Reading impressions (SPOILER warning!)

chronodekar

Obsessively signs his posts
Staff member
#1
Going to talk about the fanfiction Wandering of a Sword Hero by A Dyslexic Writer
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13190156/1/

Why am I doing this?
Been too long since I've author'ed anything myself. Want to write _something_ to kick the muse.

Will you talk about spoilers?
Yes, yes I will. Please leave immediately if this bothers you.

With that out of the way, let's begin!

This is supposed to be a crossover story between Shield Hero and Fate Stay Night. I've read the translated web novel for Shield Hero. It's a story which starts off promising, but near the end, I got the impression that the author just wanted to stop. There are, if I remember correctly, 2 endings for the novel. Not to spoil things, but for me, I'll just keep the nicer ending as "canonical". It probably doesn't matter (it is VERY late in the story anyway). As for what FSN is ... I'm going to assume that you are familiar with it and all the spin-off fanfiction crossovers that come from it.

As far as I can tell from the summary, this appears to be another "Shirou transported into another universe" setup. Would he replace Naofumi as the Shield Hero? Or one of the other three? Hmm... That IS a good question. A part of me is expecting some idiocy where he DOES replace Naofumi as the Shield Hero. Which would indicate that our fanficiton author is not really aware of the Nasu-verse or is really brave. Personally, I hope neither.


A few paragraphs in and I discover that Shirou is a mercenary. With his usual harem living with/near him. A lot of exposition. This does not bode well. -_-

ROTFL !! :DDD

The "VR" headset provides not just audio+video, but also allowing for smell, feel and even taste!?! As someone who works with computers, this is .. well, very ficitional. But what's so funny is the rest of the exposition. "no one knew who invented them ... only a single game was supported" ?!? WHY, oh WHY would any loving parent allow their children to come near such a device? This mystery device just becomes popular and no one questions if it is medically sound?!?

Am about 70 - 80% down the page of the first chapter. As far as the FSN elements go ... this is most certainly fanfiction. Fortunately, I don't care about canon-compliance as I once did.

And I'm done with the first chapter. ... What was the point of all that exposition?!??? Shirou was just "transported" into the fantasy world without even donning the VR helmet? Here is chapter 1 in as few words as possible;

"Shirou gets teleported to an unknown fantasy world with 3 other random strangers."

Onwards to chapter 2 then. What catches my attention is a typo. "He still was in fool possession of his free will.". The author probably meant to say "full possession", but as it stands, I wonder if perhaps, his sub-conscious is telling us something? That we're fools to be reading this?

Hmm... Shirou has a very high cooking stat? Why is this higher than attack/defense/speed/magic?

This quote,

"Had those two not noticed that the weapons they were holding weren't sharp enough to cut cheese with?" actually makes sense. Shirou is referring to a bow and spear weilder. It would be surprising if either of those could be used to cut cheese. :D

On a different note, it IS good to see that Naofumi is around as the shield hero. Perhaps this story could be worth reading? Or at least, as a time-killer.

We're playing give-out-fake-names. Not a negative sign, but as a reader, I find it annoying to keep track.

Was the bit that the heros needing to work separately a canon thing? I don't remember.

Am done with chapter 2. Am not really enthusiastic for this story. But, I don't want to do anything else ATM, so going to keep reading.

"He might be able to resist through sheer thick headedness" -> this is a novel idea. I wonder if anyone has actually written something to the effect? That some magic spell/curse just didn't happen because the target was too thick-headed. Reminds me of Goury from the Slayers anime.

"Am I really going to use a Divine Construct to cut vegetables?" -> this seems to happen often in FSN crossover fanfics.

There is this interesting scene of Shirou talking/flirting with the librarian that an idea popped into my head. We need an isekei story of a married hero/heroine being transported somewhere. And after some period of time (not too long!) their spouse, breaks through the multiverse and joins them. Would be nice to read something of that nature.

:D the "lengendary" sword is a yandere against any other weapon the hero might weild. ha, ha!

Well I'm done with chapter 4 now. Gave me a meh feeling.

-chronodekar
 

PCHeintz72

The Sentient Fanfic Search Engine mk II
#2
I actually have read that story... it is not all that bad.

