“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
—1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
“Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law…So with thy all; thou hast no right but to do thy will. Do that, and no other shall say nay. For pure will, unassuaged of purpose, delivered from the lust of result, is every way perfect.”
—Aleister Crowley, Liber AL vel Legis I: 40, 42-43
“Love is the Law, love under will.”
—Aleister Crowley, Liber AL vel Legis I: 57
The two paid little heed to the trembling of the rock and crystal around them. Parts of the subterranean complex had collapsed, so they took their time looking for alternate passages towards GranDracmon’s sanctum. They could have easily removed the obstacles, but, well, they were not in that much of a hurry.
Lucemon’s left hand still held Takato’s wrist.
“It makes you wonder, doesn’t it?” Takato broke the silence. “What could have been.”
Lucemon’s side glance was cold and bitter.
“You mean like I have done every single day of my existence?”
Takato had to turn his eyes away from the heaviness of Lucemon’s dark stare.
“Um…right. My bad.”
“…your bad, huh.” A bitter chuckle. This Lucemon followed with a grandiose gesture stretching both arms out.
“Yes, yes, what could have been: the Chosen Child above all Chosen Children and his faithful partner, fighting together to save the Digital World from…from whom? Pick a villain, Takato.”
“Umm…” Takato poked his lips with the yolk of a single finger. “…Apocalymon? Nah, that’s the one from the Chosen of the Eastern Quadrant you told me about. How about the Seven Great Demon Lords, then?”
“The Seven Great Demon Lords!” Lucemon exclaimed. “The incarnations of sin, bent on turning the Digital World into a haven of despair!”
The angel’s theatrical voice widened the smile on Takato’s face. Lucemon moved a few steps forward and turned around, walking backwards while facing Takato with a teasing grin.
“And what a twist! To find that the leader of their ruinous enemies is but a second Lucemon, who has undergone a heart-wrenching fall from grace! How will our virtuous heroes overcome such a crisis?”
Takato laughed openly at that.
“That sounds interesting.”
“A life of adventures!” Lucemon replied, laughing half-jokingly, half-despondently. “Some of them dangerous, some of them silly, all of them exciting.”
Lucemon tiptoed back to Takato’s side.
“So, who else would be there with us, Takato? A gruff, cold kid with a heart of gold, perhaps a friendly rival for the Chosen of Dreams? Or mayhap a token female character to act as a love interest?”
Takato knew he was being led on, but he still gave Lucemon the answer he wanted. After all, it was also the only answer Takato could believe.
“Why would there be anybody else? There’s nothing the Chosen of Dreams and his awesome partner cannot overcome together.”
Their feet came to a stop. Chosen Child and partner stood before each other. Lucemon sought jest in Takato’s eyes and found none; the truth made his cheeks flush an intense red. Uncaring of his shameful appearance, Lucemon split his face in the widest, sweetest of smiles.
“Right!”
It was truly beautiful to see. Takato acknowledged that he was cursed with the most beautiful Digimon. Lucemon’s smile softened.
“That is, indeed, what should have been,” he said softly. “The life I see every time I close my eyes.”
Takato’s expression also softened, catching just the barest glimpse of the deep agony simmering in his partner’s heart.
“The life you should have given me, Takato.”
There was no hatred, no blame, in those words. Only a deep, bitter resignation. It almost brought tears to Takato’s face.
“Today is a dream, Lucemon,” Takato said instead. For a moment—no, a fraction of a moment—Lucemon’s expression changed. Takato knew he had, once again, broken his partner’s heart.
“Yes…” the Angel Digimon accepted; his voice barely a whisper. “Just a brief, bittersweet dream.”
Takato closed his eyes, so that his amber irises could not project the pain inflicted by Lucemon’s words like sweet poison. When he opened them again, there was a sad, half-hearted smile on that face.
“A Midsummer Night’s Dream?”
“Ah, so Takako-chan has done you good,” Lucemon teased, grinning. “But it’s morning time in Japan, Takato.”
The boy shrugged. “It’s always nighttime here.”
“A fitting place for hopeless people like me,” Lucemon stated, thus paving the path to a long, powerful silence. The angel’s soft smile, the barest display of his truest emotions, finally unveiled to the eyes of Matsuda Takato; it was a thing to admire in its sadness and envy in its radiant joy. The perfect oxymoron only a creature of beauty such as Lucemon’s could make manifest in reality. That smile; that pitiful, wonderful smile, should have never existed.
Takato himself looked regretful, as if he lamented having to put an end to that silence in which only their eyes whispered each other truths that should never be put into words.
“…you have something that belongs to me, Lucemon.”
And Matsuda Takato became witness to the most amazing thing.
