Bleach Postcards from the Edge
- Thread starter Fosfor
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To be fair, Ichigo (from what I remember) seems to have the whole 'Yakuza in training' reputation going on...
But he is smart, and a doctors' son; his being actually intelligent shouldn't be a surprise.
And I agree with SoftRogue: the Rukia and Chappy bit was the funniest part. :lol:
Why can I see Shunsui trying to convince Kenpachi to let him use his senkaimon to visit Chad in the real world? And showing up dressed like a sterotypical 1960's hippie?
Looking forward to more.
But he is smart, and a doctors' son; his being actually intelligent shouldn't be a surprise.
And I agree with SoftRogue: the Rukia and Chappy bit was the funniest part. :lol:
Why can I see Shunsui trying to convince Kenpachi to let him use his senkaimon to visit Chad in the real world? And showing up dressed like a sterotypical 1960's hippie?
Looking forward to more.
Ichigo was, IIRC, ranked 20th on the class ranking. There were at LEAST 200 people on that ranking. IIRC Rukia was ranked like 200th or something (though in her case her ignorance of human culture etc probably had something to do with that).
Chad was tenth or something with Orihime being 2nd and Ishida being 1st.
EDIT: Watched the episode again. Orihime was actually 3rd, Ichigo was 23rd, Chad was 11th, Ishida was still 1st though.
Chad was tenth or something with Orihime being 2nd and Ishida being 1st.
EDIT: Watched the episode again. Orihime was actually 3rd, Ichigo was 23rd, Chad was 11th, Ishida was still 1st though.
I believe Ichigo even mentioned the reason for his high scores: People gives him trouble because of his hair color, and he's short tempered so he fights back, and when he get falsely accused by teachers, he rebels. These lead to him getting accused of having a bad attitude. He doesn't care for that, so he studies and get good grades.
Makes sense, teachers can't exactly accuse an honor student of being a delinquent now could they.
Oh, btw, Ichigo's ranked 18th in his grade. Here's the page: http://www.onemanga.com/Bleach/34/07/
Edit: Wait, that's on his mid-terms. For his finals, Belgarion got it right.
Makes sense, teachers can't exactly accuse an honor student of being a delinquent now could they.
Oh, btw, Ichigo's ranked 18th in his grade. Here's the page: http://www.onemanga.com/Bleach/34/07/
Edit: Wait, that's on his mid-terms. For his finals, Belgarion got it right.
So was I. The biggest joke of my post is that "qui a coupÚ le fromage-" literally "who cut the cheese-" does not mean the same thing in French that it does in English. While the Average American might ask that upon encountering an expulsion of foul-smelling gas, a Frenchman or woman who hears "qui a coupÚ le fromage" will be looking around for whoever is slicing some Brie, since it has no dirty connotations in that language.
My point was that, even if you actually did translate the languages and didn't assume them to be the same, many colloquialisms do not translate very well.
Which was supposed to be funny.
Maybe I was just trying too hard, as usual.
My point was that, even if you actually did translate the languages and didn't assume them to be the same, many colloquialisms do not translate very well.
Which was supposed to be funny.
Maybe I was just trying too hard, as usual.
Are all of these going to be from Ichigo's POV, or are they going to rotate, like say Tatsuki noticing something is 'off' about her Nakama, then following her as she finds out how far down the rabbit hole things go?
Also, when Chizuru ate dirt, did Orihime flashstep? Sure Ichigo said she wasn't that fast, but look at the company he keeps. Byakuya, Kisuke, and Yoruichi the Goddess of Flash. I suspect that his concept of 'normal speed' is somewhat skewed to the ludicrous, if not gone to plaid.
Also, when Chizuru ate dirt, did Orihime flashstep? Sure Ichigo said she wasn't that fast, but look at the company he keeps. Byakuya, Kisuke, and Yoruichi the Goddess of Flash. I suspect that his concept of 'normal speed' is somewhat skewed to the ludicrous, if not gone to plaid.
Nikas_Zekeval said:
Are all of these going to be from Ichigo's POV, or are they going to rotate, like say Tatsuki noticing something is 'off' about her Nakama, then following her as she finds out how far down the rabbit hole things go?