FYI: Shirou being summoned w/o any VR gear fits the story of Rising of the Shield Hero. Because in that, while the other threee canon heros did know of such games from their Japan's (they are not from the same one), Naofuni did not get there by even knowing of such a game, he got there from reading a book in a library.

one item:

The "VR" headset provides not just audio+video, but also allowing for smell, feel and even taste!?! As someone who works with computers, this is .. well, very ficitional. But what's so funny is the rest of the exposition. "no one knew who invented them ... only a single game was supported" ?!? WHY, oh WHY would any loving parent allow their children to come near such a device? This mystery device just becomes popular and no one questions if it is medically sound?!?
I agree with you... however, this is the plot for multiple fan fiction stories/animes, and is lifted probably from Sword Art Online, where there in fact was full immersion VR headsets that were on only one game and the player was sucked intot he game world...


I actually quite like the Anime so far for Rising of the Shield Hero... highly recommend it.

As for this story... It's Ok... I actually do not care for the last couple chapters as much, but I'm hoping the author continues it.

The one I'd really like to see continued, is the Ranma crossover with it, ('Ranma of the Shield' by fanboy913) because I really liked it, but the author stopped some 2 years ago... it is based not on anime but manga/visual novel, with bits of his own stuff thrown in...
 

Shirotsume

Not The Goddamn @dmin
#3
Yeah, I've read this story as well. It's not great, and it gets very 'obvious SI is obvious' later down the road, but the easiest way to read it is to consider it less of a FSN/RotSH story, and more of an FSN/SAO/RotSH story.
 

Jimbobob5536

Well-Known Member
#4
It's a passable story imo. Not great, but not a pain to read. No glaringly obvious flaws (yet) that would make me want to drop it.

As for that Ranma one: I would also love to see that updated and am sad that it probably never will.
 

chronodekar

Obsessively signs his posts
Staff member
#5
Thanks for the comments folks. :)

I read chapter 4 or 5 during my commute to work today. Felt like dropping the story, to be honest. It began to feel like too much exposition and too little plot. But .. well, it was a long-ish commute, so kept reading.

I'm in the middle of chapter 13 now. Something disappointing is that we don't have any interaction with Naofumi. The Holy sword, has a mind of it's own - yandere tendencies. I liked Deflinger from the Zero no Tsukaima series. He was funny. Here? It's amusing, but feels more like a distraction.

Was the part about Demihumans being chosen by the Shield Hero, canon? I don't remember. I have this feeling that the bit about Azu and the dragon Tyr are canon, but it could be my imagination.

Something that bugs me is the unlocking of "Harem Series". Shirou doesn't seem romantically (or even sexually) interested in anyone, 2 of the 3 females who piled on him openly admit to seeing him as more of a Father than a mate .. so Why? Unless the author has some really disturbing ideas to what a father is supposed to do... Brr...!

:D Azu's grandfather didn't know she could use magic? She must have been a lonely and silent child. Poor dear.

I like these lines;

"Removing them from power would be a civil service. I just need to make sure I don't cause a civil war while doing it."

Feels deep. Or just cool.

And I'm done. This wasn't a horrible fanfic. I'll give it that. It _almost_ reaches vanilla quality. Almost. Would I subscribe to it? Nah. This is really more Shirou than Naofumi.

Now to find something else to read.

-chronodekar
 

chronodekar

Obsessively signs his posts
Staff member
#6
Hmm.. now that I'm searching again; why was "Wandering of a Sword Hero" given an "M" rating? Doesn't feel like it.

And where is this Ranma + Shield Hero crossover? Can't seem to find on FFN.

Going to pick "Some Gifts for the Shield Hero" by RobinRounds next.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13208798/1/Some-Gifts-for-the-Shield-Hero

Selecting it because it comes up near the top when listing by favorites/reviews.

its been a while since I've seen a character get the deck stacked against him so badly in the first few chapters
Very true. Probably what's the charm of Shield Hero. The deck is REALLY stacked against him. It takes a good while before things turn in his favor.

I really like this sequeway into a fanfiction;

Seems like some force of imagination slated you to be picked for some otherworldly shenanigans.
:D

Kid do you have any idea how many people across the universes get Isekai-ed on a monthly basis? Thousands. Tens of thousands to be more accurate. Most of which fade away from existence before their story is finished because the deities that screwed with them got bored or forgot about them.
:DD I can understand WHY this story is popular! Meta humor! ha, ha!!

