So you want to be a professional troll

[rdde]

Sorry, but are you trolling me, PCHeintz72, or will you only be satisfied when I write out the entire legalese (maybe 1,000 pages to 100,000 pages) for you to examine? :sweat:

The warehouse example would only be a small part of the entire thing. And I am sure that the villain's lawyers will cover most, if not every, possible action that the heroes might do.

 

[raedric]

Something ironic about rdde being trolled in the professional trolling thread.

 

[PCHeintz72]

Sorry, but are you trolling me, PCHeintz72, or will you only be satisfied when I write out the entire legalese (maybe 1,000 pages to 100,000 pages) for you to examine? :sweat:

The warehouse example would only be a small part of the entire thing. And I am sure that the villain's lawyers will cover most, if not every, possible action that the heroes might do.

No... my point is there will almost always be workarounds... or the stakes so high the person would just not care...

If I were the hero in question, and stopping the bad guy was known to save say a million lives... it may well be worth the potential consequences to take out the warehouse with extreme prejudice no matter what became of me...

End result would still lead to a bunch of bad guys taken out and likely flattened warehouse...

 

[rdde]

For the given brief example, of course there will be workarounds. But the full thing is a lot more complete, and they will probably add on more amendments as time goes by and heroes try to circumvent the rules or new situations comes up. Which was one of the reasons to set up a bureaucracy. The safety of the public can hardly be ensured if the rules are so easily ignored or obsoleted.

Also, the rules weren't designed to prevent the flattening of the warehouse. It was only to prevent the heroes from flattening warehouses at their whims and to follow the proper procedures as required of any civilian entities that wishes to demolish a structure. Granted, most civilian entities do not need to make applications to the UN or national governments, but then again civilian projects tend not to have national or international consequences. That this will cause the heroes great pain and misery is only incidental.

 

[PCHeintz72]

For the given brief example, of course there will be workarounds. But the full thing is a lot more complete, and they will probably add on more amendments as time goes by and heroes try to circumvent the rules or new situations comes up. Which was one of the reasons to set up a bureaucracy. The safety of the public can hardly be ensured if the rules are so easily ignored or obsoleted.

Also, the rules weren't designed to prevent the flattening of the warehouse. It was only to prevent the heroes from flattening warehouses at their whims and to follow the proper procedures as required of any civilian entities that wishes to demolish a structure. Granted, most civilian entities do not need to make applications to the UN or national governments, but then again civilian projects tend not to have national or international consequences. That this will cause the heroes great pain and misery is only incidental.

But there is already a law in place to cover this, at least in the real word...

Being a vigilante is against the law.

The problem is in anime were this enforced it would make law enforcement look bad, as few readers/viewers want to see the police arresting Sailor Moon and her gang of thugs, or Superman, etc.

 

[daniel_gudman]

Rdde: This entire argument is predicated on Kofi Annan putting up with your bullshit.

 

[rdde]

I hadn't thought of that, but that can easily be handled.

"Being a vigilante is against the law" is the problem to fix. As it stands, all heroes are vigilantes and as a consequence must operate above the law and are therefore free to do whatever they need or want. This creates an environment of fear, uncertainty and doubt amongst the civilian populace and the stock markets; it is difficult to invest in a company if you don't know it will be revealed as a criminal enterprise or have their legal strategic assets unfortunately destroyed in a crossfire. Thus by enabling heroes to go legit, this problem can be fixed and is a win-win situation for both the heroes and the world.

This will be somewhat analogous of legitimising prostitution. It enables prostitutes to work in a safe environment and also prevent their exploitation from unscrupulous pimps.

 

[daniel_gudman]

"Being a vigilante" is already against the law.

What you are proposing is, that instead of Steve Mutant being the one hunting you down and punching you out, you're hunted down by the FBI, and then you're punched out by a SWAT team.

 

[PCHeintz72]

I hadn't thought of that, but that can easily be handled.

"Being a vigilante is against the law" is the problem to fix. As it stands, all heroes are vigilantes and as a consequence must operate above the law and are therefore free to do whatever they need or want. This creates an environment of fear, uncertainty and doubt amongst the civilian populace and the stock markets; it is difficult to invest in a company if you don't know it will be revealed as a criminal enterprise or have their legal strategic assets unfortunately destroyed in a crossfire. Thus by enabling heroes to go legit, this problem can be fixed and is a win-win situation for both the heroes and the world.

This will be somewhat analogous of legitimising prostitution. It enables prostitutes to work in a safe environment and also prevent their exploitation from unscrupulous pimps.

And allows people to safely and reliably invest in morally corrupt institutions and criminal organizations/enterprises?

Wow.

