Nasuverse Psyren + FSN Crossover

Azure

Well-Known Member
#26
They probably need a new name to reflect their new goals, they probably won't go by Yggdra since not everybody will be a part of the family, but maybe it will have a name that is related to trees? Something like the Millennial Root? Okay, that was bad, but you get the idea.
 

Leidolf

Well-Known Member
#27
Mechanics of Plot

Nemesis Q & Time Travel
Nemesis Q is the avatar of the psychicer Kirie Fujou, empowered by the Counter Force and can send the souls of the drifters to the future while their real bodies stay in the present through a contract. Thus it is akin to using leyshift, with the soul’s manifestation in the future being something akin to a Servant’s Materialization.
Since the  body reflects the soul, if the spiritual body of someone in the future that is hurt, the damage will be transmitted to the body in the present explaining why someone can get killed or grow stronger there.

A contract is established by making a call to a number on a phone, which immediately draws the avatar of Nemesis Q towards them in spiritual form, invisible to the naked eye and most senses. Nemesis Q scans the area within earshot for any non-Drifter with awakened magic circuits to avoid detection, and the call will play an automated message to try again later if detected. If there are no detected magic circuits, the questionnaire is given and the card is stated to be delivered the next day.  

Facts about Nemesis Q & Time Travel
·         In order to prevent a paradox (a.k.a what Archer was aiming for), all those under an active contract are removed from the world before their younger counterparts are brought in.
·         Time is somewhat distorted during the Time Travel. The time-difference is about 1 hour in the present to 12 hours in the future.
·         The magic circuit restriction is to prevent the compromised factions (the organizations the Akshayavat have infiltrated) from learning of the time travel, possibly leading to Nemesis Q being destroyed and the leyshift becoming unavailable.
·         Nemesis Q finalizes the contract establishment while the person is dreaming through a spiritual link, with the physical card appearing next to their bodies akin to Projection.
·         The sensation of the contract being established is that of a chain around the heart and brain.
 
Calling Card & Psyren Game
Once one has a Calling Card from Nemesis Q (a physical proof of the contract), they are officially drifters and subjected to the rules even after they have cleared the game. These rules and the value can be seen by pressing the card against their forehead. Because the goal of the game is different than in canon (Nemesis Q is a proxy of the Counter Force instead of looking for her brother), the rules are different in some aspects.

Rules

·         Drifters are those that have entered a contract with Nemesis Q to leap their souls through time.
·         Active Drifters are those who still have a value on their cards.
·         Active Drifters are required to respond to the summons within a set amount of time or die.
·         Drifters are bound by the rules even after the card’s value is used up.
·         Active Drifters that die in Psyren will have their souls turned to Ether and their bodies left behind in the present die.
·         Drifters are not allowed to directly talk about the events of Psyren to anyone affiliated with compromised factions in the present under penalty of death. This includes those that will become affiliated before the events of Psyren.

When Nemesis Q sends the summoning for the leyshift, a ringing only audible to the Active Drifter will occur over time. The drifter must call the number on the calling card to answer the summoning. Not answering the summoning within a set period of time will be considered a violation of the contract and induce death in the Drifter.
The clear condition of the round of the game will be received in the form of a vision courtesy of their spiritual connection to Nemesis Q tethering them to the future. These conditions can be to locate a certain individual or investigate a certain area, but all of them are significant in some way to unraveling the mystery of what is responsible for the change in the future.

Facts about Rules & Psyren Game
·         The rules cannot be directly violated, but loopholes can be exploited.
·         The contract can be broken by Rule Breaker.
·         Nemesis Q will scan the physical body for any clothing or weapons and register them onto the spiritual body before beginning the leyshift.
·         The requirements to clear the current round of the game may or may not be given immediately upon arrival.
 
 
 
 
Ouroboros
Ouroboros is an extra-solar terminal from a planet that died, but refused to accept death. The planet launched its terminal to space and sent it to Earth as a parasite, meant to do is terraform the Earth into the same planet it came from. By sending out fragments of itself ahead of time, it arranged for an anchor to be placed within Gaia and thus allow it to overwrite without interference from the world itself.

Gaia is not completely dead by the time of the Psyren Game, but in the process of being taken over by the will of Ouroboros. The process has resulted in the atmosphere being saturated in mana, blocked by towers that release a silvery substance to completely hinder sunlight from reaching the surface.

Facts about Ouroboros
·         The Taboo monsters are the result of it trying to harvest the remaining living creatures on Earth to make it into the new life of the planet that will be born.
·         The overtaking process has resulted in the atmosphere being saturated in mana, which sustains the Taboo and mutates Drifters into Psychicers.
·         Ouroboros is vulnerable to the same weaknesses as other Aristoteles and can be killed through the use of Black Barrel.
·         Ouroboros overwriting Gaia has awakened ORT and the two are competing to see which becomes dominant.
·         Ouroboros has its herald, Mithra, possessing Fiore Forvedge Yggdmillenia.
 
Conditions of the Future
The future is overrun with Taboo due to the efforts of the Akshayavat in terraforming the planet, with wildlife and plant-life nearly depleted entirely. The human survivors are few in number and are mostly scattered throughout the world. Certain surviving factions have taken up different actions during this course of time:
·         The primary surviving beings in the future are Psychiers, Taboo, and Dead Apostles.
·         The DAA are currently in the midst of a civil war about the Dark Six’s plans to use Gaia’s near-death and mana to awaken the Crimson Moon once more in the Aylesbury ritual and take the world for themselves, thus conflicting with the Akshayavat.
·         ORT has begun to expand further and is currently being kept at bay by agents of Akshayavat and has encompassed the majority of South America.
·         Rosetta Stone gradually becomes a power in itself as the trips through time weaken the Akshayavat and expand globally.
·         Because the magecraft foundation (Gaia) is damaged extensively, magecraft is something a dying art and some foundations have been completely eradicated, hence why Psychicers are needed and their abilities are strengthened there.
 
Psychicers & Psychic Powers
Psychic powers of the Drifters are classified in Nasuverse-terms as them having specialized circuits to realize supernatural-powers by being exposed to the atmosphere of Psyren on a spiritual-level—it’s a mutation on their souls. The powers utilize mana to work and enhanced when in the future, due to Gaia being overwritten and dying, thus releasing an enormous amount of mana that is trapped by the substance emitted by the towers to block the sunlight. Because they are realizing mysteries without spells or foundations, the strain of the powers place on them is fairly greater until they implement “programs”.

PSI Types (FSN Skill Comparison):
·         Rise (Reinforcement): Using PSI to enhance one's body, divided into enhancing five senses (Sense), physical capabilities (Strength), and regenerative (Healing).
·         Trance (Mental Interference): Use PSI to tamper with the mind, usually through direct interference with the mind. High-end skills can crystallize it act similar to Burst and overwhelm with Trance waves, but it has minimal physical presence.
·         Burst (Physical Interference): Using PSI to manifest something in the outside world, whether elemental or a projection of some kind. Has a strong physical presence and can incorporate various attributes.
·         Hybrid: Some PSI can combine two different aspects into one, such as Cure (Healing and Burst) or Visions (Trance and Sense).
·         Zone: PSI that control a location or territory, allowing one to act in some manner that others cannot.
·         Nova: Combining the three forms of PSI into one, each is unique.

PSI Ranking Level:
·         Nonexistent: Absolutely no skill in the field whatsoever.
·         Inept: Can barely do the basic of the basics.
·         Average: Has an understanding of the basics and can use them with little-to-no difficulty.
·         Proficient: Above average skill in the area.
·         Monster: One of the best in the field.
·         Almighty: Best of the best.

Facts about Psychicers & Psychic Powers
·         Psychicers are a mixture of Psychics of Kara no Kyoukai and the Ether Liners of Notes, having been granted enhanced powers by the abnormal environment affecting their souls and causing a mutation to grant psychic powers.
·         Psychicers are stronger in the time of Psyren because of the mana-infused environment.
·         Programming of psychic powers is similar to the development of spells.
 
Taboo
The new life-forms that will inherit the earth after its terraformation, the primary Taboo are simple-minded workers similar to ants and bees functioning in a colony. The more-intelligent kinds are those who retained their sense of self after undergoing Illumina Forge or the Akshayavat.

The reason why sunlight is deadly to Taboo is similar to why vampires are damaged by it—they are subjected to the Common Sense of the Solar System corroding something that's been contaminated with an outside presence.

Types:

·         Scavengers: Those that scour the land for biomass and resources that needs to be harvested.
·         Scouts: Those that scout the area in search of an objective programmed into their core. They are equipped to carry out a set task.
·         Soldiers: Those that are made to fight and are often used on the front lines.
·         Scrappers: Those who take trash and rubble to a dumping ground.
·         Builders: Those that are used to construct monuments and other structures.
·         Standard: Those are general purpose and can be customized.
 
Facts about Taboo
·         Taboo are the equivalent of A-Rays from Notes.
·         Humans who are converted to Taboo often end up as Soldiers and Scouts.
·         Some Humans who are converted to Taboo can develop PSI.
·         The Illumina Forge process causes 99% of the subjects to accept the will of Ouroboros.
·         The Illumina Core is a vital weak-spot. Damaging it can undo the brainwashing.
 
Akshayavat (W.I.S.E)
Named for the sacred fig in Hindu Mythology that stood on top of the world after Narayana flooded the entire world for a moment with their divine power, this name represents how the members will stand on top of the world and watch as Ouroboros remakes the world into a better one.

The members of Akshayavat are responsible for crippling the various magical organizations and forces that can stop Ouroboros’ arrival. Most of the members were allured by the power of Ouroboros and have a core implanted within them to oversee the various development of the new world.  A vast   

The Akshayavat is divided into several divisions:

Council of Elders
The elite of the elites among the organization and the ones spearheading the entire thing, their membership remains whereas the others aren’t promised.
·         Fiore Forvedge (Mithra)
·         Darnic Prestone Yggdmillennia
·         Julian Ainsworth

Millennial Commanders
The group that leads the various forces, gathered together to deal with the lingering resistance all over the world and various complications.
·         Millennial Commander of Frontlines: Kishima Kouma
·         Millennial Commander of Life Propagation: Gordes Kusik
·         Millennial Commander of Outriders: Sancraid Phahn
·         Millennial Commander of Research and Engineering: Roche Frain
·         Millennial Commander of Investigation & Interrogation: Celenike Icecolle

Frontlines

The members of Akshayavat that lead their forces against the remaining factors that oppose them on the dying Earth, such as agents of Gaia and the Vampires. It is under the command of Kouma (who is a thrall of Darnic), with the sub-commander being the turn-coat vampire, Enhance.
·         Commander: Kouma
·         Sub-Commander: Enhance
·         Other Notable Members:  None at present

Life Propagation

The members of Akshayavat that lead head the creation of Taboo, nurturing new life for the world to come. They are led by Gordes, with Erika being the sub-commander.
·         Commander: Gordes Musik
·         Sub-Commander: Erika Ainsworth
·         Other Notable Members:  None at present

Outriders

The members of Akshayavat that lead scours the land to deal with lesser problems and in search of threats that aren’t as pressing to require the front lines. The commander is Sancraid Phahn, and the sub-commander is Angelica.
·         Commander: Sancraid Phahn
·         Sub-Commander: Angelica
·         Head of Japanese Division: Lio Shirazumi (Third Timeline),
·         Head of Japanese Division: Hyouma Sagara (Fourth Timeline)

Research & Development

The members of Akshayavat that lead head the creation of PSI-based weapons and creation of new technologies to deal with threat, such as ORT, and improving on the Illumina. They are led by Roche Frain, with N/A being the sub-commander.
·         Commander: Roche Frain
·         Sub-Commander: N/A
·         Other Notable Members:  Caules Forvedge Yggdmillenia

Investigation & Interrogation

The members of Akshayavat that handle the interrogation and investigation of their enemies, they specialize in learning their secrets and breaking them. The commander is Celenike Icecolle, and the sub-commander is N/A.
·         Commander: Celenike Icecolle
·         Sub-Commander: N/A
·         Head of Japanese Division: Misaya Ouji

Facts about Akshayavat
·         When one agent of the Akshayavat is killed, another can be replaced unless the fragment (core) is destroyed—the fact that they failed to do this at their first attempt with Leo (in the past) led to the replacement bringing back up in the fourth arc.
·         Most of the core members were a part of Yggdmillennia.
·         The membership can change depending on the actions of the Drifters in the past.

