based and the teeth, well, that was even worse. But the floating, flaming eye watching over the students turned towards them, prompting the beasties advance to stop and the swarm to head back the direction it came.

The horde of teachers that entered a moment later got the same treatment, and same results.

Even though he had but a small scrap of gold clinging to volcanic stone, and a mere fraction of what power he'd possessed before being recruited for the Academy, Sauron was one of the few that could stare down most of the faculty...

 

[SotF]

We Need A Temporal Mechanic
Kristin knew the headache was coming as she settled down for the history class, one of the less coherent ones anyway that was unofficially retitled Manipulating Time for Megalomaniacs, or as most of the students referred to it, Rants about a "Foolish Samurai Warrior" that was somewhat close to Doctor Robotniks view of Hedgehogs...

She had long since realized that the teacher rarely paid any attention to what the students were doing if they managed to slip him some good tea, seeming more interested in simply having an audience to listen to his monologues.

O'Malley tended to spend chunks of the class period working on various projects, though she did listen better than most.

"When I, Aku, the shapeshifting master of evil banished him to the future where my word is law..."

If only the teacher had developed an "inside" voice...

 

[SotF]

Unwelcome Angel
Donald Maxwell grimaced at the sudden appearance of a silver haired teacher. Well, technically, the glowing eyed figure that seemed to carry a sword that was far to long for use, wasn't exactly a normal teacher but a roaming substitute.

But Jane Dillon's eyes widened and mouth opened in shock as she slumped forwards, sliding to the floor along the curve of the weapon now protruding from her chest.

But even with his tendency to murder one member of any dating couple, Sephiroth was less of a danger to the students than either of the two clowns that had warred across the campus before mutual fratricide. Something about spoony bats or something...

Fortunately, Sephiroth completed his ambush with the usual vanishing act, something that prompted all of the frozen students to start moving again.

He grabbed a towel from his gym bag and started pressing on the wound of the stabbed girl, trying to figure out if he could get Jane to some medical help before she bled out.

 

[SotF]

Online?
Metal hovered, observing the wreckage of two dorms, three designated lecture halls, and one of the many pools. At least the megalodon from the pool was still alive and getting a snack in the form of a history class.

The Doctor had sent him to retrieve the machine he'd rebuilt from wreckage sent from the Principal, and had been doing some final tests on the robots memory to figure out who built it and how it was taken down when it overheard Kane's lecture from down the hall when the doors happened to open at the same time.

He was uncertain what communism and the chinese had to do with a rampaging machine of unknown origin.

But apparently, Liberty Prime was online...and preventing chinese victory...by smashing the dorms...

 

[SotF]

That's Not The Man In The Moon
Kei Tanaka was wishing for something to drink, a beer at minimum because she felt a serious need to get completely blitzed.

One of the staff called Tobi, who no one really knew what the masked nut was supposed to actually be doing, had apparently made an attempt to either escape or get a power up. Possibly both at the same time, but you never really could tell.

Whatever the hell it was that the spiral masked "ninja" did, it was aimed at what most of the populace of the Academy thought was the moon.

Well, it turned out that, in the words of a famous smuggler, That's no moon...

It wasn't a space station either, and apparently Unicron was not quite so happy with "Tobi the Good Boy" and that drew in the secretary, and Lucifer got involved.

Unfortunately for Kei, every student outside got a brief flash of the Morning Star's threat to the two, and it was bad enough to have fleeting memories of his little sisters time being indoctrinated into the cult of the Tellytubbies and Barney, not having to experience an instant of that freaking universe before the fallen angel stormed off to the stunned duo.

Perhaps she could find some Vodka somewhere, that had to be strong enough to deal with that moment.

 

[SotF]

Bugs And Bears
"This is humiliating," the repeated growl came from Riddle as he twitched in the suit that he'd been handed from Robotnik's collection after the Luci ordered them to go track down the xenomorphs after one of them managed to destroy the tree the fallen angel had been cultivating.

Something about twigs from an abandoned garden or something and with life and knowledge...

But Ivo had five suits of mechanized armor that had been retrieved from an unsuccessful recruitment of someone to assist Asia.

Kid had a lot of traps and bombs...a whole lot of bombs...

Enough to make Metal back off and call the mission off, and Ivo shrugged the defeat off as "at least it wasn't by Hedgehog" and left the situation be.

Sagara wouldn't quite fit into the staff at the Academy anyway, but did the power armor samples brought back as a consolation prize HAVE to look like a freaking commando teddy bear?

And they'd gotten three of the things from the mechanical genius for this, and Master Asia (The undefeated of the EAST!) had joined him with an assistant he'd been told to deal with for the most things concerning the female half of the gym students.

Nice girl, if you were into crazy girls who can throw fire with a megalomaniacal streak that surpassed his own at the worst of days, and that was just the start of what was wrong with the fire princess...

Well, the armor did mean that Azula wasn't quite as likely to set them on fire or electrocute everyone.

Perhaps, if he ever got out of this place, he'd have to send an apology to Dumbledore. Teaching would have never been something he'd have been capable of dealing with in a more normal setting, but the Nightmare Academy was no normal place and he could occasionally vent his frustration on a few choice idiots without any issues from it.

"FUMA...Fumoffu!"

God he hated these things.