Response to the Weird eye challenge

Liam-don

Well-Known Member
#1
So, in response to Mr.Mysterious Challenge. Here's Sakura "awakening" to her doujutsu. You should figure out which it is rather easily.

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Kin looked down at the pink-haired girl in contempt. Yet another useless kunoichi more interested in chasing boys than in her training. The foolish girl was barely hurt, but she was paralyzed by fear and only able to shiver and cry. Pathetic. The worst was that because of her kind, every kunoichi were considered second-rate nin, even in the Sound. That was the reason Kin wanted to deal with them in the worst way possible. First she'd take care of this pink-haired idiot and then it would be the turn of the blond bimbo that had been with her at the beginning of the first exam. And she had just the way.

ôZaku, kill this Sasuke guy in front of this boy chaser's eye. Let's teach her a lesson.öShe felt the other girl tense at her word, and she pulled her hair in warning.ôDon't move!ö The leaf genin slumped again, crying anew ,a music to Kin's ears. The girl had given up, finally realizing how useless she was, and that gave the Sound nin great satisfaction. Zaku advanced toward their unconscious target with deliberate slowness, laughing all the while, and Kin savored the powerlessness of the defeated girl.

Suddenly, the pink-haired girl stopped crying and pulled a Kunai. It looked like she hadn't learned her lesson. ôThat won't work on me.ö Kin stated simply. The girl turned toward her with a small smirk, and Kin was startled by the Leaf girl's eyes. They burned with a new intensity, and their steel-gray color was rather unsettling. Worse, they screamed danger to the kunoichi sense. She was so bothered by this new development that she almost reacted too late when the attack came. She barely dodged the stab at her knee, but the kunai still managed to bit deeply in her lower leg. It was not a crippling blow, but it shouldn't have happened in the first place and Kin cursed her carelessness. As she was about to kick her with her hurt limb, she felt like a rush of electricity running through her leg. More surprised than pained, Kin put her foot down, deciding to back away to examine the wound more thoroughly. She was rather surprised when it gave way beneath her and she had to fight to keep standing. She was also defenseless when the second attack came, a stab at her right side. Beyond the expected pain, Kin felt something break inside of her in a hundred pieces. She felt the shard spread in her body, each one piercing her insides like one more blade. The pain was unbearable and Kin collapsed, welcoming unconsciousness.

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ôHell yeah! No one messes with my hair!ôInner Sakura shouted, pumping her fist in the air.

While Sakura agreed, she was too amazed by the situation to react immediately. Just a minute before, she had decided to stop being the one that needed protection, and accepted to sacrifice everything to her new nindo. She had been ready to free herself in the safest way available, when the world had shifted.

There were no better way to describe it. Everything seemed so much more real! Looking down at the fallen Sound, Sakura saw each seam on her clothes, she could even pick out every details of the girl's skin. Stranger though, was the lines that crisscrossed her body. It looked like there was almost a hundred of them, running and crossing everywhere on the dark-haired girl. ôShe looks like a target ô said a giddy Inner Sakura,dancing from one foot to the otheröand we hit the bullseye.ö That was accurate enough, Sakura thought. Depending on the location the grid's appearance varied wildly, both in color and in density, there was even points where the line broke completely. She had aimed at those points, and if she had somewhat missed the first time, judging by the result of the second of her second hit, those ôbroken crossö really designated weak points.

But what were they showing? Even the second hit had not touched any major organs. And, more importantly, where had they come from? She was interrupted in her musing -rather rudely ,Inner Sakura thought -by an amused voice, Zaku's.

ôStill have some fight left in you? Fine then, I'll take care of you before Sasuke!ô

Right, it wasn't the time for analysis. Sasuke-kun was in danger, -The loud idiot too, Inner Sakura reminded her- and she was the only one who could protect him. Sakura quickly turned her mind back to the battle. For now, Zaku was the only one on the offensive, she had to attack him before his teammate decided to join in. Even from where she stood, Sakura could see the lines and the "broken crosses" on Zaku, she had a way to deal serious damage, but it would only work at close-range. Her decision taken, Sakura rushed toward the Sound-nin.

Right before the air blast hit, Sakura used Kawarimi no jutsu to take the place of a log near the Sound nin. As expected, her move didn't surprise him in the least, but she was closer to him now. ôUseless!ö He said as he prepared another attack. As fast as she could, Sakura threw an handful of kunai on Zaku and performed the hand seals necessary for a second Kawarimi. Once again She executed the technique right before his counterattack hit her. She reappeared right over him and again he spotted her in a second.

ôHow many time do I have to tell you it's useless!öThe Sound genin said with mocking glee. Instead of using his hijutsu, Zaku threw kunais at her. As she made the Kawarimi seals for the third time Sakura braced herself, this was going to hurt and she hoped her opponent would fall for her trick. She was pierced by the kunais and Zaku began looking for Sakura all around him, except where she was, exactly in the same place as before. ôGotcha, sucker!ö Inner Sakura shouted in jubilation. Releasing her seal, Sakura took out a kunai and continued her fall toward the oblivious ninja. By the time Zaku noticed her presence Sakura was right on top of him. He had barely enough time to raise his arm in protection.