Lucemon’s facial expression did not change. Not a single muscle moved on that beautiful angel’s face. His eyes did everything, said everything. The pristine luster of his cerulean eyes became a thing of impossible vividness; they truly shone, those eyes. They were so blue, those eyes. And from the right one of those impossible eyes, a single tear, like a liquid diamond, escaped timidly, as if aware it was a thing that should not be. An unbelievable thing, an impossible thing, the likes of which should be bottled and forged into a weapon fit for the gods.
The most beautiful tear, befitting the most beautiful Digimon.
The angelic creature cupped his hands before his mostly bare chest. Data gathered in that space, every single speck radiant like gold. The bits gathered and took form, into two objects. Chosen and partner looked down at them simple objects with inordinate awe, for they were the physical representation of their bond and their curse.
“Did you know…?” Lucemon whispered. One of his fingers caressed the pendant’s smooth surface with almost motherly gentleness. He then looked up at Takato and knew the boy’s face mirrored his own.
“The first thing I heard…was your heartbeat.”
He looked back down.
“The first thing I felt…was the weight of this Digivice and Tag on my chest.”
Lucemon could feel his lips trembling and his eyes watering. He wanted to hold them in; to rein in the avalanche of emotions he had forcibly pushed down to the deepest corner of his ever-loving heart, but it was completely beyond him. He could not do it anymore; now that Takato was standing before him like that, facing the sacred treasures he had held onto for aeons, how could he possibly escape such an overpowering feeling?
“I…” He said, but his voice cracked and he needed a moment before any other words could come out.
“I waited for you…!” He said the words he had forbidden himself to say. The tears flowed unhampered. His eyes already ached.
“I know,” Takato whispered, for if he spoke any louder his moistened eyes would also let go of everything.
“I waited for you, for so long…!”
“I know…!” Takato repeated, reaching for Lucemon’s hands and wrapping them tenderly in his own.
“I waited, and waited…” Lucemon grand his teeth together before finishing.
“…I waited until something broke inside me.”
“I know…” Takato said for the third time, no longer able to contain himself. His head leaned closer, until his forehead was leaning against his partner’s.
“I’m sorry.”
Lucemon shook his head very slowly, as if afraid to break the contact of their skins.
“Don’t be,” he responded. “You were a baby; you didn’t know a thing. You could have never reached me, I understand.”
Before the advent of the new millennium, time in the Digital World flowed much, much slower than in the material realm humans inhabited. Takato was painfully aware of how long his partner had waited, alone and dreaming of what would be, of the happiness without compare promised to him. Like all partner Digimon, he was created incomplete, and he would only be whole upon finding his Chosen Child and granted the opportunity to love him and walk by his side.
“I’m sorry,” Takato sobbed, saying the words despite knowing they only hurt them both.
“Don’t be,” Lucemon repeated. “I have already turned my back to that promise.”
This was Lucemon’s pride. He was the Digimon who chose to stop waiting and find wholeness and happiness on his own. He was the Digimon who shaped the Digital World in his image of virtue and righteousness and then opposed the whole world when his beliefs were rejected. All the great things he accomplished, both virtuous and vile, he achieved on his own. He was himself, the epitome of greatness. He had no need for the accursed bond that connected him to Matsuda Takato, making him long for him and seek completion in him. Their Game would conclude with Takato’s end and thus the end of that curse.
That single day, that little alliance against GranDracmon…that was just a brief, bittersweet dream.
“So…how are we doing this?” the Digimon asked, almost hesitantly. He claimed he would play the role Dreams intended for him, but he was not really sure what being Matsuda Takato’s partner for a day would really entail.
Takato tried to pull himself away, but Lucemon’s hands stopped him from doing so.
“My D-Arc, Lucemon,” Takato then requested. It, too, materialized like the Digivice and pendant earlier.
“Katou had been holding on to it,” Lucemon said, not entirely sure why. Takato took his white, gold and red D-Arc and tapped the Digivice with it. The older device then broke apart, its constituent data absorbed by the younger model. Then, Takato took the Tag. When he did, the gold pendant began to glow, as it was filled by the Crest of Dreams which had resided in Takato since the day he first used a computer network.
Looking at the Tag, now carrying the golden concentric rings that represented the Crest of Dreams, and then at Takato’s pensive face, Lucemon felt his cheeks warm up again.
“Let…le-let me…p-put it on you,” he stuttered. Takato smiled warmly, making Lucemon drop his gaze in embarrassment.
“Please,” Takato replied, offering the pendant to his partner. And Lucemon did as he offered, holding the small pendant like a priceless heirloom, with tremulous hands that hesitated to come into contact with Takato’s skin.
“S-So…” the Angel Digimon inquired as his hands worked. “How are we fighting? Both you and I know I cannot fight him as a Child.”
“Well…” Takato said amusedly. As usual, Lucemon was leading him on towards the answer they both already understood. “I don’t think trying out Warp Evolution would be a great idea. We’ll stick to Perfect stage today. The method I’ll leave for you to choose.”