Also, when Chizuru ate dirt, did Orihime flashstep?á Sure Ichigo said she wasn't that fast, but look at the company he keeps.á Byakuya, Kisuke, and Yoruichi the Goddess of Flash.á I suspect that his concept of 'normal speed' is somewhat skewed to the ludicrous, if not gone to plaid.á
Also, when Chizuru ate dirt, did Orihime flashstep?á Sure Ichigo said she wasn't that fast, but look at the company he keeps.á Byakuya, Kisuke, and Yoruichi the Goddess of Flash.á I suspect that his concept of 'normal speed' is somewhat skewed to the ludicrous, if not gone to plaid.á
Yes, Orihime did flash step there, and yes, it was form Ichigo's perspective not 'all that fast'. His perspective on what 'fast' is is, as you noticed, very skewed. What makes it even funnier is the fact Orihime didn't notice she did it, or that she used shunpo at all - it was pure instinct and habit.
Postcards are back asn Ichigo's life post Winter War unfolds in directions he certianly never suspected.
It'd be out much earlier, but then editor mions are slow and need a whip and a gun to their head more often than not.
On an unrelated note, some peoeple seem to think I am on a hiatus or something - it isn't true. It is true that I had a time I had to slow down considerably because I simply lacked time, but right now I'm back and had been for a while. That's good news. Bad news is my muse is both a nympho and a slut and my writing ADD hit a new high.
Knowing the state well I let it run its course. I actually have huge pieces of various fics already written - Warborn among them - I just need to sit down, focus and glue them together into a coherent chapter or two. So far, given my inspiration attack, it... isn't going very well to say the least.
Yes, I have a writing ADD, but no I don't forget about my older stories. You'd be surprised what's being written. Or maybe not. We'll see.
On an even less related note for ff.net drones and assorted whiners:
I don't know how many times I said that the fact there is a gap between updates doesn't mean the story is abandoned and forgotten. If they can't understand that's their goddamn problem. I am through being polite. I write what I want, when I want and how I want. Get the fuck out of my way.
Now those who complain may claim I am arrogant and bitchy. For once I did give them a reason.
For those who got used to me and tolerate my ego, gammar, hack writing skills and gaps between the updates - my sincere thanks and gratitude for your patience. I'll strive not to dissapoint you. Much. B)
And without further ado, let's get this show on the road.
*
#3
"Alma Mater"
*
College, Ichigo decided, was okay.
Not good, not bad, but okay.
College life, on the other hand, he felt cheated by. Everyone went on and on how college life was fun, how 'cool' and how it was the 'best time ever'. Hell, even movies glorified it - but then movies glorified the high school as well, so he should have known the deal from the start.
It wasn't that it was bad... it just... sorta was. Only not.
So, you're in college, you can miss the lectures and not get in trouble. Big whoop. Been there, done that, worn out the shihakusho or two.
So... beer! Beer made everything better!
...yeah, right.
He found it amusing precisely once, after he saw some frat boys going down after some piss-like brew that barely qualified as a mild buzz. While he was never one to go barhopping, Renji _was_ and, well... gigai or not didn't make the carrot-top a whit of difference, especially after he had Urahara cook up those ID's. That night at a strip joint didn't happen, no matter what pictures had shown. They were doctored, and Yoruichi's smug little smile and conspiratorial wink shared with Rukia meant nothing. NOTHING.
Ah. Parties. Yeah.
He went to one or two - he couldn't quite recall simply because it was about as exciting as watching paint dry. Some people listening to too loud music, drinking too much beer and too many guys desperately trying to hit on girls who either didn't care or didn't know exactly if they did or not.
And, last but not least, girls. He didn't lie, he was interested. Not in 'I'm looking for a girlfriend' but more in a 'hey, that chick is kinda hot' way. He was a healthy teenaged male, substitute shinigami with a power of a hollow notwithstanding, and yeah, he noticed. Those weren't bad girls either and it wasn't like he was ignored, given some smiles and comments but...
If he had to blame anyone, he'd put it on Matsumoto. Seriously, he would. Orihime was just plain weird even if he loved her to pieces, Tatsuki he was friends with and Yoruichi...
Um. Yeah. Yoruichi. Let's not and say we did, okay?
But Matsumoto was the closest. She was actually... girly, as odd as it sounded, in the most 'modern' way, without that creepy quiet manner of Nemu's or no-nonsense, mature severity of Nanao's, or, if you wanted to live dangerously, Soi Fon and her... quirks. The blonde vice-captain could blend - hell but she could blend! Well, aside from those curves, but even then she was in character, so to speak.
And then those laughing looked at you and calmly outlined a plan of attack in the same ditzy tone she used to needle you on the current living world cosmetics she'd be sooooo grateful to have and pretty please and bounce bounce please?
