Akamatsuverse Rumble 1
- Thread starter Meinos Kaen
- Start date
Hmmm, seems we have a winner. 
In this snippet, everything (Then again not, MWAHAHAHAHAH) gets explained in detail. Enjoy!
In a few minutes, the whole gang was again downstairs. Keitaro was back to his brainy attitude, but everyone was watching him more warily, now, with the exception of Su, Haruka and Motoko. Yes, because the Kendo girl was not just wary of Keitaro, she was openly glaring at him, and she was holding a clenched hand around her blade's hilt.
ôSo... As I was about to say before Su liberated the beast...ö Keitaro laughed nervously in reaction to that comment, scratching the back of his head. ôThere's something you must know about Keitaro.ö
ôNo shit.ö Naru deadpanned. It seemed like the insanity-induced vulgarity still wasn't out of her system, and her eyebrows flexed in a delicate frown.
ôHehehe... I understand that must have been a bit surprising. I apologize, but I didn't think I would be forced to ingest one of my Rumble Balls.ö The foreign term seemed to gain mostly the attention of Su, having been the one who perpetrated the accident. Keitaro turned smiling to Haruka. ôAu... Haruka, want me to do the talking?ö
ôHmm. I guess it would be for the best.ö The older woman nodded and he mimicked his gesture before turning to the group of expecting girls again.
ôWell, it is difficult to sum everything about this in a single phrase, but I guess the closest I could come to do it is...ö The young man rubbed his chin in thought, eyes to the sky for a few seconds before finding the exact wording he wanted to use. ôI have a condition.ö
ôA... Condition?ö Naru repeated, blinking in confusion. Then the most probable meaning wormed its way to her mind. ôLike... An illness?ö
ôYes and no. It is an illness in the sense that it's not a condition my body... Well, my mind, actually, should be into but it is not harmful to my body's overall wellness, though it does impair my social interactions drastical...ö
ôKeitaro, you're dragging it.ö Keitaro laughed sheepishly as he realized that indeed, he had taken a turn for the loquacious again. ôI'll take it up from here.ö
ôI-I don't understand. Keitaro-san is ill? Or is he not?ö Shinobu summoned enough courage thanks to her natural concern for her fellow man, god bless her soul.
ôYeah, let's call it a mental illness. It's less confusing. The closest thing it comes to is a Multiple Personalities Disorder.ö That earned looks of shock from everyone, Kitsune going as far as opening her eyes wide, really opening them.
ôSo... You're a schizo?ö She didn't use much tact, and the visible bodily flinch of Keitaro signalled that. ôEhm, sorry... But you have to admit, what happened before...ö
ôIt was unsettling, yeah... Well, it's a bit different from that. Let's go a bit over the details.ö Haruka lighted herself another cigarette. She would need to relax to talk about it. ôKeitaro has a mental illness that has led to him developing seven different... Well, states of mind more than personalities.ö
ô... I don't get it.ö Naru commented again. Haruka turned in Keitaro's direction.
ôWhen it comes to schizophrenia it is usually the case of an individual developing different personas in his mind, each one different and independent from the others. My case is different.ö He said bring two fingers to his glasses, tilting them up. ôI remember everything that I do and why I do it. What gets rearranged each time are other things.ö
ôThings like?ö Kitsune asked, suddenly interested in the whole argument.