Ending
  • Getting rid of Ouroboros in the future has the Church and Atlas brings out the Black Barrel to kill it, since it is made of Grain. However, this is only possible after the agents in the Church and Atlas are dealt with in the past.
  • Getting rid of Ouroboros in the present has multiple steps:
  1. Shiki and Ciel will go through with Tsukihime's manga end (they track down the castle that Arc is sleeping in that's been isolated by a member of the Akshayavat using a variation of Trick Room).
  2. Rin will take the information to Waver and they root out the Akshayavat in the MA in the past, while Sion deals with the Atlas infiltrator, and others deal with the Church and Sea of Estray.
  3. Shirou will Rule Breaker the Drifters to free them from the contract with Nemesis Q (the bit about not talking to members of MA, Atlas, and Church), so they can help take on Kouma and Darnic with the Fuyuki Drifters (if they don't want to kill him, they just need to take him down long enough for someone to get rid of the Seed being used as a conduit for Darnic’s Trance).
  4. Shinji hits Darnic with Fear Itself, loaded with All the Evils in the World to leave him crippled long enough for someone to kill him.
  5. Arc, empowered by Gaia, will destroy the anchor while Ciel uses the Black Barrel to shoot down the Terminal.
 

Azure

Well-Known Member
#28
So far it's all really good, honestly you probably could start writing this already.

Generally I hear people describe what you called physical magecraft (when comparing stuff to Burst) as nature interference spells, but honestly I probably wouldn't bother to compare PSI to magecraft that much. I think that Shinji might try at first to compare stuff, but quickly realize that the systems are not that compatible except for some basic principles (programming). Sometimes keeping stuff simple is for the best.

About Nemesis Q, are you dropping the bit about it being basically an independent PSI program made by a person? I thought you were going to keep that bit here too? Also, the bit about Nemesis Q not accepting even people who might be future members of one of the affected factions might be making things too complicated. Just have it not work for people with active circuits all around.

I like the name Akshayavat for the new version of Wise, it is different enough but cool. Since you mention that the membership changes with trips to Psyren, a cool thing to do might be to have some of the good guys that eventually join the Rosetta Stone, start as members of the Akshayavat. Like for example, the first time they meet Sion, she is being hunted by Akiha who is converted into a Taboo, but when they change the future with Akira, then Akiha's future is changed and the membership of the Wise changes. Sure you don't have to follow this example, but you get the idea, right? I think something like that might help the readers feel like Shinji and Co are making some big victories over the story. Plus the reverse could also happen, and good guys could end up being forced to work for Darnic if Shinji and Co tell them a wrong piece of information. Like when they try to kill Kouma they mess up and Darnic takes over one of the good guys with his seed (Shiki or Ciel?).

One of Psyren's strong points was seeing how the future changed by doing things in the past, and I think that should be something you play around with to really give the fic a fun flavor.
 

Leidolf

Well-Known Member
#29
Once I've finished working on the Outline for Arc 2 and Arc 3 I will start writing it. I'm doing it in a first person perspective like the VN.

On Magecraft:
Shinji's going to try comparing it after his first training session to strength his Telepathy (note: this is different from Mind Jack in that he's basically sending a cloud of PSI waves with his thoughts to someone else) and work out the basics of Mind Jack that way.

On Nemesis Q:
It's Kirie's projection shaped by the Counter Force basically using her as a giant wand like Caster planned on doing for Shirou. But yeah, active circuits is easier.

On Membership Changes:
The first time in Arc 3 will be Lio from Kara no Kyoukai and when they kill him (after Shinji Nightmare Jacks him to break down his mental defense and then look through his memories but can only get his name). When present!sion gets the name and images of the vision, it leads to her going after him with Shirou and Rin in the present (revealed in Arc 4). Because they killed him, but didn't destroy the fragment he got, it found a new host. This revelation will keep them in the loop. I'll keep your idea in mind, I do like it, and will try to find some way to work that in. (If I have Shirou compromised, he can't have access to UBW though. Too OP... but it would be a fate similar to Archer).
 

Azure

Well-Known Member
#30
I think that you have most things set up by now, the only thing I would consider working on a bit is the objective of each particular mission/jump, which I don't think you have really talked about that much.
 

Leidolf

Well-Known Member
#31
The first one is to get to the phone booth (adding to psychicher/saving Ayako), the second is to kill the sand worm (which prompts Sion (tracking its movements) into the picture and into investigating the nearest tower), the third has them ensure Sion's safety (to begin time deviation).


Time Line

Canon Events

The events that are set in stone before the beginning of the fanfic, these serve as the foundation for the characters and events that play out in the fic.
Note: Need canon timeline dates for comparison.

• Tsukihime (Arcueid Route): Roa is hit in the dot, Ciel is mortal again, Arcueid fought off her impulses after suppressing them for some time.
• Melty Blood (Manga): TATARI killed, Riesbyfe Stridberg data saved, and Sion is familiar with them.
• FSN (Unlimited Blade Works): No Saber, Shirou understands his power and dates Rin, Zouken gets bounced by Gilgamesh pulling out one of his armory designed to do that, Shinji becomes grail container and is saved.

Story Timelines
• First Timeline (Arc 1 - 3): Beginning in the Fall, six months after the end of UBW, Shinji and Gai get their cards and become Drifters, establishing the team itself and setting the ground for Sion to help unravel the future.
• Second Timeline (Arc 4): Because Shirou kills Lio in the past but didn’t destroy the fragment, he ends becoming a target of Darius when he and Rin join the Clocktower. Shirou is mind-broken into attack dog for the organization, Rin is killed. When they return to the past, they notify Akiha who gets into contact with Sion before they go hunting and changes it.
• Third Timeline (Arc 5): Because they killed Lio, destroyed a fragment, and didn’t join the MA, Rin and several other members of Rosetta Stone are still around. However, there is an increased presence of Akshayavat in Japan because of the fragment being destroyed and Shiro died saving as many people as possible.

There's still so many world-building elements that will need to be handled, but for the first three arcs things will be solid. I'll be reading Angel Notes to further that and rechecking the manga.
 

Azure

Well-Known Member
#32
I guess Nemesis Q assigns objectives based on what it thinks will help the team more right? I guess when it sees that Sion is useful then it would start to shift the mission objectives to revolving around her and finding out about the Ouroboros.

About the timeline, didn't FSN happen in 2004? With Tsuki happening one year before Fate (so 2003), and that places Melty as in Summer 2004 (post Fate). I guess that would mean Psyren might happen in 2015ish (around the same time as Grand Order?). So far the timeline looks good, and I like the idea of Darnic taking over Shirou for one timeline, or the Akshayavat becoming more active in Japan when Shinji and Co start doing serious damage to the organization. It really helps to make it seem like they are making some progress in preventing the dark future that is Psyren.
 

Leidolf

Well-Known Member
#33
That's what I'm aiming for.


On Shirou being an Agent of Akshayavat:
The Trip in Arc 4 will basically be the Tatsuo Arc, namely with Shirou. Only there's nothing in him to save anymore. Merging (or implanting in Shirou's case) with a fragment of Ourouborous connects them to its Terminal and allows them to see a channel into the workings of it, in short it gives them psychic powers as well. However, because each one contains it's will and Shirou obviously doesn't want to work with them, it shatters his mind and memories, leaving his future self as only the fragment wearing his body.

On Mystic Codes:
I'm thinking that after Rin gets pulled into Rosetta' Stone, she should be able to gather resources that can be used since the foundations of magecraft have been shattered. So they'll have mystic codes meant to boost their psychic powers (Tatsuo's gun in Psyren, Ayaka's Salamander glove) in the future using their Od (which powers their psychic abilities), and the blueprints would be transferred to Shinji and then Present!Sion, who would try to have them delivered to them in the present so they can take it with them in the changing timelines. Her Jeweled Sword would be OP until endgame.

In Shinji's case, he'll get a version of Sion's Etherlite, Etherlite Replica, to improve his Mind Jack and allow him to remove his body's limiter in an emergency.

Arc 2 Detailed Outline
Chapter 1

The next day in school, Issei has them gather at the base of the mountain. Ayako is already there and drinking a can of tea. Gai asks if she was okay, and she said Issei healed her up even though she's still a little tired and thanks them for helping them. Gai then says that Shinji was the one who carried her, but Shinji says she was the only one who knew what was going on and if she died he wouldn't find the way out (he's being Tsun). Ayako smiles and says then she retracts her thanks.

Issei then tells them they’re going, but when Gai tries to go up the stairs, Issei holds out his hand and says that the temple is in use. Shinji then said was what the point of them coming here, but Issei holds out his hand and creates glowing squares that fly and attaches to everyone. They suddenly feel weightless for a split-second after and the room around them has changed.

When Shinji grabs him by the collar and demands to know where they are and what he did, Issei knocks his hand aside and explains that they are in Copenhagen during the morning hours, while no one is around and that they arrived due to his PSI Power, Teleportation Marker. Gai asks if it’s like what Ayako did to kill the thing attacking them, so he decides it would be best if he explained from the start and tells them to pull out their cards.

When they do, he gives them the low down on the Psyren cards, explaining the nature of the game by stating when it first began for him. His first time, before the rumors of the cards spread, there were over a thirty people and only five made it back and explains that he's been looking into the increase in Sudden Death Syndrome around the world and figures that it's a global issue. Shinji then thinks to himself that it's basically worse than the HGW, before asking how they were expected to survive it going in with no information or warning.

Ayako speaks and says that by the time she got involved, Issei had been there to save her but no one else made it. Since then she's been training with his brother and Otoko, who is the daughter of the owner here, before showing off her Burst and explains that if they went through the fever then they should have the power too. Shinji thinks on it for a moment, but decides he wants out after a brief memory of what happened last time he got power (Gilgamesh) and it turned on him.

Otoko comes in then and states bluntly that there is no out. Those who don't play and ignore the buzzing die as well at some point from a brain aneurysm. The only way out is to survive, and to do that they must develop their PSI. She then gives the three classifications for PSI that they know of: Burst, Trance, and Rise.

Ayako demonstrates Burst, explaining that she basically concentrates on gathering up energy in her body into a ball and thinking that she wants to make it destroy something, so it explodes. Then she demonstrates Trance and states she pushes energy into her thoughts and then visualizes it going into their heads like a cloud, pushing her thoughts to them. She also shows Rise by lifting the entire table up from the end, before Otoko tells her not to break it.