“Method?” Lucemon asked, honestly ignorant. Takato thus turned to him with a broad smile, two fingers fiddling with the Tag dangling from his neck.
“Well, I am a Digimon Tamer as well as a Chosen Child, so it’s either the Tamer way or the Chosen way.”
Lucemon froze on the spot. Was Takato really suggesting…?
The angel’s mind all but froze. Like blazing hot magma, the accursed desire resurged unbidden in his heart. He knew there was a better choice between the two, a safer choice. But he also knew not choosing the other would be something his heart would not be able to accept. Even if he won the Game, even if Takato ceased to be and their covenant as Chosen and partner was broken, the regret of denying himself this would probably break him.
“So, your pick,” Takato continued. “Super or Matri—”
“Matrix.”
Lucemon all but glowed with desire. It was truly a passionate hunger for that connection, to take their bond further than it was originally intended. This was so important, so necessary for this pitiful angel who waited until the wait broke him, that he was even willing to put his pride aside, if even for an instant.
“Matrix Evolution…please,” he whispered, feeling the wound on his pride even as his heart sang in glee. Tenderly smiling, Takato enveloped Lucemon’s hands in his own one more time, even as the D-Arc began to glow.
“Matrix Evolution it is, then.”
Lucemon laughed with childlike joy before abandoning himself on his partner’s chest. Takato still held the D-Arc, so it was only clumsily that he returned the embrace. The angel Digimon chuckled to himself.
“I watched you all these years, yet I never realized; when did you get this tall, Takato?”
“I’m growing up! I’m at that age, you know!” Takato retorted, before pausing to reconsider the latest events. “Even if I’m not strictly human anymore, it still sorta-kinda applies—!”
He was stopped by a dainty finger on his lips. Looking down, he was met by the glorious angel’s disdainful smile.
“Stop ruining the moment, Takato. Really,” said Lucemon, turning her gaze aside to better mutter to himself. “My partner’s such a tactless boor.”
“It’s when you say things like that that I think we never would’ve worked as partners.”
“Don’t be stupid, Takato,” Lucemon quickly spat back before looking up at the boy with the perfect look of smugness. “I would have gently and skillfully shaped you into the perfect partner worthy of my loyalty and affection.”
“Uwaah, scary,” uttered the Tamer while flinching at the feel of Lucemon’s hands patting his lower back.
“Really!” Lucemon retorted this time with mock-exasperation.
They let go of each other, at least until Lucemon enveloped Takato’s hands around the D-Arc with his own. As if praying to the device, they brought their heads close together.
“You’re gonna regret this,” whispered Takato, gazing down with compassion and perhaps even pity.
“Worry about yourself, idiot,” spat back the angel Digimon.
“You are trembling.”
“I am most certainly not.”
Takato hesitated. Lucemon’s hands trembled around his. His pristine wings shuddered, vibrating along tiny shoulders.
“It doesn’t have to be like this,” said the boy. Lucemon’s irises ignited with anger and disappointment.
“Stop!” He hissed. “Do not say that.”
Their eyes met: amber versus blue. Takato’s eyes quivered, and Lucemon’s lips followed. The Digimon looked away, defeated and humiliated.
“Enough…! There is…” whispered the angel while holding back tears. “There’s only one possible end.”
“Yes,” Takato agreed. “But it is not the one you think. You would realize that if you stopped being so afraid.”
“I know not such a thing as fear!” Lucemon hissed, baring his teeth at Takato like a wild dog. “Will you ever desist on your insolen—”
“That’s enough for now, partner.”
The single word stabbed deep in Lucemon’s chest, like a dagger coated with arsenic. His eyes tried to look angry, but their reddening from tears shed and held back and the way he bit his bottom lip in frustration at himself made Takato rather wish to coddle him a little. It was a worrying thought, that one.
“You’re not fair, Takato,” whined the Digimon while pouting.
“Quite the words, coming from you,” retorted the target of so many wicked Game Rounds.
“Aaah, don’t go there!” Lucemon hissed, sharply and cowardly snipping the budding argument at the root and eliciting an unsettling silence.
Takato hesitated one last time, until they looked at each other. Whatever Takato saw in Lucemon’s hopeful, sorrowful expression, it helped him temper his will and accept all the painful things. Or perhaps it would have been like that to the former Matsuda Takato.
“Takato…”
The boy said nothing, merely tilting his head cueing his partner to continue. The sky in Lucemon’s eyes was clear and vivid like the morning after a spring drizzle.
“You know…” began the angel, sounding as innocent and pure as in the day he was born.
“…you know…I love you, Takato.”
The boy closed his eyes and squeezed his Digivice a little tighter. Then he opened them as well as his mouth. His lips moved, but no sound came out.
Lucemon’s attempt at lip-reading was rendered moot by the light of evolution engulfing them both.