ôMy approach to things, my weaknesses and strengths, my overall focus on what surrounds me and my reactions to external stimuli, and in the last few years the changes have been to my body as well. Power of mind over body...ö He scratched his right cheek as he lowered his head. ôFor example, I assure you that I would never ever think of attacking someone, especially someone as strong as Aoyama-san, both because of my... Non-eagerness to do so and because I have problems even raising a sword, but in my other state I didn't think twice about it, and my body was more than up to the challenge.ö
ôYeah, and that... I mean, what exactly triggered your transformation? I mean...ö Then, Naru remembered what had transpired. The 'candy' had been involved in both the initial transformation and the second one. ôIt was those candies?ö
ôYes. They're called Rumble Balls.ö Keitaro explained. ôYou see, when I was younger, my times of 'transformation' were completely random. It came to a point where I couldn't stay the same hour in the same state of mind. So, of course, I was brought to the attention of a medic.ö He grabbed the glass case, now containing just one ball, and laid it down on the table. ôSadly, not even someone as expert as him could find a way to cure me of the condition, but he found a way to make it stable.ö
ôHmm... I remember you talking about days of the week and you said that he has seven personalities... So... Like, he changes into a new one each day of the week?ö Both Haruka and Keitaro nodded and Kitsune whistled at that. ôWow. Must be an adventure.ö
ôMy current state of mind and body is the closest I come to what I remember was my original one. I'm like this on Mondays. As you can see, it focuses mainly on my intellectual capacities. The doctor dubbed it Brain Point.ö Keitaro explained, and Haruka cut in right after.
ôThe guy who came out was the Friday one. He acts and thinks like a character out of an Edo-era samurai novel, cue the nickname 'Sword Point'. The other five...ö Haruka thought about it and then she smirked. ôWell, I guess you'll have to discover them on your own.ö
ôI still don't understand how those orange balls factor in all of this.ö Motoko seemed to have regained her voice, finally.
ôI was coming to that. All of Keitaro's personalities are not dangerous as in psychotic. No Norman Bates in there, but if provoked, some of them can prove quite harmful and dangerous to the objects of their ire, more so than a normal person going through the same mood shifts. There are very few people who can stop Sword Point Keitaro but a couple more too are trouble, and the trick I did only works on the Friday Guy. Also, I can bet that only Kitsune would have the guts to pull that kind of stunt in the middle of a do-or-die situation.ö Kitsune smiled smugly, shrugging her shoulders as to say 'I'm awesome like that'. The other girls sans Su just blushed in embarrassment at the memory.
Haruka raised the glass case to eye level, puffing out another small cloud of smoke. ôThese are for emergencies. By ingesting one Rumble Ball, you can shift Keitaro's mind down through the week scale by, well... Rattling his brain once for each day to pass, in rapid succession. Usually it's slaps that do the job, but this time, it was the times he collided with a solid surface after Motoko attacked him.ö
ôA second one taken before half an hour passes from the first's taking returns my state to the supposed one. That's why I returned to the Monday state when Haruka made me eat the second Rumble Ball. Though, as a side-effect, for the same amount of time I'm in a constant fluxing state. Any hits strong enough can change me.ö Keitaro explained, and Su 'oooh-ed' like she had found a new favourite toy.
ôAnd what happens with three?!ö At that question, everyone able to noticed the difference saw how both Keitaro's and Haruka's bodies stiffened.
ô... The third one is just to never run out of them. It's not to be taken along the other ones.ö
ôEhhh? But I'm...ö
ôSU!ö The firmness and sudden anger in Haruka's voice and the flame in her eyes startled everyone, including and particularly the objects of her ires. ôThis is a definitive rule. No tweaking, no experiments, no jokes, no nothing. Never, ever, let Keitaro eat three Rumble Balls in the arc of thirty minutes after he ate the first one.ö The foreign girl trembled and then whined, a bit of tears in her eyes. Haruka was being scary, as the other girls saw as she turned to them as well. ôAre we clear on that?ö
ôY-Yes... We get it.ö Naru nodded and then sighed in exasperation. ôAlright. Thanks for sharing it with all of us, but... This just adds another reason as to why he shouldn't be in here, being our manager of all things.ö
ô... Actually, it's the whole reason he's here. Apart from the fact that otherwise we'd have to close the place.ö That earned wide eyes from everyone at the table, including Keitaro.