Or she could just draw Haineko.
Yep.
That'd be about it.
Toshiro had no idea what kind of a roller coaster ride he was on. Ichigo almost pitied him - after he stopped laughing. This was going to be amusing come payout and he was going to be there, even if he had to bribe Onmitsukido to do so, just to see it first hand.
Still, it was all Matsumoto's fault - if not for her, Ichigo would never realize that normal girls really didn't cut it for him. He was so going to make her pay one day. Oh yeah, he would. But first things first and what the hell was Chanel no. 22?!
No matter. Mail order catalogs to the rescue. Pity there was no mailing service to Soul Society. Maybe leave the delivery to Renji...? No. The damn bastard refuses. Son of a bitch!
No matter. He'd just do it all... stealthy like.
Maybe Soi Fon would help? God knew she was all nin-nin and stuff.
Dammit, he'd swear Rangiku had some sort of a radar for those things... or maybe she did? Considering she could find Toshiro no matter where he was...
And, by the way, that white-haired icicle was going to take the fucking responsibility if it killed him! No way he was shelling his hard-fought for money each year just because Matsumoto was curious and bouncy and a goddamn swindler!
Dammit!
Yeah. Soi Fon. Soi Fon would help. She just had to. Bored Matsumoto was a menace, she just had to see it.
Anyway...
College.
Yeah.
So he felt sort of cheated.
He didn't ditch the lectures, he didn't end up drunk on the floor every weekend, didn't do drugs because he didn't want to and smoking didn't really catch his interest.
Lo and behold - Kurosaki Ichigo, the model student. Ishida was goddamn wild in comparison, and Orihime was a genuine party animal.
Not to say he had gone all quiet-like, oh no.
Private Senkaimon, remember?
And although that one was only to and from Soul Society...
Ha!
There are benefits of having abilities of a hollow, absurd Espada-crushing reiatsu level aside.
Garganta, ah Garganta! Sweet stuff.
Or would be if he knew how to do it. At first he thought he did - Hollow powers were, after all, instinctive, right? Not like Kido, which had to be trained and trained and trained until your brain turned to mush. Nah. Bang - power, man! Overwhelming power! Gimmie that Espada line-up and keep 'em coming!
As if.
After he walked out of the mess his first attempt turned into, he made two solemn oaths.
Number one - no one was to know of what transpired. EVER.
Number two - he was going to phone Urahara Shoten and ask for lessons from your friendly neighborhood ex-Espada, like he should have done to begin with.
Sensible, clear cut and foolproof. He had the time to spare given the sort-of disappointment that his college life had become. Not like he had anything else that required his attention. Nel was fun to be around and he was overdue for a visit anyway.
What could go wrong?
He still felt like face palming himself with a nice Gran Rey Cero each time he remembered that.
*
"I tell you you really need-"
"Oh for god's sake..." Ichigo rolled his eyes, carrying a stack of books on antique history and juggling them as he searched for a key. It'd be so much easier to just use shunpo and be done with it, but then there was Ishimura, and the Old Man was pissed with him for going bankai last month as it was. So okay, that arrancar was both stupid and not really rating that but he was rather bored. You could play chess with your zanpakuto only so much, and Zangetsu beat him at it like hell. How, he had no idea, since the zanpakuto was a part of him, and he wasn't all that good at chess to begin with. Maybe it was Rukia's fault? The chibi was hellishly good, and her power was in her, so maybe that zanpakuto of hers...?
Nah. That'd be just...
Though on the other hand. who knew? The whole zanpakuto thing was weird as it was. Still, he'd have to ask Urahara the next time he visited the shop. Ichigo'd bet the kooky scientist would know, or would have a way to find out if he didn't.
"Hey man, I'm just looking out for you, man." Ishimura Ken, motormouth, layabout and self-declared playboy shrugged, taking a drag from his 'cool' and rather overpriced cigarette. "It ain't healthy, you know? All those books, repression..."
"I'm not... ow...!" Ichigo grabbed a book, cursing as he saw his own hand blurring - or rather he knew it blurred, because of the funny little aural distortion around it. He learned to watch for it when a girl from class caught him going through assigned material when he was sort-of late. He didn't know how fast he was going, but then the librarian's spite was cero-like after he gave back that poor book. Well, it _was_ sort of falling apart at the seams... stupid books. Not his fault they were so damn flimsy! "I am not. repressing. anything." The blond gritted his teeth, forcing his limbs to move slower as he grabbed the key and opened the door.
