So you want to be a professional troll

seitora

Well-Known Member
#1
You're an almighty villain who's basically a couple of steps short of world domination, or maybe you're just the final antagonist of a typical sports shonen, or perhaps you're the protagonist's rival for a mutual love interest. Your enemies may be myriad, but they are scattered, and they are weak. In short, you're pretty much guaranteed to win since you're drastically overpowered, whether it be due to thousand-year-old technology, deus ex machina hackery, or you've genuinely worked your way to the top and attained self-actualization.

The problem: you're bored. You've steamrolled over all threats before they could become truly threatening, and world domination or winning championships or getting the mutual love interest sounds nice but it can really be a chore. So maybe you should do something 'fun' for once, and trolling the remaining threats sounds good.

One day, you notice random generic hero adventurer wandering the world, training so that he might one day be able to defeat you. Slinking after him, you see him enter a small village.

Do you

a) Kill him right away to have him out of the way?

b ) Cripple him and bask in his misery?

c) Wait for him to talk to the villagers to see any sympathizers to his cause of defeating you, and then kill them as well?

d) Let his training progress while he's in the village, but cause as much mishaps as possible in secret, causing him to walk in on at least one naked, nubile young girl per hour culminating in him 'accidentally' finding himself in the female side of the local hot springs before he finally gets branded a pervert and chased out of town?

If you chose anything other than the last option, then you have much more work to do before you can become a professional troll. That's what this book is here to help you with.


----

I was randomly thinking about some of the villains in mangas and how they like to be major trolls at times, and then I somehow got to thinking about self-help books, and then got on the track of a 'Professional Trolling for Villains' book, which came to this snippet.

Feel free to add on!
 

daniel_gudman

KING (In Land of Blind)
Staff member
#2
Raise him as a "perfect rival" to prove my existence as a villain.

The intensity of my focus and the bizarre homosexual subtext is the foundation of the psychological campaign against him that will prove my existence as a troll.

Things like vetting party members and love interests to see if they're "good enough", constructing elaborate scenarios that force him into classical ethical paradoxes, issuing all bounties with a clause of "don't cut his face", raising orphans as merciless assassins he can win over to the Light and referring to them as "our children", and instituting a special tax deduction for building statues of him.

And, of course, in the law Villain x Hero doujin are fine, but Hero x Villain doujin are severely punished. Actually the opposite might weird him out even more.
 

sytang

Well-Known Member
#3
Create an extremely elaborate and large dungeon filled with complicated, and extremely dangerous (and/or hilarious) traps and monsters.

Spread rumors in a nearby town/city about it, saying that there's an amazing artifact capable of defeating even the main villain (i.e you).

Set up some 'cameras' in the dungeon and watch as the heroes spend hours crawling their way through the dungeon, getting hit by traps, getting ambushed by monsters, solving a few complicated puzzles before finally reaching the final room, where an ornate chest lays. The heroes would go up to it and open it to find.... a potion.
 

seitora

Well-Known Member
#4
Almost every hero has his love interest, whether it be the childhood friend, or the mysterious warrior maiden.

A popular choice of professional trolls is to 'help' the hero with his love life by setting him up with more girls. Many of them can be introduced into the hero's harem by making them your minions, and then having them pull a face-heel-turn on you, whether manipulating them to do so, or just telling them to do so because you love to see the hero squirm under romantic ministrations. Given that you are powerful enough to be bored, you need not worry about a few henchwomen joining your enemy.

Start off with the naive, ditzy girl, who is perhaps a governess of one of your vast land holdings. She should be awkwardly shy, so the hero feels sympathetic for her instead of trying to kill her. When he turns her over to his side, she should do it only with a deal sealed by marriage, as suits an administrator. Then in bed she must be incredibly submissive, drawing the hero into awkward scenarios.

She must also accept the possibility of a harem, so that when the hero fights your other henchwomen, they also all propose to him and he will find it difficult to refuse any of them as they continue to pile up.

Start small. After the shy, submissive girl, work your way up. Perhaps next could be a normal girl with dreams of grandeur in the world, then an extremely perverted, perverted girl, followed by a catgirl, capped off by a dominatrix. If you can successfully pull this off, you may have already defeated the rival without even touching him. His harem will keep him too tired to do any more adventuring.

Addendum: If, however, you can turn the hero gay, this can be a greater troll than loading him down with a harem.
 

MinusMagnus

Well-Known Member
#5
The manual would probably be another one of the books of the same series as the Evil Overlord List. It is hard to be seen as a hero when who you want to kill is followed by the monsters and/or minions out of their own will instead of being controlled and actually like him, after all.
 

seitora

Well-Known Member
#6
Yes, the Evil Overlord List was another one of my inspirations, how I managed to forget that I don't know.
 

Shiakou

Well-Known Member
#7
Have a "secret" about how your planning world domination so that you could make the hero into the Great Demon Overlord. Then "accidentally" leak it to someone guaranteed to spread it.
 

Orz

Well-Known Member
#8
Ultimate villain troll: date the hero's mother.

Then taunt him about it. With pictures.
 

The Eromancer

Well-Known Member
#9
Orz said:
Ultimate villain troll: date the hero's mother.