ôA-Aunt Haruka, I knew nothing about that. I... OW!ö
ôKeitaro is the only one who can be your manager, and without one, goodbye Hinata Sou.ö The prospective terrified everyone sitting at that table. ôRegarding Keitaro, instead... You see, he has liven pretty much his whole life holed up inside his house.ö
ô... Yeah. To protect myself and other people... Only, now that I entered Todai... My family recognized that it was time to let go of me, but, because of that very same sheltered life, I don't know much about how to interact with the outside world, and with a situation like mine... That's not ideal.ö Keitaro confessed, smiling sadly right after, before suddenly cheering up and raising his head. ôThat's why grandma Hina offered me the job. I can start experimenting in social relationships with you and as well try my hand at a job, and also I know no one will come to harm because of me as long as I'm here.ö
ô... Why do you say that?ö Shinobu asked, sincerely confused and even a bit embarrassed. It was a praise, after all.
ôI know myself pretty well... My selves, I guess I should say. I know what it takes to make them stop, and I know for a fact that each one you girls has something that can stop one or two of my personalities in case problems ever arise.ö Keitaro raised himself from his sitting position and bowed. ôSo, we will be in each other's mutual care.ö
ô... So, this isn't really up to questioning.ö Naru groaned out loud, understanding that they were stuck with the guy. Motoko glared at him even more fiercely and then got up from the table and walked away, muttering something among the lines of 'unacceptable' and 'unforgivable'.
ôW-Well... I guess if Keitaro-san trusted us enough to tell us such a thing about himself, we can... We can at least try to trust him as our manager.ö Shinobu voiced, and she received an approving glance from Haruka.
ôNo complaints from me! He's fun! It will be like having seven new people to play with all at the price of one!ö As foretold, Su didn't voice any complaints either.
Kitsune was just smiling as her trademark animal. The situation promised to bring about lots of fun, and maybe she could even find a way to make some profits off of it. ôFine by me too. Welcome aboard.ö
ôThank you all so much.ö Keitaro raised his head again and grabbed his almost empty glass case from Haruka, tucking it back inside his jacket's pockets. ôI will need to refill this. I will be back later, and tomorrow I will fix all the damage occurred to the house because of the fight. Excuse us...ö Keitaro bowed again and was out of the house in a little while, Haruka right after him, giving the girls one last warning glance.
Once they were gone, Naru sighed loudly. ôWhat a mess... Well, at least he IS a Todai student... Though, I didn't ask him what degree he chose.ö
ôHmmm...ö Shinobu though had something else entirely in mind. She wasn't exactly sharp, but she had noticed that while Haruka and Keitaro had explained everything about his current condition, they had just implied that Keitaro wasn't born this way. So, what she asked herself was, how did the young man end up like that?
In this snippet, everything (Then again not, MWAHAHAHAHAH) gets explained in detail. Enjoy!In a few minutes, the whole gang was again downstairs. Keitaro was back to his brainy attitude, but everyone was watching him more warily, now, with the exception of Su, Haruka and Motoko. Yes, because the Kendo girl was not just wary of Keitaro, she was openly glaring at him, and she was holding a clenched hand around her blade's hilt.
ôSo... As I was about to say before Su liberated the beast...ö Keitaro laughed nervously in reaction to that comment, scratching the back of his head. ôThere's something you must know about Keitaro.ö
ôNo shit.ö Naru deadpanned. It seemed like the insanity-induced vulgarity still wasn't out of her system, and her eyebrows flexed in a delicate frown.
ôHehehe... I understand that must have been a bit surprising. I apologize, but I didn't think I would be forced to ingest one of my Rumble Balls.ö The foreign term seemed to gain mostly the attention of Su, having been the one who perpetrated the accident. Keitaro turned smiling to Haruka. ôAu... Haruka, want me to do the talking?ö
ôHmm. I guess it would be for the best.ö The older woman nodded and he mimicked his gesture before turning to the group of expecting girls again.
ôWell, it is difficult to sum everything about this in a single phrase, but I guess the closest I could come to do it is...ö The young man rubbed his chin in thought, eyes to the sky for a few seconds before finding the exact wording he wanted to use. ôI have a condition.ö
ôA... Condition?ö Naru repeated, blinking in confusion. Then the most probable meaning wormed its way to her mind. ôLike... An illness?ö
ôYes and no. It is an illness in the sense that it's not a condition my body... Well, my mind, actually, should be into but it is not harmful to my body's overall wellness, though it does impair my social interactions drastical...ö
ôKeitaro, you're dragging it.ö Keitaro laughed sheepishly as he realized that indeed, he had taken a turn for the loquacious again. ôI'll take it up from here.ö
ôI-I don't understand. Keitaro-san is ill? Or is he not?ö Shinobu summoned enough courage thanks to her natural concern for her fellow man, god bless her soul.