EDIT: This is what insurance is for... except in Massachusetts... they actually have disclaimers for terrorist acts, nuclear fallout, and damage from things like missle attacks... (came across this reading a MA Auto Insurance manual once, completely true)

 

[rdde]

"Being a vigilante" is already against the law.

What you are proposing is, that instead of Steve Mutant being the one hunting you down and punching you out, you're hunted down by the FBI, and then you're punched out by a SWAT team.

No, what I am proposing is instead of having my warehouse destroyed by a vigilante Superman, legal hero Superman has to file for the destruction of my warehouse and then only destroy it a month after the approval has been granted.

 

[rdde]

Double post.

 

[PCHeintz72]

"Being a vigilante" is already against the law.

What you are proposing is, that instead of Steve Mutant being the one hunting you down and punching you out, you're hunted down by the FBI, and then you're punched out by a SWAT team.

No, what I am proposing is instead of having my warehouse destroyed by a vigilante Superman, legal hero Superman has to file for the destruction of my warehouse and then only destroy it a month after the approval has been granted.

Since it would be filed publically... the crimals would have access to it under the sunshine law... giving them a month to clear out and relocate... thus there would be no point except perhaps causeing financial hardship for the criminals (and the investors)

 

[daniel_gudman]

"Being a vigilante" is already against the law.

What you are proposing is, that instead of Steve Mutant being the one hunting you down and punching you out, you're hunted down by the FBI, and then you're punched out by a SWAT team.

No, what I am proposing is instead of having my warehouse destroyed by a vigilante Superman, legal hero Superman has to file for the destruction of my warehouse and then only destroy it a month after the approval has been granted.

Yes but that is so dumb.

I mean, why would that even be a law? How would that get passed?

I'm with PCH, this is pretty much unworkable.

 

[rdde]

Yes but that is so dumb.

I mean, why would that even be a law? How would that get passed?

I'm with PCH, this is pretty much unworkable.

I'll let my minions, the lawyers I pay billions annually, and bribed corrupt officials to figure out how to get it done.

Since it would be filed publically...? the crimals would have access to it under the sunshine law...? giving them a month to clear out and relocate...? thus there would be no point except perhaps causeing financial hardship for the criminals (and the investors)

Or I can transfer the ownership of the warehouse to a non-villainous and legitimate third party holdings for a day or two (or however long the permit is valid for) who will promptly transfer the ownership back to me after the permit expires.

Also, there is no stopping me from acquiring thousands of red herring warehouses.

 

[daniel_gudman]

But

Punisher shoot you in face!?

 

[rdde]

Then I'll get the last laugh from beyond the grave when Superman gets tasked with taking in the Punisher for rehabilitation by the UN. The man really needs psychiatric help.

 

[PCHeintz72]

Then I'll get the last laugh from beyond the grave when Superman gets tasked with taking in the Punisher for rehabilitation by the UN. The man really needs psychiatric help.

Ok... forget the warehouse, forget the minions, forget taking out the evil overlord/villan plans...

Assasinate the villan in his own home and leave no evidence... no damage to warehouse lair, nor to investments by nice people into criminal organizations/syndicate, and no jail/rehab time for hero, and no trial and public embarassment for law enforcement, and evil plan would become public knowledge once police start investigating the evil villans unnatural death

Everyone wins... well... except for the villan...


Cue snarky parody villanous laugh from the hero that got away: Bwahahaha...

 

[rdde]

Then I'll get the last laugh from beyond the grave when Superman gets tasked with taking in the Punisher for rehabilitation by the UN. The man really needs psychiatric help.

Ok... forget the warehouse, forget the minions, forget taking out the evil overlord/villan plans...

Assasinate the villan in his own home and leave no evidence... no damage to warehouse lair, nor to investments by nice people into criminal organizations/syndicate, and no jail/rehab time for hero, and no trial and public embarassment for law enforcement, and evil plan would become public knowledge once police start investigating the evil villans unnatural death

Everyone wins... well... except for the villan...


Cue snarky parody villanous laugh from the hero that got away: Bwahahaha...

If only it really were that simple.

 

[Heart of the Star]

When the hero reaches my castle to engage me in a final battle i pretend to lose in a dramatic fashion then as soon as the hero has left i head to the town he is going to first and pretend to be the hero and take all the credit and defeat him effortlessly when he tries to fight me in protest.

Then after becoming a well know and loved as a hero let the real hero know that i am actually the villain and then when he tries to kill me have him named as the new villain.

 

[zerohour]

Hm...

When I find out about the hero, I will proceed to kill his mother (or her father. They never have both parents.)

During his quest to gain revenge on me, I will begin presenting him with no win scenarios. He either has to sacrifice something, or stand by and do nothing. I will intersperse these with occasions where through lots of hard work, effort and out of the box thinking, he CAN save everyone without compromising his morals. These will be exceedingly rare, and that will make them all the more precious.