I've heard of "Ring of Wisdom" before. Rather cliche. But what's a "Ring of Epic Wisdom" ? Epic Cliche?! :D

Does every Shield Hero story have a need to punch the king on the first meeting? Or was he just that much of an asshole? ... Wait; never-mind. Don't answer that.

Nice, we have someone who's aware that he's going to be accussed of rape. Speaking of which ... does it happen in the anime? Feels like a mature subject.

The Naofumi in this story has a very healthy attitude to things. I like it!

And he adds a whole bunch of buffs to his shield by the end of chapter 3. Cool.

Oh Lord! This line!! ha, ha ha!!

Yesterday he felt like an asshole, today he's making me fear for my asshole...
I"m surprised that we're doing the rape accusation anyways (in .. chapter 5, I think, I am).

Remember canon, I'm VERY satisfied with chapter 5.

-chronodekar
 

PCHeintz72

The Sentient Fanfic Search Engine mk II
#7
And where is this Ranma + Shield Hero crossover? Can't seem to find on FFN.
The Ranma of the Shield story is not under the Rising of the Shield Hero, mostly because it predates the category on FanFiction.NET.

RANMA-RSH 'Ranma of the Shield' by fanboy913 - [Dld Date=05/14/2015] - [Dld Size=533kb] - [Dld File Cnt=10] - [Dld Status=Inactive]
  • - [MD Source=FF.NET] - [MD Category=Ranma] - [MD Rating=M] - [MD Word Cnt=100307]
  • - [MD Summary= Weird things happen all the time but for Ranma they are often a bit stranger. Pulled away from his chaotic life in Japan he finds himself a standing in a world on the edge of destruction. Follow his adventures there as he saves a country that thinks he is a devil shows this world what damage a martial artist can do. And for the first time in his life attract women that dont hit him]
  • - [Direct URL] https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10732475/1/
  • - [Author1 URL] https://www.fanfiction.net/u/2235016/
 

chronodekar

Obsessively signs his posts
Staff member
#8
"Some Gifts for the Shield Hero" -> it appears that the author is familiar with the web novel. I've finished all the chapters written so far (chapter-14) and .. well, the story has enough of my interest to "follow". It IS better than a lot of the garbage out there. I'd say a bit better than vanilla for score.

Where the story loses points, is due to going overly meta. Similar to the ORIGINAL Shield Hero, I get the feeling that this fanfic author wants to stop writing too. So, he's introducing end-story stuff.

I _like_ the faster pace of Naofumi/Raftalia shipping, but the latter's character is bit too forward for a former-slave. Then again; you can attribute it to the faster aging.

Someone posted one of gabriel_blessing's snippets = https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13098347/1/Define-Hero

The idea has it's merits. Instead of just name-dropping a single out-of-world character, why not do so for all the heroes? Perhaps, I might write it myself, if I can think of some plot to go with the whole thing.

Canonically, in Shield Hero; Naofumi becomes stronger, with Raftalia and another companion, they go meta-verse hopping in the end. That's not the kind of ending I want to write. But .. argh! Nothing comes to mind ATM.

Started reading the Ranma crossover story = https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10732475/1/

I know it wouldn't be a Ranma story without his gender-bending curse, but after reading it across so many different contexts, one has to wonder What exactly Jusenkyo is? The place has the power to affect things across so many multi-verses ... and spends it on transformation curses/blessings?!?

Ranma had green eyes? That's new.

Ah, the Neko-ken. Such a memorable scene! Wouldn't be Ranma without that either. :) Sad to see that the Curse of the Drowned Girl is Permanent. Poor Ranma.

A very sharp dip in intelligence?! Ha, ha! That's kind-of fitting and funny! If his Agility isn't maxed out, it's probably an indicator that he can be faster. Oh wait; his girl side has those maxed out. :( Darn, is this going to be another story where he's a girl for most of the narration?

An idea just popped into my head - someone should write a crack story about these four heros joining together Sentai-style to become a mega-warrior and save the world.

Finished the first chapter. A promising opening. The kind of opening which makes me subscribe to updates to the story. Nice!

-chronodekar
 

chronodekar

Obsessively signs his posts
Staff member
#9
I'm beginning to understand why you liked this story @PCHeintz72 . It sucked me in and I'm already at chapter 9. My biggest peeve is that we're seeing a harem form, but besides that, it's a nice story. Has it's fair share of grammar/spelling issues. Like this;

The wheels were solid metal with germs at the centers each a different color.
That should obviously be gems. But the alternate mental image is ... weird.