Issei also adds that from what they understand, some people are better than others in some fields. Ayako is balanced in all three, but her specialty is Burst. Issei uses a hybrid form by combining his Burst and Rise to heal others. He also explains his Teleportation Marker technique let’s him lay down a marker that remains in a place and then fix smaller ones onto targets and the teleport there. He states since today is a Sunday and the store is closed, they'll begin training at once since most people are called back in two week intervals.


 
Chapter 2
Several hours have passed and Shinji is straining against the chair after being tied up with tape and being told that they had to just use Telekinesis to knock a can off a table while the others watched. Issei has left to get back to the temple, while Otoko is in the back handling inventory for tomorrow, leaving Ayako to watch them.

Gai says his head feels like it’s on fire as the air in front of him trembles and then breaks. Ayako tells him to try picturing the can being something he wants to hit, like vision training, or that he’s already succeeded in knocking it over and push the energy into that. Gai does so and a hand shapes and knocks the can down, leaving him to pant and then cheer. Ayako lets him free and tells him to go and get some rest because it strains the mind here and then Gai leaves, telling Shinji he should get better.

Shinji is pissed that the idiot got it before him and says Ayako must’ve done something to make it easier on him. Ayako says he’s not doing well because he keeps talking too much and complains every time he fails, and if he would put that focus on his training he’d get it. When Shinji starts yelling because he thinks she’s looking down on him, Ayako tapes his mouth shut. She says it’s to help him focus as she stands there, twirling the roll on her finger while smiling. Now if he wants to get it off, he’ll have to use his telekinesis.

He tries, thinking about how he shouldn’t have gone out of his way to save her, but fails again after about ten minutes. Ayako, who is now sitting on the table and drinking, hears his grumbling through the tap but states she can’t understand if he’s hungry or wants to use the bathroom, and that he’ll need to speak up in an attempt to motivate him.
Shinji yells at her inside of his head while concentrating and wanting it to get through her head that he can’t do it. He feels the thoughts being carried like a cloud slipping out of his head and into hers.  Ayako, who was rocking in her chair, ends up tipping over and holding her head. The tea cup breaks and Otoko comes in to see what’s happened.

Ayako says he was yelling in her head, but Otoko says that impressive given that most the their telepathy is weak at even that distance, explaining it gets static-like interference at longer than a few feet. Shinji is breathing heavily through his nose and thinks it feels like his head is murky, like water slowly filling back in a hole and Otoko tells him to go home and get some rest. He leaves out with Ayako walking him out on the way back, but he tells her off.

She explains that she pushed him because he tries harder when someone does that, and she doesn’t want him to die like she’s seen so many others. She even mentions that she went around trying to save the other people who were in the game before they arrived and exhausted herself before she found them. So she thanks him again because she probably wouldn’t have made it without him, and would have left her family even more worried. Shinji goes silently for a bit and then tells her he’ll go home by himself.
 
Chapter 3


That night, Shinji is in the Matou Library looking through the magecraft tomes his grandfather had. He  is trying to relate the two different powers because unlike the events of the HGW, he can’t rely on anyone to save him this time. He states he had gone over them all before he was a child, stealing the key from his father (who drowned himself in alcohol after the previous HGW) and reading it in hopes of being a magus, only to learn he didn’t have circuits and Sakura was the new heir. That’s when he started to hate and abuse her, but she never said anything against or fought back, only pitied him—despite going through hell herself—and it made him feel worse than he needed to be pitied by someone like that.

The first one he relates is Rise. He states the principles are similar to the notion of self-reinforcement principles in that they push the body to its limitations, and it would probably be closer to what Emiya does. He then thinks this is the sort of thing that heroic-idiot would be better suited at and wishes that he was there instead—risking his life.

He then goes over Burst, citing that something like Telekinesis would be to soak an object with prana and then maneuver it, except that the way they’re doing it is basically different considering the hand that Gai made and it looked like it was using the air itself as a medium. Not to mention something like Ayako’s burst doesn’t make sense by those standards.

Then he thinks about Issei’s Healing abilities that they state are a hybrid of Healing-Rise and Burst, it doesn’t make sense due to healing magecraft of that nature being listed as Flow and Transferring of Power, while the closest he can label Teleportation Marker is Displacement Magecraft (Flash Air), and that doesn’t begin to cover how their souls are pulled into the future.

He realizes that Psychicer is probably the most accurate tome in the end, because a psychic according to the books references people born with a mutation that allows the brain to comprehend a channel or common sense not normal. Since the soul is anchored by the brain, it’s very likely that having their souls exposed the atmosphere and then put back into their bodies caused that mutation in them.

Shinji then states that even if he can’t accurately classify it, he can use the principles and theories behind them to improve his abilities. Trance would be closer to Mental Interference, so if he worked using principles from it then he could probably improve quickly.

The hours pass and he grows tired before he shuts the book and goes to his room and showers. When he comes out, he sees that Sakura has left him more sleeping pills and some medicine in case he was sick on the dresser. He notes the bottle of water is still cold.

He thinks for a moment that, despite everything he’s done, she’s still going out of her way to look after him since he was in the hospital. His thoughts go to it being pity, but he then recalls that she smiles more now that Zouken is gone and relates it to unwarranted gratitude since he killed Zouken strictly for all the shit he had given him and calling him useless. He pops the pills and goes to bed.


 
Chapter 4


Shinji is watching as they train in the temple with Issei’s brother, Reikan, a few days later. Otoko is at work and Ayako is at Archery Club since its after school. He has cleared the use of it so that they can spar in privacy and doesn’t go easy because Issei will heal them. Shinji still has bruises since Issei is taking his sweet time because he laughed when he learned that Issei had to talent in anything other than healing and teleporting, despite all the meditating he does and karate he practices. He makes a note to never mock the healer to his face again.

When he see’s Gai is lasting longer and Reikan notes he’s pretty good at Strength-Rise, Shinji also notes that he’s improved his Burst to the point he can make the hand faster now and have it linger for a few seconds longer without any problems. He has a moment of petty jealousy because his attempt wasn’t getting better (he could just barely reach the can with telekinesis), so he decides to shift his attention creating a connection—a line made of prana that can be used as a conduit to transfer his thoughts. It fails apart too quickly and he shifts his attention back to Gai after hearing him grunting after getting knocked across the room.

Reikan then gives him the slow clap for his effort and turns to Shinji to tell him he should train his body too and to get onto the training mat. Shinji states he still has bruises, but Issei heals them in seconds and says he has no right to complain. Shinji says he’s enjoying this, but gets up to go.

Reikan then tells him this time, to make it interesting; he’ll use his Telepathy to tell him where he’s going to move. He does, but Shinji can’t hit him as he dodges and then hits back.  Reikan tells him to sharpen his senses because his judgment is too slow in battle and he isn’t reading him, noting that he isn’t even increasing his strength to hit Shinji. If he can see it coming then he can respond faster.

Shinji tries to focus on his eyes and ears, strengthening his perception and sharpening his hearing. It allows him to avoid when Reikan tries to grab him, but then Reikan pulls off a sudden Rise and disappears from his view, and the only thing alerting Shinji is that he hears the soft tapping on the wood behind him before he turns and Reikan stops his fist an inch from his face. Shinji falls back in surprise and lands on his ass.

Reikan gives him a slow clap, saying that he’s at the starting line and it’s probably a good balance that they have. Gai is all muscle and speed, but can’t sharpen his responses, while Ayako is balanced but her focus is on Burst, and if he can master his Trance, they’ll be able to help each other survive.


 
Chapter 5


A few days later, the call for Psyren comes in. It’s been a little over a week instead of two like they said. While Shinji has been training on trying to strengthen his Telepathy and a connection to strengthen the quality of the voice (early Mind Jack), his Burst is horrible and Trance won’t do him much good. Ayako grabs Shinji and brings him along to Issei so they can use the Student Council Room to watch their bodies, having cleared it. He also hands them power-bars and bottles of water, explaining that he has no idea how long they are going to be there and reminds him that the cards register every non-living object on them so they have it in the future.  They sit down and all call the number at the same time, leaving them to jump into the future.

In this time, they find that several people are there instead including Kane, Yukika, & Kaede. Gai flips out because of how dangerous the place was the last time, but Ayako tells him that it won’t do any good. Shinji ignores when Ayako tries to explain to everyone the circumstances of Psyren, not having faith they’d believe her because it sounds ridiculous. Instead, he looks out and sees what looks to be a familiar landscape and then calls Gai over to point it out. They realize that they’re in the same place there were before, only since there the ruined cityscape has been turned into a silvery desert.

One of the other guys tell Ayako to stop kidding around about their circumstances, but Shinji says if they doubt what they say then they can go for a walk if sitting around won’t get them anywhere. They do, and Ayako says he sent them to their deaths, including the track girl trio, causing Gai to punch him for it and then run off to keep Kane safe.

Shinji points out that the vision from before hadn’t come in and they don’t have any proof they can offer when they need to conserve their strength, so when either Alfred or the monster they faced before shows up it’ll give Ayako a chance to prove it right by sniping it. She points out that some of them will still die, but he states they were warned and they made their choices. He was going to survive to clear the game, and if that meant sacrificing those who won’t listen then that’s all there is to it.

Naturally, the Sandworm comes out and kills a few of them. Ayako, not able to just sit there and watch, so she leaps out to go help, crossing the distance faster than they could blink and leaping into the air as if flying. Shinji realizes just how tired she had been the last to have failed before doing that.

She fires at it a spread shot and the explosions knocks it aside and forces it underground while the others keep fleeing and get scooped up one-by-one while Ayako tries to get a shot but can’t. Shinji realizes from atop his point that it’s only going after those who walk across the sand and tries to yell, but it won’t work. So he tries to Broadcast, picturing all of their heads and forcing his thoughts out to them and they scramble for purchase, but the response he gets back from Ayako is frail because of the distance until she gets close enough again and states its probably only because both the atmosphere and his talent in trance it made it that far.

That’s when they receive the vision from Nemesis Q telling them to kill the Sand Worm to clear the round.


 
Chapter 6
Ayako takes the high-ground to get ready to snipe it when Shinji connects with her with Telepathy. Looking at Gai with Kane on one building outcropping and the other track girls on another, he notes no one here has as strong a weapon to do it but her.  She states she’d need to find it first and the core somewhere inside of it. Since her ordinary shots couldn’t do the trick she’d need to use her Azusa-Yumi: Eclipse, but it uses up so much Burst Energy she’d only get one shot and all her concentration, so she can’t sharpen her senses.

The head of the track girls, on a building with the other, call out to Ayako and demands an explanation. Ayako holds a hand to her mouth to tell her to be silent. She keeps yelling, so Shinji sends a telepathic signal for her to shut up so Ayako can concentrate. She wheels on him and yells that he set them up to die while the other girl begs her to settle down, riling the other survivors into yelling at him as well, but Shinji Broadcasts that they were warned and that they made their choice and walked out on their own two feet, which they would have done anyway, but at least now they know the clear condition so they should shut up and let her concentrate.

That’s when he sees something flying close as they yell, a bunch of dog-sized wasps without eyes start coming in and Shinji points them out Ayako gets ready to shoot them down when they fire their stingers like harpoon and they spear through several of the survivors—including the two track girls who were yelling. Ayako fires another spread to intercept some of them but the others dodge. And when one group climbs down to run for the building again, the Sandworm snaps them up and Ayako takes another shot at it and the explosion makes the wasps towards the spot.