ôYeah, let's call it a mental illness. It's less confusing. The closest thing it comes to is a Multiple Personalities Disorder.ö That earned looks of shock from everyone, Kitsune going as far as opening her eyes wide, really opening them.
ôSo... You're a schizo?ö She didn't use much tact, and the visible bodily flinch of Keitaro signalled that. ôEhm, sorry... But you have to admit, what happened before...ö
ôIt was unsettling, yeah... Well, it's a bit different from that. Let's go a bit over the details.ö Haruka lighted herself another cigarette. She would need to relax to talk about it. ôKeitaro has a mental illness that has led to him developing seven different... Well, states of mind more than personalities.ö
ô... I don't get it.ö Naru commented again. Haruka turned in Keitaro's direction.
ôWhen it comes to schizophrenia it is usually the case of an individual developing different personas in his mind, each one different and independent from the others. My case is different.ö He said bring two fingers to his glasses, tilting them up. ôI remember everything that I do and why I do it. What gets rearranged each time are other things.ö
ôThings like?ö Kitsune asked, suddenly interested in the whole argument.
ôMy approach to things, my weaknesses and strengths, my overall focus on what surrounds me and my reactions to external stimuli, and in the last few years the changes have been to my body as well. Power of mind over body...ö He scratched his right cheek as he lowered his head. ôFor example, I assure you that I would never ever think of attacking someone, especially someone as strong as Aoyama-san, both because of my... Non-eagerness to do so and because I have problems even raising a sword, but in my other state I didn't think twice about it, and my body was more than up to the challenge.ö
ôYeah, and that... I mean, what exactly triggered your transformation? I mean...ö Then, Naru remembered what had transpired. The 'candy' had been involved in both the initial transformation and the second one. ôIt was those candies?ö
ôYes. They're called Rumble Balls.ö Keitaro explained. ôYou see, when I was younger, my times of 'transformation' were completely random. It came to a point where I couldn't stay the same hour in the same state of mind. So, of course, I was brought to the attention of a medic.ö He grabbed the glass case, now containing just one ball, and laid it down on the table. ôSadly, not even someone as expert as him could find a way to cure me of the condition, but he found a way to make it stable.ö
ôHmm... I remember you talking about days of the week and you said that he has seven personalities... So... Like, he changes into a new one each day of the week?ö Both Haruka and Keitaro nodded and Kitsune whistled at that. ôWow. Must be an adventure.ö
ôMy current state of mind and body is the closest I come to what I remember was my original one. I'm like this on Mondays. As you can see, it focuses mainly on my intellectual capacities. The doctor dubbed it Brain Point.ö Keitaro explained, and Haruka cut in right after.
ôThe guy who came out was the Friday one. He acts and thinks like a character out of an Edo-era samurai novel, cue the nickname 'Sword Point'. The other five...ö Haruka thought about it and then she smirked. ôWell, I guess you'll have to discover them on your own.ö
ôI still don't understand how those orange balls factor in all of this.ö Motoko seemed to have regained her voice, finally.
ôI was coming to that. All of Keitaro's personalities are not dangerous as in psychotic. No Norman Bates in there, but if provoked, some of them can prove quite harmful and dangerous to the objects of their ire, more so than a normal person going through the same mood shifts. There are very few people who can stop Sword Point Keitaro but a couple more too are trouble, and the trick I did only works on the Friday Guy. Also, I can bet that only Kitsune would have the guts to pull that kind of stunt in the middle of a do-or-die situation.ö Kitsune smiled smugly, shrugging her shoulders as to say 'I'm awesome like that'. The other girls sans Su just blushed in embarrassment at the memory.