Hmm... is meeting a wind goddess canon in Shield Hero?

... and we meet Atlas in chapter 10. I *think* this is part of Shield Hero canon, but it's been too long that I don't remember well enough.

Signing up for updates on this, but .. yeah; not too hopeful.

Hmm... what next?

-chronodekar
 

chronodekar

Obsessively signs his posts
Staff member
#10
A plot bunny based around the idea of 4 heroes plucked from different meta-verses to save this one is forming in my mind. But ... there are problems with it. If I were to use someone like Shirou or even Kirito - the fun in plopping them over is if they have some of their powers/skills with them. But that would put Naofumi at a very distinct disadvantage.

Another problem I can't quite figure out; is WHERE to take the story? The waves come in predictable moments. How exactly are the hero's supposed to put an end to it? Some epic boss fight? What was said boss attempting to achieve?

Hmm... that might actually work. Some kind of ancient evil which resurrects every 1000 years or so; and each time - it's mostly repelled. Only this time, the usual methods don't work and other Beings need to get involved. Ok, so far so good. Now ... what would our 4 heroes get out of it? And who should the heroes be?

Think I'll keep Naofumi as the Shield hero. I liked reading about him and Raftalia. As for the Hero of the Bow or Archer, Shirou is an easy choice. But it ends up being a curb stomp if we're talking about a Shirou from any of the 3 main routes of FSN. Instead, I'm thinking of plucking a Shirou who got a Bad End. Need to look it up, but hopefully, that would be enough of an excuse that I can morph him into something I like, but not take too much flack for making him un-recognizable. And speaking of; a Kirito BEFORE Sword Art Online started would be nice to have around as the Sword Hero. Basically a gamer who hasn't gone through life-threatening situations. And as for the Spear Hero .. .hmmm.. the canon Motoyasu is an interesting idea ... but hmm... what about Kazuma from KonoSuba? He's naive (and selfish) enough that I could 'accidently' turn him into a villian. Or at least, someone easily misled. Heh; fits his profile perfectly.

Ah this is good. My muse is exercising. Need to write more impressions. Might as well keep looking for Shield Hero stories. What's available on FFN ? Hmmm...

Rise of a True Shield Hero (Redux) is near the top of the list. Let's see .. wait; what? The ENTIRE first chapter is a long author's note?!? Not off to a good start. Here's the link to the second chapter;
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13204265/2/Rise-of-a-True-Shield-Hero-Redux

-chronodekar
 

PCHeintz72

The Sentient Fanfic Search Engine mk II
#11
The author tends to put some of his own stuff in there that is not canon, I admit, but it all seemed to fit reasonably well. That Ranma story, when I read it back as it was coming out, was actually my first encounter with anything about Shield Hero, and I had been hoping for an anime since....

For a 3rd character, you could use Kazume, from Kaze no Stigma...

As for interesting AU's in Shield Hero Fan Fiction... There are a couple that have caught my interest and waiting to see where it goes...

'Ambition of the Red Princess' by Qinlongfei - picture Malty as a bit smarter and longer term thinker than canon, and place her into the situation she is in with Naofuni... she what she migt do... she is *not* nice, but more thoughtful.

Another would be:

'Through The Mirror Darkly' by lord of the land of fire, Events after saving the heros and the princesses from the church go different than canon, and He ends up in Siltvelt... Some of the plot twist and conversations are hilarious... The point where the heros call the queen an NPC is one, and one where Naofuni has dinner with the queen is gold... (this author also puts out an interesting Saga of Tanya the Evil continuation)
 

chronodekar

Obsessively signs his posts
Staff member
#12
For what it's worth .. the writing style in this story is a step above the usual riff-raff. Make me feel that we might actually have an author who knows something about the craft of writing!

Yep. Finished the first *real* chapter. This is a writing style I enjoy.

The author does a lot of bolded exposition. Many years ago, I would read them. These days? Not so much.