Then Kane screams and points in horror as the other two track girls turn to crystal and shatter from the spears and Shinji sees that they suddenly aim for her. He quickly realizes that they must be using the vibrations in the air to determine where they strike and sends out another Broadcast, feeling his head starting to space out that tells them all they’re tracking them by the noise they make—all the screaming attracted them.

They aim for her, but Gai covers her mouth and Ayako yells to draw their attention. When they close in on her and shoot, she fires another spread and starts panting. That’s when Shinji spots one that’s slipping through the smoke to fire from behind and he ends up yelling by reflex as it fires. She turns and fire, and while the shot hits it the lance continues towards her and time freezes for Shinji as he realizes she’s going to die before she brings the gauntlet of the wrist-mounted crossbow to deflect it and it lands onto a piece of stone that crystallizes.

He sighs in relief when he realizes that she must have used Rise on her senses and figures that they can’t affect a Burst when he feels a strain on his brain from all the yelling and his Sense-Rise. The surviving wasps have lowered themselves to the Sand and started feasting on it and Gai decides to head back to the building Shinji is in for shelter, stating he’s faster than the worm and they need to be sheltered. He does so and the worm chases behind them, knocking into a outcropping that shatters and hits them with a spray of debris  that he can take (he’s strengthened) but it knocked him down as he tries to cover her.

Ayako blasts the Sandworm again and grabs them both, hopping back up to the building. One piece of rubble hit Kane, leaving her bleeding from a head-wound, and Shinji sighs as he took in the look of everyone. They were the last survivors.
 


 
Chapter 7
 
Ayako looks over her wound and says they need to get her to Issei, meaning they need to kill the worm. Shinji asks if she can kill it in her current condition, noting she’s exhausted her strength trying to help the others. She says she has enough for one big blast but she’ll be spent afterwards, so they only get one shot.

Worse, Shinji notices and then states they’re eating the sand and its forming a crystal at the tip of their hinds, meaning they’re reloading. It would be suicide to have to deal with all of them and then the worm. So they would have to do it all at once.

Shinji tells Gai he will act as bait, running along the sand and yelling at the top of his voice to catch their attention since he can use Rise. Ayako will remain perched in a position where she can charge her Burst, and when they reach a clear point she can fire and kill them all at once. That way they’ll clear the game and can get Kane help.

Ayako reminds him that she can’t use Sense and the Eclipse, and a badly-timed shot will catch him in the radius. Shinji states he’ll tell her when to fire, but she can’t hesitate. Ayako flat-out states she won’t because she can’t trust him after how many people he threw away.

Shinji doesn’t blame her for thinking that on a inner note, stating that he had done it twice now. Gai says he doesn’t care as long as they can get Kane to safety since she lost so much already, but Ayako doesn’t want to kill anyone else and thinks they need to come up with another plan.

Shinji doesn’t think they have that long. They can’t track the worm when underground and if it leaves the area they can’t clear the condition fast enough to save Kane, but he needs some way to prove it. He then remembers the connection can transmit memories according to the books, wondering if that included as they were being made in short-term, and tries to forge it. It works because of the environment and he links it to her, transmitting his vision as the memories are currently happening.

He then states he’d been practicing because he doesn’t want to die here, so he’ll make the hard calls if she can’t. He then jacks into Gai’s mind as well and tells him to go at half his top running speed and yell to lure them in, stay ahead of the worm and herd them together. When Ayako fires the shot, he’ll send the message for him to jump away at top speed and he should escape the blast. Gai tells her to do it, stating he won’t forgive himself for letting Kane get hurt after she lost her friends too.

Gai runs and yells at the top of his lungs as Ayako sits on the rooftop and forms her weapon, while Shinji acts as both a lookout and sounding board, his enhanced visions and perception along with the connection allowing Gai to see how the Wasps are moving.

The bow and energy churns with power as the arrow whirls while nocked, Ayako’s burst energy pouring into and compressing. She says it ready, and Shinji tells her to take the shot while sending the message to Gai to take off.
 
She releases the arrow, putting her hopes into his ability to dodge. It streaks through the silvery sand and all that power is released the moment it touches the surface. It expands, shifting the wind from the sheer force as it evolves into something vast—an eclipsing white sphere of pure destruction that swallows everything it touches in a radius that could encompass a stadium.

Ayako collapses where she stood. She falls onto her knees and grasps for breath. It seems it really did take everything she had, and that wasn’t much from the way she spoke after all those previous shots. He could only imagine how big it would be at full power, and the thought makes Shinji glad she is on their side.

Ayako calls out and asks if Gai made it as the eclipse shrinks. He doesn’t see him, but sees that the core of the Taboo was exposed and cracked, but not broken. If it goes underground they would lose and be stuck there, but Ayako can’t take another shot.

Cue Gai roaring as he leaps out of the sand in fury, slamming his fist into the core bare. It breaks against surface, only cracking it, and the worm prepares to dive underground. But Gai yells again and his burst shapes around his fist as he brings the good hand down and smashes it thoroughtly, causing its form to smoke and fall lifelessly, leaving him standing over it as blood from his broken hand soaks the sand and his other is the fist of a gorilla in a bluish-outline.

The world shifts and they go back into the past, where Issei says he’ll start healing them, but Gai tells her about Kane and Ayako mentions the other two track girls are dead.
 
Interlude 2-1
After Shinji and the others have healed and gone home, the veterans meet to discuss what they’ve learned. Issei mentions that he healed Kane’s wounds and explained things, but she's in shock and the bodies of her friends have been taken by the city’s morgue as another case of the Sudden Death Syndrome, one of many today. Otoko notes Ayako secluded herself and cried over her failure, while Gai looked like he was ready to punch something, and they note its odd that Shinji was the only one who wasn’t moved by the death.

Issei claims he's always been cold and abrasive, but his judgment was sound and logical for the circumstances. They would have done it with more caution, but it wasn't wrong. They also note that 'Kill' missions were somewhat rare and usually when they went through them they were stronger. Comparing it to the change in the mission Ayako had, from scouting to a rescue, they couldn't help but wonder if something was moving faster with Nemesis Q and the best they could do was be ready.
 
Interlude 2-2
In the future, Sion has been tracking the worm’s movements as she looks over the destruction. Her fingers run through the sand and note it’s the same base material that is used in construction, reasoning that the worms and wasps are both Scrapper-class Taboo and that if they were transmuting the concrete here into raw materials then they must be planning on building something nearby or in the process.

Even now, ten years after she has lost everything and Atlas has failed, she continues to move on and keep herself busy, searching for a way to fulfill her duty as the last member of Atlas and try and unravel the mystery of Akshayavat.
 

Azure

Well-Known Member
#34
Sorry for not replying fast enough, was busy and couldn't just sit down to read the outline until now.

Evil!Shirou
I like the concept, specially since it would make for a good boss fight during that specific jump. Plus I feel that would help sell the impact of the organization to the readers.

Mystic Codes.

I like the idea, one thing I would play with is that with each jump, these tools become better and better since Rin and Sion would have more time to work on them and work on their kinks. I guess they probably should start bad, and be not very precise, while in the last jumps the Codes would be pretty amazing and be the tools that allow them to fight on par with the Akshayavat. Human nature is to advance things by understanding them better, so I guess this is one way to show one of the advantages modern humans have.

For Shinji, rather than unlocking his limiter (which might be too dangerous for Psyren, since he will be immobile when the effect runs out), maybe Shinji can bet a version of Ehterlite that will help him with his Trace. Like a physical line that will make Shinji sending stuff to people over distance easier, and that is how he uses his first Nightmare Jack (through the physical connection of a line) before he starts making his arrows.

Arc 2 Outline.

Overall I like it. I feel that the training arc probably lasts a bit too long, but I guess this is a necessary evil, specially to get the readers who haven't read Psyren up to speed on how PSI powers actually work. One thing that really jumped to me reading it this time is how many people died this time, even named (side)characters. I feel this is necessary to show how horrible Psyren can be, and why Ayako was having such a hard time dealing with this mess. Shinji being fine with sacrificing people/seeing them die is something I actually like, not only does it show that Shinji still has a lot of room to grow to become really kind/good, but also shows how different someone from his background is from normal people (for good and bad).

Beating the worm with teamwork is cool, and I like the twist we get in Sion's interlude that the thing was actually a giant constructor that probably was building one of those towers and that is why Nemesis Q wanted it destroyed. All things considered, the Arc feels very complete, and my guess that the next slow part of the arc will have Shinji just dealing with the fall out of this mission.
 

Leidolf

Well-Known Member
#35
Azure said:
Sorry for not replying fast enough, was busy and couldn't just sit down to read the outline until now.

Evil!Shirou
I like the concept, specially since it would make for a good boss fight during that specific jump. Plus I feel that would help sell the impact of the organization to the readers.

Mystic Codes.

I like the idea, one thing I would play with is that with each jump, these tools become better and better since Rin and Sion would have more time to work on them and work on their kinks. I guess they probably should start bad, and be not very precise, while in the last jumps the Codes would be pretty amazing and be the tools that allow them to fight on par with the Akshayavat. Human nature is to advance things by understanding them better, so I guess this is one way to show one of the advantages modern humans have.

For Shinji, rather than unlocking his limiter (which might be too dangerous for Psyren, since he will be immobile when the effect runs out), maybe Shinji can bet a version of Ehterlite that will help him with his Trace. Like a physical line that will make Shinji sending stuff to people over distance easier, and that is how he uses his first Nightmare Jack (through the physical connection of a line) before he starts making his arrows.

Arc 2 Outline.

Overall I like it. I feel that the training arc probably lasts a bit too long, but I guess this is a necessary evil, specially to get the readers who haven't read Psyren up to speed on how PSI powers actually work. One thing that really jumped to me reading it this time is how many people died this time, even named (side)characters. I feel this is necessary to show how horrible Psyren can be, and why Ayako was having such a hard time dealing with this mess. Shinji being fine with sacrificing people/seeing them die is something I actually like, not only does it show that Shinji still has a lot of room to grow to become really kind/good, but also shows how different someone from his background is from normal people (for good and bad).

Beating the worm with teamwork is cool, and I like the twist we get in Sion's interlude that the thing was actually a giant constructor that probably was building one of those towers and that is why Nemesis Q wanted it destroyed. All things considered, the Arc feels very complete, and my guess that the next slow part of the arc will have Shinji just dealing with the fall out of this mission.
On Evil!Shirou:

Fragmented – Emiya: A future version of Shirou Emiya that has been implanted with a fragment of Ouroboros and been turned into an advanced Soldier Taboo. He is the main antagonist of the 4[sup]th[/sup] arc and killed to complete the mission. His mind is severely damaged to the extent that the few fragments of the memories he has are when he killed Leo, when the fragment was implanted, and then killing Rin. A Burst/Rise-user, he possesses the ability to form seed crystals from his Burst that gather the particles floating around them into silvery-crystal swords that he can telekinetically manipulate. He is Tatsuo’s counterpart and his power similar to Rokka no Yuusha’s Nashetania.

On Mystic Codes:
Still need to decide on the mystic codes of the others, but ideally they'll get upgrades in the future, but have a base primary one they receive in the past. Shinji's himself will be delivered to his home by Present!Sion and given to Sakura, with a card on it that says "To Your Future Endeavors". I kinda want him to be able to remove his Limiter in an emergency. He knows that if he uses it then he's screwed if he can't get away, but at the same time it will allow him to surprise an enemy that sees him as just having faster reflexes and perception because of his Sense-Rise, allowing him to get the drop on them. Plus, combining his Etherlite with Fear Itself, he can make constructs like Sion in order to manifest it physically.

