Read a fanfic, find a set of sentences that, if read by themselves, would be hilarious in their implications, post here. Oh and source too.
Me first!
A Black Comedy by nonjon.
Me first!
A Black Comedy by nonjon.
Out of context quotes in fanfiction
- Thread starter Souffle
- Start date
Simply this.
-Terminal Justice
Harry chuckled embarrassedly.? ôYou see, at the time, I was not that good with potions.? IÆm still not, to be perfectly honest.? Anyway, to make matters worse, the other people - and especially the elves - expected me to be some sort of potionsÆ master.? Reputations can be very unhelpful in certain instances, let me tell you.? At any rate, they gave me a bench and some ingredients to work with; I gave it my best shot and tried for something easy.? I had decided that I would try to make a simple drink cocktail using Fire Whiskey and some local ingredients.? Unfortunately, there was an explosion not two minutes later.? No one was injured û thankfully - but having an entire building come raining down around you in flaming bits is never a good thing.? As things turned out, the fact that the workshop was next to a stable wasnÆt very fortuitous either.? You wouldnÆt believe how flammable frozen straw can beàö
ôYou- you burned Santa Claus out of business?!ö Superman demanded disbelievingly.
ôNot completely!ö Harry answered immediately.? A thoughtful expression crossed his face for a second before he grudgingly admitted, ôWell, I suppose that I technically did, now that you mention it û but I put it back to rights!? Granted, the old owner was pretty mad - especially about this flying sled he only used once a year that was stored in the stable - but the Professor and Henchgirl only took about a week to create a new one.? YouÆd think the fact that the new one is even faster than the original would please him, but he was still angry!ö
Harry shrugged and continued in a lower tone.? ôAs I recall, the elves werenÆt exactly pleased either, and I spent that week looking around corners to avoid being pelted with coal û the little buggers had unfortunately taken to carrying around large pails full of the stuff and throwing it at me.ö
ôButà you burned down Santa Claus!ö Clark persisted.
ôIt was an accident!ö Harry muttered irritably.
ôYou- you burned Santa Claus out of business?!ö Superman demanded disbelievingly.
ôNot completely!ö Harry answered immediately.? A thoughtful expression crossed his face for a second before he grudgingly admitted, ôWell, I suppose that I technically did, now that you mention it û but I put it back to rights!? Granted, the old owner was pretty mad - especially about this flying sled he only used once a year that was stored in the stable - but the Professor and Henchgirl only took about a week to create a new one.? YouÆd think the fact that the new one is even faster than the original would please him, but he was still angry!ö
Harry shrugged and continued in a lower tone.? ôAs I recall, the elves werenÆt exactly pleased either, and I spent that week looking around corners to avoid being pelted with coal û the little buggers had unfortunately taken to carrying around large pails full of the stuff and throwing it at me.ö
ôButà you burned down Santa Claus!ö Clark persisted.
ôIt was an accident!ö Harry muttered irritably.
"Palpatine," she said. "Darling, darling Palpatine. I think you could blow up the whole planet of Coruscant and I'd still love you."
"Anakin," Obi-Wan murmured dreamily, leaning over and hugging him close. "I love you."
Anakin patted him on the back. "I love you too, Master," he said
Anakin patted him on the back. "I love you too, Master," he said
ôLaugh while you can, you sick bastard.ö And with this Harry revealed that his sanity was not in nearly enough doubt. He vanished his clothing and moved naked across the battlefield. He was down to nearly half of his ping pong shield when he made his next move. ôLubra Sexo!ö
The icy floor was suddenly coated in a thin layer of slick lubricant. Voldemort, not recognizing the spell, tried to set the floor aflame like in the last duel. He was unsuccessful as a now naked and lubed up Harry glided effortlessly around he battlefield. He conjured more ping pong balls and set to moving quickly while casting a constant stream of curses.
The icy floor was suddenly coated in a thin layer of slick lubricant. Voldemort, not recognizing the spell, tried to set the floor aflame like in the last duel. He was unsuccessful as a now naked and lubed up Harry glided effortlessly around he battlefield. He conjured more ping pong balls and set to moving quickly while casting a constant stream of curses.
cilrais? What's the context of that quote?