"So you say, man. So you say." Ishimura nodded. "And you'll keep on reading, and reading and reading and ignoring the world, and then snap, stalk some girl and then I'll read in paper that you cut some folks with a hatchet and I'll feel like an ass."
Ichigo's eyebrow twitched faintly, his hand itching for that nice, familiar weight.
'...I'd show you a hatchet.' He thought darkly.
"Come on, it's not like you're some loser, man! I mean, that cute Suzume-san? She's really into you, man, Kyoko-chan told me! Dude, I know she wears those turtlenecks and stuff, but did you see her in a swimsuit? Sure, she's all slender like, but she's really cute!" He grinned, laying his arm on Ichigo's shoulder. "Come on, man - it'll be fun! I'll introduce you to some friends, you can phone her and, hell, Kyoko-chan would be more than happy to-"
"No."
"Come on, man!" The other boy whined. "Help me out here, I've got big bucks riding on this!"
Ichigo paused, looking at him incredulously.
"...what?"
The other man laughed nervously, backing a step.
"Well, Izumi said you were gay, and I said you're not. I mean, there's nothing wrong with that if you were, but I know you ain't checking out guys so I thought I could get some cash, you could get a girlfriend and everybody wins, see?" He babbled as Ichigo's frown deepened. "I mean I'm not a jerk, I'd share the cash and it isn't like I'm lying' since Suzume-san is cute and is into you and... well... help me out, man. Please?"
Ichigo stared at his roommate for a long moment, before turning back to his door.
"Don't be like that, man!" Ken whined. "Just one date! If you don't like Suzume... well, damn we can work something out! I mean... there are lot's of girls and you wouldn't believe the kind of girl I'd seen this evening on the campus she-"
Tune in, tune out and let it go away. If there was a thing he had learned living in the dorms it was the fact that Ishimura had an amazing talent - he could describe any girl, any woman at all, and make them look the same. How, Ichigo had no bloody idea, but he could, he did and did it so frequently at that the blond learned to tune him out very quickly.
"...and those boobs, dude! That shirt did nothing to-"
Yes, more or less like that.
"...and that green dye looked so damn natural you wouldn't-"
...wait. Halt. What?
"Ichigoooooo!"
Oh.
That.
He rolled.
Well, sort of. Not that he tried but when a green, joyful comet hits you it doesn't matter how badass you are - you roll. Well, fall down, but its more or less the same thing.
"...hi Nel."
Ishimura stood. Watched. Put out his fancy cigarette carefully.
"Dude." He said after a moment. "You ain't gay."
Ichigo blinked.
"...what?"
"You really ain't gay!" Ishimura grinned "Hell yeah! I can work with that!"
Ichigo glared at his roommate.
"Oh fuck you, Ishimura. Fuck you."
"Oh ho ho!" The man put down his ridiculous shades up in a manner that reminded Ichigo of Aizen in a most creepily amusing fashion and waltzed out, grinning like a loon. "Don't be shy on my account, I was just leaving so enjoy your time, eh? I think I'll go and catch a movie. Or five. Toodles!"
"Bai bai!" Nel waved, still somehow clutching Ichigo in her vice-like grip, causing Ichigo to redden as her basketball-sized breasts rubbed his rather thin t-shirt in the process. Somehow, the ex-Espada never quite got that hugging him in her childlike form or in her adult form is any different, and proved that hierro was better than any push-up bra, gigai or no gigai.
"And Ichigo...?" The blond turned to the door, only to see Ishimura showing him a ridiculous thumbs-up not out of place on the certain older Kurosaki. "Rock on, dude!"
"Um, Nel... could you please...offffff-!"
Ichigo's eyes bugged out as the familiar grip tightened, causing the air to escape from his lungs.
'Women are supposed to take the breath away... but this is ridiculous...!'
"Nel...!"
"Ichigooooo!" The Arrancar laughed, nuzzling his head affectionately.
"....air..." he squeaked.
'...note to self - remind the ex-Tercera Espada human bodies are a bit fragile.'
*
He assumed that learning Hollow abilities would come nicely and sensibly - maybe during breaks from school when he had some time to spare to drop by Urahara Shoten over the weekends. Hell, not like he couldn't - shunpo to the rescue and all that. Even if he didn't want to... well, He was sure that an extra fight or two with Kenpachi would get him a bit of tweaking with Senkaimon done until he got hang of the Garganta.
