Sorry for the double post. First story, completely judged...
Magellan!
[Card: The lovers]
Chapter 1
Grammar: 14/15 (Didn’t find any errors whatsoever, but at certain points you could have used better wording to better engage the reader. But just at certain points.)
Characters: 12/15 (Eleazar is highly entertaining, and I like his description. I guess I’m a sucker for double scarves.
Magellan, though... I don’t know, it’s like he’s missing something. Also, at times he acts like he’s a rickety old man, but according to Eleazar he’s supposed to be young. I can’t get a fix on him, but it doesn’t damage his comedic potential.)
Plot: 15/15 (Now, this is really interesting. With just these few paragraphs, you managed to get through what the setting is and the basics of the plot, and then you threw us a curve ball on top of the still juicy unanswered questions. Full points!)
Chapter 2
Grammar: 15/15 (Full points. Could find no errors and the narration flows smoothly.)
Characters: 13/15 (Again, there’s the matter of inconsistency. This time it’s not Magellan, -except with how he refers to Eleazar by name, that seems weird if he wants to be disrespectful and since he’s known him for so little- but Eleazar, who sometimes breaks his brat-act.)
Plot: 11/15 (It keeps on being interesting, but there’s the fact that you’ve used dialogue from the characters for exposition and at times it felt forced, unnatural.)
Chapter 3
Grammar: 14/15 (Aaah, if it wasn’t for just that ‘plans to the world’. It’s plans for the world.)
Characters: 15/15 (With the timeskip and what we know of the two, the characterization now makes complete sense to me. Good banter, too)
Plot: 15/15 (The background and secrets revealed are very interesting, even if I wasn’t exactly sold on the power levels and how the fight was progressing, but then BAM! Technology, biatch! Great battle twist!)
Chapter 4
Grammar: 15/15 (Found no errors and the flow is uninterrupted.)
Characters: 15/15 (The characters keep in character with what we’ve seen of them until now, no discrepancies at all.)
Plot: 10/15 (Darn... And it was going so well. The ending left too many open questions. Some you can ignore -the ones you usually leave for a sequel-, but some will nag at my mind for weeks, now. Also, during the fight scenes, you couldn’t always understand what was going on. For example, while I’m sure Eleazar knows what the ‘opposite of a fireball’ is, it’s not that clear to a reader. The pacing suffers for it. Also, the ending was... I won’t say unsatisfying, but not exactly of the same value as the rest of the story.)
And now... Theme!
Theme: 16/20 (I don’t exactly understand which part of the Lovers’ card you were going for, so I tried to compare it to all of them that I could get from that site. I guess what you were going for was choice and things coming together and apart. It happens quite frequently during the story, even if it seems like the only one who’s making a choice has been Eleazar. He chose to try and be Magellan’s friend instead of just killing him outright... But he didn’t exactly go at it the most efficient way. All in all, while I can’t in good conscience give this full points for Theme, it feels like that Theme enough to not penalize it completely.)
Total = 14+12+15+15+13+11+14+15+15+15+15+10+16 =
180