From Chp 13 of Uzumaki Harry
He paused suddenly as he saw Harry looking at him with wide doe eyes, tears glistening at the corners as a wide goofy smile broke over his face. You could almost see the spectacular sunset and waves crashing against the rocks behind him, leaving behind a beautiful mistà
ôPROFESSOR SNAPE!ö Harry cried joyfullyû royally freaking out Snape and everyone else in the classroomû as he launched himself at the professor, glomping him around the waist. ôOh, professor, I missed you so much! All this summer, I thought of you. I never want to leave you again! You are, without a doubt, a sweet, patient, impartial, kind teacher! TEACH ME!ö
Through all this, Snape was pushing, pulling, prying poking, prodding, and doing all but using his wand to get Harry off of him. The Potions Master was audibly growling, his face twisted into a perfect snarl and marred only by the twitch in his right eyebrow. Needless to say, the onlooking students were all enjoying this, save for Hermione, who was positively scandalized.
One suicidal soul in the back asked, ôUm, sir, is there something between you and Potter?ö
ôPROFESSOR SNAPE!ö Harry cried joyfullyû royally freaking out Snape and everyone else in the classroomû as he launched himself at the professor, glomping him around the waist. ôOh, professor, I missed you so much! All this summer, I thought of you. I never want to leave you again! You are, without a doubt, a sweet, patient, impartial, kind teacher! TEACH ME!ö
Through all this, Snape was pushing, pulling, prying poking, prodding, and doing all but using his wand to get Harry off of him. The Potions Master was audibly growling, his face twisted into a perfect snarl and marred only by the twitch in his right eyebrow. Needless to say, the onlooking students were all enjoying this, save for Hermione, who was positively scandalized.
One suicidal soul in the back asked, ôUm, sir, is there something between you and Potter?ö
Naruto looked at Shizune with a somewhat dumb look on his face. ôHow do you mean, there was no more gel in store? Damn, now I got to use something else to useàö she was somewhat eager to offer her services though, to his opinion.
ôAre you sure that that is the right thing that will make it all nice?ö he asked as she rubbed some gel in his hair, usually used for checking pregnant women, which she had on her at the moment. His hair had to be styled in just the perfect way so that heÆd be able to go out clubbing with the ladies in a neighbouring village.
ôAre you sure that that is the right thing that will make it all nice?ö he asked as she rubbed some gel in his hair, usually used for checking pregnant women, which she had on her at the moment. His hair had to be styled in just the perfect way so that heÆd be able to go out clubbing with the ladies in a neighbouring village.
Molly turned her attention to the table frowning when she noticed that almost everyone at the table was fighting to hold in their laughter. Glancing between Harry, Ginny and the twins she noticed that Ginny had a slight frown. Thinking to herself, ôIÆm her mother, I know whatÆs wrong and IÆll fix it.ö Squeezing her daughters shoulder warmly she said, ôDonÆt worry Ginny dear, one day you will be as developed as your brothers.ö
I'm not very good at this...heres another try (in context, it's pretty funny).
It was far, far too late as Heero, cast adrift on memories, never even heard his daughter's plea. "Why, back when I was your age, when we still had things called wars, there were times when I had to lay low in the middle of nowhere and ran out of delicious MREs. I'd be forced to run twenty miles through minus ten degree weather dressed only in a T-shirt and shorts just to find some tree bark to eat." He sighed. Those were the days. "I didn't even have any water. I had to melt snow in my mouth to wash the bark down."
"As long as you didn't eat the yellow snow," Selena said acidly.
Heero looked at her curiously. "What was wrong with the yellow snow? It was the only kind that was flavored. I counted myself lucky when I could find some."
Having lived with him her entire life, Selena understood her father's sense of humor. That was to say, she understood he didn't have one. "Ewww! That's disgusting! You're giving me serious mental scarring here, Daddy."
"Mental scarring's good for you. It builds character. Just look at me."
"As long as you didn't eat the yellow snow," Selena said acidly.
Heero looked at her curiously. "What was wrong with the yellow snow? It was the only kind that was flavored. I counted myself lucky when I could find some."
Having lived with him her entire life, Selena understood her father's sense of humor. That was to say, she understood he didn't have one. "Ewww! That's disgusting! You're giving me serious mental scarring here, Daddy."
"Mental scarring's good for you. It builds character. Just look at me."