Overlord Hampster (Erfworld)


KING (In Land of Blind)
Staff member
"It felt like a 100-pound bag of shit landed on my shoulders."
--Harry Truman, on hearing of President Roosevelt's death



"Van...!" Stanley shouted, swinging the Arkenhammer, a sizzling charge of shockamancy building inside it, ready for release.

But the enemy warlord beat him.

Critical Hit.

Stanley shouted as it connected with his head, knocking him from the dwagon, sending him spinning into the sky.

That wouldn't be such a big deal, except he lost his grip on the Hammer.

He plunged to the ground, reeling out of control.

He could see the hammer, tumbling to the ground beside him. He could feel it, a deep, subconscious pull, similar to but different than his awareness of units under his command.

He could reach out to it, but not enough. Without touching it, he couldn't command the flight.

And then he hit the ground.

Stanley gasped in pain, as the impact spread up through his body, as he hit, bounced, and his shattered body hit and rolled again.

He could hear the cheers and whoops of the enemy warlords above him, distantly. The sound of his own body throbbing in his ears was much louder.

Was this the end of Stanley the Tool?

He was hurt. Incapacitated. If he didn't get Healed, he would croak at the end of the turn.

No... he didn't want to croak. He still had a fate. He was destined to unite the Arkentools. Croaking like this... he didn't want it!

There were still things he wanted to do. There were still things he had to do. He had a destiny, and it wasn't this!

He couldn't talk, and any movement at all sent ripples of pain through him.

But he still had his command. His dwagon, with the Foolamancer still mounted on it, was coming for him. Two of his knights were screening him, and the last one was going to retrieve his hammer. He could feel it, attuned to him. He could send the knight directly to the hammer.

Yeah. They could pick him up and retreat. Wanda was talented, she could probably patch him up still. The dwagons had enough move to get back to Gobwin Knob.

He could make it.

"So falls Stanley the Worm!"

His dwagon was fighting that crazy chick warlord mounted on the warlord.

And floating down towards him was that pasty flying warlord.

And Stanley couldn't even fight back.

"So long." The warlord sneered, shaking his leg out as he got ready to kick again.

Stanley couldn't even retort.

Was this really how it was going to end? He'd bonded the Arkenhammer, and launched a divine crusade to unite all the Arkentools. Was he really going to croak here, alone and crippled, having suffered defeat after defeat as his whole side was beaten back, his last city going barbarian only to get razed and conquered by that haughty jerk with the big chin?

Stanley didn't want that.

But watching the warlord float down towards him, what could he do?

He couldn't even talk to buy time or argue his case. He was gonna get croaked.

It wouldn't have been so bad to get croaked in battle directly, but after getting dismounted and crippled, would this really get him into the City of Heroes?

But what could he do?

His whole side would end.

It would be one thing if he could take a new capital, continue the side in another city. That happened.

But when he croaked, and met King Saline again....

He'd really respected the old man. The King had recognized his value, and rewarded it, promoting him again and again even though the King was Royal and he, Stanley, wasn't.

He'd promised the King he'd continue the side.

It would be one thing if he had a unit that he could promote to Heir, but that cost a lot of Schmuckers. Hamster's upkeep was already so high, so the cost to promote him would be....



That was really low.

His voice burbled. He couldn't actually say it.

'I hereby promote Hamster to Heir.'

But the treasury was debited and it happened.

There was only one thing left to do.

Stanley the Tool struggled to his feet, pusing against the ground, straining to look up at the warlord that sneered down at him.

There was still one last fight left, and Stanley was going to go down fighting.


"Wait. Hold up." Parson said, as he felt it settle on him, like a heavy blanket draped over his shoulders.

He was Heir now.

And then, not a minute later, a much heavier weight, like a phantom yoke being laid across his shoulder.

His title changed.

Overlord Hamster.

"Oh. Oh wow." Parson said, groaning as he sat back down in his seat, surprised.

He glanced around. Maggie was standing next to him, her cold face written with total surprise as she stared at him.

"Well. Huh." He said, still feeling in shock.

"My lord..." Maggie said, trailing off into uncertainty.

"Yeah." Parson said, after a long pause. "I guess... I guess we've got some work to do, huh?"

Prologue End


Book 1, Page 113, Panel 5
Suppose that Caesar rolled a crit and dismounted Stanley, who lost his hammer and fell to the ground. He survived impact, but he was mortally wounded and incapacitated.

As a last act, whether something like redemption or just to thumb his nose at the Royal Crown Coalition; either way, in the short time he has left, Stanley promotes Parson to Heir.

I realize that there are some weaknesses in this chain of events; rules-obvious is that Heir Promotions are expensive and Stanley just plumb doesn't have that much money, while character-obvious is that Stanley wouldn't do it. Please consider these as weaknesses to be addressed and re-drafted to get where I want to be, rather than objections to leave the story dead in the water. If you have an idea for a better work around, lay it on me.

An alternative course of events: Stanley straight-up dies and Gobwin Knob goes "Neutral", freezes in time, and the Coalition takes 'a couple turns to get their siege prepared' like Parson figured they would, to stomp all over the city; and they still get their faces ripped off by a surprise volcano. Then Parson (an unopposed Warlord in a City Site) founds a new side in the rubble. This is a lot more friendly to the scenario, but it means that the side loses the Arkenhammer and field units -- including Jack. (I could keep him in story by having him Turn to join Jillian before combat ends & disbands all field units).

Regardless. Stanley dies, and Parson becomes Overlord of the Side.

What does Parson do next?
This does seem like it could be interesting divergence. That said, while I dropped the comic a while back due to not being able to deal with the pacing doesn't Stanley eventually realize he's not competent enough to lead and leave everything to Hamster anyway? I seem to recall an interlude where he realizes the best thing he can do at this point is sit on his ass and let some ogre butler make him a sandwich.

Regardless it was always a neat world so I'm sure a neat story could be made of it, I remember Hamster was experimenting with ways to stay revenue positive without invading other sides. Not sure if anything ever came of that. Still with Stanley dead I wonder if some of the impetus of the crusade might falter.


Fic till you drop
Hmmm. I haven't read the webcomic in a while so I don't have the best grasp of his character, but I think it could be problematic for him to be without the driving force of Stanley's will. From what I remember, Parson was good at planning things but the reason he was planning them was because they were getting attacked or Stanley wanted to conquer stuff. You'd still have them getting attacked, but I don't know if Parson would have an aversion to going out and conquering stuff. I think he would focus more defensively and then attack stuff based on a defensive plan, something to secure their position rather than with the sole intent of conquering stuff. What was his character arc? I can't remember if he had our-world aversion to just going out and conquering stuff and got more inured to it and excited to do it in this new, RPG world, or whether he started out excited and became disillusioned because he was still hurting people.

It's difficult to try and picture how all of the other factions would react to him. :/ I'm sure some of them would see a juicy, weakened target.

Of course, take all this with a grain of salt as I haven't read the webcomic in like five years.