His arms riddled with ôbroken crossesö.

With as much precision as she could muster, Sakura stabbed at her foe. Again, the result were above anything Sakura had hoped. Zaku screamed in pain and horror as he watched his almost completely severed right arm. The limb dangled gruesomely by a thin strand of muscle and skin. Instead of the clean cut the blade should have inflicted, the wound followed of jagged line, as if something had exploded inside of the young ninja's arm.

Sakura, as surprised as she was by the result from her assault, did not wait before initiating another attack. However, she found herself out of breath, her chest burning, her arms incredibly heavy. Holding on her weapon was almost too much for the kunoichi. She was out of Chakra, she realized. But so soon?After two Kawarimi? Impossible. A first-year at the academy had more Chakra than that. She could not afford to stop now. The fight was not over yet. Sasuke was still in danger. Sakura forced herself upright with effort. She had to win this fight even if it killed her.

She faced Zaku. The Sound nin had stopped crying over his lost appendage, and looked at Sakura with murder in his eyes. Much worse, the strange lines had vanished from her sight as suddenly as they had appeared.

Her sight.

A doujutsu.

ôYou bitch!öSakura never saw the punch that sent her into oblivion.

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And done.

I hope every one recognized the Hokuto... hu the Goukengan.If it seems overpowered, remember that Sakura was severely underestimated in this fight, and that she was completely exhausted after two minutes. It will be a while before she becomes a sleek killing machine.

Edit: punctuation.
 

Mr. Mysterious

Well-Known Member
#2
The punctuation is seriously messed up. Some sentences didn't end in any punctuation; some had a space then a punctuation mark, then no space at the start of the next sentence; some had a space, then a punctuation mark, then a space, then the next sentence... it made it kinda hard to read.

That aside, it was a nice start. I'm assuming the explosion in Zaku's arm was the implants that allowed his Hijutsu being ruptured by her kunai. I hope it isn't some weird ability you're giving the Goukengan, because... eh, that'd be kind of 'blah.'

Anyway, yeah. I like the start. So, which doujutsu are you giving Naruto? Or are you going to hold that in secret until you post it?

Anyway, I declare a need for moar. Soon. :D
 

Liam-don

Well-Known Member
#3
Mr. Mysterious said:
The punctuation is seriously messed up. Some sentences didn't end in any punctuation; some had a space then a punctuation mark, then no space at the start of the next sentence; some had a space, then a punctuation mark, then a space, then the next sentence... it made it kinda hard to read.

That aside, it was a nice start. I'm assuming the explosion in Zaku's arm was the implants that allowed his Hijutsu being ruptured by her kunai. I hope it isn't some weird ability you're giving the Goukengan, because... eh, that'd be kind of 'blah.'

Anyway, yeah. I like the start. So, which doujutsu are you giving Naruto? Or are you going to hold that in secret until you post it?

Anyway, I declare a need for moar. Soon. :D
Maybe I got a little carried away with Zaku's arm.Sorry, I'm always bloodthirsty at this time of the year. Won't happen again. :evil:

But yeah, Zaku was special case. Sakura hit him at the right place and at the right time.

About Naruto's Doujutsu, I'm still hesitating between the Isshingan and the Souzoushagan. Wichever I choose, its first activation will be in the fight against Kiba, when after watching everyone using their cool doujutsu, Naruto will try to use his, and succeed. :lol:
 

Mr. Mysterious

Well-Known Member
#4
:evil: Actually, I think the Zaku thing was good, so long as he was a special case. It's nifty that the effects can be different based on who gets hit. :sisi: Definitely a nice touch!

And with the Isshingan you could have Naruto copy Kiba's Shikyaku no Jutsu on the spot out of sheer instinct (whether he figures out how he did it, so that he can do it again is another matter). Shikakyu no Jutsu increases strength, speed, senses, and gives him claws/fangs. Cue Kiba freezing as he wonders if his sister's promise to get someone in the exams to kick his ass wasn't just a joke. :snigger:

With the Souzoushagan he might be able to copy it, but probably not the first time he uses it. Honestly, I can't see it giving him much of an edge at that point... aside from probably letting him use the ability to see through things and the improved sight to spot and avoid Kiba and Akamaru. It's a minor advantage, since he hasn't had much practice with it, but it could give him an edge there... but as the story advances Naruto would have a lot more advantages.

I can see why it's a tossup. Both are nifty, both have their own good and bad points. So... flip a coin? :snigger:

Also, out of curiosity, is there a rule against crossposting stories? If not, you might want to post this to the Naruto section, as well. It'd probably get more responses that way... or maybe post a note in the talk section pointing it out. I know I only noticed this one because I thought to check the challenge thread.
 

Liam-don

Well-Known Member
#5
Rules? On TFF? :huh:

Riiiiight.

Well , except for "don't be an asshole", of course. Crossposting now.
 
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