Of course given he was dealing with Urahara Shoten he really should have known better.
The fact that Nel also recited an obviously Urahara-authored little line convinced him that the goddamn mad scientist was meddling. Again.
"In the name of Urahara Shoten, who serves our customers high, low and in between, I am here to give you, Ichigo-sama, a first rate service!"
Let it never be said that Neliel Tu Odershvank wasn't a dedicated, energetic employee and an asset to the company. Well, assets, with an Urahara Shoten shirt two sizes too small. Who convinced Nel that wearing it is a good idea he could pretty much be sure of.
"Ah, listen Nel... not that I'm not appreciating the fact you came all that way to help me and all, but won't that be a bit troublesome for you going back and forth all the time?"
The ex-Espada blinked.
"Why would I be going back and forth?" She asked puzzled.
"To get back to Urahara Shoten?" Ichigo hazarded with a sudden sinking feeling. "You know, work and all?"
"Ah, no, don't be silly!" Neliel waved her hand with a laugh. "I'm not going anywhere, so I'll be able to devote all my time to you. It is all part of the service provided!" She pointed to a bag that laid next to the wall. "I have everything I need right here!" The arrancar smiled cheerfully. "We are going to have so much fun, Ichigo!" She squealed, grabbing him in a hug again.
Ichigo's eyebrow twitched.
'You're a dead man, Geta-boshi.'
*
"Hey Manager," Jinta walked into Urahara's room with a frown. "Where's Nel? She was supposed to handle that gikongan shipment this week and I can't find her anywhere."
"Ah, she was working so hard I thought I'd send her on a little business holiday." Urahara waved his fan with a smile. "An employee bonus, you might say!"
"Business holiday?" Jinta scratched his head with puzzlement. "But her futon's still here."
"And that, my faithful employee, is why it is called a bonus!" Urahara said cheerfully, snapping a pink fan open, waving it enthusiastically as he walked away, twirling his cane with a giggle, trailing pink sparks as he went down the corridor. "Ohohohoho...!"
Jinta stared after his quirky boss, blinking. The cackling wasn't exactly new- even if it caused Jinta's well-honed survival instincts to rise to alerts, and the pink sparks, while hardly an ordinary thing, he could buy - Urahara was just weird. There was however that one little bit...
"...was it me, or was Benihime doing a queen bitch laugh?" The redhead said dumbly
***
TBC...
Now we can safely say that Ichigo's peace/boredom just ended with a whimper. Don't worry - entertainment will enter with grace and swagger soon enough.
If he thought it was bad now, he was oh so very wrong in so many ways...
Next - where disaster meows!
It'd be out much earlier, but then editor mions are slow and need a whip and a gun to their head more often than not.
On an unrelated note, some peoeple seem to think I am on a hiatus or something - it isn't true. It is true that I had a time I had to slow down considerably because I simply lacked time, but right now I'm back and had been for a while. That's good news. Bad news is my muse is both a nympho and a slut and my writing ADD hit a new high.
Knowing the state well I let it run its course. I actually have huge pieces of various fics already written - Warborn among them - I just need to sit down, focus and glue them together into a coherent chapter or two. So far, given my inspiration attack, it... isn't going very well to say the least.
Yes, I have a writing ADD, but no I don't forget about my older stories. You'd be surprised what's being written. Or maybe not. We'll see.
On an even less related note for ff.net drones and assorted whiners:
I don't know how many times I said that the fact there is a gap between updates doesn't mean the story is abandoned and forgotten. If they can't understand that's their goddamn problem. I am through being polite. I write what I want, when I want and how I want. Get the fuck out of my way.
Now those who complain may claim I am arrogant and bitchy. For once I did give them a reason.
For those who got used to me and tolerate my ego, gammar, hack writing skills and gaps between the updates - my sincere thanks and gratitude for your patience. I'll strive not to dissapoint you. Much. B)
And without further ado, let's get this show on the road.
*
#3
"Alma Mater"
*
College, Ichigo decided, was okay.
Not good, not bad, but okay.
College life, on the other hand, he felt cheated by. Everyone went on and on how college life was fun, how 'cool' and how it was the 'best time ever'. Hell, even movies glorified it - but then movies glorified the high school as well, so he should have known the deal from the start.
It wasn't that it was bad... it just... sorta was. Only not.
So, you're in college, you can miss the lectures and not get in trouble. Big whoop. Been there, done that, worn out the shihakusho or two.
So... beer! Beer made everything better!