I will also spread rumors about how the evil overlord hasn't been seen since his battle with the Sage of Light, which took place X years ago, which just so happens to be how old the Hero is. Additional investigation into this will revealed damaged/destroyed statues that bear an uncanny resemblance to their parent, and most statues of the Villain will look like the Hero, aged up a couple of decades.

I will instruct my Commanders to act somewhat confused when they first see the Hero, before enaging him in battle, declaring it a trick. If they are killed their last words will be "Sir...why?" or somethign similar. If I have an attractive and sexually compatible commander, they will kiss the Hero and say, "I... always...loved you..."

I will manipulate him into venturing into other lands, which will inevitably be worse than my own, either due to cruel leaders, famine, plague, war or some other problem. Any nearby "good" kingdoms will have their leaders assassinated and replaced with doppelgangers, and probably practcing evil religion or human sacrifice.

All of these combined will make him start to doubt whether I am truly evil, or simply making the best of a bad situation. The inability to talk to his mother and the similarities to the Sage of Light, plus his own uncanny resemblance to statues of the Villain will make him question his own existence, if it's possible that he might be...

And then, when he reaches my castle, I will answer the door with a joyous "Master! You've finally returned! It's so good to see you again!"

Assuming I can manage to convince him that he is actually the villain, I can see only a few options:

1: He assumes the role of villain. I get to retire, or at least wait until the next upstart topples him.

2: He commits suicide.

3: He destroys my evil empire (I can make a new one,) but is haunted by the fact that he killed the people closest to him (My commanders).

4: 1 or 3, but his companions abandon him in disgust for who he really is. One or two might remain, but the stain of the "truth"

I could probably churn out a couple more scenarios, but it's late. I'll come back to this later. Maybe.

 

[raedric]

Trolling Idea #29

Use my agents within the UN to create an international bureaucracy for heroes. To become a legal hero or heroine, they must first register with the bureaucracy, filling in endless forms and legalese. If they do not register, the UN will treat them as rogue heroes, a danger to civilised society, and work on capturing them, rehabilitating them and finally register them.

Should any hero then crosses paths with me, I will use the indecipherable legalese that they have signed to cause unimaginable pain and grief.

For example,

"According to the "UN Heroes Convention of 2013 for a Better World", it is illegal for heroes to destroy warehouses belonging to a genuine villain without first applying for a 'Destroy a Warehouse Belonging to a Villain' permit. To acquire this permit, they will need to complete a quest of some insignificance to prove that they are serious about destroying the structure. And then get the approval of the following UN agencies, ...., and the approval of the following national agencies, ...., and the approval of the local city council, and the release consent of the warehouse's neighbours. A grace period of one month is required to allow all interested parties of time to prepare for the destruction of the specified warehouse. This permit is only valid for a single warehouse structure and you will need multiple permits to destroy multiple warehouses."

:snigger:

Way necro, and my apologies on that. But how could you force them to join your bureaucracy of heroes if they're too powerful to be taken down by anything but other heroes? I mean, they'd be so bogged down in forms they'd never catch the rogues!

 

[seitora]

zerohour, that was an awesome post

 

[burningclaw2]

Me as the villain...

First I'd ensure the nubile Hero/Heroine is the epitome of beauty(I'll use plastic surgery and various other techniques if I have to). This will cause a surge of Fanboys and Fangirls after the Hero/Heroine. I'll also set it up so that the Hero/Heroine will either be attracted to me, or a spineless weenie, depending on whether or not I have to and can manage to change their sexuality.

While the Hero/Heroine is traveling I'll set up various instances where they could be labeled as gay or a pervert or both. During the mid point of their adventure, I'll set up rumors of an artifact possessing the power to slay me being kept within a Temple in the middle of the Desert's of Ruin beyond the Sea's of Despair and to the left of the Forest of Soft and Cuddly Murderous Plush Toys. Within the Temple will hold various traps and monsters designed to turn the Hero/Heroine and their party into mindless s**pets for me to use at my leisure. Should they manage to survive the dungeon and reach the chest/room where the object is kept they will only find a porn magazine and find the way out to be 20 times worst then getting in and that they can't use magic or anything to escape.

Should all this fail by the time they reach me, I'll use the secret word which will activate the brainwashing I had done on the Hero/Heroine causing them to kill their allies before wiping their mind clean of all they've done up to that point, then I'll de-age them and alter their appearance slightly so I can do all this again.

 

[Dragonlover553]

Can I masquerade as a 'wise old teacher', and actually accelerate his training, while simultaneously maximizing my opportunistic for causing 'mishaps', getting a front row seat to it, potentially becoming his trusted confident, so that I may give him faulty advice, leading to further 'mishaps', and 'helping' after 'mishaps', in such a way that it becomes even more hilarious to watch?