So you want to be a professional troll

[PCHeintz72]

Hmmm.... Were I a villan... and know what I know about the Genre...

I would first of all leak a false timetable, set ruses to lead them off the true trail... perhaps set up multiple main bases, and have a getaway plan if all else fails...

Were I able to get my hands on the hero/savior/chosen one... there would be no speeches nor monologs (not even ones filled with misinformation), no opportunities to escape by placing the hero in some cell, no attemtp to recruit to my cause... they would need to be eliminated.

And not placed in some overly complex diabolically designed elaborate killing trap. But instead with extreme prejudice, and exceedingly quick, like a bullet to the head. this should minimize opportunities to get away. The body would then be incinerated or destroyed, to prevent possibility of faking or ressurection or coming back in some other manner. It must be watched, and monitored by two differing groups of guards separated by space, and ideally in a room that can be rigged with a leathal trap with you not in it, to insure no moles help or perform a last minute save...

You can always loot the body for materials and information later, go through his/her car, go ransack the hotel/inn/house they were at once the safety of the diabolical plot is secure.

If can video it, play it on loop for his/her superiors by way of a multiple redirected signal to prevent possible orbital or long range detection equipement and long range ballistics from aquiring a proper lock on. As an example to those that oppose you...

Ideally do so while changing locations to some backup spot and altering the timetable, leave a token guard and traps in the inevitable event either the transmission is traced, or was reported by the hero before you could eliminate him/her.

Even with all the above, it is possible to fail... but would minimize it by a huge margin...


EDIT1: If this person manages to get away, send two covert teams to follow them to their own base or home, and use long range bombardment to get them and anyone with them... with their pants caught down... if identity not known... discover it and see if can be used to track any other team members... Try to eliminate all targets while separated and simultaneously, to lower chances of their survival.

EDIT2: I always wanted to see Sailor Moon deal with a competent enemy like this with people deserving of the name 'dark general'... they would likely not last long... But only ever wanted to see this when looking for a dark fic... as it would definately not be a happy comedy. Then again... there was that neat one I read years ago where Mercury was an assasin before becoming a scout and found later than canon.... I think it was 'Life's Blood' by Dro'gan NiteFlier... maybe I'll reread it.

 

[Avider]

While that sounds great and all, I'm not sure you're going to be pass the class of trolling.

 

[PCHeintz72]

While that sounds great and all, I'm not sure you're going to be pass the class of trolling.

Ahhh.... but that would depend upon what the diabolical evil scheme I had would be...


As an example were I looking to prank the world governments... I would do all the above, and then maybe something off the walls like fill the government buildings of the world with helium....

Or perhaps kidnap all the world leaders, make them reveal all their secrets, then put them back... then post all the scandals and secrets simultaniously...

 

[Avider]

Now you're thinking with portals.

 

[shiki]

I would become the Hero(ine)'s friend/mentor/significant other depending on situation and gender of the person. During the course of the Hero(ine)'s quest to take me down, I would extoll the virtues of Heroism? and camaraderie while pointing the Hero(ine) and the party of adventurers towards any potential threats to my evil empire. These bonds of "friendship" are built for two reasons: to slow the Hero(ine)'s hand should (s)he discover the truth because true Hero(ine)s will go for the redemption scenes and to create enough trust so they would never question me to begin with.

Additionally, as I will be spending an extraordinary large amount time with the party, it would be inevitable the more ambitious will try to usurp my power. It is perfect. Lure the sweet talking backstabbers out in the open and screw with the hero(ine) at the same time.

I will stay the unseen evil, like Sauron, so they will forever be chasing at shadows while strengthening my hold on the land. BWAHAHAHAHAHA! If the Hero(ine) somehow reaches my level of power... convince them to retire in a peaceful hamlet to let the next generation complete the noble work of heroism. Then as Hero(ine) becomes old/weak/at death's door... Reveal the Truth and marvel at the Pain. Naturally, I would have been speeding it up with poison. No need to wait TOO much. Or get the Heroine pregnant, there is a 9 month depowering program right there.

The only downside is that there is a risk of Becoming the Mask?. Now, if I was an Immortal Evil Overlord, the risk of this is minimal and it could be a game every other generation or something. Just to spice things up.

 

[PCHeintz72]

Now you're thinking with portals.

Huh?

 

[Dark Knight Gafgar]

That sounds exactly like what the typical Final Boss would do, and that sounds exactly like something that would backfire horrendously.


Remind me again, why is that a good idea?

Win or lose, you've succeeded in screwing a lot of people up. The love interests (some of whom may have had a vendetta against your true identity when you recruited them) are heartbroken, the rest don't know who they can trust anymore, even if they manage to defeat you (and really, if you've helped the party become strong enough to actually defeat you before you bring them to your fortress, you deserve to get defeated anyawy) they'll spend the rest of their lives paranoid wrecks.

Besides, if you've been Overlording it up properly, they should have little reason not to just join you outright.