...yeah, right.
He found it amusing precisely once, after he saw some frat boys going down after some piss-like brew that barely qualified as a mild buzz. While he was never one to go barhopping, Renji _was_ and, well... gigai or not didn't make the carrot-top a whit of difference, especially after he had Urahara cook up those ID's. That night at a strip joint didn't happen, no matter what pictures had shown. They were doctored, and Yoruichi's smug little smile and conspiratorial wink shared with Rukia meant nothing. NOTHING.
Ah. Parties. Yeah.
He went to one or two - he couldn't quite recall simply because it was about as exciting as watching paint dry. Some people listening to too loud music, drinking too much beer and too many guys desperately trying to hit on girls who either didn't care or didn't know exactly if they did or not.
And, last but not least, girls. He didn't lie, he was interested. Not in 'I'm looking for a girlfriend' but more in a 'hey, that chick is kinda hot' way. He was a healthy teenaged male, substitute shinigami with a power of a hollow notwithstanding, and yeah, he noticed. Those weren't bad girls either and it wasn't like he was ignored, given some smiles and comments but...
If he had to blame anyone, he'd put it on Matsumoto. Seriously, he would. Orihime was just plain weird even if he loved her to pieces, Tatsuki he was friends with and Yoruichi...
Um. Yeah. Yoruichi. Let's not and say we did, okay?
But Matsumoto was the closest. She was actually... girly, as odd as it sounded, in the most 'modern' way, without that creepy quiet manner of Nemu's or no-nonsense, mature severity of Nanao's, or, if you wanted to live dangerously, Soi Fon and her... quirks. The blonde vice-captain could blend - hell but she could blend! Well, aside from those curves, but even then she was in character, so to speak.
And then those laughing looked at you and calmly outlined a plan of attack in the same ditzy tone she used to needle you on the current living world cosmetics she'd be sooooo grateful to have and pretty please and bounce bounce please?
Or she could just draw Haineko.
Yep.
That'd be about it.
Toshiro had no idea what kind of a roller coaster ride he was on. Ichigo almost pitied him - after he stopped laughing. This was going to be amusing come payout and he was going to be there, even if he had to bribe Onmitsukido to do so, just to see it first hand.
Still, it was all Matsumoto's fault - if not for her, Ichigo would never realize that normal girls really didn't cut it for him. He was so going to make her pay one day. Oh yeah, he would. But first things first and what the hell was Chanel no. 22?!
No matter. Mail order catalogs to the rescue. Pity there was no mailing service to Soul Society. Maybe leave the delivery to Renji...? No. The damn bastard refuses. Son of a bitch!
No matter. He'd just do it all... stealthy like.
Maybe Soi Fon would help? God knew she was all nin-nin and stuff.
Dammit, he'd swear Rangiku had some sort of a radar for those things... or maybe she did? Considering she could find Toshiro no matter where he was...
And, by the way, that white-haired icicle was going to take the fucking responsibility if it killed him! No way he was shelling his hard-fought for money each year just because Matsumoto was curious and bouncy and a goddamn swindler!
Dammit!
Yeah. Soi Fon. Soi Fon would help. She just had to. Bored Matsumoto was a menace, she just had to see it.
Anyway...
College.
Yeah.
So he felt sort of cheated.
He didn't ditch the lectures, he didn't end up drunk on the floor every weekend, didn't do drugs because he didn't want to and smoking didn't really catch his interest.
Lo and behold - Kurosaki Ichigo, the model student. Ishida was goddamn wild in comparison, and Orihime was a genuine party animal.
Not to say he had gone all quiet-like, oh no.
Private Senkaimon, remember?
And although that one was only to and from Soul Society...
Ha!
There are benefits of having abilities of a hollow, absurd Espada-crushing reiatsu level aside.
Garganta, ah Garganta! Sweet stuff.
Or would be if he knew how to do it. At first he thought he did - Hollow powers were, after all, instinctive, right? Not like Kido, which had to be trained and trained and trained until your brain turned to mush. Nah. Bang - power, man! Overwhelming power! Gimmie that Espada line-up and keep 'em coming!
As if.
After he walked out of the mess his first attempt turned into, he made two solemn oaths.
Number one - no one was to know of what transpired. EVER.
Number two - he was going to phone Urahara Shoten and ask for lessons from your friendly neighborhood ex-Espada, like he should have done to begin with.