The wikia says Ayako is good at the Naginata, so maybe she can get a collapsible one like Tao Ren from Shaman King?

On Fallout:
The fallout from the deaths start the next chapter.

It starts at the ceremony at the school for the other two track-girls, as several of their friends and the others wonder what happen since they just collapsed and died. Shinji takes a seat near the back, but he can see that Ayano has her head held low, eyes covered by her hair as tears slowly trailed down her cheeks. Kane is crying near the front while Gai sets a hand on her shoulder but doesn't say anything.


Shinji goes through the memorial without feeling much, or at least that he can't because he didn't know them as well. He thinks too himself that maybe they didn't have to die, but it was ultimately their decision in the end to walk out that door and then yelling, attracting the wasps. Bored, he starts to experiment with his Mind Jack to read the thoughts of the others and find that the thoughts are shallow in the end, the only ones who truly cared for them were those who knew them beyond their reputation.

Shinji briefly muses that if it was him up there who had died, how few people would have cared about him. He feels that Sakura would, and maybe Emiya, but not much else. If that was the case, why should he need to feel bad about any of this?

At the end of the ceremony, they stand before the photos and flowers of the girls and Kane states she wants to tell their parents what happened. Shinji, loitering in the back, tells her its pointless. Not only will it sound like they're delusional, but letting them know they died far away from their home at the hands of monsters rather than an abrupt and peaceful death would just be spitting in their wounds.

Gai states he didn't feel anything, but Shinji points out again that he gave them the option to go or not and they chose that because the others did. He told them to be quiet so that Ayako could concentrate, and maybe if they had then she could have killed it without drawing the Wasps. But they yelled and screamed like morons, and as a result the only person who lived were them and Kane. They should be grateful that they came out of it with one person more than they went in.

Before he can say anymore, Ayako slaps him across the face with an angry look. She wants to know how he can just say something so cold and care so little for human life. Shinji snaps and rises onto his feet, yelling that the only reason he's involved is because he tried to figure out why she was spacing out and help her. The one time he does something for someone else, it bit him in the ass.

Ayako looks shocked at that. The tears return, despite looking like she tries to hold them off. Her body tenses, but she just clenches her fists and doesn't say a word.

Issei comes in then and tells them that's enough since they are disrespecting the dead by fighting in front of them. He then states that regardless of what brought them into it, they must work together to keep surviving. He then tells Kane that she needs to start her PSI training because there is no escape and if she wants to honor their memory then she needs to keep living.

She gets ready to start crying again and then leans against Gai, saying she doesn't feel well. Gai says he'll take her to the infirmary so she can lie down. Ayako then goes out without a word, merely glancing back at Shinji with a look of disdain before leaving. Issei turns to Shinji and gives him a rather unexpressive look and Shinji demands to know if he has something to say about how he handled the situation.
 
He states that he doesn't think that he is wrong when it came to prioritizing survival, but if he cannot learn to open up to more than himself and learn to empathize, he'll end up in a position where it will come back to haunt him. He then states that he would be best practicing on his own for some time since they need to get Kane up to snuff, and they can't teach him more than they have since they don't have a Trance expert. Reikan is the most advanced person they had, and his technique already surpassed that.
Shinji feels like he's saying that he doesn't want him around because he'd get in the way and says that fine before leaving out.
 

Azure

Well-Known Member
#36
Leidolf said:
On Evil!Shirou:

Fragmented – Emiya: A future version of Shirou Emiya that has been implanted with a fragment of Ouroboros and been turned into an advanced Soldier Taboo. He is the main antagonist of the 4[sup]th[/sup] arc and killed to complete the mission. His mind is severely damaged to the extent that the few fragments of the memories he has are when he killed Leo, when the fragment was implanted, and then killing Rin. A Burst/Rise-user, he possesses the ability to form seed crystals from his Burst that gather the particles floating around them into silvery-crystal swords that he can telekinetically manipulate. He is Tatsuo’s counterpart and his power similar to Rokka no Yuusha’s Nashetania.
Well, I like this, one thing I would do is have the swords Fragment!Emiya (needs a more catchy name) makes be based on stuff he saw/has in UBW but the blue prints are off since Shirou is damaged by the core (so evil!Shirou only imitates the shape with his PSI). I guess, Shinji might recognize some of the imitated weapons from the time he hanged with Gil, but the idea would be to just hint that some of Shirou (and his powers) remain inside the Taboo.

Leidolf said:
On Mystic Codes:
Still need to decide on the mystic codes of the others, but ideally they'll get upgrades in the future, but have a base primary one they receive in the past. Shinji's himself will be delivered to his home by Present!Sion and given to Sakura, with a card on it that says "To Your Future Endeavors". I kinda want him to be able to remove his Limiter in an emergency. He knows that if he uses it then he's screwed if he can't get away, but at the same time it will allow him to surprise an enemy that sees him as just having faster reflexes and perception because of his Sense-Rise, allowing him to get the drop on them. Plus, combining his Etherlite with Fear Itself, he can make constructs like Sion in order to manifest it physically.

The wikia says Ayako is good at the Naginata, so maybe she can get a collapsible one like Tao Ren from Shaman King?
Well if you really feel like it, then give Shinji the Etherlite, still seeing as one of your end goals is allowing Shinji to replicate fears/nightmares with his cable, doesn't that mean he is basically becoming a mini-TATARI? Wow Sion is a bad influence on our hero :D ! I quess using the cable to physically trap enemies fits Shinji and helps him set up for his more powerful friends.

About Ayako, I feel that her tool should focus on helping her use her full mode bow better ot at least with more ease/less cost. Probably some sort of expandable bow that allows her to focus her burst better for the arrows. If not, I like the naginata idea, specially if you make the mystic code be like Tao Ren's short sword and the full spear be made out of Ayako's burst.

For Gai it's hard to come up with something, but since he is a full physical fighter, his tool has to be something that makes up for the things he lacks (like say a ranged option) or maybe some more armor to help protect him if his PSI armor fails. I think the ranged option is better, specially if it's something like a bazooka that shoots concentrated burst PSI at people. I guess I am thinking of of a Donkey Kong imagery since I liked those games.

Leidolf said:
On Fallout:
The fallout from the deaths start the next chapter.

It starts at the ceremony at the school for the other two track-girls, as several of their friends and the others wonder what happen since they just collapsed and died. Shinji takes a seat near the back, but he can see that Ayano has her head held low, eyes covered by her hair as tears slowly trailed down her cheeks. Kane is crying near the front while Gai sets a hand on her shoulder but doesn't say anything.


Shinji goes through the memorial without feeling much, or at least that he can't because he didn't know them as well. He thinks too himself that maybe they didn't have to die, but it was ultimately their decision in the end to walk out that door and then yelling, attracting the wasps. Bored, he starts to experiment with his Mind Jack to read the thoughts of the others and find that the thoughts are shallow in the end, the only ones who truly cared for them were those who knew them beyond their reputation.

Shinji briefly muses that if it was him up there who had died, how few people would have cared about him. He feels that Sakura would, and maybe Emiya, but not much else. If that was the case, why should he need to feel bad about any of this?

At the end of the ceremony, they stand before the photos and flowers of the girls and Kane states she wants to tell their parents what happened. Shinji, loitering in the back, tells her its pointless. Not only will it sound like they're delusional, but letting them know they died far away from their home at the hands of monsters rather than an abrupt and peaceful death would just be spitting in their wounds.

Gai states he didn't feel anything, but Shinji points out again that he gave them the option to go or not and they chose that because the others did. He told them to be quiet so that Ayako could concentrate, and maybe if they had then she could have killed it without drawing the Wasps. But they yelled and screamed like morons, and as a result the only person who lived were them and Kane. They should be grateful that they came out of it with one person more than they went in.

Before he can say anymore, Ayako slaps him across the face with an angry look. She wants to know how he can just say something so cold and care so little for human life. Shinji snaps and rises onto his feet, yelling that the only reason he's involved is because he tried to figure out why she was spacing out and help her. The one time he does something for someone else, it bit him in the ass.

Ayako looks shocked at that. The tears return, despite looking like she tries to hold them off. Her body tenses, but she just clenches her fists and doesn't say a word.

Issei comes in then and tells them that's enough since they are disrespecting the dead by fighting in front of them. He then states that regardless of what brought them into it, they must work together to keep surviving. He then tells Kane that she needs to start her PSI training because there is no escape and if she wants to honor their memory then she needs to keep living.

She gets ready to start crying again and then leans against Gai, saying she doesn't feel well. Gai says he'll take her to the infirmary so she can lie down. Ayako then goes out without a word, merely glancing back at Shinji with a look of disdain before leaving. Issei turns to Shinji and gives him a rather unexpressive look and Shinji demands to know if he has something to say about how he handled the situation.
 
He states that he doesn't think that he is wrong when it came to prioritizing survival, but if he cannot learn to open up to more than himself and learn to empathize, he'll end up in a position where it will come back to haunt him. He then states that he would be best practicing on his own for some time since they need to get Kane up to snuff, and they can't teach him more than they have since they don't have a Trance expert. Reikan is the most advanced person they had, and his technique already surpassed that.
Shinji feels like he's saying that he doesn't want him around because he'd get in the way and says that fine before leaving out.
Ah, nothing like having others die around you to make you reflect on life.... well that's a bit morbid but you get the gist of it right? I like how Shinji handles this a bit roughly, not only it shows how insensitive he still is, but it makes me want to cheer up for him to grow up a bit. I guess Issei being the sempai here for the group actually works pretty well. I am feeling that this is probably part of the catalyst that will have Shinji just growing up or at least opening more to the team, even though I don't think they will get along immediately after this. Poor Ayako, she really needs some space,and the way Shinji is acting probably is not helping her deal with this mess. At this rate, I bet she probably will snap soon.
 

Leidolf

Well-Known Member
#37
I'm trying to keep him from being able to access UBW because the fragment damaged his soul, so he can't invert it. The idea is that Darnic implanted the fragment, but he resisted so vehemently that it basically damaged his soul, so the fragment itself is trying to replicate a psychic power close to his Origin/what he's good at. It's partly because of that Lio's Burst will cover him in a shroud and let him move like a man-lion. Unlike Tatsuo, this Shirou cannot be saved and will be put down, but whereas Shinji couldn't care two-cents for people he doesn't know, Emiya had been his friend at one point and they were starting to make amends.

The Mystic Codes are basically Mid-game, so I'm not going to worry too hard about it right now, but I may take the easy way out and just give her something like a Quincy has. Gai... he'll depend on how the situation eventually develops.

In Shinji's defense, they did warn them, they made their choice, and it got the results they needed. He already got mind-screwed by Avenger just for the hell of it, so Shinji comparatively has no problem throwing people under the bus for the sake of his goal. It does to highlight how different his mindset is even from Rin, but his outburst is the result of her riding him for it when he only was in a position for what he sees as another glorified death game was because he was trying to do something nice. If you're going to get punished for doing something good, why bother in the first place?

He will start to think on it, but ultimately this will serve to cause problems later on when they need to deal with Lio. His Burst is strong enough to weather both Ayako's normal shots and Gai's fist, but Trance is a natural counter for Burst as it doesn't have a physical presence. The only problem is that Lio is also a Rise-user, and thus fast enough to dodge being Mind Jacked if he sees it coming. Because they won't work together after the school incident, Gai gets knocked around, Ayako gets a severe injury, and Shinji and Kane are saved for last because Lio quickly realizes they can't do anything and focuses on the stronger fighters. The only reason they survive is because Sion manages get Ries (Materialized through the Etherlite) to hold the line while she gets them out of it and to somewhere safe and then tells them to cut the bullshit and work together or they won't be able to complete the mission. (The mission is to secure her safety, but that won't happen unless they kill Lio).
 