 

[rdde]

Trolling Plan #62

When the prophesied hero is born, I will have him taken, name him Mario, and have him raised in an artificially created Super Mario world. After long trials and tribulations on the part of the hero, when he has grown too powerful for that world to contain him, I will end that artificial world and drop him in with some plumber's union, in a city and a country far away from my base of operations.

Let's see how well Mr. Mario the plumber survives in the real world.

 

[Elvarein]

Trolling Plan #62

When the prophesied hero is born, I will have him taken, name him Mario, and have him raised in an artificially created Super Mario world. After long trials and tribulations on the part of the hero, when he has grown too powerful for that world to contain him, I will end that artificial world and drop him in with some plumber's union, in a city and a country far away from my base of operations.

Let's see how well Mr. Mario the plumber survives in the real world.

That actually sounds like the story line for an interesting story.

 

[wingthesword]

Now you're thinking with portals is from the video game Portal.

During the heroes travels arrange for a massive debt to fall on him. Private homes being destroyed, priceless vases, bystanders injured. Purchase the debt and when he comes to face me, call in the debt and have him pay it off with menial labor.

 

[Mechatrill]

This is reminding me of a conversation I had with a friend while he was playing My Life as a Dark Lord.

Seeing the main character of the game, I remarked how a princess would make a totally awesome Dark Lord.

Think about it, all you need to do is stay in your tower and send out monsters to ravage the countryside. Then, once the chosen hero(es) manage to fight their way to the top, just pretend to be the classic princess kidnapped by the villain. Thank the hero, maybe give a little peck on the cheeks, and then disappear somewhere and erect a new tower and start over again.

Everyone would think that you're just the reoccurring kidnapping victim, like Zelda or Peach. Even better is if you can make some kind of distinctive monster that you can recreate to guard you to act as the reoccurring villain.

You can pretty much continuously do the evil overlord thing even when thwarted by the hero.


Back to the main topic, pretending to be the reoccurring kidnapping victim might be an interesting way to troll... Then, after you get tired of being "rescued", reveal the whole thing to the hero and watch his expression.

 

[seitora]

-snip-

You could always pull a Baten Kaitos, too.

 

[wingthesword]

-snip-

You could always pull a Baten Kaitos, too.

Who is that?

 

[Dark Knight Gafgar]

-snip-

You could always pull a Baten Kaitos, too.

Who is that?

Gamecube-era JRPG. Particularly notable for a plot twist midgame where

the starting main character turns out to be the main villain's top agent and betrays the party.

 

[rdde]

Trolling Idea #29

Use my agents within the UN to create an international bureaucracy for heroes. To become a legal hero or heroine, they must first register with the bureaucracy, filling in endless forms and legalese. If they do not register, the UN will treat them as rogue heroes, a danger to civilised society, and work on capturing them, rehabilitating them and finally register them.

Should any hero then crosses paths with me, I will use the indecipherable legalese that they have signed to cause unimaginable pain and grief.

For example,

"According to the "UN Heroes Convention of 2013 for a Better World", it is illegal for heroes to destroy warehouses belonging to a genuine villain without first applying for a 'Destroy a Warehouse Belonging to a Villain' permit. To acquire this permit, they will need to complete a quest of some insignificance to prove that they are serious about destroying the structure. And then get the approval of the following UN agencies, ...., and the approval of the following national agencies, ...., and the approval of the local city council, and the release consent of the warehouse's neighbours. A grace period of one month is required to allow all interested parties of time to prepare for the destruction of the specified warehouse. This permit is only valid for a single warehouse structure and you will need multiple permits to destroy multiple warehouses."

:snigger:

 

[seitora]

-snip-

You could always pull a Baten Kaitos, too.

Who is that?

Gamecube-era JRPG. Particularly notable for a plot twist midgame where

the starting main character turns out to be the main villain's top agent and betrays the party.

Yeah, I love the game for that alone, but the battle system is pretty rad too.

Also, bogging the hero down in bureaucracy? Genius.

 

[PCHeintz72]

Trolling Idea #29

Use my agents within the UN to create an international bureaucracy for heroes. To become a legal hero or heroine, they must first register with the bureaucracy, filling in endless forms and legalese. If they do not register, the UN will treat them as rogue heroes, a danger to civilised society, and work on capturing them, rehabilitating them and finally register them.

Should any hero then crosses paths with me, I will use the indecipherable legalese that they have signed to cause unimaginable pain and grief.

For example,

"According to the "UN Heroes Convention of 2013 for a Better World", it is illegal for heroes to destroy warehouses belonging to a genuine villain without first applying for a 'Destroy a Warehouse Belonging to a Villain' permit. To acquire this permit, they will need to complete a quest of some insignificance to prove that they are serious about destroying the structure. And then get the approval of the following UN agencies, ...., and the approval of the following national agencies, ...., and the approval of the local city council, and the release consent of the warehouse's neighbours. A grace period of one month is required to allow all interested parties of time to prepare for the destruction of the specified warehouse. This permit is only valid for a single warehouse structure and you will need multiple permits to destroy multiple warehouses."

:snigger:

Easy workarounds...

- get the enemy so enraged they attack you while yo are standing in front of supports (they are the one bringing it down, not you)

- Gas attacks.