Sensible, clear cut and foolproof. He had the time to spare given the sort-of disappointment that his college life had become. Not like he had anything else that required his attention. Nel was fun to be around and he was overdue for a visit anyway.
What could go wrong?
He still felt like face palming himself with a nice Gran Rey Cero each time he remembered that.
*
"I tell you you really need-"
"Oh for god's sake..." Ichigo rolled his eyes, carrying a stack of books on antique history and juggling them as he searched for a key. It'd be so much easier to just use shunpo and be done with it, but then there was Ishimura, and the Old Man was pissed with him for going bankai last month as it was. So okay, that arrancar was both stupid and not really rating that but he was rather bored. You could play chess with your zanpakuto only so much, and Zangetsu beat him at it like hell. How, he had no idea, since the zanpakuto was a part of him, and he wasn't all that good at chess to begin with. Maybe it was Rukia's fault? The chibi was hellishly good, and her power was in her, so maybe that zanpakuto of hers...?
Nah. That'd be just...
Though on the other hand. who knew? The whole zanpakuto thing was weird as it was. Still, he'd have to ask Urahara the next time he visited the shop. Ichigo'd bet the kooky scientist would know, or would have a way to find out if he didn't.
"Hey man, I'm just looking out for you, man." Ishimura Ken, motormouth, layabout and self-declared playboy shrugged, taking a drag from his 'cool' and rather overpriced cigarette. "It ain't healthy, you know? All those books, repression..."
"I'm not... ow...!" Ichigo grabbed a book, cursing as he saw his own hand blurring - or rather he knew it blurred, because of the funny little aural distortion around it. He learned to watch for it when a girl from class caught him going through assigned material when he was sort-of late. He didn't know how fast he was going, but then the librarian's spite was cero-like after he gave back that poor book. Well, it _was_ sort of falling apart at the seams... stupid books. Not his fault they were so damn flimsy! "I am not. repressing. anything." The blond gritted his teeth, forcing his limbs to move slower as he grabbed the key and opened the door.
"So you say, man. So you say." Ishimura nodded. "And you'll keep on reading, and reading and reading and ignoring the world, and then snap, stalk some girl and then I'll read in paper that you cut some folks with a hatchet and I'll feel like an ass."
Ichigo's eyebrow twitched faintly, his hand itching for that nice, familiar weight.
'...I'd show you a hatchet.' He thought darkly.
"Come on, it's not like you're some loser, man! I mean, that cute Suzume-san? She's really into you, man, Kyoko-chan told me! Dude, I know she wears those turtlenecks and stuff, but did you see her in a swimsuit? Sure, she's all slender like, but she's really cute!" He grinned, laying his arm on Ichigo's shoulder. "Come on, man - it'll be fun! I'll introduce you to some friends, you can phone her and, hell, Kyoko-chan would be more than happy to-"
"No."
"Come on, man!" The other boy whined. "Help me out here, I've got big bucks riding on this!"
Ichigo paused, looking at him incredulously.
"...what?"
The other man laughed nervously, backing a step.
"Well, Izumi said you were gay, and I said you're not. I mean, there's nothing wrong with that if you were, but I know you ain't checking out guys so I thought I could get some cash, you could get a girlfriend and everybody wins, see?" He babbled as Ichigo's frown deepened. "I mean I'm not a jerk, I'd share the cash and it isn't like I'm lying' since Suzume-san is cute and is into you and... well... help me out, man. Please?"
Ichigo stared at his roommate for a long moment, before turning back to his door.
"Don't be like that, man!" Ken whined. "Just one date! If you don't like Suzume... well, damn we can work something out! I mean... there are lot's of girls and you wouldn't believe the kind of girl I'd seen this evening on the campus she-"
Tune in, tune out and let it go away. If there was a thing he had learned living in the dorms it was the fact that Ishimura had an amazing talent - he could describe any girl, any woman at all, and make them look the same. How, Ichigo had no bloody idea, but he could, he did and did it so frequently at that the blond learned to tune him out very quickly.
"...and those boobs, dude! That shirt did nothing to-"
Yes, more or less like that.
"...and that green dye looked so damn natural you wouldn't-"
...wait. Halt. What?
"Ichigoooooo!"
Oh.
That.
He rolled.
Well, sort of. Not that he tried but when a green, joyful comet hits you it doesn't matter how badass you are - you roll. Well, fall down, but its more or less the same thing.
"...hi Nel."
Ishimura stood. Watched. Put out his fancy cigarette carefully.
"Dude." He said after a moment. "You ain't gay."