Azure

Well-Known Member
#38
Leidolf said:
I'm trying to keep him from being able to access UBW because the fragment damaged his soul, so he can't invert it. The idea is that Darnic implanted the fragment, but he resisted so vehemently that it basically damaged his soul, so the fragment itself is trying to replicate a psychic power close to his Origin/what he's good at. It's partly because of that Lio's Burst will cover him in a shroud and let him move like a man-lion. Unlike Tatsuo, this Shirou cannot be saved and will be put down, but whereas Shinji couldn't care two-cents for people he doesn't know, Emiya had been his friend at one point and they were starting to make amends.
The soul damage was why I was talking about the limited functionality of UBW, but I guess it's just better to say that this Shirou can't use the thing to save yourself from headaches. I guess a cool scene would be to have Shinji try to jack into Shiriou to save him, only to find Shirou's broken mindscape and that's where you drop the bit about the fragment damaging Shirou's soul.

Right, I completely overlooked how having to kill Shirou might affect Shinji's character, specially since Shinji really does like Shirou even if he won't really admit it. I think this is a smart choice on your part, since it probably would help Shinji to start shifting his priorities from just surviving Psyren to preventing Shirou from dying and eventually into saving the world. It's a little step into being more emphatic to others?

Leidolf said:
The Mystic Codes are basically Mid-game, so I'm not going to worry too hard about it right now, but I may take the easy way out and just give her something like a Quincy has. Gai... he'll depend on how the situation eventually develops.
That's probably the best way to handle it, just make stuff when it becomes important. It's not like that mid-game upgrade is that important right now, so it's fine to leave it for later when you start planning for later arcs. Quincy Ayako sounds cool, since I always loved their style from Bleach (before they became the big bads now), and hey energy bows are cool.


Leidolf said:
In Shinji's defense, they did warn them, they made their choice, and it got the results they needed. He already got mind-screwed by Avenger just for the hell of it, so Shinji comparatively has no problem throwing people under the bus for the sake of his goal. It does to highlight how different his mindset is even from Rin, but his outburst is the result of her riding him for it when he only was in a position for what he sees as another glorified death game was because he was trying to do something nice. If you're going to get punished for doing something good, why bother in the first place?
Yeah, I get it. I have always been of the opinion that being nice is something that is hard to do, so seeing Shinji have trouble when it blows in his face is something I can understand. It really makes his development, and that moment when he eventually will become more nice and a better person more rewarding.

Leidolf said:
He will start to think on it, but ultimately this will serve to cause problems later on when they need to deal with Lio. His Burst is strong enough to weather both Ayako's normal shots and Gai's fist, but Trance is a natural counter for Burst as it doesn't have a physical presence. The only problem is that Lio is also a Rise-user, and thus fast enough to dodge being Mind Jacked if he sees it coming. Because they won't work together after the school incident, Gai gets knocked around, Ayako gets a severe injury, and Shinji and Kane are saved for last because Lio quickly realizes they can't do anything and focuses on the stronger fighters. The only reason they survive is because Sion manages get Ries (Materialized through the Etherlite) to hold the line while she gets them out of it and to somewhere safe and then tells them to cut the bullshit and work together or they won't be able to complete the mission. (The mission is to secure her safety, but that won't happen unless they kill Lio).
A forced to work together arc is a standard of almost every team-based Shounen, and I do think it's a good idea to have it here. Still couldn't Sion use her gun to beat Lio? Or is Lio too fast for Sion to handle? Well there is nothing like risking your life with people to become friends is there? This is the fight where Shinji will use his Nightmare Jack for the first time to immobilize Lio, right?

The fact that the mission is to secure Sion is a bit interesting, I guess it happened because she entered the area where the previous mission happened and thus drew Nemesis Q's attention right? That would neatly explain why Q didn't send a team to save/secure her before.
 

Leidolf

Well-Known Member
#39
Lio is too fast and too strong from Rise, to be blunt. His Burst only serves as extra power and armor like Gai's will. And if I have the lore right, the gun instills a sense of mortality in the target that don't have one. While it's instant kill for the Taboo, since they literally cannot survive without their core, Lio can still function as a human without it, even if it hits his core. Nightmare Jack, flooding him with memories from All The World's Evils, is a mental assault that will both immobilize and strip him of any PSI that requires his mental effort to keep up.

She was tracking the Sand Worm and went to investigate why it disappeared and what it was creating raw building materials for, leading her to a nearby tower. Leo is tasked with eliminating her, but the Counter Force basically has Nemesis Q call up the local drifters to save her. It could be argued that her coming to Japan in the first place may have been the work of the Counter Force, a domino chain effect to save the future. They can't bring Sion to the past, but she can give Shinji (who has a decent understanding of magecraft theory, if not capable of practicing it, and idea of the moonlit world to help) enough clues before the Akira "suddenly" gets a vision telling her to go find him. He mind jacks her and the threads get linked to Akiha and Shiki, who should be able to contact Sion. Sion then goes to look into why someone in Fuyuki is looking for her and probes his mind, thus gaining enough insight to begin changing the future.

Or something to that effect.
 

Azure

Well-Known Member
#40
Leidolf said:
Lio is too fast and too strong from Rise, to be blunt. His Burst only serves as extra power and armor like Gai's will. And if I have the lore right, the gun instills a sense of mortality in the target that don't have one. While it's instant kill for the Taboo, since they literally cannot survive without their core, Lio can still function as a human without it, even if it hits his core. Nightmare Jack, flooding him with memories from All The World's Evils, is a mental assault that will both immobilize and strip him of any PSI that requires his mental effort to keep up.
Oh, I forgot that technically a strong enough Jack could do that, it actually makes Shinji really good when fighting normal humans but not that useful against Taboos. I bet he will find that a bit ironic in the long run.


Leidolf said:
She was tracking the Sand Worm and went to investigate why it disappeared and what it was creating raw building materials for, leading her to a nearby tower. Leo is tasked with eliminating her, but the Counter Force basically has Nemesis Q call up the local drifters to save her. It could be argued that her coming to Japan in the first place may have been the work of the Counter Force, a domino chain effect to save the future. They can't bring Sion to the past, but she can give Shinji (who has a decent understanding of magecraft theory, if not capable of practicing it, and idea of the moonlit world to help) enough clues before the Akira "suddenly" gets a vision telling her to go find him. He mind jacks her and the threads get linked to Akiha and Shiki, who should be able to contact Sion. Sion then goes to look into why someone in Fuyuki is looking for her and probes his mind, thus gaining enough insight to begin changing the future.

Or something to that effect.
That sounds like a good plan for how to get the team involved with Sion and start changing stuff. I guess that by now we have a rough outline for the 3rd Arc, right? Do you need to cover anything else? It's basically will be something like: funeral, training with programming, then mission and then Akira's interlude and probably a broken!Shirou interlude.
 

Leidolf

Well-Known Member
#41
I need to finish the whole outline for Arc 3 (I've written up the part that Leo goes into his Burst) and then that'll do it for the first 3. Technically, I've already started writing the first chapter and I'm about 1500 words into it. Plus, looking at chart that I'm putting together and wondering just  how correct it is.

Amamiya mentions that Trance is the way to counter Burst here: http://www.mangainn.me/manga/chapter/42261_psyren-chapter-19/page_2

Yet, what looks to be burst is countering Trance here: http://www.mangainn.me/manga/chapter/42280_psyren-chapter-38/page_17

I think she meant Rise, but Trance can pass through physical objects with relative ease. So I'm guess in Nasuverse terms that meant Trance is affected by the mana in the source acting as a conduit, but wouldn't that make Leo immune to trance unless his Burst is a solid object and instead of being shaped by mana. Or something of that Nature. Maybe if he made the Beast Armor out of solid air or something....

Side Note: All Psyren Drifters have a minor form of Clairvoyance that allows them to perceive psychic powers (similar to how Shiki can perceive Akiha's power but she herself can't).


Arc 3 Outline

Chapter 1

It starts at the ceremony at the school for the other two track-girls, as several of their friends and the others wonder what happen since they just collapsed and died. Shinji takes a seat near the back, but he can see that Ayano has her head held low, eyes covered by her hair as tears slowly trailed down her cheeks. Kane is crying near the front while Gai sets a hand on her shoulder but doesn't say anything.

Shinji goes through the memorial without feeling much, or at least that he can't because he didn't know them as well. He thinks too himself that maybe they didn't have to die, but it was ultimately their decision in the end to walk out that door and then yelling, attracting the wasps. Bored, he starts to experiment with his Mind Jack to read the thoughts of the others and find that the thoughts are shallow in the end.

Some of the thoughts Shinji picks up at random are like how the youngest of the girls was cute, another was that there was openings on the track team, another was that the death came out of nowhere and what if it was like some kind of disease, and a final one was that at least one girl's boyfriend wouldn't be staring at them. He cuts the connection there. The only ones who truly cared for them were those who knew them beyond their reputation.

Shinji briefly muses that if it was him up there who had died, how few people would have cared about him. He feels that Sakura would, and maybe Emiya, but not much else. If that was the case, why should he need to feel bad about any of this?

At the end of the ceremony, they stand before the photos and flowers of the girls and Kane states she wants to tell their parents what happened since Makidera was an only child, while Yukika's brother will be crushed. Shinji, loitering in the back, tells her it’s pointless. Not only will it sound like they're delusional, but letting them know they died far away from their home at the hands of monsters rather than an abrupt and peaceful death would just be spitting in their wounds.

Gai states he didn't feel anything, but Shinji points out again that he gave them the option to go or not and they chose that because the others did. He told them to be quiet so that Ayako could concentrate, and maybe if they had then she could have killed it without drawing the Wasps. But they yelled and screamed like morons, and as a result the only person who lived were them and Kane. They should be grateful that they came out of it with one person more than they went in.

Before he can say anymore, Ayako slaps him across the face with an angry look. She wants to know how he can just say something so cold and care so little for human life. Shinji snaps and rises onto his feet, yelling that the only reason he's involved is because he tried to figure out why she was spacing out and help her. The one time he does something for someone else, it bit him in the ass.

Ayako looks shocked at that. The tears return, despite looking like she tries to hold them off. Her body tenses, but she just clenches her fists and doesn't say a word.

Issei comes in then and tells them that's enough since they are disrespecting the dead by fighting in front of them. He then states that regardless of what brought them into it, they must work together to keep surviving. He then tells Kane that she needs to start her PSI training because there is no escape and if she wants to honor their memory then she needs to keep living.

She gets ready to start crying again and then leans against Gai, saying she doesn't feel well. Gai says he'll take her to the infirmary so she can lie down. Ayako then goes out without a word, merely glancing back at Shinji with a look of disdain before leaving. Issei turns to Shinji and gives him a rather unexpressive look and Shinji demands to know if he has something to say about how he handled the situation.

He states that he doesn't think that he is wrong when it came to prioritizing survival, but if he cannot learn to open up to more than himself and learn to empathize, he'll end up in a position where it will come back to haunt him. He then states that he would be best practicing on his own for some time since they need to get Kane up to snuff, and they can't teach him more than they have since they don't have a Trance expert. Reikan is the most advanced person they had, and his technique already surpassed that.