Haruka raised the glass case to eye level, puffing out another small cloud of smoke. ôThese are for emergencies. By ingesting one Rumble Ball, you can shift Keitaro's mind down through the week scale by, well... Rattling his brain once for each day to pass, in rapid succession. Usually it's slaps that do the job, but this time, it was the times he collided with a solid surface after Motoko attacked him.ö
ôA second one taken before half an hour passes from the first's taking returns my state to the supposed one. That's why I returned to the Monday state when Haruka made me eat the second Rumble Ball. Though, as a side-effect, for the same amount of time I'm in a constant fluxing state. Any hits strong enough can change me.ö Keitaro explained, and Su 'oooh-ed' like she had found a new favourite toy.
ôAnd what happens with three?!ö At that question, everyone able to noticed the difference saw how both Keitaro's and Haruka's bodies stiffened.
ô... The third one is just to never run out of them. It's not to be taken along the other ones.ö
ôEhhh? But I'm...ö
ôSU!ö The firmness and sudden anger in Haruka's voice and the flame in her eyes startled everyone, including and particularly the objects of her ires. ôThis is a definitive rule. No tweaking, no experiments, no jokes, no nothing. Never, ever, let Keitaro eat three Rumble Balls in the arc of thirty minutes after he ate the first one.ö The foreign girl trembled and then whined, a bit of tears in her eyes. Haruka was being scary, as the other girls saw as she turned to them as well. ôAre we clear on that?ö
ôY-Yes... We get it.ö Naru nodded and then sighed in exasperation. ôAlright. Thanks for sharing it with all of us, but... This just adds another reason as to why he shouldn't be in here, being our manager of all things.ö
ô... Actually, it's the whole reason he's here. Apart from the fact that otherwise we'd have to close the place.ö That earned wide eyes from everyone at the table, including Keitaro.
ôA-Aunt Haruka, I knew nothing about that. I... OW!ö
ôKeitaro is the only one who can be your manager, and without one, goodbye Hinata Sou.ö The prospective terrified everyone sitting at that table. ôRegarding Keitaro, instead... You see, he has liven pretty much his whole life holed up inside his house.ö
ô... Yeah. To protect myself and other people... Only, now that I entered Todai... My family recognized that it was time to let go of me, but, because of that very same sheltered life, I don't know much about how to interact with the outside world, and with a situation like mine... That's not ideal.ö Keitaro confessed, smiling sadly right after, before suddenly cheering up and raising his head. ôThat's why grandma Hina offered me the job. I can start experimenting in social relationships with you and as well try my hand at a job, and also I know no one will come to harm because of me as long as I'm here.ö
ô... Why do you say that?ö Shinobu asked, sincerely confused and even a bit embarrassed. It was a praise, after all.
ôI know myself pretty well... My selves, I guess I should say. I know what it takes to make them stop, and I know for a fact that each one you girls has something that can stop one or two of my personalities in case problems ever arise.ö Keitaro raised himself from his sitting position and bowed. ôSo, we will be in each other's mutual care.ö
ô... So, this isn't really up to questioning.ö Naru groaned out loud, understanding that they were stuck with the guy. Motoko glared at him even more fiercely and then got up from the table and walked away, muttering something among the lines of 'unacceptable' and 'unforgivable'.
ôW-Well... I guess if Keitaro-san trusted us enough to tell us such a thing about himself, we can... We can at least try to trust him as our manager.ö Shinobu voiced, and she received an approving glance from Haruka.
ôNo complaints from me! He's fun! It will be like having seven new people to play with all at the price of one!ö As foretold, Su didn't voice any complaints either.
Kitsune was just smiling as her trademark animal. The situation promised to bring about lots of fun, and maybe she could even find a way to make some profits off of it. ôFine by me too. Welcome aboard.ö
ôThank you all so much.ö Keitaro raised his head again and grabbed his almost empty glass case from Haruka, tucking it back inside his jacket's pockets. ôI will need to refill this. I will be back later, and tomorrow I will fix all the damage occurred to the house because of the fight. Excuse us...ö Keitaro bowed again and was out of the house in a little while, Haruka right after him, giving the girls one last warning glance.