@PCHeintz72,
I enjoyed the Kaze no Stigma anime, but ... the lead Kazume is a bit too re-assured for my idea to work. Perhaps immediately after he was kicked out of his family, but ... darn .. he'll end up turning into someone un-recognizable. Hmm.. that actually might work. Let me ponder on it. No promises ;)

-chronodekar
 

chronodekar

Obsessively signs his posts
Staff member
#13
And I'm caught up to chapter 11 of Rise of a True Shield Hero (Redux). I must give props to the author for his writing style. It is a grade above what's usually seen in fanfiction. The plot ... is vanilla fare. Nothing outstanding, but nothing horrible either. A good timepass, with the added benefit that the writing style makes it fun!

To what I can well, this is a train journey stopping at the stations of canon with some variants. That does not make it bad, but it kind-of makes things .. well, par the course? Nevertheless, this story is a good time-kill. I enjoyed it.

Now to check out those other stories.

-chronodekar

EDIT:

Adding story links;

Ambition of the Red Princess: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13260174/1/Ambition-of-the-Red-Princess
Through The Mirror Darkly: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13193316/1/Through-The-Mirror-Darkly
 
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chronodekar

Obsessively signs his posts
Staff member
#14
Ambition of the Red Princess: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13260174/1/Ambition-of-the-Red-Princess

Has a nice premise which is worth being expanded on. What if - among all people, Malty acted intelligently? To most readers this would indicate that things would go differently at the Shield Hero's trial. For better or worse, we need to reach all the way to chapter 4 for that to happen. And that's all which has been written so far. I'm subscribing to the story, but won't recommend it until we have more material to read. As things stand, we've reached the expected tipping point, with decent writing.


Through The Mirror Darkly: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13193316/1/Through-The-Mirror-Darkly

Follows the web novel to a point where the Queen on Melromarc is forced to let the Shield Hero go to Siltwelt - where he is treated like ... a religious icon. It disturbs Naofumi, but goes along with it. Something a bit unusual is that the author writes (and sells) original fiction on amazon. I'm ... not quite sure what to make of it. There is some really, REALLY minor advertising in the author's notes - but nothing I found annoying. What I think I expected (and didn't get) was the writing style. It didn't grip me. It's just usual vanilla flavor.

A decent time-pass. I'll give this story that. It isn't finished, but what we have here isn't too bad.

@PCHeintz72,

Thanks for the recommendations! :)

Here are a few more I've been reading,


The Shielded Savior: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13210889/1/The-Shielded-Savior

There is a larger _something_ to do with the legendary weapons. We're given a hint of that around chapter 3. It's expanded on a bit more as the story progresses, but ... well, the biggest change is that Naofumi can wield a sword. This does change some things around but compared to canon, removes a big incentive to purchase Raftalia. Speaking of who, she's a bit more forward in this story. For now, hormones are being blamed. The writing is decent and this is another good time-pass. A complaint is that the world isn't as immersive as I'd like. But hey, it works for this author and he's writing nicely, so I won't complain ... too much. As a plot, is it worth talking about? Sadly no. Stopping at most stations of canon, with some changes here and there, but nothing too different.

Have read a few more stories .. but I can't bring myself to write about them. Just not enough reading material.

-chronodekar
 

PCHeintz72

The Sentient Fanfic Search Engine mk II
#15
Glad you liked the recommendations...

I had already read the Shielded Savior, it was... Ok'ish, I guess. Seems a bit too heavy handed for my tastes, but decently done given that.

Other than perhaps telling you to try that one shot by the same author of Ambition of the Red Princess (called 'Believe in me')... I would perhaps suggest one other story:

'After the Rain' by Dewyn, which is an AU that has it as what Naofumi would do if he suddenly ends up back home after the events of the series, and what the world would do about it and react to his sudden reappearance. Consider how it would be viewed by those he left behind for him suddenly reappearing, and be so changed. And of course, his problems are *not* over when waves start in his world and Raphtalia appears. It is not bad though only 4 chapters so far, but it does have a few glaring problems with the plot.
 

PCHeintz72

The Sentient Fanfic Search Engine mk II
#16
Since it was mentioned, I've been slowly reading 'Rise of a True Shield Hero (Redux)' by theoneandonlyedster. I'm on chapter 10. This is well written, though not my normal material, as it has the same issue I see in a lot of Gate and Rising of Shield Hero fan fiction. Still a decent read.

However, I've been having a hard time actually reading this. Sadly his writing style and my reading style are not very compatible. This author tends to use double quote marks on internal thoughts with different script... which would be fine for most readers these days I guess. The issue here is when I read I convert to text first. So in a text editer it all reads like the internal thoughts are actually verbal...
 
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