Shinji feels like he's saying that he doesn't want him around because he'd get in the way and says that fine before leaving out.
?
Chapter 2
Two days later, Shinji is heading to the Archery Club with Sakura to find Rin wanting a moment of his time. She notes that Ayako has been rather off since the funeral and that when she brought up his name, she made a reaction that leaves Rin believing he may be involved.

Shinji tells her that it’s not something she needs to worry herself about, but Rin bluntly states that despite only hanging out with Makidera on the weekends, she still considered her a friend and isn’t happy that she died. So if she finds out that he had something to do with that or Ayako, she’ll take the life that she saved as a favor to Shirou. Then she walks off.

The rest of the day doesn’t go much better when Shirou talks to him about why Gai is looking at him like that and that if he’s having any trouble he can talk to him about it. This irritates Shinji because he literally cannot talk to him about it when he is possibly the best candidate to be doing this.

Shinji goes back at home, surrounded by books in the Matou Library as he tries to levitate a simple stone for a longer time with his telekinesis. He can’t use Mind Jack since only Sakura is in the house and he feels uncomfortable rooting around in her memories given everything she’s done, leaving him feeling that his mind being violated by those horrible visions in the mud was some cruel revenge by fate. However, the stone falls since he keeps picturing that face Ayano made when he told her he only got involved because of her.

He goes down into the basement, showing that it had been scorched clean of the bodies and worms. Gilgamesh pulled out some kind of weapon that was supposed to purge it because the mere sight of it bothered him, so now it was just gathering dust and spiders were moving in. He thinks about how uncaring he had been the last time he came there to muse on his mother and his upbringing, wondering on everything.

As much as he would like to see her broken face when Rider got her hands on her on his command, it didn’t give him the satisfaction he thought it would. He thinks on why it bothers them and then remembers the conversation in the hospital, that she wanted him to help reform the club and that she didn’t think he could be that horrible—he knew it was a lie, he could and would do something that horrible, but after what happened he thought that it was a sign he could try to move past everything. Only now he got chewed out for doing what it took to survive when the only reason he got involved was to help her, and what was the point in doing what others think is right if he gets punished for it?

Next to Sakura, and maybe Shirou, she was the only one to think he had some worth as a person. In turn, they were the only ones who he gave a serious thought about in terms of their wellbeing unless they took advantage of that to betray him (in his eyes).

He hears knocking on the door and realizes its Sakura, who he notes would never come back down here after Zouken’s death, for good reason, and then heads to the door to find that Sakura says that dinner is ready. He says it’s about time and then walks past her before pausing and then telling her thanks for everything she’s done. Sakura looks a bit confused before a soft smile settles on her face and she says its nothing.

That’s when the Psyren Card begins to ring in his ears.
?
Chapter 3
The call comes in during the night and they have to get to someplace to begin. So Issei tells him to head to the school since it’s closest and he’ll meet him outside of the gate. He slips on his white coat and then gets to the grounds, where upon Issei is waiting and asks if he’s ready. Shinji says as ready as he will be before Issei teleports them to a private room in the temple that Reikan reserved for their use.

The group doesn’t look all that happy to see Shinji, but he looks away from them as Issei hands Kane a backpack of supplies. He explains since the last mission was a “Kill quest” they needed to be prepared in case the scenario warranted with supplies. Ayako is holding onto a Naginata she brought from home, so she won’t be exhausted from using her Burst as easily and can use her Blast Plate instead. He gives Shinji a Phurba that they had lying around since if he ended up in a fight he can’t run and has the weakest offensive ability.

The group enters into Psyren and finds that they aren’t too far from where they were the last time, and get the mission to ensure the safety of the purple-haired woman in a trench coat. Kane looks somberly at where the others died, and Shinji feels the weight of their eyes but ignores them to check the landscape for any sign of movement and spots footprints leading further opposite of the gate. Ayako, begrudgingly, reasons that Nemesis Q would have just dropped them here for no reason and so they walk it.

Along the way, he gets tired of Ayako ignoring him while Gai spends his time trying to keep Kane’s spirit up, so he speaks to Ayako with Telepathy and asks if she’s still upset with about that. She states that she knew them and asks how can he still not feel a thing, but he states only a total of three people in his life has shown him an ounce of concern, the three who visited him in the hospital—his sister, Emiya, and her—so that’s why he tried to help her and he will always prioritize himself and those he actually bothers to remember their names over strangers—why should he honestly care about the world ending when as far as he knows this is centuries into the future. Ayako says he lives a lonely life with only three people he cares about.

Then they stop when they see a person in the distance, Lio. Shinji notes that he has a predatory smile when he finds them, made worse when Lio mentions that he was pursuing one particularly slippery rat only to stumble upon a whole nest. He tells Ayako to shoot him through telepathy, stating he’s bad news, when Lio asks if they’ve seen a woman wandering around.

Shinji asks of the person he’s looking for happens to be a woman with purple hair. He says yes, they do know her it seems. Shinji asks what he’ll do when he finds her (while telling Ayako to take the damn shot). Lio pulls out a knife and says he’ll kill her slower than he will them if they talk. Ayako finally shoots, but he dodges and then leaps for them, starting the battle with a kick towards Ayako’s head.

She blocks with the Naginata but notes that the blow is making her arms tremble, so she sends a message to the three of them he’s a Rise-user as she tries to hold him off. Even with the Naginata to deal with the reach of his weapon, he’s too good at dodging when Gai tries to smash him from behind with the two fists and fails, getting a kick to the head that sends him flying into the sand while Kane screams his name.

To their surprise, Gai gets right back up with only a bloody lip to show for it, causing Lio to mention he must be tough. Ayako tries to sneak in a cut with the Naginata, only for it to not even pierce his skin, with Shinji pegging he’s stronger than her in terms of sheer strength as he grabs hold of it and then aims his knife for her throat when Shinji tries to fill the knife he has with PSI energy like into telekinesis practice and then sends it flying forward. The effort makes it feel like he’s exhausted physically because he has no talent in Burst, but Psyren’s atmosphere fires it like an arrow that smacks him in the head and causes it to bounce back but leave him unharmed, giving Ayako enough time to send her Burst energy into the Naginata and it explodes where he’s holding it.

He leaps back and shakes his hands, burn wounds on it as Ayako holds her Naginata at the ready with Blast Plate active. Shinji sends a message stating she’s welcome, while she says it’s not the time. Gai then tries to hit him again while Ayako takes one side, using the distraction to hit him again with the Blast Plate only for him to block it with a charred arm, before Gai hits him solidly in the face and manages to make him bleed.

Shinji pegs the difference, saying he’s stronger than Ayako but not as strong as Gai, while he can avoid Gai’s attacks while Ayako’s explosive burst can do damage to an extent. But he also notes that they have no combat synergy and Ayako has to be careful about not catching him in the blasts. He tries to tell Ayako to take away his legs.

Of course, then he goes Burst and is covered in a golden lion’s shroud that can easily weather Gai’s blows and Ayako’s arrows and Blast Plate before cutting deep into her with his claws from the shroud, leaving her to clutch the place with one hand while barely remaining upwards after exhausting herself. He gets ready to go for the kill, while Shinji tries to Mind Jack him as he batters away at Gai. The Mind Jack slips through the Burst but he moves before it can connect and then throws the knife at Shinji that goes through his arm instead of his chest since he made an effort to dodged.

They’re essentially screwed when he goes in for a charge when Ries appears as their shield while Sion stands behind them.

?
Chapter 4
Ries holds the line and tells Sion gets them out. When Lio tries to go after them, Reis shoves her shield into his gut with enough force that even his Burst can’t save him from the full brunt, causing him to have to devote all his attention to her as Sion grabs Kane and Shinji while Gai grabs Ayako and they run.

They end up in a building quite a distance away they stop and Gai sets Ayako down and asks Kane if there are any medical supplies inside her bag. She rifles through it for them while Shinji looks over her, sweating and in pain, and clenches his teeth at the realization that they need Issei to work on her right away if she was going to live. Then he notices that she brought them to the gate in the vision, but despite that it won’t work.

Sion (who at this point read their minds) states that its because she’s still in danger. That guy chasing her goes by the name of Lio Shirazumi, the Pursuant Beast of the Outrider’s faction of Akshayavat and won’t stop chasing her, so it’d be easiest to eliminate him. Shinji thinks that it’s impossible with his Burst unless they had something strong enough to do so, but Ayako is down and out.

Shinji, seeing Kane just sitting there while Gai covers the wound, chews her out for being useless. He states at least he tried to do something, but she just stood there. This nearly leads to him getting into a fight with Gai, but Sion tells them that’s enough after binding them both with her Etherlite. They don’t have time to fight while they need to survive and they only have so much time before Ries is eventually defeated and Lio will come for them, but moving Ayako in her condition will likely be fatal.

Shini, who wants answers at this point, decides to skip pleasantries and Mind Jack her to figure out why she was so important that Ayako had to die and they had to protect her from that monster. What makes her so special to Nemesis Q. But the moment he does, he explains it’s like being in five heads at once, thinking on different subjects, before being pushed out.

Sion says she’d be a hypocrite for getting on him for doing that, but it’ll take more than a novice to infiltrate her mind. She then states that since he’s so curious, she is the former Vice-Director of Atlas, at least before it fell 10 years ago in 2005—meaning the year they are in is 2015.

Shinji thinks on what he knows from the library and thinks that it should be impossible for this to happen in 10 years. Sion explains it should be, but it did because of the actions of a group that now calls themselves Akshayavat and sabotaged the MA’s factions, as well as the Church before the faithful day that the meteor Ouroboros fell to Earth and began overwriting Gaia. This act not only cost millions of lives, but because Gaia is what the foundation of most magecrafts are built on and is still in the process of dying, most Magus are incapable of using Magecraft efficiently and the dominant powers are those who are psychics, unlike when they came from the past.

When he asks how she knows that and if she was a drifter, she points out that he should know that their contract bounds them from talking to anyone with active circuits in the past like Emiya and his sister, before she drops that she had read all of their minds with her Etherlite before she participated and helped them escape.

Shinji didn’t even notice and it scares him, but she explains that while he possesses a skill-set fit for what they call Trance, he lacks the training to be efficient in it. He bluntly asks how much did she see, and she states she’s seen enough to understand what kind of person he is and states that she isn’t going to let her judgment be compromised in the wake of finding the key to saving the world—starting with dealing with Lio.

Sion grabs his and Gai’s attention, shows off her Barrel Replica, and explains the effect that it has on normal Taboo, but cites that because he is human it won’t kill him despite having a core. She then states that the key to winning is to strip him of his abilities by disturbing his concentration, namely through the use of Mind Jack, Shinji can connect with him and then send in a vivid nightmare that will break his concentration and leave him vulnerable to kill him.

Shinji picks up that she knows about what he had gone through and that she’s asking him to bring up the memories he’s tried so hard to repress, but they can’t survive otherwise. Gai then points out that Shinji failed before because he isn’t fast enough to do anything, but Sion states she can remove his limiter to boost his speed and reflexes, but once it wears off he won’t be able to move. So they’ll only get one shot at this.

That’s when Kane starts to glow with a soft while light while kneeling over Ayako.
?

Interlude 3-1
Kane is staring down at Ayako and realizes that she’s going to die, holding her head as she remembers Shinji’s words about her being useless. She thinks that this is the second time that someone is going to die in front of her and she couldn’t do anything, blaming herself since she was the one who got the others Psyren cards and she could do anything about it.