Once they were gone, Naru sighed loudly. ôWhat a mess... Well, at least he IS a Todai student... Though, I didn't ask him what degree he chose.ö
ôHmmm...ö Shinobu though had something else entirely in mind. She wasn't exactly sharp, but she had noticed that while Haruka and Keitaro had explained everything about his current condition, they had just implied that Keitaro wasn't born this way. So, what she asked herself was, how did the young man end up like that?
The storyline is great. The grammar/construction needs a bit of work.
Who's saying this? I suspect it's Haruka because of the last statement, but your descriptive points to Keitaro. If it's haruka, maybe add a descriptive to the beginning like: Haruka sighed.
If it is two separate people talking, you have to break it up into two paragraphs.
Isn't he already doing the talking? Maybe change to 'to continue to do the talking?'.
Again, Keitaro is implied as talking by the descriptive text but Haruka seems to be doing the talking. Suggest:
"Keitaro, you're dragging it," Haruka interrupted. "Ill take it from here."
Keitaro laughed sheepishly as he realized that indeed, he had taken a turn for the loquacious again.
Who's saying this? Keitaro or Haruka? If there was only two people in the conversation, this would be no problem. But, there are 7 people in the room so more descriptive text is required.
Again, who said this? Was it Shinobu that blurted it or was it one of the other girls?
Also, Schizophrenia is NOT M.P.D. (Multiple personality disorder), even though people confuse the two all the time. Schizophrenia is characterized by a breakdown of mental processes, and it most commonly manifests as auditory hallucinations, paranoid or bizarre delusions, or disorganized speech and thinking, and it is accompanied by significant social or occupational dysfunction. MPD sufferers actually are fairly socially functional, just have too many chickens in the hen house.
Who's this expert?
Wait, did you just give the residents open license to slap him silly every time he misbehaves?
Who asked this?
This is confusing. Are you saying he shouldn't eat 4 within thirty minutes? Suggest: "Never let Keitaro eat two more balls within thirty minutes of the first."
Who's saying this? I suspect it's Haruka because of the last statement, but your descriptive points to Keitaro. If it's haruka, maybe add a descriptive to the beginning like: Haruka sighed.
If it is two separate people talking, you have to break it up into two paragraphs.
Isn't he already doing the talking? Maybe change to 'to continue to do the talking?'.
Again, Keitaro is implied as talking by the descriptive text but Haruka seems to be doing the talking. Suggest:
"Keitaro, you're dragging it," Haruka interrupted. "Ill take it from here."
Keitaro laughed sheepishly as he realized that indeed, he had taken a turn for the loquacious again.
Who's saying this? Keitaro or Haruka? If there was only two people in the conversation, this would be no problem. But, there are 7 people in the room so more descriptive text is required.
Again, who said this? Was it Shinobu that blurted it or was it one of the other girls?
Also, Schizophrenia is NOT M.P.D. (Multiple personality disorder), even though people confuse the two all the time. Schizophrenia is characterized by a breakdown of mental processes, and it most commonly manifests as auditory hallucinations, paranoid or bizarre delusions, or disorganized speech and thinking, and it is accompanied by significant social or occupational dysfunction. MPD sufferers actually are fairly socially functional, just have too many chickens in the hen house.
Who's this expert?
Wait, did you just give the residents open license to slap him silly every time he misbehaves?
Who asked this?
This is confusing. Are you saying he shouldn't eat 4 within thirty minutes? Suggest: "Never let Keitaro eat two more balls within thirty minutes of the first."
Considering what we've heard so far, could be family internal abuse and manipulation... would make sense considering all the effort gone to to keep it hushed up... Perhaps his parts and Granny wanted to do what is best for the family, and Haruka wanted what was best for him... if so it would be in line with the dialog of the phone conversation Haruka had.
Also consider Keitaro said he was helped by a 'medic', not a doctor, clinic, hospital, or a professional psychoanalyst, or any normal response.
Also consider Keitaro said he was helped by a 'medic', not a doctor, clinic, hospital, or a professional psychoanalyst, or any normal response.