Ichigo blinked.
"...what?"
"You really ain't gay!" Ishimura grinned "Hell yeah! I can work with that!"
Ichigo glared at his roommate.
"Oh fuck you, Ishimura. Fuck you."
"Oh ho ho!" The man put down his ridiculous shades up in a manner that reminded Ichigo of Aizen in a most creepily amusing fashion and waltzed out, grinning like a loon. "Don't be shy on my account, I was just leaving so enjoy your time, eh? I think I'll go and catch a movie. Or five. Toodles!"
"Bai bai!" Nel waved, still somehow clutching Ichigo in her vice-like grip, causing Ichigo to redden as her basketball-sized breasts rubbed his rather thin t-shirt in the process. Somehow, the ex-Espada never quite got that hugging him in her childlike form or in her adult form is any different, and proved that hierro was better than any push-up bra, gigai or no gigai.
"And Ichigo...?" The blond turned to the door, only to see Ishimura showing him a ridiculous thumbs-up not out of place on the certain older Kurosaki. "Rock on, dude!"
"Um, Nel... could you please...offffff-!"
Ichigo's eyes bugged out as the familiar grip tightened, causing the air to escape from his lungs.
'Women are supposed to take the breath away... but this is ridiculous...!'
"Nel...!"
"Ichigooooo!" The Arrancar laughed, nuzzling his head affectionately.
"....air..." he squeaked.
'...note to self - remind the ex-Tercera Espada human bodies are a bit fragile.'
*
He assumed that learning Hollow abilities would come nicely and sensibly - maybe during breaks from school when he had some time to spare to drop by Urahara Shoten over the weekends. Hell, not like he couldn't - shunpo to the rescue and all that. Even if he didn't want to... well, He was sure that an extra fight or two with Kenpachi would get him a bit of tweaking with Senkaimon done until he got hang of the Garganta.
Of course given he was dealing with Urahara Shoten he really should have known better.
The fact that Nel also recited an obviously Urahara-authored little line convinced him that the goddamn mad scientist was meddling. Again.
"In the name of Urahara Shoten, who serves our customers high, low and in between, I am here to give you, Ichigo-sama, a first rate service!"
Let it never be said that Neliel Tu Odershvank wasn't a dedicated, energetic employee and an asset to the company. Well, assets, with an Urahara Shoten shirt two sizes too small. Who convinced Nel that wearing it is a good idea he could pretty much be sure of.
"Ah, listen Nel... not that I'm not appreciating the fact you came all that way to help me and all, but won't that be a bit troublesome for you going back and forth all the time?"
The ex-Espada blinked.
"Why would I be going back and forth?" She asked puzzled.
"To get back to Urahara Shoten?" Ichigo hazarded with a sudden sinking feeling. "You know, work and all?"
"Ah, no, don't be silly!" Neliel waved her hand with a laugh. "I'm not going anywhere, so I'll be able to devote all my time to you. It is all part of the service provided!" She pointed to a bag that laid next to the wall. "I have everything I need right here!" The arrancar smiled cheerfully. "We are going to have so much fun, Ichigo!" She squealed, grabbing him in a hug again.
Ichigo's eyebrow twitched.
'You're a dead man, Geta-boshi.'
*
"Hey Manager," Jinta walked into Urahara's room with a frown. "Where's Nel? She was supposed to handle that gikongan shipment this week and I can't find her anywhere."
"Ah, she was working so hard I thought I'd send her on a little business holiday." Urahara waved his fan with a smile. "An employee bonus, you might say!"
"Business holiday?" Jinta scratched his head with puzzlement. "But her futon's still here."
"And that, my faithful employee, is why it is called a bonus!" Urahara said cheerfully, snapping a pink fan open, waving it enthusiastically as he walked away, twirling his cane with a giggle, trailing pink sparks as he went down the corridor. "Ohohohoho...!"
Jinta stared after his quirky boss, blinking. The cackling wasn't exactly new- even if it caused Jinta's well-honed survival instincts to rise to alerts, and the pink sparks, while hardly an ordinary thing, he could buy - Urahara was just weird. There was however that one little bit...
"...was it me, or was Benihime doing a queen bitch laugh?" The redhead said dumbly
***
TBC...
Now we can safely say that Ichigo's peace/boredom just ended with a whimper. Don't worry - entertainment will enter with grace and swagger soon enough.
If he thought it was bad now, he was oh so very wrong in so many ways...
Next - where disaster meows!