Gai tells her it’s not her fault. None of them could do anything about that guy, but he’ll protect her. The words don’t help as it brings her mind back to the scene of her first training session. She has virtually no inherent talent in Strength-Rise and her Trance is hindered by the fact that she’s still grieving, leaving Issei to talk to her.

He explains that he was much the same. His talents weren’t for fighting and they hadn’t discovered his Teleportation Marker ability yet, so he had to simply watch and lament that while the others could fight, he needed to be protected. So, one day, he witnessed his brother take a bad injury against Taboo and wanted him to not die, dedicating everything that he had to ensuring that he lived, and something inside of him clicked—his Cure Burst took root (he demonstrates by casting it around her hands so she can feel it). He then states that she has to get over her fear and guilt and put her efforts into not letting what happened be the end of someone.
She doesn’t want Ayako to die and wants to save her. She doesn’t want to lose anyone else, so she tries to mimic that healing feeling that she felt and spread it over Ayako, causing her mind to strain as what looks to be a guardian angel overlaps her and starts healing Ayako.
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Chapter 5
While Kane is healing Ayako, Sion states that Ries has fallen When Gai asks how she knows it, she relates that the closest she can explain it is that Ries is her equivalent of a Burst and they only have so much time before Lio comes.

Shinji then sighs to himself and states that he has to do this so that he doesn’t die, but being exposed to it will make him wish that he did. He then turns to Gai and says that he needs to be a shield and hold his attention with Sion, creating an opening for them to exploit if he doesn’t want anyone else to die because he doubts that Kane can heal Ayako fully on the spur of the moment—he has to do exactly as he says, and in turn Shinji will help him by linking to his mind so he can see the perspective properly.

They agree and then jump down to the sand (Gai carries Shinji) where Lio is approaching while in his Burst, sporting wounds from the battle with Ries. Shinji Mind Jacks him to increase his perception and Sion to coordinate their assault, with Sion giving him pointers in real-time transmission between them. Gai then goes to meet him head on with his Gorilla Fists, but Lio dodges and comes around for his head. Sion tells him how dodge, and because Shinji is watching, Gai can react in time to elbow him and knock him back while Sion attempts to shoot him but he dodges the bullet and then goes for Sion.

Sion tells Gai to step towards a location and swing his fist as hard as he can. While he does, Sion moves and then coils his feet with Etherlite before jerking him off his feet to slip, aiming the gun at him. He dodges it like she planned and he ends up getting clocked by Gai from a blind-spot and then knocked into the ground. She fires her Black Barrel a third time and the bullet shatters Lio’s Burst because its forged of the Ether/Grain around them, and backlash causes him to cry out before she fires a second time and he dodges, leaving him at a disadvantage until he turns to Shinji and then goes for him to attain a hostage now that he was too weak to fight them both head-on.

Death runs up Shinji’s spine as Sion tells him to move now. When he does, his body feels lighter and Etherlite bursts from the ground to coil Lio while he extends the Mind Jack into his head. Then he violates his mind with All the World’s Evil and Shinji is bombarded with the visions, the horrors humanity has inflicted throughout the ages, decrying their worth of living. He begs it to stop, over and over, begging to be forgiven.

The world shatters as Sion blocks the memory from his head by bringing up other ones, burying it for the moment and leaving him curling on the ground. He looks to see Gai standing over him, Lio dead from his chest and core being smashed into itself. Gai looks at him pitying and Shinji tells him not to do that because he hates it before getting back up.

They head back inside and the gate is working. She then tells them outloud that they need to head back to their year and city. Kane asks what will happen to her, she reveals that two people can’t be in the same time period because it will cause a paradox and she is alive then. They’ve bought her time and she’ll use that here to do what she can.

Shinji asks if they can do something to end this so that they don’t have to keep risking their life. Sion connects with him a final time and gives him a mental care package of techniques Atlas members use, stating that if he used Memory Partition he could isolate the thoughts away from him unless needed and formulate better. She then mentally tells him to seeks out Shiki Tohno so that he can contact her, showing him an image and telling him that if he transmits the memories that she can read and they can change the future.
Shinji thinks if it will get him out of it then it would be worth it. She then wishes him well as they go back to the past.

Interlude 3-2
Akira Seo is sitting down when she has a vision of the future, the world being destroyed on various aspects. She sees South America being turned to crystal, she sees fighting around the world as individuals (like Dan Blackmore vs  Monji Gatou) clash, and among them she sees Sion telling Shinji Matou to return back to the Year 2004 in Fuyuki to change the future. Snapping back to her body, she thinks on everything and then decides to go see this Shinji Matou to try and change the future.
 

Azure

Well-Known Member
#42
Trace vs Burst/Rise
My guess is that it refers to high physical boosts that Rise gives, as that can get past all the buffs someone who has a high-leveled Rise applied on their body with ease. It also could mean that if you dodge the enemy's burst, you can use the opening to use Trace to jack their minds. A third way to read this is that if you use Burst specifically in this way you can stop the Trace Waves but you have to see it coming. Honestly, I probably would go with the first one, and have the Team break Lio's Beast Armor to then have Shinji do a Nightmare Jack on Lio.

Outline Comments.
Like I said before, the funeral scene works really well as a way to springboard Shinji's character development and make him reflect on things. I do like how it also adds some tension in his team, since realistically all of them probably wouldn't get along that well and would need more events like this arc to get over their differences and became a team. As always, Sion is best girl and seeing her here is cool, specially with how she takes over the situation and just starts mentoring Shinji in being more effective. I do think that people might find her suddenly knowing everything because she read Shinji's mind a bit too fast, but that's what Sion does, so what can you do.

Kane suddenly learning how to heal is a bit too sudden, but this is a shounen series, so a development like this is to be expected. The bit about the figure of an angel appearing makes me thing that rather than straight up healing, her powers are more in the line of summoning a stand-like entity that has the power to heal (think Jojo's Crazy Diamond for an idea of what I mean). Think how Kabuto has his persona-like Yoyo to reflect stuff back at people, if it helps.

I like how the fight is won due to teamwork at the end here, specially with how while Shinji was key in dealing with Lio, in the end he couldn't have done it without Gai and Sion. I think rather than asking Shinji to seek Shiki, Sion should point Shinji to Akiha, who is probably the member of the Tohno family who is more in the open and is probably the more famous one, but I guess Shiki would be easier to approach.

Akira's future vision as the last interlude is pretty cool, and will probably be the real turning point in the plot when you get to it. Not sure how the readers will receive it, but I really like it as it will make Arc 4 about setting up the Rosetta Stone. I hope we get to Akiha and Sion rescue Shinji and Co in the sometime future just like the grown-up kids did in the original manga, I remember feeling really hype when I read that part. I do find it weird that Nemesis Q didn't summon any new people for this mission, but I guess by now Shinji and Co basically got locked as the final team that will do stuff for now.
 

Leidolf

Well-Known Member
#43
On Kane
That's literally how Oboro learned in canon, but totally a Shounen thing. Well, since I don't have a Kabuto character, I can give her that. Her having a Yoyo-esquue figure that drives her can be fun if it tries to guide her into becoming someone like him when it comes to healing.

On Sion
Shiki has a direct contact with her though. The fact hat he goes to Akiha is because Akira the ticket in to them, while Akiha doesn't want her brother to get involved beyond a certain level.

On Arc 4 and beyond
I think Arc 5 or 6 has the rescue by the future group with other Psychics from the Nasuverse. I still need to plan it out. And Nemesis Q didn't (for story reasons) because at that point it would be throwing them into a meat grinder, slowing them down. Other people from Japan are recruited, but not called with this group in particular.
 

Azure

Well-Known Member
#44
Kane
Well the thing is that Oboro being crazy good at healing was kinda a plot point, it was used to point out how weird the guy was, and kinda was there to hint at how he would develop. I doubt you want to do the same with Kane so it felt diferent. Still it works so no need to change your plans. Her having a Yoyo-esquue figure to represent her healing is really cool, since it helps make her powers feel more unique compare to Issei who can also heal but teleport too.

Sion
Like I said, I was expecting her to suggest Akiha because Akiha is the more public member of the Tsukihime cast and the easiest one to find, but it's not like Shiki is hiding or anything so it's not that important.

Arc 4 and Beyond
So Nemesis Q will have other teams running around at the same time? That actually might be a good chance to meet other Drifters on a big mission make things more interesting, but that might make things more complicated. Anyhow, I guess now you will focus on writing this, since by now I think you have a pretty good plan for what you want to do in these intro arcs.
 

Leidolf

Well-Known Member
#45
I'm almost done with a rough draft of the first chapter (currently at 2,800). Once I do, I'll post it in a preview chapter here and get opinions before I start polishing it up.
 

lhklan

Well-Known Member
#46
Hmm sounds really interesting so far. Although would Shirou play a more active role later on? I can't just see him sitting out of it and I sort of want to see a semi reconciliation between Shirou and Shinji
 

Leidolf

Well-Known Member
#47
Shirou and Rin are more active in the present during later arcs (with Rin being a member of Rosetta Stone in the future), but the Drifters can't talk to them due to the initial rules of Nemesis Q in the present. Rule Breaker can get around that, but it would also cut them off from being able to go into the future and gain more information to change the past and it.

On that note to everyone who reads this: Chapter 1 (Rough Draft) is up and in need of critiques.
Feel free to be as honest as you can.
 

Leidolf

Well-Known Member
#48
Now that the 1st Arc is almost finished, I'm deciding what to do for the 4th. My intention is to introduce the Vampire faction, as well as some of the other Veteran Drifters, so I'm thinking a variation of the Neo Amakusa arc with all sides racing to retrieve an artifact that can overturn the balance of power in the future, but I'm not sure what to use.

I'm also wondering if I can use Sakura in the future in some capacity akin to how they are in 3rei with Miyu, due to still having the fragments of the Black Grail inside of her.
 

daniel_gudman

KING (In Land of Blind)
Staff member
#49
Leidolf said:
...I'm thinking a variation of the Neo Amakusa arc with all sides racing to retrieve an artifact that can overturn the balance of power in the future, but I'm not sure what to use.
If you want to go for the Notes influence, then make it the Black Barrel. As something that forces "Natural Lifespan" on the the target, it negates most forms of immortality.

If you want to call back to the Grail War, then somebody dug up the Ea that Gil had. As an "Anti-World" Noble Phantasm, it could destroy the entire zone that's alien to Earth.

I'm also wondering if I can use Sakura in the future in some capacity akin to how they are in 3rei with Miyu, due to still having the fragments of the Black Grail inside of her.
I dropped Prisma and haven't bothered to catch back up, so I don't really know about Miyu... but maybe go back to the thing right above it, and the Dark Grail Shards (or Sakura herself) is the artifact they're fighting over?
 

Leidolf

Well-Known Member
#50
Black Barrel should have been in Atlas' care in the past before the sabotage and was destroyed in the earlier future timelines, but I can have either one member of Atlas with clearance get it out before being killed or captured (though I have to justify how they all learn about it later). In Prisma, Miyu is a natural born Holy Grail that Julius plans to use to evolve humanity into something that can survive the end of the world. Since Sakura will continue to mature as the grail, I'm thinking that she could be used as an asset to all factions, though I have to explain how they found out about her in the first place. Maybe the environment of the world plays havoc on her in some manner and she needs medical attention and the overseas medic who would know about it has been captured by the bad guys and had the information extracted via Trance.
 
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