Then taunt him about it. With pictures.
<a href='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TLA_f7S0cw&list=FLGdQirCPyM3w84XFP2xjBPQ&index=414&feature=plpp_video' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>Home Base</a>
 

seitora

Well-Known Member
#10
Orz said:
Ultimate villain troll: date the hero's mother.

Then taunt him about it. With pictures.
This can be particularly upsetting to the hero if you are female.
 

seitora

Well-Known Member
#11
If the hero is of the opposite gender to you, flirt with the hero as often as possible every time you come across him or her. If you are a male flirting with a heroine, make sure you know how to actually flirt, as it can be easy to come off as creepy. Then, when the heroine finds out you are the ultimate antagonist of her story, flirt even more. It is best if you present a public image of empathy to the world, and in private, put forth an image as a well-intentioned extremist. That way she will be in conflict about trying to stop/kill you from your ultimate goal.

If you are a female flirting with a male hero, you have a bevy of options. If you are older than the hero, you can flirt with him, only to gasp and say you shouldn't be robbing the cradle. If you are older than the hero but through magic, technology or some other means are eternally twelve years old, you can flirt with the hero and then shout out loud that the hero is a pedophile. If you are roughly the same age as the hero, you can act the tsundere to him, slowly developing feelings for him, but also corrupting him as his journey goes on. There should be an orgy before his final battle, where you then confront him as the villain, beat him up, then make him your eternal escort.
 

sytang

Well-Known Member
#12
...sounds to me like you want to be a harem anime director rather than a troll.
 

seitora

Well-Known Member
#13
sytang said:
...sounds to me like you want to be a harem anime director rather than a troll.
Not really, I was thinking more of ways to troll from the love path, other people have posted ways of trolling in other methods :evil2:
 

zeebee1

Well-Known Member
#14
That method often ends with the villain retiring due to falling in love with the hero. It's a risky maneuver.
 

seitora

Well-Known Member
#15
zeebee1 said:
That method often ends with the villain retiring due to falling in love with the hero. It's a risky maneuver.
But that's trolling the hero as well, making him grind and level up and fight his way through dozens of fortresses and dungeons only to not fight a final boss at all.
 

zeebee1

Well-Known Member
#16
Yes, but is your goal to be a trolling villain or a troll? If the second is all that matters then this option can work out. But beware. Falling for the hero has the potential of removing all will to be a troll.
 

Thaljafi

Well-Known Member
#17
While he's still low level, kidnap the hero and give him plastic surgery. Show him what he looks like while everything's still puffy, and convince him he has to wear a mask to 'hide his shame'. Then when the big reveal comes and he shows off perfect features, he loses all the sympathy of his companions that he built up over the period of his quest. Done well, and he'll keep losing his companions as they'll think he's a loon.

Bug his keepsake item (the sword, armor, or plushie that he'll never lose or throw away), and make him think it's haunted by the ghost of his ancestor. Give him crazy sidequests that he has to perform to ensure your defeat.

Make him think he has an incurable disease that can only be kept at bay by regularly consuming a truly nasty concoction that gives him horrible body odor, among other side effects. Explain that the symptoms are caused by the advancing disease rather than the potion.
 

seitora

Well-Known Member
#18
Lead the hero on in regards to your true strength. Allow him to work his way through a trials of the will and spirit, eventually dispatching of a Dragon who claims to be your 'right-hand man'. Then, when the hero finally reaches your throne room or underground lair or floating fortress of doom, allow him to attack you, only to stop his hit with a single finger.
 

Avider

Well-Known Member
#19
...How the heck is that any different?

If you do it like that, you're just gonna end up getting your head decapitated by some nonsense.
 

seitora

Well-Known Member
#20
Avider said:
...How the heck is that any different?

If you do it like that, you're just gonna end up getting your head decapitated by some nonsense.
The key was that the Dragon I mentioned really wasn't. Rather he's just some super low-level mook who you set up as being some super-powerful fighter so the Hero thinks if he beat the so-called Dragon he should be able to beat you, the villain.
 

sytang

Well-Known Member
#21
If it really is a low-level mook, then the hero will just beat in in one hit and come to the conclusion that it's a fake.

Oh, and there's the possibility that the hero really did grow powerful enough to defeat you through his 'trials'.


Anyway, as for trolling:

Make the hero go through numerous UNDERWATER ESCORT MISSIONS.
 

zeebee1

Well-Known Member
#23
And everyone you are escorting is a mermaid. That might sound good, but that just means they can swim into trouble faster than you can swim after them.
 
#24
Ensure that the Hero recruits a significantly sized party of those devoted to your downfall. Having the party be comprised primarily of those of the opposite gender of the Hero is optional but recommended. When the time comes for the final battle, as the Hero and his comrades and/or harem storm your castle, reveal that you were actually the 'Hero' all along. You may then ambush and kill the largest collection of potential enemies in your realm at your leisure.

Keeping the 'Hero's' harem is also optional but recommended.
 

Avider

Well-Known Member
#25
That sounds exactly like what the typical Final Boss would do, and that sounds exactly like something that would backfire horrendously.


Remind me again, why is that a good idea?
 
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