- Baryon sweep should have no affect on the structure... but kill all inside.

- maybe some short lived flesh eating bacteria...

Since none would be harming structure, non-organic contents, or foundation... should be able to use them without worring about any stupid permit.

 

[rdde]

That was only the high level overview of the chapter specifically on the destruction of a villain's warehouses. The other chapters will cover the various things that the heroes might possibly do to a villain's warehouse, including non-destructive actions.

For example, gas attacks may also harm innocent bystanders or leave dangerous residues after the event, so there will be additional bureaucracy work for that and perhaps including a bill for the clean up work needed to be done to restore the area back to safe levels.

That reminds me, I should leave some barrels of hazardous materials that may be triggered to leak should the hero attack my warehouses. There are a few chapters in there that involves unexpected hazardous materials...



Edit: Also, flesh eating bacteria? I sense great anger....

 

[Avider]

But what if you're a hero who claim you're a villain in order to take advantage of those legalese?

Wut now?

 

[rdde]

The legalese only binds heroes, so even if you're a hero masquerading as a villain, you can't use the legalese against villains. But you would indeed be unbound from the hero rules, so long as nobody discovers that you were truly a registered hero. In which case, there are probably some sections on heroes pretending to be villains, perhaps more rehabilitation, correcting the official paperwork and redirecting the penalties to you, and penalising you for misrepresenting yourself and the cost of fixing the paperwork.

 

[shiki]

What if you face an anti-hero?

 

[rdde]

The UN might treat anti-heroes as rogue heroes, and will be hunting them down with the assistance of registered heroes.

If however the UN won't recognise them as rogue heroes and trolling the anti-heroes is important, then you need another idea/plan to troll them. ^_^

 

[rdde]

Trolling Idea #37

Should I be in a position to help raise a future hero or heroine, I will have them raised with their moral code strictly adhering to what most moral authorities say about sex and violence. That sex and violence are absolutely not acceptable. That sex and violence should always be censured whenever encountered.

No exceptions.

Think of the children!

:snigger:

 

[PCHeintz72]

The legalese only binds heroes, so even if you're a hero masquerading as a villain, you can't use the legalese against villains. But you would indeed be unbound from the hero rules, so long as nobody discovers that you were truly a registered hero. In which case, there are probably some sections on heroes pretending to be villains, perhaps more rehabilitation, correcting the official paperwork and redirecting the penalties to you, and penalising you for misrepresenting yourself and the cost of fixing the paperwork.

Hmmm... this is reminding me of two different things...

1. A Anime Addventure thread where Ranma has to get Amaterasu to employ Ron Stoppable to intercede on Ranma's behalf using legal documents so that he can avoid getting a villan, or at least get one sympathetic to his cause. All due too the mechanations of his Mother, and a treaty with villans and heros giving the 'Guild for Calamatous Intent' (or something along those lines) jurisdiction and ability to punish non-registered superbeings.

2. A Ranma crossover with the City of Heros Universe where the Government is after Ranma not for doing bad (in point of fact he did a lot of good), but for being unrregistered and as such 'defying' (in their eyes) the legal system...

Crappy scenarios...

I should point out... most heros in fiction (Batman, Spiderman, Sailor moon, X-Men etc...) actually are *vigilantes* as such are already going against the law and in theory should be arrested on sight by any law enforcement or military personnel. Of course this does not happen as it is not what the readers want.

An exception is TSAB, whom are a government organization freely operating outside their jurisdiction and do not care about anything but their own needs, desires, and threats.

 

[PCHeintz72]

That was only the high level overview of the chapter specifically on the destruction of a villain's warehouses. The other chapters will cover the various things that the heroes might possibly do to a villain's warehouse, including non-destructive actions.

For example, gas attacks may also harm innocent bystanders or leave dangerous residues after the event, so there will be additional bureaucracy work for that and perhaps including a bill for the clean up work needed to be done to restore the area back to safe levels.

That reminds me, I should leave some barrels of hazardous materials that may be triggered to leak should the hero attack my warehouses. There are a few chapters in there that involves unexpected hazardous materials...



Edit: Also, flesh eating bacteria? I sense great anger....

Meant to respond to this part earlier.

Still a good workaround...

use knockout gas bombs rather than any bad gas... harmless and would dissipate...

Once theyare knocked out,
- Grab them
- Grab their computer hard drives/file cabinents
- Grab their guns/equipment/secret technology
- Strip them
- Kill them, or if killing is not an option... humiliate them by taking pictures, tying them up, and going to a random payphone with a voice synth device to disguise voice and call law enforcement.
- go to a remote location, run the cars over to check for trackers/bugs, and clean them out.

If done right... no destruction of warehouse, you reap all the rewards, know all their current plans and force distributions, have vehicles and weapons and technology, and no one even knows it was you.

Alternatively #1, leave evidence pointing to a rival... and then cause some destruction... leaving them to take the fall...

Alternatively #2, simulate a gas leak or something to force a evac of the warehouse... once they are outside... attack. After all, no damage would be done to the warehouse itself in such a case...